Standing on a Precipice
by aeval
Summary: With her husband stricken with terminal cancer, Rachel is struggling to cope with that and her 2 children and 1 on the way when a fateful run-in with an old rival leads to a new friendship and maybe more in the aftermath of Jesse's death. Completed.
1. Chapter 1 Rachel and Jesse

**Title:** Standing on a Precipice

**Author:**Sio (thelastpen) & Maura (aeval)

**Rating:** Up to NC-17 for later chapters  
><strong>Length: <strong>Long  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Possible mentions of up to Season 2 finale  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> Rachel/Santana, Rachel/Jesse, Santana/OC  
><strong>Summary:<strong> From a prompt given via Sio's tumblr ask box. Rachel and Jesse are married with children, but Jesse is slowly dying from cancer. Enter Santana, lonely and divorced but highly successful and willing to befriend the beleaguered mother. When Jesse passes and Rachel starts depending more and more on Santana's friendship, will they stay just friends or can it blossom into something more? Future!Fic.  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> Pregnancy, character death, angst, children,

**Chapter One: Rachel and Jesse**

The alarm rang, rousing her from sleep.

She reached over and turned it off, rolling over with a sleepy smile. "Good morn-"

The words trailed off as her smile dropped. There was no one there on the other side of the bed. The same as it'd been for the last couple months. Her lips tightened at the familiar pang of recognizing reality after waking from the pleasant memories of her dreams. She sighed softly, finally turning away from the empty side of the bed and pushing the blankets off.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat up. For a moment, like always, she just sat there, hands resting on the swell of her stomach, breathing slowly, deliberately. It took a moment to get past the desire to cry waking up alone in the big bed always gave her. Her hands drifted over her stomach, being reassured by the feeling of movement inside.

A foot pressed against the palm of her hand, drawing a tired smile from her. "That's right, baby boy," she whispered softly, "we're going to go see Daddy today."

Wiping the remaining traces of sleep from her eyes, she pushed herself up from the bed with a soft grunt of effort. It was getting harder to do so. She missed the support Jesse'd provided during her other two pregnancies, especially now. Even on her third pregnancy, her small frame made things difficult, especially during the third trimester like she was entering. She wasn't sure how she'd do it alone, but she'd smile the same as always when she brought the two little ones to see him. He didn't need to worry about her any more than he already did.

She made her way to the closet, selecting her clothes for the day with an eye to cheering her bedridden husband. Selection finally made, she headed for the bathroom for a morning shower, confident of another hour of peace before little Kayla and Cale would wake. As she disrobed and stepped under the warm spray, she wondered - as she always did - how things had come to this.

Things had always been a little stressful, but that was normal for a newly wed couple. But they'd weathered the trials and tribulations of college together - Jesse finally getting his act together enough to attend NYU while she'd been at Julliard following her graduation and the subsequent final sundering of her relationship with Finn - and she was confident they could survive being married and in the same industry as well. Jesse had done well, as they'd both expected, landing roles first off-off-Broadway, then getting a surprising shot at Broadway. She hadn't done poorly herself, getting a few minor roles off-Broadway her senior year of college and a well reviewed lead role after graduation. Then Jesse had proposed, they'd married the next year in a small ceremony keeping it to close friends and family, and 2 months later she'd received the surprise of her life.

She was pregnant.

She'd always thought more planning and preparing would go into her first pregnancy, but instead it'd been a complete surprise. But she couldn't say she regretted it and Kayla was the best surprise she'd ever gotten, in her opinion. Their daughter was a sweet, gentle child - though she despaired of ever getting her to show an interest in music - and the most helpful little five year old she'd ever met.

She scrubbed her hair, chuckling softly as she remembered how anxious Jesse had been when he'd first found out about her being pregnant the first time. He'd treated her like she was made of cut glass and hardly allowed her to do anything until she'd blown up at him that women had been having babies for _centuries_ and if she wasn't allowed to do _something_ she'd smack him. Then her face fell and tears mingled with water streaking her face as she muffled a sob against her palm as she thought about his weaker but still enthusiastic response to finding out about her being pregnant with their first son shortly after Kayla's third birthday.

They'd first found out he was sick maybe three weeks before she'd learned she was pregnant with Cale. It'd made the announcement rather bittersweet, since Jesse was already undergoing chemo treatments and was rather ill at the time. But he'd been so excited he'd actually tried to pick her up and spin her around like he had when he'd found out about Kayla. It'd given him hope for the future she liked to think, enough to get through the intensive treatments and push the cancer into remission.

She felt the baby in her stomach kick and rubbed it reflexively as she shut off the water. "It's okay, little one." She whispered, getting out of the shower and drying off before proceeding to get dressed for the day.

It's what made her so _angry_ about all this. They'd _beaten_ the cancer. Done _everything_ that they were supposed to. It wasn't supposed to come back! He was supposed to be _better_! They had a little boy coming. It just wasn't _fair_!

She smacked her hand into the counter trying to get control over herself. That was the part she hated about pregnancy. Her emotions were all over on top of everything else. She didn't have _time_ for this. She needed to be in control of herself. She had to be strong. Kayla and Cale needed her to be strong. So did Jesse. She couldn't _afford_ this weakness.

"Stop this, Rachel," she muttered, staring into the mirror over the sink at herself, before starting to put on the makeup to conceal the dark circles under her eyes and her general tiredness, "you have a son and daughter and a husband who _need_ you. You are _not_ going to break down and blubber like a child because things are hard. What would Barbra think!"

Finishing applying the concealer, she put it away and straightened up the bathroom before making her way out and down the hall to the kitchen. As she set about making an organic vegetarian - a compromise she'd eventually come to terms with after developing an intense craving for real cheesy omelets during her pregnancies - breakfast for her family. She was reaching into the refrigerator for the eggs when the memory of Jesse wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck like he used to do when he was healthy hit her.

She barely had enough control to set the carton on the counter as she struggled with the realization that he would never do that again. She knew - they both did - that the struggle was taking too much out of him this time. They knew it was only a matter of time before the end. Every day she took the children to see him in the hospice facility, Jesse seemed more accepting of it. But every day just broke her heart a little more because it was one less she would have with him.

She prayed every night and every spare moment that God would let him stay a little longer. She knew he hurt, that he was in pain she wasn't sure she'd be able to bear every moment he lingered with them, but she couldn't help but beg for more time. Her hand stroked over her swollen stomach, asking again of a God that didn't seem to be listening to let Jesse stay, to make him better. To let him know his youngest son.

Her legs trembled and her arms rested on the counter, barely holding her up as the tears streaked her face. She needed him. She needed his arms around her at night, the comforting warmth of his solid strength at her back. She needed him to cheer her up when she felt blue, to show up with flowers and vegan lasagna when she was lonely, to hold her and sing her to sleep when she was tired. She _needed_ him and she didn't know how she'd go on after he was gone.

"Don't cry, Mama." The voice was soft, unlike the fierce hug wrapping around her leg."It's okay, please don't cry."

Rachel blinked, wiping tears from her face with the palm of her hand - realizing she'd have to go fix her makeup again before they left - and looking down to stroke the tousled brown hair of the little girl clinging to her leg with a sad expression on her face. She smiled softly at her "little surprise" and gave her a slightly awkward one-armed hug. "It's okay, Kayla. Mama was just a little sad for a moment." Crouching carefully in front of her eldest, she pecked her on the forehead and asked, "Do you know what I think would cheer me up, little star?"

"What, Mama?" Gray-blue eyes - so like her father's - blinked hopefully at her.

Rachel smiled, reaching up to brush some hair off Kayla's cheek. "A big hug and kiss from my best girl, that's what."

"Really?"

"Of course, really! Come here, you." The little girl bounced forward, throwing her arms around her mother and planting a wet sounding kiss on her cheek. "See?" She smiled brightly with a little laugh, "Much happier. Now, go get your brother up and dressed while Mama makes breakfast, okay?"

"Okay, Mama!" Giving her another kiss, Kayla scurried off on her task, vinyl soles of her footie pajamas slapping across the linoleum of the kitchen before shuffling off down the carpeted hall.

Rachel watched her go with a smile before turning back to the counter and beginning to set about making omelets for her children. She chuckled as she cracked eggs into the bowl thinking she'd come a long way from the girl who'd been haunted by the idea of baby chicken ghosts coming to get their revenge on her for being egged. Adding milk, salt and pepper, she whisked it together before adding it to the hot pan with the veggies and mushrooms already frying inside it.

She was just pulling the omelet out of the pan to divide amongst three plates when the dark haired yawning form of her son stumbled in rubbing at his eyes. She couldn't help the astonished laugh that burst from her lips when she saw the wild ensemble he was wearing. "Oh my. Sweetie, what are you _wearing_?"

He had a dark blue t-shirt on with a bright yellow bat logo across the chest, tucked into a pair of navy tights she was fairly certain belonged to Kayla a couple years earlier, a pair of Batman Underoos _over_ the tights, a pair of bright yellow rain boots on his feet, and a dark blue bath towel tied around his neck. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and smiled sleepily up at his mother. "I'm Batman, Mama!"

She chuckled, finishing transferring the omelet to a plate, "I can see that, sweetie. Are you sure you should go see Daddy as Batman though? A supervillian may find out your secret identity, after all."

Cale's eyes got big, "Oh no, Mama! I don't want that!"

"Guess you should go change back into Cale then. And hurry up, young man, I'm serving breakfast!" She chuckled softly at the sound of him storming down the hall to change. She couldn't wait to tell Jesse what his son had gotten up to this morning when they got to the hospice center. Hearing about the kids' antics always seemed to brighten him up.

"Kids, come on! Breakfast is ready! We need to eat so we can catch the train in to go see Daddy!" She called down the hall as she put the three plates on the table with glasses of juice - Cale's still fitted with a sippy lid. She could hear the happy cries of "Daddy!" echoing down the hall as they finished dressing and came tumbling down the hall.

She loved her children. People who'd known her in high school may have been surprised to see how easily she'd left the stage for them, but if it wasn't for them she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle Jesse's illness as well as she was. So she smiled and sat with them as they all tucked into their breakfasts.

"Hey! Not so fast, Cale! Take your time or you'll choke. Kayla, don't tilt the glass so far, you're dribbling." Reaching over with a napkin to catch the drips before they can fall from her chin to her light pink sundress, she tilted the glass down towards the table again. "You don't want to get messy before we see Daddy, do you?"

"No, Mama." Kayla replied, carefully setting the glass back down before taking her fork and scooping a bite into her mouth.

"That's my little star."

* * *

><p>"Daddy!"<p>

The joyful cry of his son woke him from his uneasy sleep.

It took him a moment to open his eyes. Everything took longer these days. Everything hurt a little more with every movement. But he still smiled when he saw his son in dressed in a yellow polo and navy slacks clambering up on to the chair beside his bed and climbing in the bed to hug him. He raised arms far more slender now without the strength of his youth and health and wrapped them around the boy with only a faint tremor in his smile to indicate how much effort and pain the gesture took from him.

"Hey there, tiger." His voice was a frail imitation of once powerful tenor, colored with weariness along with the pleasure of seeing Cale. "Where's your mama and Kayla?"

The boy sitting beside him - he'd learned that sitting on his daddy hurt him and he hated that - grinned, revealing a bright baby teeth. "I ran head!"

Jesse smiled indulgently, "You got here fast, but you know your mama doesn't like it when you run in the hospital."

Cale frowned, pouting, "But I want see my Daddy."

"I know you did, Cale." Jesse raised a slender hand to tousle his son's hair lightly, keeping most of the pain from showing so to not distress the boy, "But you need to listen to your mama. She wouldn't ask you not to do something unless it was for your own good. You need to be good for her for me, okay?"

"Okay." Cale crossed his arms over his chest, pouting in a excellent imitation of the woman just coming through the door.

Rachel leaned against the door frame slightly out of breath from chasing the two year old boy down the hall, one hand resting protectively on her stomach. "Oh my gosh, _Cale_! I _told_ you not to run off!"

"Yeah, Mama told you, Cale!" Kayla piped in, peeking around Rachel's leg, to stick her tongue out at her younger brother.

Jesse turned his best smile on his two favorite girls - thought Rachel could see the pain in his eyes the effort took him, "There's my two best girls! Come give me a hug!" Kayla squealed delightedly and scurried over to the chair to replicate her brother's actions from a couple moments earlier. As she did, Jesse smiled a bit softer at Rachel who'd come over to hug him gently, whispering in her ear, "Don't be too mad at him, love. He just wanted to see me."

"I know he did." Rachel replied as she pulled back, a sad, careworn smile on her face, "I'm not mad, Jesse. I was just worried, he's so _tiny_ still."

He patted her cheek gently with a hand that barely trembled from the pain and she closed her eyes, losing herself in the memories of him doing that when he was still healthy for a moment. "He'll always be tiny, Rachel. He's your son. But he's mine too, so you have to let him take risks sometimes. Let him be a boy. Rachel," He smiled, a shadow of its former brightness but still _his_ smile, leaning up slightly to brush cracked lips against her full ones, "he'll be okay."

She knew he wasn't talking about the running in the hall and she had to fight to keep the tears that brightened her eyes from falling down her cheeks. "I know he will." She whispered, smiling bravely as Kayla finally made it on the bed and threw her arms gently around her daddy.

She went over and sat in the chair their children had used as a ladder, pulling her iPod and the notebook for her transcription work out of her bag to work as her husband bonded with their children. She listened to her work with one ear as she jotted down what was being said in her shorthand. She'd type it up later while the children were sleeping, right then though she wanted to give them as much time as possible to spend with their father. And him as much time with them.

There wasn't much left after all. Her hand drifted to her belly as she prayed once more that Jesse be allowed to see his newest son, hold him in his arms, before passing from their lives. Jesse glanced over at her from where Kayla had her latest drawings spread out on his lap and smiled sadly.

He knew what she was doing. Knew she was praying for what they both wanted, what he was fighting so hard to try and get to do. He wanted to know his youngest son. He wanted to teach him to play baseball and sing and dance on a stage. He wanted to walk Kayla down the aisle at her wedding - when she was fifty, of course - and watch Cale's first rehearsals and see all of his children graduate high school and college.

And he knew he wouldn't.

So he just clung to the hope that he could at least see the boy currently hiding under his mother's heart before he had to leave. He hugged his son and daughter, kissing their heads gently as he blinked back tears. He didn't want to leave them. Didn't want to leave _any_ of them. But he'd been forced to admit that some things were beyond his power, and this was beginning to feel like one of them.


	2. Chapter 2 Santana

_A/N: Thank you all for the reviews and alerts. We're on Chapter 11 so don't worry, we'll continue!_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Two: Introducing Santana<strong>

_Nothing ever changed._

Nothing ever got worse, but it never actually changed or got better either. It was a Monday like ever other in the three years prior. Santana walked into the deli on the corner of the street her office was on, flirted with the Latino boys that handed her the tray of coffee making sure to tell her the one on the right was hers. "Negro y fuerte." Jose smiled, his youthful features made Santana smile and respond the same as always, "Like my men..." she winked, paying and walking half a block to her building.

Santana had been in New York for close to five years. After graduating from WMHS, she enrolled in the University of London in their music management and production program. When she left Ohio, she didn't want to get involved in any kind of relationship. Her history and experiences had been less than great and she wanted to focus on herself... she allowed herself some affairs with boys and girls when she was drunk in her first year of school, but about a year later Santana met Tobias Spencer. He was 40 when they met; he was powerful, becoming a big time manager in the music world, and he treated her better than anyone ever had before. She hesitated at first, her body and mind still had homosexual tendencies, but she fell for him.

It wasn't hard, Tobias gave her everything. It was a fairytale, money, power, and the fact he made her feel special. He gave her the freedom she needed, and she in turn accompanied him to every opening and acted as his perfect girlfriend in the British public eye. They got married in a small ceremony when she was 19. She began working in the record company and started showing that, despite being the perfect trophy wife for the new CEO, she was a talented producer in her own right. She had her own clients and started create a name for herself, but that's when it all seemed to be the start of the end. Her marriage fell apart 7 years later and by time their 8th anniversary rolled around she was a divorcee.

Every morning, when Santana pushed open her office door she thinks of her failure and the fact that despite it she's still one of the top producers in the United States. Tobias moved the company to New York when Santana's press started to get bigger than his in the London music scene, but the city that never sleeps seemed to make the young Latina even more popular and in demand. They fought, and they fought hard. Many long nights of screaming matches and broken glasses accumulated until the moment when Santana slapped divorce papers down on his desk and stormed out. The settlement was private, but the press rumored that there was parting of millions since she didn't sign a prenuptial agreement. The funny thing was that everyone assumed that they'd get back together and that Santana was being young and irrational, but they had grown apart. The age difference, the egos... it didn't bode well for a relationship.

She slid into her faux-leather chair and looked out her window at the Manhattan skyline with a sigh. She must have been in that position for sometime because she heard her door open and her ex-husband's booming baritone.

"There's my little Spanish harlem harlot." He bellowed, his voice dripping with sarcasm and charm. Santana rolled her eyes before turning around to face him. He had aged remarkably over the 11 years she had known him, he was no longer the youthful yet elder man she fell for when she was 18. He was 51 now and his hair was kept short to prevent the true amount of grey that had accumulated recently from showing.

"What do you want, Tobias?" She groaned, this was not how she wanted to start her morning. "What could you possibly want at," she looked at her computer screen for the time. "Eight o'clock on a Monday morning? I was pretty sure that divorce meant I never had to see you this early again." She said smugly.

"Aww, Santi baby, you know you miss me. When are you gonna give up this facade of never wanting to be with me again?" He said, walking close to the edge of her desk.

"Stop. Nope, not having this conversation right now... or ever again actually. We've been divorced for almost 4 years, move on. I have." She shrugged as she spoke.

She had moved on, she dated a few guys to keep up her profile, but slept with a few women when she wanted to release that tension that had built for seven years of marriage and repression of her desires. Tobias pouted softly as he sat down across from her, she knew that he still loved her which made their day to day interactions more difficult.

"Fine, Santana... I'm still your boss though, so you still have to listen to me..." he reminded her, just as he did ever time she pushed away his advances. "I have a new client for you."

"Do you now? You didn't want to, you know, consult me about giving me a new client before you just handed me whatever underdog you all couldn't figure out how to sell."

"Can you just shut up, Santana?" He asked, obviously frustrated about her attitude. She put down her pen and picked up her coffee and took a long sip, "Look, I have a new R&B singer for you. She's kinda like Aliyah mixed with Amy Winehouse and Jay-Z... she's interesting. I think she'd be good for you to work with help her harness her talent."

Santana listened to him, she had known him for long enough to comprehend what he was saying. "So... you want me to take a young talent and tell her that she... can't be the artist that she thinks she is? That you want to me reign her in?" She cocked her head to the side as she spoke.

"Yep!" He smiled, that charming smile that caused her to fall for him in the first place. "I'll send her in later..." He got up and walked to the door, "Oh and Santi? Keep it in your pants." He chucked walking out of the office. Santana threw her pen at the door with a frustrated sigh.


	3. Chapter 3: The Meeting

**(AN: Thank you everyone for reading. Please keep reviewing!)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three: Meeting<strong>

The bell over the door tinkled brightly as she pushed through, ushering her two children in before allowing the door to close. Scooping up the sleepy looking boy as he stumbled slightly in front of her and cradling him against her hip, she took the little girl's hand and stepped into the line, peering up at the menu board to make selections for her and the two little ones. Jesse had asked her to stop bringing lunch for him - a fact that made her shoulders drop slightly, which she tried to hide by shifting her son on her hip.

She wasn't ready to let him go. Wasn't ready to be a single mom. She had their savings and their parents had set up trust funds to provide for the children's education, but she still worried. She didn't want to neglect any of her children or make any of them feel like they didn't deserve her full attention, but she didn't know how to be both a mother iand/i a father to them.

Not that she felt that a two parent household was strictly necessary for a healthy upbringing, or that a heterosexual pairing was for that matter either. But she'd never say it wouldn't be easier to not have to try and be ieverything/i to them on her own. She didn't want Cale to grow up hardly knowing his father or for Kayla to never get to dance with him at a father-daughter dance. She didn't want the little one still growing in her stomach to never experience his laughter or feel the warmth of his embrace.

"Oh, Mama! That's Stevie from school! Can I go say hi? Can I?" Kayla suddenly asked, tugging her hand and pointing across the crowded shop with a pleased grin at a little tow-headed boy waving wildly from a table.

Rachel looked over, spotting him and offering a friendly nod, not wanting to let go of either of her children to wave back. "I see him, sweetie, but who's he with? Let's wait until Mama orders and all go over together, okay?"

"But Mama, he's right _there!_" Kayla stomped her foot with a little pout. "And he's with his mama, see?"

She sighed tiredly, craning her head a bit to see the older red-headed woman now offering a cheery wave at her son's insistence. "Okay, Kayla. But _no_ running!"

The warning came to late as Kayla let go of her hand and dashed off across the room, weaving about through the forest of legs as fast as her little toddler legs could carry her, much to her mother's shocked horror. Cale just clapped and laughed cheerfully at Kayla's masterful evading. At least, right up until she smacked headlong into a pair of sheer stocking clad legs and sat down hard, staring up in shock at the power suited woman in heels that she'd just ran into - momentarily stunned into silence, mouth hanging open and tears welling in her eyes at the sting to both her bottom for falling on it and her childish pride at running into someone.

* * *

><p>The woman was shocked, staring down at the girl for a moment before quickly squatting down to her level. "I'm so sorry, sweetie, are you okay?" She wiped the girls hazel eyes, feeling so bad that she was scared and hurt, "Does it hurt?" She looked her over to see if she was bleeding or anything. "Mija, where's your mom?"<p>

She picked the girl up carefully, looking around and waiting for the girl to point to her mom. "Holy... _Rachel?_" Santana shrieked as she saw her old classmate.

Rachel's hair was not as shiny as she remembered it being, but she had a small boy with shaggy dark hair on her hip. She walked the girl over to her mom, "I think this is yours..."

Rachel had felt her heart leap into her throat when she'd seen her daughter smack into the back of the beautiful young woman mere feet from her goal. Then the woman had crouched down to help the little girl and Rachel had nearly bolted over, only keeping her place in line out of shock and the speed at which everything was happening. Kayla wasn't yelling like she'd been certain she would and she was starting to worry something was seriously wrong.

"Mama, this lady talks funny! Like the mean old lady down the street from us that won't tell me what the funny words mean," Kayla pouted, one arm wrapped around Santana's neck. Turning her attention to the woman holding her, she smiled brightly - pain of falling and her friend both forgotten in favor of potentially learning something new, "Will you tell me what the funny words mean? They don't sound like how Mama and Daddy talk."

Rachel gasped at the sound of her daughter talking to the other woman, "Oh my gosh, Kayla! What have I told you about talking to stra-" Her voice trailed off as her hand came up to cover her mouth as her wide eyes took in the woman she finally was recognizing, "oh... Oh _my_," she whispered, an almost disbelieving smile growing on her lips as her hand slowly lowered, "Santana? Santana _Lopez_?"

Santana smirked, taking in the smaller girl with her not so small baby bump. "Wankey, Berry, just wankey," she smirked as she looked between the two kids, "Been busy?" She smiled turning her attention back to the little one in her arms. "Sure, Mija is kinda like someone calling you sweetie, or child."

She smoothed down the unruly curly hair on Kayla. "That's a pretty name, Kayla. What's your name, buddy?" she asked, looking at Cale. "They're cute, Rachel..." she smiled, "Um. What are you guys doing around here?" She reached out and moved them over to the table that was closer. She sat Kayla on the stool, her hand pressed against the small of the child's back so she didn't fall. "I'm Santana, by the way,_ mariposa_," she smiled, moving down to whisper softly, "Means butterfly."

Rachel smoothed her hand over her stomach with a wry smile, "These sort of things tend to happen when your married, Santana." She reached over and ruffled her son's hair who was smiling shyly but uncertainly at Santana, clinging to his mother's shirt. "This is Caleb, but we just call him Cale. How have you been? It's been an awful long time."

She smiled warmly at the other woman. They may never have really been bosom buddies in school - actually been more like enemies a time or two - but things had improved senior year to a tentative friendship - or at least a tolerant acquaintanceship. There had been some vague attempts at keeping in touch with the other members of Glee following graduation by Rachel, but eventually life had conspired to make the effort ultimately futile. She hadn't even really had the chance to tell anyone about Jesse's illness. Only the members of Glee who had stumbled across her CaringBridge website - namely Mr Schuester and, more surprisingly, Finn - had any idea how ill he was.

"We're, um, here seeing Jesse," she sounded tentative, unsure of telling Santana that her husband of nearly ten years was dying.

Santana chuckled softly, at the idea of Rachel being a mother and being so candid about her sexual relations. "I was married for almost 8 years and that never happened," she said teasingly, she reached her hand out offering it to the boy. "Hello, Cale. It's lovely to meet you." She kept her hand on the little girls back as she spoke to her former classmate. "Uh... i've been back in the states and here in New York for about three years?" She thought back, "Yeah, I... um yeah. About three, working at the building across the street so this is my usual haunt." She smiled, taking in the other woman's appearance. "You look good, all glowing and shi.. stuff." She corrected herself. "Jesse? Wow. Didn't know ya'll got hitched, congrats... He here? Or at work or whatever?" She asked, not knowing the world of hurt that question was loaded with.

"He's, um,"'she took a shaky breath, determined to maintain her composure as best she could, "at, um, Calvary, actually." She smiled, but it was far weaker than earlier and colored with pain. The acute palliative care facility was fairly well known and she felt that it would explain things well enough just saying the name instead of having to admit in front of the children that their daddy was dying.

Her heart broke. Jesse was dying and Rachel had two small children and a one on the way. "_Rachel_..." She said softly, as she reached out and put her hand over Rachel's giving her a sad smile. She knew she needed more that just that, but she also knew that Rachel would never say that or break the facade that she worked to hard to uphold. "Do you live in the city? My driver can take you home if you want..." she needed to offer something, anything to try to quell the guilt in her gut at Rachel's situation.

"We..." Rachel smiled softly, shaking her head, "no, it's a little too expensive. We rent a small place in West Orange and take the train or the bus in to town. You have a driver now?" She offered a soft chuckle. "You must have done well for yourself, Santana, as expected," a soft sigh escaped her as she reached over to brush back Kayla's hair, "but it's okay. We just came over to get some food into my little ones' bellies while their daddy has his doctor time and gets his medicine."

What she wasn't mentioning was that they were there so that Jesse could rest and doze through the worst of the initial lightheadedness of a fresh dose of morphine. He loved being around his children and would push himself to stay awake and alert much longer than he should unless Rachel physically removed them from the building. It wouldn't have been so bad if they'd both been like Cale and ready for a nap around this time of the day - they could have just cuddled with their father and all three slept while Rachel worked in the corner of the room - but Kayla was getting to the age where she was getting stubborn about her naps and Rachel didn't want to risk arguing with her about sleeping in front of Jesse.

"It's good to see you again, Santana," her smile was tired but friendly, "I'm afraid I haven't done such a good job keeping up with everyone. Or, well, anyone. I've been busy, as I'm sure you can see." She gave Cale a little bounce to keep him up on her hip, "I hadn't heard you'd married though, congratulations and, um, I'm sorry for the past tense of the relationship?"

"After my first major car crash, my ex decided that I wasn't allowed to drive..." She shrugged, she had to admit having a driver was really helpful mostly because she was scared to drive now. "It's cool, Berry. I didn't keep in touch with anyone ether, but that kinda happens when you go to school out of country... Plus, getting married young didn't help the social life." She smiled and reached into her briefcase and grabbed her business card holder and pulled one out. She quickly scrawled her personal phone number on the spare white space. "Here, take this." She handed out the card for Rachel to take. "That's more or less all of my numbers. I kinda live at work so you're more than able to get ahold of me there or on the mobile." She leaned down one more time, asking Kayla what she'd like for lunch before turning back to Rachel with a wink, "What would you and the boy like to eat? My treat?"

Rachel's jaw dropped slightly and she quickly shook her head, "Oh, Santana, that's okay. You truly don't have to do that. If anything, I owe iyou/i lunch for Kayla running into you." She took the card, looking it over before slipping it into the breast pocket of her shirt, "Thank you for the contact information. I'll certainly make an effort not to be as anti-communicative in the future, though I cannot promise anything given the current circumstances."

Digging in her purse, she came up with a small notepad and pen. Quickly jotting down her own number and the address of their apartment in West Orange, she tore the paper from the pad and folded it once neatly, before handing it across the table. "In reciprocation, my own methods of contact. I'm a transcriptionist, so I more or less work from home these days, which is good since these little devils need someone around." She smirked at her children, giving Cale a little squeeze and ruffling Kayla's hair gently.

Santana smiled softly before walking over to the counter and bantering in Spanish to the young man behind the counter. After a minute or two, Santana kissed the boy's cheek causing him to blush before walking over in a unintended strut to the family. "Word." She slid the paper into her card keeper and back into her bag. "I talked to Javier and anything you guys want is covered, so please get anything you'd like." she tugged her long wavy black hair out of the strap of her bag and picked up her coffee and smiled at the kids. "Make sure your mommy calls me sometime?" She smiled back at Rachel before waving a short goodbye and left the deli.

Rachel watched her leave with a vaguely shocked expression as Kayla nodded and bounced in her chair waving at the departing woman. She didn't need _charity_ or whatever strange impulse it was that Santana was having to insist on buying them lunch. She may not be the most well off person, at least not as well off as one Santana Lopez - she flipped over the card and her eyes widened as she read her business title - _COO and Producer at Avalon Records!_

Her jaw dropped as she stared at the door. She didn't know how it had happened - she certainly wasn't sure that she _wanted_ to - but Santana had somehow managed to make a success of herself in a part of the very industry Rachel had wanted to succeed in. Her gaze dropped to her children looking up at her expectantly and she smiled, one hand resting gently on her belly - every time she looked at them she remembered why she'd decided to stop pursuing a career in music and acting. And why she'd always make the same choice.

Her family came first. She grinned, tousling Kayla's hair, "Let's get some lunch, okay, little star?"


	4. Chapter 4: Phonecall

**(A/N: Thank you again for reviewing. Keep reading and telling us what you think!)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Four - Late Night Conversations<strong>

Santana got home somewhere close to 11:45 later that weeks and slumped onto her couch. She spread her arms out and let the bags that weighted her down fall to the floor as she melted into the fabric of the sofa. She stayed there for a few minutes before pushing herself up and moving to her bedroom and stripping from the tight business suit. She put it in the dry-cleaning pile and changed into a pair of boxers and a tank top, her hair pulled up into a sloppy bun as she flopped onto her plush king sized bed. She snuggled into the blankets as she reached out and grabbed her iPad and typed in the bookmarked website that she had found at work.

_Jesse St. James, 33. _Santana read on about how Jesse and Rachel were in some off-Broadway shows when they learned that he had Leukemia. Santana sighed sadly, shaking her head at the information. She never much liked Jesse, but no one should have to go through what he was. He had kids and a wife, it all just seemed so unfair. She pushed away her tablet and laid on her back with a sigh. "I thought my life sucked..."

* * *

><p>Miles away in West Orange, Rachel was updating Jesse's CaringBridge page - not that she thought anyone read it anymore but her dads and Jesse's parents - and working her way towards her second glass of wine. She stared at the screen with a soft sigh, changing windows to quickly type up another two pages of transcriptions. Her attention occasionally flickered to the business card neatly placed on her desk, but each time, she just shook her head and turned back to her work.<p>

She'd just finished typing the last page of work she had designated for the day and was pouring second glass of wine - making a mental note to switch to juice after this as she corked the bottle, she didn't drink often, especially not while pregnant, but today had hit her harder than most - when the white card caught her attention again. She walked away with the bottle, thinking about it as she put the bottle away in an upper cabinet and pulling the grape juice out of the fridge instead. She wasn't certain what to do - if she should call, if she shouldn't - but she did know she was lonely.

Jesse had been her best friend for the last few years. She still kind of spoke with Kurt and occasionally Mercedes, but this wasn't something she felt she could tell them about. She didn't know who she could talk to, or who would even care. Jesse hadn't been well liked amongst her friends even at his best.

Finally, she sighed softly, taking a sip of wine as she picked up the card and turned it over to look at the mobile number scribbled on the back. Picking up her cellphone from where it sat beside the keyboard, she made her way into her bedroom - the bedroom she was _supposed _to share with her husband, she thought tiredly, almost bitterly. She changed into her sleep clothes and closed the door so not to disturb her children and curled up on the bed, setting her glass and the bottle of juice on the nightstand beside the bed.

With some trepidation, unsure how much of Santana's kindness from earlier had been just a facade of politeness in front of her children, she opened the phone and carefully typed in the number from the back of the card. Holding it up to her ear, she listened to the steadily accumulating rings with her lip caught between her teeth. She was almost ready to hang up when it was finally answered. "H-hello? Santana?"

Santana had been wandering around her house, was it always so cold and lonely? Or was that just her current feelings about everything in New York? She sighed, dropping a lime wedge in her gin and tonic before heading back into her bedroom. She sucked the liquid up through the straw as she sat on her bed with a sigh. After a few moments of silence she heard the soft sound of her phone vibrating against her couch, with great effort she got up and grabbed it flicking it open before it went to voicemail.

"Hello?" She answered, not taking time to look at the caller ID. That's when she heard the voice that she'd been thinking about off and on all week. It was Rachel, "Hey, everything okay?" she asked, half scared to hear the answer.

Rachel felt a gentle rush of relief that the voice answering her call wasn't the pre-recording of a voicemail. She hated talking to voicemails, never quite knowing what to say, what message to leave. Especially not when she wasn't entirely certain how she was supposed to be feeling - more numb than anything she was thinking, taking a sip of her wine.

"Yes, I mean... no, that was right," she fumbled with her words, not entirely sure why she'd called Santana anymore, "Everything's fine. I'm... I'm sorry I called so late, you were probably sleeping." She smiled apologetically, hoping it would translate through the phone, "It's okay. I'm sorry to bother you, Santana."

She was just lonely and feeling lost. The doctors were saying there was only maybe a couple of months left before the end at the most for Jesse and she wasn't sure how to handle it. She had to be strong for Kayla and Cale, though, and couldn't let them see how it was effecting her. She had no idea how she was going to tell them when Jesse was finally gone for good - her breath caught slightly in her throat as she moved to hang up the phone. "I'm very sorry. Perhaps we'll talk again at some more appropriate time."

"No!" Santana stumbled, "I just got home, I was just grabbing a drink and relaxing." She said as she sat down on the couch and curled her legs under her. "It's totally cool, don't hang up!" She said, not really knowing why he had such a sudden need for contact with someone she hadn't seen in over ten years. "How are you? You sound exhausted." Santana pointed out, before realizing how stupid that sounded, "Shit. Sorry, of course you're tired, two kids and one on the way and... everything else."

Rachel shrugged, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her chest instead of hanging up, "I'm always tired these days," she chuckled softly, "I suppose it comes with the territory. Kayla and Cale can be quite the little handful sometimes and it's hard to be comfortable with the little one in my belly most of the time."

Her hand ran over her stomach as the little one kicked - indigent at the suggestion that he was causing her discomfort, she supposed with a small smile. "I'm as well as can be expected given the situation. This little one is feisty though, a real fighter." Her smile fell away into something less happy as the thought that Jesse would never meet him flashed through her mind, "I'm... it's a shame he'll never know his father." The words pulled from her in a soft whisper, a trace of regret in her voice as she rubbed her belly.

"But enough about my depressing life," she laughed with false cheer, forcing optimism into her voice, "what have you been up to for the last decade? COO and Producer of Avalon Records according to your business card. Very impressive, Santana."

"You're what like.. 6, 7 months?" She asked as she rested back against the plush grey couch. "They're really cute kids, Rachel. You've done good with them, I'm still kinda shocked... I mean I thought that you'd be like crazy famous and but I kinda like the idea of you and kids better than the latter." She smiled as she took a sip of her drink.

"Huh.. Ten years, well.. I guess I'm technically Santana Lopez-Spencer." she almost couldn't hide the scoff that tumbled out of her lips. "But, I ended that about three years ago. I got married my third year at the University of London... he's also the CEO of the label so most people think I just slept my way to the top." She sighed, knowing that that reputation would not be lost on someone who knew her in high school.

Rachel scoffed, more than willing to turn her attention to Santana's life and not hers, "perhaps I made such a suggestion in a heated moment during my admittedly immature high school years, but I also competed with you _and_ against you throughout those same years and frankly that's ridiculous, Santana." She rolled on her back, staring up at the ceiling, wine forgotten on the table beside her, phone held to her ear like a lifeline, "You've always had an almost frightening level of drive and more than sufficient ruthlessness to succeed in the music industry. Anyone who says otherwise is simply jealous of your success."

She'd missed having someone to talk to about things. Even if she was rather avoiding the giant pink elephant in the room that was Jesse's impending death and how she was not really coping with it at this point. She smiled softly, "I... this may sound incredibly odd, in which case, I must say I blame it upon the hormones of pregnancy, but I've missed you, Santana." She paused a moment, mulling over what she'd just said, "Yes, I believe that did sound rather odd, but I still mean it."

Santana chuckled softly, "Well... Maybe, but it's still not why he married me or gave me a job... but whatever. I like what I do..." She was timid about her success, she knew that if she hadn't married Tobias she wouldn't be where she is right now. But, she also knows it's not uncharacteristic to use her sexuality and womanly charms to get what she wants - she did have sex with Finn to get head cheerleader back in the day. She took another long drink and listed to Rachel talk. "It's good I like my job, since I kinda live there and eat, sleep and breathe my artists..."

She smiled as Rachel spoke, "I kinda missed you too. I don't talk to anyone anymore outside of work, and I'm sure since your hands are so full right now you could use a friend... if you want."

Rachel laughed, her fingers tightening slightly on the phone's casing the only sign of how distressed she was about things, "My hands are full? I suppose that's one way of putting it and I've always been in a position to use a friend, Santana. From the sounds of things, you perhaps could benefit with one as well. In which case, I would like to offer my likely rusty but most sincere services."

She went quiet for a moment, thinking she heard one of her children crying out, but it was quiet in the apartment. "Kayla seems quite taken with you as well. She's been pestering me all week to find out when she can see you again and get to learn more of your "funny words"." She couldn't help the instinctual need to make air quotes with her free hand, grinning at the ceiling at the idea of her inquisitive little girl referring to Spanish in such a fashion. "Cale's more reserved, but then he's fairly shy at first with most people and we were in a strange place as well. You should join us for dinner over here some time."

She blanched slightly, realizing how big of a presumption she was making by saying that, "Um, I mean, you don't have to of course, please don't feel obligated" she stammered, "I know we're not the sort of dinner company you probably are used to and they can be quite messy..."

"No... it would be nice." Santana smiled, "Dinner would be very nice... I can't remember the last time that I didn't eat alone or not in a business meeting." She finished her drink, "Where did you say you lived again?" She wasn't really that fluent with anywhere outside of Manhattan or Brooklyn. "I used to live in Manhattan, but now I live in a townhouse in Brooklyn... You can the kids should let me know next time your in the city. Maybe I can bring you guys home and we can do dinner...?" She asked tentatively, "I mean. I just have a car and it's quicker than the train and safer since I'm not driving." she chewed her lip, "if you want."

"We live in West Orange. In New Jersey. Come to your house for dinner? I don't know..." Rachel fretted slightly, worrying about how Cale would react in an unfamiliar environment. She heaved herself up and out of bed, walking over to look out the window and twitching the curtain aside with her finger as she thought about it. Suddenly it dawned on her that Santana could consider her trepidation regarding her children's comfort as rejection of the idea out of hand.

"It's... Santana, please be assured that this has nothing to do with not wishing to join you in your home for dinner," she hastened to reassure her, "I'm simply not sure how well Cale would respond. Kayla... she'll talk to anyone no matter what I do to convince her not to, but he can be so shy and I'm afraid things are already stressful on him right now. Considering..." The little boy that could be so brash and rough and tumble in his play had been getting progressively more shy and clinging to his father as Jesse weakened.

Santana nodded as Rachel spoke, forgetting that they were on the phone. "Then if you think you and they would be more comfortable we can totally do something in your neck of the woods." She stated, feeling so sad for the kids. Santana knew what it felt like to lose a parent - she lost her mother when she was a little bit older than Kayla. She knew that this was difficult for everyone in the tiny family of her former teammate. "Just let me know and I can free up and afternoon... and you can still use my car if you'd like."

"That..." Rachel smiled, letting the curtain fall closed again, "that sounds very nice, Santana. Thank you for being understanding. I simply believe that it may be easier for him to properly introduced to you as a positive thing here where he's comfortable rather than an unfamiliar place. Right now all they really have is Jesse and I since our parents still live in Ohio and it'd be nice to have other positive influences in their lives."

She blushed, ducking her head even though Santana couldn't see, realizing she was presuming again, "I mean, if you didn't mind, of course. I know many people consider children to be troublesome and a hassle and if you'd rather not, I completely understand."

She felt foolish. Santana was only offering to be her friend because she'd called at an absurd hour and sounded so pathetically sad she was sure. Nothing about that should lead her to believe the producer would want anything to do with her children as well. She berated herself silently, telling herself not to assume things, especially not about her former Glee clubber.

"Dude... shut up." She just stated, "I would love to have dinner with you and your brood." She stated quickly, "I need something normal to do and I think that your kids are cute and you need to not fixate on your situation 24/7 okay? I think you should take a minute and breathe and I'd like to provide a distraction."

Rachel took in a shuddery breath, sitting down heavily on the edge of the bed and running her hand through her hair. "Thank you," she whispered, feeling strangely relieved by Santana's reassurances. "Just let me know whenever would be good for you. Our schedule is fairly routine since most of our time is spent either here or at Calvary. I'm just grateful that it's summer now and Kayla can spend more time with Jesse..."

Her voice broke slightly, but she quickly got it back under control, smiling sadly, "I don't know how I'm going to tell her, Santana." she murmured, holding onto the phone and her belly like they were the only things keeping her grounded at the moment. "I don't know how I'm going to tell _either_ of them... when... when it finally... ends."

"How much time does he have?" she asked quietly, she knew that they weren't close but right now since Rachel brought it up she had to ask. "They understand he's really sick. Trust me they get it... but how much time does he have." She got up and moved to the kitchen to make another drink to calm her nerves.

Rachel was quiet for a long time. She curled on the bed, only the soft sound of her breathing letting Santana know she was still there. Finally she swallowed softly and spoke, sounding lost and for a moment just as alone as she felt, "Just a couple more months at best. He's in..." She swallowed, blinking back tears, her voice thickening slightly, "he's in so much pain. I know he's holding on for us, but... it hurts to see him like this."

It wasn't anything she'd normally bring up with someone she hardly talked to, but she _was _alone. Her fathers were sympathetic, but they didn't understand. Jesse's parents were too tied up in the fact they were losing their son to offer Rachel any comfort. She just _needed_ someone. Just someone to listen and recognize how much it hurt to be losing the man she loved, that she'd committed her _life_ to being with.

"I'm sorry Rachel... If there is anything... anything I can do... for you or the kids. Please, please tell me." She said softly, she didn't want to bring up how lost her father was when her mother died. She didn't want to tell Rachel she knows what her children are feeling, that she saw her father fall apart and forget about her for weeks when she was a child. "I just... I want you to know that I'm here if you want me to be. I know that we haven't seen each other in years and that we're not actually that good of friends... but I want to be here for you." Santana finishes making her drink and moved to sit down on her bed.

"That's," Rachel reached up and wiped her eyes, "that's very kind of you, Santana. I truly appreciate it." Her voice was soft, "He's just such a big part of my life. He was so involved with Kayla and then Cale. I've never been alone like this before during a pregnancy. I know he wants to be here for me now. I can see it in his eyes when I visit."

"I just... Santana, is it too much to hope that he'll live long enough to hold this little one?" She whispered into the phone, tired and oddly comforted by her old rival being on the other end. "Will I be enough for them without him to help?" She was scared of the future and the wine she'd drank earlier combined with the almost anonymity of the phone conversation was making it easier for those fears to find voice.

Santana sighed, "Rach... This might not be comforting but trust me when I say... the kids? They're resilient. Kayla and Cale will only act out and be depressed if you don't let them get passed it. The new baby will know nothing else, and you need to know that. Kids are spectacular in that regard. When my mom passed away I was not very much older than your kids and my father shut down... You seem to be doing a good job trying to make it normal and I'm proud of you for that."

Rachel nodded even though Santana couldn't see, "I know. But," she bit her lip, blinking back tears, "the only reason I can is because they need me. They don't have anyone else. They hardly know their grandparents because of how far away they are... I'm doing my best, Santana, but this is hard." She yawned, worn out emotionally and physically, "I never imagined myself in this situation. Losing my husband... becoming a single mom. I believe this may be the most difficult thing I've ever faced..."

Her voice trailed off as she started losing her struggle to stay awake, still worried. Still nervous about the future. But oddly comforted for having begun to tell _someone _how she was feeling instead of bottling it inside. For having someone willing to listen to her ramble in the late hours of the morning when everything started to feel like it was too much.

"It is... I'm not going to tell you that it's going to be okay because I don't know what it's like to lose a partner, Rachel. But, I do know what it's like to lose a parent..." Santana sighed softly, putting her glass on the nightside table and looking over and seeing that it was almost two in the morning. "Rachel... Anytime you want to talk... please call me." She was being honest, she wanted to help the tiny mother, make things easier if she could. It was too early in the morning to to try to rationalize why she suddenly felt so willing and drawn to the other woman, so she just chalked it up to the fact she was lonely too.

* * *

><p>Rachel blinked sleepily at her alarm clock, slowly realizing how late it was and how soon it would ring to begin<p>

her day all over again. She yawned, rubbing at her eyes, "I'm sorry I've kept you up so late. I truly didn't realize what time it was." She curled into the bed, resolving to just drop the phone and close her eyes when the call ended. "I'll keep your offer in mind. Thank you for listening to me, Santana. I truly appreciate it."

She smiled tiredly, "I wish I'd spent more effort getting to know you sooner and keeping in touch. We've only even known we lived in the same vacinity for a week and you may just be one of my best friends already," she laughed ruefully, "not that I have many, but that's certainly as much my fault as anyone's as I haven't been terribly social lately."

She was having trouble keeping her eyes open, so she decided to end the call, "Good night, Santana. Sleep well, and again, thank you terribly much for listening to me. You don't know how much it means to me to have someone do that." Almost as soon as the last word left her lips, she yawned exhaustedly, pulling the phone around to click it off and dropping it on the bed beside her. Worn out by the long day, her eyes fell closed and feeling far too tired to roll over and put it on the nightstand.

She was asleep almost before the phone finished settling on the bed.

"Night Rachel." Santana smiled into the phone as they hung up. She didn't have many friends who weren't solely her husbands friend's and she really didn't have any friends her age. Santana took her glass and washed it as she stood running the warm water over her hands and the glass her mind wandered back to high school. She wished that she had been more welcoming and not as mean when it came to everyone back then because maybe she could have kept in touch with someone. She knew who she'd wanted to have contact with still, but she was resigned to know that she and Brittany would never speak again. So she moved back into her bedroom, curling up into her bed and fell into a fitful sleep.


	5. Chapter 5: Jesse

**Chapter Five - Jesse.**

Rachel sat at the little table in the room, her papers spread out in front of her, the earbuds of her iPod in her ears as she listened to the dictation she was supposed to be transposing to paper, but her attention was across the room. Jesse barely had the energy left to hug his children but they didn't seem to mind, snuggling in against him on either side of his wasted body. The ball cap he used to hide the fact that he'd completely lost his thick brown hair months ago seemed larger than usual on his head as he smiled tiredly down at the little girl and boy animatedly telling him about their day.

Kayla was especially excited about their plans for the evening. Ever since she'd heard that her favorite "big friend" Santana would be joining them for dinner, the little girl had been on Cloud Nine. Most people didn't have the time - or want to take the time - to patiently explain what a word meant, but Santana didn't seem to mind at all - a fact that Rachel was inherently grateful for. It wasn't that she didn't have time for her little girl, just that it was occasionally nice to have someone else helping to distract her from worrying about her Daddy. Jesse had always been the favored parent of the little girl and she had always turned to him first for comfort or guidance while Cale looked to their mother.

Cale just nestled into his father's side, listening quietly as his big sister went on and on about how much fun it was going to be and what she wanted to show Santana when she came. He hugged his stuffed Batman doll to his chest and just laid there quietly with his head resting on his daddy's chest where his heartbeat would thrum softly in his ear. Rachel worried about her little boy almost more than Kayla. He just kept getting quieter and more subdued the weaker Jesse got and she wasn't sure how to reach him to help him with the loss that was coming.

As Rachel watched them, she found she hand to reach up to wipe away a tear. She didn't know how much longer she'd have the chance to watch her family take comfort in each other and it made her heart hurt to think it. At the soft sound of her clothing rustling as she moved, Jesse's gaze rose from their children to meet hers with a sad knowing smile. Sometimes it seemed the closer the end came, the more he seemed to realize how she was feeling or what was on her mind with just a glance. She was going to miss that knowing smile that told her he was on to her, miss how he acted around their children acting upbeat and cheerful even though she knew how much it took out of him to give that last vestige of normalcy to them.

Santana was a ball of nervous energy since her early 'hot yoga' session that morning, she had been talking to Rachel almost every night for the past two weeks. She more or less knew what to expect as she turned the corner and saw the room Rachel had texted her that they were in. She ran her hand over her black skirt that tightly hugged her thighs to smooth out the wrinkles and re adjusted the medium size bouquet of purple and white flowers in her hand.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes uttering a soft prayer to god that Jesse lived and makes it to see his son... but her hope all but vanished as she turned the corner and caught the image of the frail, shell of a man laying in the bed with his children. It took every fiber of her being to not cry, she slapped on her best _in control _i face and smiled.

"Hola," She smiled, putting the flowers on the table on the end of the bed, "It's nice to see you again, Jesse and childrens." She smiled, tossing a caring smile over to her friend.

Rachel smiled back, but it was Jesse's soft voice that rose to greet her. "Santana Lopez, wow. I was starting to wonder if you were just a figment of these two's imagination. I hear you're joining my little family for dinner? I apologize for being unable to attend. Perhaps another time?"

He tried hard to keep the edge of tired pain out of his voice, attempting to react the semi-jovial banter he'd depended on in high school. As soon as Kayla realized who had entered the room though she all but threw herself from the bed to wrap her arms around Santana's legs and grin up at her with a bright gap-toothed smile. "Santi! Santi, you're here!"

Cale just waved shyly from his father's side at Jesse's nudge, still not really opened up to the other woman yet - something Rachel was hoping would change tonight at least a bit. He just snuggled his Batman doll closer to him and buried his face in his father's chest. Jesse shrugged weakly, offering a "what can you do" smile, ignoring the dull ache his son was causing as he hid against him, his frailer flesh bruising far more easily these days.

"I'll hold you to that, Jesse." She smiled, crouching iwith great effort due to how tight her skirt was/i to greet the little girl. "Hola linda. Coma estas?" She smiled, leaning forward to whisper, "Means hello, how are you." she pulled back and stood up went over to Rachel, handing her a cup filled with decaf coffee. "Hey. I hope you don't mind but i brought y'all some fun things..." Her eyes sparkled as she spoke, rummaging through her bag. "For Rachel..." she handed her a new pair of headphones, "They're good. I stole them from work," She winked, knowing that Rachel had been complaining over the last few days that her's were breaking.

Santana walked over to Kayla and smiled, "this is awesome. Not gonna lie," She handed her a CD with little kids holding hands on the cover, "It looks super goofy, but it's a bunch of kids from all over the world singing and telling you how to say things like them." She smiled as the girl did as well before going to the boys, "And for the boys." She handed over one new cd to Jesse, "It's a off-broadway show one of my artists composed, it's pretty good... and for you little man..." She handed Cale a coloring book of batman and robin with stickers.

She pulled away, crossing her arms with a slight smile. She remembered from the amount of time she spent in the hospital as a child that whenever someone visited they brought gifts, so she decided that she'd do the same.

Kayla took the CD with wide eyes and a bright smile, running over to show Rachel, "Mama, look what Santi got me!"

Rachel smiled at her daughter, leaning down a bit awkwardly to give her a hug, "I see. It's very nice, little star. What do we say when people give us something nice?"

Kayla's eyes widened, and she ran over and hugged Santana again, "Thank you, Santi! I likes it lots!"

Rachel just chuckled, rolling her eyes at her child's youthful grasp of grammar this once instead of correcting it, "Indeed. Thank you very much for your generosity, Santana."

Jesse didn't say anything, busying himself with reading the back of the CD case. He didn't feel like the CD that Santana had brought him was anything more than a loan - the more pessimistic side of him was whispering that he'd probably not even get a chance to listen to it completely, though he shoved that part away. He didn't know how to tell her that though, so he just looked up after a while with as warm and strong a smile as he could muster. "Thank you, Santana. It's very kind of you to bring this. I'll be sure to listen to it as soon as I can." He nudged Cale who had sat up beside him and was slowly looking through the coloring book with bright eyes, "Hey, what do you say to Santana for the book, Cale?"

Cale looked up at Santana with wide eyes. For a moment, he just stared, tugging on his lip with one finger, then he smiled shyly and mumbled around his finger, "Thank you for th' Batman book, Santa."

She smiled at Cale, happy to finally seeing him happy made her heart swell. "You are very welcome, Cale. A little birdie told me you might like the Batman." She smiled and moved over to a chair near Rachel and sat down, crossing her legs at the knee and smoothing out her skirt. "It's actually pretty remarkable, Jesse. I think you'd like it, it's still in the conception stages right now but the music was the first step they're working on the book now."

She spoke with pride as she talked about her client's new venture. She looked over at Rachel and smiled softly, "Anyway, that's enough about work stuff..." She looked down at her hands, trying to not feel like she's interrupting the family's time together. She sighed and played with her wedding band out of nervous habit.

"Were I stronger, I'd wonder when casting was being done," Jesse smirked, a trace of his old brash confidence rising to the surface, "but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on this one." He tapped the case lightly against his blanket-covered thigh, "I never would have thought you to be the musical star of your little club, Santana. Rachel's been telling me about your successes. You've done quite well for yourself."

Rachel reached over and rested hand on Santana's arm with a soft smile, leaning over to whisper so the children - fascinated by their gifts - wouldn't hear, "He's getting tired, so we'll have to go soon, but I'm glad you came to see him. We don't get many visitors and this is the most talkative he's been in a couple weeks. Thank you and thank you even more for talking about the new show with him. I'm sure he enjoys it."

Jesse looked over - well aware they were talking about him - and smiled quietly at the smile on his wife's face as he stroked his fingers through his son's hair. He hadn't seen her look so happy in a long time. He wasn't a fool. He'd seen the way his illness had worn on her, pulling the brightness from her eyes and hair. He'd seen how the circles beneath her eyes had darkened even under the concealer she applied before coming over. He may not have been Santana Lopez's biggest fan when she was in high school with Rachel, but if she made Rachel smile like that again, he was willing to reevaluate.

His eyes caught on the glint of gold on Santana's hand, "You're married?" He asked, almost incredulously, as if he couldn't imagine someone taming Santana enough to get her to agree to marriage. In fact, he could only really imagine one person having her wrapped around her finger enough to pull it off, "Is it that blonde girl? What was her name, Rachel? You know, the dancer from your club."

Rachel raised a brow, "Brittany?"

"Yes, that's it! Are you and she together officially now?" He smiled, willing to be happy for her if it was the case.

Santana froze her eyes locked to the ground, "Uh..." She stumbled, her heart racing, "I... No..I'm not..." she prayed for her phone to ring, or for the world to open up and swallow her whole. She stood up hastily, clutching her phone. "I... I have to make a call." She quickly exited the room and rested against against the wall, trying to catch her breath.

iBrittany./i She had been plagued by the memory of her first love everyday for most of the last 10 years. Even when she was married she the idea of the girl who broke her heart so much, snuck into her every day life and made her question the legitimacy of her feelings. She blinked away tears, the simple thought of being married to Brittany made her want to curl up and cry.

hr

"Jesse..." Rachel chided gently, smiling sadly at his confused expression.

"What did I do?" His confusion was evident in his voice, a trace of his familiar old pout visible as he looked at the door.

She shrugged, straightening her things up and putting them away carefully before standing and neatly brushing her skirt into place. "I know you weren't really around during my senior year due to my infatuation with Finn, but we all learned not to bring up Brittany around Santana. They were," she faltered, uncertain how to explain, "close... and then they, well, iweren't/i. The last I heard Brittany and Artie were living on the West Coast. Together."

Jesse reached up with a frail hand and gently rubbed at his face, "Oh, I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"I know," Rachel smiled softly, coming over and kissing him gently, "do you think you can handle the children being in here with you for a little bit while I make sure she's okay? We'll probably head home after if you want to sing with them or something."

Jesse smiled up at her, reaching up to gently caress her cheek, "They're our kids,Rach. I can handle them for a few minutes. Please express my apologies for my insensitivity to her."

"Thank you, sweetheart, I will." She cupped his hand with hers, pressing it a little harder against her cheek as if to impress the memory of his touch into her memory, turning her head to kiss his palm, "I'll be back shortly."

"Okay," he whispered, wrapping an arm loosely around Cale and calling Kayla over to sit with them again as he cleared his throat in preparation of singing.

hr

Rachel headed out the and closed the door behind her softly, the sound of his tenor - still surprisingly vibrant despite his advancing illness - mingling with the childish voices of their children filtering through the door. She leaned back against it, wiping at her closed eyes and just listening for a moment, trying not to imagine the future where she wouldn't be able to hear that cherished sound again. It was hard and there were a thousand - a imillion/i - little things that reminded her of what she was losing everyday. Each thing pulled another fragment from her heart, her resolve, but she clung to her strength, smiling for her husband and children even though she often cried herself to sleep alone in the bed she'd shared with Jesse for years.

Finally she straightened and opened her eyes to go find her friend. Only to realize she was much closer than she'd expected. "Santana!" her voice was startled and she jumped slightly, "I... I didn't realize..." she shook her head, clearing her disorganized thoughts, "We're sorry, or well, Jesse is. He didn't realize and I should have known and... well, I'm sorry. Neither of us meant to upset you..."

Santana exhaled, her slumped body coming up to her full height as a false confidence that she had perfected over many years. "It's fine... It just caught me off guard." She smiled softly, her reached out her hand and rested it on Rachel's wrist. "It just... caught me off guard." She wiped the damp skin under her smokey lined eyes. "It's fine."

"It's just... her you know?" She smiled sadly, "I get very... It still shouldn't make me feel like this... it's stupid." She said softly, looking up.

Rachel smiled sadly, crossing the space between them to give Santana a hug. "I know and it's not stupid. You cared, very much, and that means something. It's," she swallowed softly, stepping back to wipe the tear that had slipped from her control off her cheek, "it's hard to give up someone you love. I know that."

She nodded, "It's okay. It was a long time ago..." She squeezed Rachel softly, "I'm okay. I was just surprised." She pulled away, "Come on. We should get back in and you needs to feed me soon." She winked as she straightened her suit and walked back into the room. Santana smiled at the kids with their father.

"Sorry, Jesse. I was just kinda caught off guard." She said once they were finished singing, "I was married, I've been divorced for almost three years."

"It's okay, Santana," Jesse smiled, the strain of the day starting to show in his face though it was evident he was trying to hide it, "Things catch everyone off guard now and then. I'm sorry to hear your marriage ended. Amicably, I hope?"

Rachel came over and picked up Cale who was nodding off against his father, coloring book clutched in one hand and Batman doll tucked under his arm, letting Jesse kiss his cheek before straightening, "We need to be getting home now, love. Come on, Kayla, time to go home and let Daddy sleep."

"But I don't like leaving Daddy," Kayla pouted, but leaned over and gave her father a kiss before climbing down from the bed awkwardly.

"I know you don't, little star, but Daddy needs to rest before we come see him tomorrow, okay?" Rachel brushed her hand over the little girl's hair with a gentle smile.

Kayla nodded, looking between Rachel and Santana for a moment before wandering over to Santana and holding up her hand, "You look sad. You can hold my hand if you want while we go home, Santi."

"Actually, Kayla, would you mind if I spoke with Santana for a moment before you leave?" Jesse smiled down at his little girl before looking up at Santana with a trace of hopefulness, "If you don't mind, Santana. I promise I won't keep you long."

Santana smiled and ruffled Kayla's hair, "Go on sweetie, let me talk to your daddy quickly and we can go back to your house." She looked at Rachel hesitantly before looking back at Jesse. She watched as the small family left and walked over closer to Jesse. "What's up, St. James?"

He offered her a weak smile and shrug, "I know we weren't exactly friends in high school. Or, well, let's be honest. It's not like I have anything to be afraid of anymore, right?" He smirked with a low chuckle, "We were more antagonists than anything. You were hot and kind of scary and I was, well, ime/i. But... I like to believe we both grew up somewhere between here and there."

Jesse nodded towards the door, "She's my world, you know. They all are, even the little one I," he swallowed softly, sighing to think about it but accepting of it, "probably will never get to meet. I know I'm dying, Santana. So does Rachel. We know there's not much time too, which is why they're here so often. Because of that though, I've been able to watch her getting sadder and sadder."

"Then you walked in and she smiled. I mean," he smiled wistfully, "ireally/i smiled, not the strained half-sad thing I get these days. I hadn't seen that in so long, Santana, and it's you and your friendship I have to thank for it. So... I hope you won't mind if I ask you a favor?"

Santana held her breath and listened to him speak, it was all so sad. "I'm glad I can help, even if as little as I do... I care about them... I don't really have anyone else in my life. I'm pretty sure this is the first time in weeks I left work before like, midnight." She sighed as she realized just so pathetic her life was. "What can I do for you, Jesse?"

He took a careful breath and let it out shakily to avoid coughing, "Can you... will you, I mean, please watch over them for me?" Tears glimmered in the corner of his eyes, but didn't fall - he may have accepted his own demise, but he still didn't want to leave his family, "After I'm gone? I know I'm asking a lot, perhaps too much, but they need someone to help them through this."

"Rachel's strong. She always as been. Stronger than me, I'm certain," he chuckled softly, "but this could break her and I never want that. She needs someone to lean on, a shoulder to cry on so she doesn't keep it all inside and if I'm gone she... doesn't have that. It was never intentional, but she doesn't really have any friends. Neither of us do really."

"As I said," he bit his lip, glancing up at the ceiling and blinking quickly to hold back the tears, "I know it's a lot to ask, but... at least be there for them at the funeral? There... probably won't be more than our parents and her and the kids there, after all. I don't want them to be alone..."

Santana nodded, not able to find words to say anything that would comfort the man or the thought of her new friend devastated. "I will." She nodded, "I promise." She looked at him, more sincere than she had been in a long time. "I... I know what it's like, to lose a parent." She said softly, "I'll make sure that the kids are okay and Rachel too."

"Thank you," he whispered, slumping back into the bed, comforted by the simple promise, "I don't know if you can understand how important it is to me for them to be cared for when I can't do it any more. Rachel will be okay, in time. Her resiliency is something that I've always loved about her. But I worry about the little ones. Kayla's always been my little girl and she's old enough to know what's happening on some level, but Cale needs a friend."

He was tired and it showed. Continuing to talk to her was a strain, but he pushed through it to smile at her - a glimmer of the old Jesse's confidence shining through, "You are a good woman, Santana Lopez. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Just... take care of my Rachel and our children and I'll do my best to put in a good word for you upstairs." He winked, but his eyes barely opened again. "I'm sorry I'm so tired lately... I probably won't be able to make that dinner with you. I rather regret it."

"It's okay, Jesse." She said, putting her hand on his clammy one. "You can be tired," she swallowed the lump that seemed to be lodged in her throat. "You can go to sleep, okay? When you wake up tomorrow your beautiful children and wife will be here waiting for you." She smiled at him. She recognized the signs, she remembered vividly her mother passing away in her sleep but she also remembered how scared her mom was at the end.

"Jesse..." She said, hesitating before pulling away. "You don't have to be scared okay? You don't have to be scared to let go." She blinked away the tears that came to her eyes as she spoke. "Everything's gonna be okay."

"Not just yet," he whispered with a soft, sad smile, his eyes not opening, "I still have a little fight left in me. But I'm not afraid of letting go, Santana, just of leaving my family alone. It's strange," his voice, not terribly strong to begin with any longer, was growing fainter as his body's exhaustion pulled him towards sleep, "but I never thought you'd be the one to comfort her. I always," for a moment he was quiet, just breathing softly, then the rest of the sentence managed to make its way out, "thought it would be Finn..."

He slipped into slumber so quietly, only the steady chirp of the heart monitor at the side of his bed reassured that he was still alive. While he slept, the pain - while it didn't completely completely disappear - faded from his features, making him look more like the youthful man she'd first known - albeit a thinner version. His hands, that trembled slightly when he was awake, stilled in the relative peacefulness of slumber, resting easily by his sides.

Santana let out a strangled breath as she left his room and put on the best smile she could as she rejoined the dying man's family. "Ready to bounce?" She asked Rachel. She let her hand dangle down in case Kayla wanted to take it again. She quickly texted her driver telling him that they were ready.

As soon as Santana came back out, Kayla took her hand in her little one, "Don't be sad, Santi. It'll be okay."

Rachel smiled sadly down at her daughter, adjusting her grip on the sleeping toddler in her arms. "That's right, Kayla." Her gaze met Santana's, seeing the sadness there and smiling resignedly, "It'll be okay. Eventually."

The sad little group made its way to the elevators and down to the front entrance, where Santana's driver was waiting to ferry them to West Orange and the little Berry-St James home for dinner.


	6. Chapter 6: Dinner

**(A/N: thank you all for the lovely reviews! My writing partner Sio and I are currently on chapter 16 so don't worry, were gonna get them together just hold onto your hats!)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Six - Dinner at Rachel's<strong>

Santana carried the sleeping Kayla out of the car, "Man, I wish I was little and could sleep anywhere." She smiled as she held the girl in her arms, she looked around the yard of the small house. She smiled when she saw the basketball net and the playscape. "It's really nice, Rachel." she watched as Rachel and Cale moved towards the house. Santana hiked her bag over her shoulder and walked behind Rachel.

"It's the best we can afford at the moment, to be honest." Rachel shrugged as she dug in her bag for the keys to the front door, "Luckily, my work as a transcriptionist can be done pretty much anywhere, or I'd have difficulties with commuting." She shifted Cale and fumbled with the keys for a moment, but managed to get the door unlocked, pushing it open with a bump of her hip. "Welcome to our home. It's not much, but we make it work."

The house was small, a place given to small rooms and narrow halls. The front door opened directly into the living room, then headed to a hall leading to the kitchen/dining room, bathroom and a surprising three bedrooms. Though, if she were honest, Rachel would admit that the only reason the third bedroom served as a bedroom and not a closet was because Cale was still so small. But he was so proud of his "big boy room" that she couldn't begrudge it of him.

"I'm just going to lay them down for a nap while I work on dinner," she added, heading down the hall towards the children's rooms, "This is Kayla's room here," she nodded at a door with a pink star with 'Kayla' written in a flowing black script on it, "Cale's is back here."

Pushing into the smallest bedroom in the house, she cradled her son to her chest as she tugged back the covers. Laying him down and pulling off his shoes, she tucked him in with a gentle kiss to his forehead to sleep for a little while until dinner was ready. "Poor little man," she whispered, sliding the coloring book out of his grip and setting it on his dresser, "all tuckered out."

Straightening and heading out of the room with it's blue train on the door, she closed the door quietly behind her and went in search of her guest and daughter. It wasn't a big house and the search didn't take long before she found them, "Are you in the mood for salad, rice or pasta tonight, Santana?"

Santana went and laid the little girl in her purple and pink bed, sitting on the side of the bed and slid the girls hooded jacket off her and her little mary janes off. She folded them and set them on the small dresser before coming out to find Rachel. "They're so sleepy." She smiled as she leaned against the doorframe. "Whatever you and the kids like. I'm easy." She shrugged, not really remembering the last time she had a homemade meal. "Would you mind if I changed?" she motioned to her tight fitting suit. "This is kind of stuffy and constricting."

Rachel rolled her eyes, teasing, "You're hardly ieasy/i, Santana, and you can use my room if you'd like. Just over there," she nodded towards the last door on the left side of the hall. "There's a bathroom with a shower if you'd like to freshen up any. You're more than welcome to use anything in the bathroom you may need."

It was nice to tease and joke, but more than that to have someone else in the house besides just her and the kids. She made her way into the kitchen, grateful she wasn't as astoundingly awkward in this final stage of pregnancy as she had been with Kayla. Now was not the time to be getting bedridden after all.

She rummaged in the fridge, pulling out what she needed for a quick vegetable stirfry. While her veganism had fallen to the wayside, she hoped Santana wouldn't mind the vegetarian meal. Perusing her herbs, she spotted the cilantro with a smile and changed the intent of the quick fried veggies from a stirfry to fajitas, reaching back into the fridge to grab the package of tortillas and swapping the snow peas for peppers. Setting up her pans and getting the rice cooking, she started prepping everything for the quick meal.

* * *

><p>Santana pushed through Rachel's bedroom door with a quick mutter of a thank you, she grabbed her bag and started to unzip her skirt. She pulled it off and folded it before she unbuttoned her silk blouse. She folded that as well as she looked in the mirror, sighing at how tired she looked. She went in the bathroom, quickly deciding to wash her face before changing her mind and deciding to shower completely. She jumped in and quickly washed the make up and the day off before jumping out and drying off. She grabbed her low-riding boyfriend jeans and slid them on and fastened the belt before putting on a sports bra and a black long sleeved thermal top. She dried her hair and ran her fingers through it. After quickly cleaning up after herself she folded everything and headed back out to see Rachel.<p>

"Thank you so much. I feel so much more human now." She smiled as she leaned against the fridge watching Rachel cook. "Can I do anything?"

Rachel just shook her head, "That's okay, I think I have it handled. Besides, you're my guest. It's my job to take care of you tonight." she smiled brightly - though there was still a trace of the constant pain regarding Jesse in her eyes - as she tossed the sliced peppers in with the onions and garlic, "You're certainly welcome to the use of the bathroom and anything else here. Please, make yourself at home."

Finally she turned to look at the Latina, chuckling softly as she took in her change of clothes, "Oh, now ithere/i is the Santana I remember." She smirked, teasing Santana as she picked up the wooden spoon and tossed the veggies, "I was wondering if she would ever come out from behind the fiercely attractive COO that I've been seeing lately."

She tapped the spoon on the side of the pan to knock the clinging bits free before setting it down and grabbing a jar from the cabinet, tossing a small palmful of the spice mix into the pan and moving to chop up the cilantro and squeeze the lime for the rice, "I hope you don't mind vegetarian fajitas for dinner, Santana. I finally surrendered to inevitability and gave up veganism when my little ones started craving dairy products while I was carrying them, but I'm still a fairly strict vegetarian. Allowing for dairy products and the occasional - iun/ifertilized - egg, that is."

Santana laughed softly as she watched Rachel flutter about the kitchen with the grace no heavily pregnant woman should have. "Yeah well. I'm still keepin' it real." She smirked as she moved closer at the smell of cilantro. "Question, are you just making Mexican typed food cuz I'm here? Cuz, that shit's racist."

She joked as she took over stirring the food in the pan. "I don't actually eat meat anymore." She shrugged, "My nutritionist said that meat is bad and I shouldn't eat it... this is also the same bitch that has me doing yoga in a 103 degree room. Crazy fucking hippy."

She bumped Rachel's hip as she helped, "Do the kids eat any meat? Or are they veg too?"

"For your information, I'm making fajitas because my children enjoy it, I thought you might as well, and I have all the ingredients for it and _not_ because of your racial heritage," Rachel scoffed, holding her head high, "As if I would do that, anyway. That's terrible to even suggest, Santana."

She chuckled, coming back over to check the pan Santana was stirring, "She's right. About the meat anyway, vegetables are much more pure. Even for those who do indulge in animal flesh, it's best to limit your intake of it." She wrinkled her nose in distaste, "Commercial farms put all kinds of vile chemicals and hormones into those poor abused animals and all of that ends up in their flesh. And that's not even beginning to touch on the disgusting ways the meat is handled once they slaughter the poor beasts. Hanging up to _rot_ for _days_…" she shuddered, "completely vile and nauseating."

"As for the yoga though," she gave Santana an odd look, "I have absolutely no idea why you would want to do that in sweltering heat. It sounds horribly sticky and uncomfortable. But, no, the kids eat vegetarian, as does Jesse. It's easier that way and they don't seem to mind, though of course, we don't restrict dairy products or eggs in our diet now and I'm fairly certain Jesse took Kayla out for fish on her fourth birthday. The little cheaters." She smiled fondly, shaking her head as she finished cooking.

She rolled her eyes at Rachel and chuckled. "Yes, I'm well aware the animals and fish have rights. That they are treated horribly and so on and so forth," She rolled her hand and brushed Rachel's rant off. "All I'm saying is that I really fucking want a cheeseburger sometimes." She pouted as she poked the food in the pan. "I think it's been at least 5 or 6 years for me. Tobias got annoyed when I gained like five pounds after we got married."

Santana reached up and grabbed the plates that Rachel pointed out, "That's cool, as long as they get the nutrients they need." She shrugged, "And it's organic it's all good. And the yoga, say what you will... but my ass looks amazing." She winked before walking away to put the plates on the table.

Rachel couldn't help but look at Santana's ass over her shoulder after that last line. Her eyebrows rose as she realized that she was appreciating - from a purely aesthetic point of view, of course - the play of the muscles moving under the well-cut denim stretched over her ass as the Latina walked to the table. Blushing and feeling vaguely guilty, she turned back to the food, clearing her throat subtly before speaking, "Yes, well, I'm certainly glad it's working out for you then. However, if you truly desire a cheeseburger, why not have one? I would strongly suggest going to the trouble of obtaining Kosher ground beef for it."

Without even turning around, she smirked and gave the veggies a toss, "Don't roll your eyes at me, Santana. While you may consider it just a religious bit of silliness, Kosher beef is killed quickly and cleanly and not aged in any way, which means unlike standard beef, it hasn't been left to _rot_ for days before even being offered for sale in a butcher shop. If you must eat meat, it should at least be clean, fresh and not pumped full of chemicals."

Grabbing a trivet from beside the stove, she turned with the pan in hand and made her way to the table with the fajitas. "Could you do me a favor and wake the little ones while I finish putting things on the table? Please make sure they wash their hands too."

Santana put her hands up, "Woman, I haven't eaten meat in a long time, so I doubt I'll start now... I love my wardrobe way too much." She said as she washed her hands. When she heard Rachel's request, thought she started feeling nervous. "Uh, won't they, um, be scared of someone they don't know waking them up?" She asked, hesitant to go and scare the kids.

Rachel looked up from the fridge where she was getting the side garnishes for fajitas looking slight confused, "What? Oh, perhaps Cale might but Kayla should be fine. She likes you and is used to being woken by people other than Jesse or myself. If Cale cries, don't worry, I'll come in to reassure him that it's okay."

She stood a bit awkwardly with her armful of items, setting them on the counter and dishing things up, "it'll be fine, Santana, don't worry." She smiled reassuringly at the nervous woman as she quickly diced a tomato, "They like you after all. And we can always consider this a test run to see if you'd make a suitable babysitter if need be." She winked at Santana with a grin, pointing at her with the tip of her knife.

"Don't point that at me." She said as she walked out of the kitchen and headed to Cale's room. She knelt down next to the little boy's bed. "Cale?" She ran her hand down Cale's back and through his hair. "Sweetie, it's time to wake up." She smiled as his face scrunched up and he reached for her. "Hi buddy." She scooped him up, rocking him gently as she headed over to Kayla's room.

"Mariposa." She said, rousing the girl from her slumber. "Dinner time. Mommy made tasty food." She smiled as Kayla nodded and raised her arms in a lazy stretch. "Go wash up okay?" Kayla rolled out of her bed and headed to the bathroom.

Santana smiled and kissed Cale's cheek. "Come on little one. Wake up."

Cale grumbled quietly and buried his face into Santana's shoulder, one chubby toddler hand getting a hold on her shirt and holding on tightly. He didn't cry or scream, but didn't show any signs of truly waking up either. Kayla came out of bathroom drying her hands on a towel that probably should have stayed in the bathroom, looking the pair over with a giggle.

"Cale's a big sleepyhead," she stated with a giggle, bouncing over to reach up and tickle his bare feet. "Wakey wakey, Caaaley! Time for dindin!"

Cale grumbled more and wiggled until he had his face hidden against San's neck, his free arm curling around her neck in a half hug, half holding on move. "Dun wanna, Kay, sleepy."

Santana giggled and kissed the boy's head. "Come on baby boy. We can have dinner and watch... umm you look like a boy who likes Lion King?" she suggested, looking at Kayla for back up as she felt the boy wake up more. "Yummy dinner." She smiled, blowing a raspberry on his neck causing him to giggle sleepily.

Cale lifted his head and rubbed his eyes, blinking a few time before looking at Santana. He studied her face for a moment, trying to decide whether to scream or not. He watched her looking into her eyes for a second before laying his head back on her shoulder. "Hungry." he said quietly, as he nuzzled closer.

The latina beamed as she hugged the sleepy boy in her arms. "Come on cuties, dinnertime." She took Kayla's hand and lead them back to the kitchen, after wiping Cale's hands with a cloth. "All done." She smiled at Rachel.

Rachel looked up from where she was setting the last glass of iced tea on the table - with sippy cups for the little ones - and grinned at the tiny entourage coming down the hall. "And you thought you were going to have trouble," she chuckled softly, wiping her hands on a dish towel and coming to take Cale to put him in his high chair, "There we are, sweetie. You hungry?"

He planted a sloppy baby boy kiss on Santana's cheek before letting go so Rachel could carry him to the chair, "Yes, Mama. I very hungry. We eat now?"

"That's _are_ we eating now, Cale," she corrected gently, kissing the top of his head, "and yes, we are. I made your favorite too."

His eyes brightened, "Feettas?"

Kayla snickered as she clambered up into the chair with a booster seat on it, "They're faaa-he-taas not Feettas, silly."

Cale promptly stuck his tongue out at his big sister. Rachel sighed with an exasperatedly fond smile, "Alright, that's enough, you two. Santana, you can sit where you like. I know you're not Jewish, so you needn't pray with us if you don't wish to."

She sat at the open space and softly sung the prayers for their food her hands reached out for her children's. After the short prayer, she nodded and started serving, "okay, everyone let's eat."

Santana watched the family with a smile, closing her eyes and bowing her head in her own silent prayer. "This looks amazing Rachel." She smiled as she put some food on her plate and looked over to the kids. "Did you sleepy-heads have a nice nap?" She asked as she leaned over without thinking and helped Cale cut his vegetables. "Rach? I may have promised a Disney movie of Cale's choosing after dinner, if that's okay." She bit her lip slightly as she realized she may have overstepped her responsibilities.

She took a small bite of her rice and made a small yummy noise. "So good!" She said excitedly, "You may have found a permanent dinner mate if you cook like this all the time."

"I merely try to provide my family with healthy and tasteful options for their meals, Santana," Rachel may have been being modest in her words but the beaming smile on her face at the compliment belied them. She took her own bite of food, chewing and swallowing before addressing the earlier question. "That's quite alright, Santana. In fact I was going to ask if you'd like to stay and join us for a movie tonight anyway."

Santana took a small sip of her drink and nodded, "That'd be great. Not like I have anything to go home to anyway." She shrugged, "Plus, I loves me some Disney. Mulan? She kicks some serious butt, Aladdin is awesome because of Jafar and Ursula was pretty killer too." She smirked.

"I'm fairly certain that Ursula is the villain of that mov..." Rachel stopped, shaking a finger at Santana with a grin, "Santana Lopez, you are a brat. But you may consider yourself to have an open invitation to our home whenever you'd like to visit. We truly do enjoy having you here, right kids?"

Kayla nodded fiercely with a bright smile, though she didn't speak until shed swallowed her food, "Uh-huh! Santi's the best, Mama. Can you visit more please, Santi?"

Cale just nodded shyly, whispering softly, "I like Santa. She's nice and gave me Batman colors."

"Awesome!" She smiled and ate some more giving a wink to Cale. "I loves me some Batman, buddy. Remind me to bring over my box set one night... it's kick butt." She continued eating, "also I'm fond of your brood Rachel so I'm excited to be around a bit more." She smiled as she finished eating. "Why don't me and Kayla do the dishes and Cale and mom go pick out the movie?" She offered knowing Rachel was beyond exhausted. "It's okay, go rest."

"It's okay, Santana, I can -" she began only to be cut off by her daughter giving her a firm glare that was almost a perfect imitation of her father's stubborn scowl. A fact that almost made her tear up because he wasn't there with them to see it.

"No. You an Caley are gonna go find a movie and Santi and I is gonna clean up _together_. Right, Santi?" Kayla looked up at the Latina for reassurance.

"Totally," she took Kayla's hand. "You guys do that and get snuggly and K and I will get these dishes done." She smiled as she lead the girl to the kitchen before coming to grab a stack of dirty dishes. "So, little helper. Wanna sit on the counter and rise the dishes?" She asked as she opened the dishwasher.

When Kayla nodded Santana picked her up and sat her near the sink as she showed her how to scrape the dishes into the disposal. "Good job," Kayla hummed a song as she helped and they quickly cleaned up the kitchen.

"Wanna go change into pajamas and we can go find your mom and Cale?" Santana asked after they finished and washed their hands.

"Yes, please," Kayla chirped, holding her hands out to Santana to be picked up off the counter with a bright and trusting smile. She didn't care about any past Santana had with her mom, just that she was making her mom smile and laugh again while her daddy was away and sick. "Can I shows you my room? Mama got me a bookshelf when we moved and I wanna see if I can fills it all the way up with good things to read when I learn how."

* * *

><p>In the living room, Rachel and Cale were curled up on the sofa together talking quietly, Rachel having gotten him changed into his pajamas before going to into the living room to select a film. Santana's suggestion of Lion King earlier had strongly influenced the little boy, and the menu screen of the DVD was running on the TV as they waited for the girls to be finished with their self appointed chore. She may not have wanted to admit it, but Rachel was grateful to finally be off her feet for a while, and Cale was more than happy to have his mom available to cuddle and chat with him about whatever he wanted.<p>

Santana smiled, helping the girl change and fold her clothing. "You're a really good helper, Kayla," she smiled helping the girl to brush her teeth and hair. "Maybe in a few weeks you want to help me throw a party for your mom? It's a secret though, she needs a baby shower and I believe we're the girls to throw it." she winked, smiling at the beaming little girl.

"Can we?" Kayla squealed happily, clapping her hands and bouncing about in delight. "I wanna make Mama happy again."

"You're my girl then," Santana laughed, leading the girl back out to the living room.

"All done," she said plopping down in the couch with Rachel and Cale. "Ok, the Lion King, good pick."

"Yes and I understand _someone_ may have influenced my son in this direction," Rachel commented, the twinkle in her eyes as she looked over at the Latina as she sat down beside her giving away the teasing nature of her words. "Such hardship, watching Disney with some of my favorite people."

"Don't be mean, Mama," Kayla scolded, clambering up on the sofa to sit on the other side of Santana and nestle against her side, "Movie time now?"

Rachel chuckled, reaching for the controller for the DVD player, "Yes, little star, it's movie time." Once she hit play she leaned over to whisper in Santana's ear, "Normally we might have popcorn, but they just ate and I don't want them waking up in the middle of the night with upset tummies from being overfull." She started to pull away, then hesitated, deciding to explain herself, "I mean, in case you were wondering."

Santana chuckled as she heard tiny voices singing along to the songs. "No worries, I don't think _my _tummy can take anymore." she smirked as she rested her palm on the swell of Rachel's stomach. "I know yours can't take anymore." she teased as she wrapped her arm around Kayla.

Rachel was about to reply when she felt the distinct feeling of a tiny hand slapping against the inside of her womb under where Santana's hand was resting. She chuckled despite the mild discomfort of the feeling, "I think someone is disagreeing with you, Santana." She rubbed the side of her belly gently, "Calm down, little one, it's just Santana, no need to be distressed."

Santana looked stricken, she actually _felt_ the baby inside her friend. She looked up and gaped with wide eyes. "I felt that! So fucking weird." she whispered, keeping her hand there to see if she felt more.

"Santana!" Rachel scolded, softly to avoid attracting the attention of the two children sitting on either side of them but seriously, "_Language_, please. There are _children_ present, if you don't mind. And of course you felt it. He _did_ slap your hand after all." She let out a soft grunt at a particularly forceful kick against Santana's hand, smiling tightly, "Little future soccer player or football kicker I think."

"Hmm. I vote soccer, more skill less brute." Santa said, turning back to watch the movie, her thumb running over where the baby kicked her. "You're like a fish tank or a snow globe." she chuckled.

"Kurt is hardly a brute and he was the kicker for the Titans for a while," Rachel chuckled, "before he left them to join the Cheerios with you and the others, that is." She sighed softly and leaned over, resting her head on Santana's shoulder, "I don't think I very much appreciate the comparison, Santana, but I'm a little too tired to argue at the moment."

"Sleep then. The kids are alright, just rest." Santana whispered. "you need to rest so the fishy inside you can grow." she teased, "I'll put the wee ones to bed before I leave."

"Please don't call my son a fish, Santana," Rachel pouted, yawning as her voice grew soft, "I wish you wouldn't go, but I know you have to." Her eyes blinked as she tried to stay awake, slowly losing the fight, "you make a," she yawned again, eyes mostly shut, "compelling argument though..."

Before she had quite managed to get the last word completely out, she slipped into sleep, leaning against Santana, head pillowed on her shoulder. It was one of the first times she'd fallen asleep before midnight and she desperately needed the sleep. A part of her felt guilty for leaving Santana to manage her children, but too much more of her clamored for her to just go to sleep and she couldn't help but follow their directives.

Santana watched Rachel for a moment before realizing that everyone had fallen asleep. She carefully put the kids to bed and tucked them in with a kiss before heading out to get Rachel. Santana carefully picked up the pregnant girl and carried get to the bedroom. After placing a kiss on her head and covering her up she laid her hand on the woman's belly. "Bye, fishy," she whispered before gathering her things and heading back to the city.


	7. Chapter 7: Day out

**Chapter Seven**

Santana sat at her desk, it had been a week since meeting Jesse and having dinner with Rachel and the kids, she took a sip of her coffee and looked out her window wondering how they were, how Jesse was. She was scared about what would happen when Jesse died. What would become of Rachel... Santana picked up her phone and types out a text to the diva.

**hey short stuff and fishy. ;) question if you could do one of the three following things what would it b. 1: spa day, 2: fancy ass vegan dinner in Manhattan or...3: me watching the kids so you can spend the day with Jesse?**

She put down her phone and turned back to her paperwork hoping the girl would respond.

* * *

><p>Gifted with a moment of respite after Jesse's mom had arrived and offered to watch her grandchildren while spending time with her son, Rachel was perusing sheet music at her favorite small music store - looking for something to share with Jesse while the children napped tomorrow - when her phone buzzed in her bag to indicate a received message. Touched with a momentary thrill of fear, she fumbled through her purse for the device. When she finally found it she nearly dropped it - her hands made clumsy with fear of bad news.<p>

Then she cued up the message and breathed a soft sigh of relief as she realized the message was from Santana. One eyebrow rose as she read the message, her lips curling in an incredulous smile. She shook her head with a soft chuckle as she flipped the phone up to activate the keypad and type out a reply.

**Santana Lopez, you are not calling my child something as inane as "fishy". Honestly. As for the question, I couldn't possibly take time from my children being able to spend as much time as they can with their father. As to the others, they both sound absolutely wonderful, but I don't understand why you're asking.**

She slid the phone closed and slipped it into her pocket to continue perusing the stacks of music.

* * *

><p>Santana's thigh vibrated as she was half paying attention in a meeting, she slyly slid over the power and saw her text from Rachel. She smiled and decided the young mother deserved both and flitted her fingers over the letters as she punched a reply.<p>

**First, your baby spermling doesn't have a name and I needs to refer it to something other than spermling cuz they makes me picture you and Jesse boning... and just ew. :P Secondly, excellent choices and may I request your presence sometime soon? I'll pay for a babysitter... **

She put her phone back down on her thigh, looking up to see Tobias looking at her longingly. She sighed, it was going to be a long day...

* * *

><p>Rachel was just leaving the music store - she finally decided against buying any music since Jesse's voice had started failing and the idea of trying to share something with him that he was losing just made her depressed - when her phone buzzed in her pocket. For a moment, she tried to remember why the phone was in her pocket then she shook her head with a soft chuckle at her absent-mindedness as she recalled the reason. Pulling the phone out, she couldn't help the soft smile when she discovered she'd received another text from Santana. Quickly reading it, she flipped her phone open to type a reply.<p>

**And you couldn't simply refer to him as "baby"? I'm not a fish bowl, Santana. And could you please avoid imagining my husband and I making love? It made me think of Noah and his disgusting "spank bank" when you said that. Jesse's mom is visiting and she's watching Kayla and Cale for the rest of the day to give me a break away from everything. But Santana, what are you talking about?**

She slid her phone back into her pocket with a confused expression on her face. She didn't know what her friend was up to but she was certainly becoming more curious the longer things went without any explanation. She knew that Santana had come by to visit Jesse a couple of times while the rest of his family wasn't there - he'd mentioned as much anyway - but she didn't know what was going on.

* * *

><p>Santana's plans had worked, she knew Jesse's mom was in town and Kayla's backpack was going to be filled with drawings and decorations for the baby shower she planned tomorrow. She quickly texted out a reply.<p>

**pick you up in 30 minutes.**

She gathered her files and said her thank you's to the advertising department before quickly heading back to her office. She didn't see her husband follow her. "Santana, hot date or something?" He asked, his voice pure jealousy as he crossed his arms and watched her pack up. "Or just a nooner."

"First, I took this day off like three days ago it's cleared with HR. And, not it's not a date. A friend of mine is having a baby and I'm taking her to dinner and a spa for the afternoon, not that it's your business, _Tobias_. Don't think I didn't notice the three grand you spent from our joint account... I mean damn, I didn't even think you were so desperate to use a hooker." She slung her briefcase over her shoulder. "Just tell me, T. You didn't use a dirty whore when we were married, right? I'd hate to have to get tested." She pushed past him.

"I didn't need a dirty whore..." He started, "I married one."

Santana just stopped halfway down the hall. All the insults she used to get hurled at her by Finn and the like in high school flooded her senses. She didn't even have it in her anymore to turn around and hurl an insult back at him she just entered the elevator and headed to her car to find Rachel.

* * *

><p>Rachel stared at her phone in confusion for a moment before tapping out a quick text.<p>

**30 minutes? Santana, do you even know where I am? What is going on? Honestly, you could just tell me. This much stress cannot be good for me at this delicate time...**

She didn't bother putting her phone away this time, just kept it in her hand as she made her way over to a nearby park and a bench to sit on. Sitting down, she gently rubbed her stomach, her baby swimming about as she thought about Santana coming to find her. "Calm down, little one. I know you like her, but she's not here yet," she chuckled softly, amused by how well all of her children were seeming to take to the once far more abrasive Latina.

* * *

><p>Santana's black Bentley town car pulled up in front of Rachel's seat on the bench, "Calm 'yo tits Berry. I'm kidnapping you for the day." She smiled as she got out of her car, her bare tanned legs peaked out of the skirt that rested a bit above her knees. Her four inch heels clicked against the pavement as she walked over and kissed the woman's cheek. "Hey," she smiled as she pulled away before turning her attention to the bump. "iHola, Pececito.i" She smirked.

"Come on, momma, get your butt into my car," she extended her hand for Rachel to get up with.

Rachel's lips twisted in an ironic grin. "You do realize that while Mr Schuster wasn't the best at teaching, I did manage to retain enough to know what that means," she accepted Santana's assistance at regaining her feet - and if she didn't release it immediately, well it had been quite a while since she'd shared an easy intimacy like that, "but at least it doesn't sound quite as immediately absurd, I suppose."

She carefully climbed into the car, "So you're kidnapping me for the day? And how long have you been planning this little excursion?" She shot the Latina a sharp look as the other woman climbed into the car, "Jesse's mother arriving was a bit convenient as was her and my husband's insistence on my heading out for the day... How much of that Idid/I you have a hand in?"

Her tone was more teasing than accusatory. She appreciated the effort Santana was putting into the outing and the elaborate planning appealed to her inner control freak. Of course, that inner control freak also didn't like being kept in the dark, "Where are we going?"

"Mmm." Santana smiled, "evil genius that I am had help from a equally scheming little girl." she leaned back and crossed her legs. "We are going to a vegan spa in Brooklyn to get you all relaxed, then dinner and sleeping at my house if you'd like." Santana kinda hoped that Rachel would come over, she needed a night away and to act like a silly girl and selfishly she wanted to get to know her friend better one on one.

"If that's alright with you, that is." She said giving Rachel a chance to back out. "I read that massages can be really nice when your pregnant," She pushed her hair behind her ear.

"Stay over?" Rachel chewed on her lip nervously, worried about her children, "I don't know... What about Kayla and Cale? I can't just leave them alone, Santana."

She wasn't adverse to the idea of spending one on one time with her friend, but she'd be lying if she said she was completely comfortable being away from her children for so long. Both of them could be a real handful and she didn't want Jesse's mom to get overwhelmed. But more than that, she was nervous. She'd not been away from them for more than a couple of hours at the most since they were born.

The Latina nodded, "Marie said she'd be fine. Kayla said she wanted to be a big girl and give Cale a bath to practice for iPececito/i, with grandma's help of course. Jesse wants you to take a breather before the baby is born. They have all of my numbers, my driver is taking them home and even Cale said it was okay when Jesse told him that he could sleep with Kayla in her bed." Santana had thought long and hard -with Jesse's guidance - about how to convince Rachel to relax.

"But," she said as they drove over the Brooklyn bridge, "I can take you home when your done if you'd prefer..."

Rachel had opened her mouth to protest he idea of Kayla bathing Cale when Santana hastened to clarify that she'd be supervised. Instead, she'd just sat there and listened quietly to all of the points her friend was making. Finally she looked down at her lap with a little smile.

"I suppose you've thought of everything," her voice was soft and she chuckled softly, "I didn't think my own family would be so eager to get rid of me until tomorrow though. I thought at least my boy would protest my absence."

She shrugged slightly, "No, that's okay. You went to all of this trouble. It would be the height of ungratefulness to refuse and I suppose everyone is right," she leaned back with a soft sigh, "I should take time away from everything for a bit. And you've been wonderful enough to offer me a perfect opportunity." she rolled her head to look at her friend with a gentle and open smile.

"Plus, ilos ninos/i needs to prepare for your party tomorrow." Santana winked, "I'm only telling you cuz I'm freaked you'll get surprised and pop the baby out all over the floor and that's nasty." She said as they pulled up to the spa.

Santana checked them in under her name, as the attractive attendant flirted with her. She smirked and slathered on the Lopez charm as they interacted. Santana leaned back and took Rachel's arm as they walked to the back.

"Prepare yourself, Rae. This might be one of the more pleasurable experiences you've ever had." She handed the woman a robe, "Well, I'm more pleasurable, but you seem to be married or something." She teased taking to undressing when the room is empty to just them. She slipped her skirt off and folded it before unbuttoning her blouse. She turned her back to Rachel and took her blouse off and folding it as well. "Change so the fun can start."

She stood with her almost nude back exposed to Rachel, still wearing her black stilettos she went about putting her clothing away and getting ready for the masseuse.

Rachel cleared her throat, toying nervously with they buttons of her shirt, "Um, Santana? Don't you believe you would be more comfortable in a robe?" she asked, nodding towards the stack of complimentary robes in the corner, "Not that you aren't, well, quite attractive and certainly have nothing to be ashamed of about your physical form, but you wouldn't, ah, want anyone getting the wrong ideas about you, correct?"

She didn't know what to think - well, she_ did_ in that it was obviously the pregnancy hormones affecting her, but she normally had Jesse's help with that - except now she didn't and it was clearly affecting her ability to think rationally. She swallowed softly and turned away from her friend to undress herself, carefully stripping down to her underwear. She was well aware that she wasn't as attractive as Santana, especially now with her body swollen with advanced pregnancy as it was. It was only a few more weeks until her due date, and she was refusing her doctor's advice to take bed rest while her children and husband needed her.

Santana turned around, her eyes falling on Rachel. "_Wow_," she breathed out, her eyes wandering from her shoulders, down her bra clad chest to to her swollen belly. She never had seen something so womanly and beautiful. She blushed a bit before grabbing a robe for herself and Rachel.

"You look kinda amazing." Santana whispered, shy to give out complements to the girl. "I mean seriously..." She slid the robe over her own shoulders before holding the second out for Rachel to step into. "So...um I asked the girl to do the awesome Ayervedic pre-natal massage on you and that should be like 75 minutes or something."

Santana had to forcefully break her eyes away from Rachel. iWhat that hell are you doing!/i her inner monologue yelled, ishe's your _married_ friend! Whose husband is _dying_ and needs you to be a _friend_ not someone who's gonna creep on her! Santana removed her shoes and sat down on the far mat.

Rachel didn't look up from the clothes she'd just folded neatly and placed into a cubby as Santana spoke, though she did allow the other woman to help her into a robe. She had a restrain a little shiver that went through her at the feeling of warm fingers brushing the side of her neck as Santana unfolded the collar from where it had slipped inside out. She steadied her breathing with a conscious effort - placing a hand on her belly to make it seem like it had to do with her active little boy, who did have a part in it after all - and raised her eyes to smile shyly at Santana.

"I'm afraid I don't even know what that is," she admitted, catching her lower lip between her teeth, "are... I mean, will you be there?". Realizing how silly that probably sounded and not wanting to admit that she was nervous being alone around strangers in such a vulnerable state, she quickly tried to recant her words, "I'm sorry, of course you have your own things you'd rather do than that..."

"Yep. I'z be getting rubbed down myself." she winked as she smiled softly, "Maya is amazing..." She helped Rachel onto the table. "I.. a friend of mine told me that getting a massage when pregnant feels really good. Plus, it's good for circulation and stuff." she shrugged, knowing a little too much about pregnancy. "It will be really good and I'll be here okay?"

Maya and another girl came into the room. Maya explained what she'd be doing and told Rachel that she could stop or take a break whenever she wanted.

Rachel nodded hesitantly, still nervous but comforted by Santana being just across the room where she could still see her. She turned her head to watch her friend as Maya began working on her, wondering about the changes in her since high school and just thinking about how nice it was to have a friend right now. How much it helped her feel less like she was drowning in everything that was happening.

She hadn't realized how exhausted she was until the gentle warmth suffusing her person at the massage started making her drowsy. Santana's face, relaxed and happy at the massage, was the last thing she saw before her eyes slid closed, the last thought on her mind before she slipped into sleep. It was the first time in months that Jesse hadn't been on her mind before she fell asleep, but in that moment she was so relaxed that she didn't feel guilty.


	8. Chapter 8: Talks

**Chapter Eight**

The town car pulled up to a old brownstone in Brooklyn after Rachel and Santana finished dinner. They were thoroughly relaxed and ready to just barricade themselves in the darker woman's apartment for the rest of the night. Santana unlocked the door and waved her driver off as she ushered Rachel into her house.

It was modestly decorated with sleek blacks and grey's. A few photos littered her walls and shelves, candles and her wedding picture sat on her side table. It showed Santana in a simple white halter dress with her hair hanging long with two braids gathering the back with flowers in it. She looked happy. She was in Tobias's arms looking up at him adoringly.

"I think that I have some wine." Santana offered, "I read that you can have some wine in your third trimester?" she said as she took Rachel's purse and her jacket.

"Some," Rachel agreed, with a nod as she looked around, "in moderation of course, no more than a glass or two though." She glanced up with a smile, "luckily I'm not the sort of person who indulges frequently."

She grinned, her nose wrinkling slightly with the broadness of it as she made her way over to the side table. Picking up the photo, she traced the smiling face of the girl in the picture with a soft smile, "You look very happy here. Do you miss him?" She asked absentmindedly, not realizing what she'd asked until after the words left her mouth, "Oh! I'm sorry for overstepping, Santana. Of course you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I'm so sorry. I have an awful habit of letting my mouth get me into difficult situations as you probably recall from high school." She let her words trail off, a soft blush on her features as she carefully replaced the photo on the table.

Santana shrugged as she made her way into the kitchen, "It's hard to miss someone you see every day of your life." She explained as she poured Rachel a glass of wine and herself a gin and tonic. She rolled her neck, before coming back into the room. "I see Tobias at work and he still does everything like he did for eight years.. it's hard to miss him when he's still in my life." She looked down at the photo. "I was happy. I was _young _but I was happy."

She slid off her shoes, "Stay here for a moment, I'm going to go change." She walked into her room slipping into shorts running short and a t-shirt before returning to Rachel. "We got married when I was 19 and he was almost 40." she shook her head and took a long sip her eyes still lingering on the photo.

Rachel couldn't help but stare a bit incredulously at her friend. "That, forgive me, but that seems an awfully large gap in experiences. I can't imagine being with someone that much older than me. I mean, what would you discuss? Forgive me, Santana, I have no right to say such things about your marriage." She sighed softly, taking a sip of her wine and carefully sitting down on the sofa, "You were obviously happy and that's all that matters."

"Honestly? We talked about music. It's both of our passions and it's the only thing we're good at. He was already getting big in London music scene when we met and I became the pretty trophy wife. He was good to me and it worked for awhile. I never had really felt wanted like that, so you know I just felt like he'd take care of me..." She sighed, realizing how pathetic she sounded as she talked. She was such a mess when they got married, so needy and so willing to do anything to be loved. "I liked being wanted." She shrugged, taking a sip of her drink and looking down at the ice.

Rachel frowned, not much liking the idea of her friend feeling unwanted. She moved closer a bit awkwardly and placed her hand on the Latina's knee. "Santana, you are wanted." She spoke quietly but sincerely, "I know it's not the same as a marriage or," she swallowed softly, hoping her hesitation would be taken for remembering her dying husband rather than the incredibly awkward hormonal response she was having towards the other woman, "a lover, but you have become a very important part of my life. My children adore you and even Jesse smiles when you're mentioned lately."

She offered her friend a soft smile, gently squeezing her knee, "I don't know how I would make it through this without your friendship. Sometimes I find myself wondering if God knew how hard this would be for me and sent you to help with how conveniently you appeared in my life as things were starting to get to be too much. You were like this incredibly attractive guardian angel swooping down in the nick of time." She winked at Santana, trying to tease her into a better mood.

Santana look up with a sly grin. "Like that time you dressed me like a angel for your video?" She winked as she finished her drink and leaned back. "I'm glad I can help, if I can help your family.. I'm happy. I don't have a lot in my life lately so I think that you may have saved me from falling back into a relationship of convienience." She shrugged. "I'm really glad your kid whacked into me a few weeks back."

She turned her head and watched Rachel, "Tell me about the last ten years? When did you decide you wanted to have kids? How was your wedding? All that girly shit?"

"My wedding?" Rachel chuckled softly remembering, "Well, as you can probably guess since you knew me in high school, I didn't have many friends and well, Jesse is very similar to me in that regard, so it was a small ceremony with only family and a couple of friends. I was gratified when he told me he wanted a Jewish ceremony, since I know his family is much looser with their religious heritage than my own. It was very sweet of him," she smiled wistfully remembering, "and the ceremony and reception were everything I could have hoped for. We spent our honeymoon in Europe thanks to his parents giving us the trip as a wedding gift."

"As for the children, well, it wasn't exactly something_ decided_ so much as something that simply _happened_." She chuckled a bit ruefully as she rubbed her stomach, "I'm afraid I was terribly naive about the details of things though I suppose I should have taken the lesson provided by Quinn in our sophomore year to heart." She shook her head as she spoke, recalling Jesse's blithe assurance that married couples didn't need protection, especially since they both had a clean bill of health.

"They might not have been planned," Rachel smiled softly as her friend, "but I don't regret any of it. They're the best things in my life."

Santana nodded, "Sounds really romantic, Rach, If I'd known you were in Europe you could have stayed with us..." she smiled stretching her long legs out onto the coffee table. "I'm kinda surprised you married him.. I mean after the high school stuff... I guess people change. I know I have and so have you."

"Your babies are amazing. You're an amazing mom." She smiled, "I'm so glad to get to know them... So, what else? I feel like we don't know each other very well."

Rachel chuckled, taking another sip of her wine. "Honestly, Santana, have we ever known each other well? I believe most our interactions previous to this were based more in mistaken beliefs about each other gleaned from gossip more than fact."

She set the glass on a coaster on the table and scooted until she was facing Santana more directly, "Something I have been intending to do since we began this friendship is apologize how I behaved towards you in high school." Her lips quirked in an ironic smile as she patted Santana's knee, "Yes, I'm quite aware of how you behaved in high school but that was no excuse for some of the things I said to you or about you. It was wrong and I hope none of my children ever behave so pettily towards a teammate when they enter school."

She shrugged, "I wasn't a peach either. Something about sleeping with your boyfriend and ordering slushy facials... but yeah. I'm sorry too. It was dumb and stuff." She sighed, and got up to make herself another drink. "So did you really wait til you were 25 to have sex? Or did you give it up to Jesse before you got married?" Santana asked, as she came back into the room. "I'd hate to have you're first sex result in pregnancy, though it would be interesting..." she plopped down next to Rachel, a little closer then she intended too. "Though, you are a very nice looking pregnant lady..."

Rachel chuckled softly, "I don't know if it was the first time, but Kayla was definitely conceived on our honeymoon. And with how busy everything was in college, it was just easier to wait. Jesse was so sweet about it too," she explained, unconsciously leaning against Santana for comfort as she discussed the happier times with her husband - times she knew they'd never have again.

"Did you know he promised to wait until I was ready when we were together in high school? Awful as that particular stage of our relationship ended, he never broke that promise to me. I should have known he would be the one as soon as I realized he'd kept a silly promise made to a naive teen-aged girl."

She smiled in remembrance, "I knew he'd changed when he came back to McKinley after failing from UCLA. He was different, softer and more caring. And he apologized for the eggs as a stupid and misguided act. I was just still so caught up in hoping for Finn that I let everything get terribly out of hand."

She nodded, wrapping an arm around Rachel's shoulders and holding her. "I hear that. I spend two years misguided and bouncing from promise to promise from people." She thought about the drama with Brittany and her reluctance to accept herself and how much trouble that caused her. "You're little one was conceived out of so much love. I'm envious of that. She's an amazing little one." Santana smiled, and kissed Rachel's temple. "I'm glad you had Jesse. He loves you..." She didn't want to make this sad, or make Rachel feel guilty for being with her tonight and not her dying husband.

"I think that this is fate, Rachel." Santana said softly, "You needed someone and I needed someone and we found each other? After all this time? Fate." She smiled and giggled softly when she felt the baby kick against her abs. "Well hello, _Pecelito_."

"I'm sorry," Rachel smiled awkwardly, trying to avoid sharing the mild discomfort of her little boy's active kicking, "I told you all my children adored you, didn't I?" she laughed softly, then sat quiet for a moment in thought before she spoke again.

"Speaking of this little one," she worried at her lip as she rubbed her belly to calm her child, "would you consider - and you can entirely say no if you want, I understand I'm asking a lot - but would you consider being there? In the room, I mean, when he's born. Jesse won't be able to - it'll be the first of his children that he'll miss the birth of - but it would mean a lot to me if you were there." She blinked back tears at admitting her husband wouldn't see their son born, "I just... I could use a friend there. I've never been completely alone during a birth and I'm, well, a little afraid to be honest."

Santana froze, she didn't know what she should say, "uh... y-yeah..." She couldn't abandon her friend because she had issues with the idea of it. She couldn't turn her back on the girl whose husband was dying. She couldn't do that because she was scared. "I-I can d-do that. W-we can record it and show him later?" She said hopefully, knowing Jesse wouldn't be alive in a few weeks.

She looked down into her glass, Santana loved kids, she loved them but the thought of birth made her uneasy. She tried to play it off as just awkwardness instead of the truth about her feelings. "I... I can be there..."

"Santana," Rachel's voice was soft as she took her friend's hand and squeezed gently, " if... If the idea bothers you, you don't have to be in the room. Just be there? In the hospital? It will be easier for me if I knew there is someone waiting to come see me after it's over at least. My dads can't afford to make the trip and Jesse's parents are exceedingly awkward during births. Besides, they'll be watching Kayla and Cale."

She smiled hopefully, "I know birth isn't for everyone, but it really would mean a lot to me even if you're just in the waiting room. Plus," she smiled shyly, "I would sort of like you to be the first one to hold him who isn't me or a medical professional since Jesse can't be there..."

Santana blinked the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "I'd like that too." She whispered, trying to wipe her eyes and hide the fact she was upset. "You're my friend, of course, I'd be there. Okay?" She replied, her voice wavering in slight emotion as she spoke. Santana knew she was starting to openly weep, she couldn't hide it she never really dealt with the reason behind her sudden display of emotion.

"I'm sorry," she choked out, "this isn't you or anything you said." She whispered, frantically trying to pull herself together.

"Santana," Rachel whispered, her voice laced with caring and worry for her friend, "what's wrong?" She slipped an arm around her friend's waist and tugged her close, "And please don't say nothing because it is very obvious something is. You've been here and listened to me, let me return the favor and talk to me, please. I just want to help..."

"I...I'm sorry." She whispered, resting her head on Rachel's shoulder, crying getting a bit worse when the baby kicked her again. "I... You don't need this right now.. It's nothing. It's stupid..."

"If it has you this upset, then it is certainly not nothing. Please, just tell me what's wrong, Santana." Rachel hugged her friend, "I hate seeing you in so much pain. Please tell me..."

"I... I had a miscarrage." She whispered.

Rachel froze. She couldn't even _imagine_ losing one of her children like that. But after a moment, she shook it off and hugged Santana close. Her friend needed her understanding and she refused to deny it to her simply because it shocked her.

"Oh my gosh, Santana, I... I had no idea. I'm so sorry. So sorry," she knew her words weren't enough but they were all she had to give beyond the physical comfort of her arms, "I can't even imagine how difficult that must be to go through. I... If you need to stay away, I'll understand. You need to be comfortable too. Don't worry about me. You'll meet him when you're ready. It's okay."

Hearing Rachel's remorse sobered her up a bit and she just held her friend closer. "It's fine... I'm sorry I normally don't freak out about it.' She said, "It was a long time ago and Tobias and I never really talked about it after it happened." She sighed onto Rachel's neck, her hand going to rest on Rachel's stomach. "I want to meet him, I want to hold him when he comes into the world. My past and my child was not his fault and he deserves the biggest day and so do you." She smiled sadly, "I just need a good cry about it sometimes."

Santana stood up pulling Rachel to her feel and taking her hand to the bedroom. She grabbed Rachel sweat pants and a nightshirt to sleep in. "Lets get our cuddle on." She smiled and plopped on her very large bed.

Rachel followed Santana into the other room, thinking about this new information as she accepted the clothes and went into the bathroom to change. She came out a few minutes later, the shirt stretching slightly over her swollen belly. "I apologize for the shirt. I'll replace it if it stretches out too badly." She hesitated a moment before awkwardly crawling into the bed, sighing softly at the softness and finally getting off her feet for real as she relaxed into it. "Oh my gosh, this is so comfortable, Santana. If I were Christian I might have to consider this bed by itself a sin."

She glanced over at Santana with a slight grin and a wink to show she was teasing, but the smile faded into a soft and caring one as she reached out to touch Santana's arm. "You know you can talk to me, right? About anything that's bothering you. I promise. You've been so wonderful as a stable rock in the river of my life that I can cling to, so allow me to return the favor."

She smiled and curled up behind Rachel and spooned her, "I know... I was really young so it's just something that comes up in my head. I carried her until 6 months..." she said quietly as she spoke into Rachel's neck. "I wasn't strong enough to carry her and she died and they had to take her out... Tobias wouldn't come in with me so you saying you didn't wanna be alone reminded me of how scared I was..." She said, "I'll be there for you.."

"Oh Santana, don't think it was your fault," Rachel hugged her arms, tugging her a bit closer, "it just... happens sometime. It wasn't that you were too weak or not a good enough mother. I've seen you with my children, after all, and just from that I believe you would be a wonderful mother."

She sighed softly and turned her head to press a reassuring kiss to her friend's head, "I wish I had been your friend then. Because I would have been with you. No one should experience something so tragic alone, Santana, and I am so sorry you had to."

"Thanks..." she snuggled into Rachel, resting her hands on the girls hipbones. "I wish you were there too," She whispered, trying to ignore the feelings that were brewing being this close to Rachel. That familiar tingle, that increase of heartbeat, she tried to ignore it as she held her friend. "It's okay," she said softly, "I can dote on your babies and that makes everything better."

Rachel chuckled softly, "Well, if it makes you feel better, who am I to turn down your desire to dote upon my children? Besides, they'll need all the love and affection they can get after," she stopped suddenly, unable to bring herself to say _after their father dies_.

It wasn't that she hadn't come to terms that it was happening, but that she had reached a stage where she was afraid if she said it out loud, it would make it that much more real. Make it happen that much sooner. "You know," she shrugged, finishing lamely, "after."

Santana pressed a soft kiss to the nape of Rachel's neck, telling herself that it was the only convenient spot to comfort her and it wasn't intimate at all. "I know... I'll be here.. for you and them. I promise." Santana whispered as she pulled the covers over them, "I'll be here to help."

"Thank you, Santana," Rachel whispered, starting to drift off again, despite the brief shiver that had passed through her at the gentle kiss to her neck - Idamn hormones/I she muttered in the privacy of her mind as she forced down the feelings curling in the pit of her stomach, "it means a lot to me to be able to depend on you like that. I don't know how I'll ever," she yawned, "be able to properly repay you for everything..."

"Anything you need..." Santana whispered, the emotion and alcohol in her body producing an underlying tone. "Anything... I'll do it happily." she was drifting off, happily holding a female form causing her brain to slow its response time.

"Just be," Rachel yawned again, warm and feeling almost as safe as she did in her husband's arms, "be you. That's enough for me."

It had been so long since someone had just held her. So long since she'd had a night where it wasn't tears or sheer exhaustion ushering her to sleep. She snuggled back against the woman holding her, not caring that she was in such an intimate position with another woman, but just accepting the comfort offered in the embrace. "You're my best friend, Santana..." It was the last thing she whispered before succumbing to sleep, safe and comfortable in Santana's arms.


	9. Chapter 9: BabyShower

**(A/N: Thank you so much for reviewing and reading. This portion of the story will have 30 chapters, I'm going to start posting twice a week now that we've finished. Also, there is a sequel in the works :) )**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

After a relaxing and restful night, Santana woke up early and prepared breakfast for Rachel who was still asleep in her bed. She called Jesse's mom and checked that the baby shower would be a go for when she brought Rachel to Jesse's hospital room later. She loaded a tray up with fruit, oatmeal and apple juice and brought it into her bedroom.

"Rachel?" She whispered, as she placed the tray on the side of the bed. She leaded over and pushed some hair out of the girl's face with a soft smile. She admired how relaxed and peaceful Rachel looked at that moment. How she softened to look like she was 16 again. Santana stroked her cheek for a second before realizing what she was doing. She quickly pulled away and cleared her throat.

Rachel opened her eyes with a sleepy, relaxed smile and looking more rested than she had in weeks. "Mmm, hello, Santana."

She pushed herself upright with a bit of effort, one hand resting on her stomach. When she felt the little one in her belly kick, she smiled and reached out for Santana's hand, placing it on her stomach just in time to catch another kick. She chuckled at the shocked expression on Santana's face, "He wanted to say good morning to his Aunt Santana. Didn't you, little one?" Another kick thumped against Santana's palm as if in confirmation of his mother's words.

"Oh," she whispered a moment later as their conversation from last night came back. "I'm... I'm sorry," she swallowed softly, letting going of Santana's hand, "I didn't mean to push you like that Santana..."

The Latina let her fingers linger on Rachel's bump. "It's nice to feel him... Alejandra wasn't active... Probably should have known." she said quietly, as she leaned to be eye level with the bump. "Good morning, little one. Did you let mommy sleep?" she asked, smiling when she felt him move. "Active," she pressed a light kiss to where she felt him, "that kid is gonna have me wrapped around his finger." She shook her head backing away.

"I brought you breakfast so we can get ready to go." Santana smiled.

"Alejandra?" Rachel smiled tentatively, both at the soft intimacy of the kiss on her stomach and hesitation about continuing to discuss an obviously painful subject with the Latina, "That's a beautiful name. Perhaps you could help come up with a name for this little one? I'm afraid Jesse and I have been rather remiss... with everything going on that is."

She reached for the tray of food, selecting a slice of fruit to nibble on. "So what are the plans for today? If you want it to be a surprise," she smiled around the fruit, "I promise to act very surprised. I do like to think I'm still a fairly good actor after all."

Santana smiled, "Telling you would ruin the surprise!" she joked as she grabbed her coffee and took a swig. "Kayla and Cale are meeting us at the hospital with Jesse's mom," she hoped it would all go well - Jesse assured her he was up to it, "so eat up and we can get ready!"

Rachel brightened almost visibly at the idea of sharing the celebration of her child's impending birth with her husband. She could see how Jesse was fading - it seemed to go a little faster with every passing day. She couldn't ignore it any longer and she was slowly coming to terms with the fact that he likely would not get the chance to hold his son or even see him. So this chance to include him in this premature welcoming of his youngest child into the world lifted her low spirits at the thought of his impending passing.

"It's occurring in Jesse's room?" Her smile brightened to the excitedly gleeful grin from her high school years as she clapped excitedly, almost bouncing on the bed. "He gets to see? To be there?" She couldn't help but lunge forward - fairly awkwardly - and wrap her arms around Santana's neck, hugging her tightly. "Oh Santana thank you, _thank _you so much! You have no idea how important it is for me that he's going to be there." She was delighted and feeling joyful for the moment and didn't even think anything of turning her head and kissing Santana's cheek, "Oh thank you so much. You are _perfect!_"

Santana hugged back, "He's excited too." She smiled at her friend. She didn't want to tell Rachel that she tried to get Julian home for the day with a response from the doctor of impending doom. "I told you I'm here to help and J and K planned it, I just was the lackey." She lied - Jesse wasn't coherent when they last spoke, "So I'm gonna shower. You eat."

Santana went to shower quickly grabbing a dark green tank top and black jeans. She curled her hair lightly, leaving it down her back. She put on a bit of make up on and headed out to Rachel. She smiled seeing she ate everything and picked out a towel set for the young mother. "All yours."

Rachel knew it was unlikely her husband had anything to do with the actual planning and her daughter - while she was sure she_ had_ helped - probably didn't plan everything all by her five year old self, "Santana Lopez, you are an entirely wonderful woman and an amazing friend. Never let anyone tell you different." She hugged her as she made her way into the bathroom, inhaling the intriguing scent of her friend, "I love this scent on you. It's sweet, but a little spicy. It suits you very well. Is it a perfume? I can't say I recognize it."

Not really waiting for an answer, she headed into the bathroom, picking up her bag as she went. For once she was grateful for the habit of always having a change of clothes on her that she'd developed in high school. Coming out a bit later, dressed in a pair of maternity jeans and a peasant style blouse with a floral design around the neckline she smiled at her host, " So are we ready?"

Santana got dressed as she listened to Rachel. "Probably a mix between Irish spring soap and the lotion I use." she shrugged, sliding Rachel's present into her bag while the other woman was in the shower. She smiled at the girl when she returned, "Yep, lemme make coffee for the road." She poured a black cup into her travel mug. "Tea? hot cocoa? Anything?" she offered as she screwed on the cap. "Should we bring something for the little ones?" She asked as she rummaged through her pantry. "Actually, I don't think I have anything..."

Rachel chuckled softly, "I'm fine and I assure you that your presence will be more than sufficient for the little ones. I'm quite certain that Maria will see that they have eaten breakfast by the time that we arrive."

* * *

><p>Rachel walked through the door of the hospital room to gleeful cries of "Mama! Mama!" as her two little ones ran to her to hug her tight. She laughed, dropping a bit awkwardly to her knees to hug them back. "Hello, my precious stars, did you miss me?"<p>

"We did!" Kayla affirmed, planting a wet kiss on her mother's cheek, "Did you have fun with Santi stealin' you? Stealin's bad, but Santi said it's okay for friends to steal each other?"

"That's right, little star," Rachel gently kissed the top of her daughter's head before letting her go to go to give her greeting hug to Santana, "Stealing is bad, but it's not really stealing for a friend to take you away to relax for a while." Kayla ran off and Cale took the opportunity to snuggle closer to his mom, "And how are you, little man?"

"I good." He mumbled past the finger in his mouth, head nestled in the crook of his mother's shoulder.

Santana watched as the kids attacked their mom, she smiled. Looking around there were child made decorations and small presents hastily wrapped. She smiled, it was perfect. Kayla ran into her arms and Santana hoisted her up on her hip. "Hey partner. The decorations look amazing you and Cale did an amazing job!" She kissed her temple. "Was he okay last night? Did you help grandma?" she asked quietly, hoping that he was okay without his mom for the first time.

Kayla nodded, whispering in a manner more suited for a stage than the small room they were in, "He was lots good, Santi. I helped gramma lots and lots. We made brownie cookies too!" She grinned proudly, leaning back a bit in Santana's arms - blithely trusting the woman to keep hold of her - so she could clap her hands. She leaned closer, whispering just a little softer, "I think Daddy's sad though."

Jesse watched everything going on around him with a quiet smile. His eyes didn't quite focus any more - every day he looked more like he was looking past the people talking to him to something beyond that they couldn't see - but he seemed aware of what was happening. His smile brightened slightly as Rachel leaned down with Cale in her arms to gently kiss him and he whispered softly, his powerful singing voice withered away to a fading husk of its former glory in the last couple weeks. "Hey, beautiful girl."

"Hi, love." Rachel caressed his cheek with a smile, sitting awkwardly on the side of the bed. Cale sat on her lap holding his daddy's hand in both of his - the children had been asked to stay off the bed when he started developing an unsteady twitch in his left arm that nearly knocked Kayla off the bed. Jesse's skin was cool under her fingers, his lips dry, but she knew he wouldn't drink. She set Cale down, asking him to go to his grandma, who sat in the corner of the room watching quietly.

Picking up the lip balm beside the still unopened CD that Santana had given him before their dinner together, she gently soothed it over his lips. He blinked at her confusedly for a moment, before he managed to focus and smile at her. "I'm here, Jesse, with Santana, Cale, Kayla and your mom, okay?" He nodded quietly, not really able to get up the energy to speak to answer her, though his hand twitched to hers and squeezed gently.

Santana watched out of the corner of her eye, trying as hard as she could to not be phased by the withering parent of the girl in her arms. She pressed her forehead to Kayla's. "I'm glad he was _very_ good," She corrected Kayla, "You're such a good big sister." She held her more closely.

"You ready to make sure Mommy has a good day? I know that Daddy's sleepy so it's gonna be quiet, but we're still gonna make her day special okay?" Kayla nodded and Santana put her down so she could go and quietly talk to Jesse's mom who had the gifts Santana bought for Rachel and all three kids.

Rachel smiled as brightly as she could and pulled his hand to rest on her stomach, the baby inside thumping at the wall, "That's your son, Jesse. Your baby boy."

He swallowed a couple of times and she had to slip a little bit of water into his mouth before he could speak, "Strong..." He smiled, looking past her, "see, grandfather? My sons are... strong. I didn't weaken anything being on stage..."

In the corner, Maria covered her mouth, barely muffling a sob as she listened to her son talk to her deceased father as if he was standing beside the bed. The old man had never approved of Jesse's aspirations to the stage, always claiming that acting was a "sissy" profession and that it would dilute the bloodline. That argument, where Jesse's grandfather had found out about his intention of being on Broadway, had been volatile and the last time the two men had spoken in the older man's lifetime.

Jesse struggled to remain focused on Rachel as she gently rubbed lotion into his frail arms, but he was weak with the effort of clinging to life and he soon lost the struggle, slipping into a restless slumber. Rachel's breath caught in her throat when he let out a long exhale and didn't take another one for what seemed like eternity to the young mother. When he finally did, she sighed in relief, turning to smile at the others in the room.

"Well, I believe that one guest of honor will be present but sleeping for much of this celebration, but that is to be expected." She stood and made her way carefully to where Cale had somehow gravitated to Santana, clinging to her pant-leg, and smiled at both of her children, "Daddy's really sleepy now, so we need to be quiet, okay?"

Santana ran her fingers through Cale's hair, she watched as Kayla moved closer to Rachel and she leaned down and kneeled next to the small boy. "Hi Batman." She whispered, "I know it's scary but I need you to help me be strong for mommy and Kayla okay? If you want to go and get some air just find me and we can okay." She whispered looking into his hazel eyes. He nodded slowly watching her back as if he was sizing her up. Santana exhaled and nodded back before looking up to Rachel and squeezing her hand.

"So, a quiet party. We can do that." She said, "The kiddo's have some presents for you, Rach." She smiled, keeping her hand on Cale's shoulder.

"Do you?" She spoke softly, to not disturb Jesse's rest, but smiled warmly at the two little ones who nodded with varying levels of enthusiasm. Cale seemed determined to hold onto to Santana with one arm wrapped around her leg at about knee level and a finger in the corner of his mouth, but Kayla all but ran over and threw her arms around her mom.

"I made it all by myself, Mama!" The little girl spoke in an excited whisper, which was more around what the adults in the room would call a normal speaking voice, but no one moved to shush her. "And I helped Caley with his present for you too! Gramma only helped a little cause she was making dindin, but Santi helped yesterday too!"

Santana smiled and motioned for Rachel to sit down in the chair near to her. "they did it I supervised." she smiled, the kids had made cards to go along with some tye dyed onsies and blankets. Cale nodded and handed her the box he picked out with a robin onsie for his little brother.

"I batman. He robin." he smiled as he looked at his mom.

Rachel smiled and tousled her son's hair, "Of course, you are. My very own dynamic duo. I feel safer from supervillians already." She glanced over Cale's head she she awkwardly leaned down to hug him to smile warmly at Santana. "Thank you, Santana, for everything. And thank _you_, Cale and Kayla, for being such good older siblings already! This little one is going to be so happy to meet you when he finally comes out to say hi to everyone."

Kayla climbed up into her mother's lap being as careful as she could for a five year old girl, "Mama? Do you think Daddy will be happy to meet the baby? Like he was with Caley?" Her eyes and smile were so innocent that Rachel didn't have the heart to shatter it yet.

"Yes, little star, I think your daddy is going to be the happiest man ever to meet your youngest brother." She kissed the little girl's forehead and hugged her, smiling brightly while her eyes hid the pain of realizing that Jesse would never get the chance to meet the youngest member of their family. "I bet he'll not want to let go of him for a second once he meets him, he'll be so happy."

Santana watched sadly as the family talked, she looked over to Jesse's mom and sighed. "Can I get anyone anything? I mean, we weren't allowed to bring in food... but I can go get some somthing from the cafe... or go out and grab something.. coffee? anything?" She asked feeling useless and needing to do something to distract from the situation.

The older woman got up and came over an gave Santana a hug, looking much older than her 50 odd years right then, "Santana, dear, it's okay," she whispered in the Latina's ear, "being here for them is amazing enough. You don't have to do anything more. And besides," she pulled back and smiled warmly down at the little boy still clinging to Santana's leg, his head resting on the side of her thigh as he sucked on a finger and watched the rest of his family quietly, "I believe someone is depending on you right now."

Santana nodded and hugged the woman back, feeling bad that the woman was comforting her in this moment. She pulled away and hoisted Cale up so he could hug her neck. She ran her fingers though his head as it rested over her heart. She watched Rachel as she talked with Kayla, whom Santana noticed more and more every time she saw her was a miniature Rachel. She slowly rocked Cale as she stroked his head, her eyes falling on the children's father.

The only way you'd know he was with them was the subtle beeping of the monitors next to him. She raked her eyes over him. He looked no more than 90 lbs, he had a wool hat over his bald head. His lips were beginning to turn blue with the loss of blood circulating in his body. He shivered through the blankets and sweaters over his body. Santana remembered her mother in a similar situation and she just turned her focus to the little boy. She cuddled him as best as she could.

Maria moved to stand by Jesse and gently stroke her fingers over the wool cap covering his head, just quietly observing with the wistful sadness of a parent losing her child. Cale hugged Santana's neck tightly, but didn't otherwise speak, just burrowing his face against her chest as if he was afraid that if he looked everything would go away. Rachel glanced up from where Kayla was describing in great detail the effort she'd put into making the crayon and glitter card in her mother's hands and smiled warmly at the sight of her friend comforting her son. It gave her hope that things could be okay once Jesse were gone if Santana were just there somehow.

"Can go away?" Cale mumbled against Santana's shirt, his tiny fists holding onto it for dear life, "Everyone sad here. I don' like."

"Of course buddy." She whispered back. She held him tightly and looked over to Rachel. "Hey Rae?" when Rachel looked up Santana gave her a sad smile. "Cale needs to use the washroom, I'm gonna take him okay?"

Rachel nodded, an understanding smile that sometimes her boy needed a bit more than her and grateful that Santana was offering to help him out for this once at least. "Let me know if you need anything, but he's a good boy. You behave for Santana, Cale, okay?" He nodded, giving his mom a little wave as they headed out of the room.

* * *

><p>Santana took him outside and carried him out to the courtyard. They sat on a bench with Cale facing Santana seated on her legs. "It's scary in here, huh?" She asked him, playing with his tiny fingers.<p>

He nodded, barely looking at her, but leaning into her, "Uh-huh. Mama's sad always and Daddy don' play like before. I don' like." His dark brown eyes darted up to glance worriedly at Santana, "I jus' want my daddy to sing again, Santa. He don' sing now..."

"I know you do, Cale." She said, keeping their hands connected. "Your daddy's very sick... He's tired a lot. You're such a big boy, you are such a big help to your mom and Kayla. Your daddy loves you so much and he wants to play but he can't." She said softly, "It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Sometimes... sometimes daddies don't stay with us forever..." She didn't want to scare the boy but he needed to know. "Do you understand?"

Cale looked confused, but nodded, "You mean, he gots to go away? I don' like it when he goes away." He blinked, looking down and playing with her hands, "I don' want Mama be sad..."

Santana kissed his head, "Sweetie? Did your mom ever tell you about angels? About heaven? Sometimes what's where people we love go. Momma will be sad for awhile, but she loves your dad and she loves you and your little brother and sister so much that even though she misses she'll be okay." Santana pushed his shaggy hair back, "I promise you that even though it hurts... it wont always."

"I dun known heaven. Is a good place? I don' want Daddy in a bad place." He sniffled, but remembered he was a big boy and didn't cry, "I don' like when Mama cry. You make not cry?" He looked up at Santana with big brown eyes bright with unshed tears, hoping a childish hope that this adult could make things better and take the hurt away.

"You can cry if you want, baby." She said kissing his eyelids, "I'm as tough as they come and I cry." She joked quietly, "_Heaven _ is where all the mommies and daddies go sometimes, it's a very good place and he wont be tired or hurting anymore. I promise." She said, Cale looked at her like he didn't believe her. "I don't promise unless I mean it okay?" She whispered as she stroked his hair.

When Cale asked her to make Rachel stop crying her heart stopped a little bit. "I will do everything I can to make her happy okay? To make you can Kayla and the baby happy. I promised your daddy I would so I gots to right?"

Cale nodded, trusting with a baby's innocence that Santana could make it better. He leaned forward with a jerk, wrapping chubby toddler arms around her waist as far as he could reach and pressing his face into her shirt with a noisy sob. He grabbed fistfuls of her shirt and just hung on as he bawled. "Don' want Daddy go 'way, Santa!"

the Latina wrapped her arms around him, soothing him as they rocked him back and forth. "I know _hijo_ I know." she cooed, "it sucks so much. It's not fair but sometimes things happen we can't control. All we do is tell daddy we love him, that we live him and will miss him so much but we will take care of mommy and Kayla okay?" she whispered to the boy.

"will you be strong with me? And if you wanna cry you can come cry with me?" she asked, knowing the stress it would put on Rachel seeing her little one cry.

Cale nodded into her shirt as he hiccupped trying to stop crying so much, "I big boy, Santa. Big boys don' cry? Got take care Mama an Kay. Help?"

His words had been muffled against her shirt, but he turned his tear-stained, chubby little face up to her, big brown eyes shining with the full measure of pain that only a child could fully feel without wanting to curl into a ball and just die. His lower lip still quivered but as she watched he sniffed mightily, pulling back the line of mucus crawling over his upper lip. "I big boy, Santa."

"I know," She smiled, grabbing one of the tissues she had stuffed into her pocket just in case and wiping his face. "You are such a big boy, you're so good and amazing for your mommy and daddy." She kissed his forehead. "But, my little man. You can cry even though you're a big boy. It's not true when people say that. I'm a big girl and I cry, my brother's a big boy and he cries." she smiled booping his nose. "You can cry to me, I won't tell anyone." She held the tissue back up. "Blow."

Cale made a face before blowing his nose and stopping the near faucet like conditions that had been occuring. "'Tank you." He said quietly, rubbing his eyes with tiny fists.

He scooted closer, snuggling into the woman, "I gon miss Daddy, Santa," his little voice sounded sad, "Daddy watched Ba'man wit me an read pictur books with voices an sound fects an all. Mama doesn't like Ba'man as much." His words were mumbled around the finger in his mouth.

She chucked as she cuddled him. "I have something to confess to you, Caleb. I might own every Batman movie, television show and cartoon... like ever." she whispered just so he could hear like it was their secret. "See my big brother, he loved Batman and he got me to love Batman... now that you love Batman too... we're quite the match." She winked as she played with his fingers. "Maybeeee someday you can watch them with me?"

Cale's eyes got big and brighter with a lot more than tears just then. "Really?" he breathed, his finger falling from his mouth as a big smile slowly wreathed his lips, "I _loves_ Batman, Santa! He's big an nots afraid of nothing an the baddies are all scared uh Ihim/I. He's my _fav'it_, Santa. My fav'it fav'it."

Suddenly, Santana found herself with an armful of happy, wiggly two year old standing in her lap and peppering her face with vaguely sticky little boy kisses. Finally, holding onto her cheeks with both hands, he leaned back and grinned his baby grin. "You my fav'it, Santa."

"You're my favoriute big boy." She smiled, moving her hands to do the same with his cheeks. She mirrored his glance and kissed his nose. "So we have a deal? You and I are partners okay? We can be sad and cry together and I'm always here for you anytime you want." She smiled when he nodded. "Alright you, I'm glad we had this meeting." She said very serious and buisness like.

He made his face very stern and serious in imitation of his new hero and nodded slowly. "Ver' glad. Partners." Suddenly his eyes went wide again. "You _Orecall_, Santa!"

Santana gigged at his face. "Shush! Don't tell everyone!" she joked looking around quickly, pretending that J just gave up her secret identity. "Phew. Looks like no one heard." She kissed his head and picked him up. "Lets go have cake with mommy okay?"

At the thought of getting cake, Cale brightened again and put his arms up so Santana could pick him back up while he nodded, "Like cake, Santa!" He wrapped his arms around her neck and held on while she headed back inside, babbling cheerfully about his favorite Batman stories at his new favorite person.


	10. Chapter 10: Goodbye

**Chapter 10**

For the first time in all her years at _Avalon Records_ Santana strolled passed the security guard and out the door at 5 pm.

"Ms. Spencer?" the older Hispanic guard asked with a curious cock of his head. "Going to get coffee?"

Santana shook her head, "Javier, it's Lopez now." she sighed,

_every time_ she thought. "I'm actually leaving for the day." He looked shocked, Santana Lopez never left at 5:00pm. Never.

"Are you sick, ma'am? I mean, you never go home at a normal time you're usually the last person out." He was worried about the young woman.

"I'm fine, I just have to go see some people." She said as she walked out waving goodbye to him. She walked the few blocks to the Hospital where Jesse was. All day she had had a bad feeling and she needed to see Rachel, to see the kids, to see _Jesse _so it would go away. She headed to his room and poked her head in side. No one was there but Jesse. A chill ran through her body as she entered the stale hospital room. "Hey Jesse." She said softly as she moved closer to him.

His eyes opened slowly. He had trouble focusing on her - he always did these days - but he smiled vaguely at the sound of her voice. It was a bit before he could remember who she was - it was harder for him and he got confused to easily that it often frustrated him - but eventually his hand twitched towards her and fumbled at her hand to squeeze if faintly. "'Tana..." his voice was soft, barely more than a whisper and almost hard to hear even in the quiet of the room, "hello."

"Hey." She smiled softly, sitting down in the chair next to him. "You okay?" She asked as she watched him. She felt how cold his hand's were, how translucent he had become. "Where is Rachel and the kids?" She asked, it was unlikely for them to not be here.

"Mom took them," he paused for a moment to catch his breath, brow furrowing as he struggled to remember the hazy details, "out." He finally responded with a vague shrug and a helpless smile. "Things are..." his eyes closed for a moment and for a long minute it seemed like he might have fallen back asleep, but eventually his eyes opened again and he seemed to look directly at her instead of past or through her, "soon, 'Tana. Not much longer. Tired."

Santana watched him and nodded, "It's okay." She whispered, "You fought so hard." she whispered, as she holds his hand. "So hard, Jesse. You made a beautiful family who will miss you, but understand that you have to leave them now. They don't want you to hurt anymore." She whispered as she looked up at the heart monitor noticing the change in his vitals. She hoped Rachel would come quickly.

Jesse nodded slowly, his eyes remaining trained on Santana. "Always thought Finn would... take care of Rachel after I was... gone." A little smile twitched his thin, dry lips, "Glad it's you instead. Won't let her cry forever, right?" His heartbeat picked up slightly as he fought for breath for a moment, but still seemed to go slower than a normal heartbeat should, "I can see... might be dying, but I can still see..." he squeezed her hand, smiling vaguely as his words trailed off to let him focus on just breathing for a bit.

Santana was confused, what could he see? "What do you mean, Jesse?" she asked as she moved closer. "I promise. I promise I will try to help her. I promise." Her head was spinning. What did _Finn_ have to do with this? She tried to not dwell on it as she turned back to him. "I'll help her."

It took almost another two minutes before he slowly opened his eyes again and nodded, "Good. I want her to be... _happy _'Tana." He raised one hand to rest on his chest as if it could help him breathe, his nostrils flaring slightly with each slow breath, "you make her happy. As..." he blinked slowly, "as long as you make her happy, it's okay. I give my blessing."

He smiled at her and one eye drooped in something like a wink - a hint of his old Broadway flair for dramatics showing through, "Just take care of her and my little ones." His breath rasped in the still room, only the soft chirp of the heart monitor interrupting the stillness - the steady green line showing longer spaces between spikes as the end approached, 'Promise me you'll take care of them, Santana. I need to know they'll be loved." The grip of his chilly hand on hers tightened suddenly and for a moment, he seemed 100% there and focused entirely on her waiting for her answer.

She was trying to process what he was saying. Did he think? Did he think that she and Rachel... were _cheating_ on him? "Jesse. Rachel and I are... we're friends. We wouldn't! We wouldn't have.. she's with you." She whispered softly. "I care about them so much. I promise that I'll love them. I promise that." She nodded and she held his hand. "I'll care for them."

He seemed to relax at her promise, like one last burden was lifting off of his shoulders. "I know." He whispered, "Rachel is sweet and loyal and she wouldn't, but I can see, 'Tana, and it's okay. If it happens," he squeezed her hand, that quiet smile back on his lips, "when it happens. It's okay. I won't be mad as long as you make her happy."

His words trailed off and his breathing slowed back into that strange very slow pattern from the quicker - almost normal - pace it had gained while they spoke. His eyes watched her though. "She deserves happiness, Santana." His voice had softened again, the fire that had made him seem almost healthy had faded, "I just want her to be happy because I love her..."

His eyes blinked slowly, each closed phase lasting a little longer than the last. It was hard for him to stay awake, but he wanted to see his family one last time before the end. It was all he wanted, so he held on. "Don't let the little ones see me go..."

"They'll be here soon. Just hold on a bit longer okay?" She whispered, "Come on, J. Please." She looked around breathing a sigh of relief when the family comes in. She looks at Rachel sadly and motions for her to come closer and sit down after she vacated the chair. "Jesse? Rachel and the kids are back..."

Jesse's eyes open slowly, taking in his family with a soft smile, "Hi..." he croaked, Rachel automatically taking his hand as he spoke, her eyes bright, but she didn't cry, "let the children come up. I want to hug them."

Rachel nodded almost jerkily, reaching down to lift first Kayla - though she wasn't sure she'd be able to do so for much longer - then Cale to snuggle into their father's side. Kayla immediately wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tight, tears trickling down her cheeks. "Don't go, Daddy," she whispered. Cale didn't say anything, but his hand tightened in the fistful of blanket covering his father's chest and he blinked quickly.

"I'm sorry, angel," Jesse whispered, leaning down to kiss her head - the simple gesture took so much effort that he trembled when he finally relaxed back into the bed after blessing his son with the same gesture, "I don't want to."

"Then don'!" Cale finally shouted, turning to bury his face in his father's side as if he wouldn't really be crying, "Don' go! Can see he'ven other time!"

He reached up with a shaky hand to tug his son closer. "I have to, tiger. I'm sorry. I love you both so much. Daddy will always love you more than anything or anyone."

"I miss you," Kayla whispered, squeezing him tight like she knew she wouldn't have a chance again.

"Miss you... too." Jesse's breathing had slowed again and his eyes drooped closed as he fell asleep, his children snuggled into his side.

Santana reached out and took Rachel's hand. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders and held her as they watched the kids. She held her tightly and whispered that _it's going to be okay_ into her ear. She didn't believe it herself in that moment, but she needed to say it.

The Latina watched Cale and Kayla as she blinked away tears at their pain. She knew that Jesse was going to pass away in a matter of hours, but more likely minutes. Santana sniffled and spoke into Rachel's ears.

"I'll take them out... You need to say goodbye."

Rachel had leaned back into the comfort of Santana's embrace, but she nodded and stepped forward when Santana offered to take the children away. Jesse and her had discussed this, and they agreed that it would be better for the children not to see their father pass on. She swallowed and bent down to lift Kayla. "Come on, little star, I need you to go with Santana now for a little while, okay?"

Kayla clung to her father, not wanting to be separated from him, shaking her head wildly, "No! No! Don't want Daddy to go! No!"

It took so much effort not to cry at the painful timber of her daughter's cries, but Rachel blinked back the tears and gently pulled the tantruming girl from Jesse's side, "I know, Kayla, I know. I don't him to go either, but he has to, baby girl. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

Kayla transferred her embrace to her mother, clinging tightly, "Make him stay, Mama..."

"I wish I could, little star," Rachel whispered, kissing the side of her head, "I wish I could."

Silently, Santana moved closer and picked up Cale. She watched as he gave his father a tiny kiss on the head then crawled into the Latina's hold. He clung onto her and Santana moved closer to the door. She rocked him back and forth trying to comfort him. She watched Rachel and Kayla. She didn't know how to help, how to comfort the child bawling into her mother's embrace.

"Kayla... come give mommy a chance to say goodbye." Santana said softly, as she reached her hand out to the little girl.

Slowly, Kayla released her hold on her mom and let Rachel put her down. Rachel's eyes shimmered with unshed tears as she smiled at Santana, giving Kayla a gentle push in the Latina's direction. "Go on, now, Kayla. Be good for Santana, okay?"

The little girl nodded sadly, rubbing at the tears on her cheeks with a little fist as she stumbled over to take Santana's hand. Turning one last time to look at the almost completely still figure on the bed before they left, she raised her free hand and made a little wave, "Bye bye, Daddy. I love you." Just the effort of saying those words seemed to make her cry more and she tightened her grip on Santana's hand.

"Santana?" Rachel called out just before they left, "Could you... David and Maria are in the waiting area. Could you," her voice cracked slightly, and she coughed to clear it, "send them in?" _To be with their son one last time _went unsaid.

Santana nodded and led the kids out. She quietly told Jesse's parents that it was time and they quickly headed into the room. Santana took the kids to the quietest place she knew - the chapel. She sat down with the little ones and pulled them both onto her lap and hugged them tightly. "It's going to be okay." She whispered as she held the small children. "It's going to be okay."

"No," Kayla whispered into Santana's neck, holding on, "Daddy's going away." And she started crying again. Not the loud attention getting sobs more normal for a young child, but soft, wrenching sobs that shook her entire body and dampened Santana's shirt.

Cale didn't say anything just clung to Santana's side and looked up at her for reassurance before trembling and letting his own fat tears streak down his cheeks. "Want Daddy to not go 'way, Santa," he whispered, burying his face in her side.

"I know baby." She whispered, kissing his head and then Kayla's. "It sucks. But, babies you know he's not like he was. He's really sick and sometimes you have to let people you love go... It doesn't mean he doesn't love you and mommy." She cuddled them singing softly to them in the almost silent room.

* * *

><p>In the room, Rachel sat at Jesse's side, his hand grasped in both of hers as she intently watched his face. David and Maria came in a couple moments later, gathering on the other side of his bed, David's arm reassuringly around Maria's shoulders as the older woman took their son's hand in hers, tears softly streaking her face. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Parents weren't supposed to outlast their children. Even David's strong features and square jaw were marked with the grief of seeing their only son in such a state, thin rivulets of tears of tears cutting across the lines of age on his tanned skin and soaking into his beard.<p>

The older man reached down to grasp his son's shoulder, wanting his boy to know that he was not alone, that everyone who cares for him was with him or thinking about him in his final hour. The firm pressure on his shoulder gave Jesse the impetus to fight off the heavy curtain of sleep. He was tired. So very tired. His eyes barely opened half way and he seemed half gone already, but he smiled to see them.

"Hello, love," Rachel whispered, squeezing his hand gently and smiling at him, doing her best not to cry for the loss hanging over their heads, but to show him her happiest smile, just grateful for this final moment with him. "We're here. Rachel, your mom and dad. We're here with you. Santana is taking care of the children right now."

He smiled and there was a vague movement in his chilled hand that she decided to take as an attempt at a return squeeze, but he didn't even attempt to speak. The strength to form words had escaped him, granted to their children for a final goodbye. Rachel mourned that she'd never hear him say he loved her again, not get to hear him say goodbye, but she couldn't find it in herself to begrudge that final gift to their children.

"Oh my precious boy," Maria whispered, reaching up to stroke his cheek gently. He turned into the soft pressure of her hand, his jaw slipping slightly further in that direction as he lost the strength to hold it in place.

He was there, with them, but at the same time he was already leaving. His eyes looked past them at something none of them could see. The slow chirp of the heart monitor slowed even further, the numbers showing his blood pressure dropping as his heart slowly started to shut down. His father smiled down at him through his tears, his lips tight as he tried to resist crying, seeing his son - the little boy he'd taught to climb trees and catch a ball - so frail, but struggling to stay there with them.

"It's okay," David's voice was rough, almost inaudible under the tears choking him. He cleared his throat, swallowed, "It's okay, Jesse. You don't have to fight anymore. You can let go."

Rachel squeezed his hand, her voice soft, "You don't have to worry about us, Jesse. We'll be okay. _I'll_ be okay. I promise I will. Just..." she swallowed softly, turning away to wipe at her eyes with one hand, "just stop hurting, love. You can sleep now. Everything will be okay."

Jesse watched her with eyes that seemed a little cloudier than before, that barely looked at her as if they couldn't see her any more. His parents watched the husband and wife's last interaction quietly, giving them both the space they needed and the support of their presence. Rachel stood awkwardly and leaned forward, not letting go of his hand, to brush her lips across his one last time.

As she pulled away, she whispered against them, "Thank you, my love, for..." she blinked back a tear, "everything. I'll miss you, but you can lay down your burdens now..."

He seemed to understand. As she sat back down, a tremble passed through him as a long breath escaped his lips. His eyes blinked slowly once, barely opening, then falling closed again.

They didn't open again.

The steady chirp of the heart monitor turned into a low drone as the line steadied, the numbers falling to zero. Maria finally released Jesse's now limp hand and turned into her husband's chest to sob softly, his strong arms wrapping around her shoulders and holding her close, his face buried in her soft brown hair as his own tears escaped him. Rachel just sat there, dry eyed, Jesse's hand still in hers, her eyes still on him.

After several long minutes, Maria gathered control of herself and turned to help her daughter-in-law only to find her still sitting there, watching Jesse as if waiting for him to move. No tear on her cheek, her expression calm, almost blank. For a moment, she reached towards the younger woman, then she let her hand fall as she looked up at her husband, who nodded. This wasn't their place. They couldn't help Rachel.

* * *

><p>They made their way out of the room quietly, leaving their daughter-in-law alone with their son and asked at the desk where Santana and the children had gone. After being directed to the chapel, David paused in the door way, watching sadly as his wife went in to crouch before Santana, the children asleep in the Latina's arms. She carefully brushed her fingers over the woman's arm to get her attention before speaking softly, so not to wake the little ones.<p>

"Santana?" She smiled sadly, the pain in her eyes letting her know that it had happened, "She... she needs you."

She nodded, gently kissing the kids heads before handing them over to their grandparents. Santana stood up and walked back to Jesse's room. She watched for a moment as Rachel stared at his body. She closed her eyes and prayed for the strength to give her friend, but as she waited and spoke to an undefined god she felt the empty presence of the room. Even sick, Jesse's presence and aura took up the whole room. Now... now there was a void. She walked over and stood behind Rachel, putting her hands around the woman's shoulders. She crouched down so she could hug her from behind as they watched the body.

Santana couldn't find anything to say. She just held Rachel.

As soon as Santana's hands touched her shoulders, it was as if a switch was thrown and a shudder rippled through her body. She finally released her grip on Jesse's hand and let it drop back to the bed at his side. "He's gone," she mumbled, turning slowly to face Santana with bright eyes that seemed lost and broken now, tears shimmering in the corners, "he's gone, Santana. What do I do now?"

She all but flung herself at the taller woman, arms wrapping around her neck as she finally broke down. All the pain and heartache of watching the man she loved, the father of her children, slowly waste away into nothing tore itself from her. The sobs that shook her body were silent, but no less heartrending for it. She buried herself against the Latina. All she wanted was to escape the pain of knowing Jesse was gone and never coming back. That he'd never hold her again. They'd never sing together again in the mornings, or as they played with their children.

Her youngest son would _never_ know his father in even the dimmest memory as more than a face in a photograph or a voice on a recording.

It made her sob all the harder. She wanted him back. Wanted him to be able to see their children grow up. She just wanted _him._

She wrapped her arms around the girl, lifted her up and carried her over to the tiny sofa in the room. She cradled Rachel as she cried, rocking her back and forth and whispering words of support and admiration into her ear. She stroked the girl's hair and held her tightly.

"He's gone." She whispered back, her own tears silently slipping out. She wasn't crying because Jesse's passing, but she was crying because she know how much it can tear apart a family. She was crying because Jesse _on his death bed_ told her to take care of his family. She realized the responsibility she would be undertaking.

"Everything will be okay." She whispered into Rachel's hair. "It will be okay."

Rachel shook her head, just staying close to the person offering her comfort, "No, it won't," she mumbled into Santana's tear soaked shirt, "he's gone and i'm alone and I don't know what to _do_ anymore, Santana."

She drew in a shaky breath and just curled closer, clinging to the other woman, "I don't know what to do without him..."


	11. Chapter 11: funeral

**Chapter Eleven - Funeral**

Santana sat in Cale's room, laying out his tiny suit. She decided to forgo much makeup because she knew that it would just get ruined. She smoothed out her black dress as she waited for the boy. He came out in just wet hair and batman underpants.

"I think that's perfect for under the suit." She smiled, "let's get you dressed." She sat him on the bed and ran the towel over him and grabbed a tiny undershirt. She slipped it over him and ran her fingers through his hair.

"I love you, buddy, have I told you that yet?" she asked as she combed his hair. This family had captured her heart so fast that she forgot they've only been in her life a few weeks.

He shook his head, his eyes sad. "Uh-uh," he mumbled, pulling his button up dress shirt on and fumbling at the buttons for a moment before giving up and just letting it hang open over his undershirt.

He was a sad little boy, his shoulders drooping dejectedly as he tugged on his socks. He missed his dad. Missed being able to snuggle with him. Missed hearing his laugh and the way he sounded when he sang. He missed that special smell that said 'daddy' to him and made him feel safe and wanted. Everything just felt like it'd been stolen away and he didn't know how to get it back.

He sighed - big and dramatic, much like his father used to, even though he didn't intend for it to come out that way - and struggled a bit trying to put on his pants. He wanted to show he was a big boy, that he didn't need help - even if he very much did. His lower lip trembled as he got more and more frustrated with his clothes.

Santana sighed, kneeling in front of him to button up his shirt. She tucked it into his pants and secured them. She grabbed his tie and looped it around his neck, she started the knot and watched his face. He was trying to hold back tears. "You're being so brave, Cale." She whispered, "So brave for your mom and sister... But, sweetie... You can cry if you want. Remember we talked, you can cry." she kissed his forehead and finished his tie.

"Want Daddy," he hiccuped, trying not to cry, his lower lip jutting out in a pout, "Daddy help me for fansee stuff. Don' want wear this. Want _Daddy_!"

"I know he did, baby." She whispered, pushing his hair off his forehead. "I know you want daddy...but today we need to say goodbye." she watched him. "We need to go and tell him goodbye and tell him you love him okay? Can you do that for me?" She whispered.

Cale nodded, his little shoulders slumping as tears trickled down cheeks still chubby with baby fat, "Don' wanna say bye Daddy, Santa. Will Daddy come home?"

He shivered with the force of his tears, but he tried manfully not to sob. His little hands clinched into fists and his eyes squeezed shut, but still the tears came. Finally, his arms came up and he reached for Santana, a broken sob pulling from his throat, "Santa! Want Daddy!"

She held him as he cried, "He's not. I'm so sorry, baby." She whispered into his hair, "He's not coming back. That's why you need to go say goodbye." She ran her fingers through his hair and ran her hand up and down his back trying to comfort him.

The little boy shivered and sobbed against Santana's shoulder, his tiny hands costing into her dress. He wanted his daddy, but his daddy was gone so he clung desperately to Santana instead. His tiny body shook with the strength of his grief and loss.

"Santana, is Cale read-" Rachel pushed the door to the little bedroom open and her words trailed off at the sight of her son clinging desperately to her friend. She smiled sadly, looking far more worn down and tired than she had a week ago, and leaned against the door.

She wasn't sure how she felt seeing Cale turn to someone who wasn't her, turning to _Santana_. But at the same time it brought a tired smile to her face to see the boy have someone who could comfort him now that his father was gone. She raised a hand to wipe away the tears that came - that always came now - at the thought of Jesse being gone.

Santana got up and picked up the boy, moving to wrap her arms around the young mother as she tried to comfort everyone. "He's ready." She whispered, pressing a small kiss to her head. "He'll be okay sweetie." She held her as she pulled away. She took her hand and squeezed it and looked in her eyes, still clutching to Cale. "Ready?" She asked knowing it's time for the family to say goodnight to the man they love.

"No," Rachel whispered, smiling sadly, "but it's time nonetheless." She tried her best to put on the brave face she used to find so easily before Jesse died, but it didn't seem to take as well as it used to, her brown eyes still heavy and dark with the pain and grief of losing him. "Kayla is with Maria out in the car. It's just the three of us left now."

She nodded, as Cale clutched onto her harder and buried her head in her shoulder. Santana kissed his temple and grabbed her purse and the tote bag of colouring books and such for the kids if they needed them. She took Rachel's hand and squeezed it leading her out to the car, she set Cale into the car seat and pulled away closing the door quickly and looking at her friend.

"Talk to me." She whispered, "What... what can I do to make today easier... to make everything easier..." She whispered, still holding on to Rachel's hand.

"Just," Rachel shook her head with a sad smile, "be here, I guess." She looked down at their joined hands and squeezed gently. "Jesse used to hold my hand like this when I was upset," she murmured quietly, that sad smile so often on her face lately making a reappearance.

"This I can do. Everything's set for the reception after..." she said, thinking maybe that everything being taken care of would help Rachel relax. "I got everything covered okay? You just take care of yourself and the kids and the little _fis_" she started to use her name for the baby but stopped. It wasn't the time, "the little one."

Rachel smiled softly, giving a little shrug, "You," she licked her lips, taking a breath, "you can call him fishy today if you want..." her free hand caressed the swell of her stomach - trying and failing to not think about how soon the little boy kicking and swimming in her womb would be here and how _close_ Jesse had gotten to seeing his youngest child.

"I think we could all use a little normalcy in our lives today and you calling him that..." A tear trickled down her face but she didn't move to wipe it away as she chuckled sadly, "Jesse thought it was so funny when I told him about it. It was the last time I really heard him laugh..."

Santana leaned up and wiped the stray tear from the woman's cheek. "I wish this didn't have to be happening..." She said softly, opening the door for Rachel to get into the car.

The drive to the synagogue was short, but silent. Santana helped get the kids out of the car while Rachel went ahead to talk to the Rabbi with Cale and Kayla and the children's grandparents - Rachel's fathers having flown in expressly for the funeral and barely had been able to get the time off for that. Off to the side in a quiet room with Rabbi Abram supervising, the family undertook the k'riah, tearing black ribbons and affixing them to their clothing, Rachel kneeling to hook the bits of ribbon she'd torn for their children to their tops over their hearts before letting them go to Santana and Maria.

Looking around, Santana was overcome with so much sadness. No 32 year old should iever/i die. Especially Jesse. She cursed a god she no longer fully believed in for letting this happen, for hurting these people so much. She was in her own thoughts when Cale looked up and reached his arms up for her to hold him. She swooped down and picked him up as Maria held Kayla's hand.

As far as funerals go, it was lovely. Santana looked around when she wasn't focusing her attention on the kids or Rachel. She didn't recognize most of the people there, but a few she did.

Tobias sat a few row's back, his head slightly bowed as he listened to the rabbi talk about the man for whom he didn't know. Santana was touched that he came. She had only mentioned it in passing when he asked her why her business trip to LA was postponed. Besides him, Will Schuester was there, his brillopad like hair grayed with age. He sat next to a woman she recognized but couldn't place who had a girl no more than 11 on her lap. The girl was striking in resemblance. Blonde with striking features and green eyes, but again Santana couldn't place them. She turned back, sliding the arm that wasn't secured around Cale to the back of the bench and gently rubbing Rachel's back trying to comfort her, if even just a bit.

Rachel leaned into the touch. She knew she should be strong, sitting up straight through the the _Eyl Malei Rahamim _and the _hespedim,_ but she just couldn't. She leaned into Santana, needing her strength to make it through the ceremony. She couldn't help the tears trickling down her face silently as she leaned against her friend's shoulder, Cale reaching out to take her hand with a sad, worried expression on his little face.

She held Rachel the best she could as the service finished, they kept sitting as the mass of people left and headed to the reception in a venue near by. Santana silently wiped her own tears and dropped a kiss to Cale's head.

The non-Jewish members had left, but Rachel still had the hardest part. She stood with the remains of her little family, Jesse's parents and her dads coming to stand behind her as the six friends of Jesse from his last production stepped to the pall draped casket, carefully took it and lifted it onto their shoulders. They moved with solemn order, silently bearing the burden of the wooden casket and the mortal remains it carried as they moved from the quiet of the temple to the waiting hearse.

Rachel held Kayla's hand tightly, looking over and gently brushing Cale's hair into place with a sad smile as Santana stepped up next to her. She wasn't Jewish, wasn't family. She didn't have to be there, but she was and Rachel was so grateful to have her strength as reached out with her free hand and took Santana's. "Thank you," she whispered.

They were ushered into the waiting towncar, the drive to the cemetery all but silent, even the children subdued by the heavy atmosphere. When they arrived and parked, the pallbearers were already removing the coffin from the back of the hearse and all that was waiting was for Jesse's family to follow as they made their way slowly through the tree lined cemetery. Seven times they stopped to observe his passing as dictated by the Rabbi. Seven times they continued on until they finally reached the grave.

Rachel and the others stood silently as the young men who'd carried Jesse this far carefully arranged roped underneath the coffin to cradle it. She stood silently watching as they slowly and gently lowered him into the ground, holding back her tears as she held her daughter's hand. It wasn't until shovels were presented to her and David that tears marked her face again. But she nodded took the shovel, joining her father-in-law at the mound of dirt and carefully taking a small mound of dirt on the back of the shovel and transferring it to the open grave. At the sound of the dirt striking the coffin lid though she nearly collapsed with grief and her fathers came up, Leroy pulling her away into his arms to cry while Hiram took her place, working stoically with David to cover the lid of the coffin as the Rabbi waited to read the final kaddish.

Santana stood slightly back behind everyone else observing the service. Her eyes were carefully trained to the children to make sure that they didn't run off in the distraction. She played with her fingers as the Rabbi spoke after the casket was lowered into the ground, before looking up and seeing Cale look back at her with a confused face. She knew that he didn't understand. She motioned for the little one to come to her and he carefully and quickly moved out of his grandmother's grasp to run to Santana.

The older woman was distracted by the burial and almost didn't notice him getting away until it was too late. For a moment, she was visibly tense and worried until she saw him running into the arms of the crouching Latina dear the back of the group and relaxed. She nodded with a quietly understanding smile before turning back to the final ceremony to be held for her only child as Cale wrapped his arms around Santana's neck.

"Santa, what happen? Where Daddy go?" The poor little boy looked both sad and confused, lost and scared amidst all the crying and upset around him, "Why Mama cry? Make her stop, Santa..."

"I will, buddy." Santana whispered, not actually caring that she was getting her legs dirty as she knelt down in her dress. She shivered as the frosty soil hit her knees, she turned him around and hugged him from behind as he watched and she spoke softly in his ear. "Everyone, everyone who loves your daddy came to say goodbye to him. He's..." she didn't want him to say he was in the casket. It was too scary to think about, too literal for him.

The woman Santana had seen sitting next to Will in the chapel crouched beside them, her little girl standing a bit away, but still close, nibbling on a thumbnail and looking nervous. "He's with God now, Cale."

Cale looked up at the woman with big sad eyes, "Where God, Gramma Sh'by?" He cuddled into Santana's embrace, his head on the Latina's shoulder as he hugged her and watched the woman.

"God is everywhere, sweetie. Your daddy is everywhere too. He's with you right now." She reached over and gently stroked his hair with a soft smile, "You can't see him anymore, but he'll always be with you. Because you love him and he loves you very much."

Santana was thankful that she had backup, she mouthed thank you to Shelby. She had never actually met the woman before but now that she was more or less in her face she knew that it was Rachel's mother. She kept holding Cale as the service finished and she looked up to see Kayla.

"Hi, Gramma." Kayla whispered as she fell into the older woman's arms. Santana picked up Cale, reaching down to brush off her knees as she did so. "Up." She raised her arms up for Shelby to pick her up. "I miss you, Daddy said you busy all the time so you can't come play." She pouted, resting her head on Shelby's chest. "Momma misses you too," Kayla rambled to fill the silence as Santana stood awkwardly holding the toddler. He seemed to quiet himself down and settle his eyes on the grave that was more efficiently being filled now. "Gramma, this is my friend Santi." The girl introduced the women. "She Daddy and Mommy's friend, but she likes plays with me more."

Santana smiled softly at the girl. "Santana Lopez-Spencer, Ma'am." She introduced herself, sticking her hand out to shake the older woman's hand. "Rachel and I,"

"Went to school together," Shelby cut in, shaking Santana's hand firmly. She cautiously eyes the girl that she heard stories of from both Rachel and Will about how high school was for her daughter. The fact that she was picked on relentlessly by three girls on the cheerleading team. Shelby didn't like her on principal, mostly because she couldn't dislike the birth mother of her daughter. Santana looks down at her black stilettos knowing that look. She sighed and flipped her hair back.

"Look, that was a long time ago..." She tired to not look too aggravated at the look she was getting. "We all grew up, but right now? iNot/i the time or the place to talk about that. Where here for iyour/i son-in-law."

Kayla looked back and forth between the women, wondering what was going on. Shelby nodded curtly and turned her attention back to her granddaughter. "Come on, sweetness. Lets go back to Mommy so we can go and get you some hot cocoa at the reception." She took another look at the Latina before walking away.

Cale snuggled into Santana, pressing his face to her neck, "Why Gramma Sh'by not like you? You my Santa. Gramma Sh'by mean not like you..."

He didn't understand anything. His daddy was gone away, even if his grandma said daddy was with him, he wasn't really. Daddy always held his hand when they were outside, or carried him. Only Santana carried him now and he clutched her tighter with his chubby little arms. His mama was crying and no matter how his grandpa Leroy tried to soothe her, she just kept sobbing. He hated it when his mama cried. It made him feel scared like when the light bulb in his Batman nightlight went out, but Daddy had come in and changed it and made the monsters go away.

He wanted his Daddy to come fix things for his mama. He wanted her to stop crying. He wanted to make things better but he was just a very little boy, so he clung to Santana and buried his face and the tears trickling down his cheeks in her shoulder. "Make Mama stop crying, Santa... don' like. Daddy should come make Mama stop cryin, Santa... why he not come?"

"Gramma doesn't know me very well, Cale. She's not mean she just doesn't understand that I'm _your_ Santa." She smiled softly kissing his forehead. When he continued to talk, to ask questions about his father Santana realized that he just didn't know. "I know sweetie, Mommy's sad because..." She said softly, walking towards the car with everyone else. "Your daddy is not gonna come back because he died, baby." She sighed wondering if she's the only one whose told him. She didn't wanna break his heart anymore, but someone had to tell him. "He was really sick and he died." She watched his face, seeing if he was comprehending.

Cale raised his tear streaked face up from her shoulder to look at her, "Died?" His little face scrunched up in confusion, "Daddy not coming back? Ever?"

"I'm sorry buddy." She said softly, "He's not coming back. He'll love you forever, but he's not gonna be here with us anymore."

Cale sniffled, "Miss Daddy, Santa. Miss him lots and lots!" He finally broke out in little baby boy sobs that shook his whole body as he buried his face against Santana, "Miss Daddy _lots!_ Who read me pic'ure books? Who play Batman? Want Daddy!"

She rocked him back and forth softly, "I know... I know buddy." She cooed into his ear, she didn't know how to make him feel better. She knew from experience that nothing would make it better, not yet anyway. She just needed him to know that people were still here for him. "Your mommy, and grandparents and Kayla are here for you. I'm here for you, always okay? I know we're not Daddy, but we can all try together okay?"

Cale just sobbed, holding onto her like she was the last stable thing in his world. He was scared and he wanted his daddy to come and make things better, but Santana said he wasn't coming back and she never lied to him. "Don' go, Santa. Don' go p'ease. Stay wit me. Don' go like Daddy. Don' let Mama go. P'ease, Santana, p'ease..."

"I promise Cale, I promise."


	12. Chapter 12: Shiva

**Chapter Twelve: **

Santana closed her office door, she rolled her neck and hoisted her briefcase over her shoulder. She looked tired, constantly worrying about Rachel and the kids had left many long nights driving back and forth out of town to see them during their mourning period. She had promised Cale that she'd never leave for too long, but she had to go to work which meant she had to leave super early.

"Leaving early again, Santana?" Tobias called. Santana turned around and glared at him before walking closer. "I know that that girl's husband died, but don't run yourself down because of it."

Santana narrowed her eyes at him, "Back off." She growled, "You don't know. Okay. You just don't know."

"Are you having an affair with her?" Tobias asked, as Santana started to walk away. The Latina stopped and gathered her breath as she spoke.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." Santana growled as she turned around, "You have ino/i idea what you're talking about. She's my friend. My _pregnant_ friend, who just lost her_ husband_." She crossed her arms.

"You seemed pretty upset the night of the wake." he said moving closer to her, "When you came to our apartment... when you slept with me." He ran his fingers over her cheek, to cup her face.

"_Your _apartment." She said softly, "That... that was a mistake." She looked at the ground. "That was a mistake because I was upset." She pulled away, looking at the ground, "It was a mistake." She quickly left the building and jumped into the back of her car, instructing the driver to drive to the synagogue where she promised to meet Rachel and the children.

* * *

><p>"Don't play with that, Cale." Rachel's voice was softer than it had been, worn down and tired. She knelt in front of her son and straightened the t-shirt with its torn pocket that he wore over his khaki slacks.<p>

"But it teared, Mama," he pouted, fussing with the hanging flap of the shirt.

She carefully pulled his hand away, "I know it is torn, sweetheart. It means you miss your daddy terribly now that he's gone."

"Miss Daddy lots, Mama," his brown eyes welled up with tears as he looked up at her, "Santa says he not come back."

"That's right, Cale," Rachel swallowed softly, gently wiping his tears away with her thumb, looking up gratefully at Maria as she came out of the bathroom carrying a drowsy Kayla, "Daddy's gone and he's not coming back anymore. It's just you, Kayla and I now, but we'll be okay because we have each other and your grandparents to help us."

"And Santa," he piped up, reaching up to hold his mother's hand, "She _promised_."

She brushed her fingers through her hair and straighted with a little smile for her son, "That's right, sweetie. Santana too."

"Why can't Santa always stay?" He pouted, holding onto her hand with both of his as they waited for the woman coming to pick them up, "I want her stay."

"She has an important job to do, sweetie, and she has to be in the city for that job. She's coming to pick us up though, ok?"

He nodded, leaning against her leg and waiting for the familiar black towncar to come down the street outside. It had been a week since they'd buried Jesse and tomorrow their Rabbi promised to come to their home with the members of the _minyan_ to lead them in the ritual for ending the period of _shiva_. It was time to reenter society, much as she didn't feel ready for it. Her hand spread over the swollen bulge of her stomach, feeling the tension even as she sensed her child moving inside. Soon it would be time to meet him, she thought, a tear trickling down her cheek as she recalled - yet again - Jesse would never know the baby boy.

Cale squeezed her hand, "Don' cry, Mama. Santa promised she'd make better..."

Rachel smiled, though there wasn't much mirth in it and tugged him close with her free hand, "It's okay, Cale. I just miss your daddy terribly right now."

* * *

><p>Santana was frustrated at her ex-husband, she hand quickly snuck a cigarette on the way to pick up Rachel and the kids. She had all the windows down and she was blowing air through the car as Ajay, her driver, laughed softly at her.<p>

"Miss, I think you got the scent out." He laughed. Ajay had been driving her since they moved to New York and Santana had a car accident. "You shouldn't smoke if Mrs. St. James had an issue with it."

The Latina sighed and rolled her neck, "I know... I know. I'm just stressed today." He nodded as he pulled in front of the synagogue. Santana jumped out of the car as Ajay got out to grab the car seats out of the trunk for the kids.

Santana pushed her hair back over her shoulder and headed towards the door. She slipped through the door and looked around for Rachel and her children. She stepped carefully toed around the room so her heels didn't clang as loudly.

Kayla noticed her first, "Santi!"

The little girl pulled her hand from her grandmother's and pelted across the little waiting area to fling her arms around Santana's legs and hug her tight. Her brother squealed happily and dropped his mother's hand to hurl himself at his favorite person, "Santa come!"

Rachel just shook her head with a soft, sad smile at her children's antics, making her way quietly over, "Thank you for offering to drive us home, Santana." Her voice soft and worn, she couldn't even bring herself to raise her eyes to look at Santana, her emotions still raw a week later. She was afraid if she looked at her friend and saw the caring and compassion in those eyes again she'd lose control over her tenuous grasp on her emotions. "I appreciate it."

"Of course." She smiled, carefully bending down in her skirt to scoop up both kids. "Do you have everything? Do your in-laws need a ride too?" She asked, looking over to the forlorn looking parents of the decesed. She kissed the kids each on the forehead and smiled, "Can I make dinner for you guys tonight?" She asked, not really remembering how this _shiva_ thing worked.

Rachel smiled slightly - she didn't seem to smile as big or as bright as she did a week and a half ago any more - and nodded, "That would be nice. Thank you, Santana. David and Maria drove us in, but the children especially wanted to ride with you and it's hard to deny them such a simple pleasure right now."

She nodded and headed towards the door. "Ajay is waiting with the car, the seats are already in and ready to go." She smiled softly. "Come on, lets go home okay?" She waved a short goodbye to Jesse's parents before opening the door for the family and ushering them into the car. "By making you dinner, I mean I'm gonna buy somthing from the kosher deli... I can't cook... or I would." She looked down ashamed slightly by her lack of abilitys domestically. "So anything you guys want." She hooked the kids into the seat and sat back with Rachel.

"The one on 49th?" Rachel smiled again, buckling Kayla in, "Just ask for a vegetarian shiva platter. They'll know what you need."

She sat next to Santana and buckled up, letting her hand rest gently on her friend's arm. "It's entirely alright that you can't cook, Santana. We all have our own little talents, after all. Perhaps someday I could teach you a few simple dishes, but I for one never imagined myself for domesticity and look at me now. A widowed soon-to-be mother of three." There was a hint of bitterness in her voice, a trace of her anger at God for taking her husband and her children's father so soon.

Santana nodded her head to Ajay to head to the 49th street deli, she carefully slid her hand up and tangled her fingers with Rachel's in a way to try to show her that maybe it would be okay someday. When they got to the deli she smiled as Ajay jumped out of the car and headed into the store to retrieve the order. Santana smiled at Kayla who had already fallen alseep in the booster seat.

"You all look so tired," Santana whispered, squeezing Rachel's hand. "Are you getting any sleep?"

"Some," Rachel replied with a shrug, just looking at their entwined hands and trying not to see Jesse's larger hand laced with hers. She barely slept the last few nights, tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable between the loss of her husband and the advanced stage of her pregnancy. She only finally got a hour or two after finally weeping herself into a state of exhaustion, only to wake up shortly after to keep her children's routine.

Most mornings, they were all that got her out of bed. She found it so hard to care about things without Jesse. She hadn't bathed since he'd died, though she took care to put on deodorant each morning not wanting to offend the members of her synagogue good enough to come sit with them and pray for Jesse's soul. Her hair hung in limp strands about her shoulders, the dark circles under her eyes more pronounced. Her appearance was beginning to resemble her husband's before then end, explaining Cale's concern that he might lose his mama too, but she just couldn't bring herself to care.

Santana was worried, she knew that this wasn't healthy for Rachel to kill herself like this. "Rachel... think about the baby okay? I need you to sleep when we get home. The kids _need_ you to sleep when we get home. I'll take care of them and get them ready for bed okay? I just need you to get some rest and eat. Please, it's not healthy for you to get this run down right now." She near pleaded her voice quiet to not startle Cale who was watching out the window as Ajay started driving again.

Rachel looked up at Santana for the first time since she'd arrived, her dark brown eyes lost with pain and grief. "I can't, Santana. I want to, but I just can't. I can't get comfortable with this little one trying to decide when he wants to come out," she rubbed her belly with the warmest smile Santana had seen on her face since Jesse had died, but it soon faded, as did her voice, "and every time I close my eyes, I just see him lying there... _gone_ and I just want to cry until there's nothing left of me."

"What happens when you get sick, or too sick to even have the baby safely?" She needed to talk sense into the girl, "Your kids need you to take care of yourself. Jesse would want that. I'm not doing my job if I let you get sick. Okay? I promised, i promised to keep you okay. To try to make sure you don't throw yourself into depression to the point of," she sighed, "this."

"It's not your fault, Santana," Rachel sighed, leaning back into the seat, "I just can't stand having to sit around everyone reminding me over and Iover/I that he's gone and he's Inever/I coming back. Wishing me condolences I don't believe even half of them really mean. I _know_ he's gone, Santana. It's all I can think of. I just... I can't do _anything_. I can't cook for my children... I can't even _sing_!" She covered her face with her hands, raking fingers into lackluster hair, "I'm not allowed to Ibathe/I or wear clean clothes. All I'm allowed to do is sit around, let people Icomfort/I me, and dwell on the soul tearing agony of my _grief_. What am I supposed to do?"

"Fuck religious rules, Rachel!" Santana hissed softly trying to not wake up the children. "I don't care about some old ass Jewish law. When we get to your house, we're putting you in a hot bath. We're putting on Funny Girl and we are going to eat. I'm making you break Shiva. I'm sorry. I can't watch you kill yourself, or your baby." Santana said sternly, her arms crossing like Rachel didn't have a choice ether way. "Be angry at me all you want, but Jesse wouldn't want this. I'm sure your Rabbi wouldn't want this if he saw you under the greving widow. You need to comfort your children. You need to spend time thinking about something other than how sad you are. It's going to kill you too."

Rachel wanted to be mad, wanted to lash out and tear down the person taking away her last honor for the man she loved. But she didn't, because she knew Santana was right. She knew she was endangering herself, endangering her_ child, Jesse's _child, by continuing to sit shiva and allowing it to send her spiraling down into the darkness of depression. She needed someone to push her into doing what she didn't want to do on her own. So instead she nodded, giving her care for the night into her best friend's hands.

"Okay," her voice was little more than a whisper, her body slumping in her seat to rest her head on Santana's shoulder, "I'll listen to you."

* * *

><p>When they got to the house Santana woke the kids up. Cale stayed quiet but wide awake as he followed his mom into the house. Santana carried the still sleeping little girl and laid her to bed before heading into Rachel's bathroom and starting a bath. She turned around and saw Cale watching her.<p>

"Hey buddy. Mommy's gonna take a bath," He nodded silently as his big eyes watched his favorite person. He ducked under the counter and pulled out a blue bottle - Batman bubble bath. Santana chuckled softly and unscrewed the cap and poured some in the water. She kissed his head, "You're such a good boy, Caleb." She saw a hint of a smile before he looked back at the water. "Do you wanna ask your mommy if you can take a bath with her?" He smiled and nodded, "Okay buddy go get her."

* * *

><p>Rachel was sitting at the kitchen table, leaning forward with her head propped up in her hands, when Cale found her. "Mama?" he asked, tugging on her shirt.<p>

She moved one hand to smile down at him tiredly, "Yes, sweetie? Do you need something?"

"Santa says ask Mama can me bath with you?" He looked up at her hopefully, one tiny fist clutching to the fabric of her shirt. "Santa put in Batman bubbles!"

"Batman bubbles, hey?" She chuckled softly, the first real laugh she had in over a week, "We can let those go to waste, now can we?" Cale shook his head urgently as Rachel slowly got to her feet. "Okay, little man, go get your bath things and you can take a bath with me."

Cale ran off with an excited smile, happy to see his mama starting to come back. Rachel followed in his wake with another soft, low chuckle, making her way carefully to the bathroom, only to find Santana in there still preparing the bath. "So..." she swallowed awkwardly with a soft blush, "how will this work? It is unfortunately difficult for me to get in and out of the tub right now..."

Santana stood up and walked over to her friend. "Luckily you have me here." She helped Rachel wiggle out of her top, throwing it into the hamper before holding her still as she pushed off her maternity pants. The Latina tried not to look, but the fact the smaller woman standing near bare in front of her did not go unnoticed.

"Okay, um. Take off your bra and we can get you in okay?" she stumbled over her words realizing she took the young mother's underpants off with her pants.

Reaching awkwardly behind her, she managed to unhook the fastener, rolling her shoulders forward to ease the straps off, holding the cups in place with one arm as she removed first one arm then the other. Once the straps were clear, she pulled the bra away from her body, dropping it in the hamper. Rachel was too exhausted and worn out by the week of religiously enforced mourning to be embarrassed or care once Santana agreed to help her. She didn't want to think or feel anymore, she just wanted to let her friend take control and make things stop hurting.

She leaned into Santana as the other woman helped her step carefully into the warm, bubble filled water, a low groan pulling itself from her throat as the warm water started working on her muscles, pulling the deep seated aches away. Her eyes were dark with relief as she smiled softly up at the woman who was doing so much to help her and her family when she didn't have to, whispering softly, "Thank you, Santana. For everything."

She was settling back against the ledge as Cale came running in dressed in nothing but a towel emblazoned with a luridly hued image of his favorite superhero that looked like it belonged on a beach more than in a bathroom. "Mama! Bathtime!" He dropped the towel in an untidy heap on the floor and tried awkwardly to crawl into the tub, his toes squeaking on the side as he kept trying to get a good grip to climb in but kept sliding back down.

Rachel started to move to help him, but he turned to Santana with a pout before she could, lifting his arms expectantly, "Santa, help bathtime!"

Santana giggled as she swooped up the naked boy and laid a raspberry on his stomach causing him to giggle. "Okay Buddy, be gentle with momma now." She said as she plopped the boy in the water. She grabbed a washcloth and put some soap on it bringing it to gently wash Rachel. "It's my pleasure, Rachel, please. Just relax." She carefully brought the cup that was on the side of the tub up and filled it with water. She tilted her head back and ran the water through her hair. She repeated this motion a few times before putting shampoo in her hair.

"Is the water helping at all?" She asked her eyes watching the little boy splashing around. She rubbed her fingertips against the exhausted woman's scalp.

Rachel had leaned forward slightly and was using the angle to work a little of the baby shampoo from the edge of the tub into her son's messy hair as he played with a pair of rubber duckies that some enterprising soul had drawn masks and a slightly sloppy R and bat logo on the chests of. iProbably Jesse/i, she thought idly as she answered, "Yes, Santana. Thank you."

It was the sort of thing he did before he got sick, personalizing simple toys to suit his children's personalities. He was the one who'd introduced Cale to Batman and Robin - against Rachel's wishes as she didn't believe such a young child should be exposed to violence of that nature - the one who'd sat with Kayla backstage between shows and listened as she explained something new she'd learned, encouraged her. She felt tears pricking her eyes again as she remembered everything he'd done for their children, how much he'd loved them. Even up to the very end, he'd given everything he had to be the best father he could and she'd loved him all the more for it.

It was... different in a way. Santana wasn't making her remember, wasn't doing anything to try and make her remember her loss, focus on it. She was just being there, helping her. Helping her ichildren/i. Rachel was still sad, still missed Jesse, but it was different. Not as painful in a strange way, or well, she couldn't explain it right. It was painful. It still hurt. But... it didn't seem to strike her soul down as hard with Santana just being there as it did with the visitors come to express their condolences during the time of ishiva/i.

Santana ran her fingers through Rachel's hair, massaging her scalp in a hope to get her to relax. She carefully rinsed out her hair and massaged some conditioner in the long silky hair to make it more vibrant. She let it sit and rubbed her fingers gently against Rachel's neck trying to relieve the knots. As Santana tried to figure out what to do, she watched Cale playing and she smiled. The silence in the bathroom was driving Santana crazy, so she began to softly hum iSomewhere Over the Rainbow/i as she rinsed the other woman's hair.

"iSomeday I'll wish upon a star, and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops; away above the chimney tops that's where you'll find me./i" She sang quietly, moving to lean back and sit on her heels, folding Cale's towel and sitting it on the toilet seat.

Rachel knew she wasn't supposed to sing. That she was supposed to be properly mournful over Jesse's death. But she'd always sang when she was happy or sad and so had he. It felt iwrong/i not to sing. So as Santana's raspy alto faded, she raised her own voice, soft and hesitant with disuse over the last month, but still with the glimmer of that old Rachel Berry shine, "Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow. Why then, oh why can't I? If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh why can't I?"

As the last note faded and she finished rinsing Cale's hair, she turned her head to look at her friend sitting on the floor against the toilet and offered a smile that, while it couldn't exactly be classified as happy, also wasn't as sad as before, "Thank you. I know I keep saying it, but... thank you." She reached out with a wet hand and gently gripped Santana's, "I don't know what I would do without you sometimes."

Santana smiled when she head Rachel sing again, she hadn't yet and it had made things feel a little bit more normal. "Please, it's what friends do... I assume. I don't really have many anymore." She shrugged. While she spoke she felt her cellphone vibrate in her pocket, she took it out and looked at the message sender. iiTobias/i. With a frustrated sigh she shoved it back into the pocket of her skirt and rolled her neck leaning over and picking up the Robin duckie and quacking it at Cale.

"Quack, Robin ducky to the rescue!" She smiled and pecked his face with ducky kisses.

Cale giggled and squirmed in the water, sitting on his mother's legs and splashing around with the Batman duckie while making random motorboat noises. It was the happiest he'd looked since the funeral. He'd hardly been allowed to spend anytime with his mother in the past week and what time he had spent, she'd just been sad and hadn't wanted to play or sing with him. He didn't like that. He liked his mama best when she smiled and sang.

"Made Mama better, Santa!" he laughed, bouncing on Rachel's legs, "Made ibetter/i!"

Rachel chuckled, not really knowing what her boy was babbling about, and combed her fingers through his wet hair as she leaned back against the edge of the tub again, letting the water soothe her aches, "This little boy loves water. I am continually surprised that Aquaman isn't his favorite character."

Cale scrunched up his nose and made a face, "Aquaman isilly/i, Mama. Batman icool/i."

Santana laughed, and leaned over making Cale's hair into a wet fauxhalk. "Aquaman is silly." She stuck her tongue out at Rachel and played with the boy for a little while longer while Rachel relaxed. They made silly voices and Santana didn't even flinch when her silk blouse and her hair got slightly wet from the toddler's excited splashes.

Santana looked over and noticed Rachel's eyes were closed, but she was flinching slightly.

"You okay, Mama?" She asked, poking Rachel's protruding bellybutton.

"Hmm?" Rachel's eyes opened half way, and she smiled sleepily, "What? Oh..." there was a long pause, then, "yes, I'm fine, Santana. Why?"

She could feel the pangs in her lower body, had been for a couple of hours, waves of pain that had she been in a better state of mind she would have recognized as contractions and not the cramps that she was dismissing them as. They were far between though, nearly a half hour, and she wasn't thinking properly. Her breath caught in her throat with the onset of each one, but she didn't want it to be contractions. Didn't want to think that Jesse had missed meeting him by iso much/i.

* * *

><p>Santana ran her fingers through Kayla's hair, she had woken up long enough to have dinner and let Santana braid her hair back before cuddling back in bed. "I'll see you tomorrow okay?" She whispered as she pucked the girl into her bed.<p>

"Stay?" Kayla whispered into the dimly lit room, "Please?" She clutched the Latina's shirt and looked up with pleading eyes. "Santi."

Santana's heart broke as she looked down at the girl. "You know I have to go home tonight, but I'll be back tomorrow for the weekend to play okay?" she kissed the girls head and pulled away. "Te amo, okay?" she smiled when Kayla nodded sadly and closed her eyes.

The Latina had said goodnight to Cale and put Rachel into bed before heading out and tiredly slumping in her awaiting car.

* * *

><p>Rachel couldn't sleep. She was exhausted and desperately wanted to be able to fall asleep, but she just couldn't. She sat up, moving her legs off the bed. She felt restless, like she wanted to walk or really just anything to get the achy, unsettled feeling to stop.<p>

As she stood, though, there was a soft "pop". She took a couple of steps towards the door and felt the first trickle of fluid running down her leg. She turned to the bathroom, but it was too late, water flooding down enough to puddle at her feet. She took a step and nearly slipped in the liquid, only to go down hard on one knee, crying out at the pain shooting up her leg and gripping her stomach as a hard contraction hit.

When their mother screamed, both Kayla and Cale jerked out of sleep. Both scared, they crawled out of bed and ran towards the one person who had always promised to protect them. When they found their mom lying in a puddle on her bedroom floor, tears streaking her face as the intense pain of the contractions hit her, more and more frequently now, it eroded their faith in the world a little more. They ran to her, tugging on her clothing begging her to tell them she was okay in their childish way, amniotic fluid soaking the legs of their footie pajamas.

"Call," Rachel's request of her daughter was interrupted by a rippling wave of pain, "call 911, little star. Like," she panted, her breathing fast as her body tried to cope with what was happening, "Daddy and I taught you. Tell them your baby... brother's icoming/i!"

Her features clenched as she road out another contraction, trying not to cry out and scare her babies. Cale, scared, clung to his mother's sleeve desperately, little eyes darting around the room until they fell on his mother's cell phone sitting on the bedside table. As his big sister ran for the kitchen and the house phone to call for help, he scrambled over and crawled awkwardly on the bed, reaching to get the phone off the table. Once it was in his hands, he crawled back down and looked anxiously at his mama before slipping in the closet, not wanting to get yelled at for playing with mama's toys.

Opening the phone like Santana had showed him a few days ago, he pushed and held the little button in the middle, just like she'd told him too. The phone rang and he clutched it to his ear, peeking out of the closet at his mother in agony, tears streaking his cheeks.

"Santa," he sobbed into the phone as it connected, "Santa, come ihome/i! Mama hurt! Come ihome/i!"

* * *

><p>Santana had fallen asleep with her head against the door of the car when her cellphone started blaring. She picked it up, seeing that it was Rachel.<p>

"Can't live without me? I thought I told you to sleep..." She heard a faint cry in the background. "Rach? Hun, talk to me." She asked starting to get worried, when she heard Cale's little voice.

"Cale? Baby, what's wrong? Are you okay? Talk to me." She said trying to calm the boy down. She covered the mouthpiece and leaned up to Ajay.

"Ajay! Something is wrong. We need to head back to West Orange. I'm so sorry!" She exclaimed near frantic. He nodded and turned the car around as soon as he could.

"Buddy I'm on my way, okay? I'm on my way."

* * *

><p>Cale was sobbing into the phone nearly frantic at hearing Santana's voice on the other end when the EMTs arrived, Kayla having let them in. As the two older EMTs checked on Rachel's status and prepped her for transport, the newest member of the team got tasked to handle the kids. Kayla was easy, sitting quietly in the living room clutching a pillow to her chest as she watched the door with wide eyes after he'd called the three numbers listed as "grandparents" next to the phone in the kitchen to let them know what was happening. Cale, though, was more difficult, pushing himself into the back corner of the closet and screaming that he didn't want to come out and wanting his mama and Santa.<p>

The phone had dropped to the ground as he scurried back into the closet and the EMT almost kneeled on it. When he realized what it was, he picked it up and pressed it to his ear.

"Hello?" His voice was fairly calm, though he sounded a bit harried and Cale could be heard yelling, his voice shrill with panic, in the background, "This is Conner. I'm with the West Orange First Aid Squad and we're here taking care of the mother to be. Can I ask who this is and can you tell me the name of the lady we're taking care of? Unfortunately, the children only know her as mama."

* * *

><p>Santana heard Cale sobbing in the back ground. "Cale? Hello!" She exclaimed as she heard other people's voices. When she heard the man's voice she automatically got worried. "Who the fuck is this?"<p>

When she heard that it was an EMT she sighed relived, "Rachel B... Rachel St. James. She only 8 months pregnant though!" Santana was worried now that Rachel had gone into labour early. "I'm Santana Lopez, their.. um Aunt. I'm the kids' aunt." She looked out the window as the road zipped by.

"Please tell me that they're okay? I know they're scared, please, tell me everyone's okay?"

* * *

><p>Conner nodded for a moment before realizing he was on the phone, "Everyone's fine, Ms. Lopez." He reassured, continuing to speak calmly as he could as he reached for Cale again, "Ms. St. James has gone into labour, but don't worry, my partners are loading her on the gurney now and we're gonna get her to St. Barnabas as soon as possible. The little man here though seems a bit distressed, but his grandparents are on the way and I'm sure he'll be right as rain then. In fact..." He trailed off, moving aside to let David crouch in the door and open his arms for Cale, who promptly flung himself at his grandfather, sobbing.<p>

"It looks like grandpa is here to take care of things with him. Don't worry, Ms. Lopez, we're going to take good care of your family. You can meet us at St. Barnabas. We should be there in," he glanced at his partners, who held up their hands to indicate ten minutes, "ten minutes tops."


	13. Chapter 13: Alex

**Chapter 13**

When Santana ran into St. Barnabas, she was already breathless from sprinted in her 4 inch heels. She ran over to the reception area and slammed her hand down when the receptionist didn't pay attention to her.

"Rachel St. James! I need to know where Rachel St. James is! She's having a baby." Santana exclaimed as she barked at the woman. The lady didn't jump to helping the Latina and she grabbed the phone out of the receptionist's hand and slammed it down. "_NOW_"

The woman was taken aback and quickly flipped through the computer. "She's in Maternity... floor 8 room 312." She snapped as she glared at Santana. She bolted to the elevator and tried to find Rachel's room.

Almost as soon as she came out of the elevator into the maternity ward, a nurse stood up at the desk, took one look at her harried appearance and asked the most important question, "Are you Santana Lopez? Ms. St. James just got taken into the delivery room. She was asking for you. If you're ready, we can get you scrubbed and gowned right now."

"Yes!" She exclaimed, following the nurse quickly, "Is she okay? Is the baby okay? Did something happen? Why is she in labor?" Santana asked quickly as she got handed a pair of dark scrubs and escorted to a changing room.

The nurse chuckled, used to the anxiety of new parents, "Don't worry, Ms Lopez, Ms St James is fine and the little one is doing well as well. He just got tired of waiting around and decided to pop out a bit early. It's okay, it does happen after all and we will take the best of care of both of them." She helped Santana into the gown and mask, tying them behind her, "You just calm down and go hold her hand and be the best cheerleader you can and I'm certain your baby boy will be here soon to say hello."

Santana was too frazzled to notice the intentions of the Nurse. She quickly changed not and pulled her hair back while the nurse handed her a pair of slip on shoes to wear. She got pulled into the wash room and quickly did as instructed before being brought to the delivery room. She busted through the door and saw Rachel on the bed sobbing.

"Oh _DIOS_" she cried as she saw a full on view of Rachel as the doctor checked for dilation. She made a queazy face before rushing to Rachel's side. "I'm here. I'm so sorry, Cale was so scared and I was almost home... I'm sorry I should have stayed the night!" She exclaimed in a flustered breath as she took her hand and the wet washcloth from the nurse. "I'm here. You're not alone."

Rachel turned grateful, though pained eyes to Santana, squeezing her hand, "You came... I didn't know if you would. Thank-" the rest of her words were cut off as a contraction over took her, forcing her to concentrate on her breathing.

"I think we may be having a baby here soon, ladies," the doctor smiled, looking up over the curtain at the pair, "you're fully dilated now, Ms St James, and I'm seeing signs that the head may be crowning at any minute. Are you _certain_ you don't want any pain medication? We won't be able to administer it once it starts."

"No!" Rachel gasped out, breathing fast through the pain, "no medication! Just... Just do this!" She squeezing Santana's hand hard, sobbing through another contraction.

The Latina's eyes bugged out.

She gaped for words but just let Rachel squeeze the hell out of her hand. She knew that there was a huge difference from 6 months to almost 9. But, Santana knew how much labor hurt, and the fact Rachel was doing it _without_ medication? She couldn't even understand. She looked between the mother's face to the drape where the doctors and nurses were hiding.

"B-Breathe." Santana remembered what the nurses told her when she was delivering her stillborn. She shook the thoughts of her little girl out of her head as she focused on Rachel and the little _healthy_ boy that was coming out to meet his mom. "You're gonna push and he's gonna come okay? Really fast. You can do it."

"I know," Rachel focused on breathing steadily, Santana's grip on her hand helping to steady her, "but it never comes fast, it just huuur-!"

The word trailed off in a strangled gasp as she squeezed hard on the Latina's hand, face dripping with sweat and screwed up with pain. "Okay, ladies!" The doctor seemed aggravatingly cheerful and young, "I can see the top of the head beginning to crown! Now, Ms St James, this may hurt a bit but I need you to push as hard as you can to help him out."

"Don't you talk to me about _pain_, you insufferable little boy!" Rachel yelled, her face turning red with exhaustion as she pushed turning her voice into a scream as she felt her son's head push out of her, tearing the delicate tissue between her legs.

Santana squeaked and wiped the other woman's head as she took a peek down to look at the baby. She looked like she might throw up or pass out so she quickly moved back to look at Rachel. "His head's out. One more okay? Really big." She helped push her up, holding her back up so she could push into her knees at the next contraction.

Santana saw and _heard _the baby gasp and wail a cry as he left his cozy home. Her eyes went wide. _Her_ baby didn't do that, her baby didn't look beautiful and wiggly and_ gross and soggy_ but this one... He was perfect. She sobbed happily into Rachel, overwhelmed with emotions.

"He's perfect."

The attending nurse carefully held the crying, wiggling child as the doctor carefully clamped off a section of the umbilical cord and held out a pair of scissors to Santana, "Ms Lopez, would you care to do the honors?"

Santana looked up from the wiggly baby, "What?" She asked dumbly. She looked at the happy faces of the staff in the room and back to Rachel. "I... don't think." she stumbled, "Rachel." She looked over at her pleading for her to give them the answer. But, when she saw Rachel had slumped back out of exhaustion she slowly nodded and reached a shaking hand out to grasp the scissors. She nodded as the muffled words of the doctors swam past her ears and she focused on severing the tie between mother and child. nervously she clamped down and watch the tether fall and the baby taken away to be swaddled before he was brought back to rest on Rachel's chest.

"Meet your baby boy, Rachel." A nurse smiled, placing the baby down in tightly wrapped blue blankets in his mothers arms.

Rachel blinked wearily, her arms instinctively cradling her baby boy, looking down at him with a tired smile. "Santana," she whispered, even her voice reflecting her weariness, "come look."

She carefully nudged the blue blanket away from his scrunched up, tiny red face, gently brushing a finger along his cheek. Looking up at Santana, she smiled softly, "Look at him... he's going to need you, you know. Here," she carefully held him up slightly, too tired to lift him far from her chest, "meet the newest St. James."

She moved closer to him and carefully took him into her arms. She stared down at him, his squishy face hushed in sleep. "Rae..." She choked out, her voice wavering, "He's so _warm._" She almost sounded surprised by this. She could feel his heart beating through the blanket as she held him.

"He's... Beautiful." Santana whispered as she brushed her fingertips over his forehead. _"Hola mijo. Coma estas? Te amo, te amo_ so much, little one." She whispered, looking up only when the nurse took the baby from her.

"Sorry ladies, the little man needs to go get checkout and momma here needs to get checked and into her room." Santana nodded and watched the boy get carried away from them.

While Santana was watching the nurse, Rachel's small hand slipped into hers, squeezing gently, and she looked up with a soft, grateful smile, "Thank you for being here, Santana. If Jesse couldn't be the first one to meet him, I'm so glad it was you..."

Her voice trailed off as she fell into a light exhausted sleep, her hand still lightly clasping her friend's hand. The nurse came over and placed her hand on Santana's shoulder whispering that she'd show her to the cafeteria to get some coffee while Rachel was cleaned up and checked out. The doctor smiled and reassured her that they'd good care of the little mother, changing his gloves as the tray of stitching apparatus was settled beside him.

Santana nodded slowly, leaving the room with a squeeze of Rachel's hand. As soon as she left the room, she ran to the closest bathroom, falling to her cloth covered knees and threw up everything that was in her. She heaved violently into the bowl as she tried to hold back her sobs, she was so raw. Her body felt like it was going seizure from the force of her crying and sick.

Finally, when what felt like the entire contents of her insides had made their way out; Santana sat back on her legs. She gasped trying to gain breath and calm her rapid heart rate. She sat back and wiped her mouth as she realized that she just watched her best friend give birth. She just held a baby that was less than a minute old. That wasn't hers. The differences between the two experiences were so vast that Santana realized that she never actually gave birth. She had _executed_ hers, while Rachel... she gave birth to this beautiful, wiggly baby boy. Everything was just overwhelming her.

* * *

><p>Rachel was holding the newly dubbed Alexander Jesse St. James in her arms as she leaned back in the bed, looking far more rested than she had immediately following the birth. She carefully stroked a finger along his cheek, amazed every time she looked at any of her children, but especially amazed by this one. It was like he knew she'd needed to hold him in her arms, kiss his bald little head, and he couldn't wait a moment longer. A nurse came by as she rocked her son and set the birth certificate on the side table with a smile.<p>

His name had troubled her over the week she'd sat _shiva_ for her lost husband. She'd always planned on Jesse being by her side when they decided on a name. Then she'd seen the look on Santana's face as she held him and she'd remembered talking to her friend about the little one she'd lost so many years ago and it'd clicked.

Alexander Jesse St. James.

Alexander for the baby Santana had lost and Jesse for his father that he'd never know. It was the perfect tribute, the connection of two families in one beautiful baby boy. She smiled down at him, bouncing him gently. "You're going to love your Auntie 'Tana so much, Alex," she whispered to the newborn, his cloudy blue eyes - with just a hint of green - opening to peer up at her, "That's right, little one. You can trust her. Your mama does."

Awhile later, Santana found her way back into the room. In one arm she had a small bunch of bright yellow roses and in her other hand a bag the seemed to contain three stuffed animals. She put the bag down in the chair near the door and put the flowers on the table next to the bed.

"To brighten up the room a bit." She smiled, moving closer to the bed, "You doing okay?" Santana asked, her thumb stroked sweat laden hair away from the girl's forehead.

Rachel smiled up at her, "I'm fine and so his little Alex here." She gave the baby a little bounce, causing him to gurgle slightly, "I think he knew how much his mama needed to see him." She leaned down and kissed the little boy's cheek gently, "How are you? I know you had some trepidation about joining me in the delivery room..."

Santana could hear Rachel speak. She was aware that she was asking her a question, but her eyes were focused on a slip of paper. One slip with little footprints on it and a name.

_iAlexander Jesse ./i _

She just stared at it. Her brain flashed back to the death certificate she had to sign that was printed in a very similar way.

_iAlejandra Lopez-Spencer./i _

Santana didn't know. She didn't know if it was coincidence, Alex was a common name in that regard. But, it seemed all too similar. Her big wet eyes looked up panicked at her friend.

"R-Rachel?" She asked, a waiver to her voice breaking through.

Rachel looked up from the baby with a curious expression, "Yes?" She saw her looking at the birth certificate she hadn't even realized had been left in the room. "His name?"

She felt she'd given it sufficient thought. That it was a good, strong name and that Santana would appreciate the gesture, but at the look of panic on her friend's face, she was starting to second guess herself.

"I... Santana, I thought it would be a nice gesture. I just wanted..." She chewed on her lip a moment, dropping her gaze back to the little boy in her arms who'd fallen back asleep, her shoulders slumping slightly, "I named him in honor of two wonderful people that were taken from us too soon. I'm... Santana, I'm sorry." She sounded defeated, like she thought she'd made a terrible mistake.

"I... Don't.. I don't understand." Santana struggled to find the words. She never actually dealt with her loss so having it thrown back into her face right now was just confusing to her. "W-why would you... You never even... She didn't..." The Latina didn't know what she was trying to say. She didn't know if she was trying to justify her child's death or trying to understand why someone would name a healthy baby after a dead one.

Rachel looked up again, now even more confused, "It's... what my people do, Santana. We name our children in honor of loved ones that have preceded us. And... it felt right." She worried at her lip, reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "It felt right to name him in honor of your little one that was called home too soon. To... make him part of both of our families in that way. But... I should have talked to you first, I'm... I'm so sorry."

Her head dropped again at the stinging in her eyes. She should have known that Santana wouldn't have wanted her to do that. Should have realized that she was not only walking over a line, but tossing her son across it too. All she'd wanted was for Santana to realize that she cared and she wanted her to be around to help her with the children, especially the poor little one in her arms that would never get to know his father. Now though, she just felt like the terrible hand that squeezed her heart to the point she'd felt like she was dying when she realized that Jesse was gone was coming back, slowly tightening it's grip again, her eyes burning with unshed tears.

Santana sat heavily down in the chair closest to her. "She... she was never... She wasn't alive... I named a... she was gone." Santana whimpered, "You shouldn't put that on a baby's soul." She said softly.

The Latina looked at the floor, her fingers tightly tangled into themselves as she tried to push past the lingering feeling that she was at fault for her child's death. "You shouldn't put death on an child... he's already had enough."

"Santana," Rachel whispered, reaching out for her, "it doesn't put death on him to name him in honor of those who have gone before. It connects them and it honors the ones who have died. I wanted..." she sighed softly, "I wanted him to be connected to his father and your little girl. You seem to love him already and I wanted him to have a connection to you too, but we don't name children after the living and she was the only name connected to you I knew."

She felt terrible. She hadn't wanted to make such a horrible mistake, but it appeared she had. So she cuddled Alex close and tried to hide how much it hurt to know she hurt her friend. "I'm sorry, Santana... I didn't mean to upset you. I thought you'd like it..."

"It's... not your fault." Santana whispered, "Thank you for thinking about me." she was trying very hard to push all of her emotions down. "It's okay... I... um. was taken off guard." She whispered again, "It's a good name." She said weakly.

She looked up to blink away tears. "I do love him... I just... It was..." She just stopped, "I do love him."

Rachel started to get up, then remembered she couldn't just yet, "Santana, I can't get up. Please come here." She held her hand out towards her friend, "Please?"

She got up and moved close to her. "Yeah?" She whispered, not really meeting Rachel's eyes.

Rachel reached out and took her hand, tugging her closer and placing her hand against one of Alex's tiny ones so his little fingers curled around one of her fingers. "This little boy? He will never know his father. But he will know iyou/i. You're my best friend, Santana Lopez." She looked up at Santana, smiling sadly, "You're my best friend and I want you in my life, in ihis/i life. If... if you want to be, that is. I," she sighed softly, "I don't know if I can do this alone, Santana. I don't know how..."

Her heart broke at that and she nodded as tears streamed down her face. "I'm here." She said softly. Her eyes never leaving the baby's. "I promise." Her eyes flickered up to Rachel's. "I'm just... whatever. I'll be okay." She smiled, "I'll be okay, I can't leave any of you now."

"You've let me cry on your shoulder quite a bit lately, Santana." Rachel whispered, gently stroking her friend's arm as her baby tried to suck on the tip of her finger, "It's okay if you need to be... whatever around me. I care. I'll listen. It's okay."

Santana nodded as the room slipped into the peaceful silence of a nursery, both women's attention redirected onto the baby in Rachel's arms. A few minutes later, there was a quiet knock on the door behind them that broke their focus on the tiny bundle in Rachel's arms. Before they could look up though, there was a quick flash of light and Maria smiled softly from the end of the bed, holding up the little disposable camera in her hand.

"I felt you might want a memento of this moment some day. For the little one's scrapbook, of course." She didn't comment on how close they were or the way their positions reflected those of proud new parents. Jesse had talked with her about what he thought he saw between the two of them in the last few days before he'd passed and now that she was watching, she thought she saw it too. If it wasn't for the fact that Jesse had insisted that it was okay with him, she would have protested, berated her daughter-in-law for being so disrespectful of her son. But she was the person her son chose to take care of his family. No matter how wrong she may have thought it was, she simply couldn't bring herself to disparage his memory by trying to tear the slowly building family apart again.

"And these tykes wanted to meet their brother," David's smooth baritone broke in from the door as he ushered in a wide eyed Cale and Kayla.

"Santa!" Cale's first response was to run to Santana and wrap his arms around her leg as tight as he could, "Santa, no go more. Stay, Santa, _stay!_"

Kayla was more adventurous, pulling the chair noisily over to the bedside and clambering up on it to get into the bed, scoot up beside her mother to peer at the little bundle in her arms, "He's itiny/i, Mama. Like a little doll!"

Rachel chuckled, pushing back the fold of the wrap that obscured the little boy's features, "He's a baby, sweetie. Like Cale use to be. He'll get big like you soon enough though."

At the door, Shelby lingered, her lip caught between her teeth as she looked around. She didn't know if she was truly welcome, and didn't come in any further than just inside the door. When she noticed Santana and the scrubs that indicated she'd been in the delivery room with her daughter, her jaw clenched. How idare/i that little upstart... what made her better? What made Rachel ask for the girl who had itortured/i her in high school instead of her own imother/i? She didn't understand. She didn't iwant/i to understand. She knew the kind of person Santana Lopez was, and she didn't want it influencing her grandchildren.

Santana leaned down and hoisted up the little boy. "I'm sorry buddy, but you were _so_ brave today." She smiled as she kissed his temple, "You and Kayla both!" She ruffled the little girl's hair. "Now, Caleb, time to meet your brother okay? You're the big man now so you gotta look out for him." When Cale nodded and beamed she sat him down on the edge of the bed and let him look at the baby. "This is Alex." She smiled at Rachel softly as she watched the two girls fawn over the baby.

"I gonna play wit' Alex, Mama," Cale declared, clambering into her lap, "I good big brother!"

When she heard Santana call Alex by the name she'd given him, she couldn't help but beam up at her. Carefully holding the baby out, she let Cale crawl into her lap, "He's not going to be big enough to play for a while, little man." She kissed the top of his head, settling Alex in his lap, "but I'm certain you'll be the best big brother. Just like Kayla is the best big sister, right?"

"Right, Mama! Kayla _best_!" He smiled toothily at his sister who promptly stuck her tongue out at him.

David and Maria couldn't help but laugh at the antics of the children. David leaned down to kiss his wife's head, "You know, I think they'll be okay."

"Of course they will, dear," Maria hugged him with one arm, leaning into him, "Rachel promised after all."

Shelby, finally tired of waiting around to be invited, walked up to the bedside, "Rachel," she smiled softly at her daughter, completely ignoring Santana, "can I see him?" Rachel smiled at her mother and held up her son, letting the older woman cradle him in her arms. "Oh... he's _beautiful, _ sweetheart."


	14. Chapter 14: The Offer

**Chapter 14**

It was early when Santana rolled away from the warm lump she was currently cuddling with. She blinked, she recognized that she was at home but hearing the distinct sounds of an infant crying through the mostly empty bedroom. She stretched, cracking her back painfully before rolling out of bed and moving over to the cradle. She leaned down, supporting Alex's head as she scooped him up and carried him out into the living room.

He wasn't hungry. Rachel had fed him less than two hours before, the Latina deduced as she headed out of the bedroom closing the door behind her. As she gently bounced the baby she closed the door of one of her guest room's where she had bought a simple bunk bed for Kayla and Cale to sleep in when they stayed over... which was most nights lately.

She moved to wrap herself and the baby with a blanket before sinking into her couch and settling them in so she was slightly propped up and he was cradled in her arms.

"Morning," She whispered, pressing a tiny kiss to his forehead. "You need to let your momma sleep, okay? So can you chill with me for a bit?" She smiled as he yawned. Santana played with his little hands that had the baby mittens on them. "You got little gloves baby." She cooed, "So you wont scratch your face off with your baby nails... It's okay. When you get big I'll teach you how to use these hands so you can protect yourself and your momma. You, me, Cale and Kayla are gonna protect everyone okay?" She yawned and moved him so he was resting over her heart beat as they fell back to sleep in the silent, briskness of early morning.

* * *

><p>It was a couple of hours later before Rachel woke up to the soft chirping of the alarm on her phone. She woke confused as to where she was for a moment before remembering they'd stayed the night at Santana's after Cale and Kayla had fallen asleep during the movie they'd been watching after dinner. Then, when she'd gotten upset yet iagaini about missing Jesse, Santana had convinced her to lay down with her and let her hold her while she cried. She appreciated everything the Latina was doing for her and her family, doing her best to try and make them feel like things weren't quite so bad.

Her breasts ached slightly, telling her it was time to find Alex for his morning feeding. As soon as she thought that, she realized that she'd never heard her son crying out. Curious, she slid out of bed and walked over to look in the cradle in the corner. No Alex. Then, as she looked around, she realized Santana was missing as well.

She pulled the robe she kept at Santana's due to how often they were there off the hook in the bathroom and pulled it on as she walked down the hall looking for her errant child and best friend. "Santana?" she whispered, coming out into the living room.

Walking around the couch, she finally spotted both of them and couldn't help the warm smile that slowly eased across her face at the sight. Santana was lying with her head propped up on a couple of throw pillows, one leg dangling off the edge of the couch, an arm protectively holding the infant curled up on her chest. Alex laid on her chest, one arm curled up so his mittened hand rested in a tiny fist just below his sleeping face.

They looked so adorable sleeping together, Rachel almost didn't have the heart to wake them, but Alex started stirring moments after she'd come in and she reached down to lift him off of his sleeping buddy. "Hey there, little man," she cooed, rocking him gently as she made her way over to the armchair, "are you hungry, sweetheart?" She played with his waving hands for a moment, then worked the buttons of her top loose to free a breast so he could suckle, "Breakfast time for you, then we've got to make something for everyone else, okay?"

The little boy gurgled softly as he latched onto her nipple, tiny hands cupping her breast as he sucked. She gently brushed her hand over his head, watching with a soft smile as he fed. He wasn't as hearty an eater as Cale had been, but sometimes it seemed like he got hungry more often. Either way, she enjoyed watching him and was grateful that he was strong and healthy. A fitting final tribute to his father.

Santana groaned as the warm bundle left her arms, she fumbled with her eyes closed for him. "Stay..." She groaned, before curling up totally into the couch. She was tired. Between work, with Tobias up her butt about the night after the funeral, her workload and feeling like she needed to give her all to Rachel and her family that she hadn't been sleeping well. She knew that commuting back and forth was affecting everyone. The time spent between the two homes was adding more stress to everyone's lives. Kayla had been falling asleep in her kindergarten classes, Cale was becoming more and more clingy... Santana had decided the previous night that she'd offer her home to them... if they wanted it.

Rachel couldn't help but smile as she looked over at Santana. The other woman was doing _so_ much for them that she couldn't help but feel warm gratefulness in her chest every time she looked at her. Alex finished with the one breast and she carefully moved him to the other to let him continue feeding until he was full. He was an easy child, quiet and easy going, even as young as he was. Sometimes she wondered how she would have coped without the combination of his general affability and Santana's willing assistance.

As Alex finished feeding, she tugged the cloth from the pocket of her robe to gently wipe the slight traces of milk from around his mouth and clean her breasts before tucking them back away and re buttoning her shirt. She looked at him to see if he needed burping, but he just lay there with a sleepy expression, waving his hands in her general direction. Chuckling softly, she stood and walked back over to Santana, tucking the warm little baby bundle back into her friend's arms.

"There now, sweethearts, back together," she brushed her hand gently over Alex's head as he curled back up on Santana's chest, "watch over her for me, little man. She takes care of us, you know." Alex gurgled and waved a hand at her as she leaned down to press a gentle kiss on each of the sleepers' heads before tucking her robe more securely around her and heading into the kitchen to make a breakfast of eggs and potato hash with toast for everyone.

Santana just cuddled the boy more lingering on the edge of slumber. She mumbled, _baby _softly as her eyes fluttered and kept closed. She smelled food awhile later, bringing her out of her sleep. She sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes before slipping Alex back into his cradle when she headed into her bedroom to shower and get ready to go to work. She had several meetings today, one of her artists had a Christmas album dropping soon so she was on point to try to head the press and set up all the interviews for her. She got showered and changed into a pair of skinny black jeans, a white button down and a black vest. She left her hair down with a natural wave after she put on a bit of makeup to hide the dark circles under her eyes.

"Thank god it's Friday." She whispered to herself as she headed back out to the kitchen. She leaned against the door frame. "Morning."

Rachel glanced back over her shoulder with a warm smile to see the Latina standing in the doorway. She gave the pan a quick stir, tossing the veggie and potato mixture before responding, "Good morning, Santana. Did you sleep well with our little one?" She smirked at the recollection of the little boy curled up on her best friend's chest as she cooked.

Deciding the food was finished cooking - and hearing the telltale signs of her older children rousing - she pulled a set of plates from the cabinet and began dishing food up onto them. "I made breakfast," she pointed out, holding the two plates in her hands up as she headed to the table to set them out, pausing momentarily to press a gentle kiss to the Latina's cheek as she passed her, "Scrambled eggs and potato and vegetable hash. I hope that's acceptable. Coffee is brewing as well."

Santana smiled at the kiss and nodded. "You know perfectly well that whenever my kitchen sees hot food it's a good day." She joked, poking fun at her lack of culinary abilities. "It smells great." She slid into the kitchen and poured herself a black coffee into her mug and took a log sip of it. "Mmm coffee." She moaned, as she held the hot cup in her hands.

"Did you sleep okay? I got up with Alejandro earlier so you could rest." She smiled, loving calling him by a Spanish name. After draining half her coffee she put it down and grabbed the other two plates and followed Rachel into the dining room. "Are the residents of Munchkin Land awake yet?"

Almost as soon as she finished talking two sleepy eyed, tousle headed children stumbled in. "Hungry, Mama," Cale mumbled, wandering over to Santana and hugging her leg, burying his face into it with a yawn.

Rachel chuckled softly, "Well, good morning to you too, little man. Breakfast is at the table, did the two of you wash up before coming in?"

"Morning, Mama," Kayla nodded, clambering up onto a chair, proud that she could set in a big girl chair instead of needing to be on someone's lap or in a booster seat like her little brother. "All clean. Caley didn't wanna though."

"That's why you're the big sister, little star," Rachel leaned down to kiss her daughter's head with a smile as she pushed the chair in to the table, "to take care of your little brothers. Cale? Do you want to sit with me?"

Cale shook his head, clinging to Santana's pant leg, "Wanna eat wit' Santa. Can I?" He peered up at the taller woman beseechingly.

She knew she had to leave for work. She didn't really have time to sit and have breakfast, but when she looked down at the little boy she hesitated a nod. She went back to the kitchen and grabbed her cup and sat down and picked Cale up and sat him on her lap. She pulled his plate in front of him and blew on the food so it wasn't too hot for him to eat. She leaned back slightly nursing her coffee as the family ate.

"What do you guys have planned this lovely, cold, Friday?" Santana asked as she peered over her coffee. "Do you have school today, K?" She asked.

Kayla nodded as she chewed, her mouth full. Swallowing, she nodded again, reaching for the glass of milk sitting by her plate, "Uh-huh. Gonna play with Stevie today. He's nice." She grinned over at Santana, pleased to be getting to eat breakfast with the other woman.

"I don' gots 'cool," Cale pouted, mumbling around a mouthful of potatoes.

"Cale," Rachel chided, "what have I told you about talking with your mouth full?"

Cale frowned and looked down at his plate, scraping his fork around it, "Don'..."

"That's right. It's rude and proper young men don't behave in that fashion. Santana doesn't, does she?" She wasn't above using her friend as a role model for her son - the Latina was far more appropriate and positive than that _Batman_ character after all, even if Cale did adore him.

Cale shook his head looking up at Santana, "No. I be better, Mama."

"I know you will, sweetheart. Now eat your food so Santana can leave for work," Rachel smiled gratefully over at the Latina, aware that she was putting off her busy day to sit with the little boy that needed her. "And maybe we can take lunch to her later, okay? If she doesn't mind, of course. You can call and let me know if you're too busy, Santana."

"Sounds good." She smiled and kissed the back of the boy's head. "Cale mouth closed... no exceptions." Her voice took a very parental sounding tone as she spoke, when he nodded she smiled. "Wicked." she took another sip of her coffee.

"That's awesome, Kayla." She threw over to the girl. "Stevie is the little guy with the curly hair that I met the other day when I picked you up?" Santana asked. She had picked Kayla up from school earlier in the week when Rachel had to take Alex to the doctor for his eight week check up.

Kayla nodded, a bit of milk dripping down her chin, which Rachel leaned over and wiped away almost unconsciously as she ate. "Uh-huh. That's Stevie. He thinks you're pretty, Santi."

She laughed softly, "Does he now. I mean... I could use a date, maybe I should come pick you up more often." She winked, playing with the girl.

Cale frowned thunderously at his sister, "No! Santa mine, Stevie can't have!"

Kayla pouted, "Stevie's _nice_, Caley. Stop bein' mean."

"_My_ Santa," he stood awkwardly on Santana's lap and turned around to put his arms around her neck and hug her, planting a sloppy little boy kiss on her cheek, "Not Stevie's!"

Rachel couldn't believe her children were behaving this way, a look of shock on her face, "Cale..." she started, not entirely certain how to handle this.

"Calm down, baby." She said resting her forehead on Cale's. "You know that you and Alex are the_ only _boys for me. I was just playin'." She looked into Cale's eyes. "No worries. I'm all yours, Cale. Except you have to share me with Mommy and Kayla and Alex. Can you do that?" She asked him.

He pouted but nodded, "Uh-huh. But _only_ dem, Santa." He hugged her again, "My Santa..."

Rachel sighed tiredly. Cale had been clinging to Santana more and more tightly since she'd given birth. She knew the little boy was scared by the experience - especially coming so soon after his father's passing - but she didn't know how to make anything better for him. Santana was so good with tolerating him, but she knew she couldn't rely too heavily on the other woman.

Some day - she was entirely certain of it - Santana would find someone and move on from them to start her own family. She smiled sadly at her plate as she more moved her food around than ate. It didn't do much for her appetite to think about the Latina pulling away from them someday, but she had to face the fact that she would. Her friend was a beautiful, highly successful young woman. Perhaps she'd had one poor experience with marriage already, but Rachel was certain she would find a man to be her Jesse.

At the thought of Jesse, Rachel's smile faltered. She set her fork down carefully and stood from the table, "Excuse me, please, I need to use the facilities. I'll return shortly."

She didn't want to cry in front of everyone, though she could feel the tears welling up. She quickly made her way back to the bathroom and closed the door, sliding down the wall to cry as quietly as she could. It _hurt_ thinking about him still and sometimes she just wanted to curl up and bawl, but she had to be strong for her family and avoid being too much of a burden to Santana. The other woman was her only real friend and she was depending on her help, she didn't want to risk her leaving them any sooner than she already would.

The Latina watched Rachel excuse herself with a sigh. She settled Cale back on her legs as she turned back to her coffee. "Finish your breakfast so you can get ready for school, Kayla okay?" She asked and the girl nodded eating. When she finished eating Kayla jumped down and went to go and get dressed. Santana set Cale down on the ground when he finished eating and she carefully cleaned up so she wouldn't get dirty.

"Cale? Do you wanna come to work with me tomorrow? See what it's like?" She offered, thinking that Rachel could use some alone time when Kayla headed to a birthday party for a classmate. Santana had to go to work on Saturday and she didn't want to leave Cale when she knew he looked forward to their outtings and play times on the weekend.

Cale's eyes widened, "Can I?" He all but whispered, his voice hushed with excitement, "Can I _really_?"

His mom didn't let him go with her when she had to go into the agency she worked for doing medical transcriptions, saying it wasn't a place for little boys. He'd always wanted to see what happened in the magical place called "work", but no one had ever offered before. His eyes were bright and he grinned big, clapping his hands.

"Totally." She smiled, "I have some meetings and we can be home in the afternoon... or mommy can meet us... Kayla has a birthday party tomorrow so we can hang... We can pack your batman bag with some coloring books and whatever so you wont be bored..." She offered, getting Kayla's lunch out of the fridge when she comes out in her little uniform.

"Adorable as always, K. Get your lunch in your bag I'll go find your mom." She goes and knocks on the bathroom door. "Rae?" She pushed the door open a bit and she crouched next to the crying diva. "Oh hun." She pulled her into her body and kissed her temple. "It's gonna be okay. I'm sorry, Cale shouldn't be that attached... I'll talk to him okay?"

Rachel curled against her, taking comfort in her friend's embrace even as she cried knowing that embrace wasn't the one she craved so much it was like an ache that lingered right behind her breastbone. She shook her head when Santana offered to talk to Cale, wiping at her eyes. "No... that's okay. As long as you don't mind. I just... I was thinking of Jesse."

It was a fairly minor lie, and hardly one at all since she _had _been thinking of her deceased husband, but she just didn't want to tell the other woman that she was waiting for her to pull away and find someone to make her own family with. She sighed softly, "I'm sorry, Santana. I don't mean to be a burden on you." Her shoulders slumped as she spoke - she knew she was a burden, could see it in how tired the other woman kept getting day after day.

"You're not." She whispered, running her hand up and down Rachel's back. "I promise, you're not. I love being with you guys, you know that. I'm.. I'm just not used to _not _being selfish. I spent a long time doing everything for myself and now I like doing everything I can for you guys." She smiled, kissing Rachel's head. "Please never think that I don't wanna be here."

"You will though when you find someone," Rachel whispered, barely loud enough to hear herself, let alone for Santana to understand her. She sighed, straightening and wiping off the last of the tears. She wouldn't let herself admit how much the soft press of lips to her head had calmed her or how much the other woman's words had been a balm of reassurance to her fears. "I like that you're doing so much for us, Santana, but... you don't have to. I can see how tired you are," she reached up, gently brushing her fingers over the other woman's cheek, "If us being here is wearing you down so much... I don't want to mess up our friendship by relying on you too much."

Her head shook, "It's not you, I promise. It's work... It's kicking my ass... It's..." she didn't want to say commuting because that would make her feel bad. "I think we should schedule what days you wanna stay where. I mean I _love_ you guys here and I wish it was all the time but I should know what days you wanna go to your real home so I can tell Ajay and schedule meetings later." She pushed some of Rachel's hair back. "Okay? Don't fret... Wash your face and I can drop Kayla off at school and you can be with your boys today."

Rachel stood with a sigh, moving to the sink to wash her face, "It's not a home. It's just a house without Jesse. It's not even ours, just a rental property." She wasn't about to admit how late she was having to work each night to have the money to pay the rent each month, "You're right though. We shouldn't be here so much... shouldn't ask so much of you."

The thought of not having the Latina around made the constant dull ache in her chest from losing Jesse hurt a little more and she had to struggle not to start crying again. She turned the water on and splashed her face to try and disguise it. Of course, she thought, their being there so often was probably wrecking absolute havoc on her schedule. And the way she was _crying _all the time? She sighed softly into the towel as she dried her face. She knew Santana was only being so kind because she felt pity for the bereft family and their pathetically broken mother.

"Then you'll move in here." She said without even a second thought. "I've wanted to ask you for a few weeks now. Just move in here. I have three bedroom's... Kayla can have her own and the boys can share when Alex gets bigger." She hadn't even noticed that she was insinuating that Rachel would share the master bedroom with her. "I really think it would be good." She smiled, grabbing her tooth brush and quickly brushing her teeth. She rinsed her mouth, "Think about it today, okay? Just think about it."

Rachel could only stare at Santana, her jaw dropping in shock. "M-move? _Here?_ Santana, that's too much! I... we _can't _do that to you! You... you need your space and," her shoulders dropped, "where will we go when you find someone?"

She'd said it, admitting her fears. Admitting that she was afraid of them growing to be too dependent on the Latina and her generosity only to collapse when it wasn't there any longer. She couldn't look at Santana, scared of seeing the other woman's reaction, her eyes dropping to the sink, cleaning it and turning the water off.

"I'm not." She said. She was more than convinced that she wasn't gonna be in another relationship again so she was comfortable assuring Rachel this. "I want you here. I want the kids here. I mean, if you don't want to... I understand. I'm just saying. If you want an extra set of hands... If you want someone to tell you when you're being crazy..." She shrugged, straightening out her vest. "I want to do that." She heard the kids yelling and she sent a smiled to Rachel. "We can talk more when I get home okay?"

Rachel looked up with a tentative smile. She knew Santana was being ridiculous, easily assuming she'd never fall for anyone else, never want a family of her own. But she was willing to accept it for now. "Okay. I... I'll think about it," she didn't want to say no, but she was scared to say yes and have everything fall apart again.

She didn't want Kayla and the boys to become attached to Santana, to see her as another parent, if the Latina was going to leave. She didn't have any hold on the other woman and she knew that the pity inspiring such generosity couldn't last forever, but she ineeded/i the other woman in her life with Jesse gone. So she nodded and smiled hesitantly, "I'll think about it. Now go before you're any later than you already are."

The kiss to a tanned cheek wasn't even thought about. She'd just reacted, used to casual contact of that nature with her family. As soon as she'd done it, she pulled back, a slight blush coloring her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'll try to avoid taking such liberties in the future. But you should go. It's nearly nine. The boys and I will stop by your office and bring you a homemade lunch around one if you'd like."

Santana smiled, and looked down bashfully. "It's cool, I'll see you later." She quickly left the bathroom and grabbed her bag and helped Kayla on with jacket. "Alright, loves, we must leave you all now." She smiled kissing Cale's head as he played with his Batman figures in what he deemed as ihis/i toy corner. "Hasta Luego!" Santana called as she swung Kayla's hand when it joined her as they headed out of the brownstone.


	15. Chapter 15: Work day

**Chapter 15**

One in the afternoon found Rachel walking into the office building where Santana's office was located, Cale clinging to her hand and looking around with big eyes while sucking on a finger and Alex snug in his baby sling against her chest sleeping. In her free hand, she carried a cloth bag where she'd tucked away enough food for the little family and Santana to have lunch. She walked up to the receptionist after they got off the elevator on Santana's floor and smiled at the young lady sitting behind the desk.

"Hello, we're here to see Santana Lopez-Spencer," she put on her best, most charming smile, "I believe she's expecting us."

The woman looked up with a professional smile but eyes that just shouted her extreme disinterest, "Your name?"

"Rachel St. James," Rachel resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the woman, fully aware that Santana would have told her to expect them. "We're meeting her for lunch."

The woman perused her screen for a few moments before turning back to the little family with a carefully apologetic smile, "I'm sorry, but I don't seem to have any appointments for a Rachel St. James with Ms. Lopez-Spencer. Perhaps you got the date wrong?"

Rachel's smile went cold and she leaned towards the woman, "Miss, I might suggest that you _call_, Ms. Lopez-Spencer and _verify _that information before I find myself needing to_ inform _her of your dismissal of us when she _comes home_ tonight."

Santana was sitting on the edge of her desk. She was looking at the floor while Tobias stood in front of her. He looked like he was yelling, but nothing could be heard through the glass of her office walls. She didn't look happy - he was mad because she was late _again_, none of her work was slacking off but selfishly he wanted her around and didn't like the idea of her moving on from him, and he _really _didn't like the idea of her with someone _else's _children.

"Mama, Santa!" Cale cried, pulling away from her hand and pointing at the glass wall of Santana's office off to the side.

"Cale, don't," Rachel called out, grabbing for him, but he'd already darted out of reach. Her eyes widened when she looked up and saw the older man looming over Santana, a frown forming on her face when she noticed he was obviously yelling.

Cale dodged past the receptionist's attempt to grab him and down the hall, reaching up and pulling the door to Santana's office open, "Santa!" He cried, wrapping his fingers around the door and pulling it open enough so he could get inside, "You leave my Santa 'lone, big meanie!"

Santana's head snapped up when she heard Cale's voice. She opened her mouth to speak but Tobias jumped to it first.

"Are you kidding me?" He muttered as he ran a hand over his worn face. He shook the fact he was mad at Santana off as he turned to the boy who was now clutching Santana's pants and glaring up at the man. "I'm not being mean, _buddy.._" He exclaimed, slathering on his charm which made Santana cringe. "I was just talking to your _Santa_ here. We're old friends and we were talking about _grown-up _things."

Santana leaned down and picked Cale up, holding him close as she tried to ignore and push aside the words her ex had just yelled at her. "Did you drive her buddy?" she joked, "Hop a cab? Or did you just walk." He giggled and hid his face in her hair. She smiled when she saw Rachel and Alex coming down the hall.

"Tobias Spencer... meet Rachel St. James and her children Caleb and Alexander." She looked down when she said Alex's name knowing, just knowing he'd know the reason why he held that name.

"_Alex..._" he gulped as he stared at his ex-wife.

"Yes, _Alex_," Rachel's voice was cold and her expression stern as she pushed the door open, "And may I ask what _possible _professional purpose could you have for yelling at Santana in such a visibly degrading fashion, _sir?_ The manner in which business seems to be conducted here seems _highly_ suspect, your pardon for saying so, Santana, as I am certain your business acumen is more than sufficient to make up for the spurious behaviors of your associates."

"Look, _princess,_" Tobias hisses, not really interested in dealing with Rachel right now. "Don't get involved with things you don't understand. Why don't you and your _children_ go wait in the lobby until I'm done speaking to my Business Partner and _wife._"

Santana pulled Cale away so he didn't pay attention to what was going on. She was showing him the Batman picture he colored and the Jasmine picture Kayla had colored for her that hung on the side of her filing cabinet.

"Your _wife?_" Rachel raised a disbelieving brow, "I'm sorry, I hadn't received an invitation to Santana's wedding. Oh, that's right, she's _not_ married. She's _divorced._ Perhaps you've heard of the legal arrangement which _severs _the ties of marriage. The one which _removes_ your right to refer to her as your _wife_?" Her brown eyes flashed with anger at this man daring to assume rights with her best friend that he was no longer entitled to, "Yes, that would be _divorce. _Which the two of you _are_. And do you regularly refer to women you have only just met as _princess_? Didn't your mother teach you any manners at all? That is hardly an acceptable manner of addressing a woman or a mother, of which I am both."

Cale gave half of his attention to the pictures that Santana had decorated her office with and half to looking over her shoulder watching his mother with a worried frown.

"Isn't that convent for you..." He snapped crossing his arms and looking back to Santana. "San. You're friend is protective." he was trying to allude to something, but she wasn't understanding through her anger.

Santana blinked, "Rachel." She snapped, "Please... It's fine..." she tried to gather herself." Tobias... seriously go be a douche somewhere else. I'm on my lunch, I suggest you go and find your assistant and decide what you want to do about those clients you piss... annoyed this morning."

Rachel huffed and cradled her youngest son to her chest in lieu of crossing her arms, but her glare spoke volumes. She had decided right then and there that she did not care for Tobias Spencer in the slightest. And she _especially_ did not care for how he talked to her best friend. She bristled silently at him like a small irritated kitten as he stormed out of the room, coming over to set the bag of food she'd spent the morning cooking with Cale's "help" on Santana's desk.

"My apologies for interfering, Santana, but I'm afraid I have developed an innate dislike for that man. You didn't truly marry him, did you?" She shook her head in disbelief as she unpacked the containers of vegetarian spaghetti, tossed salad, and garlic bread, "He must have been certainly appealing when you were younger to be able to get you to agree to wed him, let alone stay as long as you did."

She fixed a plate for Cale and set it on the little coffee table for him once he wiggled down from Santana's arms and sat down beside it on the floor. "Little table like me, Mama!"

Rachel chuckled, ruffling his hair, "That's right, little man, try not to make too big a mess okay?" She carefully gathered all the magazines off of the coffee table just in case, heading back to fix plates for here and Santana, "He has been so excited to come see you at work, Santana. I believe he may just idolize you a bit." She smiled at her, unhooking Alex's sling from her body and holding him carefully out to the only other adult he'd really taken too, "This little man missed you too if you'd like to hold him while I fix out lunches up?"

Santana beamed as she took the baby and cradled him in her arms. "Hi hijo." She smiled kissing his face. "Ugh. I missed him so much, all of you." She smiled leaning over and kissing Rachel's cheek after she took the child. "Thank you for standing up for me to him... but he's not normally like that. He's... he's angry today and I pissed him off... It's complicated. He... he wants to get back together." Santana sighed as she focused on the infant.

"He doesn't want to be alone and doesn't get that I don't love him anymore..." She looked up at Rachel. "He was also taken aback... I didn't tell him what we named Alex." she bit her lip, bouncing slightly.

"Taken aback or not, that was simply no way for a gentleman to behave," Rachel didn't even notice the slip indicating they'd named her youngest together. As far as she was concerned, they had. She never would have thought of naming him Alexander if it hadn't been for hearing about Santana's poor little girl, after all. "If he doesn't wish to be alone, then he should move on and find someone more suited to him. I imagine it would be exceedingly difficult as I can't imagine you being a particularly easy person to get over, but he is a grown man and should be capable of the effort if he applies himself."

She shrugged as she popped a carrot into her mouth. "I... I don't know. I know it hurts him to see me happy... to see me around children when I wouldn't even talk to him about them after..." She stopped and looked down and gazed at the baby in her arms. "I just didn't wanna have kids with him after _her._" Santana knew she should tell Rachel that is was her own fault that he was more forceful that normal. That after Jesse's funeral, Tobias found her in a bar close to her brownstone drunk and they slept together. Santana just didn't want to disappoint Rachel by telling her that, or showing that she was human.

Alex woke up before Rachel could respond, looking around with a confused face for a moment and looking for a second as if he wanted to be fussy. Then something about the person holding him made itself clear that he was in Santana's arms and he cooed happily reaching up to pat her face with a happy smile and gurgle laugh. Rachel chuckled, finishing dishing up their meals, "I believe I did let you know that he missed you, didn't I?" She set Santana's plate down in front of her with a smile, "Can you handle him or would you like me to take him back so you can eat? But honestly, I can't blame you for being wary after a traumatic experience like what you went through. If he couldn't even be man enough to properly discuss or be there for you, then he shouldn't be surprised when you don't want to risk experiencing something like that again."

"We can stop talking about him now." She asked quietly, as she moved to sit down on the floor resting the baby in the crook of her right arm. "Mine!" She exclaimed as she pouted as Rachel asked if she could take him back. "You _always_ get him." She said, as she looked up to Rachel with sad, pouty looks. "I can hold him and eat." She nodded, acting more like one of the kids than the put together woman that she presented herself as.

Rachel just picked up her plate and sat down across from Santana with a soft chuckle, "Okay, okay, I believe you. Though you have this interesting habit of stealing him away while I'm sleeping." She laughed quietly watching her youngest son playing with her best friend's hair and face while her oldest son snuggled into the woman's side as he nibbled on his garlic bread, "If I hadn't been the one to experience their births I'd wonder whose children they really were sometimes. You have completely stolen the hearts of the men in my life haven't you?"

"They needs to brown up a bit to be mines." She stuck her tongue out at her friend. "It's just that i'm new and shiny... and I smell like old spice and vanilla. Boys like that cuz it smells like girl and boy and they're little senses get pleased." She kissed Cale's head and ate her salad. "This is really good." she munched silently, looking behind Rachel's head to see Tobias shaking his head and going back into his office. "Is it okay if Cale comes in with me tomorrow? I Kayla has that birthday party and I think you and Alejandro could use some baby and mommy time... Plus," she whispered to the boy. "We needz to do some Hanukkah shopping." Before looking up and beaming at Rachel. "You also need to make your decision, mama'..."

Rachel smiled softly and nibbled at her spaghetti, "I don't mind as long as you don't. I'm sure you'll take good care of him and Cale will listen to you and do as you say, right Cale?"

Cale nodded almost frantically, excited to be getting the chance to spend the day with just him and his favorite person. Remembering his admonishment from breakfast, he chewed carefully and swallow before speaking, "I be good, Mama! Wanna go with Santa." He beamed up at the Latina with a face covered in spaghetti sauce.

"He's a handful, that one, you'll have your work cut out for you, but if you're up to it, I think I can manage with just me and Alex for a day." Rachel smiled over at her, passing the napkins she'd packed especially for Cale. She sighed softly as she realized what decision Santana was referring to, "I know I do, Santana, I just... Need more time to think it over, okay? It's a terribly big step after all and I don't want to disrupt their lives anymore than I must..."

"I know." She nodded, eating a bit of the pasta. "I'm not pressuring you.. i promise." she assured her as she readjusted the infant when she couldn't eat anymore. "Cale's gonna be my deal closer. He's gonna become my assistant before the age of 5." She laid back against Rachel's leg lifting the baby into the air. "Super baby!" she smiled as she flew Alex to Rachel to give her sloppy baby kisses. "He's a flying fish."

"You are never going to surrender that infernal nickname are you?" Rachel asked with a laugh and shake of her head as Alex laughed and burgled his happiness with San playing with him. She combed her fingers through dark hair feeling strangely contented in that moment though the painful ache of Jesse's loss was still a very present thing in her life.

Cale barely submitted to Rachel's hasty scrubbing of his hands and face before he clambered into Santana's lap, all but straddling her stomach and clapping his hands, "I gonna be Santa's 'sistant, Mama! I big boy an' help lots an' lots." He nodded with a serious expression on his chubby little face.

"That's right." She smiled, "I gots myself a free assistant." she smiled, closing her eyes at the feeling of Rachel's fingers in her hair. "Feel's good." she murmured as she tilted her head and sighed softly.

Rachel hummed softly, smiling contentedly at the interactions of Santana and her boys, the only thing missing being Kayla who was still at school. "I'm glad you like it, but I'm afraid that if I were to continue, you'd fall asleep on your office floor which I highly doubt would do good things for your back, sweetheart." She leaned down and gave Santana a quick buss on her forehead the same as she would one of her children.

She groaned and her eyes flickered open. They locked with Rachel's and she couldn't pull away. She felt something that she couldn't put her finger on, that she _wouldn't_ let herself feel for the mother, her friend... but... it was moments like this when it was becoming harder to hide from herself.

Rachel smiled down at the woman whose head rested in her lap, "Don't look so shocked, Santana. I've heard your back pop when you get up and combing their hair like this puts the children right to sleep. It's not a very difficult logical assumption to make that it would do the same for you as tired as you are lately." There was a tiny flash of pain in her eyes as she said that - feeling that it was her and her children causing that drained weariness in the Latina's demeanor.

"Mmm." She smiled, nuzzling the baby in her arms. "I should go back to work." She said with a slight pout pulling at her lips. "I don't wanna be a grown up. Can the babies and I have nap time." She let her eyes close and she kissed the baby's crown. "I think that nap time is better than work."

"Mmhmm, I just bet you do," Rachel chuckled softly, "but if you take a nap now it will be even longer before you can head home. Perhaps if I were to promise the children and I will be there waiting for you with dinner when you arrive home, it would serve as impetus to finish your tasks quickly?"

She carefully coaxed a stray lock of dark hair back behind a tanned ear, "If it would sweeten the deal, I could offer cuddles with the boys as well. They do love being close to you, right, Cale?"

Cale nodded, bouncing on Santana's lap, "Uh-huh, love my Santa lots an lots, Mama."

"Love you too, Cale." She smiled, her arm not holding the baby came to his hip and held him still. She eyes opened slowly. "Fine... I want cuddles. Hardcore cuddles. Baby cuddles." She said as she moved to sit up kiss Cale's head. She popped her back and rotated a bit to hand Rachel the infant before she moved Cale to the couch and stood up. She picked up her plate and carefully bundled the rest of the food up and put it away into the bag it came from.

"Lunch was lovely, Rachel." She threw over her shoulder, as she picked up her phone and scrolled through the emails she missed through lunch. "Ugh... Balls." she groaned as she read some of the messages. "I might be a little bit late."

Rachel tidied up the area they ate in, removing the tiny traces of a child eating, "Language, Santana, there are children present. And it is your home, we're simply your guests tonight. I'll make lasagna, it'll be good even reheated that way," she came over and gathered her bag before tucking her gurgly son back into his sling and rising on tiptoes to kiss Santana's cheek, "Thank you for letting us come distract you at lunch, Santana."

She leaned down and picked up Cale, lifting him so he could plant a wet little kiss to Santana's cheek too, "Bye, Santa. Come cuddle when you home, kay?"

"I promise buddy." She smiled and kissed his nose then Alex's then Rachel's. "Bye little munchkin family." She joked as she sat back down in her chair with a loud grumble. She watched as they left the office and headed to the elevator. Santana recognized that her feelings were growing but she didn't know how to understand them. She had only felt, ithese/i feeling for one other woman in her life. iBrittany/i.

She decided to just focus, she threw herself into her work for the rest of the day.

hr

Rachel and the children headed back to Santana's townhouse, picking up Kayla and making a stop at the grocery store for some needed food and supplies that the Latina didn't keep on hand. She grimaced slightly, not wanting to alarm the children, as she noted the balance in her checkbook. Barely enough to cover rent. Things had gotten tighter without Jesse bringing in a second paycheck, but they had gotten tighter yet after he died and funeral costs had been added to the mounting medical debt. Then Alex had been born, adding yet another financial strain.

Jesse had had a life insurance policy, a fairly good one, but she didn't want to touch it. They'd talked about it, her and Jesse, when he had originally gotten the policy while she was pregnant with Kayla. The money was to provide an education for the children if the worst happened to him and now that it had she was determined to preserve his legacy as best she could.

Heading back to the brownstone, she'd set Cale playing while Kayla practiced her letters at the kitchen table and Alex was put down for a nap. She worked diligently at the lasagna, making the sauce from scratch and carefully layering the pan before setting it in the oven to bake. She wanted to make up for any awkwardness she may have caused between Santana and her ex-husband as well as thank her for how much she had been doing for the little family.

An hour later, she pulled the lasagna out and fed the children. Santana hadn't come home yet and she found herself caught between checking the front door every fifteen minutes and anxiously checking her phone for messages. But there was no friendly smile at the door, no messages ever lit up her phone.

She fretted that something terrible had happened as she gave the children their bath. Wondered if she would ever know if it had as she readied them for bed and tucked them in. When Cale asked mournfully where his Santa was, she smiled and reassured him that she must have gotten caught at work, kissing his forehead and hoping it was true.

At ten at night, she found herself on the couch, her phone in her hands, worriedly waiting for her best friend to come home. By eleven, she'd left no less than fifteen worried messages and nearly twice as many texts. By eleven thirty, she'd gotten Alex who'd been fussing and fallen into a troubled slumber, cradling him against her chest as she stretched out on the couch. But Santana still hadn't come home.

hr

Santana had run herself ragged all day, since lunched she didn't stop with out a break until her assistant told her it was close to 10pm. Santana sighed, and got up taking another fifteen minutes to go to get all her things for the weekend and head out to the car. Ajay asked if she wanted to go home, but the aching in her body, and rapidness of her thoughts told her that she should work some of her aggression off. He pulled into the exclusive gym she was a member of that was open twenty-four hours day. She went in and sprinted for 45 minutes before her ankle rolled and she limped back out to her car.

At ten to twelve she limped into the house, sighing when she saw Rachel hunkered down on the couch with Alex. She carefully picked up the baby and put him to bed in the master bedroom before checking on the little kids. She re-tucked both of them in and kissed Kayla's head, "night star." she whispered before kneeling down to see Caleb looking at her with his hazel eyes. "Hey little man." She smiled, "You should be sleeping." He nodded and sat up and hugged her tightly,

"Santa. No come cuddle." He grumbled his voice full of sleep.

"I know. I'm so sorry. Come cuddle when you wake up in the morning okay?" He nodded and leaned back and fell asleep. Santana kissed him and headed back out to the living room to gather up the sleeping woman on her couch.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, holding the girl as she brought her into the bedroom and laid her down in the bed. She sat down next to her and ran her fingers through the mother's hair. "I'm sorry i'm late. I'm sorry." She got out of her workout clothing and slid behind Rachel in her bed.

Rachel barely stirred she was so tired. As soon as the vanilla tinged scent of Old Spice - so similar to Jesse - hit her nose, she relaxed into the strong arms carrying her. Her dreams were a confusing tangle, chasing after someone who sometimes looked like Jesse, but sometimes like her best friend.

When Santana snuggled in behind her, she unconsciously wiggled back into the warmth of her body. She continued fidgeting every couple of seconds, lost in her restless dream until Santana's slender arm settled around her waist. Within moments, she quieted, a soft almost relieved sigh that sounded almost like Santana's name leaving her lips as she settled into a more peaceful sleep.

Santana sighed when she heard Rachel's faint voice. She carefully took her position behind her and covered them up to protect from the nightly draft in the old building. She slowly fell sleep with the last utterance of _I can't fall for you_ falling off her lips.


	16. Chapter 16: Fight

**Chapter 16**

Rachel stood in the door, waving at her children as they drove off with David and Maria. It was strange not having even Alex around. She turned back to the house, closing the door and leaning against it with a soft sigh. It was too quiet without anyone else around.

For a bit, she puttered around the house, straightening up things, carefully arranging her bills on the desk beside her work schedule. The rent was due next week and with her lease expired she was afraid the landlord would raise it again like he had when Cale was born. It was already hard to make ends meet when it was the price it was. If it raised, she wasn't quite sure what she would do.

Setting the reminder to send the rent check in on top of the bill stack, she carefully penciled in a reminder to ask again about more work. Things were dropping off and she simply couldn't afford it. It wasn't her fault the voice recognition programs were becoming better, or that more doctors and others who once relied on transcriptionists were now doing their own transcription work or having computers handle it.

She sighed as she set the pen down on top of her schedule, rubbing her forehead for a moment before glancing at the phone. Part of her wanted to call Santana, but another part kept reminding her how the Latina was pulling away. She was always there for the children - a fact Rachel was inherently grateful for - but the young mother was starting to get the feeling that she preferred only being around her when the children were there as well. It made her heart ache in her chest to think that she was losing the friendship that had come to mean so much to her, but she didn't know how to hold onto it.

She chewed her lip as she debated with herself over calling the other woman. She would appreciate the company, but she was afraid if it was just her, then she would find some excuse not to come. And Rachel wasn't entirely certain she'd be able to handle it if she was confronted with seeming proof that the Latina didn't want to be around her. So she argued with herself and her hand wavered from reaching for the phone and continuing to hang at her side.

Finally, when the silence in the little house became unbearable, her loneliness won out and she reached for it and hit the speed dial for Santana's mobile. Listening to the phone ring, she hoped her fears wouldn't be realized. Hoped their friendship was still as strong as it was. That it was more than just her children and the Latina's obvious love for them. She sighed softly, tiredly.

"Hello, Santana?" She tried to mask the uncertainty from her voice as she asked, "I'm sorry to bother you, I know we're not scheduled to spend time together today, but Jesse's parents just picked up the children for several hours and, I'm... well, I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me?"

hr

Santana was in the middle of running on her treadmill when she felt her phone vibrate. She quickly pressed the hands free device attached to her ear as she kept her pace. "Lopez?" She answered. Her heart skipped a half beat when she heard Rachel's voice on the other end, she listened as the woman asked her to come over, to have dinner, without the children. She struggled for a moment deciding whether or not she could even handle such a thing right now.

The last few weeks had been painful to say the least, Rachel and the kids had spent 5 out of 7 nights at her townhouse. This also meant five days in a row Santana woke up to the warm embrace of the other woman. She couldn't pinpoint when her feelings changed, or _how_ they had changed. All she knew was every time she thought about Rachel her stomach jumped. She sighed a bit and realized she had to answer.

"Sure. I'll leave now." She exclaimed before hanging up and getting off the treadmill. Once showered and dressed in a simple pair of yoga pants and a her college shirt she headed to West Orange. Her leg bounced out of nerves the entire ride and she kept her eyes fixated on her ipad completing work that she was neglecting tonight. When they pulled up, she thanked Ajay and jumped out heading to the door. She pushed it open, using the key that had been given to her and called out for the young mother.

"Rachel?"

Rachel had been completing a simple dish of spaghetti squash and sauteed vegetables when she heard the door open and her name called. "In the kitchen, Santana."

She couldn't help the little smile that curled her lips or the warm feeling in her chest at the sound of her best friend coming in. She appreciated the fact that she wasn't alone in the house anymore and that her fears hadn't gained anymore ground when the other woman had agreed to come all the way to West Orange to have dinner with her. With _just _her. Not her children. She loved her children, they were her whole world, but she wanted Santana to want to be _her_ friend. Not just theirs.

"Hi there," she smiled at the Latina as she turned around with the bowl of squash and veggies, heading across the room to the small kitchen table where place setting had been laid out, "I'm glad you decided to come, Santana. It was more than a little lonely without the children here to fill the house with their noise. And I appreciate the company."

Santana came in after shedding her shoes and coat, she played nervously with the edge of the long messy braid that hung over her shoulder. "No worries. I wasn't doing anything really tonight anyway." She offered with a smile, "Plus, I like when you cook." She leaned against the door frame. "Can I help with anything?"

"Get the garlic bread out of the oven?" Rachel asked, nodding towards the white stove as she set the bowl down on the table. "You still know where the pot holders are right? What would you like to drink? We have juice, tea, coffee, water, milk..."

"Coffee would be amazing." Santana exclaimed as she went to the drawer near the fridge and grabbed the potholders and slid them onto her hands. She leaned over and opened the oven and pulled out the garlic bread and set it on the cutting board. She turned off the oven and pulled the potholders off and threw them back into the drawer. When de-gloved, she grabbed the knife and cut the bread and slid it on the a plate and took it over to the table. "Garlic bread, done." She said brushing her hands on the dish towel.

"Today has been a headache all around." She said conversationally, "The kids are okay? The in-laws took them out? That's nice of them."

"The kids are great, as you well know having seen them just the other day," Rachel set the coffee to brewing - making it extra strong the way Santana preferred without even thinking about it - as she spoke, "Mmmhmm, it was. But I think they feel guilty about not being around more when Jesse was still alive. They shouldn't though," she added, setting a tea bag to steep in a mug of hot water for herself, "it's not their fault they still live in Ohio. That's where their life is, just as Jesse and my life was here. Now," she smiled sadly down at the mug, "it's just hard to see _where_ my life is. Wherever the children are, I suppose."

The coffee finished perking and she pulled down another mug, pouring it for Santana and fixing it the way she'd noticed the other woman preferred for her before carrying both mugs over to the table and sitting down across from her. She carefully dished up two platefuls of the still quite hot food, "So how are you? I didn't take you away from anything important did I?" She bit her lip, worriedly thinking perhaps she had, "I'm terribly sorry if I did. I truly didn't mean to..."

Santana took a long sip of her coffee. "mmm... Coffee." She moaned softly, "They seem like nice people... I mean from what I've seen of them." She offered a slight shrug, "I haven't been back to Lima in like forever. My dad moved to Texas to live closer to my brother when I graduated." Santana offered up a little bit more about her family life, knowing that she never talked about it with her before.

She spun her squash on her fork and blew on it to cool it down before taking a small bite. "Tasty." She said once she finished chewing. "You didn't pull me away from anything more than falling asleep at my desk to get woken up by the janitor... _again._" She smiled a little bit, "I'm just trying to get this deal settled for one of my artists' albums, it's kinda a mess. I might have to go to LA to do it in person."

"Oh, really?" Rachel smiled a bit awkwardly, dropping her attention to her plate to eat for a moment, not liking the idea of Santana being on the other side of the country, "Well, I'm entirely certain that you'll be able to handle it. Your artists must be very lucky to have someone so determined on their side. I..." She stopped herself by eating a mouthful of pasta, "The children will miss you if you have to go to LA, of course."

She was struck by the urge to not tell the other woman that she'd miss her too. That she had to let go if she wanted to keep their friendship. She'd already been trying to cut back on their staying over at the other woman's house so often - much to the boys' displeasure. All she could see, all she could _feel_, was Santana pulling back from them and it hurt. It felt like the beginning of an end she didn't want to have occur and she was trying everything she could think of to keep it from coming about.

"It would only be for a few day's..." Santana said softly, "But I'll miss all three of them, and you too." She looked at her cup. They ate silently for a few minutes, not sure whether or not to keep talking. "She's, she's a young artist... needs someone to kick down the doors against the asshole dudes who run the R&B industry."

She ate a bit more and leaned back to drink to coffee. "Rachel? Have you decided on whether you guys are gonna move to the city or not? I mean, like. Kayla's school is there... Caleb is starting after the holiday's on half days everyday... You all can have your own rooms..."

Rachel sighed, distracting herself by eating for a little bit before responding, "I don't know, Santana. Living in the city is just so expensive." Her fork scratched against her plate as she twirled the strands of squash around the tines, "I don't know if I'd be able to afford it, to be honest. Not with both of them in school in the city."

She hadn't thought about Cale starting kindergarten soon. The thought of the extra cost drug a soft sigh from her, though she tried to cover it up by eating. She knew that Santana was aware things were tight financially for the little family, but she didn't want her to know ihow/i tight they were.

Santana was confused, "Afford?" She thought the understanding that they could live with her was something that Rachel understood. "No... I thought. You can live with me? I have the room. The townhouse is paid for... I mean... I thought that's what we talked about." Santana stated as she got up and poured herself more coffee and refilled Rachel's mug of tea. "You don't want... You don't want to stay with me?"

Rachel didn't like the way the hurt and confusion in Santana's voice made her heart clench, "I... Santana, that's not it. It's just," she shook her head, pushing her food around her plate, "you're hardly ever there." Her voice softened, "I... I'm afraid I've rather gotten the feeling you don't wish to be around me very much and I'd hate to impose any more than I already do."

"I was fairly surprised you'd want to come and have dinner with me tonight, after all," she smiled awkwardly and dropped her eyes back to her plate, "since the children aren't here and all. It's obvious you love being around them and I wasn't sure you'd want to be here without them."

_How do you explain that you're having a hard time being around your best friend because your feeling are becoming more than friendly?_ Santana thought as she leaned back against the counter. "I do love them." She whispered softly, "But, you guys come as a package. I care about you too, Rachel. You're the only person in my life that actually gives a shit." She sighed and looked down into her cup.

"It's not you... I promise. I'm just trying to... I'm just stressed with work. I want you all around."

Rachel nodded, accepting the words as they were and not asking for anything else - even if she did feel like it was an excuse, a platitude designed to reassure while not admitting to the truth. "Okay... but I still don't know. This house is all they've known. I don't know if I can just uproot them and ask them to go live somewhere else." She shook her head and shrugged, finishing her dinner, "I just don't know."

She stood and began gathering the plates and things once Santana indicated she'd finished eating, "You can go out into the other room and see if you can find a movie or something on the television for us to watch if you'd like. I just want to clean these up." Just as she'd lifted the plates off the table, she hesitated, "That is... I mean, if you want to stay. You don't have to - you needn't feel obligated towards me at all, Santana, I assure you that you've been more than gracious - if you don't want to or have something else you need to attend to."

She continued to the sink, placing the dishes in and turning on the water and beginning to rinse them in preparation for washing. A part of her just waited for Santana to make her excuses and head for the door. Jesse was the only one who wasn't her children who'd just wanted to be with _her_, no ulterior motives or hidden agendas. She didn't really expect Santana to be like him or expect her to stay.

Santana sighed and picked up her cup. "Okay. I'll find something for us to watch." She headed out to the living room. After picking up _Across The Universe_, she set about picking up the children's toys from the floor. She spent the better part of 20 minutes picking up and putting things away. After grabbing the colouring supplies that had landed on the floor and bundling them up on the cluttered desk she went about sorting the papers. That's when she saw the stack of bills. "_Fuck_," she exclaimed seeing how much rent was due and how much money her friend owed.

"Santana, _language!_" Rachel called, walking in with a fresh carafe of coffee on a tray with cream and sugar, the chide more a force of habit of having the children around then any offense being caused, "Why are you so upset anyway?"

Then she saw the bills in Santana's hands and the color faded from her face. "Oh," she carefully placed the tray down on the coffee table and walked over, gently pulling the bills from the other woman's hand and carefully stowing them in their drawer, "I forgot those were left out. My apologies."

She was trying very hard to not react in a more panicked fashion to Santana discovering how much she owed various people. The week of sitting _shiva _had wreaked havoc on her finances. Having to turn down jobs so frequently had lead to the assignment makers handing the extra work off to other transcriptionists who had been more than happy to pick up the slack until there was barely any left for her. And she was too proud to ever want to have to ask for charity from anyone.

"You're moving in with me." Santana said simply. "You can get out of your rent and you'll move in with me." She exclaimed, not even considering in any other way. "No way in hell am I letting anything like this happen to you. Your fucking husband_died_, fucking vultures." Santana continued rambling about how unfair this all was.

"We can fix this okay? Let me help."

Rachel just stood there with her jaw dropped open at the outburst for a moment before finally sputtering back to life, "S-santana Lopez! You can't just... just _dictate_ to me what happens in my life! And this is my _life_, Santana! And maybe it's not as damn well_ perfect_ as _yours_, but it's _mine_! It's my _children's_! And maybe it's hard and not ideal, but I can _handle_ it."

She was nearly trembling with the outrage coursing through her. How _dare_ she? How dare she come in and _dictate _where Rachel and her family would live as if she was one of her _artists_? She understood Santana's need to be in control, but _she_ had to understand that Rachel and her family didn't _belong_ to her. The only person they _belonged _to was in a pine box six feet under the cold ground in Mount Hebron.

Santana almost laughed when Rachel said _her_ life was _perfect._ "Sweetheart, You have no fucking idea..." She mumbled, "Look, I want to help. You're my only fucking friend. You're my family... This isn't hard, Rachel. It's impossible! You _can't _get out from under this! If my math is correct? Your credit is fucked and they're gonna start repoing shit. Please, PLEASE, let me help you!"

"And what do we do when you find someone? What then, Santana?" Rachel blinked at the tears blurring her vision, upset and angry about the entire situation, "Where do we go when you've convinced us to give up our _home_ to come live with you and you want your _own_ family? What are we supposed to do then? When I," she quickly corrected herself, "the children start to _depend _on you and expect you to be there and you find someone to be with and decide to move on? What _then,_ Santana?"

"Are you blind?" Santana all but yelled, "Can't you... Can't you _see that you're _it? You and you're family are_ it_." She put down her mug. "Jesus. I mean open your eyes and recognize the fact that that I'm _never_ leaving. Not unless you make me."

She crossed her arms, and stared at the smaller woman.

Rachel frowned, shaking her head against the tears that wanted to spill out and crossed her arms protectively over her chest, "You say that _now_, Santana, but what about a year from now? Two years? No, I can't do that to them. I just _can't_ risk letting them depend on you as a co-parent when you could fall in love with someone and walk out of our lives at _any_ time. I am flattered that you want to be in our lives, that you consider us to be part of your family, but I have to protect my children."

She looked up at Santana with her eyes bright with unshed tears, begging her to understand, "They already irrevocably lost one crucial part of their lives with the death of their father. How could I be a responsible mother and put them at that sort of risk of upset to their lives so soon?"

"I understand what you're saying. I do." She whispered, "But, I can't think that letting them get yanked out of their school, losing their house and everything and quite possibly having to move back to Ohio so you can live with your parents is a better situation." Santana said rationally, "If you won't live with me. At least let me help you, I can.. I can help pay your rent? Or something. Please. _I'm begging you_ let me help you and the kids. I love them and I promised _him_ that I'd take care of you!"

Rachel blinked. She promised _him_? Promised _Jesse_? _Her_ Jesse? She shook her head, "Santana, you needn't hold yourself to a promise made to a dying man to take care of me, alright?" She hated the feeling in her chest when she thought that all of it, the friendship, the holding her, _everything_ was just the result of some stupid _promise_ Jesse had demanded of her - and she was certain he'd insisted on it, it was his way, "I will be fine. Just... just go as you will. Do what you want, okay? You don't have to worry about me. I absolve you of your promise. You... you don't have to do _anything_ for me because of that anymore. Alright?"

It felt terrible saying that. Cutting Santana free of the ties Jesse had bound them with. She was her _only_ friend since Jesse had died and it would _hurt_ to give her up, but she'd rather give her up than have her stay out of pity. Because of a _promise_. "I'm not a charity case, Santana Lopez. I can do just fine on my own." She turned away, blinking rapidly, not wanting Santana to see her cry as she left her.

"You are so stupid," Santana sighed, "Can't you see that I want you around? I want the kids around? I promised Jesse because it was the _truth_!" She was tired of this fight, they seemed to be having it for weeks and it never stopped. '"Do you have the ability to listen, I mean seriously. Swallow your pride and let me help for a little while, please."

Santana was raging, the fact that Rachel wasn't listening, that she had shut down and wasn't even digesting the words that Santana was saying. "I'm comprehending everything you're saying. Can you just give me the same respect? I mean have you thought about how fucked things are if you keep _pretending_ that they're okay? I can't stand the thought of you having to move back to Ohio. I'm offering to help."

"I _know_ you're offering to help, Santana," Rachel didn't want to turn around, knuckling at the tears streaking her cheeks, "I know all of that, but I don't know how I can accept. What can I possibly contribute to justify the cost of taking us in? I'm barely working since most of the assignments I could count on went to other transcriptionist while I was sitting ishiva/i for Jesse... most of our savings are gone trying to make ends meet. I can't accept charity, Santana, I just _can't. I have_ to contribute and I don't think I could possibly add _anything_ to your life..."

"You're family," she said simply, "Look. I don't wanna be alone in that house. You're doing _me_ a favor. It's not charity, look this way you can pick up some more shifts... or I'm looking for a new assistant and you can even work from home if you want. You won't be not contributing, I mean the fact you can cook alone makes you the best housemate ever!" Santana smiled trying to lighten the mood.

"I don't work shifts," Rachel interjected tiredly, "I'm a transcriptionist. I listen to dictated notes and type them out and more and more people who used to use transcription services are either doing it themselves or using computer programs for the task." She scrubbed away the last of the tears streaking her cheeks, not turning around until she was certain they were gone. She hated the fact that she always seemed like she was breaking down around the taller woman. "And how could your assistant possibly work from home? You are far too busy of a person to be able to allow that. Besides," she offered a weary smile, "I thought Cale was your new assistant slash protege in the making?"

Santana smiled fondly at the mention of the boy's name. "Mmhmm, that's right. But, I think that boy's gonna be my PR dude." She said, pushing her hands into her pockets. "I mean, like it's actually easy. Appointments, emails, all that less than fun crap, plus all the yelling at Tobias you can fit in a day... it's really quiet the sweet position." Santana popped the movie in the DVD player. "Look. I know you don't want help... but sometimes we all need a bit of help."

She was tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of how it made her heart hurt. Tired of resisting being around someone who just made her _happy _much of the time. "Okay," she sighed, shrugging wearily, "If you're sure there's room for us and our clutter in your home, then okay. And if you're entirely certain that you want me around that much," her lips twisted in a wry smile, "I'll consider applying for the position of your assistant as well."

"Win." She smiled, "Of course, you get maternity leave and have to wait till Alex is at least 8 months old to even think about coming to the office.' She stuck out her tongue and plopped down on the couch. She held her finger up to silence her, "My office, my rules." She winked and flicked on the movie. "I'm happy you're listening to reason."

Rachel scoffed, sitting down beside her best friend, "You mean you're happy I'm doing what you want me to do." She resisted leaning against Santana for a moment before giving in to the tiredness in her and the desire to just be _close_ to someone and letting her head rest on the other woman's shoulder. "And people thought I was controlling when I was in younger. They obviously didn't know the secret master manipulator known as Santana Lopez," she joked softly, laughing quietly as they watched the movie.

As the credits rolled, she yawned with a stretch, "I like the character of Prudence in this film. It's a shame they didn't develop her more." She turned to smile at Santana, looking like she was going to say something more when there was a knock on the front door, followed by it opening and a laughing tumult made up of two children followed by grandma and grandpa carrying the littlest came tumbling in.

"Mama, we're home!" Kayla called, running over to hug her. "And Santi's here!"

"SANTA!" Cale cried, racing in to throw himself onto the Latina's lap and hug her tight. "Missed you, Santa! Missed you lots an' lots!"

Santana let out a strangled laugh when she was more or less tackled by the toddler. "Holy linebacker." She exclaimed as she hugged him back whispering in his ear to say 'hello to mommy'. "Hey K." she leaned over and gave the girl a high-five. "You guys have fun with your grandparents?"

"Uh-huh," Kayla nodded before coming over to give Santana a hug as Cale clambered into his mom's lap to give her wet little boy kisses and hugs, "We saw a movie about _volcanoes_, Santi."

"They go _BOOM_!" Cale added, flinging his little hands up and nearly smacking his mom in the face.

Rachel chuckled, catching his wrists, "Easy with the booms now, little man. How were they? They didn't give you too much trouble, did they?"

"They were angels as always, so don't you worry, sweetheart," David rumbled, leaning down to hand her the sleeping infant.

Maria smiled, wrapping her arm around her husband's waist as he straightened, "Even Alex took his bottle without any trouble."

"Oh, that's good. I'm glad everything went well. Thank you so much for watching them, guys." Rachel smiled, gently brushing her hand over Alex's head before turning to hand him to Santana as she stood to give her in-laws hugs. "I truly appreciated it."

"That's cool, K." Santana smiled, sitting her in her lap and assisting the little girl in holding her baby brother. She whispered quietly to the girl as they watched the baby yawn. Cale was scrunched into the space between Kayla and Santana and was slowly nodding off as he tried to keep sitting up and talking with his sister and Santana.

"It wasn't any hardship, my dear, I assure you," Maria responded, patting the younger mother's back, "We love having them around and hope you'll come back to Ohio soon so the rest of the family can meet the newest little one." She kissed Rachel's cheek, "And you should bring Santana as well. She's done wonders for you."

Rachel blushed, flustered, "Um, well, I'll think about it. Did you want to stay for coffee or anything?"

"No, thank you though, Rachel, but it's a long drive back to Ohio and we should really get going if we want to make it in time for work tomorrow," David smiled at her before looking over at Santana, "Santana, it was nice to see you again. If you're ever in Ohio, don't be a stranger. You're as welcome in our home as any member of our Rachel's family."

She smiled and reached her hand out and shook his, "I wish we could have met under _happier_ circumstances." Santana said solemnly, "I'll take you up on that offer sometime." She smiled and nodded her head towards Maria. "It was lovely meeting you." she bowed her head with a blush and focused on the three kids around her. She carefully got Kayla off her lap and picked up Alex. "I'm gonna put these party animals to bed," She carefully set Alex in Rachel's arms and took the two older children down the hall into their rooms.

Rachel chuckled to see Santana carrying the two children off, one under each arm. "She wants us to come live with her," she whispered, not even fully aware she was speaking aloud, but Maria heard her.

"Perhaps that would be for the best, dear." Maria suggested with a soft smile, fully believing she was following her son's last wishes by encouraging this development, "She lives in the city and owns her home and you wouldn't have that nasty man as your landlord anymore..."

Rachel's smile grew wry as she turned back to her in-laws, "She also wants me to be her assistant."

This time David chuckled, "Well now, a woman after my own heart. She'll keep you busy enough, I bet. Just keep her straight and it'll be fine." He leaned down and kissed Rachel's cheek, his beard scratchy against her soft skin. "You be good now and the two of you best take good care of our grandchildren, okay?"

She chuckled softly, hugging them both again, "I will and thank you so much for coming up to visit this weekend. I'm sure they loved seeing you. Drive safe."

"Absolutely, sleep well, sweetheart." Maria responded, kissing Rachel's cheek and handing her the key they'd used as they headed out and got in their car to drive away.

Once they'd left, Rachel went in search of Santana, first checking on Kayla and tucking her in, kissing her forehead, deciding to wait until the morning to tell the little girl they'd be moving in with Santana. She straightened after reassuring herself her daughter was sleeping soundly and headed back to Cale's room. She leaned on the door frame, cradling a sleeping Alex against her chest, watching with a soft smile as Santana tucked her oldest boy in. "Everything okay?" she whispered softly, not wanting to wake any of the sleepers.

"They were asleep before I even got them in here." She smiled and got up from the bed that was covered with a blanket of a big cartoon batman. She tucked the boy in and put up his bed guard railing before walking over to Rachel. She let the mother say her good nights and headed into the kitchen and brewed more coffee and tea for them to drink. She pulled out her phone and worked furiously to set up what the family would need to move.

Rachel came in a few minutes later and frowned to see Santana on the phone. "It's nearly ten at night, Santana. Can't whatever it is you're texting about wait until morning? Or," she chewed at her lip, "Oh... you're probably asking Ajay to come pick you up and take you home. I'm sorry. Of course. You don't stay here over night, so I shouldn't have assumed you might."

She smiled softly, heading over to pick up her tea and sip at it, "I suppose I'll see you tomorrow then when we come into the city for Kayla's classes then." She didn't want to admit she'd miss the Latina, afraid of the other woman leaving now that she'd allowed some measure of dependency on her into her life.

"Nah. Sent his homely ass home to his wife." She smiled fondly, "I love that man." She put her phone on the counter and picked up her coffee. "I was actually seeing if I could set some of my storage unit up for you and I was fixing my grocery delivery altered for little people." She said like it wasn't a big deal. She sipped her coffee and watched Rachel.

"If you're gonna live with me... I need you to stop thinking that I'm gonna leave. Can you do that for me?"

Rachel sighed, watching Santana over the rim of her mug. "I suppose. I can certainly try anyway. It is... difficult though. Especially right now. I'm," she worried at her lip, wondering how much to reveal about the inner torment of her mind, "I'm just scared of depending on someone too much right now. Jesse was _everything_ to me, Santana, and when he died it ripped a hole in me," she touched her hand to her chest over her heart, "and I'm only just starting to recover. I'm frightened that if I depend on you too much, something equally terrible will happen."

"I'm very healthy." Santana stated, "I'll give you my doctor's numbers if you'd like to check. I have money, I job that I can't get fired from, and no; despite your convoluted fears... I'm not gonna find some random person to run off with forever and ever. I can promise you that." She needed to make Rachel believe her. "I don't trust people easily, and I never... _never _thought I'd be okay to be around children again. But, Kayla, Cale and Alex? I think about them all the time. I love them and I just want to be around to see them grow up, okay? Can you let me do that?"

Rachel nodded hesitantly, uncertain still but willing to give Santana the benefit of the doubt, "Okay, Santana. But please be very careful. I'm afraid I wouldn't know what to do if I lost you on top of losing Jesse. It's frightening to even contemplate," she peered into her mug, swirling the liquid gently, whispering, "I'm sorry I'm so broken right now. It's just so hard to put myself back together..."

Santana didn't know what to say, she just put down her mug and gathered Rachel into a hug.


	17. Chapter 17: Normal

**Chapter 17**

Rachel just lay in the bed for a moment staring at the ceiling after she reached over and carefully flipped off the soft chirping of her alarm clock. She still hadn't quite accustomed herself to waking up in the still slightly strange room instead of her bedroom in the house she'd shared for only a short time with her husband before he'd become too ill to stay at home. _At least the bed is still the same,_she thought to herself idly as she rolled onto her side and ran her hand lightly over the cotton sheets.

When she heard the soft sounds of Alex beginning to fuss himself awake, she sighed softly and pulled herself from the warm embrace of the bed that was trying to lure her back to sleep. Picking up her robe from where it hung over the footboard, she slipped it on as she crossed the room. when she reached the cradle, she smiled down at the baby boy gurgling and reaching up to her before she reached in and lifted him into her arms.

"Good morning, sweetheart," she cooed softly, carrying him over to the rocking chair in the corner that once held a place in the living room of their smaller house.

She rocked gently as she undid her shirt and freed a breast for him to latch onto. Humming softly, she watched him feed with a quiet smile, carefully brushing his fine hair with her hand as he cupped her breast sleepily sucking. She cherished these quiet moments with her baby when everyone else was asleep and it was just the two of them. It wasn't that she didn't love her other children or being around Santana, but there was just something special about sharing the moment with her infant the same as she had with first Kayla then Cale when they were little. She'd rarely shared morning feedings even with Jesse, it was something that was solely hers and her baby's to share.

"You're going to be a big, strong man someday, sweetheart," she whispered as he switched to the other breast with a little burp, "and you're going to make your father very proud. I wish he could have lived long enough to see you, Alex. He would have been so happy to see how healthy you are, how strong." She chuckled softly, "The way you can calm Santana down when she's in a bad mood just by reaching for her. You would never believe it if you could have seen her when we were in high school together. She loves you so much, sweetheart."

He finished eating, letting go of her breast with a sleepy yawn. She jiggled him a little, shifting him around to get a cloth out of the pocket of her robe and wiping off her mouth and cleaning of the traces that had leaked as he'd fed. When he started fussing, she spread the cloth over her shoulder and carefully held him up, supporting him against her shoulder and rubbed his back until he burped, a bit of spit up going onto the cloth. Chuckling softly, she cleaned him up and tossed the cloth into the hamper in the corner.

"Do you want to go snuggle with your Santana, sweetie?" She asked as she stood, walking towards the door, smiling when she heard him gurgle happily, head resting on her shoulder, "That's right, Alex, you like snuggling with Santana in the morning, don't you?"

She eased the door open and made her way down the hall to Santana's room, carefully easing the door open and peeking inside and ensuring her best friend was still sleeping, curled on her side, one arm wrapped around a pillow and cuddling it close. She smiled and placed a finger to her lips as she turned to look at the baby nestled against her shoulder, "Hush now, sweetheart, we don't want to wake her yet."

She stole into the room and carefully lifted Santana's arm from around the pillow, urging her with gently nudges to roll onto her back before letting Alex nestle against her chest. He yawned sleepily, one hand curling up to ball under his chin as he snuggled into her. Rachel smiled softly to see Santana's arms instinctively come up to cradle him against her. She loved the way her best friend had taken to her children and couldn't help herself from admiring the sight of the two newest members of her family cuddling as she carefully brushed black hair from Santana's tanned, sleeping face.

Finally, she made her way out of the room, carefully closing the door as quietly as she could before stepping into the children's room. Crossing to the bunk beds, she crouched beside Cale's lower bunk and gently shook his shoulder, "Hey, little man, time to wake up."

Cale moaned softly and stretched with a sleepy grumble, "Don' wanna get up, Mama."

"I know, sweetie," Rachel smiled softly as she brushed his sleep tousled hair away from his sleepy face, "but you wanted to go into work with Santana today, remember?"

It was like a switch was flicked on. Suddenly, he was scouring at his eyes with tiny fists, sitting up in his bed with his favorite Batman spread on it. "Yes, Mama. Work with Santa!"

"Hush now, your sister is still sleeping, but you can go clean up and start getting dressed while I make breakfast, okay?" He nodded and clambered from the bed, noisily rustling in his drawers for the special black sleeveless undershirt with the bright yellow bat logo emblazoned on the front that had been a birthday gift a month earlier. Rachel could only chuckle and follow him out as he made his way down the hall to the bathroom. "Are you okay cleaning up alone?"

He nodded, "_I big_boy, Mama!"

"Not a _very_big boy just yet, little man," she teased, tousling his hair as she ran water into the sink for him and pulled the step-stool out from under the sink for him. Watching as he got up to the sink and started washing his face and and brushing his teeth - offering the occasional bit of help but generally letting him do most of it alone - she offered a gentle admonishment about the coming day. "I want you to be extra good for Santana, Caleb," he watched her in the mirror, earnestly scrubbing his teeth with his little toothbrush and nodding. His mother rarely ever called him by his full first name, so he paid extra attention, "You listen to what she says and do what she tells you, understand? I don't want to hear about how you were misbehaving at her work, young man. If I do, you won't be going with her again, understand?"

He spat into the sink, "Yes, Mama. I be good." He smiled hopefully up at his mom who laughed and picked up a washcloth to clean away the frothy leftover toothpaste circling his mouth and oozing down his chin.

"That's my little man," she helped him down from the stool and drained and rinse the sink, "now go get dressed to go to work with Santana while I wake your sister and make breakfast, okay?"

"'kay, Mama. Can wake Santa?" He asked, eyes bright.

Rachel shook her head, amused, "Only _after_ you're dressed _and_breakfast is ready. She needs her rest and Alex is sleeping with her right now."

He nodded and ran back to his room. Rolling her eyes at her rambunctious son, she finished cleaning up the bathroom and headed back into the room, glancing at where Cale was rummaging in the closet, tugging down his dress pants. She stepped over to give him a hand getting the blue dress shirt he was having trouble with before moving to the bunk-beds and gently shaking Kayla's shoulder. "Time to wake up and get dressed, little star."

Kayla groaned and rolled over, her back to her mom, pulling her cover over her eyes, "No."

"You have to get up, sweetheart. You have school today," Rachel sighed, tugging on the cover. "Santana's taking you, remember?"

"Don't wanna go with Santi."

It was going to be one of those mornings. She barely suppressed a groan as she managed to pull the cover back from her recalcitrant child, "Why not?"

"Want Daddy to take me." Kayla pouted up at her, blinking blearily against the light as Cale jumped up and flicked it on.

"Sweetie, Daddy can't take you to school anymore. He died, remember?" Rachel smiled sadly, gently stroking her hair, "He can't be with us any longer now. That's why Santana's taking you to school, little star."

"I want _Daddy,_ Mama, not Santi!" The little girl's face twisted up as tears welled in her blue eyes, "I don't _like _Santi!"

Rachel sighed softly, encouraging the little girl to climb out of bed, "You like Santana, Kayla. You'll hurt her feelings if you tell her you don't like her."

"But I _don't_ like her! She made Daddy go _away."_Kayla pouted, resisting her mother's attempts to get her dressed.

"She didn't make Daddy go away, sweetie. Daddy was tired and couldn't stay any longer and he died. It wasn't Santana's fault," her mother explained as she chose a couple of shirts and pants for her daughter to wear, setting them out on the little table in the corner. "Now choose what you want to wear to school."

Kayla came over with a thunderous frown on her little face, picking the blue top with the bear on it and faded jeans, taking them back to the beds. "It was too. She took me away and Daddy left. She didn't let me stay!"

Rachel rubbed at her forehead. She couldn't deal with this so early. "Kayla, listen to me. Neither Santana nor anyone else was the cause of Daddy dying and going away. It wasn't _anyone's fault, sweetheart_. He was_ sick,_you remember how sick he was. And he just got too sick to make better any more. I'm sorry, little star."

Kayla looked up at her mom with a sad expression twisting her little face as she pulled on her clothes, "I miss Daddy, Mama."

"I know, baby girl. I miss him too. I miss him _so_much," she knelt before her daughter and hugged her tight, "But we still have each other, okay? And I am going to do everything I can to be with you for a long time. Now get dressed and help Cale and I'll make French toast for breakfast, okay?"

Kayla nodded, letting go of her mom and starting to get dressed in earnest, going over to help her brother button up his dress shirt and straighten his collar. Confident in her children's ability to help each other and come find her if they needed more advanced help, Rachel made her way out into the kitchen, gathering the ingredients for French toast. As she cooked, she glanced at the clock with a tiny smile. One advantage of being Santana's official assistant was that she could schedule her meetings and such to not occur until a more reasonable hour, giving her time to sleep and eat breakfast with the children before leaving.

She was just finishing the first batch of vegan french toast - normally she'd just make it with eggs, but the children had professed a preference for the vegan style with bananas when she made it their first morning living in Santana's house, so it had become her go to recipe - when Cale came into the kitchen, clearing his throat noisily before posing with his thumbs hooked in the straps of his suspenders. She gave a low whistle, "Wow, little man, aren't you spiffy? Who taught you to look so fancy?"

"Daddy and Santa," he grinned, coming over to hug her leg, "French toas', Mama?"

She gently tousled his hair before carefully smoothing it down again, "That's right, French toast, little man." She slipped him a piece of fried crust that had broke off while it was cooking, "Think Santana will be happy?"

"Santa lots happy, Mama." He grinned toothily, "'nanas?"

She nodded with a soft chuckle, "Definitely with bananas. I'm almost done if you want to go wake Santana now?"

"Can I?" His eyes were big and excited.

"Yes," he took off down the hall in a clatter of polished dress shoes on the wood almost as soon as the word left her mouth, causing her to call out after him, "but be careful not to be too loud and wake your brother!"

* * *

><p>Cale carefully twisted the knob on Santana's door and walked the door open, hanging onto the knob. He tiptoed as best he could with his good shoes on over to the bed and grabbed onto the side of the mattress, pulling himself up and hooking his shoes onto the side of the bed to help him wiggle up until he got himself up on the bed. He grinned at Santana and his baby brother, both sleeping quietly, apparently unaware of their impending wake up call.<p>

He carefully pressed his lips to his brother's fuzzy head, whispering, "You stay sleep, 'lex. Mama sayed."

Then, well, if they hadn't watched Sleeping Beauty the night before, things might have gone differently, but he decided that Santana looked enough like the sleeping princess to need a similar wake up call. He planted both hands carefully on her cheeks and leaned in to press a slightly sticky kiss to her lips, pulling away to peer down at her with a cheeky grin. "Santa wake now? We go work?"

Santana mumbled, not fully awake yet, but no longer sleeping since she had her face grabbed by two tiny hands. "No. Wanna sleep." She mumbled softly turning her head to nuzzle the baby fuzz on Alex's head. "Lemme sleep." She tried to continue to sleep, though the lingering feeling of being watched and the warm, comforting smell of breakfast began ticking her nose. She slowly opened her eyes and blinked several times.

She had only gone to bed a few hours ago, after finishing working, then working out in the tiny gym typed set up in the basement of her home she had fallen asleep around 3:30am. It was now 6:45. "Shouldn't you be sleeping, Cale?" Santana rasped, her voice thick with sleep as she wrapped one of her arms around his waist.

"Uh-uh," he replied, snuggling into her not often getting permission to come and wake her up, "Go work now. Promised, Santa." He placed a wet kiss on her cheek with a fairly loud smack sound, "Mama maked French toas'. Come eats?"

She nodded, sitting up slightly and giving him a warm one armed hug. "Morning." she closed her eyes and enjoyed the waking up to her two boys that meant everything to her in her arms. "Okay buddy. I'm gonna get dressed you go make sure momma made Santa coffee, okay? We's can't start the day without coffee, right?" she smiled, kissing his head as he jumped off the bed. "You look sharp." She smiled, she commented as she took in his attire.

He did his little pose again, thumbs hooked into his suspenders, arms akimbo and little feet in their polished black shoes set shoulder width apart, looking for all the world like something from out of GQ. If all the models had turned into toddlers. He grinned toothily up at Santana. "Mama sayed I spiffy. Go work now?"

"Totally spiffy." she smiled, sitting up and cradling Alex to her chest. _"I_gotta go get spiffy now, so go have breakfast and I'll come out soon. Tell mama that Alex is sleeping in my bed still all safe and sound, okay?" She settled the baby into a space in between two bed pillows on her bed to make sure he stayed on his back. She kissed Cale's head and turned him around to the door and swatted hit butt playfully. "Go on." She laughed and watched him scamper out as she headed into her bathroom and quickly showered.

After taking a lightening fast shower, drying her hair and fastening it into a ponytail that rested on the base of her neck and left curled tendrils flowing down her back before she headed into her closet and grabbed her tight grey sleeveless dress and slipped it on with black heels. She picked up her black jacket and her bag and slung it over her shoulder before leaning down and picking up Alex. "Still sleeping." She smiled holding him on her lap as she applied some eyeliner and foundation to her face.

The baby boy curled into her with a content gurgle, one little hand fisting a handful of her dress as he slept nuzzled against her. He was content and easy sitting with her, head resting against her chest as she applied her makeup. Rachel knocked on the door and poked her head in, smiling to see the two of them.

"You look very attractive today, Santana." She commented, coming over and pulling a couple of tendrils of hair from her dress, smiling at her best friend over her shoulder in the mirror, "Planning on making Tobias jealous, again? There is French toast on the table for you when you're ready and according to your schedule, your first meeting isn't until nine and Ajay will be arriving at eight, so you have plenty of time to eat with us. I warn you that Cale is entirely excited about getting to spend the day at work with you, to the point where he even chose his own outfit. But if he gets to be too much, you can always call me to come and pick him up."

She stepped to Santana's side and gently brushed her fingers over the soft downy hair on Alex's head, "He does love being with you. Shall I take him and go put him back to bed now?"

She pouted, "I _loves_my morning baby cuddles." She looked up her long eyelashes perfecting her pathetic gaze at her friend through the mirror. She handed the baby back to his mother and turned back to the mirror. She put some mascara on and finished her attempt at perfection before grabbing her perfume as she stood up. She walked into her bathroom, "Oh, you're eldest son?" she called out from the other room. "Totally first based me when I was sleeping." She came out with the faint essence of vanilla following her. "Yep, totally kissed me." She smirked, "I will teach him my player ways." she winked at Rachel before heading to the kitchen.

"Morning, Munchkins." She smiled, "How are you today Kayla?" Santana headed over to the coffee maker and poured herself a cup of coffee and drained almost half of it before refilling it. She hovered over the table, her dress still super stiff and tight from the cleaners to sit.

Rachel could only shake her head in mild bemusement and follow Santana out. "Santana, I truly hope you didn't mean that. Three is _a little_young to be learning such behavior and you are definitely going to be the one explaining the lessons of the birds and the bees to him if you insist on instructing him in that fashion."

Kayla glanced up at Santana and frowned before turning back to her cereal having refused to eat French toast with everyone else, otherwise completely ignoring the taller woman. Rachel rolled her eyes with a sigh, "Kayla, Santana asked you a question."

"I'm _fine,"_she groused, stuffing a spoon full of Cheerios into her mouth.

"Don't mind her, she's just being grumpy this morning." Rachel reassured, picking up the plate of French toast she'd prepared for Santana and handing it to her before moving to prepare her coffee. "Also, much like the children, if you don't eat, no treat." She held up the mug, taking a sip from it with a teasing grin.

She looked at the girl sadly, "Okay. Kayla." She didn't like how the girl just spoke to her, she had never talked to her like that and she never _dismissed_ the Latina before. She turned to Rachel when she took the mug from her hands. Santana looked shocked, "Woman. I will _bite_ you." She threatened as she reached out for her coffee. "Mine." She said possessively as she reached out for the coffee. When Rachel held strong she pouted and took the plate. "Stubbles, you're walking a thin line." she narrowed her eyes and took two bites before turning back to her indignantly. "I do believe this is _mine."_she took the mug back and held it tightly.

Rachel raised a disbelieving eyebrow, displeased, "Santana Lopez, I may have grown older and matured quite a bit, but I am entirely certain that my hearing has not failed me yet. I suppose it is _possible_ that I may have simply had an unfortunately timed flashback to high school, since you most certainly did inot/i just insult me in front of my _children_."

Kayla looked between her mildly irate mother and Santana with wide eyes. She'd never seen her mother look that irritated with the Latina in the entire time she'd known the other woman. It was fascinating in a way, though it also reminded her unpleasantly of how her mom used to argue with her daddy. Her chest felt tight and she wanted the strong arms of her daddy to wrap around her and pick her up again but she didn't know how to say it. So she just sat there, feeling uncomfortable and determinedly munching on her cereal.

Cale finished the last bit of his French toast and bounced in his high chair. "No mean, Mama! All done! Go work now!"

Santana looked down into her cup, not really sure when playful teasing crossed a line. "Sorry." She mumbled forgoing the rest of her breakfast and getting up and grabbing her stuff. She walked back into her bedroom calling out as she left the table, "I'm leaving in 8 minutes, please be ready to go." She sat down on her bed and nursed her coffee, leaning over and grabbing a few pill bottles from her night side table. She looked at the labels and took two and put them back and took pills out of the remaining three.

Rachel sighed, "Kayla, watch your brother." She set the plate she'd picked up back down and walked down the hall to Santana's room. Knocking softly on the door, she leaned inside with a concerned expression, "Can I come in?"

Santana looked up, counting out her medications in her palm and clapping them into her mouth, "Yeah. You live here too." She shrugged, "Look I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that." she washed her pills down with her coffee.

She came in and sat on the bed next to Santana, "I know you didn't, Santana." She let her hand rest on her friend's leg, gently squeezing, "and if we were alone, it wouldn't even be a problem, but I truly cannot be okay with you using those sorts of nicknames with me in front of them. They need to know that we trust and respect each other, even when we're angry, so we can't insult each other or fight in front of them. Okay?"

Rachel knew it was a hard adjustment, getting used to being around children all the time, but she believed in her friend. "You can tease me. I don't even mind if you call me Midget or Hobbit, Santana, because I don't believe you mean it maliciously. And besides, I _am_ rather small." She leaned over and gently pressed a kiss to the side of her friend's head, "But the transgender nicknames? I'm sorry, but I can't tolerate those in front of them. Please understand. I can't be put into a position of explaining to their teachers why they declare that you call me things like that. Because people who don't know us - don't know _our past_- will not understand, Santana."

"Stubbles is making fun of Trans people?" Santana asked, her face scrunching up in confusion. "Damn. Quinn was really mean with coming up with them..." She said mostly to herself, as she finished her coffee. "I'm sorry... I'm... mornings are bad for me. I didn't sleep much and I forgot to take my medications before I came out," she looked at the floor before biting her lip. "I know it's not an excuse. I'm sorry, okay."

Rachel smiled at her friend softly, leaning over to look up into her eyes, "Hey, I understand. I have bad mornings too, just like everyone else. I'm not imad/i at you, Santana. I just need you to understand what's okay, alright? I don't mind the nicknames, I truly don't, because I don't believe you mean anything mean by them. All I'm asking is you avoid the more potentially problematic ones in front of the children, that's all."

She gently rubbed Santana's knee, "It's an adjustment, living with children, but I'm certain you'll come through with flying colors. You're my best friend, Santana Lopez. I don't know if I'd be able to do all this without you. But, speaking of your medications, since we do have little ones scampering about underfoot, could you please keep them in your medicine cabinet or at least lock the drawer they're in? I don't want to risk the children getting into them and I don't think you want to lock them out of your room either."

"Shit." Santana exclaimed, laying back on her bed and opening the drawer and grabbing the five containers from the drawer. "I'm so stupid." She apologized, sitting up and getting off the bed grabbing a set of keys out of the dresser drawer. "I would kill myself if anything happened to them because of me..." She said as she unlocked the other drawer in her dresser, which from Rachel vantage point contained several _items_of the adult variety. She threw the bottles into the drawer and closed it, locking it once more and putting the keys back into where they came from. "Okay. Locked."

Rachel couldn't help the light blush spreading over her cheeks at the glimpse of the items Santana kept in her locked drawer, but she tried to ignore it, "Thank you, Santana, I appreciate it." She stood and wrapped her arms around Santana's waist, hugging her tight, "And you're not _stupid_, Santana. You're simply unused to living so close to children. You'll adjust. I believe in you. Now," she pulled back to smile up at her friend, "I believe you have a slice of French toast to finish and," she glanced at the clock beside the bed, "a half hour until Ajay arrives. Please eat?"

"I can try." She said rolling her neck and picking up her mug. She headed out to the kitchen and refilled her mug and looked in the fridge grabbing the kid's lunches. "Kayla, I made you hummus and cucumber sandwich, like you like, for lunch with a vegan brownie your mom made the other night, and, Cale, you're having bananas and almond butter." She put the lunch boxes on the counter and grabbed the reusable bottles and filled them both with apple juice and threw an ice pack in both.

Kayla grumbled something that sounded vaguely like "thank you", but it wasn't clear, which irritated Rachel when she overheard her as she came in.

"Kayla, _what_ have I told you about manners? I don't particularly care if you _are_ sleepy and grumpy, you will _apologize_ to Santana and thank her _properly,_do you understand, young lady?"

The little girl grimaced but nodded, clearly displeased with being pulled up short. "I'm sorry, Santi. Thank you for making my lunch." Neither her behavior nor her tone were exactly pleasing Rachel, but she let it slide this once with a tight lipped grimace as she got Cale cleaned up and out of his chair.

"Santana, your breakfast, please?" She glanced at the other woman with a raised brow, "Just eat the one piece and I'll make you a travel mug of coffee to take with you." She offered a slightly teasing smirk, "I'll even promise to make black bean enchiladas for dinner tonight if you do."

She smiled and nodded eating a bit with a wink to Cale. She ate most of it and looked at the clock. "Alright, _ninos_let's bounce and let mama do whatever it is I pay her to do." She smiled getting up and sliding on her suit jacket, followed by her sleek leather jacket before helping Cale on with his and slipping his lunch in his backpack followed by doing the same with Kayla's.

Rachel crouched down and kissed Kayla's cheek, straightening her pink jacket. "You be good in school today, sweetheart, and _please_be nicer to Santana. She has been nothing but sweet to you and you're being mean."

Kayla slumped slightly, "I'm sorry, Mama."

She kissed her daughter's head, "Don't be sorry, little star, do better." Letting Kayla head over to the door, she moved to Cale and carefully fixed the cowlick standing up on the back of his curly head, "And you had best be a perfect gentleman for Santana."

He nodded eyes bright and tiny hands wrapped around the straps of his backpack - he'd been so excited to get to go to the store with Santana and buy one with Batman boldly emblazoned on the back, "I be good, Mama. Promise."

"I know you will, little man, go wait with your sister now," she let him run over to stand with Kayla who was fidgeting by the door before straightening and smiling at Santana, "And _you,_young lady," she rose up on tiptoes at kissed Santana's cheek, not noticing the scowl that developed on her daughter's face as she did, "have a good day at work. I'll bring Alex by with lunch for you and Cale - because he will go through that one you packed before the morning is out - and tomorrow's schedule to approve around one, okay?"

Santana nodded, her eye catching Kayla's scowl. She smiled softly, "I wants sushi." She said simply, "Veggie sushi but I still wants it." She smirked and pulled away, "You better get to work, I might tell your boss you were slacking off all morning in your robe." she played with the lapel of the terrycloth before sticking her tongue out and heading to the door with the children. "Hasta luego." She waved as she ushered the little ones out to the car. Ajay was waiting and high-fived each child before helping them both get in their respective booster seats. Once Santana got into the black towncar he closed the door and smiled brightly at Rachel.

"I'll keep them safe," He stated, his accent a thick mix of Brooklyn and Indian. "See you at noon, ma'am?"

"Don't worry, Santana, I'll take the robe off before too long." Rachel chuckled, waving at the rest of her family as they got in the car, "Thank you, Ajay. I know you will. And yes, I would appreciate a ride in to the office at noon, thank you for thinking of me."

She waved at them again as he nodded and climbed back into the car, starting it up and pulling away. Once they turned the corner and she couldn't see them any more, she stepped back inside to begin cleaning up from breakfast and get to work on Santana's schedule for tomorrow as well as lunch for the little family.


	18. Chapter 18: Office

**Chapter 18**

Santana sat at her desk, her head buried in a file full of papers. She mumbled to herself as she read over the papers, scribbling with her left hand onto papers to her left. She mumbled softly in Spanish as she read the financials her departments had been stuck with, before finally giving up, placing her forehead onto her desk. She heard the deep booming voice of her ex-husband, "Perfect." she groaned, lifting her head up. "Can I help you?"

"Hey, love." He smiled, his accent had faded some over the years. He wore a black suit with a pink silk tie that complemented his skin tone well.

"Dude. Are you using my alimony checks to buy your suits?" She snapped at him, she didn't notice that Cale was intently watching. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, my dear. I would like to know if you can go to LA with me this weekend. There's a party out there for BET and we need to go." He explained, coming closer to her desk. "I'll buy you a pretty new dress."

She shivered, he was just being creepy now. "If you mean _we_ as the company? Take Jamal from PR..." She looked back down at her paperwork.

Cale had looked up from his intent coloring in his latest Batman coloring book from the little desk Santana had found for him and set up in the back corner. He wanted to see if anything new or interesting would happen. When Tobias came in, he made a face distinctly resembling the one he made when Rachel tried to get him to eat sauerkraut. Pure distaste.

As long as Tobias had stayed across the room, the little boy had had no problem with him. But when he'd entered the office, and the irritated tone Santana had used when she spoke to him, he'd slid off of his chair and started getting closer, his hazel eyes on his favorite person for a cue as to what to do. When she'd shivered as if she was uncomfortable, he'd frowned ferociously.

Scurrying around the desk, he'd hauled back and planted one pointy toed little black shoe square into the front of Tobias's shin as hard as he could, "Leave my Santa _'lone_" He planted himself in front of Santana's desk, arms akimbo, leaning forward and glaring up at Tobias as the taller man hopped backward with a surprised howl, both hands clasping his shin.

"What the he..." he swore, leaning down and rubbing his shin.

Santana couldn't help the fact that that may have been the funniest thing she had ever seen. "Caleb!" She exclaimed in giggles as she came around her desk, "Please do not hurt people that you do not like." She said, placing her hands onto his shoulders. She pulled him back against her legs and glared at Tobias.

"Well, T," she smiled as he rubbed his shin, "aren't kids fun?" she raised her eyebrow, challenging him to say something - ianything/i - to her. "Caleb, please say you are sorry to Mr. Spencer."

"Sorry," he grumbled out, still glaring up at Tobias and making it very obvious that he really wasn't sorry at all. Then, in his best Santana Lopez imitation, he narrowed his eyes and hissed, "I 'ill _own_ 'ou. _My_ Santa. Leave _'lone_"

Tobias just glared at the woman he loved and the child before storming off. Santana laughed and pulled Cale up to toss them both onto the sofa in her office tickling him. "My hero!" She held him up and tickled him until he giggled with abandon. "You are very scary when you wanna be!" She laughed, blowing raspberries on his cheeks. "Though you totally can't talk like that around Mama, you got me?"

"I _fierce_, Santa!" He scrunched up his face in a mini snarl, "Rowl! Like Simba!"

Her heart melted and laid back on the couch with him sprawled across her. "Mmm. Totally baby boy." She snapped his suspenders, "But promise you will be nice and good not _Simba_ boy to everyone else okay?" She got her serious face on and looked in his hazel eyes.

Cale pouted then snuggled down against her chest, resting his cheek over her heart, "'kay, Santa. Promise. I be nice."

She wrapped her arms around him and rested back against the couch and let her eyes start to slip closed as she rubbed a calming circle on his back. "Good." She smiled, kissing the side of his head. "I love you, Caleb."

"Love you, Santa," he whispered, the sensation of her hand rubbing his back lulling him towards a nap. It wasn't quite noon, but he'd been awake for hours and he wasn't used to going without his nap and wouldn't be for years yet. He yawned sleepily, nestling into her, eyes barely open and falling more and more closed as the soft warm feeling of her hand on his back soothed him.

Santana sang to him softly, a lullaby in her native language. It was soft, and kept falling off as she began to fall asleep as she sang. She held the boy tightly, her arms holding him close to her chest. Her day was grating on her; between Tobias, her lack of sleep and the uncomfortable feeling that Kayla gave her this morning, her head was tightly packed with anxious feelings; but holding the little boy who adored her seemed to make everything just a little easier.

* * *

><p>It was almost an hour later before Rachel walked in - neatly dressed for the office in a skirt and blouse - the skirt being a bit longer than what she would have worn in her high school days. She adjusted Alex in his sling across her chest and opened Santana's office door only to stop and lean against the frame. There, on the sofa along the left hand wall, was her best friend stretched out and her oldest son curled up on her chest.<p>

Both were sound asleep, the soft sounds of their breathing the only noise in the room. The mother couldn't help the soft smile that curled her lips as she watched them with an attitude that could only be described as adoration. She rarely had the opportunity to see both of them completely relaxed at the same time and it made her heart warm as she thought of how often those rare moments coincided with each other.

She didn't hear Tobias coming up behind her, too caught up in watching Santana and Cale napping. So when he leaned down and whispered in her ear, she about jumped out of her skin. "Ms. St. James, I do not pay you to _literally_ watch my wife."

She rounded on him with a glare oddly reminiscent of her son's from earlier, causing him to take a step back. "Do we _truly_ need to reexamine the fallacy of your continued use of that term in regards to Santana, Mr. Spencer?"

"In god's eyes darling." He smirked, stepping out into the hallway and _knowing_ that Rachel would follow him. He turned around and looked at her with narrowed eyes. "She's being petulant. She used to go through these moods every few years." He explained, "She'd be mad about something I did, have a panic attack and withdraw. Now, my darling Santana is a spitfire; she's fucked up. But she's a spitfire." He rolled his neck and looked over to the girl behind the window glass laying on the couch. "I've loved her since she was 18, so you really don't have any _right_ to tell me what she iis/i or isn't to me."

Rachel's eyes narrowed and her lips thinned in irritation, "Mr. Spencer, I have known and cared for that woman since she was _seven_. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly that she is indeed a _spitfire_. She has quite the fiery personality and is very passionate about what she believes in and cares for." She took a step forward, into his space causing him to back up - perhaps out of an unconscious fear for the ache in his shins, "But one thing she is not is _petulant_."

"It is hardly _her_ fault that _you _do not have the faintest idea how to treat and behave around a woman." She reached out and poked him in the chest, "She went through _enough_ with you and _your_ petulant behaviour. Why don't you attempt to be a iman/i for once and leave her _alone_?"

"_You_ have no idea what she and I went through." He hissed, "You might think you know all her isecrets/i, but you don't." He looked down at her, his dark eyes clouded with anger because he caught on to what she might be referring too. "When you realize, when you realize that she's iusing/i you; don't come crying to me. Don't let her ruin you you like she has herself."

"_Ruin_ me? Ruin _me?_" Rachel couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up as she stared at him in disbelief, "Mr. Spencer, you have ino/i idea about the history she and I share, do you?" She shook her head, "Believe me, sir, I am _well _aware of who she is and what she is capable of doing to me. But unlike you? I am willing to invest the time and effort into my _friend_ to help repair her if she wants my help."

"Friend." He scoffed, rolling his eyes and running his hand over his face. "Look, I'm not in love with the fact I have to see iyou/i and your children prancing around all over her. You can't even understand how upset that'd make me? Or the fact that she's practically showing off the fact she'd be an amazing mother and smacking me in the face with it." He looked upset for the quickest of moments before his stone faced exterior snapped back in place.

Rachel scowled, "Well perhaps if you had taken the time to address the amount of pain she went through _alone_ because you couldn't be _bothered_ to be there for her, you wouldn't be having anything "smacked in your face". But you didn't. You just ignored it. You ignored her right out of your life, Mr. Spencer, and frankly, I am not at all surprised. And she's not just an amazing mother, she's an amazing _person_. She has _always_ been an amazing person and I'm terribly sorry that you're only realizing it when it's too late for you."

Turning abruptly on her heel, she cradled her son closer to her chest and stomped into Santana's office. She almost slammed the door, but at the last minute caught it and eased it shut, not wanting to scare anyone awake. Ignoring that Tobias could still see them through the office's glass wall, she walked over and crouched beside the sofa.

"Ms. Lopez," she murmured a bit louder than a whisper with a slight smirk, "you have a meeting in two minutes, do you intend to sleep through it? Also, lunch for the meeting has arrived and I have your schedule for tomorrow waiting for your approval."

Santana's eyes blinked open and she near shot up. "M-Meeting?" She exclaimed, accidentally jostling Caleb awake. "I slept through... oh god." Her hand was slightly twitching as she looked around trying to find a working clock in her office to tell her the time. "R-rachel?" Her eyes were slightly bloodshot, "What?"

"Hey," Rachel put a soothing hand on Santana's shoulder, feeling awful for teasing her with her reaction, "calm down. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you awake, I was just teasing. You don't have a real meeting scheduled until after two this afternoon. I scheduled you a block of time as a "meeting" with your little boy here," she ran a hand over the top of Alex's head as he woke up and reached for Santana with a gurgle, "so you could eat and relax for a bit," her tone warmed a bit as she leaned over and kissed a groggy Cale who was looking around in confusion for what scared Santana on the forehead, "it seems my other son has done an admirable job of doing that for you already."

Santana tried to find her breath again, pushing her and Cale into a sitting position. "Oh..." she nodded, her hand running through her ponytail to try to restore it to it's normal volume. "We fell asleep." She stated, which was obvious but she was kind of out of it still. She blinked her long eyelashes and smiled at Alex. "Hi, little one, you missed nap time." She said softly, "How was your morning?" She looked up, cocking her head to the side as she leaned back into the couch with Caleb waking up on her lap.

Rachel set the bag with the vegetarian sushi for Santana and veggie pot pie she'd baked for her and Cale on the coffee table and shifted to sit on the sofa beside Santana, unhooking the baby sling so Alex could reach Santana. The little boy promptly wrapped his arms around one of Santana's and hugged it tight, babbling happily. Rachel chuckled softly and leaned forward to start unpacking the food.

"Alright, I have vegetarian sushi for the demanding girl," she let one eye droop in a wink as she glanced at Santana, "and veggie pot pie for Cale and I. And careful with him," she warned as Alex began gumming at the other woman's arm, a trickle of drool oozing from his mouth, "I believe he's starting to teeth." She handed Santana a soft cloth from her pocket with an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry. But our morning was fine and productive. I've your schedule for tomorrow here waiting your approval," she held up a neatly folded sheet of paper, "and Alex has been grumpy, but he seems improved now. Also had a minor run in with your ex a little bit ago. Unpleasant, but I suppose you are a difficult person to get over. How was your morning?"

"Caleb had a run in with my ex too." She shrugged, wiping her arm and handing Alex the cloth to chew on. "We should get him some of those rings, the ones you pop in the freezer?" She suggested as she watched Caleb slid off her lap and go to hug his mom. "I'm sorry, Tobias is extra annoying right now. Our wedding was 10 years ago last week and he's been super childish all week." She sighed and popped the lid on her sushi and moved so Alex was resting in the crook of her arm sitting up so he could watch everything.

Alex snuggled back into her embrace, watching with bright eyes as he gummed at the cloth held in both hands. Cale wiggled until he was sitting between the two women looking up at them with a toothy grin as Rachel dished him up a portion of the pot pie. His mother raised a brow at him, "He did, did he?" She sighed, growing used to her children being little malcontents, "Please tell me he didn't do anything too bad at least?"

She took a bite of the pot pie, chewing for a bit before holding up a forkful, "Would you like to try a bite of this? It's a new recipe."

"Nah. He was just protective and Simba like. He will not act like that again, but he was a good boy." Santana smiled and kissed his head. She took her chopsticks out of the paper and fastened them in her left hand and started to pick up a piece of California roll when Rachel offered her some pie. She smiled and opened her mouth, her hands were full of chopsticks and baby. "Feeds me." She pouted as she sat with her lips parted waiting for her.

"Simba?" Rachel shook her head with a wry smile, "He had best not." She gave Cale a stern look, causing the boy to slouch down. "Right?"

"But, Mama." He didn't like feeling bad about protecting Santana, "Pr'tec'd Santa, Mama. _Good_ boy!"

Her lips twisted in a wry grimace, but she ruffled his hair, "Okay. You're a good boy for protecting Santana, yes. But don't do it again unless she asks for help or someone is actually hurting her."

He bowed his head, picking at his food, "Yes, Mama."

She rolled her eyes and smiled at Santana, "Feed you, hmm?" With a soft laugh, she leaned over and slid the fork into Santana's waiting mouth, free hand cupped under her chin, fingers lightly brushing the soft skin there.

Santana's eyes locked with Rachel's as she took the bite offered to her. She hummed thoughtfully and ran her tongue over her lips as she finished, "Tasty." She smiled and looked down with a slight blush as she carefully pulled her head away. She took a quick sip of the water next to her on the table and popped a sushi roll in her mouth. "Do you want some of the sushi?" She offered her mouth still slightly full causing her to mumble.

"Santana, don't talk with your mouth full," Rachel chided, giving her shoulder a nudge, "It's poor manners."

"Yeah, Santa!" Cale piped up, sticking his tongue out, revealing the remains of his pie.

"Cale, that is gross, please don't do that again." She grimaced, reaching down to wipe off her son's chin, "And certainly, Santana. I don't usually indulge in sushi, preferring to only make one meal and the children aren't exactly up to such a palate yet, but it is a delight for some occasions."

She smiled and picked up a piece with her chopsticks, dipping it in a bit of wasabi and soya and brought it up to her mouth. "Open," she said, trying to convince herself that she was just imitating the previous gesture and it didn't mean anything more.

Rachel opened her mouth, taking the piece offered with a slight grin, "Mmm, tasty." Then her eyes widened slightly as the wasabi hit her tongue and she reached for her water, drinking it down before attempted to speak again with a slighter smile, "A touch spicier than I'm used to after years of cooking with children though."

Cale suddenly wiggled between them, reaching up to tug on Santana's dress, "I try? Please?"

She tore her gaze away from Rachel as she looked at the boy, "What do you say, Mama?" She asked, picking up a piece and making sure no wasabi was on it.

Rachel looked appraisingly down at Cale gazing up at her with his best puppy dog eyes. "Hmm, perhaps. But only a small piece and you have to chew it up all the way before you swallow, Cale."

Cale wiggled happily, nodding, "I chew! I try, Santa!" He tilted his head back and opened his mouth so big his eyes half closed, looking for all the world like he was trying to imitate a baby bird demanding food from its mother.

Santana giggled and pulled a piece off and popped it into his mouth. She watched as he thoughtfully chewed and picked up a napkin just in case he wanted to spit it out. "How's that buddy?" She asked as she popped the rest of the roll in her own mouth.

He chewed carefully, making sure to chew it all up like his mother told him. After a little while, both women watching him curiously, he swallowed it down. For a moment, he just had a curious expression on his face then he smiled brightly. "Like! More, please, Santa?"

She shook her head as she laughed, she cut the sushi roll into quarters and set them down on her napkin. She let him devour the last one and she rested back against the couch with Alex. "Got yourself a fan there, Rae." She smiled with a wink, "I'm glad he likes trying new things. Plus it's like super healthy and whatever." She gently tugged at the cloth in Alex's mouth to give him something to follow. His chubby hands reached out for it and he furrowed his brow as he came up short.

"Alejandro, don't give me that look." She said with a stern look, "You have some strong grip with those gums, there imijo/i." She smiled and looked back to Rachel. "Can I see that schedule for tomorrow?"

"Certainly," Rachel reached over and picked up the neatly typed sheet, unfolding it and handing it to her friend and boss, "As you see, I've arranged for the meeting with the PR and marketing departments for the new single being released next week at eight. It's earlier than usual, but I called and arranged for coffee and an assortment of bagels and pastries to be delivered for the meeting. Not only does it provide breakfast for you, but by feeding the other members of the meeting, it may induce feelings of gratitude which should smooth the way for you."

"Also, I noticed in your planner a number of auditions for new talent scattered throughout the week. In order to condense things and utilize your time in a more efficient manner, I took the liberty of calling the managers of the potential new artists and arranging a series of auditions of a set time one after the other for tomorrow afternoon." She had pulled a bulky black planner book out of her purse and was double checking her information as she spoke, "I had considered offering to handle the initial round and weeding out those obviously lacking in ability myself, leaving you to determine which of those who remained suited your label," she glanced up with a tiny smile, "but I'm afraid I'm not entirely certain as to what your criteria are for culling just yet." She bit her lip as she finished, closing her planner book, "I do hope that is acceptable?"

She nodded as she listened, "No, that sounds perfect." She took a long sip of water, "I think that we'll get you into artist development someday, but actually when the talent comes to me they've been screened several times. I mostly do interviews, try to figure out if their talent is worth the tribulations that often come with running a Rap and R&B label. Plus, I think having you gage rappers might be the funniest thing ever." She winked, she heard her iPhone beep and she stretched to the table and grabbed it and looked at the email. "Or... we might we getting you into development sooner..." she said quietly.

"Hmm?" Rachel looked up from where she'd been cleaning off Cale's face after he finished messily eating the last of the pot pie she'd given him. "What's the matter, Santana?"

"Evidently... Tobias wants you to go advance a trip for me..." She sighed and looked up, "Why is he so stupid? Like seriously." She threw her phone down and looked down at the baby in her arms. "I'll talk to him okay? He's really really dumb."

Rachel frowned, worrying her lip, "What, exactly, is involved in, um,_ advancing_ a trip? And shouldn't he be asking me directly?"

Cale had slid off the sofa and toddled back over to his desk in the corner, clambering up into the seat again and going back to ardently coloring his latest Batman picture while the adults talked. Alex fussed slightly until he got the damp and sticky cloth he'd been chewing on back, grinning up at Santana around a mouthful of it. He let go of the cloth to wrap sticky fingers around one of Santana's.

"Why are baby's always sticky?" Santana asked as she kissed his hand and smiled before looking up to Rachel. "Advancing, like setting up meetings and checking out locations and whatever. We'd give you a driver and hotel and whatever for like two days..." She shrugged, "T wouldn't ask you, I still haven't figured out the reason why he even talks to you... he normally doesn't talk to anyone but the CEO's and whatever... but he is telling me to send iyou/i since you are my assistant. I can send someone else..."

She chewed on her lip a little more, thinking about it. Two days. That was a long time to be away from the children. "Would you be okay with the children alone? I would need details on my responsibilities as soon as possible. Two days seems unusually long for such an assignment, perhaps I can pare it down and arrange things more efficiently. Also, what would the purpose of the trip_ be_ precisely?"

She'd all but convinced herself to go, especially if Santana would be the one benefiting from her work. It wasn't that she didn't trust someone else to take the proper amount of care in arranging things for the busy woman. Or well, actually she didn't. The Latina was a part of her family and as far as she was concerned, the same amount of care and planning that went into an expedition for one of her children should go into a trip for Santana. _Especially_ if it was to be taking her out of town. Rachel felt an obligation to ensure the taller woman ate and was well rested.

"I mean. Just because of the flight we gave two days... if you wanna do it in one that's cool. You can talk with the advance team you'd go with. Mostly just making sure you think it's a schedule I'd like.. and they're not misusing me or whatever. I can keep the kids... but I don't know, Rachel. You don't have to go..."

"Santana," Rachel's voice was softly chiding as she rested her hand on her best friend's shoulder, "I trust you with my children. But more than that, by telling me that I don't have to go, you're asking me to put your comfort and well-being into someone else's hands. I am your assistant, sweetheart. It is my _job_ to ensure that things go as well for you as possible and that you are as successful as you absolutely can be. If that means going away for a day or so to take care of you? And more than that, to ensure that your absences from our home are as short as possible? Then I will do that. You're here with the children, so I know they're in good hands." She smiled softly, leaning over to kiss her cheek, "I'll miss all of you terribly, but I don't have to worry that they're safe with you."

"Okay..." she smiled and cuddled Alex when Rachel pulled away. "I think that you should go then... If you want. I think that it will be good for you and it would be good for you to get to know some of the team since you work at home most of the time." She said handing the baby to her friend and getting up. "My meeting is going to be soon... so I'll talk to the advance team after it and get everything set up for you." She stretched her back and helped clean up the table as Rachel rocked the infant.

"I think that Cale should go home with you though, Rae." She nodded over to the little boy who was nodding off at his mini-desk. "He's had a big day."

Rachel nodded, smiling up at Santana as she gathered things up before glancing over to her oldest son, "He was so thrilled to come in to work with you today, you know. I think he looks up to you, and, quite frankly, I'd far rather he models himself after you than after that Batman character."

She stood gathering the rest of her things, "Will you let me know if you need anything else? Or," her smile was slightly awkward and a little sad as she reflected on how rarely the Latina had joined them for dinner since they moved in, "at least let me know if you'll be late coming home again? I'll set dinner up so you can easily reheat it if you are."

"I think I will be home pretty normal time, okay?" She said as she finished packing up the meal and walked over to Rachel. "I know... I'm sorry I've been MIA lately... it's been a strange last couple weeks." She shrugged as she kissed Rachel's temple as she pulled away and walked back to sit at her desk. "Just with everything... I'm figuring a lot of stuff out right now. You and the kids?" she smiled, "Make me very happy and I'm ecstatic to have you all to come home too."

Rachel shifted Alex, getting his sleepy self back into his baby sling, "Well, we are all happy to have you coming home to us, for what it's worth." She chuckled softly, "It's nice having another adult to talk to at dinner, not that my little ones can't be excellent conversationalists on their own, but the topics do tend to be a bit... juvenile."

She moved over to crouch beside Cale's desk, easing him out of it and getting his jacket on him. "I promised black bean enchiladas for dinner and I know the children heard me, so you know what you have to look forward to." She picked up the sleepy boy with a soft grunt of effort, glad that Ajay was waiting below to help her, "It'll be good to have the whole family together again for dinner tonight."

"It will." She smiled and waved at them as they headed out of the door. She watched their retreating figures with a sad smile. She loved the kids, more than she ever thought she could and her feelings for Rachel had grown even with her self imposed exile. She sighed and picked up her pen and rolled her neck, maybe Rachel going away for the weekend would be for the best. Her thoughts were interrupted when her meeting came through the door.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews.**


	19. Chapter 19: showdown

**chapter 19**

Rachel flopped back on the bed at the hotel in Detroit feeling anxious about not being with her children, but determined to get things in order as quickly as possible to return to New York and her family. With that thought in mind, she sat up and opened her laptop, wiggling back to sit with the headboard to her back and dialing the first of several numbers she'd found to start things rolling.

* * *

><p>Kayla was <em>not<em> having a good day.

First, her mom was _gone_. It was troubling and terribly distressing for the little almost-six-year-old girl to have her mother gone and she kept wondering fretfully if she was gone like her daddy was gone. It made her anxious and ruined her temper, causing her to even snap at Cale when he tried to play with her.

Second, she was having to stay with _Santana_. The person who made her _leave_her daddy. Who made him _go__away_. It was_Santana__'__s_ fault her daddy died, no matter what her mom said. She didn't care how nice the woman was to her, didn't care that she used to adore her.

Everything just made her so _angry_ and she didn't know what to do with it.

So when Santana had asked her to help with the dishes after their dinner of takeout Chinese, she'd crossed her little arms over her chest, stuck out her lip in her best angry pout and state a firm, "No."

Santana looked up from where she was rinsing dishes out in the sink. "What? K, come help so we can watch a movie after everyone takes a bath." She asked, looking over her shoulder. Cale was still munching on his fortune cookie at the small table and Alex was laying on the floor of the living room on his play blanket batting his fists up at the hanging toys. "Please come help."

"No," she shook her head firmly, "don't wanna. I want _Mama_."

Santana dried her hands and walked over to the girl and squatted down to the girl's height. "Sweetie, Mama's gonna call at seven before you go to bed. She told you that when she called this morning." Santana reminded the little one, "You know that she's coming home tomorrow afternoon so she'll be here sooner than you can say _happy__birthday_." She smiled thinking about the party that Rachel had planned for the girl. "You know Mama has a special party planned for you the day after tomorrow."

"Don't care," the little girl pouted, turning away from Santana, "I want Mama, not you."

She looked down and tried to not flinch. "Kayla... please just come finish your chores and then you can go play." Santana stated, her feelings kinda hurt but not showing it. "You're mom needs you to put your little gold star on the chart." she motioned to the chart on the wall that dictated the older children's chores. When you did the chore you got a star, when the chore was forgotten or ignored, a sad face sticker.

"I don't _care_," she stomped her little foot, "I want Mama! I want _Daddy_." She turned around and glared at the woman, "You made Daddy go _away_."

Santana grabbed the girl's arm lightly, trying to stop the impending hissy fit. "I did not make _Daddy_ go away. You know that, Kayla. You know that. Daddy was very sick." She was hurt, she was very hurt and wished that Rachel was here to help. "Kayla I know you're sad and mad, but please don't be mad at me for something I didn't do."

"No!" Kayla pulled her arm from Santana's grip, her voice rising in a way that made Cale look over with wide eyes, "I don't _like_ you! You took Daddy _away!_"

Alex, scared by his sister screaming, started crying. Cale looked scared too, whispering, "Made 'lex cry, Kay..."

"Do. Not. Yell." Santana stated, "No matter how imad/i you are, little girl. We don't yell." Santana explained as she picked up the infant and rubbed his back. "Kayla. Go to your room." She said simply, "Cool off then we can talk when you feel like being a big girl again."

"No!" She glared up at Santana, "You're _not_ my Mama! You can't tell me what to do!"

Cale slipped down from his booster chair and tried to slip out of the room, his eyes big. He didn't like it when anyone fought and it scared him to see his big sister fighting with Santana. Alex hiccuped, still sobbing softly and clinging to Santana's shirt.

"You're _Mother_ asked me to take care of you while she had to go out of town for a day and a half." Santana corrected the girl, her voice maintaining it's tone. "She asked me to keep you _safe_ and I'm able to ask you to go and stay in your bedroom because you are acting out and I need you to calm down. You're scaring me and your brothers. Please, go to your room."

Kayla glared at Santana for a long minute, waiting for her to back down like her teachers did when she glared like that. But when Santana didn't, she stomped her foot again and huffed, "I _hate_ you!"

Turning on her little heel, she executed a diva storm out the likes of which hadn't been seen since Rachel was in Glee. She stormed down the hall, past her brother who plastered himself to the wall to avoid her, and into their room. Slamming the door behind her, she flung herself up the ladder of their bunk beds and into her bed, sobbing.

Cale knocked softly on the door, "I come?"

"No! Go 'way!" She didn't even raise her head to yell in high pitched, almost hysterical tones at the door.

Her brother slumped, looking even tinier than usual as he made his way out to where Santana was still standing. Tugging on her pant leg for her attention, he looked up at her, "I help?"

Santana sniffled quickly wiping her eyes before looking down at the boy with a sad smile. "Of course, buddy." She had gotten Alex to calm down and laid him in the kitchen playpen and showed Cale how to load the dishwasher. "You... Kayla is just angry, sweetie. She wants mommy to come home." She tried to rationalize the outburst. "I'll go talk to her in a few minutes." She said quietly. "Don't worry, buddy."

Cale carefully put each plate and utensil in the dishwasher as instructed, little tongue poking out of the side of his mouth in concentration. "Kay mad lots." He shrugged, fiddling with a fork before sticking it in the bin, "Miss Daddy. Daddy made not mad."

"I know buddy. sometimes people get sad different." She sighed, and picked up the boy once they were done. "Wanna take a bubble bath?"

Cale nodded, "Like bubbles." He hugged her neck and kissed her cheek messily, "Love you, Santa."

Santana smiled and carried him to the bathroom and went back and picked up Alex and got his baby tub set up as well. "You get naked," she smiled and turned on the water, getting it to the right tempature and putting in the Batman bubbles. She got the boy pail from under the sink and put it in as she got Alex undressed and settled into his baby bath and as she filled that with water too. "Alright boy's! Bath time!" She smiled and blew a raspberry on Alex's tummy and make him giggle loudly.

Like most small children, it hardly took any time at all for Cale to divest himself of his clothes down to his training pants. Wiggling out of those as well, he made his way over to the tub, the side of which came to about mid chest on his little body. He lifted his arms up, "Too big, Santa! Help in?"

She giggled and leaned down and nipped his shoulder, then blew a raspberry on his baby powder smelling skin. "You needs to get taller!" She smiled hoisting him over the ledge and settling him in before fastening Alex's bath on the ledges and locked them in. She smiled at the two boys and handed Cale his Batman washcloth that hung next to Kayla's _Ariel_ one and Alex's _Robin_ cloth. She took out her phone and snapped a quick pictures and texted it to Rachel.

**Text to Rae: (Picture) I have two naked boys in my tub. :P Miss you. Also, we need to talk about K. **

* * *

><p>Rachel opened the text when it came in, the sweet picture of her sons in the bath waving at the camera drawing a laugh from her. She saved it to her phone, then sent a quick save back.<p>

**Text: My you move fast without me around to supervise. New favorite background photo! :) Make sure Cale washes behind his ears. And what is going on with Kayla that needs discussing?**

* * *

><p>Santana looked up to make sure everyone was okay and gently splashing before returning to her phone.<p>

**Text: Kayla hates me. She told me so. She's currently in her bedroom angsting. Can you come home early?**

* * *

><p>Rachel frowned worriedly at her phone for a moment before texting a reply.<p>

**Text: I don't know though I can certainly try if you need me too. She doesn't hate you, Santana. She's simply grieving and acting out. Just give her time, it'll be okay.**

* * *

><p>Santana sighed and washed the baby and helped Cale get clean. She put them into pajamas and settled them into the living room and put on a movie for Cale. She carried Alex as she pressed open the bedroom door of the older children's room. She peeked her head in and saw that Kayla had cried herself to sleep. She sighed, covering the little girl up and turning off the light before exiting the room. She curled up on the couch with the boys, pulling a blanket over them and telling Cale he had 20 minutes before bed as she settled Alex onto her lap and got him eating before responding to Rachel's earlier texts.<p>

**Text: I'll be fine... I was getting the boy's dressed sorry. Kayla hasn't come out yet. She screamed at me, Rae. Screamed. I know she's hurt but why... why does she think that I made her dad go away?**

After sending her text she realized Cale was asleep. She went and put Alex down in her bedroom and came back out picked up the boy and tucked him in bed. She kissed his head and closed their door before she went about the townhouse and locked up before taking her medication, checking on Alex and curling into bed.

* * *

><p>Rachel was in the midst of a discussion via phone with one of the lead members of the advance team arranging their plan of attack for the next day when the text from Santana came through. Once she'd confirmed who would be scouting which locations and arranging for a lunch meeting in the hotel's restaurant at one to regroup and determine if there was any point to continue scouting or setting up meetings before heading back, she clicked into her message box and opened up the text. As she read it, she sighed with a frown. Kayla was getting out of hand and she was starting to wonder if it would be a good idea to involve a professional to help the little girl work out her anger.<p>

**Text: I'm not sure. I've explained to her that Jesse dying wasn't your fault. She's just lashing out, sweetheart, I promise. I'll talk to her when I get home. Perhaps I should see if I can find a grief councilor who works with children to help her. I'm so sorry she decided to lash out at you like this, Santana. The boys are good at least, yes? Call me if anything changes or you need extra help. I'm going to do my best to wrap things up here as quickly as possible to get home to you and the children.**

After hitting send, she set the phone on her nightstand and curled up in the bed. It was going to be a long night all alone in the room, but she had an early start tomorrow and the faster things were completed, the faster she could go home. She sighed softly, pulling the extra pillow from the bed into her arms to cuddle as she let herself drift into sleep.

* * *

><p>It was nearly one in the morning when Kayla jerked awake, tears slipping down her cheeks as she looked frantically around the dark room. "Santi!" she cried, her voice broken and longing.<p>

No one answered her call except Cale grumbling sleepily in the bunk below. The house was still and quiet and she felt terribly alone, even with her little brother in the room. Her breath caught and shook with gasping sobs as the dream flooded back into her conscious thoughts.

She remembered running as fast as she could, her daddy's friendly smile just ahead. She could almost feel his arms around her again like he used to when he picked her up and gave her the best hugs that were just for her. Then she couldn't see him any more and it was so _dark_ and there were scary noises all around. Then she heard the sound of her mama off in the distance and she started running, crying for her to come save her, come help her and scare off the bad things.

But her mama's voice just got fainter and fainter and the scary noises got louder. Then it was bright and she could see the person she was running for. It wasn't her mama, but it was Santana, kneeling and waiting for her with her arms open for her. She sobbed and ran as fast as her little legs could carry her, wanting that hug. But the bad things came and and they took Santana away and she could stop them. She'd been running after them and screaming for them to stop, to give Santana back.

She'd woken scared and shaking as the fear generated from her nightmare worked its way through her. With trembling hands, she climbed down the ladder from the top bunk, her blanket clutched around her shoulders like a protective cloak as she'd carefully opened the door and slipped out of the room and across the hall. She wrapped one little hand around the knob on Santana's room's door and slowly turned it, following the door in as it opened.

Making her way over to the side of Santana's bed, she watched the woman sleep for a little while, reassuring herself that she was there before she reached up and tugged on the blankets. "Santi?" she whispered, tears still staining her cheeks, "Santi... I had bad dream..."

She wanted the other woman to hold her and make the scary thoughts go away. She wanted her to chase away the bad things and make everything better. She just didn't know how to express any of it, so she just tugged on the blankets and kept whispering in her tiny, scared voice, "Santi..."

Santana has cried herself to sleep. It wasn't the first time. It also wouldn't be the last. She was hurt, overwhelmed, frustrated and just lonely. She felt the soft tug of her blankets causing her to wake up suddenly. She sat up and blinked the haze out of her eyes and looked at the red faced girl.

"Kayla?" she whispered. She ran her hand through her own hair. "What happened?" she was thankful that she had begun wearing more clothing to bed now that the children lived with them.

"Are you okay?" Santana hesitated before picking her up and sitting her on the bed.

As soon as Santana's arms were around her, Kayla wrapped her little arms around her neck and hugged tight, sobbing into her neck. "Don't go 'way, Santi," she sobbed, "Don't go 'way like Daddy. Stay, Santi."

She was distraught. Not having her sole surviving parent there was hard on her, but the nightmare had put the idea that she could lose Santana too into her mind. It scared her to think the other woman would disappear from her life like her daddy had. She didn't want anyone else to go away and leave her.

She clung to Santana, her tears soaking the shoulder of the Latina's sleep shirt. "I sorry, Santi!" she hiccuped through her sobs, "Don't hate you! Sorry! Don't go 'way!"

"I'm here." she whispered, her hands running through soft hair. "I'm here." she kissed the child's head as she rocked them back and forth. "I know baby. It's okay. Let it out." she cooed, her heart breaking for the child in her arms.

Kayla curled into her, sobbing her grief for her lost father as well as her fear that she'd lose even more. The nightmare had unsettled her and she felt adrift but didn't know how to explain it. Usually when the nightmares - that came more frequently after her father had died - came she ran to her mother. But with Rachel gone, she turned to the other adult who was becoming a crucial part of her life.

For a long time, they sat like that, Kayla in Santana's laps, the woman's arms holding her close, hands stroking calmingly over her hair and back as she rocked them gently. Finally, the little girl's choked out sobs began to slow and finally stop. It was a scared and lonely looking little girl that peered uncertainly up at Santana in the end and not the angry and upset one from earlier.

"Can I stay with you?" she whispered, sounding terribly lost and not wanting to be alone.

Santana kissed her head and she nodded. "Of course, darling girl." she smiled and pulled the covers down and let the girl curl into the warmth. She cuddled the girl and kissed her forehead.

"I love you, Kayla." she whispered, "no matter what. I love you and I'll be here for you." she wrapped the blankets around them and settled down into the bed.

The little girl didn't respond, not wanting to seem disloyal to her daddy by loving someone else, but she nodded and cuddled close. She didn't usually sleep with Santana or even turn to the Latina when she was hurt or upset. Even when her daddy had been alive, she'd looked to her mother for help and comfort. But now, with everything thrown into the air, Santana was a rock she could depend on.

She was still hurting. Still scared and grieving and wanting her father and not at all knowing how to handle it. But right then, wrapped in the arms of her mother's best friend, she felt enough comfort to fall asleep, listening to the reassuring rhythm of Santana's heart beating under her ear.

Santana picked her phone up off her nightstand and quickly texted Rachel.

**Text: Bad dream. Kayla is sleeping with me. Don't go again okay? :( I miss you too much.**

She knew she was reveling too much of herself to the diva but she was too tired to care.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Rachel woke to the text from Santana. She bit her lip with worry for her daughter, resolving to find a good grief councilor to help the little girl work through the loss of her father when she got home. It was becoming painfully obvious that she wasn't able to help her daughter enough and the nightmares were becoming too frequent to ignore.<p>

**Text: Is everything okay? I think I may need to find a professional to help Kayla. I don't feel like I'm able to offer her enough on my own any more. I'll be home as soon as I can, Santana. I promise. I miss you and the children as well.**

Quickly getting dressed and ready for the day, she sent out a number of messages, waking the team and getting everyone moving. Her children needed her and nothing was going to keep her from them any longer than strictly necessary. One way or the other, she was going to be on a plane heading home that night.

* * *

><p>At some point between when Kayla and Santana had fallen asleep and the morning, Cale had woke up to find himself alone in the bedroom he shared with his sister. Sleepily crawling out of bed in his Batman pajamas, he stumbled out of the room, pawing at his eyes and yawning tiredly as he made his way across the hall into Santana's room. It wasn't the first time he'd snuck into her room to cuddle when he woke up before anyone else, but it was the first time he'd come in to find his sister already there as he made his way to his usual side of the bed.<p>

Pouting, he stumbled around the bed to the other side. Once there, he'd grabbed the fitted sheet in his fists and used the side of the bed frame as a sort of awkward ladder to pull himself up into the bed. Crawling across the bed, he snuck under the covers and cuddled into Santana's back, sighing softly in content as he fell back to sleep a few minutes later.

Santana woke up _warm_. She blinked as she felt four little arms clinging to her. She shook her head slightly and tried to figure out how to get Alex - who had started fussing - into her arms without waking the other two. She sat up slowly, thankful that she kept the baby close and skillfully picked him up and eased herself back down into the pile of children. She let the children roll back into her and kicked down the blanket and rested Alex on her chest.

She typed quickly to Rachel once everyone was settled.

**text: Everyone ****is ****in ****my****bed.** She took an awkward picture if her face and the heads on three kids and attached it.

* * *

><p>Rachel was just about to walk into her first meeting with the managers of three people who were interested in meeting with Santana when she came out when she received the text. She opened it up and smiled, quickly saving the photo.<p>

**text: That is, quite simply, the most adorable thing I've seen in a while, Santana. Also, congratulations on saving the hides of the three managers I'm about to meet to set up for your meetings. I almost walked in there in a far less pleasant mood. Thank you for cheering me up. :)**

* * *

><p>Santana smiled and texted back.<p>

**text: I'd be a bad boss if I let that happen. I also enjoy that you're up and working and I'm in bed under a pile of children. That picture is for you and you alone. I wills end you :p All we need is a tiny diva and the moment will be perfect. Don't lie you wants in my bed. You wants in it now :) **

* * *

><p>Rachel didn't get a chance to see the text until nearly thirty minutes later. When she finally did, she laughed out loud, startling the managers sharing the elevator out of the building with her. They tried asking what was so funny, but she just raised a brow at them. After the length of the meeting they'd dragged her through for simply setting up ianotheri meeting, she wasn't at all inclined to be friendly with them. Besides, she had a best friend who was snuggling with her children to respond to.

**text: If you allowed me to be cheered up or if you allowed me to rip into the three incompetent morons I just spent a half hour finagling a meeting for you out of? And you would enjoy that, though isn't that most mornings in a way? ;)**

A minute later, she hit send on another message.

**Also, I do believe I am the first adult awake in our home, cooking breakfast and making sure everything is set for your day to begin properly. As it should be in your opinion, correct? ;) That picture is MINE. Anyone who wants it will have to engage in physical combat. And I believe that's a tiny diva on the left there if I'm not mistaken. :p**

The last message, she hesitated before sending. She, after all, was fully awake and aware of what she was sending. And she wasn't entirely certain just how awake her friend was, or how she would take teasing of this nature. But in the end, she shrugged and hit send, deciding that Santana seemed to be in a playful mood and would likely take it as intended - light-hearted and joking.

**In your bed? Instead of in Detroit? With my four favorite people? Oh, yes, definitely. :)**

* * *

><p>By the time she heard back she had begrudgingly gotten up to get a bottle for Alex and was lounging around in her pajamas with the children as they played Legos on the floor.<p>

**text: She is a tiny diva. She perfected the diva storm out last night. It was disturbing. And yes. I'd rather you'd be here for a multitude of reasons. So would Alex... He only wants you for your boobs though ;p **

* * *

><p>Rachel was in the middle of lunch with the rest of the team when the text came in and she nearly snorted her tea through her nose in a most unladylike fashion when she read it. Waving off the curious queries into her health with a grin, she carefully wiped her face and set about typing a response.<p>

**text: She is the daughter of Jesse and myself after all and that is the prerogative of infants to want their mother's for their breasts. You're lucky he hasn't tried to suckle with you since he seems to think you're his mother half the time. I'm certain your breasts seem delightfully large to him. ;) But what would these reasons be that you want me there? Could it be my cooking? Just look in the freezer, sweetheart. :)**

* * *

><p>Santana looked in the freezer and smiled, popping the home made Mac and cheese in the oven since it was close to 11 after a bowl of cereal and juice for the kids. She smiled and changed Alex's diaper making him giggle the whole time. It was stormy out and everyone would be staying in today.<p>

**text: Looking at my tits, Berry? Checking for a boob job I was rumored to have? What do you think? Fake or natural?**

She sat down with more coffee and got uncomfortable with how much and blunt she was being about her flirting.

**text: Also, mac and cheese in the oven. Kids glared when they had cheerios for bfast**

* * *

><p>Rachel raised an eyebrow as she read the last two texts from her best friend. For a moment she wondered about the direction the teasing playfulness had taken, then she just shook her head with a shrug. It was Santana's nature to be fairly sexual after all, that had been obvious in high school, so she decided not to dwell on it. They were best friends after all as well as roommates and a certain level of intimacy in their comments to each other was to be expected.<p>

Besides, it wasn't as if she ihadn't/i noticed the attractiveness of the other woman on more than one occasion. No matter what a person's orientation was, they would have to be blind to not recognize that the Latina was a highly attractive young woman. And Rachel St James was certainly not blind.

**text: I was never much of one for believing in rumors, Santana. Especially in high school considering that many of them were about me and blatantly false. However, that said, nothing about you has ever struck me as fake. Though I suppose only you would know the truth.**

One of the leads came over to ask her something and she held up her finger to ask him to wait a moment before typing out a second text.

**text: Did it really take you until today to find that? I'm certain that they did glare since Cale no doubt remembers my making it the other day while you were at work. Do you ever look in your refrigerator, sweetheart?**

Hitting send and tucking her phone away, she looked up at the young man with a smile, "Yes... Calvin, isn't it? What did you require of me?"

He nodded his head with a slight blush, "Yes, ma'am. I just have the final work up of a schedule for Ms. Lopez-Spencer here and I was wondering if you'd look it over for approval?"

"Certainly, Calvin. But you needn't call me ma'am. We're all a team here and I consider members of my team to be on a first name basis. Please, call me Rachel." She smiled brightly, holding a hand out for the folder he held clenched to his chest.

He nodded, handing it over, "Of course, ma'am... I mean, _Rachel._"

Rachel ignored the boyish stammering and smiled reassuringly, flipping the folder open to peruse the contents. "A breakfast meeting with Peter at nine, then the meeting with Susan and Thomas at eleven. Lunch at Wah-hoo... Wah-hoo?" She looked up at him with a curious raise brow.

"It's a Asian restaurant that offers many vegetarian options, including sushi," he flushed slightly, nervous at being put on the spot. "You said Ms. Lopez-Spencer enjoyed those items and required vegetarian friendly dining options."

"Ah, yes. Thank you for remember, Calvin." She smiled, turning back to the schedule, "Then a series of visits to local clubs specializing in rap." She tapped the page, "I don't believe PJ's Lager House will be appropriate though. I scouted this location myself and they seem to specialize in rock - punk and grunge in particular. As Santana has specified that she is looking for rap artists for this trip, I don't believe it will suit."

"Okay," he nodded, taking the the folder back, "I'll get that changed. And can I just say that it's awfully nice to have you on the team as Ms. Lopez-Spencer's assistant, Rachel? You're much easier to work with and Ms. Lopez-Spencer hasn't really yelled at any of us since you came on. Thank you."

She chuckled softly, "She's a dear friend, but I'm glad if I've made things easier for you. Now, let's get things wrapped up so we can all go home."

* * *

><p>Santana got everyone fed and down for naps before sloping onto her couch.<p>

**text: Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. Who knows :p. But yeah we may have had grilled cheese... And then Chinese last night :). Pasta was yummy as hell. Babies have full tummies and are all napping on my bed or my room. **

She spent the rest of her day trying to catch up on listening to demos that people sent her office and got passed up. Out of the thirty she had, she picked four to bring to New York. The children slept for two and a half hours before waking up and deciding to decorate the house for Kayla's birthday.

* * *

><p>Rachel chuckled softly as she stood in the line to check in at the gate for her flight having managed to get it bumped to that night from the redeye in the morning. Santana's texts and the pictures she'd sent had kept her spirits up while she'd been away from home, but now she was ready to get back. She held the phone up and snapped a picture of herself as she neared the desk, winking at the camera.<p>

**text: Can you guess where I am from this photo? :) And I would hope you would know. You weren't secretly taken hostage, drugged senseless and given breast augmentation surgery during our high school years, were you? Honestly, it would be unnecessary. You've always been exceedingly attractive without any need for artificial assistance, in my opinion.**

She hit send without editing the text in any way as her turn came up to hand her ticket over. She did so with a smile to the attendant, carrying her small bag through the gangway and on to the plane. After stowing her bag in the overhead and finding her seat, she sent another text.

**text: I'm glad you're so good with the children. I wouldn't have felt as comfortable or safe leaving them in the care of anyone else. You're my hero! :) I'm glad you enjoyed the pasta. Perhaps I can teach you to make it some day? I'll see you in a few hours unless you plan to meet me at JFK?**

* * *

><p>The two older St James children may have been very different in their temperaments, but some things they both agreed on were quite easy to find. They both loved their mama. They both liked her best friend a lot - even if they sometimes said they didn't. And they both <em>loved<em> arts and crafts.

Maybe it was the smell of paste. Maybe it was the shine of glitter or the brightly colored waxy allure of crayons. Neither one could pinpoint what precisely it was, but they both adored it. So when Santana suggested making decorations, they'd both cheered and hugged her, all past arguments forgotten.

Now, glittering almost as much as a Hollywood starlet on the red carpet, Kayla proudly held up a piece of construction paper liberally bedaubed with globs of glue and fake gemstones with six variously sized stick figures scrawled on it. "Santi, look!"

Santana looked up from where she sat on the floor, dressed in old sweatpants and a purple tank top, cutting out the awkward shapes that Kayla and Cale had drawn. She had Alex in the baby chair on her right and Cale sat between her legs and clapped when he saw the picture.

"Baby girl, that's beautiful!" She smiled brightly at the 'artwork'. She picked up the pile of gold colored paper and started cutting out the stars that she had drawn. "You're really talented with those stick figures sticks!" She nodded enthusiastically as she looked at the now broken pile of crayons and glitter strewn on the old shower curtain on her living room floor.

"It's our family, Santi," Kayla explained, "See? Here's 'Lex," she pointed at the tiniest stick figure, "and here's Caley," she pointed and the little bit bigger one over between two big figures, "this is me and Mama," pointing at a big stick figure with long hair holding the hand of a little stick figure. "This is Daddy watching us from sky like Mrs Nancy said," she pointed at a big figure almost horizontal across the top of the page with random clusters of white fake rhinestones around him. "And this is you," she pointed at the last big figure with long hair standing beside the figures for Cale and Rachel.

When she finished her explanation she beamed over at Santana and her little brother, proud of her accomplishment. "Can I show Mama when she comes?"

Santana blinked several times, "Kayla," She was touched, her words escaped her and she smiled. "Of course, K. Of course. We gotta clean up soon so we can go to bed and wait for her to come home." She said, finishing her cut outs and sliding the hooks on to them for the kids to hang up on the streamers. "Hang your stars up then go get changed and help Cale get into pajamas and we can get our sleeps on."

She watched them scamper about, hanging up the stars and frolicking down the hallway. Scooping up Alex, she fed him his bottle before settling him down on his playmat and cleaning up the mess. Loud giggles were shouted from down the hall and they both came out dressed in footie pajamas with toothpaste still smeared on their faces. She laughed, wiped their faces and carried them both into the bedroom. After reading a story, she kissed them both as they lulled to sleep. Santana came back out and plopped down on the couch with Alex watching the news, quickly sending Rachel a short text.

**text: Have a good flight. Don't get stuck in the overhead compartment like Puck tried to do when we went to nationals. :P**

* * *

><p>Rachel had just gotten out of the cab in front of the brownstone and was paying her fare when her phone buzzed in her pocket. Waving at him to keep the change, she pulled it out as she made her way up the stairs to the front door. A smile wreathed her lips as she read it before unlocking the door and opening it as quietly as she could.<p>

She set her bag down by the door and closed it softly behind her, locking it before slipping her shoes off and making her way down the hall to the living room where she could hear the TV. She smiled seeing a familiar dark head leaning against the arm of the sofa. Slipping over, she leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Hey, girlfriend," she opted for the peppy greeting she'd tried on Quinn once upon a time, smiling down at her best friend, "I had a wonderful flight and a nice cab ride home, if you're wondering. And I assure you that I was never in any danger of being stuck in the overhead compartments, though reaching them was slightly difficult. Did you miss me?" Her smile brightened as she reached over to softly brush the thickening brown hair on Alex's head, "Are the little ones all in bed already?"

Santana blinked tiredly, "Hey." She smiled, leaning up and sleepily trying to kiss Rachel's cheek but hitting the corner of her mouth. She pulled away and shook her head to wake up more. "Yeah for about two hours now. It's been a lazy day and look," she motioned to the room. "they decorated."

The room was plastered in glitter paper, stars, streamers, and Christmas lights. "Kayla was admit about her stars." She winked and stretched her arms and rolled her neck. "Mmm. This is yours." She stretched her arms out and handed Rachel the baby. "He's gonna wanna eat soon." She got up and moved to the kitchen, flexing her back muscles before moving to tug her tank top down to cover her stomach when it rode up.

When Santana's lips met hers, Rachel all but froze. The last person who'd touched her lips - aside from her children - had been Jesse just before he died. She took Alex more from reflex than realize what was happening. As Santana walked away, her free hand went to her lips, fingers lightly brushing over the spot Santana had kissed as she slowly shook her head trying to clear away the lingering fog the kiss seemed to have inspired.

It was just jet lag, she told herself. Too long away from home and far too much time spent in a cramped cylinder in the air and noisy bars and clubs. They had kissed each other before - though admittedly far more casually - and likely Santana was just worn out from spending the weekend as the only one in charge of the children.

It was an accident. The more she thought about it, the more certain she was. Santana had been married after all, with the exception of Brittany, she had always come across as straight, so Rachel was certain the kiss was nothing more than an accident.

Now if only she could forget the gentle tingling the kiss seemed to inspire.

"Want some tea?" Santana threw over her shoulder as she was filling her kettle and putting it on the gas stove.

It had just been a long time, she reassured herself. Jesse and she had shared an active private life and she was missing him. That was all.

So when Santana asked if she wanted any tea, she was able to smile and bounce Alex gently as she looked around the room. "Why yes, Santana, tea sounds lovely. And it's quite decorative. They did a very good job." She glanced at the woman making the tea with a smile, "With your eminently capable assistance, I'm certain."

Santana pulled out two mugs and teabags as she poured the water in them. "So the trip went okay?" She asked, fixing them accordingly and coming back in. She popped a vegan brownie on to a plate and set it on the table with the teas. "I heard good things about you, that you're like super girl and whatever." She smiled and sipped her tea, fixing her glasses onto her face and taking her hair down from the messy ponytail that it was thrown in.

"Better than okay," Rachel replied with a smile, coming in and taking a seat, shifting Alex slightly, waiting for him to wake up a little more before feeding him, "I believe I may have managed to arrange things so that you'll be able to return home a day early and still manage the most coverage. I also managed to arrange a meeting with the manager of what the industry websites and periodicals are naming the top unsigned rapper in the Detroit area," she took a sip of her tea, "just don't ask me to say his name as it is absolutely ridiculous and offensive besides. And may I add that I made certain to create a schedule that allowed for meals - with reservations already made at various dining establishments - plenty of rest, so please utilize it. I'm afraid I'll worry fiercely if you do not take proper care of yourself while away."

"Yeah. My Lima Heights comes out in those places." She smiled and sipped her tea. "Even when you're not around you're still watching out for my fine, fine ass." She winked. She looked up and smiled as some glitter hit her shoulder. "My house has been glitter bombed." She sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest resting her chin on her kneecap.

Alex stirred reaching for the familiar scent and sound of his mother before his eyes even opened. Rachel smiled down at him, setting her mug down. "I bet you're hungry, aren't you, little man."

Unconcerned that Santana was sitting right across from her, she unfastened her top and adjusted her bra to let her breast out for Alex to latch onto. He nuzzled for a second, sleepy eyes never opening before he latched on, suckling noisily and gripping the breast with his little hands. She watched him for a moment with a soft smile before reaching for her tea and taking another sip. "As I was saying, I believe that this will be an optimal trip for you."

Santana watched silently for a few minutes as Rachel nursed her son. She was in awe. She had never really _watched_ she had insisted when he was born that Rachel breastfed because she read that it was better for the baby. She had read every book when she was pregnant with Alejandra, but never got to use the knowledge. "That's really beautiful..." She whispered into her mug, sadly looking down and trying to avoid the longing in her heart when she saw the bond she'd never have with a baby.

Rachel's attention had been drawn down to her son as he finished with one breast, necessitating her to shift her clothes to free the other breast so he could suckle, but she looked up at the soft murmur of her best friend, all thoughts of work driven from her mind. She bit her lip, hesitating for a moment before asking the question that had lingered on her mind since she'd found out about little Alejandra. "Santana," she whispered softly, "please forgive me for asking, but... why did you never try again? For a child that is. The way you are with the children tells me you would be an amazing mother and the doctors would be aware of what happened with Alejandra and be able to watch out for it..."

She didn't want to hurt the Latina, but she did want to help. Santana had seemed willing to talk to her about it before and she thought that perhaps if she could find out what the other woman was afraid of, she could help relieve those fears at least a little.

Santana's head stayed down, her eyes fixated on a speck of dust on her sweatpants. "I... I don't think I... I mean... I would need to use IVF and.. I had a... she _died_ when I was so young... now that I'm older... I couldn't... I couldn't loose another." She kept her eyes downcast.

The doctors never told her what happened with her daughter, nor did she want to ask them. All she knew was that her baby died, and it was her fault somehow. She never sought out medical testing because she never wanted to deal with it. She wanted nothing more than to feel what Rachel was fortunate enough to feel three times, but she couldn't face having to bury another child.

"Can't risk it." She said simply. She got up abruptly taking her cup into the kitchen and going into her bedroom to take her nightly medications before returning to make sure the house was locked up. "I'll put your bag in the bedroom." She said softly before dropping a kiss on Rachel's head then Alex's. "Night, Rachel." she whispered before dropping the bag into the mother's room and slipping into her own. She slid into bed and wrapped herself in her blankets and tried to forget her thoughts.

Rachel stood and adjusted her clothes, heading into her room to change for bed after setting Alex down on her bed as she did. Once she was finished, she noticed Alex's crib was missing. "Santana must have moved it to her room for the weekend to keep you close, little man."

Scooping up her son, she made her way down the hall to Santana's room, knocking softly before opening the door and stepping in. Closing it behind her, she made her way over to the crib and carefully set Alex inside, tucking him in. Glancing over at the lump in the covers that was her best friend, her heart ached. The other woman was hurting and it was her fault.

She walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, reaching out to gently run her fingers over the bare skin of Santana's shoulder. "Santana?" Her voice was soft, little more than a murmur, "Would it be terribly imposing of me to ask to stay with you tonight? You seem like you could use someone holding you..."

She was a bit more lethargic than normal but the bundle of hair that poked out of the grey comforter nodded and lifted the side of the blanket. She left the blanket open until she felt Rachel take it and shift in near her. "Warm." She whispered when Rachel slid into the warm bed. Santana's medication had settled into her system, calming her down and making her emotions manageable. She sighed and rolled over, resting her head on Rachel's shoulder. "I miss her..." She mumbled into skin that smelled of baby powder. "She has a tiny little urn... she was too little to bury."

Rachel wrapped her arms around her still grieving friend and drew her close until there was hardly any space between them. Kissing the dark head nestled against her, she whispered softly, "I'm sure she misses you too, Santana." Even though the idea of cremating a person and not burying them mildly horrified her Jewish upbringing, she tried to remember what her dad Leroy had taught her about the Christian beliefs to offer some comfort to the woman in her arms. "She was just too good for this world and God called her home before it could spoil her."

She hugged Santana tight, unaware of the tears streaking her cheeks from the pain the Latina must have gone through. "I'm certain she's up in Heaven now, looking down and watching over you. Maybe the bond they share through little Alex let her find Jesse and they're watching us together?"

She wasn't sure how much of what she was saying she believed, but she liked the idea of Jesse with a little version of Santana watching out for them from beyond this life. It was a little thought that took some of the heaviness that had surrounded her heart since he'd died away.

"Okay." Santana said quietly, not even realizing that she had tears streaming down her cheeks. "I hope you're right." She stated before falling into a fitful sleep in the arms of the one person in her life that knew how much she loved her deceased daughter and how her much her death affected her day to day life.

She whimpered softly, her hand finding Rachel's and pulling her arm around her torso and holding her tighter.

Rachel tried to calm her breathing as she held her best friend. It hurt so much to see the pain etched through the other woman's entire being over the loss of her only child. She couldn't even imagine how she'd feel in a similar position and the fact that the other woman's ex-husband had so callously disregarded this soul deep Ipain/I in his wife made her almost tremble with suppressed anger.

She gently kissed Santana's hair, cuddling into her back as close as she could, trying to protect her from any more pain with the warmth of her embrace. "The ones who go ahead wait for us, Santana, to light the way when it's our time to join them. They miss us too and I know any child of yours would be anxious to meet their mother. It'll be okay, sweetheart."

Her words, little more than a whisper, trailed off as the exertions of the day caught up with her. Her eyes blinked tiredly a few times before she finally fell asleep wrapped around her best friend.


	20. Chapter 20: Sick day

**Chapter 20**

In the weeks that followed, they settled into their routines. Cale started preschool and would bring home brightly colored pictures to decorate the fridge and excited stories about his classmates to regale his mom and Santa with. Kayla, proud of her status as a six-year old, would slowly sound out words in her early reader books sitting in Rachel's - or occasionally Santana's - lap. Rachel continued organizing Santana's work life, optimizing things to allow her friend to focus more on the production side of things while she handled the paperwork behind the scenes. Alex continued to grow, beginning to hold his head up and showing the signs of sitting on his own.

While Rachel made a point of coming in to the office every day to bring Santana lunch, occasionally she had to leave Alex sitting in Santana's lap as she listened to tapes while the mother went to handle a meeting. It had gotten to the point where the finances and marketing departments specifically requested that Rachel attend the meetings them - not that she wasn't as demanding and insistent in her way as Santana, but it was far less likely that an intern would have to leave the room in tears when Rachel was there. Since the development meant that Santana didn't have to sit through the dull hour or longer meetings and could focus on her artists even more _and_ got one-on-one time with Alex while Rachel was handling things, she didn't complain too terribly about it.

But one thing they didn't do was discuss the night Santana had fallen asleep in Rachel's arms. It wasn't that they were intentionally avoiding it, but that between the children and work, things were just too hectic to mention it. Occasionally, the two women would muse about having one of the sets of grandparents coming up and watching the children for a night so they could have some quiet time to relax and breathe, but something else would come up and the idea would be shelved again.

Then one morning, Rachel got up and fixed breakfast for the unusual little family the same as she always did. Cale and Kayla got up and dressed the same as they always did. Little Alex gurgled and cooed at everyone the same as he always did.

But Santana stayed in her bed, refusing to respond to Cale's urges to get up and come eat with them - though she did offer him a tired hug and a kiss to his forehead.

After she got the two older children off to school with Ajay's assistance and got back home, Rachel hung her coat by the door and walked back to knock on Santana's door, opening it when there was no response and coming in to sit on the side of the bed beside her. "Are you feeling okay, Santana?"

She reached out and rested her hand on Santana's forehead where she could just see it peeking out from under the grey comforter, her eyes widening as she realized how warm she felt, "My gosh, Santana, you're burning up! Why didn't you say you weren't feeling well?"

Santana groaned, everything hurt. She whimpered as she curled into her bed. She shivered, her whole body shaking whether it be from her high fever or the fact she hadn't taken her medications in almost 48 hours. She didn't blink open her eyes and didn't move to get up.

"Sleeping," she whispered, her voice a fair amount raspier than it's normal tone.

"Yes, I can tell you're sleeping," Rachel sighed, brushing her fingers through the Latina's hair, "but you're also quite ill. I think it would be for the best if you don't go into the office today. I don't believe there's anything exceedingly pressing that cannot be moved to a later date, and if there is I'll handle it. I do hope this is just a mild bug and you didn't catch the flu that Kayla and Cale came down with last week."

Santana grumbled, trying to move to sit up but failing and reverting to a lump on her mattress. "Never sick," she said with a slight jut of her full lips. She'd look cute if she wasn't so pale and sick looking.

Rachel smiled with a soft chuckle, adjusting her covers, "Well, you are today, sweetheart. So you just lie back, focus on improving your health, and allow me to take care of you. Would you like me to make you something to eat? I could make you a nice vegetable noodle soup if you'd like."

She shook her head, pushing back the covers of her bed. "Need to get up," she tried her best to get up and attempt to find her medications. "Can you get me water?" Santana asked softly as she finally sat up.

"I can," Rachel responded with a frown as she got up to leave, but not before pushing Santana back down with a gentle push, "but you need to stay in bed and get better. We need you around here, sweetheart, not in a hospital because you're being stubborn."

She hit the mattress with a thump. She had used so much energy getting up, the fact she had needed to do it again was frustrating. She watched Rachel leave and struggled to get up and get to her closet with out puking or falling over from being dizzy.

Rachel didn't take long to retrieve the requested glass of water, but she almost dropped it when she walked into the room and caught Santana almost heading into her closet. "Santana Lopez, what _do_ you think you're doing?" Her voice carried the same outraged, motherly tone that sometimes came out when one of the children was being particularly naughty, "I already told you that you are _not_ going into work today. You are simply too ill!"

Setting the glass down on the dresser, she strode over to the taller woman and wrapped her arms around her waist just in time to catch her as a dizzy spell hit. "And what would you have done if you'd fallen and struck your head? Do you have _any_ idea what it would do to me if you were seriously injured and forced to be taken to a hospital? What it would do to the _children_?"

Santana clutched onto Rachel. "Need to get something," she fisted her keys in her hand as reached for her drawer, "Lemme get it."

"Are you listening to a word I'm saying?" Rachel growled, frustratedly pulling the other woman back to the bed, "Whatever you need that is so important I am certain that _I_ can retrieve for you! There is no need for you to put yourself at undue risk when you have a perfectly _healthy_ friend willing to be your hands and feet for the day!"

Santana groaned. "I need my medications. They're locked in my drawer," she hesitated not at all wanting Rachel to look at her or the contents of the drawer.

"Then _I'll_ get them for you," Rachel's lips thinned in an unhappy frown as she got her friend back into bed and took the keys. "I'm certain whatever you have in there is nothing I haven't seen before in some fashion or another."

Once Santana was tucked back into bed, Rachel made her way over to the closet and the dresser hidden inside of it. Crouching down, she fiddled with the keys until she managed to unlock the locked drawer and pulled it open. Her eyes widened slightly at the array of adult paraphernalia Santana kept hidden in the drawer, blinking a couple of times before she managed to locate the amber and white prescription bottles and gather them up. She hadn't been lying when she said it wasn't things she'd seen in some fashion or another, but that had been by _accident_ in many cases - or in a far more _real_ fashion, but never quite such a _variety_.

She couldn't help the blush tinging her cheeks as she headed back over to the bed with her collection of bottles. She'd known her best friend was a passionate and sexual person, but she hadn't known quite _how_ passionate and sexual she was. She set the bottles down on the nightstand, "Here we are. And you have quite the, um, collection, Santana."

Santana hid her head under the pillow trying to avoid her friends gaze. She mumbled and reached an arm out to snatch the bottles.

Rachel rolled her eyes and handed her the bottles, walking over to retrieve the glass of water from the top of Santana's clothes dresser. "You know, it's nothing to be ashamed of," she commented, though she couldn't stop the blush - or the thoughts, the _highly_ inappropriate _thoughts_, "you having a healthy libido, that is."

She returned with the water and sat on the edge of the bed holding it for Santana to take when she was ready. "It's a good thing, Santana, and it's not like I would expect you to be celibate simply because we are living with you." Rachel refused to address the odd feeling clawing at her heart - it felt entirely too much like jealousy and that simply wasn't an acceptable feeling to apply towards her friend's love life. And beside, she was entirely certain it was simply her own libido being jealous of her friend for having an _active_ love life because her own was rather far less so since Jesse's illness had gotten too advanced for such things.

Santana popped three pills in her mouth and took the water when it was offered to her. "Been celibate for like 6 months." she shrugged not really one to depend on a lover to fill her needs.

She hugged her pillow and looked up. "Most are old... B bought at least half and I only ever use one or two..." she sighed tiredly.

Rachel truly was grateful she hadn't addressed the feeling of something like jealousy in her heart because if she had she may have had to address the feeling of relief that had followed Santana's admission and she certainly wasn't prepared to do that yet. "Ah," she murmured, idly stroking her fingers through Santana's hair, "Brittany."

She offered Santana a hesitant and as understanding a smile as she could, not certain that the other woman would want to discuss her former best friend. Especially not with Brittany living so obviously far away and making her life with Artie on the West Coast. So she just continued to gently comb her fingers through dark hair and sit beside her enjoying the opportunity to touch her. Rachel's hesitance to make physical contact with others had never stemmed from a lack of desire for the contact but rather a lack of understanding when such contact would be appropriate. As many of the people who'd offered some level of friendship to the young mother over the years learned, she became more physically affectionate the more she realized that such contact would be not only tolerated but occasionally even welcome.

"For what it's worth, I'm terribly sorry that your relationship with her ended as unhappily as it did. I know she was a dear friend of yours - the fact that you stayed such close friends in high school rather demonstrated that." She sighed softly with a quietly sad smile, "I admit I rather envied her for managing to retain your friendship at times."

Santana snorted and started hacking a cough. After a few minutes she calmed down. "Mmm. You wanted an emotionally unavailable lover who wouldn't be your girlfriend when you wouldn't come out?" Santana asked, "Like I mean seriously, not as good as it looked from the outside that relationship."

Rachel's lips twitched in an almost smile, "Well, perhaps not the emotionally distant lover part. While I may have occasionally appreciated your ability to look highly attractive in apparently anything you chose to wear in high school, I highly doubt that I would have been open to the idea of trysts of that nature with you back then, Santana. What I envied was that, unlike myself, she managed to maintain your friendship."

Santana sneezed and groaned pulling Rachel to sit closer to her on the bed. "Nah. Would have killed each other. Plus I don't think she was ever gay or bi... I was just here. Stupid girl things." she smiled softly, her shaking stopping when the medication hit her system. She smiled sadly pulling at her sheets to cover herself again. "S'okay." she shrugged, "we both moved on and she's straight and married to the crippled boy."

"Yes, and from what I heard, she is happy and working as a choreographer on the West Coast. I realize that you would likely much preferred her to find her happiness at your side, but perhaps this is for the best?" Rachel shrugged, catching her lip between her teeth and looking down at the floor, "And I realize that I am hardly a suitable substitute on any level from her, but, for what it is worth, you do have my friendship, Santana. You always have."

"You are already so much more of a friend than she was," Santana explained, "you care about me for more than my sweet lady kisses." She curled up slightly, "We can not talk about her, it's been like ten years and I got married and forgot her. It's perfect now. I have you."

Rachel maneuvered until she was lying on her back and Santana was curled into her side with her head on her shoulder. Her fingers continued to comb gently through her friend's dark hair as she laid quiet for a moment listening to see if Alex was fussing where she'd laid him down for a nap before coming in to check on Santana. She didn't quite understand - or want to look to closely at - the warm feeling she felt when Santana said she had her. It felt too much like something she shouldn't be feeling, so she shied away from it.

"Of course, you have me, Santana," she murmured instead, turning her head to press a gentle kiss to a fevered brow, "You're my best friend and, as far as I'm concerned, you always have been - even during the unpleasantness of high school. And of _course_, I care for you for more than your _sweet lady kisses_," her brow furrowed for a moment as she tried to figure out what that could be a euphemism for before she gave up and just moved on, "why else would I have stood up for you when that moronic teacher in the second grade tried to imply you were lacking intelligence because you couldn't read in English yet?"

"He hated me cuz I was hyper," she said dazedly. "He tried to make he sit in a corner when I was bad and I'd freak on him," she shrugged, buzzing Rachel's neck. "I'm glad I got diagnosed before high school though, Coach used to make us stand still until we cried."

"Diagnosed?" Rachel focused on that because it was easier than thinking about the way her skin tingled when Santana kissed it, "You didn't seem bad to me. No one likes sitting in the corner and he never bothered to take the time to give you the assistance you needed coming from growing up in a different language. In my opinion, it was his own fault you were disruptive." She gave the taller woman a hug, "You always cheered me up when I was sad and looked out for me with the bigger kids though - which, I must admit, was nearly everyone. I thought you were perfect."

"You're biased," she shrugged, pulling away to cough before snuggling in again. "I don't know... I was a hazard to learning environments because of my ADHD." She nodded towards the medication, "School tried to suspend me cuz it didn't have special Ed to allow me to figure out what was wrong."

Rachel shrugged, reaching to the nightstand to retrieve a tissue for Santana, "I don't particularly care if I am biased. You're my friend and I care for you the way you are, not the way society might insist you should be. So you have ADHD. So what? I'm certain the condition can be more effectively managed now that you're aware of it and are an adult." She pressed a kiss to the top of Santana's head, "You are far more than just a diagnosis, Santana Lopez. You're amazing just as you are."

"S'okay." she slurred softly with a stuffy nose. "medication makes me less unruly and helps me function. Been on it since I was eleven... Just helps. Then the other stuff helps anxiety and depression," she shrugged and snuggled into the woman's embrace again, her lips brushing Rachel's neck once in awhile, "they work."

The smaller woman frowned, unable to control the micro-shivers running through her skin with every brush of Santana's lips against her skin but trying to ignore them, "Perhaps they work now, but medication decreases in effectiveness over time. What will you do when the amount you need to achieve the same desired effect reaches toxic levels? Santana, have you ever considered attempt to go without your medication for a period of time? Perhaps you have managed to reach a point where you are capable of coping without foreign chemicals coursing through your body."

"I've tried..." she said softly. "the ADHD meds make me shaky when I go off. I can't function without the other two Rachel." she said before rolling away and coughing hard. She flopped on her stomach and couldn't find the energy to roll back over.

"Don't feel good," she whined and wheezed into her bed where she ended up.

Rachel sighed softly and wrapped her arms around Santana to help shift her back onto her back, propping the other pillows on the bed behind her so she was sitting in a more reclined position so she could breath easier. "As I understand it, ADHD medications tend to be stimulants, Santana, so it's likely not too terribly different from weaning yourself off caffeine. Yes, you'll be shaky, but once you've cleared it from your system, you'll feel better. Also," she leaned over and gently kissed a hot cheek, "this time you have me to help you get through it. Just like when we were kids and I helped you learn to read English, remember?"

Finishing settling Santana, she tucked the comforter carefully around her, "Now, how about if I make you some soup? Perhaps you'll feel a bit better with some food in you and it may help to cushion any negative effects taking your medications on a empty stomach may have."

She pouted and slowly nodded when Rachel wouldn't relent, but she suddenly felt nauseous violently thrashing and leaning over her bed's edge to vomit into her garbage pail. She dry heaved for a few minutes whimpering as her body wracked through with sobs.

Rachel recoiled slightly away when Santana lunged for the pail, but she carefully rubbed her back for a moment, trying to soothe her, before getting up and returning shortly with a cool, damp washcloth from the bathroom. "I'll take that as a definite _no_ on the food then," she remarked wryly as she carefully wiped Santana's face clean, much as she would for one of the children if they were sick. Picking up the pail she carefully pulled the liner out and carried it to the kitchen to toss it out before returning with a fresh one and a rinsed and recooled washcloth.

Carefully draping the washcloth around Santana's neck, she relined the can. "Just rest, sweetheart. Sleep and rest." A wry grimace twisted her lips, "I'm definitely not looking forward to my turn with this illness, though I am certain it will occur soon enough. I'm never immune to what those little rascals bring home." She especially wasn't looking forward to trying to take care of the children _and_ herself while ill either.

"I'll take care of you. When you sick, I take care" She whispered, as her head lolled back and her eyes blinked closed. "Guess we'll see what no medications does." She said as she fell asleep clutching onto her blanket.

Rachel chuckled softly as she gently brushed back the hair of the sleeping woman and smiled at her warmly. "I hope you know what you're getting into, Santana." Leaning down she moved to press at kiss to her cheek, except Santana shifted at the last moment and she ended up kissing the corner of her lips instead.

Pulling back with her fingers pressed to her lips, she looked troubled for a moment, but she carefully tucked the covers around Santana and slipped from the room, leaving the door open so she could hear her if she called for her. Moving to her own room, she got Alex from his crib and opened her laptop so she could work while she fed the youngest of the children. Typing quickly and gently bouncing her son, she rearranged Santana's day, clearing it entirely and sending a quick series of emails to the people who worked directly under her best friend to let them know she was taking a sick day so they could step in and handle things which couldn't be moved.

* * *

><p>A few hours later Santana got up, pulled on a sweatshirt and tugged it over her head and grabbed her comforter and wrapped it around her body and slid her feet over the cold wooden floors down the hall and into the living room. She slid into the kitchen and leaned against the counter and tried to turn on the stove and boil water without lighting her blanket on fire.<p>

Hearing movement that sounded suspiciously like the woman she distinctly remembered having _told_ to stay _in_ bed moving about, Rachel closed her laptop and resettled Alex in his crib, turning on the mobile hanging above his head so he could play. Slipping out of the room, she made her way down the hall to the kitchen, where she leaned on the door frame and watched Santana for a moment with one brow raised. "I am fairly certain that I distinctly recall telling you to stay in bed and call me if you needed anything."

She shook her head and headed into the room, directing Santana to at least sit in a chair while she fiddled with the stove, getting it lit to burn off the gas the sick woman had accidentally released into the kitchen. "What were you attempting to do anyway?"

"Tea." She rasped, her voice horse with effort. She sat down and curled her knees up so she could rest her head onto them. She pulled her blanket around her, her head covered with the thick hood of the dark green sweatshirt and the grey blanket. Her hand was shaking as she pulled it around her more. "Throat hurt." She explained.

Rachel nodded, filling the kettle with water and setting it to boil as she prepared a couple mugs with tea bags. Looking back over her shoulder, she glanced at Santana appraisingly. "Lemon, I think, for you. And honey. Something to soothe the ache that I have no doubt is troubling your throat right now." Getting the required items out of the cabinets took a bit of effort - and judicial use of the step stool in the corner - but she managed to assemble everything by the time the kettle whistled.

Carefully pouring the hot water into the two mugs, she added a spoonful of lemon juice and a healthy dose of honey to Santana's mug before carrying them over to the small kitchen table. "Here we are. And careful, sweetheart, it's exceedingly hot." She couldn't help the small mothering touches, more used to caring for sick children than adults.

Santana mumbled a soft thank you and took the tea with shaking hand when they poked out of her blanket. She took a sip and then placed it down onto the table and placed her head back down on her knees. She coughed into her blanket and looked back at Rachel pathetically, she tried to speak and found little to no voice left and pouted more. She grabbed the pad of paper and crayon that laid on the table and quickly scribbled out, _Bath?_

Her normally smooth penmanship was interrupted with shivers and trembling of her hand.

Rachel glanced at the paper and raised a brow, "You can certainly take a bath if you wish. Do you feel as if you may need my assistance?"

Santana nodded pathetically, "Help." her voice rasped out, she gave into the fact she was to dizzy to get up. She really only meant to have Rachel help her into the bathroom. "Dizzy." She offered up trying to get her point across.

"Well, if you insist, all you need to do is ask me," Rachel responded with the same sort of gentle smile she gave her children when they were sick. "Let me go run the water and I'll be back to help you to the bathroom, okay?"

Dropping a kiss to Santana's forehead as she passed, she made her way down the hall to the bathroom, pausing to check on Alex before entering and setting the tub to fill. On a whim, she added a little eucalyptus oil to the hot water, letting the clean smelling fragrance fill the bathroom. It helped when Cale and Kayla were sick, so she was willing to try and see if it could help Santana as well.

Santana nodded and her head fell back to her knees after she drank another mouthful of tea as Rachel left. She could hear soft humming from the small diva and the water started running and filling the bathtub in the other room. Santana groaned, she felt like she was dying. On top of the flu symptoms, her body was burning a higher fever with the fact she was coming off her medications. She just wanted to curl up and hide from everything and sleep til everything stopped hurting and spinning.

Heading back out once the tub was full, Rachel leaned down in front of her friend and held her arms out to help her up, "Are you ready for your bath now?"

Santana nodded and allowed Rachel to pull the blanket off. She leaned on Rachel when the smaller woman's arms slid around her waist. They walked to the bathroom and Santana sat on the lid of the toilet when Rachel more or less ordered her to _sit_. Santana let out a soft, wheezy laugh when Rachel squeezed in some of Cale's Batman bubbles into the hot water. "Tank' you." She let out after a sneeze.

Rachel knelt by the tub, gently swirling the water until the bubbles frothed up before she set a hand on the edge of the tub and turned to Santana with a gentle smile, "Alright then, your bath is prepared. Do you think you can manage to get in on your own or would you prefer additional assistance? I should inform you that I do have quite a bit of experience assisting with near invalid bathing, though it should be easier since you are hardly as ill as Jesse and quite a bit smaller beside."

"Don't make fun of me." Santana whimpered as she struggled to try to take off her sweatshirt. She tugged her arms out and ended up getting stuck and frustrated at the fact she could neither manage alone nor had the energy to get out on her own. She gathered energy for a second and grunted with frustration. "Rae...!" She exclaimed as she held out her arms. "Help!"

Rachel had to bite her lip to keep from chuckling at the sight of the normally so self-assured and self-contained woman trapped in her clothing. It was, quite possibly, the most adorable she'd ever seen the Latina behaving at it warmed her heart to be able to be the one who was able to witness it. "I would never make fun of you, Santana, especially not while you are incapacitated by illness," she barely managed to keep the warm amusement out of her voice as she assisted the other woman out of the tangle of her clothing.

"Hate being sick." She whimpered and popped her now unruly hair covered head out of the shirt. She tugged off the tank top that sheathed her clammy body. She hadn't bothered putting on a bra this morning and she pulled herself up and pushed off her sweatpants. Years of Cheerios had made her comfortable with being naked and especially now that she was sick she really didn't care too much about her body being exposed to her best friend. She grabbed onto Rachel's arm as she moved to the bathtub and eased herself down into the hot suds.

"Warm." She sighed, sinking down as far into the water as she could. Her head was the only thing exposed once she sunk deep into the tub.

Brushing some dark hair back behind Santana's ear, Rachel watched her with a little concern for a moment. She felt she'd done an admirable job of disregarding the nude body of her friend and the awkward tingling sensation that'd washed through her at the feeling of the other woman's breasts pressing against her arm as she leaned on her. A soft flush colored her cheeks, but she was fairly certain it was warm enough in the bathroom to explain the light flush.

"Do you want me to keep you company or give you privacy for your bath, Santana?"

Her eyes blinked up lazily at her friend. She sat up a bit, trying to relieve the onset dizzy spell that occurred when her already feverish body ended up getting hotter with the water. "Stay... Please." Santana looked up her eyes blinking as she locked gaze with Rachel. They stayed looking at each other for several moments before she pulled away and looked back at the bubbles. "I mean. You must have other things to do..."

"I need to check on Alex and feed him in a little bit, but Ajay promised me that he would pick Kayla and Cale up from school and you are my job." Rachel offered a little smile to try an relieve the awkward feeling of the moment, "If you want me to, aside from preparing dinner and bathing the children and preparing them for bed, I can spend the majority of my time in your company today if it would facilitate you feeling better sooner, Santana."

Santana nodded and laid her head on the side of the tub, she closed her eyes and just listened to the splashing of the water and Rachel's voice for a few moments. "Sing to me?" She asked softly.

For a moment, she hesitated - she hadn't _really_ snag since Jesse had become too ill to join his voice with hers, nothing more than tiny things like nursery songs and lullabies for the children - but eventually she smiled, a little sadly, and nodded. "Certainly, Santana. What would you like to hear?"

"Don't know." She said, as she looked up. "Too hot." She struggled to get out of the tub, "help please." She reached out her arms once she stood up and reached for her towel. Santana shivered as the water dripped off her body and down into the vat of water. "Come bring 'Lex and sing to us." Santana asked as she tried to grab the towel from Rachel.

She reached into the water and pulled the drain, letting it swirl out of the tub before standing and carefully wrapping the towel around Santana before helping her out of the tub. "Don't worry about the clothes, I'll collect them for the laundry in a little while and you should put on something clean and dry, besides."

Rachel wrapped one arm around Santana's waist, the other holding her wrist in a loose grasp to keep her arm over her shoulders. Carefully, she helped the other woman out of the bathroom and back down the hall to her bedroom. "We'll get you comfortably tucked into bed with nice, comfortable pajamas and then I'll get Alex fed and bring him in to cuddle with us until the children come home. How does that sound?"

Santana nodded and let Rachel guide her into the bedroom. Her eyes didn't stay open as Rachel struggled to get her into come new clothing. "Thank you." Santana whispered as she collapsed into her bed and looked up with Rachel with drooping eyes. "Love you." she whispered as she tumbled into a deep sleep.

Rachel hesitated for a moment before smiling softly and leaning down to kiss her friends feverish forehead. "I love you too, sweetheart," she murmured tucking the blankets around her.

It wasn't a lie or an exaggeration on her part - she did love the Latina, she was the dearest friend she'd ever had and a member of the odd little family they were creating. But her lip became caught between her teeth as she walked away. She shouldn't have felt that heated thrill in her chest when the other woman expressed the simple sentiment. It wasn't right. Santana was her _best friend_ and she'd only just buried her Jesse not even six months ago.

It wasn't right. The illicit feelings she was beginning to become aware of were disrespectful. Both to Jesse's memory and to Santana. Perhaps Rachel had always been aware of the physical attractiveness of both genders, but she took her vows of marriage quite seriously and there was nothing to indicate that Santana's inclinations went in that fashion - with the exception of Brittany, of course. It was troubling and disconcerting. Rachel had no intention of ruining their friendship over what was likely little more than a hormonal imbalance and the frustration of not being able to properly relieve her libido in so long, so she resolved to simply ignore it.


	21. Chapter 21: Celebration

**Chapter 21**

Santana barged through the front door of the house before kicking it closed behind her. "RACHEL!" She hollered, her arms full of paper bags. She had been working like 80 hours a week for the last few trying to land a major artist that was looking to revamp his music and image. Tobias had taken the first meeting, but he managed to turn the artist off of Avalon Records.

Rachel had taken the lead in convincing the artist to give Avalon another chance, even convincing the man to take a meeting with Santana. The tiny diva did recon and found out the potential client's favorite everything and set up a meeting that stroked his ego and made him fall in love with Santana. Santana just had to show up, wear a tight dress and charm the hell out of him and it worked.

Santana was almost relieved that the kids had gone to stay with their grandparents for the weekend because she had _plans_. She knew that Rachel didn't drink much, but this caused for celebration. Alex was close to 10 months old now and he was weening off being nursed so she wouldn't have to worry about him and she needed to relax - they both did - and to help celebrate both the client and the fact Santana had decided to promote Rachel from being her personal assistant to working with the head of Artist Relations.

"We's be getting our drank on! Rachel! Get your fine fine ass down here!" She yelled, putting the two bags on the counter with a heavy thump.

Rachel stepped out of the bathroom with a confused expression, drying her hands on a small towel which she tossed into the hamper in the bathroom before walking down to see what the ruckus was about. Her eyes widened as she took in the assorted bottles Santana was pulling out of one of the bags, "Santana Lopez, what ever are you intending with all of those intoxicants? Causing an advanced case of alcohol poisoning?"

She came over and picked up one of the bottles, reading the label, "Tequila?" she picked up another bottle, "Rum? Santana, you're not intending on entertaining clients here are you? You didn't say anything about it at the office before I left..." She eyed the rest of the alcohol with trepidation.

"Nope." She said as she gathered the woman into a hug. "We are _celebrating_. You and I scored the biggest client _ever_ in Avalon Records history!" She beamed, spinning the smaller woman around a bit before setting her down. "You are a rock star and totally fucking made this shit _happen_!" she kissed the woman's cheek before bounding down the hall and shucking her work clothing off and pulling on a tight tank top and shorts.

Rachel followed nervously. She wasn't at all certain that alcohol was required for celebration, after all. "Santana, language, please. It doesn't matter if the children aren't here, you should cultivate the home as a swearing free zone so you don't accidentally swear in front of them when they _are_ here. And do we truly need intoxicants for the purpose of celebration?"

She was nervous for more reasons than a general sort of hesitancy to get drunk. Despite her best efforts to ignore it, those unsettling feelings directed towards the other woman had not diminished in the slightest. Worse they seemed to have increased in intensity and Rachel was mildly terrified that the introduction of intoxicants - particularly in close proximity to the _cause_ of the troubling feelings - might make them painfully obvious. And the last thing she wanted was for Santana to discover her awkward feelings regarding her, ruin their friendship and leave her and the children homeless.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Look, we pulled off the biggest hat trick in the music business. All I wanna do is chill at home _with you_ and get our drink on." She pulled her hair into a ponytail and washed her face removing her makeup and leaving her fresh faced and beaming. "Please... Please just play tonight? I never ask you to do anything like this. We don't have the kids, you're not nursing right now... come on what do you have to lose?" She pouted, knowing Rachel couldn't resist it. "It's not like we're going to a bar and are around creepy ass people who will take advantage of us. It's _us_, in our _home_."

She worried at her lower lip, still uncertain but unable to really resist the sight of Santana pouting at her. Finally, she sighed and nodded, "Okay. But," she quickly added, "there is no possible way we are drinking that absurd amount of liquor you brought home with you. What did you do, buy the store out?"

Santana shook her head and snatched Rachel's hand and dragged her back into the kitchen unpacking the bags. One bottle of tequila, small bottles of vodka and rum and a large bottle of wine. "We needed wine anyway." She shrugged and grabbed two juice glasses down and cracked open the bottle of tequila. "I didn't know what you liked." She shrugged talking as she went into the fridge and grabbed two bottles of water, two lemons and a bottle of ginger ale. "Alright first you're doing a shot with me." She explained as she cut the lemon up and grabbed the salt shaker, "Then I'm making you a drink that tastes like cake." She smiled.

Santana poured the tequila into the bottom of the juice glasses measuring out to about an ounce and a half, she took Rachel's wrist and swiped a booze drenched finger across the skin and shook some salt onto it before handing her the glass in the other hand. "Lick, drink then suck." She pointed to each Rachel's wrist, the drink and the lemon wedge.

Rachel regarded the shot and the vaguely sticky feeling smear on her wrist with trepidation, "Santana, I really do not drink much or often. I still retain the unfortunate memories from our junior year of high school after all."

She sniffed lightly at the glass, recoiling as the sharp tang of alcohol hit her nose. "Oh my goodness, do I truly have to drink this?" Even during the train wreck that was her attempt at a party she'd never done straight shots, Noah refusing to pour her anything but mixed drinks.

Santana downed her shot without a wince and grabbed the vanilla vodka and poured a liberal amount into a glass with ice and ginger ale. "If you won't drink that," she nodded at shot, "Drink this." She slid her the glass. "Tastes like cake... I even got Kurt drunk on it once. It's good." She smiled and kissed Rachel's cheek. "Trust me."

The hesitation in Rachel's expression told plenty about how she felt about Santana's strange desire to cause her to become intoxicated. But she took the glass - after washing the unpleasant stickiness off her wrist - and took a sip like Santana asked her too. Even with the ginger ale and flavoring, the alcohol burned as it slid down her throat. She winced and coughed slightly - it was painfully obvious just how inexperienced she was with the hard liquors.

Santana shook her head and grabbed the abandoned shot and downed it. "I just wanna celebrate, okay? I'm not trying to make you do anything you don't want to do..." She shrugged and went into the pantry and grabbed a bag of pretzels and put some in a bowl. "Wanna watch a movie? Or do something else?" She asked as she carried the bowl and the tequila into the living room.

"We can watch a movie, I don't mind," Rachel spoke softly with a quiet sigh, feeling like she was ruining Santana's good mood by her uncomfortableness with drinking as a celebratory pastime. She simply didn't understand the desire to imbibe quantities of alcohol in sufficient levels to _forget_ the cause of the celebratory mood in the first place.

She followed Santana out into the living room, taking a seat across the sofa from the other woman. She didn't wish to appear overly familiar, especially in a situation where they were alone together. Nervous, she took another sip from the drink in her hand, forgetting about the alcoholic content until the burn hit her throat making her gasp slightly.

"You don't have to drink that..." Santana said as she flipped through the channels on the tv. She sipped out of her glass and kept her gaze on the television but watched Rachel out of the corner of her eye. "I shouldn't have asked you to drink. Do you want wine? Like you can open that if you want..."

Santana felt guilty, she wanted to let a bit loose and do something _adult_ with her best friend. Their whole lives revolved around playdates and work. She loved the kids but this was the first time in ten months that all three kids had been with the grandparents. She flicked through the channels looking around trying to find something for them to watch.

When Santana started telling her she didn't have to drink and started behaving as if she felt guilty, Rachel felt even worse. Her friend had been happy and excited when she'd arrived home, but it had only taken a few minutes for Rachel to kill that playful atmosphere entirely with her insecurities. She sighed softly then smiled as bright as she could manage over at the other woman, "No, it's fine. I like it, see?"

With that she drained the glass down to the ice. It took all of her not inconsiderable acting skills to keep from wincing at the burn and her eyes watered fiercely but she smiled through it, "It's very tasty, Santana."

Santana just shook her head. "You're lying but okay... It's kosher if you don't want to drink." She shook her head and landed on a random show. "Thank you for making this deal happened." She smiled looking over at Rachel, "You made it happen, it wouldn't have without you."

Rachel blushed at the compliment but shrugged, feeling the unfamiliar warmth of the alcohol beginning to course through her system. "Hardly, Santana. All I did was set things up to allow you to work your not inconsiderable charms upon him. Once that had occurred, there was no other alternative than to sign with you. I'm your assistant, Santana. It is my responsibility to make such things occur as frequently as possible after all."

Santana rolled her eyes and finished the rest of her drink before getting up and snatching Rachel's glass and going to refill it. She sauntered back in the room and slid the ice chilled drink into the diva's hand and she smiled before slinking back onto the couch and moving to rest her head in the woman's lap.

"You're the best. That's why everyone wants you on their team. Artist relations is practically begging me to let you go work with them to use your _talents_ elsewhere." Santana stated, "I'm really proud of you, you know? Work is so much better now with you there and working with me."

Rachel chuckled softly, taking a sip of her refilled drink and gently combing her fingers through the dark hair flowing over her lap. "They can want me on their teams as much as they want, but I'm on _your_ team, and that is where I intend on staying." She took another sip, having become more accustomed to the burn and hardly wincing, "Forgive me for saying so, but I truly don't care overly much about Avalon Records, Santana. I care about _you_ and you're the only one I want to work with or for."

It was a fairly large speech for the headily warm feeling from the alcohol growing stronger and stronger in her chest. A couple of the words slurred slightly as she spoke but she didn't seem to notice. She took another sip of her drink as she finished.

"I was gonna offer to let you go try it out over there..." Santana admitted, "Though, I'd still make you work for me because my office has never run so smoothly... but you can choose. If you wanna learn about development you can, artist relations too. But if you wanna stay with me? I'd love that too." She leaned up a bit taking a swig straight out of the bottle on the table near them before settling her head back in Rachel's lap practically purring with Rachel began stroking down her neck.

"Santana," her voice was almost a purr from the warm sensations burning through her as she took another pull on her drink, "I don't particularly desire to learn to wheedle and cajole grown men and women into putting effort into their artistic designs. So the other departments can desire my _talents_ all they like, but you are the only one I intend to use them for the benefit of."

Santana giggled, her body vibrating slightly at Rachel's comments. "Mmm I think I like the idea of that." She husked, her voice dropping to a deeper tone. She looked up and smiled before drinking more to try to push down the warm sensations that being like this with Rachel was causing her to feel.

Slightly flustered by Santana's comment and the way the other woman's body vibrated in her lap, Rachel drained the remainder of her drink and tried to avoid looking at Santana's lips but it was proving difficult. She licked her lips and sucked an ice cube into her mouth from her drink and crunched it into pieces. "I like this," she whispered, trying hard to look anywhere but her friend's full lips, ignoring the fuzzy buzzing sensation in her head, "spending time with you in the quiet like this.

"Getting our cuddle on." Santana nodded, looking and quickly looking away and biting her lip when she watched Rachel's lips sucking on an ice cube. She whimpered and quickly reached for the bottle drinking down a hearty gulp. She knew her feelings for Rachel were beyond friendly, but her very straight house mate never seemed to shrug off her affections so for the last few months she had stopped trying to hide and just let herself act loving towards Rachel... but then she'd do something overtly sexual without knowing and drive Santana crazy. "I like it too." She whispered putting the bottle down and sitting up slowly.

When Santana pulled away from her, Rachel had the awful feeling she was staring at her with her jaw dropped. She felt terribly like she'd done something wrong to make the other woman want to pull away and it made a terribly anxious feeling surge into her chest. For one awful second she felt like perhaps Santana had figured out that her feelings towards her fiery housemate were inappropriate and it disgusted the other woman.

"I..." she began but didn't know what to say, "I'm sorry... Whatever I did... I didn't mean it.". Her voice was tiny and soft and she was fairly certain Santana couldn't even hear her. She curled up against the arm of the sofa and fought with her body's insistence that she wanted to cry.

Santana scrunched her face up, "Why you sad?" She asked, putting her fingers under Rachel's chin and tilting to make her look in her eyes. "I jus' couldn't sees you." She smiled and pulled Rachel by the hands to move closer. "Don't be sad, Rae." Santana smiled and pressed Rachel's forehead against her own when they toppled into each other drunkenly when Santana pulled her closer.

Rachel's eyes searched Santana's as she felt an achingly familiar tingling in her body as they pressed against each other. For a long moment she was quiet, just looking into Santana's eyes in the flickering light from the TV. "Please don't hate me," she finally whispered, "I couldn't bear it if you did."

Then she closed the small gap between them and pressed her lips fully against her best friend's. It was sloppy and messy and tasted vaguely of tequila, but it was _Santana_. And maybe she was ruining things between them and maybe Jesse would never forgive her in the beyond, but for that one intoxicatingly intoxicated moment, she didn't care about the repercussions. All she cared about was finally, _finally_ having the chance to kiss the woman who had been there for her through the worst of her life so far.

Santana's head started spinning the minute lips that tasted vaguely like vanilla and something she couldn't quite figure out attacked her own. She froze for a moment, before letting her arms fall to Rachel's waist and her hands bunched up into the other woman's shirt. She kissed back after a moment. Her tongue swiping across Rachel's lip to press for entrance. She wanted more, she _needed_ more and she hoped that Rachel wouldn't push her away. She moaned softly as she pressed her tongue into the hot crease in the diva's lips, flicking the tip up against the roof of Rachel's mouth and stroking down against her own muscle.

Santana's reaction hadn't been what she expected, but she wasn't complaining. It felt too good to tangle her hands in dark hair and press down into the woman beneath her, slipping along her tongue to slide into the waiting cavern of Santana's mouth. She knew she was far more intoxicated than she should have allowed herself to get. Knew this was going to make things terribly awkward between them. But she didn't pull away, didn't stop moving her lips against her best friend's. Didn't loosen her grip in the other woman's hair as she deepened the kiss.

The darker woman whimpered, her hands slipped under her friend's shirt and rested on the curve of her waist. She stroked her thumbs against smooth skin and pressed them closed together. Santana pulled back slightly, capturing Rachel's bottom lip between her lips and sucked gently, her nails raking down Rachel's back as she did.

Her body was on fire. She hadn't been touched in _months_ - she had been fantasizing about _Rachel_ for months - and now this was happening. No matter what, or _why_ it was going on, she wasn't willing to let it go so soon.

If the alcohol hadn't been fogging her mind, Rachel would have stopped, would have pulled away. She may have noticed women before - and been teased about it in college by Jesse - but she had never felt the desire to _act_ on that notice before the woman under her had come back into her life. But it had been over a year since anyone had touched her in a sexual manner and her body - aided by the mild intoxication making everything seemed flushed and almost electric - was insisting that she continued kissing her best friend as long as she was allowed.

She couldn't help the soft moan that escaped her lips as she dragged a hand down Santana's body. She shifted to let her hand trace along the waistband of her friend's pants as she tugged on her shirt. When she finally managed to fumble the shirt loose and got her hand on soft, warm skin - so very unlike the slightly rough firmness of Jesse's body - she whimpered softly into Santana's mouth as the kiss continued.

Santana grunted into Rachel's mouth. She had arched into the other woman's touch causing her to slightly bite down onto Rachel's plump lip. She couldn't drunkenly manage to feel up under Rachel's top and not get in the way of the other woman's exploration on herself so she tangled her hands into the long hair that fell over the diva's shoulders. She moaned into the kiss when she felt cold hands on her skin causing her to break out into goosebumps and shiver under Rachel's touch.

Rachel shivered at the bite. Jesse had so rarely been any level of rough with her - which isn't to say he wasn't passionate, far from it actually - but that he tended to treat her with tenderness and caring even at the height of passion. She had loved that about him, had loved how how much he cared for and loved her came through every action. But she'd also relished the rarer times that he took control and showed her the depth and fiery heat of his love too.

With Santana though, it was different. Beyond her being another woman instead of a man. Santana didn't restrain herself, she showed everything to the very core - be it anger or sadness or sexual passion. It was overwhelming at times and Rachel certainly wasn't up to the task of resisting now. She broke away from the kiss but didn't pull away, her lips moving to kiss and nip along the other woman's jaw and neck. Her hand slid further up to gently stroke the tips of her fingers along the underside of the woman's breasts.

"Please don't hate me," she whispered again as her lips took the other woman's earlobe into her mouth. She wasn't sure in her intoxicated state if she was talking to Santana or Jesse's memory. All she knew was that she was afraid of being hated by either of them.

Santana whimpered out loud when her sensitive neck started being peppered with kisses. She tugged at dark hair when she did, wrapping her fingers around the strands. She tilted her head and arched her back causing her to melt into her current lover's body. "I couldn't." Santana whispered through soft moans.

Rachel's lips caressed tanned skin as she breathed in the soft vanilla scent of Santana's body spray. Her hand slid further up, cupping a breast and gently rolling the stiffening nipple between her fingers. She had worked her way down and nipped at the other woman's collarbone when the familiar scent of Old Spice tickled her nose.

Her lips and hand froze on Santana's body as the scent filled her senses. Jesse had smelled like that. Even at the end the scent of his favorite aftershave and cologne had filled the area around him. Now she could smell it again and it was like he was standing beside her again.

"Jesse," she whispered as tears started trickling down her cheeks. She pulled back, her features twisted with grief and anxiety. "I'm sorry," she gasped, her voice choked with tears as her hands came up to cover her mouth, "I'm so sorry..."

Several seconds passed as Rachel sobbed. Santana's head was too cloudy, too addled with lust and confusion. "W-what?" She asked as her body struggled to settle down. Her legs curled underneath her and she reached out to touch Rachel's hand that was covering her face. "R-rachel?" She whispered, her head reeling and trying to catch up with the change from absolute lust to Rachel sobbing. "I-i'm sorry. I shouldn't... I'm sorry."

Rachel shook her head, struggling to get enough breath to speak, "My fault," she whispered, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I'm a terrible person..."

"You're not!" Santana gaped, not understanding why she'd think that. "Please... this is my fault. I shouldn't have gotten you drunk. I... I just. I shouldn't. You.. I'm a girl. You shouldn't think that I promise you. You're perfect." She whispered, looking down at her hands.

Rachel just kept shaking her head, trying to stop crying but it was too hard. "Not your fault," she gasped out, blinking against the tears, "I pushed... It's wrong of me. You're a girl... I'm married... I'm so sorry. So sorry." Her shoulders shook and she couldn't bring herself to look at Santana, "You're my best - my _only_ - friend and I've ruined _everything_. Oh God... Please don't hate me. Please don't. I won't do it again, I promise..."

Santana took Rachel's hand, "I'm sorry." she wanted to tell Rachel that she didn't have to feel guilty, but she didn't know if she believed that. "I'm gay and I fucked everything up." she whispered, "I don't hate you. I wanted to kiss you and I took it too far."

That caught her attention. Rachel looked up with wide, disbelieving eyes, tears staining her cheeks but no longer falling from her eyes. "You're _gay_?" The words were disbelieving, she slowly shook her head again, "No, that's impossible. You were married. You dated Noah and David. You slept with _Finn_. You aren't gay..." Rachel's eyes looking confused and uncertain, "Are you?"

"I slept with a lot of people in high school..." Santana said as she pulled her knees up to her chest, "I thought you knew." she said, almost surprised. "We... we've talked about Brittany? I thought you knew? I dated Dave because he was gay too and I wouldn't come out." she shook her head and took a long pull from her tequila bottle that had been forgotten. "I got married because it was easier... but I've always been into girls." She shrugged and sighed sadly. "I thought you knew. I thought you... I'll understand if you aren't comfortable around me."

Rachel just looked confused and a little distressed - Santana being straight had made it much easier to not give in to the terribly awkward attraction she had been feeling towards her. Now she didn't know what to do. She felt like she was betraying her husband's memory by being so drawn to someone - to _Santana_ - so soon after his death. It hadn't even been a full year since he had been buried. It was wrong to feel these things so soon. It made her wonder if she had truly loved him and that thought made her hand clench her shirt over her heart at the painful wrench that struck her.

"I'm..." she shook her head slowly, "Santana you're my best friend and my children love you. It's not that I feel uncomfortable with this unexpected revelation, it's just..." Her voice trembled and softened, "_Jesse_..."

"Yeah." Santana replied with what sounded like a sigh as she slumped into the couch. "Look we can just forget this... I promise it won't effect us okay? I promise." She didn't want any of this to happen, all Santana knew was that she couldn't loose another friend because of a situation that involved her libido.

Rachel didn't know how to explain that she was starting to think that perhaps she _wanted_ it to effect them. She was lonely without Jesse and every day was hard without that warm comfort of knowing there was someone out there who could love her. Not like her parents or the children, but someone who simply _desired_ her.

But she also couldn't get past the awful feeling she was betraying Jesse and the vows she'd made when she'd married him. The promises they'd made each other over their newborn daughter's tiny form after she has been born. Promises to always love each other and be there for that precious little girl.

Now though, Jesse was gone and Rachel was just _lost_. "I don't want to forget," she whispered, twisting her fingers together. "You're my best friend... But i don't want to forget. I'm just so... _confused_ right now..."

"You're allowed to be confused." Santana stated, "I'm here... not going no where." Her words faltered as she got more and more drunk off the bottle in her grasp. "Jesse was your husband... He'd want you to be happy not sad anymore."

Santana curled up around her bottle, her long fingers clutching the glass. "I liked it." She admitted her gaze on the yellowish liquid that took up less than half the bottle now. "In case you wondered."

Rachel glanced at Santana out of the corner of her eyes, licking her still slightly swollen lips. "I..." she hesitated slightly, a blush spreading over her cheeks, "I did too. I shouldn't," she shook her head, looking down at her hands, "I'm married and I _shouldn't_ but," she sighed softly, twisting her hands anxiously, "I did."

Santana kept her eyes down. "You're a widow." She stated quietly, "You're not cheating." her head cradled against the couch and the pillow. She didn't want to hurt the other woman more but she was guilting herself and hiding behind a term that wasn't legally binding anymore. Santana sighed and took another sip. "I know this must be hard..."

Rachel sighed, "I know that, Santana. I _know_ he's gone. But," her hand pressed to her chest over her heart, "I still _feel_ like I'm doing something wrong. It hasn't even been a _year_, Santana... Did I really love him? How can I be feeling like this if I did?"

"If you didn't love him..." Santana stated, looking little less lucid than before. "You wouldn't have stopped. Or you wouldn't feel like you do right now." she rolled her head to the side to look at Rachel. "When I was with Tobias... I slept with someone else. I didn't feel guilty. I didn't even care." She took a gulp and determined that she needed to stop drinking and she struggled to put the bottle back on the coffee table without falling off the couch. "You kissed me and cried... you love him."

She still looked distressed, "But I like you... I like you a _lot_, Santana." Her voice was barely above a faint whisper as she stared at her wringing hands, trying to make sense of everything through the fog of alcohol still clouding her mind, "I don't know what to do..."

Santana felt the room spinning, the confusion and booze clouding her head. "I think... Sleep on it." She groaned as she tried to move and found herself dizzy. "I think I'm really drunk." she looked at the bottle that was more than half empty. "really drunk." she blinked her eyes closed and tried to hide her confusion about everything. "I think we should go to bed..."

Rachel was grateful she'd indulged less than Santana had - even if the room _did_ seem decidedly unstable as she nodded, "That sounds... like a remarkably good idea, Santana. If I assist you, will you assist me?" She glanced towards the hall with some trepidation, "I'm not entirely certain I currently posses sufficient agility to safely gain my bed without assistance right now..."

Santana's face scrunched up not fully comprehending the words. "What?" She asked, stumbling as she got up, not really paying attention to fact her shirt was still pushed up from when Rachel had felt her up. She pulled herself to standing, her body swaying slightly as she did. She reached her hand down and helped Rachel to her feet as she held onto the side of the couch. "I think..." she lost her train of thought as she clutched the walls. She held one hand flat against the wall and the second one clutching onto Rachel's arm. She turned to Rachel's bedroom and stumbled over onto the bed. "Found bed."

Rachel chuckled at the sight of Santana flopped face down on her bed as she leaned on the door frame, "So you did."

She stumbled into the room, pulling her shirt off over her head as she moved across the room, more focused on going to bed than worrying about her friend seeing her partially unclothed. She tumbled to the bed, stretching out beside Santana lying sideways on the bed in just her bra and sweatpants.

She rolled slightly towards her friend, reaching out to hug her. "I'm sorry I provided such an impediment and impairment to your good mood, Santana," she murmured softly. "I'm so proud of you for signing your new client."

The drunk woman smiled and curled into Rachel. "I'm proud of you too." She nodded against her shoulder, "My success is yours." she slurred as she spoke wrapping her arms around the woman's bare waist.

"You didn't stop my good mood. I was happy when you were alls up in my grill." she giggled against Rachel. "_Alls_ up in my grill."

Rachel rolled her eyes at the drunken teasing. "Perhaps you did, but," she let herself kiss Santana on the cheek - deeming that a safe place - and snuggled close, grateful the other woman hadn't made her leave after the awkwardness of earlier, "I believe it would be best if it did not occur again until I have resolved my feelings with regards to you and my Jesse."

"You need to stop," she motioned to her cheek where Rachel had kissed her, "doing that then." Santana whispered her lips puffed against Rachel's skin. "Please respect me enough to not play with my heart." she stated as she started lulling into sleep.

Rachel pulled away with a sigh and an ache in her heart as she rolled over and hugged herself. "Okay," she whispered, not at all certain how to stop herself from the casual intimacy she'd developed with the other woman, "I'm sorry. I'll do my best not to touch you like that any longer."

"I hope you can figure out how you feel soon." Santana mumbled shivering and pulling the blanket from under her head to hold in her arms. "I don't wanna wait for you forever." she mumbled mostly to herself as she fell into a fitful sleep.

Rachel shivered for a little while before getting up and stumbling back to the closet to pull on a sweater and slip out to the living room again. She didn't trust herself not to reach for the other woman in her sleep and felt like she wanted to cry. She had no idea how she was going to figure things out.

Sitting on the sofa, she stared at her hands for a long while before deciding she needed someone's help. Picking up her phone, she dialed a number she had memorized years ago in much happier times. It rang a few times before it was picked up but soon a quiet voice spoke from the other end.

"Hello?" Rachel's voice trembled slightly as she spoke - softly to avoid waking Santana, "Maria? I'm terribly sorry to bother you at such a late hour, but... Can we talk?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Love us? Hate us? Want more? Well, guess what there's like a redic amount of chapters already written for after this one. Sio and I both post 3x a week on here and LJ. So get comfy readers, this is only the beginning. **


	22. Chapter 22: Family Day

**Chapter 22**

Santana laid back, stretching out on the plaid blanket. She wore small denim shorts that hugged the top of her thighs and a thick strapped tank top with a haltered green haltered bikini underneath. She had on her aviator sunglasses and her hair was in a loose braid that hung over her shoulder and chest. She had her eyes closed, but one ear listening to the loud giggling and chatter of the children frolicking in the grass. She smiled to herself when she heard Rachel call for them to stop running so fast.

"Let them play." Santana said as she soaked up the sun rays. It was the first Sunday in awhile sheﾒd been able to participate in family activities because of her work load.

Rachel frowned over at Santana, "You can let them play when you're the one sitting in a waiting room waiting desperately to hear how badly their little bones have broken when they trip and fall, Santana."

She came over and sat down on the plaid blanket with her friend though, adjusting the lay of her gray skirt as she did. It wasn't that she didn't want the children to have fun, but she worried about them. It was her prerogative as their mother after all, she thought. Even as she settled down beside her friend, her eyes moved between the two older children playing in the grass with a large ball and Alex toddling about on the other side of Santana, his arms out to balance and a happy smile on his face.

"I still can't believe you talked me into letting you put that shirt on him," she added, nodding at the _It's hard out here for a pimp_ shirt on the baby.

Santana laughed her eyes still closed as she remembered finding that shirt on a trip to LA recently. "All the ladies love Alex," she stated with a head nod, "he be straight pimpin' yo." she smirked.

His mother shook her head with a wry grin, "Santana Lopez, you are going to give him an ego before he's even old enough to begin attending kindergarten."

A couple of young men walking along the nearby path paused and smiled at the pair. "The two of you have quite the lovely family," the younger looking of the pair called, "don't you think so, Ryan?"

The taller of the two chuckled and squeezed the arm he had around the younger man's waist. "They do indeed, Chuck, but let's leave the girls alone with their kids now, okay?"

As they were talking, Alex stumbled over and flopped across Santana's stomach with a laughing, "Ma!"

Santana pushed herself up and looked between the kids, the men and Rachel. She didnﾒt know what to say. She just stayed quiet and watched the expressions on Rachelﾒs face. She got pushed back down when Alex flopped down onto her.

"Ooof!" She exclaimed, and rested her hand onto his back. "Watch yourself, killer." She smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair. When he looked at her and exclaimed, _Ma_ she froze.

"She's over there, buddy." She pointed at Rachel and his gaze didn't change.

The little boy just laughed and reached for Santana, "Ma!" He squealed, inching closer, "Ma!"

Rachel glanced over from where she was watching the other two kids, but declined to comment, waiting to see how Santana would handle it. She'd noticed the awkward name the little boy attached to Santana a couple weeks earlier shortly after he started talking. "Cale! Don't eat things off the ground!"

Santana held him, watching his face as he continued to call her _Ma_. She didnﾒt know what to do. She hadnﾒt really heard him speak before, just little babblings of baby language. "Alejandro." She said softly, her fingers running through his dark black baby hair. ﾓWhat are you doing?ﾔ She whispered, pressing her head against his in confusion.

"Aww, Ryan, they're so adorable!" Chuck squealed, clutching at his companion's shoulder.

Ryan smiled awkwardly and tried pulling the younger man away, "That they are. Come on now, let's leave them be..."

Alex gurgled happily and patted Santana's cheeks with his little hands, "Ma." After a bit of Santana not smiling like he wanted he wiggled and frowned before reaching over to Rachel, "Mama?"

Santana finally realized what was happening she was suddenly beyond happy she had sunglasses on because her eyes had begun to water. "Rachel?" Santana asked, not sure what she should do. "He... I..." she stumbled and tripped over her words.

Rachel looked over when Santana called and smiled, "Yes?"

Alex cooed and gurgled before calling, "Mama!" and reaching out for Rachel again.

Rachel laughed and reached over to take his hand which pleased him. "The talking? He started a couple of weeks ago. I'm rather surprised you haven't heard him yet."

"I only see him when he's sleepy lately." She said kinda dazed, her eyes still locked on the baby. She laid back down and let him flop on her torso and he drooled and left kisses on Santanaﾒs neck. "Oh God, baby drool..." she whined as she reached for Rachel's skirt edges to wipe it off. "Get it offff."

Rachel chuckled softly and rolled her eyes, batting Santana's hand away from her skirt as she reached over to pull a cloth from the picnic basket sitting nearby. "Here, though I am surprised you're so picky about it now. You certainly didn't seem to mind when he was smaller." She didn't mention the long hours Santana had been putting in at the office - away from the family.

"Santa!" Cale suddenly yelled, pelting over to throw his arms around the woman and hug her tight, "Can eat now?"

Kayla bumbled over to her mom with the ball they'd been playing with, "Can we eat, Mama? I'm hungry..."

"He was cuter then." She winked, sitting up and putting the baby in her lap and kissed Caleﾒs cheek. ﾓYou smell like grass, Caleb.ﾔ She smiled, "Smells good." she ruffled his long hair and looked over to Rachel. "Yeah _Mama_. Feed us." she smiled and reached for the basket of food. "Childrens, I ask you to all pout at your mother until she opens the basket and gives us that tasty tasty food she made.ﾔ She jutted out her bottom, followed by Cale who used his best puppy dog eyes and Kayla giggled and rolled her eyes before following their lead.

"Please, Mama!" Kayla exclaimed as she put the ball with the other toys as she came back and looked longingly at the basket.

Rachel laughed and tossed the cloth at Santana, "Alright. Alright! I give up! Lunch time, everyone." She pulled the basket over and opened it up, passing out plates and glasses before pulling out a pitcher of homemade lemonade and the covered bowl of pasta salad and box of cucumber and hummus sandwiches.

Santana fixed the lemonade into cups, twisting on the lids and handing them to the youngest members of the family. Kayla smiled at the new water bottle Santana had bought her with her name on it as she took it and took a healthy drink of the juice.

Santana unpacked the baby bag, grabbing the training cup with breast milk in it for him. She popped it into his mouth and helped Rachel get food onto plates for the older kids. "Looks so good, Rachel." She smiled and fixed the busy mother a plate as Rachel served up food for her children.

Cale grinned, grabbing a piece of rotini from his plate and putting it in his mouth with a mischievous grin, "Good, Mama!"

"Cale, use your fork not your fingers," her tone was chiding but she said it with an indulgent smile. The whole family was together and she felt more content than she had in weeks. "Thank you, Santana, I do try to provide my best for my family. So when we're all together, I try to knock out all the stops."

Santana took a bite of her sandwich and smiled before pulling a small piece of just hummus and bread and popped it in Alexﾒs open and waiting mouth. He clapped and chewed the food before opening up again. Santana continued this process a few times with pasta and bread before Alex moved back to his milk. "He likes it." She smiled and went back to eating her food. Kayla leaned against her mom and munched while Cale laid on his stomach in between them both, kicking his feet up into the air.

Santana looked over and saw the two men who had commented on them earlier smiling. ﾓWe have fans.ﾔ Santana pointed out, her head nodding over in the direction of the men. "I think they might have the wrong idea." She said softly.

She glanced over at the two men and waved, prompting Ryan to haul the fawning Chuck away. "I can't say I'm overly concerned with the opinions of others, Santana. Besides, it seems the only possible misconception is that we are a family, and, Santana," Rachel glanced up at Santana with a soft smile, "I was under the impression that we _are_ a family."

"We are." She smiled, her eyes staying on Rachelﾒs for a few seconds longer than she knew she should. Cale looked up with a toothy grin, "I mean we have an awesome family.: She moved Alex as he finished his milk and relaxed into her arms. She settled him in between her outstretched legs. Alex rested his head on Santanaﾒs leg and looked around.

"Ma?" He said, looking up then over at Rachel.

Cale kicked his feet, munching on one of his sandwich wedges and grinning messily up at Santana, "Wants Santa."

She shook her head, "He wants your mom, Cale." She ran her fingers through thick baby hair as the rest of the family finished eating.

"Nuh-uh," he shook his head, grinning around his sandwich, "Mama's Mama." He took a bite, chewing and swallowing before continuing, "Ma's Santa."

ﾓOh.ﾔ She stated, looking down at Alex. "Alejandro?" She asked, causing him to look up and cock his head to the side. "I'm _Ma_?" her voice wavered as she spoke. She was scared to hear the answer no matter what it was. She had so many issues swimming around her head when she heard Cale confirm her confusion.

Alex beamed and nodded, looking up and reaching his arms up and playing with her long braid that hung over her shoulder. "Ma. Ma. Ma. Ma." He looked over at Rachel. "Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama!" he babbled causing Santana to smile no matter how scared she was about the implications of the term.

"That's right, baby boy," Rachel murmured, leaning over to kiss his messy head. She'd had her own revelation about what was meant when Alex called for his Ma last week while Santana was at work, Kayla explaining as she played with her dolls in Rachel's room. She'd given it a lot of thought and decided that if Jesse couldn't be the one he turned to for another parent, Santana was the one she wanted him to look to.

"Okay..." Santana said as she watched Rachelﾒs face. She leaned over without thinking and pushed a lock of Rachelﾒs hair back that had fallen out of her hair clip and pushed it back behind her ear. ﾓI think I can handle that.ﾔ She pulled her hand away and let it fall down the strand and backed away.

Rachel offered a shy smile at the easy casual intimacy from the other woman. She'd missed her touch more than she'd realized since their drunken night months ago, so that simple touch meant more to her than she was sure she wanted to let on. "You must admit that it makes sense, Santana. You are in the position of a second parent for him, so it is only natural for him to look to you in such a manner."

"Mmhmm." She stated looking down and seeing him falling asleep and the fact that Cale had curled up on the blanket with Kayla who was reading a picture book to him. Santana scooted closer to Rachel and sat so they could watch the back of the kids heads as they read. They haven't been this close together since they had kissed, and Santana just bit her lip and looked at Rachel. "I missed you." She whispered, looking into her eyes trying to convey her feelings in a simple phrase.

Rachel looked at her with shy glances and a tiny smile, reaching up to brush her hair back from her face and tuck it behind her ear. "I've missed you too, Santana," she whispered, leaning slightly closer almost unconsciously.

Santanaﾒs eyes shifted over to check that the kids werenﾒt looking and she moved closer and her bottom lip brushed against Rachelﾒs. "Tell me to stop." she whispered as she almost pressed her lips against Rachelﾒs top lip. "tell me you donﾒt want me to kiss you.ﾔ She said so only Rachel could hear.

Santana was teasing, she knew they had to figure _everything_ out still, but the day in the park - together, as a _family_ - was giving her more bravery where the other woman was concerned than she ever had before. "_Tell me_."

Rachel's eyes drifted almost closed at the gentle kiss. "I don't want to stop..." the words slipped softly from her lips, little more than a breath.

With that, Santana kissed her. She carefully brushed their lips together kissing her soft and teasingly. She couldn't stop, her tongue flicked between the other woman's lips causing her to smile. She knew they couldnﾒt get away with the moment for long, with three children around them but it was sweet and tender. After a few light presses of lips together, she pulled away and smiled as she moved back to sit up straight.

Rachel stayed leaning toward Santana with her eyes closed for a moment after the other woman pulled away. When she managed to regather her scattered thoughts, she reached out and took Santana's hand, looking down at their joined hands for a moment before glancing shyly up at the other woman. "I think perhaps we should talk, Santana. About this," she squeezed her hand, "about _us_."

"I think we should." Santana replied, her thumb running over the other womanﾒs hand as she watched the children. "I think we should." She smiled and kissed the side of Rachel's head and pushed her sunglasses down and laid back, keeping their hands connected on her stomach, right behind Alex's head.


	23. Chapter 23: Tea

**a/n: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Also, the random characters in the last chapter are the fault of 's new formating or something. Sorry! Keep reviewing!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23<strong>

A few hours later, Rachel finished tucking a sleepy and freshly bathed Kayla into her bunk and pressed a kiss to her forehead with a whispered good night before kneeling down to tuck an already sleeping Cale in. Her task finished, she headed over to her room where Santana was putting Alex into his crib. Leaning on the door frame, she watched the gentle tenderness her friend expressed towards the youngest member of their little family.

"Thank you for taking care of him tonight, Santana, I had my hands full with the other two." She smiled softly at her friend, letting her head rest on the door frame, "And thank you for coming out with us today. The children missed you being around as much as you were... before." She swallowed softly, licking her lips, "So did I."

Santana stood up straight after leaning down and kissing the boy's head as she hell asleep. "I had fun." She smiled turning around and walking closer to her. "I missed you too. All of you. I'm sorry I've had to work so much," she said, letting her fingers trail down Rachel's arm as she walked past into the kitchen.

Just as she had during their nightly ritual before their drunken interlude, she set the kettle up and started boiling tea for the both of them. Even though it was close to 99 degrees still outside the house, Santana had the air conditioning cranked up so it wouldn't get too hot in the townhouse. She slid her hands into the back pockets of her jean shorts and waited for the water to boil.

Rachel followed her into the kitchen, watching as she moved through the familiar motions. It'd been awhile since they'd shared a moment like this, just the two of them. She'd been afraid that, after their drunken interlude a couple months previous, they wouldn't be having another one.

She watched her quietly, just taking in the moment, before speaking. "Santana," she spoke softly, licking her lips before pushing off the wall and crossing the room to let her fingers rest lightly on Santana's hip, "what are we doing?"

She licked her lips as Rachel moved closer. She tilted her head slightly to the side and took in the expression on the diva's face. It was calm, and for the first time in a long time Santana didn't see a hidden frown or the wave of pain that had come off the woman for the last year.

"We're making tea." Santana said simply, "We put the kids to bed and we're gonna have tea." She stated, her head nodding as she spoke.

"I can see that, Santana. But," she let her eyes drop to where her fingers were twisting the hem of Santana's top between them, "that's not what I meant. What are we? What are we doing? Not right now, but... More in general."

Santana leaned over and flicked off the stove when the water began boiling. She pulled her hands back and slid them over Rachel's shoulders to rest on the other woman's neck. "I don't know." She replied, "I'm waiting for you to tell me what this is." She said. She had been waiting for Rachel to talk to her about what was going on between the two of them. She was the one who had freaked out when they kissed, so Santana was giving her the space she needed to figure it out.

"What," she swallowed softly, eyes slowly raising to meet the other woman's, "what do you want it to be?"

"Rachel..." She said softly, "We both know that this is something you have to decide." She pushed herself away and poured the tea into mugs and fixed them before turning and smiling softly at Rachel. "Want to sit on the couch and talk?" she asked, picking up the mugs and tilting her head indicating Rachel should follow. She sat down and crossed her legs to be able to face Rachel once she sat down.

The young mother followed, taking a seat beside her friend. She sighed softly and took her mug before responding. "I know it's something I have to decide, Santana. It's just... I'm not sure how. I know I like you - quite a bit actually and it is entirely possible that my liking of you goes well beyond mere friendship. You're part of my family, Santana. I care for you very deeply. Beyond that... I just don't know."

She sipped at her tea, swirling it gently as she looked down into the clear depths, "I mean, I love Jesse, even now. I likely always will. When I agreed to marry him I thought _this is it, this is the only man for me_. And I meant that. I simply cannot even imagine tying my life, my children's lives, to that of another man. But," she glanced shyly over at her best friend, "I do know that I liked kissing you. I know I like seeing you smile and that your laugh can brighten my whole day."

"I know I loved having us all together today... I know it felt right to me for you to be there."

"I loved it too, Rachel." Santana stated, holding her mug. "I would never want to try to take his place. I know I _could_ never. You love him with your entire soul and I understand and respect that." She took a deep breath and took a sip of her tea following it. "I think that I like you too. I know that I have for a while though it took awhile for me to accept that..."

She looked up at her, "I love your children. Just thinking about being able to come home and spend the night with them and _you_ makes me so happy." Her lips curled into a smile as she spoke and she looked up from under thick eyelashes. "I really like kissing you, too."

Rachel blushed at the woman's words, but busied herself drinking her tea as she thought over what to say next. "I... spoke with Maria. That night," she took a sip, confident Santana would know what night she was talking about. "About Jesse. Things he said... about you, mainly."

"She said that he'd told her we could be good for each other. I'm not entirely certain how I feel about my husband telling his mother that I'd be good with another woman, but I doubt she'd lie to me about something like that." Rachel sighed softly, reaching over to trace her fingers over her best friend's knee, wanting the contact. "I'm just afraid of ruining what we already have, of putting the children's relationships with you into chaos..."

"You came into my life, shook everything up and made it better." She smiled, sliding her fingers over Rachel's hand. "My relationship with the kids can't be ruined because of you and I. We both love them and wouldn't do anything to hurt them."

Santana smiled and looked at her, "I think that we should _explore_ whatever this is... but keep everything as it is now." She stated.

"Would that work?" Rachel asked softly, tangling their fingers together, "Just let things be as they are and if, for example, if I were to want to," she hesitated slightly, licking her lips and trying not to look at Santana's, "to _kiss_ you, then I just...should?"

"I did earlier today." She smirked as she leaned a little bit closer. "I kissed you, _in public_, because _I_ wanted to," she traced the woman's hand as she spoke, teasing her skin. "I think you should have the same right as I did."

"I didn't mind," Rachel whispered, leaning closer. She still sometimes cried herself to sleep missing Jesse, but she was so lonely, more so since she had tried to withdraw from the woman sitting across from her. "I've missed you so much."

Her hand drifted up, fingers lightly caressing Santana's chin. Closing her eyes she leaned forward and gently pressed their lips together. It wasn't the intense, sloppy passion of that night months ago on this same couch. It was slow and gentle. Tentative. But it was happening.

They sat like two young teenagers locked in their first kiss. It was simple, just two sets of silky lips pressing together. Santana leaned in closer her hand moving to slide into Rachel's hair and pull her closer. After a few moments she slid her tongue against the crease of Rachel's lips asking for entrance.

Tilting her head slightly to the side, she opened her lips to allow the other woman the entrance she desire. Her own tongue slipped out to tease and slide along the Santana's. Her fingers slid up along the line of Santana's jaw to cup her cheek as she leaned slight further into the kiss.

Santana sighed softly, her hand tightening in Rachel's hair as she deepened the kiss. She slowly explored the expanse of Rachel's mouth, sliding against, teasing and sucking on Rachel's tongue as she did so. She slid her hand out of long brown hair and down to the smaller woman's hip.

Rachel pulled away at the feeling of the hand on her hip, letting her own hand fall to cover it. Her forehead resting against Santana's, she offered a soft and shy smile. "That was very nice," she whispered, "but right now, I'm afraid it's all I'm ready for. I'm sorry..."

"S'okay." Santana smiled, kissing the tip of the other woman's nose. She linked their fingers together and left their foreheads touching for a moment. "I'm not pressuring you." After a few moments, Santana pulled away and took a sip on her tea blushing softly when Rachel noticed her looking at her. "You're really beautiful, Rachel."

She shook her head, "Not like you, Santana. You've always been amazingly pretty. At least," she ducked her head, reaching to pick her tea back up from the coffee table, "I've always thought so. Even when we were far more antagonistic towards each other, your beauty was still exceedingly impressive. But me?" Rachel gave a short laugh, shaking her head with an amused smile, "I'm just the short Jewish girl with features generally unremarkable with the exception of my nose."

"Hey..." Santana stated softly, "You are very pretty." She smiled and looked her over, "You have really _amazing_ legs. Your body is insane after having three children. Like... seriously. It kinda blows my mind, even weeks after Alex was born it was like you never had a child." She smiled, "Plus, breastfeeding for a year has done wonders." She wiggled her eye brows at the other woman with a soft giggle.

Rachel chuckled, gesturing towards her with her mug, "You're just like Jesse like that, you know. Definitely focused on the breasts." She smiled to show she was just teasing, "And I maintain a fairly active fitness regimen, but I've always known my legs were my most attractive feature, why do you think I choose to wear short skirts so often?"

Santana groaned, "Those skirts." She smiled and rested back on the couch, "Know how many times I had to catch myself when I would zone out and find myself watching your legs in Glee?" She laughed softly, "It's insane how someone so tiny has so much leg..." her eyes wandered down Rachel's thighs to where tanned skin was showing from under her skirt.

Rachel laughed, "It's not that I have more length of leg than the average person, but that I understand the dynamics of perspective. Did you not notice how much longer your legs seemed when you adopted my fashion - as made popular via the lens of Brittany - for a week?" She smiled, cocking her head curiously in Santana's direction, "And you noticed _me_? The only time I can recall where that seemed to be the case was when I attempted to emulate Britney Spears's costume choices."

"I mean..." She tried to back track to comment but ended up getting a look from Rachel. "Come on. I was a closeted lesbian in high school, I was like a bundle of nervous energy all the time." She smiled, "I mean do you understand how freaking painful Cheerios was sometimes?" She leaned over and kissed Rachel softly again before pulling away. "And yes, I noticed you well before the _Britney Spears_ makeover."

Rachel smiled shyly, ducking her head after the soft kiss and turning her mug about in her hands. "I didn't think you noticed me in high school at all beyond what effort it took to acquire me as a target for a slushie facial or to make a scathing remark about my clothing choices, to be honest. Allow me to reassure you that I have long forgiven you for such things, but I find it difficult to believe that you held even the slightest bit of positive regard for me after your termination of our friendship at the end of middle school."

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that portion of our history." She said softly, "I was a bitch and I shouldn't have been." Santana reached out and took Rachel's hand and tangled their fingers together again. "Please believe me when I say none of that was about you. You were just a target that I was told to attack. I didn't have much of my own mind then or my own ability to go against the fact I wanted to be popular," she sighed and looked down. "I think that we should pretend that stuff never happened, because it makes me feel like an ass."

"At the end of middle school, I wanted to be popular." She shrugged, "I wanted to be a cheerleader and you didn't wanna be one. My dad let me go to that camp and I got sucked in. I'm sorry I ignored you when I came home."

Rachel glanced over at her friend with a wry smile, "It's not that I didn't have any interest in being a cheerleader - as you may recall, extracurricular activities were something of a pastime of mine - but that one Coach Sylvester informed me in no uncertain terms that there would not be a spot on the squad for me and convinced my fathers to not sign off on the requisite permission forms." She shrugged, "Perhaps it would have been a very different experience in high school if I had been allowed to even tryout, but not being part of that squad did let me find Jesse and gave me three wonderful children and eventually," she squeezed the other woman's hand with a warm smile, "gave me my best friend back when I needed her most. And perhaps," she raised their joined hands to her lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Santana's knuckles, "something more than friends?"

"You wouldn't have liked Cheerios anyway. You're too independent thinking and strong willed." She shivered slightly when Rachel kissed her hand. "You would have gotten hurt and maybe it could have you unable to dance. I worried about Brittany all the time and her ACL and what not." She shrugged, "Plus, you were in _everything_ else." Santana bit her lip and smiled as she looked up. "And totally more than friends." Santana smiled.

"Of course I was in everything else, Santana," Rachel laughed, scooting over so she could lean a bit against the taller woman, "I needed a scholarship if I wanted to attend Julliard or NYU. My fathers may be well paid for their work, but they wouldn't have been able to afford my education _and_ room and board in New York without it. Besides, I was lonely. By being in so many clubs, I could pretend like I had friends or at least mattered in some way. Though, when I was feeling especially honest, I would admit that most of my fellow club members likely hated me more than liked me."

"Glee loved you, even if we were all hella jealous." She smiled and wrapped her arms around Rachel's shoulders. "I wish I would have known you in college," Santana mumbled softly, "I think it would have been fun... and that's the same reason I kept going back to Cheerios. I needed the scholarship to go to school and the money that I could get from a nationally ranked cheer team was more than I could get from anything else." She said, her fingers running up and down Rachel's arm as she spoke. "I mean my dad would give me anything - and he did - but I didn't want to make him go into debit for me." She smiled, reminding herself to call her father in the morning.

She leaned into the embrace, letting her head rest on Santana's shoulder. "Your father is a wonderful man, Santana. I must admit I rather missed him when our friendship ended. Though, and this may seem very odd, but, I'm almost glad we didn't know each other then." She leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of her friend's jaw, "After all, if we had, the likelihood of _this_," she nodded to indicate the house, the kids and them, "happening may have become vanishingly remote and I'm not sure I could have survived as well as I have if it hadn't."

"That is true," she replied, "I think that things worked out. Though, I wish I could change certain things." She stated sadly, wanting Jesse to have not been sick, but also knowing that he was the reason she was getting a chance with Rachel. "My father missed you too. He didn't really like Quinn too much... or Brit for that matter." She chuckled softly remembering when her father sat her down and held her as she sobbed because Brittany had abandoned her. How she cried in his arms because she just wanted someone to love her. "He's gonna be in the city for a conference next month..." she said, "Do... would you wanna see him?"

Rachel sat up, twisting around to grin brightly, "Would I? Oh, Santana, I'd love to see him again! You should bring him home for dinner!" She leaned in and kissed Santana happily, "I'll make his favorite... as soon as you remind me what that is."

"He likes everything. He'll even eat veggie. He tried making me jicama when I told him I was gay... then we went out for burgers." She laughed at her father's attempt at trying to understand her. "He's a strange man. I'm just really happy him and I are okay again, he was displeased with me for a few years."

"Oh?" Rachel snuggled back against the taller woman again, "Why? I always thought you could do no wrong - well, other than break his rules, of course - where he was concerned. It's hard to even imagine the two of you not getting along."

Santana laughed and nodded, "Even breaking his rules didn't get me a lot of punishment." She smiled fondly, "Nah. I told him I was gay, then went to London and decided to marry a black _man_ and get pregnant. He wasn't so kosher with the whole thing. He told me I was kidding to myself and I shouldn't get married at 19 and blah blah blah. But hey, my mistakes are my own. I wouldn't have you and all of this right now if I never got married and whatever." She pressed a light kiss to Rachel's temple. "He and I talked and he supported my divorce and he's happy you're living here..."

"You told him I'm here?" Rachel curled her feet up under her, looking up at Santana before sipping from her mug, "What about Jesse and the children?" She bit her lip nervously, "He won't be displeased with you assisting to support three children who aren't yours, will he? I'd hate for him to be displeased in such a fashion..."

"My father knows me better than I know myself." Santana explained, "I tell him everything, Rachel." She hoped that that would explain a little bit. "He thought it was a good idea for you to come live with me... that you shouldn't be alone after... he knows how hard it is. He wanted to come out for the funeral, but he couldn't get it off work."

She sipped her own tea and waited a moment before speaking again. "He supports me in my decisions. He always liked you and he'll be excited to meet the kids."

Rachel sipped her tea and nodded, "I'm glad. I've missed him. And I'm sure the children would love to have a man like him visiting. I'll be sure to pull the stops out and make something especially nice for him. Perhaps I could marinate and grill some portabella caps as a stand in for burgers or make those black bean enchiladas you liked so much?"

"Sounds perfect." She smiled, finishing her tea and snuggling into Rachel more. "Don't worry about impressing him or anything, he already loves you. I kinda wish he still lived in Lima so we could visit everyone at once someday... but if the kids take to him, maybe we can trek out to Texas sometime in the future to see him and Marco?" Santana asked, knowing it was way too soon, but she also knew that her father would ask the same question when he came.

"Perhaps," Rachel replied, sipping her tea. She didn't want to commit to anything before they were more certain that this thing they were trying would be stable. "Though I would want to wait at least until Alex is in preschool at the earliest. He's entirely too young for such a trip in my opinion. Besides, airplanes are flying germ containers and I don't want to risk them picking up something unfortunate."

"You're cute." Santana smiled, "I wasn't thinking like... tomorrow. We need to figure a lot of shit out first. Plus, I want him big enough so he can play and whatever becasue my brother has a farm and horses." She yawned slightly loving that the sun from earlier in the day left her skin feeling warm even hours later. "I know we still have a lot to figure out, Rae... but I'm happy you're willing to explore this with me." she motioned between them.

Rachel shrugged, turning her head to kiss the shoulder she leaned against, "It simply makes sense to me. I like you and you like me. The children adore you and respond to you not unlike a second parent. We're constantly around each other and I believe that we've both admitted to a mutual level of attraction to each other."

"It only seems natural that something would grow from that, don't you agree?" She smiled up at Santana, "All I ask is that we avoid rushing into anything. At this point, slow would be exceedingly good for my mental and emotional state. I only hope that I'm worth the wait that's likely to be involved, Santana."

Santana nodded, "I think I can agree to that... though you might need to remind me every so often." she blushed, her head ducking with a smirk. "I have a tendency to get..._carried away_, but I think having three children in the house will help that." She licked her lips and slowly pulled away from the other woman's grasp. She picked up the mugs and brought them into the kitchen and slid them into the sink so she could go make sure the house was locked up.

"Ready for bed?" She asked as she turned the lights off in the kitchen and came back out to reach her hand out to Rachel.

Rachel smiled up at the woman lit up only by the light of the streetlights coming in through the front windows and nodded. "I believe I am." She reached out and took the hand being offered to her, squeezing it gently before standing.

After turning out the lights, and setting the alarm they headed down to the end of the hall where the bedrooms were clustered. Santana leaned her back against the wood of her door and smiled shyly at Rachel. "Night." She whispered, biting her own lip softly.

Taking the initiative, Rachel took a step closer, closing the distance between them before reaching up to carefully brush a lock of hair back from the other woman's face. "I had a lovely day, Santana Lopez," she whispered, smiling softly, "I certainly hope we can do it again sometime soon."

With that, she leaned in and pressed a kiss to Santana's lips. It was unhurried, simple, and undemanding, but showed a hint of the depths of feeling the young mother could hold for the woman. Finally she pulled back, her eyes slowly opening as she smiled in the dim light. "Good night, sweetheart. Sleep well." Her fingers trailed down her friend's arm to lightly squeeze her fingers, "I'll see you in the morning."

Santana's eyes were closed and she followed Rachel's lips slightly as they pulled away. She blinked her eyes open again and she nodded, squeezing Rachel's hand back. "Sleep well." She whispered and smiled before, opening her door and slipping inside. She flopped down on her bed after tugging off her clothing and putting on boxers and a tank top. She pulled out her phone and started typing out an email to her father.

* * *

><p>Once Santana was in her room, Rachel headed down the hall into her own room. Pausing to check on Alex, who had finally started sleeping fairly consistently through the night, she changed into her pajamas and slid into bed. Once she was settled, she reached over and picked up the picture of Jesse that always sat by her bed.<p>

"Maria told me you were okay with this, love," she whispered, tracing her fingers over the cool glass covering his face, "I truly hope she was right. I like her, I really do. Please help me not to mess things up." She kissed the picture, wiping away a tear as she set it back down, "I love you, Jesse."

It wasn't much longer before she fell asleep, the photo of her lost husband standing silent vigil over his wife and youngest son.


	24. Chapter 24: Mr Lopez

**Chapter 24**

"Santa!" Cale giggled loudly as he was tackled to the ground in the tiny patch of backyard behind the townhouse. Santana had come running into the backyard when she got home and changed. She heard the kids playing outside, so she had quickly slipped outside and caught the boy off guard with her attack.

"I got you!" She exclaimed as she ticked him and he tried to wrestle her back to the ground. Santana had tried to spend more time at home since the weekend when Rachel and she had begun their tentative exploration of their feelings. She still worked late nights and often missed dinner, but weekends, weekends were family time. Santana had to go to work for awhile sometimes but she always was home in the evening and on Sundays. This weekend in particular was about her family. Her father was in town for a conference and had been more than excited to come and spend time with his only daughter and her... friend.

Rachel came out the back door of the house drying her hands on a dishtowel. "Hey, you two," she called, grinning, "Not too rough! Don't you dare let him get too dirty before your father arrives, Santana! Kayla, do you want to come help me with your baby brother while I finish with dinner?"

"Yes, Mama," the little girl called, dropping the dolls she'd been playing with to hurry in, dodging under her mother's arm as the woman held the door open.

"And your father will be arriving in another twenty to thirty minutes, sweetheart," Rachel added, "_please_ try to keep him nice looking. I would _like_ to make a good impression with your father after all."

"Yes, Ma'am." Santana laughed as Cale sat on her stomach telling about the crazy things that went on during his day. She held onto his hands and listened to him babble on about the friends he made on the street. "That's amazing, Cale. I'm sure we can have Julio and his dad over for dinner and you boys can play. I'll talk to Mama about it okay? I'm sure she wont have a problem." She smiled and pushed back Cale's hair. "Your hair is getting long, baby." She twirled the long curly hair around her finger and smiled, "I like it. I think we should keep it long, what do you think?"

"Mama says I _shaggy_, Santa," he crowed, clapping his hands and bouncing up and down on her stomach with a happy grin.

"Your daddy was _shaggy_ too," she smiled, watching him. "She likes it." Santana pushed his hair back with her fingers and smiled at his face. "You, my boy, are adorable." she loved how he squished his face up when she called him that. "So... you're gonna meet my daddy soon."

His eyes went wide and he leaned forward to squish her cheeks, "Meet Santa Daddy?" his eyes where very big and his face serious as he kept squishing her face, "You daddy ﾑlive? Not like Daddy?"

Santana nodded, "My daddy is alive." She sighed, kissing his hands. "I don't have a mommy, though. You get to meet my daddy. He knows your grandpas and grandma Shelby." She smiled knowing that her father was excited to meet the children and see Rachel again.

"He ﾑlive!" Cale clapped, bouncing happily, "Santa Daddy ﾑlive! But," he frowned, "No mama? I sorry, Santa. Can share Mama?"

Santana blinked away the tears that formed in her eyes, "How ﾑbout I share my daddy and you share your mommy?" She smiled and pressed their foreheads together.

"Okies," he burbled, dropping flat to hug her neck, "like sharing, Santa. Love you." He planted a kiss on her cheek, "lots and lots."

Santana hugged him and laid on the grass with him. On the other side of the townhouse, a knock came on the door. Gabriel Lopez rapped his knuckles against his daughter's door, he hadn't seen her in person in a few years but he talked to her once a week and sent emails daily. He wore a black polo and jeans and otherwise looked like an older, male version of Santana. Tall and lean, his skin darker from prolonged exposure to sun in the south. In his left hand he held two large gift bags with gifts for the family. He knocked again and waited for the door to open.

Calling back to Kayla to be careful with Alex, Rachel wiped her hands on the towel over her shoulder as she headed to the door and opened it with a smile. "Mr. Lopez! How nice of you to come! Please, this is Santana's home and you're more than welcome so, please, come in." She stepped aside to let him in, only to hear a crash from the other room. "Kayla!" Eyes wide, the mother started to hurry off, only to pause, "Please excuse me, Mr Lopez, I'll be right back!"

Gabriel chuckled to himself, as he closed the door behind him. He watched Rachel scurry off and followed her, taking in the home as he walked through. He had never been to the townhouse, he had only seen Santana's flat in London when he went to visit her a few years back. He smiled already noticing how much of a _home_ this was, he came into the kitchen and leaned against the door. "Don't worry about me, Rachel. You seem to have your hands quite full." He smiled at the little ones sitting on the kitchen floor looking up with grins. "You must be Kayla and Alexander." He smiled, remembering how Santana had called him almost in tears to explain the origin of the youngest child's name. "I'm Santana's dad. You can call me Gabe if you want." He said to the kids.

Alexander just kind of chuckled and clapped, but Kayla waved, "Hi, Mister Lopez." She pronounced the words slowly, making sure to say them right.

Rachel smiled wryly, on her knees picking up the spilled crayons that were scattered everywhere. "I am so sorry, Mr Lopez. I am usually more composed, I assure you. Dinner will be ready shortly, but Santana is in the backyard with Cale still, I believe."

He smiled at the girl, "It's nice to meet you both." He looked over to Rachel, "Please don't worry. I'm going to go see my daughter and bring her back inside." he walked to the back door and looked over his shoulder at he spoke, "Please call me Gabriel or Gabe, Rachel." He stated before heading outside. He stood for a moment and smiled seeing his daughter laying on her back, her long dark hair splayed out against green grass with a small child perched on her stomach.

"Santana." He called out causing the woman to turn her head and beam. She quickly got up holding Cale's hand as she headed quickly over to her father. "I missed you." He exclaimed as he gathered his youngest child in his arms and held her tightly.

"I missed you too, Papi." She whispered, her arms wrapping around his neck and relishing in the fact she's seeing her father for the first time in years. She kept one of her hand with Cale and when she pulled away she squatted down. "Papi, this is Cale. Caleb, this is my dad."

Cale had one finger tucked in the corner of his mouth and hid slightly behind Santana, holding nervously to her shirt as he looked up at the tall man nervously. "Hi," he whispered shyly, before hiding his face against Santana.

Gabriel chuckled and moved to kneel down with his daughter and the boy. "Hi young man." He smiled, watching the love on his daughters face when he introduced him to the boy. "I'm Gabe, Santana's dad. It's very nice to meet you. She tells me that you're her best little buddy. Is that true? Are you taking care of my baby girl?" He smiled at his daughter when the boy started peaking his head out to steal looks at the older Hispanic man.

Cale nodded shyly, staying close to Santana, his finger not leaving his mouth. "Uh-huh," he whispered, "My Santa." He clung to her, leaning against her like he was afraid if he got even a little bit away from her she'd disappear.

Santana mouthed _sorry_ to her father who just shrugged her off and returned to his conversation with the boy. "Of course. Do you think we can _share_ Santi?"' He asked admiring how much the boy was like Santana when she was his age. Santana just shook her head and scooped up the boy and hugged him close.

"Papi? Did you say hi to Rach?" She asked as they headed back into the house. She picked the grass out of Cale's hair not realizing that she had some in her own. Santana brought Cale over to the sink and washed his hands and face. "How was your flight and conference?" She asked, as she washed up.

"It was good, Mija. And, do you think I just walked in and ignored the woman you live with?" He asked as he motioned to the apartment filled with toys and crafts. "By the way, I like this so much better than your home in London. It's full of love."

Santana narrowed her eyes at her father and rested Cale on her hip. "Papi. _Baste._ Don't want to talk about him or that okay?" she asked, he nodded quietly. "Do you wanna wash up? The bathroom is right there." She showed her dad where the bathroom. She sighed and followed voices into the living room. "Rae?" She smiled seeing Kayla holding Alex on her lap watching television.

"In here, sweetheart," Rachel called from the kitchen as she pulled the pan of black bean enchiladas out of the oven. As Santana came in after setting Cale with the other two to watch what Rachel called "age appropriate viewing materials" - namely a documentary on Nova about stars and black holes - Rachel smiled up at her and leaned up a bit further once she straightened to give her a quick peck on the lips over the bubbling hot pan in her hands.

"Hello to you too, dear. I almost thought you forgot about me in favor of playing with the children." She chuckled softly as she carefully slid the pan onto the stove top before moving towards the other side of the counter to get the toppings out of the fridge.

Santana came behind Rachel and wrapped her arms around the woman's thin waist. She pressed nipping kisses to the expanse of Rachel's neck as she pulled her around so they were face to face. She smirked and leaned down, kissing her properly. Her lips captured the smaller woman's roughly as she kissed her for a moment, but then she heard the bathroom door open and she quickly pulled away with a blushing smile to her friend.

Rachel almost didn't hear the door, so for a second she looked dazed and confused as to why the kiss had stopped. Then the sound registered and she realized how close she had been behaving towards her friend with a dark blush as she quickly moved to rummage in the fridge for supplies. "Oh yes, I, um, suppose that I should tone down the casual intimacies while your father's here..."

Santana chuckled and grabbed the plates, "It's okay, babe. He knows... I'm just. I just really needed to do that." she bit her lip and smiled lustfully at the other woman. "I just thought about you a lot today." She was going to continue when she saw Alex toddle in raising his arms up in the air.

"Ma!" He smiled and bounded towards Santana's legs. Gabriel came in after the youngest child and watched for a moment. He watched as the child called his daughter _Ma_ and her react to his term. "Ma. Ma. Ma." Alex exclaimed as he kissed her face when she picked him up. "Yum Yum." He pointed at the food and nodded.

"Totally Alejandro, it's yummy dinner time." She smiled and bounced him on her hip. "Dad, are you hungry? Rachel made her amazing enchiladas for dinner and can I get you a glass of wine or something?"

"It's okay, Santana. I'll just have water." He smiled as his child got him some water. "Rachel, your children are beautiful and very well behaved." he stated watching Alex nuzzling Santana's neck as he looked around the room.

"Thank you, Mr Lope-" she cut off at his chiding expression, ducking her head with a shy blush, "I mean, Gabriel. They are being good right now, which I am completely grateful for, but Santana can tell you that they can be complete terrors when they want to be."

She continued dishing up the enchiladas, adding a little to a small bowl for Alex and smashing it a bit with a fork before handing it to Santana, "Here but remember _tiny_ bites, we're still not quite sure he's ready for this sort of food but we both know he'll demand it." She smiled at Alex and his favorite person to eat with thanks to Santana absconding him at lunch all the time.

"I certainly hope you like black bean enchiladas, Gabriel." Rachel added as she carefully plated small plates for the children and larger ones for the three adults, "They're vegetarian and I'm afraid not very spicy since we have three small stomachs that aren't quite robust enough to properly digest very spicy foods yet. And," she turned and smiled at the man before walking past toward the dining room with an arm load of plates - a skill learned while waitressing in the early days of her and Jesse's marriage, "I have a _surprise_ for dessert."

Santana rolled her eyes at Rachel's awkward plate skills. "I know. I know." She said as she carried the plates baby and his bowl into the dining room and put him into the highchair. "Papi? Do you wanna sit here by me?" He agreed and sat down as Santana went to go grab the drinks for everyone and then ushered the children into their chairs.

"Rachel, it smells wonderful. I'm afraid that I can't even handle too much spice anymore so this is perfect. Hazard of old age." He smiled and watched the two older children slip into their chairs.

"Dad, you're not old." Santana countered, pulling her chair closer to the highchair and putting a bib on Alex.

"You'd have to say that since your ex-husband is only three years younger than me." He replied causing Santana to freeze and look at the ground. Gabriel meant that to sound more joking but knew it didn't come out that way. "Santi... sorry."

"It's okay, Papi." Santana replied quietly as she turned to Cale. "Caleb! Use your fork."

Cale pouted, in the midst of picking up a piece of his enchiladas with his fingers, "But, Santa..."

Rachel frowned and reached over to tap him on the head, "Caleb Ezekiel St James, you had best listen to Santana or there will be no dessert for you."

He frowned at his plate for a moment before awkwardly picking up the fork that he still hadn't quite mastered the proper grip on and poked at his food. "Yes, Mama. I be good, Santa." He scooped up an awkward sized bite and pushed it - mostly - into his mouth.

"So, Gabriel," Rachel smiled up the table at him after they'd had a little time to start eating, "how have you been? It has been quite a while since we've been able to catch up after all."

"I'm well. Santi must have mentioned that I moved down south with her hermano. Marco's wife is having a baby, Santi, a little girl." He remarked as he took a bite of his food, "Que rico, Rachel!" he stated chewing more before talking, "It's been good. Work is good, I'm happy I get to see my daughter after such a long time. How are you doing? You look wonderful and all grown up!"

Santana shook her head at her fathers antics, and kept one eye on the little boy who was more shoving food into his face than eating it. She leaded over and wiped the excess off Alex's cheeks and when it looked like he was just playing she went and got him a bowl of baby cereal and his cup of milk.

"I am," she smiled at Santana as she went to retrieve the food Alex was more familiar with, "good, Gabriel. Things have been difficult over the last few years, but having your daughter's friendship again has been invaluable. If it hadn't been for her, I have no idea what would have happened to this little family." She reached over and stroked Kayla's hair as she spoke.

"You saved her too," Gabriel stated, not looking at the blush that moved over his daughter's face. "I'm happy she could be there for you all when you needed someone. I know how hard losing your partner is and I wish that I let myself be open to the idea of someone when I lost Marci." He smiled sadly. Santana patted her father's hand as she went back to eating, and making faces at Kayla and Cale from across the table making them stifle giggles as the other two adults spoke.

"Santana, stop that," Rachel chided but smiling warmly at her as she did to take the sting away, "You'll make them choke." She looked back to Gabriel with a slightly shy smile, "We haven't quite gone very far in that direction, Gabriel, but Santana was there through the end and kept me from completely falling apart. Allowing myself to be open to the idea of exploring what is happening with us is... Admittedly quite difficult, but it feels right. I can't even imagine someone else around the children but her now."

Santana looked over and winked at the woman, before turning back to the baby to make sure he was eating. "Well. I know she's giving herself 100% to all of you." Gabriel smiled, which received a elbow in the side and a quick mutter of Spanish from his daughter. "Santana doesn't want me to talk about it anymore," he looked at Rachel with a smile. "Anyway, I think you're doing very well given circumstances and I love the fact you're able to get my thick headed, workaholic daughter out of the office and see that there are many things in life other than working."

Rachel laughed, throwing her head back with amusement. "Oh, oh, I'm sorry," she wiped at the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes from laughing, "Did she, perhaps, tell you that she convinced me to become her assistant? I manage her schedule, Gabriel, making it fairly easy to ensure she's home fairly often. But you would not believe how often we've sat up late into the night working on the details of convincing a new artist to sign with Santana. She is truly amazing at what she does."

Santana didn't enjoy getting talked about and pouted as Rachel and her father kept going on about her. "Rae..." She whined pouting at her, "Can we not talk about me?"

"Nope." Gabriel smiled and continued eating, "Well I'm happy someone has her best interests in mind, Rachel. Someone needs to keep her in check, I'm glad you're keeping everything going and I hope she's allowing you to stay home with the baby?" He asked.

"Allowing is not quite the proper term, insisting is far closer. Though," Rachel glanced over at her best friend with a mischievous smirk, "she doesn't seem to mind when I bring him by the office for lunch or watching him while I handle meetings with finances or marketing. And the absolute _best_ part about the arrangement is that it completely vexes that vile man, Tobias." She looked entirely proud of himself at being able to upset Santana's boss as often as she did.

"Yes. That is a front you both excel on. Tobias isn't that bad..." Santana stated, her role as a defender of her ex-husband's stance to her father still intact.

"Yes, he is." Gabriel stated quickly, "No man should be like that with any woman, Santana. You know that. You know how he was to you." He scolded her, "I'm still upset you lost yourself with him."

Santana just crossed her arms and took a drink of her water, "Rae. Can we please have desert now? I would like to stop this conversation and move on from the subject." She sighed, "Plus the kids need to get to bed at some point."

Rachel stood and walked around to collect the plates, bending down to kiss Santana's cheek as she gathered her plate, "I'm sorry, Santana. I'll avoid the topic in the future. To make up for it I made a special dessert I think you'll like." After gathering up the plates, she left the room to serve up the - still warm - peach pie she'd made earlier with the fresh vanilla and cinnamon ice cream from the local coop store.

Santana practically drooled when Rachel brought out the pie. "Mmm... Pie." She exclaimed, her tone taking on an awkwardly pleasured tone. "Pie..."

"_Peach_ pie," Rachel responded with a chuckle, setting a serving down in front of each person, "I made it fresh today while you were at work and the ice cream is from the coop's dairy, vanilla and cinnamon. I gave you a little extra to share with Alex, Santana, but careful, it's still warm." Smiling at Santana's father as she set his serving in front of him, "I do hope you like peach pie, Gabriel."

The older man laughed at his daughter, "I'm disturbed by my only daughter right now." He chucked, "I think _hearing_ that was more scarring than walking in on you and that boy with the odd hair." he shook his head and smiled at the other woman. "I love it Rachel. I love all pies, not as much as my daughter..." he winked as he take some. Santana wasn't even listening she was happily munching on pie, kind of ignoring the baby that was reaching tanned little arms out to her.

"MA!" He exclaimed, "Pie!" He reached his little fingers out for the pie, his mouth open pathetically. "Ma!"

Santana looked up and looked at him with a blush. "Sorry, Mijo." She whispered, getting a bit on her spoon and blowing it before popping it into his mouth.

"Santana!" Rachel scolded with an indulgent smirk, "Honestly. There _is_ more you know. There is no reason to ignore your son to the point that he begins misbehaving." She took her seat, cutting into her pie with the side of her fork having momentarily forgotten that the senior Lopez was likely not at all familiar with how they handled things in their unusual little blended family.

The woman grumbled, "He's mine when he misbehaves." she pouted and gave him more pie and he hummed happily.

"Don't pout, Santana." Gabriel exclaimed, "Son, huh?" He looked at Rachel and cocked his head to the side when he heard the wording of the mother's sentence.

"No, he's yours when he acts like you," Rachel clarified, taking a small bite and eating it before she continued, "and when he truly misbehaves in that terribly mischievous manner, why then he's Jesse's son. And, naturally, when he's an angel like now," she waved at him causing him to clap and laugh, "he's mine. It is simply how it works, Santana."

When Gabriel's question finally sank in though, she almost froze, fork midway to her mouth with another piece of pie on the tip. Her eyes slowly rose to meet Gabriel's as a blush colored her cheeks, "I, that is, I mean, well," she stammered, "it... It seemed natural, I, I mean, he calls her Ma and she's been in his life since the moment he was born..." She looked to Santana for help.

"Yeah. Dad... we didn't wanna discourage him." she shrugged, looking at Rachel. "Don't worry okay?" she smiled and began eating again. She didn't want to get too much into the logistics of it, that she looked at the baby as her own.

"Okay." He nodded, looking at the watch. "Rachel, thank you so much for the lovely dinner. But I need to head off, my flight is in a few hours and I need to get to JFK." Gabriel said regretfully as he wiped his face. Santana got up to help the children bring the dessert plates to the kitchen as he approached Rachel. "Thank you, for taking care of my baby." he said once the children and Santana had left the room.

She smiled holding out her hand to shake, not wanting to overstep anything by offering a hug. "I believe she takes care of me rather more than I do her," she suggested with a shrug and a shy smile, "I truly have no idea what I'd do without her, sir. She has become a rather intrinsic piece of the puzzle that makes up my family."

He pulled the young woman into a hug. "Call me if you need anything, Mija." He smiled kissing her cheek. "She cares a lot about you... that scares her so be careful with her." He said before leaving to be escorted out of the house by his daughter.

* * *

><p>Close to fifteen minutes later, Santana came back in, wiping tears from her eyes as she closed the door behind her. She smiled sadly at Rachel when she walked over and took the tea from her hands and took a sip. "I missed him." She said as she slid behind her and carefully placed her hands on the other woman's hips when she handed the tea back.<p>

Rachel leaned back against her friend with a soft smile. "I could see that," she murmured, "I did too. He was very accepting of the children and their relationship with you, something I was very grateful for. So," she turned in Santana's arms and leaned up to give her a quick kiss before pulling back with a sly smirk, "should I fix you an extra serving of pie?"

"Mmm pie." she moaned softly, moving to nuzzle Rachel's neck. "I like you better than pie." she kissed the crook of the woman's neck softly and pulled her closer to her. She let her arms wind around Rachel's waist and smiled she she felt shivers rake through Rachel's body.

Rachel reached over and set her tea on the counter before wrapping her arms around Santana's neck. "Do you now, sweetheart? Better than pie?"

Santana continued to kiss the soft expanse of the woman's neck. "Can I have pie... on you?" she smirked moving up to gently suck on Rachel's earlobe. "ﾑCuz' I think I would enjoy that."

Rachel shivered, but put a hand on Santana's chest, "Perhaps someday, Santana, but not yet." The words were soft and perhaps tinged with regret, but her eyes were warm under the serious expression. She knew she wasn't ready to take their relationship that far yet, even if her body clamored to just go with it.

The other woman nodded, pulling her lips away from the earlobe she had been paying attention too, "Sorry." she whispered, putting her head onto Rachel's forehead. "I got carried away in my head." She smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Rachel's lips and rested her hands onto the woman's waist as she did so.

"Mm, you did a bit, but I would be lying if I were to say I didn't like it," Rachel smiled, letting her fingers tease lightly over the back of Santana's neck, "And some day I hope to be ready for more and comfortable enough with you to allow these teasing gestures to continue." She carefully kissed from the corner of the other woman's lips down to her jaw to tease along her neck with gentle kisses.

Santana smiled and whimpered softly, "I'm not teasing. I just want you to be okay." She smiled, her fingers teasing up against Rachel's stomach. "One day." She exhaled as she tilted her head for Rachel to have better access.

"Definitely one day," Rachel agreed with a soft whisper, easing Santana back against the sink, continuing to pepper her neck with gentle kisses, "But not yet." She pulled away with a soft sigh, letting a hand gently stroke over her friend's neck to lightly press against her collarbone as she smiled softly up at the other woman.

"Tease." Santana whispered, her body shivering with the touch. She smiled and kissed her again softly, "We should put the babies in bed." She murmured, pulling herself away so she could find her self control. She bit her lip and blushed at the thoughts that ran through her head as she looked at the slight mark that was on Rachel's neck.

"Mmm, I believe we should. It's been a long day and...what are you looking at?" Her eyes widened as it dawned on her and she clapped a hand to her neck, hiding the spot, "Santana Lopez, did you _mark_ me?" She laughed as she asked, giving Santana's shoulder a light shove, "I don't believe you! What am I going to tell the children?"

Santana raised her eyebrow, "The 6, 3 and one year old's are gonna ask about a teeny tiny mark?" She smiled, "If they by chance do ask? You got a bug bite." Santana laughed slightly as she left the kitchen and swooped down to press a kiss to Kayla's head.

"Bedtime, K." She said, her hands outstretched for the girl to take.

The little girl was so sleepy she barely hesitated before reaching for Santana and letting her pick her up. She was getting big but thanks to Rachel's tiny genetics, it was still possible to pick her up and carry her to bed. Alex was already asleep, flopped over on the sofa by his brother who was mostly asleep, leaning against the arm of the sofa.

"You too, little men, it's been a long day and it's time for bed," Rachel murmured as she picked Cale up. Deciding not to fight with the children about bathtime for once, she just carried him into the room he still shared with Kayla and set about changing his clothes for bed and getting him tucked in before returning for the youngest of the three.

Santana helped the little girl change into a night gown and she tucked her into bed. "Goodnight, star." She smiled, stealing Rachel's nickname for the girl. "I love you and sleep well." She kissed the girl's head and tucked her in before sliding down the bunk bed stairs and kissing the little mop headed boy. "I love you too, Cale. Sleep well buddy." She kissed him and headed into Rachel's room to do the same to the baby. She ran her fingers through Alex's hair and sang softly to him as he curled into himself and sucked on his thumb. "Night, Alejandro. Te amo." She kissed his head and slipped out of the room and went to lay on her bed with her door open.

The children tucked away, Rachel quickly showered and changed into her pajamas before heading down the hall to tap lightly on the door to Santana's room. "Santana?" she called softly, "would you... Would you mind terribly if I were to join you tonight?"

Santana looked up and nodded, "Sure. You know you don't have to ask." she sat up and stretched her back. "I'm gonna change quick and whatever."She got up and grabbed her pajamas, she pulled off her t-shirt and popped open the clasp of her bra leaving her back to Rachel as she did so. "The kids did well with my dad." She spoke as she changed.

"Or perhaps your father did well with the children?" Rachel suggested as she came in to sit on the bed, watching Santana move about the room. "But I was quite proud of then tonight. Cale wasn't too awkward when he was introduced was he? I know he's still quite shy."

"He was shy, he may have claimed me as his to my father... but other than that..." She smiled over her shoulder as she grabbed a long t-shirt and slipped it over her head before slipping off her panties and putting on a fresh pair of boy shorts before pulling her hair into a messy ponytail. "My dad just asked to share and Cale was okay with that." She moved over and crawled into the bed.

Rachel chuckled, sliding under the covers and moving to snuggle close to her best friend, "That does sound like our boy." She pressed a soft kiss to Santana's jaw, "Also, have I mentioned lately that you are exceedingly beautiful?" She let her head rest on Santana's shoulder as she spoke.

"He's crazy and I love him for it." She smiled, snuggling in after she turned off the lights. "Yes and I refute it every time." She kissed her softly, letting out a soft sigh when she pulled away. "Hey babe?" Santana whispered through the dark, "I know were not labeling this...whatever it is... but, someone asked me out the other day and I told them no, but I wanted to say I had a girlfriend... are... you that?" She was more comfortable having this conversation in the dark then she would have been in the day.

Rachel was quiet for a bit, thinking about it. "Do... you want me to be?" She almost held her breath her heart was pounding so hard in her chest at what they were discussing, "Because... I don't want to see, don't want to _be_ with anyone else. I simply cannot imagine anyone else but you here like this with me..." The words were whispered and seemed calm, but she was anxious. She wanted to know what they were, wanted to define their relationship in some way, make it more _real_, but she wasn't entirely certain what the protocols were for that.

"Okay." Santana said simply and pulled Rachel closer. "I wanna be girlfriends." She stated and rolled Rachel onto her side so she could spoon her. "I don't wanna be with anyone else. I love our life and the kids and it would kill me to be apart from you." She said honestly. "I just want to make sure you're okay with this... I know it's only been over a year and I want to make sure you're okay with everything."

Rachel sighed softly. "I still miss him, Santana. I loved him and I'd promised him the rest of my life, so I likely will always miss him. But I care about you. I've come to depend on you. It would devastate me if you were to ever leave. I love how you are with the children, how you hold me when I'm upset...kissing you. So," she twisted her head to gently kiss her, "I would be honored to be your girlfriend, Santana Lopez."

Santana smiled and kissed Rachel slowly. She knew she cared about the other woman and her children. She also knew that she was in dangerous territory because she was the one who would always come after Jesse. She didn't think she was a rebound or anything but she also knew that she'd never have the same kind of relationship with Rachel that her deceased husband had had with her. But she also didn't know if she'd even wanted that sort of relationship. So she just snuggled in closer with Rachel and held her. "I promise not to leave."

"Thank you," Rachel breathed softly, already drifting off in her _girlfriend's_ embrace. Santana smiled and kissed her one more time before pulling the covers over them tightly and drifting off to sleep.


	25. Chapter 25: Tobias

Warnings: This chapter contains sensitive subject matter. Be warned for trigger issues with rape.

**Chapter 25**

To say that Tobias Spencer was having a bad day would be an understatement.

The office was buzzing about the good mood the office's most feared member of upper management had been in for the last couple of months. She was actually _smiling_ in the mornings when she came in, even _before_ her morning coffee. She hadn't sent anyone home in tears or drove an intern to quit due to a near mental breakdown trying to keep up with her in weeks. The other day she had actually _laughed_ at a joke that didn't involve tearing someone down.

And, possibly the worst of all, the rumors were crediting her assistant - that _entirely_ vexing widow and _mother_, Rachel St James - with the pleasant change in her demeanor.

He couldn't _stand_ it.

She was _his_. His _wife_. That intolerable woman did not have _any_ claim on her. _He_ had married her. _He_ was the one who made her _writhe_ when he made love to her. That St James bitch had _nothing_ for her that she couldn't get from _him_.

And he'd make her understand that.

Slamming open the door of her office, he stormed in and smacked his hands down on her desk, glaring at her. "_What_ is the meaning of these rumors that you are _involved_ with your _assistant_, Santi? You aren't actually _fucking_ that bloody _slut_, are you?"

Santana jumped, her head snapping up from the screen of her laptop as she heard the crass hollering of her ex husband. Sure, he always had a temper, but so did she. But she had never seem him look at her like that.

"Tobias?" she stumbled, moving to stand, "why are you screaming? What the fuck is going on?" she asked as she cautiously moved closer to him.

"_Rachel?_" Now she was really confused. She hadn't told anyone, she didn't talk to anyone about her personal life. But... was Rachel that cautious? "Tobias, you know better than to listen to gossip. Why are you even listening to the employees?" she said drumming up on his hate for everyone who was non-executive level.

He sneered at her, "Don't expect me to believe your lines, Santi babe. Remember who knows you. _Intimately_," he reached over the desk to stroke a finger along her jaw. "You think she can do anything for you? That she has any idea about your _needs_, my kinky girl?"

Santana was just getting more and more confused. "Don't touch me," she sneered pushing his hand away, "you don't know me anymore. For your information - not that you deserve or need to know - I'm not sleeping with Rachel. Back off, T."

"Good. Because I _know_ you're aware of our company's policy of interoffice romance, Santi." He smirked at her, his eyes cold, "You wouldn't want your little toy to lose her job, now would you? But, since you're _not_ fucking the slut, how about you and I go get a drink tonight? Relieve some..." his smirk grew positively lustful, "_tension_? I know you don't like to go too long without _attention_, my little Spanish Harlem harlot."

"How many times am I going to have to explain to you that I'm no longer interested? That I divorced your ass and that means you don't get to touch me anymore." she spat, sitting down and drinking her coffee.

He chuckled, "You certainly didn't think that the day they planted the slut's husband. God, Santi, you were _insatiable_. Couldn't get enough of my dick, could you." Tobias leered at her, letting his hand drift over the crotch of his pants, "Missed getting fucked by your _husband_, didn't you."

"Stop, okay?" She said, "She's not anything near a slut and the only reason that happened was that I was upset, and really drunk. I don't even remember it, okay?" She sighed, trying to focus on working.

"Not anything near a slut?" He laughed, "You have to be _kidding_ me. Her husband _died_ and she was was shacking up with you within a couple of _months_. Now there's all this _talk_ about the two of you getting together? Open your damn eyes, Santi. She's just gold mining. Moving right on up the ladder now her meal ticket cashed in. And you're just letting her and her little parasites feed on you. She'll drain you dry and drop you in the ground same as she did her man, Santi."

"Fuck you," she spat as she looked at him, "just go jack off somewhere else and leave me and her alone."

"What a lovely offer, Santi." He let out a dark chuckle, coming around the desk and leaning over to kiss her roughly before dancing back out of the way of her angry response, "But I'll have to pass for now. You'll come to your senses eventually and come back to me, little girl. And if you _are_ going to fuck your little slut, _do_ try and keep it out of the office. That's a good girl."

Santana growled and lunged at him. "get the fuck out!"

He grabbed his crotch and winked at her as he backed out of the door with a leer and a wink, "You wish, Santi baby. All you gotta do is say the word and I'll take you over that pretty little desk of yours. Remember who you belong to. It's _not_ that little slut of yours." Then, he was gone, out the door and down the hall to his office, leaving a fuming Santana behind him.

Santana yelled after him in Spanish before resting her head on her arm and whimpering. She hated who he had become. And she knew he was going to take his anger out on her and Rachel.

* * *

><p>It had taken a few days to decide on what he liked to consider the perfect plan of attack. Obviously Santana was too accustomed - and far too aggressive - for his typical methods to work, but Rachel was still innocent to the tacks he could take to get what he wanted. And what he wanted was Santana back in his bed and that annoying St James woman out of the picture.<p>

He'd had to send away for the copies to be made, not wanting any unfortunate questions to be raised, but when they'd arrived in his mail last night he hadn't been able to help the laugh that swelled in his throat. Or the bulge that swelled in his pants as he flipped through the prints, selecting his favorites for _special_ attention. He loved taking pictures and video of - memorializing - his love making with the fiery Latina, had for years as evidenced by the suitcase of carefully organized photo albums and folio of DVDs carefully labeled from the seven wonderful years he'd shared with his wife.

These though. _These_ photos were from a _special_ night.

He'd found her in the bar, swirling her ice in her glass, all maudlin and _vulnerable_. It was his favorite look on her. He'd signalled for another of what she was drinking, carefully slipping the little packet of powder that always put her into the mood and carefully swirling it around to mix it in. He'd offered it to her with a consoling smile, expressing sympathy and a mocked grief for the loss of her friend's husband.

She'd drank. She _always_ drank. Because she wanted him. He'd smiled and reassured the bartender that she was his wife and he'd just take her home when she slumped against him. Oh he'd enjoyed that night. She'd been up for anything he wanted. And after four _years_ of divorce and being forced to find other outlets, he'd wanted _everything_.

He'd been grateful he'd taken his medication that night because it had taken _hours_ before she was sated. Of course, she'd gone right back to her arrogant refusal of having anything to do with him in the morning, leaving him to stroke off the erection he'd been playing with when she woke up on his own. But he didn't mind. He'd felt completely drained but fully sated after that night. She'd always been the best at fulfilling his needs and she still was.

Now, the photos of her spread before him on the bed were spread out on his desk for his appreciative eyes to drink in. He hated the grainy greenish tint of night photography - the work of amateurs in his opinion - and always kept the bright lights on in the room as he made love to his wife. So the ivory cream of his semen spreading over the tanned skin of her full breasts and stomach in one shot, or dripping from the luscious globes of her ass in another, or - and this was his favorite - splashed over her cheeks and dripping from her chin as he pulled her off his erupting cock with his hand fisted in her hair. He _loved_ the self-timer feature on his camera that let him get such wonderful shots.

He loved seeing her covered in his cum, loved how she let him roll her over and take her in the ass. He slid the photo of his dick disappearing into her anus out from under one of him taking her in her dripping pussy with a pleased smirk. His favorite part was that she never insisted he wear a condom like those _professional_ women did and she always let him take her in _all_ her holes like a _proper_ wife should do.

The knock on his office door distracted him from the bulge he was stroking in his pants as he looked at the pictures. He glanced up to see Rachel standing in the door of his office with a decided look of apprehension. "You wanted to see me, Mr. Spencer?"

"Yes, come in." He smirked at her, "Do close the door and have a seat."

With a glance to the clear glass of his office walls, Rachel let the door click shut behind her and came over to sit down with no little hesitation at the chair across from him. She hated that his height and bald head made her think of her father Leroy, but that was as far as the resemblance went - a fact she was supremely grateful as the man generally made her feel entirely unpleasant. "What can I help you with, sir?"

"Well, first," He leaned back in his chair, his dark eyes only leaving her to flick down to the photos on his desk, "you could tell me what your intentions are regarding my wife."

Her eyes narrowed, a slight tic in the corner of her lips showing her irritation at being hit was this immediately, "First, as if I need to remind you _again_, sir, you and she are _divorced_ and she is not your wife. Secondly, we are _friends_."

"Friends," he chuckled, "Yes, that is rather what your sort of thing is being call lately isn't it. _Friends_. So much less crude than the terms applied to two men, isn't it."

Rachel stood up abruptly, "I sincerely don't know what you're referring to, Mr. Spencer, but this conversation is highly unprofessional and I believe this should conclude this meeting before you venture into an area which might be regarded as sexual harassment in which case I will have no choice but to involve the authorities. Good day to you."

She turned towards the door, but he stopped her short with his next, "I really would stay and listen to what I say, Mrs. St James. After all, if you _are_ becoming involved with my _wife_," he raised a brow, daring her to contradict him again, "then you truly _should_ be aware of the fact that she's just using you because she's being petulant. Santana has _needs_, Mrs. St James. Needs which only I and my," his hand disappeared under his desk with an indulgent smirk, much to Rachel's disgust, "_special friend_ can fill. That's why she keeps coming back to me and why every time she does the sex lasts _all night_. She's _insatiable_ in her lust for my cock."

Rachel's expression twisted with disgust, "You are a _vile_ man, Mr. Spencer. How _dare_ you talk about her in such a fashion? Santana is _not_ like that!"

"She's not? She's _not_?" He laughed, "Oh my dear _God_, she has you fooled, Mrs. St. James! Did you know the night your husband was _buried_, I was burying my cock into every hole she had? Cunt, mouth, _ass_." He grinned at the horrifed look on Rachel's face, "Oh yes, she _especially_ likes it when I shove my big dick into her tight little ass. When I _pound_ her into the mattress. She just _begs_ me for it, begs me to cum all over her hot little body."

Rachel shook her head, "You're lying. Santana is not like that. And you're a disgusting man to even say such things."

"Lying?" He laughed, "I'm hardly lying. I have _proof_ of how much she likes to drink from my cock, see?" He picked up the picture of Santana with her jaw hanging open and semen splashing all over her cheeks, chin and closed eyes, dripping from her full lips and tossed it at Rachel.

The woman barely caught it and had to stare at it for a moment before it sunk in what she was looking at. She could barely keep her hands from trembling as she looked up at him, "W-what is this?"

"That, my dear, is one of the many things your precious _Santana_ got up to the night you were crying into your tea over your poor dead husband being buried." He tilted his head back, hands folded behind his head as he gazed up at the ceiling with a fond smirk, "Don't get me wrong, I _certainly_ enjoyed it. Santana is _quite_ the kinky girl after all." He rolled his eyes down to look at her gaping in shock at the photo in her hands, "Don't be so surprised, Mrs. St James. That's hardly the only photo. She does love the camera. If you get what I mean." He waggled his brows at her with a leering grin.

"This... This is _disgusting_. _You_ are disgusting, Mr. Spencer." Rachel looked for a moment like she was going to fling the photo in the man's face, "How _dare_ you take vile photos like this? _If_ she was with you that night, then she _trusted_ you and... and you treated her like _this_?"

"Oh, like I said, there's more, Mrs St James," he smirked, straightening up and pushing the scattered photos into a rough piles before handing them across to her. "Here. Do enjoy."

Rachel's hands shook as she flipped through the photos, her face paling more and more. "You're sick." The words came out whispered, "You are _sick_, Tobias Spencer. I thought I thought little of you before now, but..." she shook her head, swallowing against the feeling of vomit urging up her throat. "You are a vile and _disgusting_ man and I hope you _rot_."

She spun on her heel, storming out of the room and slamming the door behind her, but not before he got a final word in. "Don't forget she _loves_ it really _rough_, Mrs St James. Slap her around or she'll never get off, and don't forget she likes it _especially_ up the ass."

Rachel's frustrated scream of disgust was almost audible through the door of his soundproofed office as the painting behind him shivered and fell from the wall from the force his door was slammed. He just sat back and watched her storm away as he unfastened his pants and stroked himself under the desk with an amused smirk. Eventually he bored of his hand and leaned forward to press the intercom button on his phone. "Ms. Smith? Could you come in here? I find I have need of your services."

* * *

><p>By the time she got down the hall and was standing outside the door into Santana's office, her disgust and outrage and died down leaving her feeling far more nervous than wrathful any more. She looked down at the top of the stack of photos still clutched in her hands - an awkward shot of her splayed on a bed, thick cum splashed over her abs and breasts, sliding in ropy trails down her body - and back at the door, swallowing hard. She wasn't sure if she wanted to cry or vomit every time her eyes flicked over the photos.<p>

The night Jesse was _buried_. She'd gone to _him_ when Rachel's heart was being torn out of her chest and buried in the cold ground. Gone to him for _sex_.

She understood - logically at least - that the day had been terribly emotional for everyone involved and Santana was hardly an exception. She also knew that there was no way she would have been capable of giving her girlfriend the sort of physical comfort she'd apparently craved. But that didn't stop her heart from aching or stop her from wishing she _had_ come to the grieving newly made widow.

Finally, she took a deep breath and lifted a hand to knock hesitantly on the door of Santana's office before opening it. She stepped in with the door, but lingered in the opening. It was unlike her but she felt so much trepidation ever since the photos had entered her hands. She wasn't sure if Tobias had truly been lying or not. If she was just a distraction from him or if she and her children actually meant something to the other woman.

"Santana?" Her voice was soft, uncertain. Worried.

Santana looked up and all the stress from her day drained from her face. She smiled at the other woman waving her. She struggled to swallow her mouthful of coffee to speak.

"Hi, babe," she beamed, her lips curling into a smile. "I missed you," she said as she stood up and walked to the woman. "Today has sucked and I just want to go home and snuggle with you."

"Do you?" Rachel couldn't keep the trepidation from her voice as she folded the stack of photos against her chest, "Are you certain I'm not just a distraction?" Her words were soft and far more hurt than she usually directed towards the woman, especially lately. She didn't want to feel so hurt, but she couldn't deny that Tobias's words had struck her hard - especially when combined with the photos in her hands.

"Huh?" Santana asked, her head had been hurting since she saw Tobias and she waited until she could see her family tonight. "What are you... Rachel? What's going on? Did you suddenly decide you don't want to be my girlfriend?" she asked, hurt to even think that she screwed things up already. "You know perfectly well that all I ever want to do is come home to you and the kids."

Rachel shook her head, practically curling into herself around the photos, not able to bring herself to meet Santana's eyes - afraid that she'd see truth in Tobias's words there. "No, of course not. Being your girlfriend is... is one of the few things that makes me happy anymore since Jesse died. But," she swallowed against the thickness in her throat and blinked back the sting in her eyes, "do you really want me? Or are you just being with me out of some sort of misguided pity or something?"

The pain in her chest seemed to grow with every word pouring out of her lips, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. She felt like she was tearing herself apart asking the questions. The stack of photos almost felt like they were burning her where she clutched them against herself. He'd said she wanted them, that she knew about them. If she knew, she had to want them, right? Just the thought made her want to break down and sob.

Santana moved to hug the woman. "What are you saying? You know I'd never think that." she reached out to stroke the young mother's face. "I care about you so much."

Then she figured it out. "Oh my god. Fucking Tobias got you too? He came in here bitching about hearing we were together! I told him to go to hell. Baby... I hate him. Please don't let him get to you."

"Get to me?" Rachel pulled away, looking hurt, her voice pained, "Why would he get to me when he has you?"

"The fuck? He doesn't have me... I haven't even spoken to him outside of work for over a year. I don't even recognize him anymore!" Santana was upset and pulling away. "Why are you saying this?"

The smaller woman shook her head and shrugged, "Normally, I wouldn't give any credence to anything that came out of that man's mouth, but... there's _photos_, Santana. And they are exceedingly telling." She could feel the tears starting to trickle down her cheeks to splash on her arms where they were folded over the photos and she yelled at herself mentally for crying.

"The night he was _buried_, Santana? I know you are a passionate and highly sexual woman, but the night my husband was buried?" She bowed her head sinking down on the sofa. "I wish you could have come to me," she whispered, dropping the photos to scatter about her lap as she clutched at her arms, digging her nails into the skin of her upper arms to try and use the pain to help her regain some measure of control over her emotions.

Santana was beyond confused. "Photos?" she whispered, "I don't understand, Rachel. Please don't cry." she wasn't even understanding what was happening she ignored the photos to care for her girl.

"I... I didn't look for him. Evidently he found me... I was in a bar. I don't remember anything. I'm so sorry... Rachel, I didn't mean to do anything..."

Then she saw them. Trembling fingers picked up photos. All she saw was skin and depraved acts at first. Then she saw her face. Santana grabbed her stomach and vomited into the garbage.

"He..." Rachel gasped through her quiet sobs, ignoring that she was digging her nails into her arms so hard thin rivulets of blood were coming down from a couple of the indentions, "he said you _wanted_ it. That... that you _begged_ him. That," she looked like she wanted to be sick, her features twisted with nausea and her skin pale behind her normal olive complexion, "that you begged him to... to take you from behind."

"Santana..." her voice was thin and wavering, "Santana, _why_? You're not like that... I know you're not..."

"I never! I didn't! That's not me! I swear to go I would never do that! I don't remember... I never knew... When did he?" She said softly after picking up the photos trying to understand.

"Not even when we were married... I don't like sex like that." All she could remember was how much she hurt the next day, she never... "I didn't want him. Why does he have pictures?" she looked up vulnerable and scared.

"I don't know," Rachel finally looked up at her, the pain in her eyes at someone doing those sorts of _things_ to her girlfriend mirroring the ache of her heart. "I don't know why or how... but he does. I just..." she shook her head, biting her lip, unclenching her hands from her arms with a wince and reaching for Santana, "oh God, Santana, I've never _hated_ anyone as much as I do him right now..."

Santana sat silently, staring at the photos. At her body, having things she'd never let him do to her be done. She was stunned, tears running down her cheeks. She felt violated.

"Santana?" Rachel whispered softly. She wanted to pull the other woman into her arms, wanted to offer some comfort, but she didn't know if it would be welcome so she just reached out and carefully let her fingers rest gently on her shoulder. She was crying, she knew she was, but she couldn't stop. Her fears that Tobias had been telling the truth had been eliminated only to be replaced with something much worse. "Tell me what I can do? Please, sweetheart..."

"I never..." she said softly. "I didn't think I drank that much..." she whispered looking at her own lifeless face. "why did he think this was okay?"

"I don't know." It was all she could think to say, her heart breaking for the woman beside her who was slowly starting to fill the aching void left by Jesse's death. She carefully wrapped an arm around Santana's shoulders, pulling her close. "I don't know but you didn't deserve it, sweetheart." She placed a soft kiss against Santana's hair, "This isn't you... this is him being a _terrible_ person. He should," she swallowed, gathering her words, "Santana, he should be arrested for this..."

"If he said I said it was okay... I mean if I was drunk I still said it," she curled into herself. "I think... I wanna go home. Please I need to go home." She felt dirty the need to shower over coming her body and making her want to rip her skin off.

"I'll take you home, Santana, of course I will, but..." Rachel swallowed, pressing another kiss to Santana's hair, blinking back further tears, "Sweetheart, he _lies_. Do you understand me? He _lies_. He told me you wanted _him_. That I was just a _distraction_. If he... could he be lying about this too?"

Santana picked up the dozen or so pictures and held them close to her as she gathered her things. She didn't speak. She just followed silently behind her girlfriend. They passed Tobias' office, his shades drawn and door closed. Santana just looked down and headed outside. She didn't bother calling Ajay just silently hailing a cab.

Rachel felt terrible about her role in the entire situation. She just kept her arm around her girlfriend's waist as they waited for the cab to take them home, paying him when they arrived and escorted the broken woman into their home. Ajay's wife came out asking if everything was okay, but she requested that she stay for a little longer as Santana had just received some bad news that she was trying to cope with. She lead the other woman into her bedroom, closing the door behind them and sitting down with her on the sofa.

"Santana... you're scaring me," she whispered finally, after a long moment with no talking, "please talk to me..."

"I need to shower." she stated, quickly putting down her bag and pictures onto her bed and walking into the bathroom. She turned on the water as hot as it would go and got in. She scrubbed herself, everywhere the photos showed _his come_, she scrubbed her face red as she did she remained passive. Silent.

Rachel felt more than a little trepidation as she followed the other woman into the bathroom. She hadn't responded to anything she was doing or saying. It was as if she didn't exist to the other woman right then. But when she saw her girlfriend scrubbing her skin raw, she ignored all of that and climbed into the scalding hot shower still fully clothed, wrapping her arms around the taller woman and doing her best to keep her from scrubbing any further.

"Santana, stop it! Stop it!" She hissed the words, her lips by the other woman's ear as they struggled, "Stop! You're hurting yourself! Just _stop_!"

"Wanna get it off." She stated struggling for a moment before giving up and slumping in Rachel's arm. "I.. I don't remember." She cried, letting the weight of what was going on finally hit her. She started sobbing against Rachel. She felt violated, used and degraded. She didn't know if someone else was there, if Tobias was planning on using the photo's as blackmail... she just didn't know.

"I know, sweetheart, I know," Rachel just kept repeating it over and over as they sank to the floor, the hot water continuing to pelt their heads and shoulders. She wrapped her arms protectively around the taller woman, not caring that the water stung her arms where she'd gouged herself with her nails or soaked into her clothes. All she wanted to do right then was make things better in whatever way she could for her sad broken girlfriend, "He won't hurt you again, sweetheart. I won't let him near you..."

"I just don't understand." Santana whimpered as she buried her head into Rachel's neck. "Why? Why would he do that? Why would he tell you that... or _show_ you those photos..." She started to feel numb again and reached behind her and turned off the water. "I just don't get it... He... he asked if he could... when we first got together but I said I didn't want too... I told him I wasn't into _that_."

"Obviously he decided to ignore your wishes," Rachel was trembling as she held Santana, but she wasn't certain if it was from the relative coldness in the bathroom now that the water was no longer pouring down on them or the sheer amount of anger she was feeling towards Santana's ex-husband in that moment. "I think, maybe... He wanted to drive us apart..."

Santana sighed, standing up and grabbing a towel and handing Rachel one too. "You're gonna catch a cold." She whispered as she carefully dried off Rachel's face. "I'm sorry you got dragged into this." She whispered, she was going to kiss her but then pulled away feeling dirty still. "We should get dressed."

"Santana Lopez, if you think for one moment that I care about my well-being even a fraction when you're in such a state of obvious distress, then I am not entirely certain you know me at all." She took the towel from the woman and wrapped it around her before wrapping her arms back around her and hugging her tight. "What he did to you was terrible, but it does not and will not _define_ you. You are an amazing woman, one whom I am _proud_ to call my girlfriend and share my life and that of my children with."

She licked her lips then leaned up and gently kissed the other woman. "We won't let him get away with this, sweetheart. I promise you."

"Okay." She whispered. She nodded, not a hundred percent sure that she knew how to overcome this. "Can we get dressed." She stated, her lips shivering. When Rachel nodded, she took the woman's hand and went back into her bedroom. She pulled on a large sweatshirt and black leggings and held a similar outfit for Rachel to wear. As her girlfriend got dressed she sat on the bed and put out the pictures one by one. She memorised each, trying to jog her memory about what happened that night. She looked and saw her body defiled and she blinked her eyes to keep off the tears.

"I look dead." She choked, her eyes fixated on a particular one that depicted Tobias's penis in mid orgasm painting her face and chest. She ignored everything else, she just fixated on her face. She looked like she hadn't moved in hours, her eyes looked glued shut, and her jaw was slackened. "I look like a CSI case."

As she peeled out of her soaked garments to change into the clothes Santana had offered her, Rachel watched Santana. Finally she asked the question that had been troubling her since she first saw her girlfriend's panicked reaction. "Is it... Santana, is it possible that you're... drugged? That he gave you something? To, I don't know, knock you out or otherwise incapacitate you? Like," her voice was muffled for a second as she struggled to pull her head through the neck hole of the sweater, "Rohypnol or some other date rape drug?"

"No." Santana said quickly, "That's too evil even for him... You can't rape someone you were with for 8 years, Rachel. I was drunk..." She stated, not at all even willing to think about the only person she had ever really trusted with her body who said he loved her, the man who fathered her child, would help make her dreams come true of being in the music industry.

"That's absurd, Santana. Anyone can be raped and by _anyone_." Rachel frowned, unhappy with the direction her girlfriend was taking, "It doesn't matter at all how long you've been together or even _if_ you were together. Being with someone doesn't make these sorts of actions excusable!"

"It was my fault... I was drunk." She said again, trying to convince herself that it was her fault that she was taunting him too much, teasing him and not setting boundaries in their professional relationship since the divorce. "He's my ex-husband, Rachel..."

"He may be your ex-husband, but _this_," Rachel came over and snatched up the photo showing Santana completely out of it being splashed with semen, "is _not_ you drunk, Santana. I've _seen_ you drunk, remember? I _know_ how you appear. If this was caused purely by alcohol, you should be _dead_, sweetheart, and we both know that's true."

Santana just kept her head down and didn't look at the photo. After a few minutes she pushed all the photo's off her bed and grumbled in Spanish. "I just wanna forgot I ever saw this. I don't remember it... it never happened."

"Okay," Rachel murmured, letting the photo fall from her grasp to flutter to the floor as she crawled onto the bed to wrap her arms around the other woman. "We can try that if you want. We can do whatever you want or need to do. Okay? I'm still going to hate him though."

She kissed the side of Santana's head, squeezing her tight, "Now, do you feel up to dinner with the children? I'm sure they're fretting terribly about you. But if you just wish to rest, that is acceptable as well. However, I feel obliged to warn you that I do not intend on allowing you to sleep alone tonight and whatever your decision, I would very much like to have your permission to hold you tonight."

"I... I think I'm gonna just stay in here." She stammered, "I don't want them to see me like this. Just tell them I have a headache okay?" She hated not even wanting to see the kids, but she couldn't find it in herself to be okay for anyone right now. She nodded, "Please. I... I don't wanna be alone tonight... just.. come in okay?" she whispered, looking up with sad eyes. "Just... please?"

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll tell them you aren't feeling well. Do you want me to bring you in a plate after I get them tucked in?" She combed her fingers through Santana's hair gently as she spoke.

"Absolutely. I'll be here. Whenever you want my company in your bed at night," she leaned down and kissed her lips with a soft smile, "all you have to do is ask me. You know that."

Santana nodded and sniffled, "I know that." She repeated, "I don't want anything... my stomach hurts. But, don't tell them I'm sick okay? Cale gets scared... He just.. he gets scared. Just tell them i'm taking a nap or whatever..." She gulped hating the feeling that she knew Cale would be scared if Rachel said she was sick.

She picked up the photos and tucked them in her drawer, out of sight but still close before she quickly curled into her bed and watched Rachel walk out of the room.


	26. Chapter 26: Ikea

**Chapter 26**

While Kayla wasn't at _all_ happy with her mother's decision to move the bed she'd shared with her father into storage and do away with the pretense that she wasn't sharing a room with Santana, she was having a very hard time staying as upset as she wanted to be when she was sitting besides the other woman clutching on her hand and watching the massive blue and yellow building hove into view. The little girl's eyes were huge as she started to realize just how big the store they were going to really was. She clung tightly to Santana and her mother's hands as they got out of the car, Santana waving at Ajay as he pulled away.

This was a _special_trip. Just for_her_. They were buying _her_ all _new_ furniture for _her_ room. Kayla was beyond excited.

When Rachel stepped away to retrieve the items to begin their excursion into the World of IKEA, Kayla transferred her grip to hold onto Santana's hand with both of her little ones. "It's _big_, Santi," she whispered, looking around at all the people and things, "Lots and lots of people..."

"Yes it is, K," she smiled, "but remember keep holding onto mine or Mama's hand okay?" She smiled and headed into the hallows of IKEA. Santana hated IKEA and wanted to get better stuff for the girl but Rachel had talked her out of it citing that she was only going to out grow it and need new things in a few years anyway.

With her Centurion Card in her pocket, they headed inside to the circus that was Swedish furniture.

hr

Within about fifteen minutes, Kayla's grip on Santana's hand was so tight, it was fairly obvious that she didn't want to let go for anything. Even the profusion of brightly colored stuffed animals wasn't enough to draw her from the relatively safe side of Santana. She'd rarely ever been around so _many_ people at once, all clamoring and pushing and generally being far more chaotic than she was used to in her little life.

Then she caught sight of a little bed with cutouts of a cat and dog on the headboard and her eyes went wide. She tugged on Santana's hand and pointed. "Santi, that one," She bounced slightly, trying to tug the much taller woman towards the bed she'd spotted.

Rachel stepped off to the side as her daughter tugged her girlfriend towards the bed she liked. She'd noticed her phone going off in her pocket and pulled it out to check the messages, assuming it was something regarding work when she noticed it came from the office. Her eyes widened and she could feel bile surging up in her throat though when she opened the attached video and was met with a very graphic scene of Santana being brutally violated. Quickly closing the file, she keyed in the necessary steps to have it sent to her home computer.

Perhaps Santana didn't want to do anything - yet - but Tobias had taken to bragging about his "accomplishments" over the woman she was growing to care very deeply for to Rachel. This video may have been the most outrageous thing he'd sent yet, but she'd saved all of it and once she accumulated enough, she had every intention of taking it to the police and filing charges against him. _With__luck,_ she thought as she dropped the phone back in her pocket and smiled at her waving daughter before rejoining her family, _ithey__'__ll__be__able__to__prove__she__was__**raped**__by__that...__that__**bastard**__by__this__evidence__and__put__him__away__for__life._

Santana giggled and she continued to walk with the girl to the bed. She quickly glared at the family looking at it and picked Kayla up and plopped her down on it. "It's cute, K." She smiled, her hand reaching back to take Rachel's.

Rachel stepped up with a smile, squeezing Santana's hand as it laced with hers, letting her chin rest on the taller woman's shoulder. "Santana, I'm fairly certain there are more available than this display model, so there really is no need to glare so ferociously." She hopped up on her tiptoes to place a kiss on the taller woman's cheek before dropping back down and ducking around her to see how well her daughter liked the bed. "It's nice, Kayla. Do you like it?"

Kayla nodded, "Uh-huh. Look Mama, a puppy and kitty!" She pointed at the headboard as she spoke.

"That's right, little star. Is this the bed you like then?" Rachel smiled indulgently, running her fingers through the soft hair of her eldest child.

Kayla nodded, grinning brightly. "Uh-huh! Can I have this bed, Santi?" She bounced on the bed, her eyes going to Santana hopefully.

"If you like it then of course!" Santana smiled, kinda not as confident in the public as normal. She had introverted a bit since the incident with Tobias and Rachel but she was trying to not let it show.

"So you need a dresser and what else now, Rachel? Santana asked looking at the girl's mother.

"A desk. She needs somewhere to work on her homework now that she's started bringing it home and," Rachel lifted her daughter from the bed with a little grunt of effort, setting her back on the ground where she promptly grabbed Santana's hand as well as her mother's, "someplace for her artwork that isn't the kitchen table, don't you think? And perhaps a storage unit for said craft supplies?" She smiled over at her girlfriend, "How does that sound to you, sweetheart?"

Santana nodded. "They have those cube things.." She said grabbing the order number of bed. She looked around seeing the matching dresser and getting the number as well. "I think this ones matching."

"And," Rachel pointed across the area to where all the children's tables and chairs were, "I believe that might be a matching table and chair? How does that sounds, little star? Do you want your room to match?"

Kayla looked up at her mom and then Santana with wide disbelieving eyes, "Match? Really_match_?" The furniture in her room at the rental house hadn't really matched other than the coat of paint that Jesse had applied to it to make it all the same color. The idea of not only getting special furniture that was _hers_, but it _matching_ too seemed to boggle the little girl. "Can I really?"

Santana laughed softly, her body resting against Rachel's out of exhaustion. "Of course, baby girl."

Suddenly Kayla's arms were around Santana's waist as far as they could reach and she was hugging her tight, "Thank you, Santi! I love you!"

Rachel chuckled softly, her arm wrapped loosely around her girlfriend's waist as she tousled her daughter's hair. "Okay, little star. We've got to go down to the supply area and tell them where to deliver your new furniture if we're all set." She leaned up and placed a light kiss to the corner of Santana's lips, whispering, "Not much longer, sweetheart. We can go home next, okay?"

"We can take her out for lunch if you want." Santana smiled as she bent down and hoisted the girl up on her hip. She carried her down to the warehouse. She put the girl down and grabbed a cart. "Aisle 23..." she looked around.

"If you want, sweetheart. Oh! Over there," Rachel pointed about half way towards the checkout area. Leading the way over, she scanned through until she found the boxes they wanted, "Here we are." She started to pull down the boxes, but discovered they were rather heavier than expected. "Mmm. One moment, Santana. If you can stay with Kayla, I'll go see if I can't find some assistance retrieving these boxes."

Kissing Santana's cheek, she moved off to find an employee to help lift the boxes they needed down onto their cart. Finding a young man willing to assist, she started heading back only to have her phone buzz again. Pulling it out and flipping it open, she found another set of unpleasant photos - this time of a much younger appearing Santana, closer in appearance to the girl she'd known in high school. Her stomach lurched and her lips tightened in an attempt to keep the contents of her stomach in place and not in a nearby blue waist bin.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" The helpful associate asked.

She took a deep breath, composing herself, "Yes, I'm fine," she smiled at the young man, "Thank you for asking though."

Rounding the corner of the aisle where her girlfriend and daughter were waiting, she pointed out the boxes they needed as she slipped the phone into her pocket. She couldn't let Santana see the vile things that horrid man was sending her. Just the way Santana had preserved her from the worst when Jesse had died, Rachel had every intention of protecting her as much as possible from the worst of _this_.

Santana helped the young man load the cart and they pushed it to the checkout. Santana paid and went to set up the delivery when Rachel and Kayla headed to get Ajay and the car.

Santana trudged out pissed off at the people scheduling and came over to Rachel. "they're delivering later," Santana didn't even want to say how much she just bribed the man at the counter for out if hours delivery.

"Amazing," Rachel's brows rose in surprise as she smiled and leaned up to give her grumpy girlfriend a kiss, "I would have thought that delivery wouldn't be available until tomorrow at the soonest. Whatever would we do without you, sweetheart?"

"Have to wait two weeks," she winked as she kissed Rachel's temple. "Now, Kayla. Do you wanna have lunch or do you want to go home to the boys?"

"With just you and Mama, Santi?" Kayla looked up, surprised. "Really?"

As the eldest of the three, she was often expected to be the responsible one, to look after her brothers. It wasn't very often that she was given the opportunity to be the only child in a situation and have her mother and her mother's friend's attention all to herself. She was far more used to the boys - especially Alex - getting all of the attention,_especially_ Santana's, who she still wasn't entirely certain if she should like her or be mad at her most of the time.

"Of course, hun." Santana smiled, booping the girl's nose. "You, me and Mommy." she smiled and looked at Rachel. "What you think, Rae?"

Rachel chuckled, opening the door to the car as Ajay pulled up, helping Kayla into her car seat and buckling her in. "That sounds delightful, Santana. I do enjoy a good meal with my two favorite girls every now and then, right, Kayla?" She leaned in to kiss the girl's cheek before climbing in and taking her seat.

"Right, Mama." Kayla nodded with a big grin, deciding that it was quite possible that _this_ day could be better even than her _birthday_.

"What kinda food you guys want?" Santana asked, waiting for them to get into the car.

Rachel thought about it for a moment, then remembered the uneasy churning in her stomach just a bit ago from the photos Tobias had sent her, "Something simple I think. Nothing too heavy. And," she leaned over to kiss the other woman's cheek, "I thought I might make stuffed shells for dinner and possibly brownies for dessert? _If_ you and your brothers are good, little star."

Kayla brightened up at the idea of possibly getting _brownies_ for dessert and nodded quickly. "We'll be good, Mama! Brownies!"

"Sounds tasty, babe." Santana smiled, sliding in and thinking. "Pizza and salad for lunch?" she asked, tiling her head to the side as she thought.

"Certainly, Santana. That sounds fine. And _then_," she offered a wry grin, "home to assemble our little star's bedroom."

Santana smiled and looked out the window as Rachel and Kayla rambled on about decorating, lost was in her head. She had been racking her brain trying to remember the acts done in the photos she looked at after Rachel fell asleep nightly. But she still couldn't remember.

Ajay pulled up to the pizza place and Santana helped both girls out if the car, escorting them in. She got a booth and slid in one side and asked for three sets of crayons to color with.

"What? I like to color, so does Kayla." Santana pouted when Rachel raised her eyebrow.

"Mmhmm," Rachel murmured with an amused smirk, "And that explains the third set of crayons how? Are you attempting to have me forgo my parental duties and _color_ while we're out at a restaurant, Santana?" Though her words were mildly chiding, her tone was teasing and far more amused than annoyed.

"Duh," Santana stated, sliding one set to Rachel. "Salad and veggie pizza?" she asked as she looked over the menu. "Kay, what do you want to drink?"

"Soda!" The little girl bounced in her booster seat beside Santana.

Rachel raised a brow, "Now, Kayla, you know we don't drink things like that. Tea, juice or milk."

She pouted, but thought about it, "Juice?" She shook her head suddenly, "Uh-huh, _milk._" Kayla grinned up at Santana, "I wanna be big like Santi and Daddy."

Santana laughed - she was hardly _big_ - but compared to Rachel it made sense. "Alright," she smiled ordering coffee for herself and green tea for Rachel as well as the food. She began coloring a picture on her placemat.

"I'm happy you like the stuff for your room, Kay." she stated, "Now you don't have to share with the smelly boys." she teased.

Kayla screwed up her face and nodded, "Really smelly! Caley always leaves his socks _everywhere_ and 'Lex smells like poo lots of times."

"Kayla!" Rachel scolded, but she was having a hard time not laughing, "Santana Lopez, don't you be encouraging her!"

"Hey. She speaks the truth." she smiled as she winked at her girlfriend. "I'll talk to Cale, but Alex is gonna smell for awhile."

"Santana, just because it's _true_ doesn't mean she should actually isay/i it." Rachel finally gave into the laughter trying to escape at her girlfriend and eldest child's antics, "especially not in a _restaurant_!"

She rolled her eyes and smirked. "Sure, whatever you say, Rae."

hr

A few hours later, they were back home and had managed to get Kayla's room painted with a minimal amount of bloodshed. Then, about an hour ago, a stack of flat-packed boxes had been delivered to their front door. Roughly twenty minutes after that, Rachel had backed out of her former bedroom - carefully avoiding the strewn out pieces of wood and assembly parts covering much of the floor - and decided it would be optimal if she left Santana to her construction.

Now, with Kayla and Cale sitting at the table with her assisting, she was carefully stuffing the partially cooked and cooled _conchiglioni_ with the spinach and ricotta mixture she'd made up a few minutes ago. Alex gurgled and laughed on the floor under the table as he played with his blocks. Hearing a crash from the bedroom, Rachel took a deep breath and smiled at her two oldest children.

"Mama's going to go see how Santana's doing with Kayla's new furniture, okay? Do you think the two of you can keep stuffing the shells and putting them in the pan on your own?" The two children nodded, "Okay. Kayla, you're in charge of the cheese mixture, okay? Don't make too big of a mess and I'll be right back. And no fighting please."

Kissing the children's heads, she stood and walked down the hall, wiping her hands on the towel tucked into the waist tie of her apron. Carefully, she poked her head around the edge of the door and offered a hesitant smile. "How are things going, sweetheart?"

Santana looked up from behind a pile if particle board. "Why the hell are there no words and only an Allen key? I mean I'm bouts to drive nails into thus Swiss made crap." She had got the desk and shelves together, but the dresser and bed were giving her a hard time.

"Language, please." Rachel responded, coming in to look at what was going on. "I'm certain it can't be that bad, though you must admit that without nails or screws there is unlikely to be any sharp edges which can catch our little girl."

Picking up the packet of instructions, she flipped through it. A first she'd been smiling but the further she got into the book, the smile vanished and the smile that had replaced it got deeper and deeper until she was staring at the book looking completely dumbfounded. When she reached the end of the book, she turned slowly, taking in the various pieces of wood and metal lying about her feet.

"This... this is ridiculous. Shouldn't there be _some_ sort of written instruction? Perhaps hidden in the box?" She looked at Santana hopefully, "I mean, they don't deliberately create instructions for the functionally illiterate do they?"

Santana nodded, "I mean... Dammit yo." she groaned, banging her head against the bed.

Rachel crouched down beside her and kissed the bump. "The fact that you are as successful as you are at this speaks wonders for your skills, sweetheart. Dinner will be ready in another thirty minutes and then I'll come offer what assistance I may be able to bring to the construction table, okay?"

She stood and headed back to the kitchen, quickly stuffing the last shell and letting Kayla pour the marinara sauce she'd made while the shells cooked over the top of them in their pan. Sprinkling shredded fresh mozzarella over the top, she let Cale help her slide it into the oven, setting the timer as she began washing vegetables for a salad to accompany the pasta. Cale started to run out of the kitchen and down the hall to see Santana, but Rachel called out stopping him.

"Santana's very busy right now, Cale. Why don't you just stay in here with your other siblings and I. I bet Kayla would read to you if you asked nicely." She smiled down at her daughter who nodded.

"Uh-huh, Cale. I can read your Batman book." His sister smiled at him, in a good mood and willing to help their mama by distracting her brother.

"Batman!" Cale crowed, running to get it the early reader book from the living room and bring it back to Kayla, "Read, Kay, _please_!"

Rachel smiled indulgently at her children as they sat on the floor together in the corner and Kayla started to slowly work her way through the book.

hr

Almost thirty minutes later, Santana finally got the bed assembled and set up and and just laid back on the floor. "My back hurts," she complained. "Baby!" she bellowed for Rachel pathetically.

In the kitchen, Rachel finished pulling the pan of bubbling pasta out of the oven and set it carefully on the stove top when she heard her girlfriend yell. Shaking her head with an amused smirk, she glanced at the pair still engrossed in the short book - Kayla's limited reading skills taking far longer to read it than an older child - and decided they'd be fine on their own for a bit.

"Leave the pan alone, kids. It's still hot and will burn you if you touch it. I'm going to go check on Santana and we can eat when she's cleaned up, okay?" Kayla glanced up and nodded, causing Rachel to smile, "Alright, be good and I'll be right back."

Heading down the hall, she stepped back into the bedroom only to find Santana in her paint spattered overalls and bra sprawled on the floor. "Are you okay?" She managed not to laugh, but she couldn't quite help the warm smile that curled her lips as she came over to try and help her up.

She whined pathetically and reached her arms up. "Up." She stated.

"Alright, Supergirl," Rachel laughed, leaning down and letting her girlfriend wrap her arms around her neck as she got a grip under her arms and slowly stood, ending up hugging her in the process. She'd advised against attempting to assemble it completely by herself, but her girlfriend had insisted and the mother had dinner and children to think about, so she'd allowed it.

"I'm too old for this," Santana pouted as she finally got to her feet. She stretched and rolled her neck eliciting a nasty popping sound. "I should change. I doubt my sports bra is proper table attire?"

"You're beautiful, sweetheart." Rachel leaned up and kissed her, "And we're all family. Just wash up, as I'm certain your hands are entirely filthy from handling all of this wood and things, and I'll consider it good. Besides," she gave her girlfriend a tiny smirk and a wink, "I can't say I'm too terribly opposed to seeing you in a bra."

They still hadn't gone beyond kissing in their relationship - despite spending every night tangled together - but the more comfortable the young widow got with her girlfriend - and the more time that passed since burying her children's father easing the dull ache that still occasionally overcame her heart - the easier it was to tease and flirt with her. However, thanks to the matter with Tobias looming over their heads, she hadn't even thought about going further. She had no desire to push the other woman into a place she wasn't comfortable with and until that vile excuse for a human being was imprisoned, Rachel wouldn't feel truly comfortable moving into other areas, feeling that Santana didn't need her asking for anything of that nature until she'd managed to find some sort of closure to the incident.

"I'm hot." She winked as she settled the dresser boards into a pile. Santana hoisted the small mattress onto the bed and smiled once she got it into position. "It's really cute." She remarked, her fingers tracing over the wood foot board, "I'm glad she found something she liked, the boy's will have to get stuff someday, but they can share for a bit yet."

"Yes," Rachel replied with a smirk, rolling her eyes as she helped Santana settle things in the room, "you are exceedingly hot. And the boys likely will appreciate the bunk beds until they outgrow it. You chose exceedingly well, sweetheart."

Santana tugged Rachel into the bathroom with her as she washed her hands. She pumped soap into her palms and washed up her arms and forearms trying to get as much paint off as she could. "I hope she likes the room... she was so excited to get her own stuff."

Rachel leaned against the wall as Santana washed up, watching idly, "I'm sure she'll love it. Jesse and I were only able to buy her previous bedroom set decidedly piecemeal and completely secondhand. It was a good idea taking her along and letting her pick. Thank you for suggesting it." She leaned over and pecked her girlfriend's cheek with a smile.

Santana continued scrubbing her arms, looking down at her hands in the sink. "I don't want to go to work tomorrow," she whispered. It was Friday when everything went down with Tobias and she had been fortunate enough to not have to go in the next day, but now that she did she was nervous. She didn't know how she could face _him_. How she could sit in a meeting and know what he did, that he was trying to ruin everything with her and Rachel by showing her those pictures.

For a while Rachel was quiet, just taking in what Santana had said. "Then don't." She shrugged, "You're the COO, yes, but I'm your assistant. I believe I can serve adequately in your place for a couple of days if need be. We've been working together nearly a year and I like to believe I'm beginning to get a feel for how you prefer to work with your artists. If you need a couple of days to adjust," she let her hand rest on the other woman's arm lightly, "I can take up the slack."

"You shouldn't have too, and I can't pussy out of this." Santana sighed, as she dried her hands and looked at Rachel. "It makes it worse if he knows he got to me. He knows he won…" She rolled her neck, "I don't want to think about how much he's enjoying the fact he's fucking with us…" Santana rubbed her eyes and leaned over the sink to take out her contacts and slip on her glasses. "Can we go have dinner? I just wanna be with the kids."

"He _hasn__'__t_ won, sweetheart, but okay, and we can definitely go have dinner, it should be cool enough by now to eat. But first," Rachel stepped close, twining her fingers in the straps of her girlfriend's overalls, "would you mind terribly if I were to kiss you in the fashion I've been desiring all day?"

Santana smirked as she gently brushed her lips against Rachel's, "How would that be?"

"That would be soft," Rachel murmured against Santana's lips, "but possessive and oh so very _you_. Passionate and intense enough that it feels like everything is tingling. Just like," her lips brushed over Santana's lower one, nipping slightly, "you make me feel every time you're near me."

Santana whimpered softly, her hands sliding around Rachel's waist and pulling her closer. She fused their lips together, her tongue parting through Rachel's lips and flicking over the back of the other woman's teeth. She slowly explored Rachel's mouth before pulling away, "Something like that?" she whispered.

The young mother had pressed her body up against her girlfriend's during the kiss, pressing her back against the sink with her fists knotted around the straps of Santana's overalls. She blinked her eyes slowly open with a lazy, dazed smile as the woman pulled away. "Oh _yes_," she breathed, the tip of her tongue running over her slightly swollen lips as she tried to calm her racing heart and unsteady breath, "that is _definitely_ what I was thinking about all day..."

Santana smiled, leaning in and flicking her tongue over the woman's earlobe. "Was that all you were thinking about?" She wondered, her fingers tracing the line of skin on the waistband of Rachel's stomach. "Because, I think that we could do a lot better than just a simple kiss." Santana rested her lips over the lobe, taking it into her mouth and gently sucking on it.

Rachel's hand landed on Santana's wrist, stopping it's exploration. "Perhaps not," she whispered with a blush darkening her cheeks, "but the children are in the kitchen, as is dinner. Now," she looked up at the woman who meant more than she'd ever dreamed someone could mean to her after Jesse died and smiled softly, "isn't the right time."

"I know it's not." Santana nodded, trying to push the thought that maybe Rachel didn't want to be with her sexually was because of the photo's. Because of what she was _doing_ in the photos. She pulled away and looked at the ground.

"I'm gonna go change... I'll be right there." Santana replied as she moved to leave the bathroom and head into her bedroom to change into different clothing.

Rachel frowned when Santana pulled away and wouldn't look at her. "Hey," she called softly, reaching out to catch the other woman's wrist, "I mean it, Santana... _now_ is not the time. I would prefer not to traumatize our children with hearing their mother and her girlfriend making out in the bathroom while they're waiting for dinner."

She stepped forward, closing the distance Santana had opened when she turned to leave, letting her free hand trail down the other woman's chest, "Just wear this and I'll," she caught her lower lip between her teeth with a shy smile, "_help_ you change later, if you'd like..._after_ the children are asleep..."

"I understand," she whispered, as she squeezed Rachel's hand. "Let's go get dinner. The little ones must be running amok in the living room by now." She replied as she headed into the kitchen.

When they entered the kitchen, Alex was sitting in with Cale playing with his blocks. "Ma! Mama!" He exclaimed seeing the women enter the room.

Santana leaned down and scooped him up, dropping a kiss onto Cale's head with a smile. "You guys ready for dinner?" She asked as she popped Alex into his highchair and grabbed the stack of plates and slid them onto the table. "Three milks?" She asked Rachel, who nodded as she pulled out the cups and pours milk into the respective ones. Santana put them on the table and helped Cale into his booster seat before pouring water for Rachel and herself.

Kayla climbed carefully into her own booster seat as Rachel carried the still slightly steaming tray of stuffed shells in and set it on the table. "Do you mind serving everyone while I get the salad and bread, sweetheart?" she asked, dropping a kiss on Santana's cheek before disappearing back into the kitchen for the rest of the food.

She pulled the tray over as she nodded, putting down a shell on each plate - pulling Alex's away before he could grab it so she could cool it down prior to him diving in. "They're still hot so be careful okay?" Santana warned as she watched Cale lick his lips. "Also, wait til your mama sits down okay?" Cale pouted and nodded. Santana headed into the kitchen to put the pan back on the stove so the children wouldn't burn themselves on the hot sides then headed back to the table. She cut the baby's pasta into small pieces and blew on it for Alex.

"Kayla, are you excited about sleeping in your room tonight?" she asked as Rachel came back with the rest of dinner. Santana pulled some salad out for Alex and cut it into tiny pieces before putting a bit on his tray.

Kayla's eyes were wide, "I can sleep there _tonight_?" She looked up at Rachel with big, hopeful eyes, bouncing slightly in her chair, "Can I really, Mama?"

Rachel glanced over at Santana with a slightly questioning gaze, then nodded with a slight shrug as she served salad and bread to everyone else while her girlfriend made the food easier to eat for the baby. "If Santana says you can, then I see no reason why you can't. The walls are dry now after all and she just finished assembling your bed."

"She _did_?" Kayla asked in an awed whisper before turning starry eyes on Santana, "Santi's 'mazing..."

Santana smiled, "I mean we kept the windows open all day and we painted before IKEA..." she shrugged as she pushed the plate of cooled and cut up past and salad over to Alex who went about making his face a mess. "And your bed is up, so once we put some sheets and blankets on it, you're good to go..." She was happy that Kayla was pleased - when she was angry it made Santana's heart brake, so seeing the girl smile was worth everything.

"And then the boys will have their Batcave... it's all perfect." she took a bite of her pasta, "so all you have to do is put your stuff away after school tomorrow and help mommy put hers away."

"I don't know how much she'll be able to put away with her dresser still unassembled, sweetheart," Rachel added with a chuckle, sitting down once everyone was served and closing her eyes for a brief prayer over the food. She tried to tone down on her religious observances in the home so as not to make Santana uncomfortable - especially considering how poorly she had come out of the experience of _shiv_a - and so tried to avoid open vocalization of the prayers.

The little family hate their meal, quietly discussing the more exciting parts of the day. The boys looking on with wide eyes as Kayla told the tale of their adventures at IKEA, Rachel and Santana chuckling with fond amusement as she gesticulated.

hr

Santana flopped down on her bed after vacuuming the hell out of Kayla's room and getting the bed and nightstand finished as Rachel bathed the kids. Santana rocked Alex to sleep as Rachel put the other two to sleep followed quickly by Alex going to sleep for the first time in his and Cale's room. Santana moved back into the master bedroom and flopped down onto the bed. She laid on her back and closed her eyes.

Rachel came into the bedroom in her pajamas, her hair mostly blown dry but still a little damp from her shower. Pausing in the doorway, she considered what she was thinking of proposing before closing the door with a blush. She crossed the room quietly, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and trailing her fingers over the denim of her overalls to toy with one of the clasps holding the straps closed.

"Santana?" she whispered softly, tracing little patterns on the taller woman's skin over her collarbone, "You're not asleep are you? I thought we might continue our... _discussion_ from the bathroom now that the time and setting are more appropriate," she bit her lip, worrying at it slightly, "though I suppose if you're too tired..." She sounded slightly disappointed at the idea.

Brown eyes blinked open and she smiled at Rachel. "Not at all. I was just resting my eyes for a second." She pushed herself up and rested on her elbows. "I'd love to continue _talking_." Santana smiled as she licked her lips, "I mean, the children are in bed... in their own rooms... so we don't be interrupted."

"Perhaps a little less talking?" Rachel whispered, leaning in to catch Santana's lips in a soft but passionate kiss. When she pulled away, she'd somehow maneuvered herself to being half on top of her girlfriend, fingers still toying with the brass clasps of the other woman's overalls. "I'm still not ready for... all the way, but," she licked her lips looking at Santana shyly, a blush staining her cheeks, "I want to feel you... Your," she stumbled slightly over the word in her shyness, "your Iskin/I against mine... It's been so long since anyone has touched me like that, Santana, I just... I need to feel you against me..."

"Yeah." Santana said, her breath picking up as she spoke. "Yeah. We can... yeah." She kissed Rachel again as she hands moved to Rachel's long night gown up and bunched it up over her thighs. She kept kissing Rachel, moaning softly into her mouth as she tugged the shirt up and broke the kiss to tug it off her head to toss it off the bed.

Santana laid back, her hands resting on Rachel's thighs. She just let her eyes roamed over the smaller woman's form. "Baby." She said, her breath catching in her throat. "So beautiful."

Rachel chuckled softly, her head bowed and her arms crossing awkwardly over her body as she looked away, "Yes, for a former possible Broadway star and widowed mother of three, I suppose my body is acceptable. But I'm nothing compared to you, Santana." Her arms stopped awkwardly trying to hide the marks of three pregnancies on her body as her fingers moved to unfasten the clasps of her girlfriend's overalls, sliding the straps away to let the top of the overalls fall. "You're..." she shook her head in disbelief as her eyes roamed over her girlfriend's abs, her breath catching in her throat as she drank in the sight before her.

"Beautiful," she finally whispered, a tinge of awe in her voice. "Amazing."

Santana watched as Rachel watched her. She watched her eyes slide down her neck, to her chest, to her stomach. She had always been attractive, and years of sports kept her muscles strong and defined, but no one ever looked at her the way Rachel was looking at her right then.

"Rae." Santana whispered, her fingers moving to tilt the young mother's heads up, when she started to wiggle in nerves. "Kiss me?"

Rachel smiled as her eyes met her girlfriend's, a slow sense of wonder dawning in their rich brown depths. "I'd love to," she murmured, leaning in, her eyes slowly closing as she captured the other woman's lips with her own, moving against them with soft caresses as her hands drifted up to tease with feather-light touches against Santana's neck and upper chest.

Santana kissed back softly, her lips pressing with increasing pressure against Rachel's. She ran her fingers through Rachel's hair tugging her gently.

Rachel whimpered into the kiss, shifting to lay more on top of the other woman, hands sliding to cup full breasts through the sports bra still holding them in place. She tilted her head to the side, deepening the kiss, gently nipping at Santana's lower lip before stroking it with her tongue, asking permission to move further. "Santana," she whispered, drawing back slightly, "I want to feel you." Her fingers stroked over the elastic fabric of the bra, lightly tracing the stiffening bumps of her nipples, "to _see_ you... please, can I?"

"Yeah." Santana husked, sitting up more to aid Rachel's removal of her bra. She took advantage of her ability to reach the other woman's neck and traced the line from her ear down to her pulse point with the tip of her tongue.

Sliding her fingers under the bottom of the sports bra, Rachel tried not to shiver too badly from the feeling of Santana's tongue on her neck as she began to slide the bra up and over Santana's head. She let her palms ease over the soft mounds as she rose the bra higher and higher, stifling a soft moan at the feeling of stiff nipples scraping lightly against the sensitive skin of her palms. When she finally got the bra off, she tossed it aside, not caring where it went, her eyes drawn to the smooth tanned skin that had been exposed to her view.

The feeling of liquid warmth pooling between her legs at the sight of the nude upper body of the woman beneath her erased any lingering doubts she may have had that she possessed an sexual interest in women. She reached out with trembling fingers to lightly stroke over Santana's full breasts, the tips of her fingers gently easing around stiff peaks, sliding under to softly cup the full weight of them. "Beautiful," she whispered, "so very beautiful..."

Santana shivered, her lips pulling away and and looked up at her girlfriend with lust filled eyes. She bit her lip, her eyes on Rachel as she gently explored.

Rachel's voice was low and husky as she bent to gently kiss the upper swell of her lover's breast, "I wish so much that I was ready for more, Santana." She pushed carefully on the other woman's shoulders until she laid back in the bed, her tongue tracing spirals that lead to the taller woman's stiff peaks. She whimpered softly the first time the tip of her tongue touched the pebbled flesh around the nub. "That I was ready for what it would mean," her hands replaced her lips and tongue on Santana's breasts as she moved back up to kiss along the smooth line of her throat, "being with you completely. I'm sorry I can't let him go that far yet..."

"Baby?" Santana moaned, her hand running though Rachel's hair. "I can't understand words when your tonguing my nipple," she said breathlessly as she ran her fingers down the woman's back to flip open her bra and slide the straps down her shoulders.

The young mother chuckled softly, leaning up to let her remove the bra. "You're amazing, Santana," she whispered, nipping gently at the corner of the woman's jaw, "simply amazing."

Once the bra was gone, she let herself lay against the woman beneath her, just delighting in the feel of warm skin against hers for the first time in so long. But the fact that it was _Santana_ beneath her, _Santana__'__s_ breasts pressing firm against hers, made a warm thrill in her heart and almost brought tears to her eyes. Not tears of grief for the first time in a long time, her lips pressed against the warm, soft and tanned skin of the other woman's throat as she thought, but just tears from the sheer strength of the emotions coursing through her from being with her girlfriend like this.

"I think I might love you, Santana Lopez," she breathed, softer even than a whisper as her lips wrapped around an earlobe and sucked gently, teeth lightly scraping on the skin.

"I think I know the feeling." Santana whispered back, her fingers sneaking between them to gently twist the girls nipple and roll it between her fingers. "Is this okay?" she breathed not sure whether or not she was still sensitive or in pain from nursing for a year.

Rachel whimpered softly at the feelings coursing through her and making her press her thighs together in an attempt at relieving the building sensations in the pit of her stomach, but she nodded, "It's, ah, it's good," she gasped, burying her face in Santana's bare shoulder. Her teeth lightly sank in to the skin as she tried to keep from crying out, feeling like she was being set on fire by the woman's touch.

Santana smirked as she flipped them over. She hovered over the other woman for a moment and before leaning down and tracing the outline of the peak with her tongue. She did that to both before securing her lips around one and sucking softly. She slid her denim clad thigh between Rachel's legs and rocked up slowly.

Her head fell back with a soft cry as a hand came up to tangle in her lover's hair. The sensation, so similar yet so very different from her son's suckling, drew fire into her loins, making her rock up into the heat of the body above her. Then the pressure of Santana's thigh - delicious, intensely needed _pressure_ - pushed against her soaked panties and she almost sobbed in relief. The denim of her overalls were rough against the soft, sensitive skin of her inner thighs, but in that moment Rachel didn't care. She was going further than she had truly intended to when she'd began this experiment but she hadn't been touched in so long she _needed_ some form of relief and Santana was offering her one.

She ground into the thigh pressing into her, her free hand sliding down to grip her lover's ass and pull her a close as she could, nails only avoiding digging into the soft flesh thanks to the protective layer of denim. The fingers of her other hand tightened in Santana's hair as she arched her back and pressed her chest closer to the other woman's mouth. She mewled softly, driven past all words but soft, needy gasps of Santana's name.

The darker woman groaned and used her arms to leverage her body weight on either side of Rachel's head. She pressed and rotated into the woman underneath her as her mouth switched breasts. She ran her teeth lightly over the tightened peak, circling her tongue, then continuing to suck slowly.

Rachel could feel herself trembling on the edge. She abandoned her pretense of holding the taller woman against her, raking nails down the bare skin of her back as she rolled her hips, grinding her need against Santana's thigh. She whimpered and moaned, biting her lip almost hard enough to draw blood in an attempt not to wake the children. "Santana," she gasped, "Oh, dear _God_, Santana..."

With that Santana kissed her hard. Messy and full of need. Without thinking, moved her hand down and cupped the wet fabric, her fingers finding and pinching her trembling clit between her fingers.

That was all it took. Shaking and shuddering, Rachel plunged over the edge, her body quaking with the force of the orgasm her lover had driven her to. She bit the woman's lip as they kissed, drowning her wordless cry in her girlfriend's mouth as her nails dug into her shoulders, holding her tight against her. All she knew was that she didn't want to let go of the woman who'd taken her to the edge and cast her over, leaving her sweaty and shaking. "Santana..." she breathed as she sobbed out the lingering traces of the climax that had burned through her.

Santana held her, carefully removing her hand and securing it around the woman's waist. "So beautiful." she whispered.

Rachel snuggled in against her, pressing slow, languid kisses to her lover's throat and jaw, "Amazing... I didn't think... but, you... amazing."

She shook her head slowly, an awed smile turning up the corners of her lips as she looked up at the woman stretched out on her body. Her hair clung to her forehead, messy wisps curled against her cheeks. She reached up with a still slightly trembling hand to trail fingers gently over the cheek of the woman looking at her with such caring it made her heart ache. "What did I do to deserve someone as wonderful as you in my life?" she whispered softly, leaning up to kiss Santana with tender passion.

"You've been through hell. You deserve some happy." Santana stated, pulling the blanket up over them. "I just want you to be happy."

"You make me happy," Rachel murmured, cuddling into the taller woman, ignoring the awkward scratchiness of denim against her skin or brass buttons and clasps pressing into her to wrap her arms around her lover's waist and hold her tight. "Happier than I ever thought I'd be again..." She drifted off in Santana's arms, feeling warm and safe for the first time in the last couple of years.


	27. Chapter 27: Caught

A/N: Warning: Graphic rape and sexual abuse. You have been warned.

**Chapter 27**

The files had kept coming. Videos. Photos. Once he sent an audio file that sounded like nothing but grunts and a pained scream - that particularly disturbed her since she wasn't certain what was happening. But she'd saved every one - backing them up on a flash drive and two blu-ray discs, as well as on her computer's hard drive - steadily building a case to have him locked away as close to permanently as she could manage for what he'd done to the woman she was beginning to believe she loved.

But it was the last file - a video - that had pushed her over the edge and decided her to take what she had to both a lawyer as well as the police. Before now, she'd been waiting for Santana to be ready, but after watching the last file - and feeling utterly sick the entire time - she couldn't wait any longer. Whether Santana was ready or not, she was taking this information to the police and getting that sick bastard away from her lover.

The file had been old, slightly shaking, nowhere near the level of detail of later videos. It hadn't started with him in the midst of raping her girlfriend, but in what appeared to be a kitchen. It'd shown Tobias for a moment looking angry about something, then him mixing a drink. He poured a packet of some sort of powder into the drink and stirred it up before carrying it out into a living area.

Then he'd handed it to Santana, the camera staying on her as she drank it down, apparently at his urging. At first she just looked a little drunk, but then - within only a short period - she went limp, slouching down on the sofa she'd been sitting on. The camera angle jostled like it was being set down, then Tobias was visible, pulling off his clothes before moving to strip the incapacitated girl. When he'd started stroking himself until he was hard, leering down at the nude woman sprawled out on the sofa, Rachel had to turn the file off, unable to watch any further without becoming ill.

She _hated_ him. Hated what he'd done to Santana. What he was trying to do to their relationship. She had never loathed another person the way she loathed him.

Once the file finished adding to the blu-ray and flash drive, she'd reached for the phone. She knew Santana wouldn't be happy - especially not that she'd been hiding that she had received all of these horrid files - but it was time to go to the police and have that vile excuse for a human being arrested and locked away where he could _never_ touch her again. She dialed the direct number for Santana's office, surprised when Ms. Smith answered and not her lover.

"Ms Smith? This is Rachel St James. I dialed Santana's line directly, why are you answering?" Rachel frowned at the tinny voice filtering through the receiver.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. St James, but Mrs Lopez-Spencer is in a private meeting with Mr Spencer and can't be disturbed right now."

Rachel's eyes widened, "Ms. Smith, I need you to see if the curtains are closed on her office. If so, I need you to call security immediately. Mr. Spencer needs to be restrained as soon as possible. I am on my way."

Hanging up the phone before Ms Smith could even reply, Rachel hurried out the door, calling to Ajay's wife who was getting ready to leave, "Mina, I have to go out, please watch the children for a little longer. I'll pay you for the overtime, I'm so sorry."

The older woman nodded assent, her own children in junior high and not home for hours. Rachel thanked her profusely, and ran out to the street, calling for a taxi. Her only thought was to get to Santana as fast as she could.

* * *

><p>Santana was sitting at her desk when her assistant brought in her morning coffee. She drank it slowly, as she worked at her computer not realizing till awhile later she was getting dizzy.<p>

Tobias knocked on the door nearly forty minutes after her coffee was delivered, a smug smirk on his face. He stepped into the office without waiting to be invited, reaching over to give the pull for the curtains that allowed for privacy in the soundproofed office a tug, sending them swinging shut. "Well, hello, my beautiful little whore," He could feel himself stirring, the bulge of his penis already beginning to strain at the front of his trousers as he saw the listlessness beginning to settle in, "ready to see things my way and drop the little slut and come back to me where you belong?"

Santana blinked slowly, she looked up, struggling to hold her head up. "Go away," she stumbled, not realizing that her voice was only emitting grumbled words.

He chuckled, loving it when she tried to resist. He continued walking towards her, hands reaching down to lower the zipper on his pants and pull himself free. He stroked himself, enjoying the feeling of his stiffening cock under his fingers, a smile curling his lip as he imagined shoving it inside her. "Come on, love, why don't you give us a suck?" He tugged her chair away from the desk, his penis twitching slightly at the thrill of her being conscious while he started in on her.

He reached out and took a hold of her hair, fingers curling into the dark strands painfully tight as he pulled her towards his throbbing cock. "You know how much you like the taste of my cock, baby girl. Give us a suck now."

He'd planned this, down to the details of making sure that infuriating bitch St James wasn't coming in and sending Ms Smith in with the special coffee after she'd finished with his morning "meeting" with her. He knew he was taking a risk, but the thrill of possibly getting caught making love to his wife thrilled him. "You love that we're in your office, don't you, my pretty harlot? I bet you want me to open the curtains so _everyone_ can watch us make love, don't you."

"Don't love you." she whispered, trying to pull herself up but ending up flopping onto the floor. "What'd you do?" she asked.

He chuckled, "Just your favorite medicine, my sweet." He knelt over her, reaching down to caress her cheek, "Makes you all nice and ready for me. Just like a wife _should_ be. Now open wide, love, I've a present for you." He could feel his balls tightening up, the hot fire of an impending orgasm curling at the base of his penis as he stroke it towards her faster and faster, a look of slack pleasure flowing over his face.

Santana shook her head trying to get up but failing again. "No..." she protested trying to shake off the cloud around her head.

"You're my _wife_," he gasped just before he climaxed, his semen splashing over her face and dripping down onto her blouse. "Wives don't say _no_ to their _husbands_, my little whore." He tangled a fist in her hair and dragged her up to kiss her cum-stained lips roughly and possessively, biting her lower lip hard enough to bruise as he stroked himself hard again.

"You think that little slut can give you _this_?" He dropped her to the ground, ripping her pants open and jerking them off her body, tearing her panties. His big, rough hands fumbled between her legs, thick fingers driving into her body, not caring that she was dry and completely unready for him. He stroked her hard, a look of anger twisting his face as he glared down at her glazing expression as the drug took hold. "Do you think she can _fuck_ you like I can, harlot?"

He shoved her legs open with his knees, pumping his cock as he lined up with her hole, shoving inside with bruising force. "Do you think she could ever _own_ you like I do, slut?"

He was too busy raping his ex-wife to hear the door slam back against the wall, or hear the sound of things on Santana's desk scattering as Rachel threw herself over it. She may not have been very big, but she'd seen their legs around the side of the desk when she'd shouldered the door open and she'd thrown herself at him, frantic. "Get _off_ her, you miserable son of a _bitch_!"

The force of her 106 pound frame slamming into him at full speed was enough to tear him out of her girlfriend and send both of them crashing to the floor. The cops weren't far behind she knew, but she couldn't wait. Santana _needed_ her and she would be damned before she let that woman down.

Tobias reached back and grabbed her by the back of the shirt, ripping her off his back. "Get _off_ of me! How _dare_ you!" He swung, smashing the back of his fist against her cheek with a sickening crack, sending her spinning to the ground.

Santana was too gone to even realize anything was going on. she lay, exposed and bleeding on the floor of her office. Her face was still covered in remnants of Tobias' first orgasm causing her to stick slightly onto the carpet where her cheek laid into it.

Tobias got up, his breath laboured and he didn't even recognize the fact that the cops might be on the way. He saw his limp wife, her bleeding body matching Rachel's bleeding face. He smirked, cocking his leg back and delivering several bone crushing kicks to Santana's torso and knee. On the fourth kick, the several members of the NYPD stormed into the room, yelling and ordering Tobias to get on the ground.

The shock set in, Tobias was caught, he knew it the moment the cops saw him strike his wife. He was in her office, and he was caught with his pants down.

"Officers, there's a huge misunderstanding. I was with my wife... then this woman attacked us..." He stumbled over his words, as he tucked his penis back into his pants.

"_Sir_ Hands by your side." The officer yelled, moving close to him. He looked down, seeing Rachel holding her face and Santana limp on the floor. "You are under arrest." He stated motioning for another officer to handcuff him and struggle to get him out the door. "I need a EMT, NOW!" The cop hollered as a young EMT ran into the room followed by an older male EMT with a backboard.

"Her pulse is really weak." The older EMT stated as the officer carefully detached the pants from Santana and putting them into an evidence bag. "We need to take her to the hospital." The EMT wrapped her unto a blanket and they settled her onto the backboard.

"Ma'am?" The younger EMT squatted down next to Rachel and looked at her cheek. "We're taking her to the hospital," he informed the young mother. He pressed his fingers to the woman's cheek checking for breaks. "I don't think your cheek is broken, but its going to bruise badly. Do you want to ride with her?"

Rachel nodded, cupping her face with a wince. "He," she had to force the words out past the swelling in her cheek and lip, "drugged her I think. Something in her drinks. Been drugging and raping her for years."

"You fucking bitch!" Tobias yelled, surging against the man trying to drag him bodily out the door, "That's a filthy lie! I don't drug my wife! We were making _love_ when you so crudely interrupted!"

Rachel's eyes flared and she struggled to her feet, "_Love_? Love has nothing to do with you, you disgusting piece of trash! I don't have to lie! You sent your filthy _collection_ to me! I have all the evidence I need to prove what a loathsome piece of garbage you are!"

Tobias stopped, he never thought that the mother that he hated so much would save the photo's and video he send. "You're a filthy whore! You probably got off on those videos that _my wife_ and I made. She _loves_ me and I love her." He struggled out of the cops grasp before he quickly met his face into the wall.

"Don't fucking move." the cop spat as two more officers came and and escorted him out of the office. The EMTs took the Santana down the elevator and helped Rachel up into the ambulance.

"Ma'am, we need to put a tube in her throat to help her breathe. She's having a hard time fighting for air with whatever is in her system." The older man explained as he quickly intubated the woman.

"Do what you have to," Rachel whispered, her eyes on Santana's stained face and her hands wrapped around one of her girlfriend's limp ones. "Come on, sweetheart. Don't you _dare_ leave me and the kids alone. Please be okay." She didn't even realize tears were streaking her face. "Can we at least clean her face off? It's all over her..."

"I wish we could..." The younger man said, as he connected an IV into her arm and braced the badly swollen right knee. "The police need to take photo's of the lnjuries. Collect evidence and samples... I wish we could." He stated, looking down and making sure the woman was properly covered on her lower body.

* * *

><p>Several minutes later, the ambulance pulled into the hospital and a team of doctors took Santana and quickly moved her to the trauma room, leaving Rachel to be handled by a doctor and a nurse.<p>

"Ma'am you can go see her in a moment, I need to clean you up first." The nurse explained, "Also the police need to talk to you..." She nodded her head to the door where a female cop stood. The nurse escorted her in and she looked at Rachel sadly.

"Ma'am what you did was stupid, but brave." She said, obviously feeling for the women how had been terrorised by the man that was being held in a holding cell across town. "But, I need to speak to you about Mr. Spencer and what he allegedly did to Mrs. Spencer." She took a seat across from Rachel after the nurse went to go get Rachel an ice pack. "Will you answer some questions for me?"

"I know," Rachel murmured, wringing her hands anxiously, her face aching badly, "but I had to get him off her. Even before they got divorced. You don't know the things he's done to her. How scared she's been. I couldn't let it happen, I just couldn't."

"Questions?" She looked up, nodding in a short little burst, "Anything. Just tell me what you need to know and I'll tell you everything I know. Just... Let me see her when we're finished. Please. I need to know she's okay..."

"Thank you, Ma'am." The woman stated, "How long have you known Ms. Spencer?" She took out a pad of paper and positioned herself to be ready to write. "Have you ever known her to take drugs or have a drinking problem? Has her relationship with her ex-husband changed in the period of time you've known them? What made you come to the office today, to find her?"

"Her name is Santana. Santana _Lopez_. She is _divorced_ from that vile excuse of a man. And I've known her since we were seven. Drugs?" Rachel shook her head, "The only thing she takes is her prescriptions for ADHD, anxiety and depression, but even then she stopped using them months ago. She used to drink at least a bit at night as far as I know but she hardly ever has since my children and I moved in with her a bit over a year ago."

"Unfortunately, I didn't know them while they were married, Santana went to college in London while I was here in New York. We only got back in touch in the last couple of years, but that man is _vile_." Rachel shook her head irritatedly as she thought about everything, "He didn't like the fact that we were growing closer, exploring the possibilities of a relationship. I believe he considered my children and I a threat of some fashion."

Finally, she took a shaky breath and reached for her bag, removing the two jewel cased blu-ray discs and flash drive that she'd burned all of the files he'd been sending her over the past few weeks. Her hands trembled slightly as she held them out to the officer. "Here. This is why. He's been sending me these awful things for the last few weeks, but I was waiting," she sniffled, wishing she had just gone ahead and turned the data over so this couldn't have happened, "waiting for Santana to want to go to the police. The he," she swallowed, "he sent a file from when she was still young, maybe 18 or 19, I'm not sure. He _drugged_ her and _raped_ her and I just... I couldn't wait any longer. I called to tell her what I was going to do, but Ms Smith said she was in a private meeting with that man. I told her to call security, but she... she didn't."

The officer nodded and wrote down as Rachel spoke. "Ma'am," she took the video's and secured them into a evidence bag. "Mr. Spencer is being arrested for assult of both you and Ms. Spe-Lopez. We can not charge him for attempted rape until we get a warrant to collect DNA from him as well as a warrant for his apartment." She closed her notebook and rested it on her lap. "When Ms. Lopez's blood tests come back we will be able to know better what he drugged her with and if there were long term affects on her from it. Should I know anything else? Any other key facts that may have led you to believe that Ms. Lopez was being abused or mistreated in her marriage?"

"Not rape?" Rachel shot to her feet, eyes wide and jaw dropped with outrage, "She is covered in his damn _semen_! I had to physically _throw myself against him_ to make him _stop raping her_ and I will testify as such in any court of law you may wish! His damn _penis_ was hanging out of his pants when the officers arrived on the scene! Precisely _what_ more do you need to bring charges against that miserable bastard?"

"Look. I know you're upset, but I'm new here and I just need you to answer these questions. I'm going to go talk to my chief when we are done and get him processed." She said calmly as she tried to get the diva to settle. "I need to ask one more thing. Did you have any clues that she was being abused in the marriage? You also mentioned children. Do Mr. Spencer and Ms. Lopez have any children together?"

"Well, allow me to give you a piece of advice, do _not_ tell someone who nearly had her face smashed in while _stopping a rape in progress_ that the _rapist_ will not be charged with rape. If you do not know something, I would _strongly_ advise you simply do not speak of it at all!" Rachel huffed, folding her arms over her chest and glaring at the woman as best she could with half of her face swelling into a massive bruise. "Until that despicable man began sending the vile contents of those discs to me, all I knew was that there was a poorly handled stillbirth which resulted in a great deal of sadness for Santana. The children I mentioned are mine, from my husband Jesse - now deceased, may he rest in peace - the only product of Santana's ill-boded union with that man was her poor stillborn little girl, Alejandra. She never wanted to try again after that."

"Okay." The officer said, standing up when the nurse came back into take Rachel to x-ray. "Thank you for your time and we will be contacting you as soon as we have a case." With that the officer left.

"Come on, love." The nurse stated, taking the wheelchair and helping Rachel sit back down. "Let's get you and x-ray and I'll take you to see her." She whispered, "Ms. Lopez lawyer phoned, you are evidently her emergency contact other than her father." She wheeled Rachel into the x-ray room and quickly took a facial series. "This should take a bit to get read, would you like to go see her now? I just cleaned her up and they've taken her to a secured room."

"Yes, please," Rachel murmured, far more subdued now that her righteous anger at the rookie officer wasn't around to burn away the fierce ache in her face. "I just want to be with her. I don't want her to wake up alone. And... is it possible that I could use a phone to call home and let the sitter know it may be a while before we can make it home tonight..." She didn't comment on being Santana's emergency contact - though the other woman was hers and the children's - though it sent a strange mixture of warmth and pain flowing through her.

The nurse wheeled her into Santana's room. She was lying in the bed, propped up slightly as her leg up elevated in a sling hanging from the ceiling. It was braced but looked a nasty black and blue color. Her face was cleaned and her hair was pulled back into loose ponytail. "I made sure to get everything off and out of her hair. She's been though enough," the woman expressed sadly settling the girl next to Santana.

"We can take the tube out when she starts triggering the vent, because we don't know how much me gave her we need to need to make sure she stays breathing until she wakes up." She explained, pulling the blanket up around Santana. "She had a broken knee - it will get it casted once the swelling drains. She also has a bruised rib cage from the kicks to her torso and her vagina needed stitches from the trauma. All in all, she's going to be okay. Her body will heal and I know you'll help heal her soul." She smiled softly and rested her hand on Rachel's shoulder.

"There's a phone on the table, dial 9 and you can call out. If you need me, my name's Mona. Just press that little button right there and I'll come in." She pointed to the call button and left the women alone.

"Thank you," Rachel murmured, her eyes never leaving Santana still form in the bed. She looked so small, so still. Like she'd never leave it.

Like Jesse.

It scared her. Far more than she truly wanted to admit. But seeing another person that she loved - and as terrified as she was for Santana, there simply was no other word to use - in a hospital bed and helpless had her all but frozen in terror, caught between falling back into the hopeless depression of Jesse's long, slow demise and running screaming as fast as she could.

Slowly, she wheeled her way to the phone and called home, letting Mina know what had happened - minus the worst of the details - and that it would be a while and she was terribly sorry. The older woman reassured her that it wasn't a problem so long as her children could join them at the house for dinner. Rachel reassured her it would be fine and to order in or use anything she liked in the kitchen to cook and that they'd be home as soon as they could.

The task complete, she stood on trembling legs and moved to the side of the bed, lowering the rail on one side and sitting carefully beside her. She traced her cheek with trembling fingers as she forced herself to stay in the room despite the fear choking her heart. "I thought you said you were healthy, love," she whispered, the words choking out through her tears. "You need to wake up and tell me you're going to get out of this bed. You can't stay here. I couldn't bear to have to come visit someone else I loved in a hospital every day. It's just not right. Not _fair_..."

Santana had started to become somewhat lucid, she heard the muffled words of a voice that made her heart swell. Her hand twitched softly and she reached for Rachel's. After a few minutes of struggling to find herself out of the haze that clouded her head she managed to blink open her eyes. Things were blurry, but she could make out Rachel's face, she blinked and try to catch the crying woman's gaze.

Rachel didn't know what to do. She reached for her lover's hand, needing to feel the warmth instead if the clammy coldness that had marked Jesse's touch as the end approached. She couldn't let the children know. They'd be terrified they were losing another parent.

She clasped Santana's hand in both of hers, taking in deep shuddering breaths despite the pain in her face. She pulled Santana's hand to her chest, holding it over her heart, unaware the other woman had awoke. "Please be okay," she whispered, "I need you to be okay, Santana. Please. Just, please, be okay. I love you so much..." She was trembling from the sheer fear of Santana being with him, finding them as she did, combining with her terror of having a partner in the hospital again.

The woman tapped her fingers against Rachel's chest, trying to let her in on that she was waking up. She wanted to tell Rachel she was okay but she couldn't, Santana's finger pressed the nurse call button and Mona came in.

"Look at you," She smiled seeing Santana's eyes attempting to blink open. Mona checked vitals and oxygen levels. "Alright sweetie lets get this out so you can make this pretty girl here with you stop crying." She winked at Santana, she pushed the medication and got the doctor to come in an take the tube out. Santana began coughing hard, her body trembling between the pain in her knee and the pain in her chest.

Santana croaked out a few garbled words before she was shushed by Mona. "Not for a bit yet. You're throat will hurt from the breathing tube." Santana nodded and turned her focus back to Rachel.

"Hi." She whispered softly, reaching for the girls hand.

Rachel did her best to smile as reassuringly as she could at Santana as she reached out to take the other woman's hand again, but she couldn't quite hide the lingering panic at being in the hospital with another partner. She squeezed the hand in hers gently, "Hi." It was all she could muster in that second without bursting into tears, everything finally bearing down on her at once and falling out of control.

She smiled softly, "No need cry," she whispered, "I'm okay. I promise." Santana looked into Rachel's eyes and nodded, "I'm okay." She leaned up and pressed their foreheads together. "You saved me." She said dreamily, her body still feeling effects from the medication. "Can I go home? Wanna go home."

"Not fast enough to keep you from being harmed, love," Rachel was still trembling slightly, but she reached up to gently stroke her fingers over Santana's prominent cheekbones, leaning in to kiss her softly. "I wish I'd been sooner so you wouldn't have to be here. I hate seeing you like this, but I don't think you can go home before they cast your leg."

Santana pouted and laid back before reaching out to Rachel. "You got hurt too." Her eyes finally focusing on him. "Baby." she whispered softly, her fingers tracing the wound. "I''m so sorry."

Rachel shook her head firmly even though it seemed to make her face swim with pain, smiling at Santana. "You have _nothing_ to be sorry for, love. Nothing at all. I got this defending you. That makes it perfectly worth it to me."

She raised the hand clasped in hers up to her lips, pressing a gentle kiss to tanned knuckles, "I will gladly suffer any injury if it keeps you safe and whole at my side, my beautiful girl." She gently stroked her fingers through Santana's hair, softly smiling at her, "You and the children, love? You're my entire world. I don't know what I wouldn't do to protect you or them..."

Santana was quiet for a few moments, her head becoming clearer as time ticked on. "W-what happened?" She asked quietly, "I don't remember..." She looked down at her hands, "My... everything hurts. I was working... I was drinking my coffee and trying to finish working on a report for the communications department and then he came in... He was talking weird and then I don't really remember..."

"He," Rachel trailed off, closing her eyes and trying to drive the images of what she'd seen out of her mind, her teeth biting so hard on her lip, she aggravated the split that had finally closed, sending a fresh trickle of blood oozing down her chin, "he was _raping_ you when I got there... I had to get him off. I _had_ to. I wasn't fast enough to keep it from happening again. I'm sorry." Her eyes dropped to her lap, her shoulders shaking as she tried to hold back the tears, "I let you down. I promised I wouldn't let him touch you again. I failed. I'm sorry, Santana. I'm so sorry..."

"Hey," Santana said softly, "don't. You didn't do this. So don't feel guilty, okay? I'm okay... I'll be okay." she whispered softly as she squeezed Rachel's hand. "I promise that we're okay. That I'm okay."

Rachel looked up from her lap, her eyes wide with hurt for the woman she loved, tears staining her cheeks with tears, one swelling and bruising noticeably. "I hate him," she whispered, "I hate him so much for hurting you. No one should hurt you, Santana. No one. _Ever_."

"I'll be okay. He hurt you too," she whispered, "you can't blame him." she whispered, "he wasn't always like this."

"I'll be fine," Rachel pressed a kiss to Santana's knuckles again, "And I can blame him. You have no idea how long he's been hurting you, love, do you? _Years_, Santana. He's been sending me the most horrible things over the last few weeks - pictures, video of him _raping_ you in the most graphic fashion. Video of him _drugging_ you. God," she swallowed, blinking at the tears welling in her eyes, even though each unnecessary move sent bolts of agony shooting through her face from where he'd hit her, "I should have told you what he was doing, should have made you go to the police and get him _away_ before this could happen. I just," she shook her head sadly, "I didn't want you to hurt any more, didn't want you to pull away from me..."

Santana stayed silent as she listened. "Was.. Did he.. When I was?" she was less worried about herself but what about her child.

The smaller woman looked at her with such pain in her expression as she remembered, "Santana, the last video I saw... the one he sent right before he, he..." she swallowed, unable to say it again, "you looked barely older than you did at graduation. He made you drink something that he'd mixed a powder into while he was angry, and... and he... he..." She shook her head, unable to continue.

Santana sniffles away tears, "I was pregnant then. Do you think he drugged me after he knew about Alejandra?" her voice wavered, "could... That be why?"

Rachel shrugged sadly, reaching over to brush Santana's hair back and gently stroke away a tear that escaped the woman's control with her thumb. "I don't know, sweetheart... I... it," she licked her lips, "it could be. We'd have to ask the doctors if it was a possible cause. But, Santana, I swear, if it is, if _he_ is why you lost your little girl and had to suffer so much pain... I hate him even more."

Santana couldn't think of anything beyond _how could he do that_. How could he _do_ that. "Why?" she whispered. "I was his wife... I loved him." she sniffled and looked away. "I don't understand."

"I don't understand either. A man should _never_ abuse his wife so," Rachel sniffled, reaching up to wipe at her face, wincing when she hit her cheek, "But... please don't hate me for saying this... but _did_ you love him? You told me yourself that you're gay, beautiful," she gently stroked her thumb over her lover's cheek, "did you love _him_... or did you just love the idea of being like all the other girls? Married and taken care of?"

"Does it even matter now?" Santana asked softly. "I wanted someone to love me and he was the first one who did. I thought I loved him."

"No," she shook her head, "No, Santana, it doesn't matter now. But," she licked her lips, smiling awkwardly with the simple fracture to her cheek, "for what it's worth, you have someone who loves you now. _Four_ someones to be precise and we would be terribly lost if we were to lose you now, beautiful girl."

"Not going anywhere." she replied, "I think that I can't even if I wanted too. My knee hurts." she pouted.

Rachel chuckled softly, carefully brushing her fingers through the other woman's hair, "Well, luckily for you, I hear you have this assistant who is absolutely in love with you and willing to do just about any crazy thing you request while you're laid up recuperating _and_ three children who may not be the most _effective_ at helping, but will no doubt try very hard. Your family is going to take care of you, sweetheart. I promise."

"I love you too." Santana said quietly. She nuzzled Rachel's hand softly and smiled. "Rae? I don't want too much media attention on this. You need to contact our publicist and my lawyer is most likely at the cops talking with them."

The young mother took a deep breath and nodded, "Okay, but I want him locked up. I want him in as tiny a cell as they can possibly find for him and I want them to lose the key. Because I am terrified that if he gets out, I may not be able to restrain myself from the intensely violent urges I feel towards him on your behalf. But I will contact the publicist when they take you to get your leg casted and begin work to spin this down as quietly as possible."

She held up her hand to ward off any protests, "It will be soon enough, I'm certain, and I am not going before then. You are _not_ sending me away when another person I love is in a hospital bed. I'm _not_ leaving you alone, do you understand me?"

She nodded. "I don't wanna be alone." she whispered her words trembling.

"You won't be," Rachel whispered, leaning down to kiss her softly, "not for so long as I live."

She nodded, "Okay." Santana kissed her back being careful of the woman's cheek. The events and stress of the day started wearing on her, her eyes began to droop and she started falling asleep. She whimpered scared to fall back into the darkness she woke up from.

Glancing to the door to make sure no one was coming in to yell at her, Rachel wiggled into the tiny space alongside the taller woman, stretching out alongside her, being very careful not to jostle her leg. Gently resting her arm over her lover's stomach, wary of aggravating the bruising to her ribs, and laying her head on her shoulder, she snuggled close. "Rest, sweetheart. Just rest and I'll be here when you wake up," she gently kissed her cheek, "I promise. I'm not letting anything happen to you again..."

"Okay," Santana whimpered, her head moving to rest in the crook of Rachel's neck. "Love you," she murmured prior to falling into a fitful slumber.


	28. Chapter 28: BooBoo

**Chapter 28**

None of the children had been happy that Santana and their mother were hurt, though they seemed willing to accept that there had been an accident with a bad man and that the police had taken him away. Rachel hadn't felt comfortable giving the full details of what had happened, but she hadn't wanted to lie to them either. So Tobias's rape of Santana and rage fueled assault on the two women had been reduced to him hurting them and the police arriving to arrest him and stop him from hurting anyone else.

But one thing had intrigued the three children when Santana had come home from the hospital with Rachel pushing her in a _wheelchair_ with her leg wrapped in pristine white plaster to her thigh. The boys had patted at the cast, Cale looking up at San with scared eyes and whispering, "Hurt bad, Santa?"

"I'm okay," she whispered, her hand running through his hair. "It hurts but I'll get better soon." she smiled, looking over to Kayla who was hesitating. "Hey, baby girl."

Kayla let go of the wall she'd been holding on to and came over to latch onto Santana's hand and arm. "You were in the hospital, Santi. Like Daddy." She looked scared and hesitant. Maybe she was still on the fence about how she felt about her mother's girlfriend, but she knew she didn't want anything to happen to her. "I wanted to come see you. Mama said no..."

"Ma, booboo!" Alex cried, slapping his hands on her cast, "Booboo!"

"That's right, little man," Rachel responded, scooping him up before he could smack Santana's cast any more, "But we can't be smacking Santana's booboo or it'll hurt her."

He reached for Santana, his little arms waving in the air as he strained away from his mother's hold and his little face twisted up like he wanted to cry, "Ma! Ma! Ma!"

Santana took the baby with a smile. He settled down quickly and clutched onto her chest. Santana smiled at Kayla and squeezed her hand. "I know I was, K. But I knew I'd come home soon and I didn't want you to get scared."

"Scared anyway," she whispered, letting go of Santana's arm to cling to the side of her chair. "Wanted you _home_."

Cale scooted around her outstretched leg and tried clambering up in her lap, "You in chair, Santa. Like Batman afta he fight Bane?"

Rachel chuckled, leaning down to kiss her girlfriend's cheek, "I do believe I warned you that they'd be all over you, didn't I, sweetheart?"

She nodded at Rachel to help hoist Cale up as she ran her fingers through the girl's hair. "I'm home now, baby girl." she smiled, "I'm sorry I scared you."

"Santa! Santa!" Cale cried, bouncing in her lap to get her attention once his mother helped him climb up to his new perch, "Santa! You and Mama fight _Bane_?" His blue-grey eyes were big, his entire expression one of awe as he held onto the arm she was holding Alex with.

"Your mama fought a bad guy, baby. She's my superhero!" Santana winked as she kissed the boy's head hoping for the best that he was careful of her leg. Alex was chewing on her shirt and she was holding Kayla's hand. Santana Lopez, despite everything, had never been happier.

"Mama fought _Bane_?" Cale's eyes actually seemed to get wider as he went still on Santana's lap, looking up at his mother like she'd done the most amazing thing ever.

Rachel was trying hard not to laugh. "Not quite Bane, sweetie," she leaned down and dropped a kiss on his head, "but he was definitely big. However," she smiled at Santana with warmth and caring before leaning in to kiss her softly on the lips - something she generally tried to avoid doing too often around the children, "I would do it again at any moment to protect this beautiful woman. Or," she added, ruffling her son's hair, "any of you three."

"I love you guys," Santana admitted, "I'm sorry I scared you. I'll try to never do it again."

"It's okay." Kayla murmured, letting her head rest against Santana's arm, "Home now."

Cale though took his mother kissing his favorite person as permission to kneel in Santana's lap and lean up over his brother, plant a little hand on either of Santana's cheeks and kiss her on the lips, "MWHA! Love you too, Santa!" He grinned cheekily as he dropped back to sit on her lap again.

Santana grimaced slightly with the jostling of her leg but she just kissed the boy back and wrapped get arm around him when he sat back down.

"Rae, can we just cuddle the kids all day?" she tilted her head knowing she still had to deal with court things and the company.

Rachel thought about the request for a moment, running the itinerary for the week through her mind and checking to make sure there wasn't anything they absolutely had to handle that day. "Hmm, provided you allow me to assist you into bed and do _not_ attempt to do it on your own _again_," she gave her lover a knowing smirk, well aware of her mile-long independent streak, "I don't believe we have anything we have to deal with until tomorrow at the soonest. Play your cards right and I might even be willing to consider allowing you all to eat in bed picnic style. Sound like a plan, sweetheart?"

Santana nodded. "That sounds," she looked up, "perfect. Or even on the couch and watch movies all day?"

"While on the couch may be more fun," Rachel smiled wryly, "I'm afraid your leg might become a bit too jostled. Perhaps we could watch movies on my laptop instead?"

Santana pouted and rested her head atop Alex's. "If we must."

"I called my dads," Rachel whispered in her ear, "and they're coming up to kidnap the little ones tomorrow for the weekend while we sort through the court affairs regarding Tobias. After we're done with the lawyers tomorrow, you can lay on the couch with me all you'd like. I promise not to jostle your leg too much."

She nodded. "Okay..." her arms tightened around the little ones on her lap. "I think that sounds okay." She smiled at the little girl. "Kayla gets to pick the movie, Cale gets to pick the snacks and Alex... Well he can just be chilling with me."

Kayla brightened, scurrying over to the entertainment center to pick a movie as her brother crowed "Popcorn!" and bounced in Santana's lap, his arms around her neck, hugging her and his brother. Rachel chuckled, pushing the trio towards the bedroom, "It sounds like you have a winning plan on your hands, Santana. No wonder you're such a successful business woman."

"Darn right," she smiled, helping Cale scurry onto the bed. She leaned forward letting Alex crawl into his brother's arms. "Baby?" she held out her hand and offered it to Rachel. She hated needing help but she knew she had to.

Rachel laughed, coming over to help her girlfriend up out of the chair after locking it in place. "I knew you needed me," she teased, wrapping her arms about the taller woman and helping her up. "But I love that I'm able to help you, love," she whispered in her ear as she got the other woman in the bed. As soon as Santana was situated in the middle of the bed, Cale burrowed into her side and Alex toddled over to try and climb up onto her chest.

"My gosh, Santana. It seems I can't leave you alone for five seconds without boys being all over you."

"I tolds you. Everyone loves me." she smirked, "just like school." she winked, wrapping an arm around Cale and, being careful of her ribs, she settled Alex on her chest And he burrowed into her neck. She mouthed 'I love you' to Rachel as she leaned forward to press a kiss to the girl's lips. "Did I tell you I need to go get some tests done tomorrow?"

Rachel paused in her fluffing of the pillows behind her girlfriend to kiss her back, "Mmhmm, I believe you may have mentioned something to that effect. You want me to accompany you to the hospital, correct?"

Before anyone could respond though, Kayla came running in with a much loved copy of The Little Mermaid held over her head. "This one! I wanna watch this movie, Santi!" She flopped against the side of the bed, plopping the DVD case down near Santana. "Can we?"

Santana smiled, "Totally, baby girl." She smiled as she held her hand out for Kayla. "Mama is gonna get the laptop and we can all snuggle in and watch." She smiled at Rachel, wanting nothing more than to hold her love in her arms.

Rachel smiled indulgently at her lover and leaned down to kiss her forehead and smooth her hand over her children's heads. "Of course, sweetheart. Just wait here a bit while I retrieve the _popcorn_," she dropped a kiss to Cale's head as the little boy cheered for his favorite snack, "and the laptop for the movie." She hugged Kayla, "The three of you be gentle with our Santana and give her lots of cuddles and hugs while I'm away, okay?"

"'Kay, Mama," Cale piped up, wrapping his arms as far as he could around Santana's waist and hugging her, "We give good hugs! Right, 'Lex?"

"Hugs! Ma!" Alex squealed, squirming into a new position on Santana's chest and burrowing into her as he tried his best to hug her around the neck.

"Not rough!" Kayla scolded as Rachel was walking out of the room, "Santi's _hurt_! Gentle like with Daddy, Caley!"

Santana felt guilty when Kayla mentioned Jesse. She felt bad that she had more or less taken his place in their lives. She felt bad that she had helped Rachel move on emotionally from her husband. But, then again, the family was happy and Rachel didn't cry every day anymore.

"It's okay, Kayla." Santana said softly, "I promise I'm okay."

"Not okay," Kayla's little voice was stern and more than a bit bossy, "You were in the _hospital_. You're _hurt_. Mama says when someone's hurt you gotta be _gentle_." The little girl nodded as she snuggled in beside Santana's good leg.

The injured woman rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright. Ms. Bossy-pants." She smiled and wrapped an arm around the little girl. Alex was laying flat on her chest, Cale had his head resting on the thigh of her good leg as he stretched out lengthwise and Kayla nestled into her good side too. Santana looked over her shoulder as she heard Rachel come back into the room. "Come join the pile of people when you are done." She smiled, patting the space behind her.

Rachel laughed as she set up the laptop, inserting the DVD and setting it to start running at the end of the bed where everyone could see before she came over and joined them. Handing Santana the bowl of popcorn, she kissed her softly before scooting in behind her and snuggling close. "Now, this feels right." She gently hugged the other woman, "You, me and our children just lying together and enjoying a movie and some quiet time in each other's company."

"I think you're right." Santana remarked as she rested into the warmth of the pile that had accumulated on top and next to her. She turned her head and pressed a gentle kiss to Rachel's head before just resting into the feeling of love that surrounded her as they watched the movie. Cale sang softly with the music and Alex drifted off before the movie was even half over.

* * *

><p>Santana was rolled into the room off the corner of the court room where she had just sat through Tobias's sentencing. He was going to jail. He was going to jail for at least 20 years. He has been advised to plead guilty because of the amount of evidence that he sent to Rachel and the plethora of videos and photos they found at his apartment.<p>

They found a stockpile of the drugs he had used to take liberties with his ex-wife's body and over a hundred DVDs containing video and photos of him raping Santana. The videos spanned from when she was 19 until the most recent video and photos he took on the night of Jesse's funeral. The videos depicted disgusting and cruel things, including violent sexual acts and several videos spanning the 6 months of Santana's pregnancy. The court got access to Santana's medical file, showing that the last video that showed him raping Santana while she was with child was taken only a few days before she went into labour for her stillborn daughter.

Santana felt broken. She knew it was his fault that she lost her child. That she lost a portion of her heart. Her face was vacant when he was taken away. He couldn't hurt her again, but that didn't make the last 10 years any better for her now that she _knew_ what happened.

The room she was in now was empty, but she had requested the Rachel be brought in. She needed her girlfriend, but she also needed the test results that the hospital had called in on the other woman's cellphone while she was in the court. She had Rachel take the call because she needed to see him be sentenced.

A few minutes later, Rachel slipped through the door with a quick whispered thank you to the man who'd escorted her there. Coming over to Santana and dropping to her knees beside her chair, she couldn't help beaming despite the way it made her face ache even through her painkillers. She reached out and grasped Santana's hands, smiling up at her with eyes bright. "You're clean, sweetheart, completely clean. And," she paused to give the moment proper dramatic build up, licking her lips slightly as she hoped the news she had was good, "you can have children, Santana."

"You'll need to use IVF, but considering we're together, I rather wouldn't appreciate a more traditional approach," her eyes searched her lover's as she tried to make a joke before softening and just smiling at her, "You can have a _baby_..."

Her face became more alive when those words fell out of Rachel's mouth. "W-what?" Santana stumbled over her words. "I thought... I couldn't." She was confused. She had never sought medical attention after the baby, but when she never got pregnant again after years of marriage and not using birth control she just assumed she couldn't.

She smiled hopefully and looked at Rachel. "I can have a baby someday?" she whispered, "You'd want to have a baby?" She wasn't sure. She more or less assumed that Rachel wouldn't want to have any more children - three was quite a lot - but they also were _Jesse's_ children.

"You _can_. And would I want...?" Rachel laughed, leaning up to place her hands on Santana's cheeks in unconscious imitation of her oldest son and kissed her, trying to convey just how much she loved her in that moment, "Santana Lopez, how could you even think for a moment that I wouldn't _love_ to be able to greet _your_ child when they came into this world?"

She stood so she could hug her lover, "I would be more than thrilled to do that, to help you raise them as you do me with Kayla, Cale and little Alex. When you're ready, I will be alongside of you every step of the way. Because I love you and you deserve to know how someone who loves you treats you when you're pregnant."

She pulled away, dropping back to her knees in front of the other woman, her hands back on hers, "Like you are the most amazing and precious thing on Earth. Because you _are_. To me at least..."

Santana nodded, "I want that." She smiled, her fingers lacing with Rachel's. "I... I want that. I want a baby, I wanna have little brother or sister for Kayla, Cale and Alex." she looked down at their hands.

"Then you'll have that." Rachel let her fingers stroke gently over Santana's hands, smiling softly, "You'll have that, Santana. A child of your own that you will always have that blood deep bond with that nothing can change or take away. I want that for you."

"Little caramel coloured babies." She leaned forward with a wince and kissed Rachel softly. "That just made my entire day better. Having to hear... and descriptions to the court about the videos... I'm so sorry you had to see them."

At the mention of the videos and photos, the young widow grimaced. "Don't worry about that, Santana. Nothing involved with this is your fault and you have nothing to be sorry or ashamed of. Not with me. The only one who has anything to be sorry for is that miserable bastard that hurt you so badly."

"He's going away. He's going away and staying there for a long time." she shrugged, "He can rot there and die for all I care. But do you... do you want that with me?" She whispered trying to put the thought of what she'd heard in the courtroom out of her mind, her words hesitant because, if she were to have a child, she'd want Rachel to be its mother as well. "want a baby... with me?"

Rachel smiled shyly, biting her lip. "Santana, if that's what you want - if you want to share your child with me - then yes." She squeezed her lover's hands gently, "I want to share my life with you. I'm not the sort of person to willfully hop from person to person, Santana. I love you. I'm staying. My children are staying. And if you want to have a child, then I would dearly love to be in that child's life."

Santana smiled and nodded, "Okay. In the future. I want a baby with you." When she was finished speaking, her lawyer came into the room with a unreadable expression.

"Marcus?" Santana asked, worried that in a sick twist of fate Tobias got away or something. "What happened?"

"I'm just." He spoke, "I think that... I wish I could give you this news under better circumstances." he moved to sit down at the desk that was in the in the front of the room. "Ma'am, you are the new owner of Avalon Records. You have all decision making power and you head up all the stocks. You also are the only beneficiary of Mr. Spencer's estate and since you did not have a prenuptial agreement you are entitled to everything, including his life insurance policy and the property in London, the home in Los Angles and his penthouse." he slid a folder of papers across the table for her to look at. "I'll I need to do is sign and everything is yours."

"Oh." Santana stated, she had some idea of the fortune that would come into her if Tobias were to be arrested and in breach of their divorce agreement.

Rachel was confused, standing slowly and looking between the woman and her lawyer. "I," she began, only to frown and shake her head, "I don't understand. Santana? What's going on?"

Santana looked at the files. "Evidently, I just became the owner of Avalon and really, really rich." She shrugged and looked at her girlfriend. "Tobias had house in LA, as well as the place we lived in when we lived in London."

She rolled her neck, looking back at the paper. "I just don't... I guess I'll have to sell the houses." she remarked causally.

"Okay," Rachel nodded, not arguing and letting one hand rest on Santana's shoulder as she stood beside her, "and Avalon? What do you want to do?"

She watched Santana as she waited for an answer, just knowing that the other woman was not feeling as casual about the situation as she was acting in front of Marcus. She also knew how important Avalon was to her and how hard she'd worked to make it a success. She wanted to encourage her to keep the company, but whatever she wanted to do, Rachel would stand by her.

"I don't wanna sell my company." Santana said quickly, "I'll hire someone to helm the business side, but I'm not selling it." She looked at Marcus then Rachel.

"Ms. Lopez," Marcus started, "It might be in your best interest to just bow out and live off the stocks. I know we got the court to not file in the public sphere the charges against Mr. Spencer, but you know how this is going to play in the media. You both are very public figures in the music world."

"The press only feeds off the story if we let them." Santana spoke, "My PR people are better than any other. They will handle it. No one but you, Rachel, myself and the judge know the full extent of his charges. I trust that I pay you enough not to tell anyone."

"Of course, Ms. Lopez." He replied quickly, "I'll leave you and Ms. St. James alone for a moment to talk while I go settle the papers and start the papers to sell the properties." With that he quickly scurried out of the room.

A loud exhalation of air puffed out of Santana's lips as she looked at the stack of papers in her hand.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked, gently rubbing the other woman's shoulder. "Do you need anything from me regarding Avalon? You know I'll help you in any way I can."

Santana looked over and shrugged, she was numb and the logical side of her brain kicked in quickly. "I'm... I need to sell the other houses... I need to call the board of the company and set up a meeting for tomorrow. Do you think you can call them?" Santana handed Rachel her phone. "They're all in there. I need there at the office for 9, tell them it's an emergency meeting."

"Santana," Rachel smiled softly, realizing that what was happening was very difficult for her and giving her that moment even as she slipped into work mode, "I'm your assistant, your right hand at the company, remember? I'll arrange everything. Tomorrow morning. Nine AM sharp. I'll even arrange for teleconferencing for the London contingency. You don't have to worry about that."

"Perhaps though you might consider selling certain of the property to the company. If the advance team could stay at a company owned property instead of a hotel, it could reduce costs." She quickly ran through Santana's schedule for anything coming up soon, "Also, do you want me to reschedule the meeting with Beyonce's people this week to a later date or shall I handle it on your behalf?"

"I think that we should blow off the meeting until next month. She's trying to get a label to sign one of her kids." Santana rolled her eyes and she looked through the papers. "We can keep the LA property, but I don't want the New York or London ones. They need to get sold." Santana said sternly.

She couldn't bare to even think about the home she lived in. She loved that house, she loved every piece of land that was attached to it. The lake that was in the back of the property, the horse stables where she learned how to ride, the simple beauty that was the home. She loved it, she became an adult there. She was heartbroken when they moved to New York, but the house had always there if she needed to get away.

All of that, every part of her past with him was a lie. Every moment in which she thought she was happy, was a lie.

"Thank you, Rachel." Santana said softly, "That would be really helpful if you can set that up. I need to tell them that Tobias is no longer in charge."

"Alright," Rachel nodded, pulling her notebook out of her purse and jotting down Santana's plans. "And she is not honestly thinking those children are ready for fame yet, is she? The oldest is what? Twelve? Yes, definitely put that off."

"And of course, Santana, you're absolutely right," she didn't want to argue, "Besides there is absolutely no reason to maintain the New York property as we are based here. And as for London," she hesitated slightly, "we have offices there so no need to maintain that property either."

"Yeah... We can get rid of it. Just call the auction and get rid of everything. I don't want it..." She signed one of the papers, "As for the New York property, the police are still investigating it." She sniffled, sighing the rest of the papers. "I just never wanna think about those places again."

"You don't have to," Rachel said, dropping her notepad on the table and leaning down to wrap her arms around the other woman. "This is your life now, Santana. You, me, the children. Your child when you're ready to have one. The past is just that, okay? Your _past_."

"You have a home and a family who loves you, Santana Lopez." Her voice was calm, but firm, "And if for some reason we need to go live in London for a time, then we can find a property _together_ to make _ours_. Okay?"

She nodded, resting her head on Rachel's shoulder. She just inhaled Rachel's scent and tried to calm down. She felt raw, just raw. She knew it would get out, she knew that the entertainment media was vicious and that words and talks would spread about Santana and Tobias, she knew that this wasn't the end, it was barely the beginning. "Okay."

"You know I won't leave you, right?" Rachel whispered near her ear, "That no matter what happens, you have your family to come home to. That _no one_, not Tobias, not _anyone_ can take us from you. You are no more alone now then I was when Jesse was dying. I'm here."

Santana looked up, she looked into Rachel's eyes and she nodded slowly. "I love you." Santana whispered, her fingers tracing the outline of the black and blue bruise on Rachel's face. "I love you more than anything in the world."

"Good," Rachel leaned in and kissed her softly, "Because I love you more than I'd ever believed I'd love anyone again after Jesse died. You saved me, Santana. I just want to return the favor."

Santana smiled, her hand moving down to tangle with Rachel's as she signed the last few pages of the documents in the file on her lap.


	29. Chapter 29: Alone

**Chapter 29**

Santana sat at her desk in the living room, typing away on her laptop. Alex had crawled into her lap and fallen asleep about 20 minutes earlier and Cale was leaning against her leg under the desk playing with his Batman action figures. It had been close to ten weeks since the attack and trial and Santana's leg was finally out of its plaster casting allowing her to begin physical therapy.

Avalon Records had changed some in the last few weeks and Santana was still on the hunt for a new head of business to partner with her in the company. She was good at development and artist relations stuff, but her background was not in the business side of the music industry. Unfortunately, the entertainment news had found out the truth behind Tobias Spencer's arrest and Santana's face had been splashed over the tabloids and the talk shows for the last three weeks. Anytime she went outside she was photographed and people yelled at her.

Luckily, the children had been left out of the equation. The house was secure enough that they were never photographed and the new laws made it illegal to photograph a child without the parent's consent. Rachel simply wasn't well known enough to be on the radar.

Santana was finishing reviewing applications from people wanting the open position, the boys more than content to just hang out with Santana while their mother went to pick up Kayla from a friend's. Jesse's parents were going to be in town and had offered to take the three children out and to spend some time with them for the rest of the weekend. For the first time in a while, they were getting the chance to be really alone without any injuries or horrible pasts to get in the way.

Rachel was just arriving back home with Kayla - walking since it was only a couple of blocks and the press hadn't seemed to have caught wind of her role in the Spencer Scandal as it was beginning to be called - when she spotted the familiar white SUV pulling up in front of their house. She smiled, giving Kayla's hand a squeeze and pointing at the SUV and the grey haired woman waving from the passenger window with a smile. "Sweetie, look who's here."

Kayla's eyes went big and she tugged on Rachel's hand but didn't let go. "Grandma and Grandpa!" She looked up at Rachel with a bright smile, "Can I go say hi, Mama?"

"Let's wait until they're parked and getting out, little star." Rachel answered, continuing to walk down the street towards their front stoop. "How do you feel about spending the weekend with them? Just you and your brothers?"

"All weekend? Like Ally's sleepover last month?" Kayla's eyes were big as she tried to grasp what was being said, "And when we stayed with Granddad and Granddaddy when Santi got hurt?" Her little brow furrowed with worry and she tugged on Rachel's hand, "Santi's okay?"

"Yes, sweetheart, Santana's fine and getting better every day, I promise. Grandma and Grandpa just had the weekend off and wanted to spend it out at the lake with their favorite grandkids." Rachel smiled, pausing to wave at Maria as she climbed out of the SUV with her husband's assistance, "So, yes, all weekend and you get to stay the whole time. Sound good?"

Kayla nodded, finally pulling away to race over and hug her grandparents. "Hi, Grandma! Hi, Grandpa! Mama says Lex and Caley and I can stay with you _all_ weekend!"

David chuckled, hugging her back. "That's right, Kayla. All weekend. Your grandma and I rented a cabin up by the lake for the weekend, so you remember how to swim right?"

"I'm a guppy!" He looked up at her mother in confusion.

Rachel laughed, heading up the stairs to unlock the front door, "She means at the Y. She's in the guppy group of her swim class."

"Oh, I see!" The big man chuckled as he lifted the little girl up in the air, following his wife and daughter-in-law inside. "That sounds very important, Kayla. You must be a very good swimmer then!"

"I am!" She nodded proudly, little arms wrapped around his neck.

"Santana? Boys?" Rachel called into the house as she dropped her keys in the basket on the hall table, "We're home and we have guests!"

Santana was still clicking away a her work. Alex was sitting on her lap, sucking his thumb and humming a song as Cale kept playing with his toys. She sang along softly as she typed pausing every once in awhile when Cale tugged at her leg or Alex said 'mommy' which was his new phrase to call Santana.

"Mama?" Cale exclaimed when he heard Rachel's voice. "Santa! Mama's home!" he beamed, bolting to the door.

Rachel barely managed to brace herself before Cale threw himself at her with an excited shout. "Mama! You're back!"

Laughing, she spun in a tight circle, holding him tight. "I was only down the street getting your sister, little man. Were you and your brother good for Santana while I was gone?"

He planted his hands on her shoulders and nodded with a bright smile. "We were good, Mama. I played with Batman inna Batcave an Lex sat in Santa's lap."

"Did you now?" She chuckled, setting him on his feet so he could see his grandparents coming in with Kayla, "Look who Kayla and I found."

"Gramma an Grampa are here!" He crowed, flinging himself at Maria. The older woman laughed, barely catching him.

As the grandparents talked with their grandchildren, Rachel headed into the living room to find the rest of her family. Stepping to Santana before she could get her cane and stand up, she leaned over and kissed her softly. "Hi, sweetheart. Maria and David are here to pick up the children for the weekend."

Santana smiled, leaning up and kissing Rachel softly before her in-laws could see them. She held Alex tightly as she did so.

"Mama! Mommy! Kiss!" Alex clapped as he tried to smoosh his face in with them. "Kiss! Kiss. Kiss!" he giggled as he puckered is lips and tried to kiss his mom. "Mama!" He pouted when Rachel didn't pull her lips from his mommy's. Santana pulled away and held Alex up to kiss Rachel.

"He's getting demanding and stealing my kisses." She smiled, before looking behind her and blushing. "Hi Mrs. and Mr. St. James." She helped Alex climb down and toddle over to his grandparents.

"Just like his father was at that age," Maria responded with a soft smile, handing Cale off to David - who had set Kayla down so she could pull her jacket and shoes off - and kneeling to catch her youngest - and last - grandchild as he toddled towards her laughing. "At times, I wondered if I'd ever get to kiss my _husband_ again." She laughed softly, standing and giving Alex a little bounce as he sloppily kissed her cheek, smiling across the room at Santana. "Hello again, Santana. Rachel told me you'd been injured when we spoke last. Your knee, I believe? Are you doing better now?"

She blushed and nodded to her still quiet black and blue looking knee. "Yep. 10 weeks and a surgery." she rolled her eyes at the thought of her knee still not being better. "But, it's getting there. Physical therapy and what not is helping. I'm quite happy to be able to walk freely again." She smiled, pulling her other leg up to her chest, resting her busted leg out straight still.

Rachel toyed with some of Santana's hair as she stayed standing beside her chair. "I'm certain she'll be good as new soon enough, Maria. She's quite the fighter and it's exceedingly difficult to keep her down. A trait I certainly hope she'll teach these little rascals."

"That's good. You need both legs to keep up with little boys and girls after all," David chuckled stealing Alex from his grandmother to give him a bear hug pop him up to perch on his shoulders, tiny hands fisting in curly brown hair.

"So, I hear you're taking them swimming?" Santana smiled, "I packed their bags. Cale has his Batman swim shorts and Alex has his water diapers... Kayla, I packed your purple bathing suit and kickboard." She had taken Kayla to physical therapy with her earlier in the week and picked her up a board when she loved it at the aquatic centre. "That okay, star?"

"Uh-huh," Kayla nodded at Santana as she came in after putting her things away. "Thank you, Santi."

She came over and hugged the woman, being careful of her knee. Before leaving though she bent over and very carefully kissed the bruised skin as she did every time she was close to the injured woman since she'd been hurt. "To make it better like Mama does when I get hurt" was the only explanation she ever gave. Cale wiggled until David put him down and ran over to give Santana her own hug.

"Tank you, Santa!" He still hadn't quite mastered the "th" sound yet, but he wasn't about to let his big sister show him up with his Santa.

Santana smiled at the little ones. "I love you guys and I'll see you on Monday." She ran her fingers through Kayla's hair. "Be good with Grandma and Grandpa okay? You're in charge of the boys for me." She hugged Cale and kissed his temple and let him scurry off. "I'll be okay soon. Though I do enjoy the child slave labour that I've been receiving as of late." Santana handed Rachel a ziplock bag of the children's insurance cards and other important things that they'd need just in case. "Have a good time, little ones."

Rachel lightly slapped the back of her head with a fondly scolding scowl, "Santana, do not treat the children as your personal slaves. They'll develop bad habits."

David had looked like he wanted to protest before Rachel commented, but after she did, he relaxed. It was fairly obvious that Rachel considered it a joke and she knew Santana better than he did. He took the bag, tucking it in his vest pocket. "Don't you worry, Santana. Maria and I will take good care of them and bring them back safe and tired Sunday night before we drive back to Lima."

"I'm sure they'll have an amazing time." Santana smiled, watching as they gathered the kids together and Rachel went to say goodbye. Once they were heading out to the car, Santana got up and made her way carefully over to the couch, stretching out and laying with her back flush against the backrest of the couch. She was tired and just wanted to rest for a bit before she and Rachel got back to whatever it was they needed to do that day.

When she came back in, Rachel smiled to find her girlfriend stretched out on the sofa. She leaned over the back to kiss her gently. "Hello, beautiful girl. I thought you might like to be aware that your schedule is free this weekend. Your assistant thought that perhaps you might need some time alone with the woman who loves you after everything that's been happening lately." She reached down and gently brushed her fingers through dark hair before coming around and sitting on the edge of the sofa. "How does that sound to you?"

"Amazing." Santana smiled, pulling Rachel to come and lay flush against her. "No kids... So this means we can just cuddle and watch movies and kiss without having babies interupt." She said as she put her hand on Rachel's stomach. "I think we should watch a movie." She whispered into Rachel's ear.

"You would," Rachel whispered back, turning her head to kiss her girlfriend, a hand coming up to tangle in black hair and pull her close as she deepened the kiss. "What should I put in?" She asked when she finally pulled away, breathing slightly heavier than before, her eyes dark and a warm smile curling the corner of her lips.

Santana's lips curled into a smile. Her fingers gently stroking the other woman's abs as she spoke. "Anything you want." she husked, her lips wrapping around Rachel's earlobe.

Rachel moaned softly, her eyes falling closed, nails gently scraping Santana's scalp as she let her head fall to the side to give her girlfriend better access to her skin. "And if I don't want to watch anything?" she whispered softly, "If I just want to stay here like this and enjoy your company?"

"I can work with that." Santana smiled, running her tongue over the shell of the woman's ear. Her hand stroked up and down Rachel's stomach, running against the smooth skin peeking out from underneath.

"Can you?" Rachel's voice was breathy as she tried to maintain focus, but Santana's warm hand and tongue against her skin was so very distracting. "What about your knee? I," she gasped her girlfriend nipped lightly on the edge of her ear, shuddering at the warm sensations Santana could send running through her so easily, "I don't want you to get hurt..."

"As long as I don't do anything crazy, I'm good," she whispered. She hadn't touched her girlfriend in so long and she didn't care about her leg at that point. "Wanna stay here? Or bedroom?" she whispered against Rachel's neck.

"Whatever," Rachel whimpered at the feeling of breath against the sensitive skin of her throat, having to swallow and focus her thoughts to answer her girlfriend's question, "whatever you want to do. Wherever," she gasped out, "you'd be most comfortable."

"I'm good here." Santana whispered, her hand slipping under the other woman's shirt to explore her stomach. She nipped and sucked down Rachel's throat.

Rachel groaned softly, her fingers tightening slightly in Santana's hair as her tender ministrations made her begin to feel like she was slowly burning up from the inside. "_Oh_," she breathed, "me too, but I'd be better," she grabbed Santana's wrist with her free hand, directing her under her shirt, needing the warmth of her hand directly on her skin, "like this."

Santana smirked, her lips sucking at Rachel's pulse. She slid her hand up to cup the woman's breast over her bra before sliding her shirt clear off and onto the floor. "I prefer this." she smirked. She moved carefully so she could press kisses to the smaller woman's sternum.

Rachel's head fell back against the couch as Santana moved above her, her eyes barely half open from the sensations rushing through her as she watched the woman moving carefully over her. "As do I," she whispered, concern muting the strident pleas of her body for more - more of Santana's touch, more of her kisses, just _more_ - as she struggled to keep control of herself, "but your knee... I don't want you hurt because of me."

"I won't." she promised, leaning down to kiss her soundly. She held herself up with her upper body strength and tried to not jostle her leg too much as she did so. She teased Rachel's lips with her teeth as she flicked the front clasp of her bra open.

Rachel moaned softly into the kiss, allowing Santana to persuade her as she felt the cotton of her bra sliding over her breasts as it fell away. The other woman's lightest touch made her tremble with want, with _need_. Sometimes it felt as if it was all she had ever known, this woman and her gentle caresses. She still remembered Jesse, still _loved_ him - but it was different now. He would _always_ be her husband, the father of her children, her first lover.

But Santana was her _future_.

"Santana," she breathed into the kiss, her hands stroking down her lover's back, tracing the lines of muscle through her shirt. She pulled away from the kiss for a moment to look up at the woman above her with a soft smile, "I love you."

She cupped her hands around the back of Santana's neck, drawing her closer as she deepened the kiss. Her tongue gently ran over full lips, teeth lightly nipping at the bottom lip and tugging slightly. Asking permission with gentle flicks of the tip of her tongue at kiss-swollen lips. She didn't want to hurt her or be forceful, but she wanted to show her that she wanted _her_. That she was ready if Santana was.

That she was finally ready to give herself to her completely if she wanted to take her.

"I love you too." Santana whispered, her lips parting to kiss Rachel deeply. She whimpered and arched her hips into the other woman's, strangling a groan when Rachel nipped her lip. "You feel so good," Santana spoke, her lips moving down her neck and over her chest to close around one of Rachel's nipples.

Rachel let out a strangled groan, her hands flashing up to tangle in Santana's hair, arching up against her. "Oh God, _please_," she ground out, nearly driven breathless by the tongue flicking over her sensitive nipples. "Santana, _please_..."

She didn't know how to ask for what she wanted. Wasn't entirely _certain_ exactly _what_ she wanted. She would have known if it was Jesse touching her, but she'd never been with a woman before and she'd felt too shy to ask and far too embarrassed with children around to utilize Google. She wanted Santana. She wanted to be hers. Wanted the other woman to be _hers_. But she didn't want to push somewhere Santana wasn't ready to go with her and most certainly didn't want to risk damaging their relationship.

Santana looked up as she sucked on tightened peaks, her eyes reading Rachel's. She pulled away and kissed over her heart. "Bedroom," she stated, carefully standing up and waiting for Rachel to do so. "I want to be in our bed," Santana whispered against Rachel's lips once she was standing.

The young mother wasn't certain she was reading Santana's eyes right, but the fire burning in the pit of her stomach certainly hoped she was. She nodded, wrapping an arm around her lover's waist to help support her in lieu of her cane as they made their way to their room. Santana was right. If tonight was going to be the night they gave themselves to each other for the first time, it was only right that it happened in their bed and not on the couch.

She eased the door to their room open, distracting herself by kissing Santana's neck as they stumbled towards the bed. She was laughing softly as her fingers worked the buttons of her lover's shirt, popping them open one by one, revealing more and more soft, tanned skin. Rachel tripped on the edge of the bed, falling back onto it and nearly kicking Santana's leg.

Instantly, concern flowed over her features, muting but certainly not removing the intense longing hiding in her eyes as she propped herself up on her arms, unconsciously exposing herself to Santana's gaze as she looked at her leg, "Oh my gosh, Santana, are you alright? I didn't hurt you did I?"

"I'm fine, baby," Santana said, "but you might have to be on top again this time." She slid out of her top and pushed down her shorts before pulling down Rachel's as well. Santana carefully got on the bed and kissed Rachel gently.

Rachel smiled softly, reaching over to caress the woman's cheek. "If it's okay with you - having me touch you like that, I mean - then okay." She looked hesitant and uncertain but smiled shyly, "I've never done this with a woman, but it can't be too difficult, right? Just... stop me if I hurt you or upset you in any way, please." She leaned in and kissed her softly, moving so she was straddling the taller woman's waist in just her panties - her bra having been abandoned on the sofa - fingertips gently brushing over soft skin, "I don't ever want to do anything to hurt you. I love you far too much."

Santana's fingers traced the curve of Rachel's hips as she spoke. "I love you. I want you." she said pushing herself up to kiss Rachel slowly. "We'll be amazing, together."

Rachel didn't speak, just leaned in to kiss her again, reaching behind her to undo the clasps to her bra, carefully pulling it off of her lover's body and letting it fall to the floor as she broke the kiss. Her eyes roamed over tanned skin, following her fingers as they gently trace her curves. Feather-light brushes mapping the body of this amazing woman who had slowly - without even trying it sometimes seemed - managed to teach her to love again.

"So beautiful," she whispered, shifting her body to place soft, hesitant kisses where her fingers had ran moments before. Her movements were gentle, almost reverent. Even the way she touched the other woman spoke of how much she loved her, how grateful she was to have her in her life.

Santana moaned, her body trembled slightly as she moved to run her fingers through Rachel's hair. "You make me beautiful," she whispered.

Rachel smiled against Santana's skin, pressing a soft kiss to the point of her collarbone, "You're beautiful without me, Santana. All I can do is help you see yourself the way I see you. And to me," she carefully swirled her tongue around a nipple, sucking softly before continuing, "you are the most beautiful person I have ever known. You deserve tenderness," she kissed her way across the valley between Santana's breasts to tease her other stiff peak, "caring," she took the dusky nub between her lips, sucking softly as she flicked her tongue over its tip before releasing with a soft pop, "and love."

"And I," she kissed down her abdomen, pausing to nip gently at her navel before pressing a single kiss at the waistband of her panties, looking up at the woman she loved, trying to let her see how deeply she cared in her eyes, "intend to give you all of that if you'll allow me, Santana."

Santana gulped, it had been a really long time. Even when she and Rachel got somewhat intimate prior to her getting hurt Santana was still fully clothed. Santana reached down and held her hand.

Rachel squeezed her hand gently - she'd not been with anyone since well before her husband died, not fully - Santana had come the closest. She pressed a series of gentle kisses along Santana's abdomen, not pushing, not rushing. "If you want me to stop," she whispered against smooth, tanned skin, "simply say so. I'm not _him_, Santana. I love you and you are the one in control here. I will do whatever you say, whatever you ask of me."

"I want you." she trembled, her arousal becoming obvious through her red panties. "I love you, please." she gasped, her hips arching slightly. "I trust you."

The words alone were nearly enough to draw tears from her eyes - as it were, the surge of feelings curled into the pit of her stomach, joining the almost painful pressure of arousal soaking her panties and slicking her thighs. "Alright," she whispered softly, "but still... stop me if I do _anything_ you dislike, love."

With trembling fingers, she carefully hooked into the sides of Santana's panties, sliding her hands down to cup and caress her ass so she could help lift her to avoid undue strain being put on her healing knee. She drew the damp red silk down over muscular thighs, easing carefully around her knees and down over her calves, finally pulling them off over her feet and letting the garment drop to the floor by the bed. Beginning at her feet, she slowly and methodically made her way back up, gently spreading her legs as she brushed soft kisses and gentle touches along her path, soothing trembling muscles and laving gentle care over bruised flesh.

Santana let out soft whimpers, her body breaking out into goosebumps as Rachel kissed her marred flesh. "Rae." she moaned her hips moving to find friction.

At the call, Rachel moved to settle herself between Santana's legs, looking over her body - now completely nude and exposed to Rachel's eyes - and just breathing that amazing - and somehow _powerful_ in its effect on her - scent that was uniquely Santana Lopez. Her heart raced as she looked at the neatly groomed core of her lover - partially from arousal, but also from nervousness as she wanted nothing more than to do this right, to bring her pleasure. To show her what love _was_ instead of that horrible parody her ex-husband had forced upon her.

"So beautiful," she whispered, placing a gentle kiss on the top of the mound.

Her fingers traced over warm, wet folds, occasionally dipping inside as she explored her lover's body. She found the hard nub of Santana's clit, rubbing it with short circles for a moment before sliding down to dip the first knuckle of her finger into Santana's core. She pulled her hand from Santana, fingers slick and glistening with the essence coating them. Raising it to her face curiously, she breathed deep of the heady scent, "You smell delicious, Santana."

Her tongue darted out, stroking some of the essence from her hand. Smiling at the taste, she took her fingers into her mouth, sucking them clean with a low groan as the wet heat between her legs became an insistent throbbing at the taste. "Tastes amazing."

"Fuck," Santana moaned, her head falling back against the bed, "d-don't tease." she stuttered out. She hadn't been touched in over a year and her body was almost humming with pleasure that she couldn't hold back. She knew she wouldn't last long.

"I don't intend to tease you, love," Rachel murmured, settling back between her legs and licking her lips almost unconsciously as she carefully parted her lover's folds, exposing her innermost core to her gaze.

She leaned forwards - having some vague idea that Santana might enjoy it if she licked her clit from her experiences with Jesse - and ran her tongue over her starting at the very bottom of her core, the tip of her tongue just teasing the delicate flesh just below her entrance and rising to the top, flicking her clit with the tip of her tongue at the end. She repeated the action. Once. Twice.

On the third time, instead of flicking the clit, she took it between her lips and sucked almost hard as her free hand came up to tease with gentle caresses around her entrance. She gazed up along her lover's trembling body with quiet eyes that spoke of love and asked for silent permission to become a part of her. To enter her body and touch her with the gentleness and love that was all she should have known in her life.

"Please!" She whimpered, so close to something amazing but too far to find it. She tangled her hand in Rachel's hair and wrapped her good leg around her body. "God," she murmured her body rocking into Rachel's mouth.

Rachel didn't need further encouragement. As soon as the whimper had hit her ears, she'd slid inside of Santana, two fingers carefully sliding along her walls to find that special place she knew existed because she'd found it on herself. She nearly sobbed at the feeling of being surrounded by her lover, at the warm intimate embrace of her body clutching at her fingers. Suddenly she felt she understood Jesse in a way she never could have before, as if she finally had some understanding of what he must have felt when they'd made love.

She stroked in and out, slowly building in speed and rhythm, trying to keep a steady pace as her own body trembled with her unsated arousal. After a short time, she discovered it was difficult to breathe from the position she was in, so she moved from sucking upon her lover's clit as she pumped her fingers in her core to licking it, flicking her tongue over and over the stiff nub as close to the pace she was setting as she could.

Santana moaned lowly, her body contorting to meet Rachel's thrusts, being careful to not pull Rachel's hair too hard.

Rachel twisted her wrist, the angle helping her find the spot she wanted and press her palm against her clit as she slid up her lover's body. When she reached her breasts, she paused to suckle at a nipple, lightly scraping her teeth over the taut bud before moving up higher, still pumping in and out of Santana's core. She nipped, licked and kissed her way up to Santana's ear, whispering "I love you," as she curled her fingers to rub the woman's g-spot quickly and firmly, the heel of her palm rubbing into her clit as she caught Santana's lips in a passionate kiss.

When Rachel kissed her, Santana fell over the edge in a loud gasp, a violent shudder and a explosion of wetness to cover Rachel's fingers. She continued to shiver for moments after the orgasm, her body not ready to give up the sensations that Rachel was causing in her.

Rachel continued moving through the shuddering aftershock, wrapping her free arm around Santana to hold her as her climax overtook her. She placed gentle kisses all along her neck as she shuttered beneath her. "I love you, Santana Lopez," she whispered as she held her, her body screaming at her, the throbbing between her legs an almost painful ache, but she ignored all of that in favor of holding the woman she loved as she came down from her orgasm.

"Fuck." Santana mumbled when she gained her faculties back. She pressed her forehead against Rachel's with a tired smile. "I love you." She whispered, her lips brushing against Rachel's.

Rachel smiled into the soft kiss, even as her body was wracked with micro-tremors as she tried to suppress her need. She didn't want Santana to strain her leg or risk further injury to the knee, telling herself over and over that they had the rest of their lives for Santana to know her in that fashion. But she couldn't help the soft whimper that escaped her throat, or the hot wetness soaking through her panties and slicking her inner thighs and the thigh of Santana's good leg which she was straddling. She buried her face in her lover's shoulder and tried to get control of herself while every breath seemed to brush her breasts and sensitive nipples against Santana's skin and send sharp jolts of arousal through her.

Santana caressed Rachel's face for a moment because she couldn't figure out why she looked like she was in pain. Then it clicked, she smirked, her hand moving to cup Rachel's ass and work to slide down her panties.

"Baby," Santana smiled, pressing a kiss to the corner of Rachel's mouth. "I need you to do something for me." She stated, her hand pushing Rachel's panties down as far as she could.

"W-what?" Rachel's voice trembled with desire, her body reacting to Santana's touch, making her whimper and moan softly.

"I need you to take off your panties and straddle my face." She said simply, "I can't get on my knees to eat you like I want to, so you're gonna have to help me." She ran her finger tips up Rachel's thigh and through soaking folds. She stroked for a minute before taking her fingers away and sucking them into her mouth, letting her tongue wrap around her fingers to lick off Rachel's essance. "Fuck that's good." She moaned.

Rachel couldn't help the dark blush flooding her cheeks at her lover's frank words. "Y-you want me to _w-what_?" She could barely imagine what was being asked of her. As adventurous as her sex life with Jesse could be, what Santana wanted to do simply wasn't a part of it. "I," she chewed on her lower lip, breath shaky with arousal and apprehension, "I don't... I don't understand?"

She continued blushing darkly as she carefully moved off of Santana, rolling to lay on her back beside her as she carefully wiggled out of her soaked panties trying not to jar Santana's injured leg. She didn't quite understand what Santana wanted her to do, but she did know that she _needed_ her. Her kisses. Her touch. _Something_ to help relieve the trembling ache between her legs.

"So sexy." Santana exclaimed as she reached out and took Rachel's hand. "I want to lick you. To drink your cum when you orgasm. I want to fuck you and make love to you at the same time." She said, stroking Rachel's cheek. "Get on your knees." She stated, her hands migrating to Rachel's ass when she moved her self onto her upper stomach. "I can't bend my knee yet, which means I need you to help me." She helped her migrate north. "I want you to put your pussy on my mouth." She stated and licked her lips. "Just hold onto the headboard and I got the rest."

Rachel was still blushing furiously as she carefully moved to straddle Santana's shoulders, her hands resting lightly on the top of the headboard. "Are," she licked her lips, looking down between her breasts at her lover with some lingering trepidation, "are you sure?"

Santana was too distracted by the fact Rachel was literally _dripping_ on her lips to respond. She just leaned up and stroked her tongue across the smooth flesh. Santana groaned and started gently sucking at the woman's folds. She licked and lapped up all the excess wetness before even moving to touch Rachel's clit. She straightened out her tongue, and circled her lover's clit before pulling it between her lips and beating it with her tongue.

Rachel cried out, her back bowing at the sensations jolting through her body from Santana's lips and tongue. Her hands tightened to white-knuckled grips on the top of the headboard, her arms tense as she fought to stay upright. Her hips jerked, bucking into Santana's mouth.

"S-San_tana_!" She cried out, her voice hoarse with strain, "S-so... So _close_!"

Santana moaned into Rachel's core, sliding her tongue down and sliding it into Rachel's tight passage. She curled her tongue and stretched it to hit Rachel's g-spot, as she flicked against it as many times as she could before Rachel's muscles started to spasm against her tongue and make it almost impossible to move. She reached her arm up and rolled Rachel's left nipple between her fingers and kept her hand on the woman riding her face's ass as she rocked against her mouth.

Rachel cried out again, her entire body stiffening as her muscles tensed. Her head dropped forward, her body trying to curl in on itself as the climax washed over her. She jerked against Santana's face, sobbing through the shuddering sensation of her orgasm at her lover's hands. Hot liquid pouring from her to coat her lover's lips and tongue.

"Santana," she sobbed the name over and over in shuddery gasps as she struggled for breath, "Oh God... I love you, I love you..."

Santana groaned, her tongue not relenting until she felt Rachel's muscles calm down. She slid out her tongue and licked Rachel clean and moaned softly as she left little licks against the woman's swollen flesh. When Rachel finally rolled off her face and onto the mattress next to her, Santana licked her lips and used her fingers to clean off her mouth to make sure she didn't miss any of her girlfriend's cream.

"I love you too, baby." Santana smiled, looking over at Rachel trying to catch her breath.

Rachel had barely caught her breath before she rolled over to press against Santana, her arm tucked tightly about her lover's abdomen just under her breasts. "Can we just stay like this tonight?" she whispered softly, tracing tiny patterns on Santana's ribcage as she spoke, "I don't want to move. I just want to stay here, with you, forever right now. Can we?"

"Yeah, baby." Santana smiled, kissing Rachel's head. "We can stay like this forever."


	30. Chapter 30: the new

A/N: this is not the end of the story, just this part. thanks!

**Chapter 30**

The last couple of years since the trial had been hellish at times. The tabloids hadn't wanted to rest, digging into Santana over and over, fed little bits and pieces from Tobias's prison cell over time to keep them interested. He may have lost his freedom, but he was far from uninterested in letting their lives continue uninterrupted.

Right up until Marcus's in-house investigator had managed to track down the source of the information the tabloids kept being fed. A handful of charges pressed later and Tobias Spencer found himself with an additional five years added to his sentence and a complete lock down on communications with anyone except his defense lawyer. But the damage had been done. Santana Lopez, Owner and COO of Avalon Records, was on their radar.

It had been extremely stressful for the little family. Santana and Rachel had had some of their biggest fights regarding things that the tabloids had printed. The children had resented the restrictions of only being able to go out with their mother, unaccompanied by Santana and not being allowed to even play in the backyard with her when things were at their worst. But they had managed to weather the storms and come out with their familial bonds a bit strained, but still intact.

And, better yet, with months of no news on the Santana Lopez front, things had seemingly died down. There had been far fewer paparazzi spotted around their home and the office lately, dying down to none being seen in almost a month. It was enough to make the women feel hope that they could have a family outing as a _whole_ family for once.

It was a beautiful late spring day when Ajay dropped them off at Liberty State Park with their collection of kites and Frisbees for a fun day of just spending time together and being a _family_. Rachel crouched in front of Kayla, helping her with her kite before glancing over at where Santana was somehow managing to wrangle both boys into helping her untangle the mess that had been the tails of their kites with a smile. She couldn't believe how much she loved the woman sometimes or how lucky she was to have her in her life.

She finished tying off the final knot attaching the lead to the spool of string carefully held in her daughter's hands and smiled up at her. "There we are, little star. Let me go help Santana with your brothers and we'll get you flying, okay?"

"Okay, Mama," Kayla nodded, "Can I help too?"

"Sure, sweetheart. Why don't you help Cale get his tail untangled?" The little girl nodded and scurried over to help as Rachel walked over with a soft chuckle at the frustration beginning to show on her lover's face as she fought with the slick Mylar material of Alex's kite. "And _that_, love, is why it's worth taking the time to properly roll the tails up." She leaned down and kissed the corner of her jaw, "Would you care for some assistance?"

Santana pouted and nodded. "Please," she handed her the kite and wrapped her arms around the woman she had loved for the last three years as she sat beside her to untangle the kite.

"This feels nice," she remarked, "I forgot what normal felt like..."

"Sometimes, I think I almost did too," Rachel murmured, letting her head rest on Santana's shoulder as she carefully undid the knots that had significantly shortened the tail of the kite. "But we got through it, the same as we always have and always will. Because we're stronger than our problems. And," she turned her head to kiss her softly, "I have you and the children on my side at the end of the day. Everything else doesn't seem as important as long as that's true." She managed to get the last knot undone. "There. I think that does it."

"True," Santana smiled, "even at the worst you still came into my bed each night and I woke up to you each morning." she stated. Alex got up and moved to hold Santana's pant leg and stare off at something over the hill they were on.

"Whacha looking at, shorty?" Santana asked, running her fingers against his freshly shaved head.

"Of course I did. I love you." Rachel smirked, kissing her cheek, "I still can't believe you took him to get his head shaved. He looks like he's trying to be a miniature Noah now." She looked over to try and see what her youngest son was looking at.

"There's a man," he piped, pointing, "He watching us." He looked up at Santana hopefully, "Fly kites with us?"

"Cale's hair is long and Alex said it was too itchy," she shrugged. "He looks cute." Santana turned to look only to see the back of a guy as he was getting into his car.

"You wanna fly that thing?" She smiled at the boy, "You ready to run really fast?" Alex nodded, and beamed a toothy grin. "Caleb, Kayla, wanna get this started?"

"Yeah!" Cale cheered, jumping up and down with the Batman kite his big sister had just managed to finish untangling. "Mine's gonna fly the _highest_!"

"Don't be silly," she admonished, getting up and dusting off her pants, "I have more string than you, so _mine_ will." She held up the brightly colored rainbow delta kite she'd gotten for her birthday with a proud grin.

"Then... then," he pouted for a moment thinking, "Batman's gonna be _fastest_!"

Kayla considered for a moment, then nodded, "Okay. But don't run into my kite!"

Rachel laughed, climbing to her feet. "Sounds like a minor skirmish may be beginning on your watch, Santana." She held a hand out to help her lover to her feet, "Alright then, everyone, how shall we handle this grand kite flying event?"

Santana took it and kissed Rachel quickly when upright. "Alright, K goes first. Then Batman and Superman," she remarked pointing to the boys' kites.

"Ready?" She called, Kayla getting set to run. "Go!" she exclaimed. Kayla took off her kite flying high into the air as she got to a faster run.

"Oh god, she's going to fall." Rachel grimaced at her daughter's pell-mell pace down the hill, her kite biting into the air and swooping higher and higher behind her. "I can't look!" She buried her face in Santana's shoulder.

The boys just laughed. Their mother always reacted the same way when they went to fly their kites. Cale held up his kite towards Santana, "Kiss Batman for luck, Santa!"

Alex's eyes went wide at the idea and he held up his Superman kite, bouncing up and down. "Kiss Sup'man, Mommy!"

Santana smiled and kissed both kites. "Start running, boys," she called, wrapping her arms around Rachel and nuzzled her neck.

"They're good. They're older and they're okay." She smiled, "Besides, we're on grass and if they fall, they fall."

Rachel made a soft sound of contentment, smiling against her lover's neck and feeling safe and secure in her embrace. "Okay, I believe you, but I still can't watch. Just tell me when they stop racing to break their necks."

Santana shook her head and held her as the kids finally got their kites going. She watched as they bickered and joked with each other. "Rae?" Santana whispered, "I think I wanna have a baby." She had been thinking about it lately, but she and Rachel hadn't talked about it since the trial.

Rachel pulled away enough that she could look into her lover's eyes, searching them as if they could tell her that Santana wasn't just talking. "Really?" she asked, her voice barely more than a soft whisper.

She bit her lip, afraid to be excited or happy if Santana was only talking about it. Rachel loved children, especially babies, and there weren't any she'd call more precious than the ones resulting from her union with Jesse, but to see a child born from _Santana_? Just the thought was enough to make her smile like a fool and take her breath away.

"Really?" she whispered again, the traces of her desire to be excited for her best friend and lover seeming around the edges of her control.

"Yeah," she smiled, "the kids are older... Everyone goes to school. The company is in a good place finally... I'm 33. I want to do it before I can't. We're finally okay again and I love you.." she kissed Rachel's nose. "I want a baby."

Rachel wasn't entirely certain if her heart had stopped or if that was just the world. For a second everything seemed frozen and then she just reached up, and pulled Santana down into a long slow kiss. She didn't break away until she heard the children yelling for the two women to look at them. Turning enough so she could see them, she let her head rest on Santana's shoulder and waved at them.

"I love the idea, Santana. If you're ready," she leaned up and kissed the corner of her jaw, snuggling into the taller woman's embrace as they stood on top of the hill, "then I am. I would _love_ to meet your child, sweetheart."

"_Our_." Santana stated, holding her close. "Our child. Together," she reminded her, "like how I am to Alex... You're gonna be the baby's mom. No matter what."

Rachel smiled up at her. "Well, yes. But they'll still be _your_ child in the most important way," she gently ran her hand over Santana's abdomen in a gentle circle before sliding it up to rest over her lover's heart, "nine months under your heart, love. Listening to it beat. That's an important bond that should not be diminished."

Santana got butterflies when Rachel spoke. "I love you," she smiled, "I want this. I want this for us..." she looked at the kids. "for them."

"For them?" Rachel raised a curious brow, watching the children play, straightening as she saw the youngest shoving his brother, "Alex, we don't push people!"

"Cale say I slow, Mama!" He yelled back, his pout visible from the top of the hill.

"That doesn't matter! We don't push people!" Rachel called back, "Don't make me come down there, young man!"

Santana giggled, "You're sexy when you use that tone." she smirked as she pulled away and headed down to the little one trying to climb the hill but getting too tired and flopping down.

"Mommy!" he yelled, "Can't do it!" Alex pouted until Santana went over and started ticking him. "No!" He shrieked, trying to squirm away but laughing too hard to make an effective escape, "No tickles!"

Rachel laughed, heading down the hill to where the other two were and ruffling Santana's hair as she passed, "That's what you get when you push people, little man. Cale, how did you end up flying two kites?" she asked her eldest son as she wrapper her arms around his waist, picking him up from where he was starting to stumble forward, pulled by the two kites.

"ﾑLex's kite was gonna escape, Mama." He was covered in bits of grass and somehow had a smudge of dirt on his nose, "But I caught it!"

"So you did. Can I fly it?" Rachel asked, setting him down and holding her hand out with a smile.

"Uh-huh," he nodded, handing over the bright red handle. For a moment he just stood with her, occasionally tugging on his string and sending his kite looping around before glancing over to see if Santana was watching. His little face scrunched up with worry as he saw her rolling around and laughing with Alex until he finally hit on an idea. "Think Santa would fly Batman so I can play Frisbee with ﾑLex?"

"Maybe, sweetie, why don't you go ask her?" Rachel smiled at her boy as he nodded, pressing the blue handle of his kite into her hand before taking off across the grass to pounce on Santana and Alex.

Kayla sniffed, "Boys." If her eyes strayed to where the other three members of their family were playing, she did her best not to show it and make it seem like all of her attention was on her kite.

Rachel laughed, stepping close and nudging her eldest with her hip, "They're not so bad."

"Yes, they are. They're big and clumsy. _And_ they smell." Kayla frowned up at her kite. "I like girls better."

"Do you?" Rachel carefully sat on the ground next to her daughter, doing her best to keep the two kites in her charge in the sky and untangled.

"Yes," the little girl nodded firmly, "girls are much better than boys. That's why you love Santi, right?"

"I don't know if I'd say girls are _better_ than boys, sweetheart." Rachel softly smiled up at her daughter, "But Santana is very special and I do love her a lot. Just as much as I loved your Daddy."

For a second, the little girl looked nervous, "But not more, right?"

Rachel shook her head, "Never _more_. They're both very _very_ important to me in different ways and I will always, _always_ love your Daddy, sweetheart."

Kayla chewed on her lip for a bit thinking about it, "Okay. Can I like girls like Santi likes you and you like Santi?"

"If that's how you feel when you're older, then that is perfectly okay with me." She gently nudged her daughter's side with her shoulder, "Because you're perfect the way you are to me, sweetheart. And Santana too. We'd never judge you because of who you love or what you like, okay?"

Kayla nodded. "Okay, Mama."

Over in the little pile of boys and Santana, Cale finally managed to get the upper hand, perching on Santana's stomach with a big cheeky grin. "Santa, want to fly Batman? I want to play Frisbee with ﾑLex."

"Yes, and be careful, baby." She got up and headed over to her girls. "Hola, chicas," she smiled sitting down next to Kayla. "I was told to fly Batman," she held out her hand to accept the kite.

Rachel started to hand Santana the blue handle when Kayla yelped and suddenly danced backwards, "Don't tangle me!"

"Sorry, little star, I'll be more careful next time," Rachel offered apologetically, completing the hand-off once the girl had moved her kite up and out of the way. "Did you know that our little girl was wondering if she could like girls like we like each other?"

Santana blanched, suddenly starting to think about forbidding her from dating anyone. "um... Yeah?" she stumbled, "I mean that's cool. Girls are cool." she was less than eloquent, mostly because she had flashbacks of being 10 and Brittany teaching her how to kiss.

"You still can't date til you are married..."

Rachel laughed, reaching over to shove Santana's shoulder playfully, "You goof, she also just got finished telling me that boys are big and clumsy. Oh yes, and they smell. I highly doubt she's going to start dating anyone right now and she'd certainly need to date _before_ she's married unless you plan on _arranging_ it?" Her amusement faded and she looked almost wistful, "She was just wondering if it was okay because of us. I wonder if someone has been telling her it's wrong?"

"I'll kick their ass," Santana said simply, "you can love whomever you want someday. Ain't nothing wrong with loving ladies or dudes." Santana stated, "some people hate, but they're stupid and you're better then them."

Kayla blanched, "Ew! No! People in love kiss like you and Mama, Santi! I don't love anyone!"

Rachel just covered her face with her free hand, trying to hide the smirk threatening to show at her daughter's reaction, "Santana, I don't think she's _quite_ ready for the birds and the bees just yet. And," she straightened, giving Santana a firm look, "we will most definitely _not_ be _kicking anyone's ass_. You know how I feel about violence."

"Fine." she stated as she continued to fly her kite. "I'm glad though that's a convo I'd like to prevent for awhile..."

"I bet." Rachel snorted, keeping an eye on the boys playing behind them as they continued to fly the kites. After a moment, she leaned over and rested her head on Santana's shoulder, "I'm sorry I snapped at you," she whispered, "I'm just terribly afraid they'll think it's okay and try fighting someone bigger than them and get hurt. It scares me almost as much as it does if you were in that position.

"They're smart boys. Caleb wouldn't hurt a spider or a fly." she smiled, "Alex? Alex is three. He wouldn't push anyone but Cale. Don't worry, baby." she leaned over and kissed Rachel.

"Ew. You're kissing? Again?" Kayla scoffed, flipping her long brown hair over her shoulder. "Mama, why do you always do that?" she asked, cocking her head to the side. "Before we couldn't even come to the park with Santi."

"Because I love her and ever since your daddy died, she's made me happy and wanting to smile again," Rachel laughed, looking back over her shoulder at Kayla with a wink before leaning in to kiss Santana again, "Someday, little star," she finally added, giving her girlfriend a loving smile, "you will not only understand but find someone you enjoy kissing just as much."

"Ew, yuck, no way!" The eight year old made a disgusted face at the very thought.

Santana laughed softly and rested her head on Rachel's shoulder. "You love us." She added in, "You love us so much and you like that we kiss and hug."

Kayla shook her head with a slight smile, "Nuh uh." She quipped.

"Yeah huh." Santana replied and reached over to poke her hand. "You excited for the gymnastics competition, mija?" She asked.

Kayla had been in gymnastics since she was 6. She was good and her gym had just started doing competitions. Santana and Rachel had dragged the boys to as many events as they could, but during the last two years Santana's ability to go out with the family had gone down severely so she was very happy she could finally go again.

"You're saving me and mom a seat, right?"

"You're coming?" Kayla's eyes got big and she almost dropped her kite, "You're really coming?"

As much as she occasionally tried to deny she liked the other woman, the little girl always looked for her in the stands at her meets. Ever since Gabe had mailed her a set of DVDs of Santana as a little girl performing at various competitions, she'd looked up to the other woman - though she'd never admit it. Santana's critiques and help on learning some of the trickier moves had made her a real competitor. And when Santana wasn't in the stands, she felt far more nervous competing.

"Totally, baby girl." She smiled, "I can now because the newspapers are stopping being jerks to me." She was sad she had to miss all the other meets and wanted to make it up to the girl. "Plus, it's the big one! I gotta come cheer you on!"

Alex toddled over to the girls and plopped down on his sister's lap tiredly, "Mommy? Mama? Go home?" He yawned.

"Of course, sweetheart. Are you tired?" Rachel leaned down to kiss the top of his head as she started reeling the little boy's kite in. "Cale, honey, come over and help Santana get your kite down, okay?"

Alex nodded and snuggled into his big sister as his mom pulled in the kite. Cale trudged over and helped Santana wrap the string carefully around the reel. He helped pick up the blanket and tried to lift the picnic basket, which was too heavy for him.

"I got it," Santana smiled and hoisted the basket into her hands and helped Kayla get up. Alex held onto Kayla's hand and followed behind the family as they headed over to the car.

* * *

><p>They'd thought it was over. That the paparazzi had decided to leave them alone. It had been quiet. Almost peaceful.<p>

Then soon after they'd spent the day at Liberty State Park, Santana had come out of the house in the morning to see a tall, lean man in a long coat, silver and black camera around his neck as he smoked. When he realized she'd noticed him, he smiled slowly and stubbed out his cigarette. Raising his camera, he snapped the shot of her heading down the stairs of the brownstone towards the car waiting at the curb.

"Mrs Spencer, ya got any comment on the latest news?" He yelled across the street.

Santana looked up and adjusted her bag on her shoulder. "Why the fuck are you in front of my house?" She asked, her body tensing as she looked over her shoulder to make sure Rachel and the kids weren't around. "What news?"

He laughed, taking another shot, "Oh come on, Mrs Spencer. The _news_. Ya know we're gonna be getting the shots for the rags." He moved as he talked, snapping pictures of her irritated face, "So what's the deal with your new paramour, beautiful? Havin' fun there?"

"Yours isn't so much of a profession, as a lecherous and voyeuristic pastime." She spat as she moved down the steps. "Get off my property." She checked him with her shoulder. "Back of and leave me and my family alone."?p

"Your property?" He barked out a laugh, "Lady, I'm on a public sidewalk here, I ain't on your property. And family is it? I hear the only family ya got outsida _Texas_ is ol' Mr Spencer and I ain't gonna go to prison just ta get a story."

He lowered the camera with a disbelieving look, "Oh wow, ya don't know, do ya?" He shook his head with a disbelieving laugh. "How d'ya have no idea? Don't you pay any attention to the rags?"

Santana groaned, finally giving into him. "What?" she started, "What the fuck now?" She was almost yelling but she was so tired of all of this that it stopped mattering whether or not she got mad at them or not. "Just fucking tell me."

"Oh man, if you don't know, I ain't telling you," he started backing away, heading to a little car parked down the street, "I ain't being the messenger you decide to kill over it but it's front page. You'll see it soon enough."

Santana hopped in her car and looked out the window as she headed to work.

* * *

><p>She'd had lunch planned with her daughter for the last several weeks. Just the sort of casual outing they'd been using in their dance to learn how to be with each other for the last nearly ten years. They'd get together. Talk about the children, mostly. When they'd first started meeting - and she thanked Jesse for pushing them back together every time she thought about it - they'd discussed her Broadway efforts, but that had changed with Kayla came along.<p>

Shelby didn't blame her - exactly - for choosing her family - her _children_ - over the stage. It wasn't the choice she had made and it wasn't - exactly - the decision that she wished Rachel had made - the young woman was _born_ for Broadway in Shelby's opinion - but she adored her grandchildren. For all that she rarely had time to spend more than a few hours every couple of weeks with them.

And she'd married _Jesse_. Her _protege_. It was a match made in heaven and she had never been happier that he had finally won her daughter's heart. And they'd made _beautiful_ children. She was so grateful that she'd adopted Beth and learned what joy having a child in her life could bring. She hadn't been ready to be what Rachel had wanted from her as a teenager, but Beth had taught her how to be a mother and she was ready to offer that sort of relationship to her biological daughter now.

What she _wasn't_ certain of was the spurious _friendship_ Rachel seemed to have developed with Santana Lopez, that vicious cheerleader from William McKinley High who'd made her daughter's life a living hell in high school.

People simply did _not_ change as much as the way Rachel spoke of her now compared to how she had at the beginning of their reconnection. She ignored that she herself had made great changes in herself from the time when Rachel had been a student in high school - Santana had been too cruel. Shelby had simply been unready - it wasn't that she hadn't _wanted_ Rachel after all.

Rachel had moved in with Santana nearly three years previous, against Shelby's advice. Let her take a role raising her children. Had allowed that horrible woman to be in the _delivery room_ when her youngest grandchild was born! It made Shelby's heart ache to know how much her naive little girl was allowing herself to be mislead. Santana was just _using_ her. She knew it.

So when she saw a picture of them _kissing_ in _public_ plastered across the cover of the National Enquirer when she was waiting in line to pay for her gas, she'd been understandably furious. Ripping it from its place in the magazine rack, she'd slapped down the extra couple of dollars to pay for it with her gas and stormed out. Parking in the garage for Rachel's building, she'd headed up in the elevator, flipping through the thin pages and getting steadily angrier and angrier at each photo and lurid line depicting their "torrid romance" in the wake of Santana's ex-husband's conviction of rape and assault - a conviction she sincerely wondered about given the woman's salacious reputation.

When the elevator dinged for the floor Avalon Records was on, she rolled the paper tightly in her hand to conceal the photo and stepped out of the elevator with a smile for Theresa, the receptionist behind the desk who waved in recognition, sending her back to wait for Rachel to finish with her meeting in her office. But when she'd gotten to the door, she'd glanced across the hall and caught sight of the woman who was _corrupting_ her daughter into a illicit affair. Her _vulnerable_ daughter. Glancing down at the paper in her hand again, her lip curled into a snarl and she stormed across the hall, slamming the door to Santana's office open and stomping across the room.

Slamming the paper down on the desk so the photo was very visible, she glared at Santana and snarled, "How _dare_ you! What do you think you're doing to my _daughter_?"

**The End**


	31. Chapter 31: Continued

A/N: We were going to create a new fic for this but we couldn't think of a name. So enjoy.

**Chapter 31**

Her hand still stinging from slamming the National Enquirer down with its cover shot depicting Rachel and Santana kissing each other in what appeared to be a park with the lurid title of **Avalon Records Owner Santana Spencer Seen With Newest Fling**, she shoved the paper at Santana and curled her hands around the front edge of the desk, attempting to loom over her. "She is _my_ daughter, Santana, and I will _not_ stand idly by and watch you lure her and my grandchildren into your debauched lifestyle!"

Santana looked up, honestly confused. "um? Shelby? Back off, and maybe if you were closer to _your_ daughter she would have told you we've been together for like 3 years." Santana was tired of hiding and just annoyed that the tabloids got involved again in get personal life. "I love Rachel, I love the kids, so maybe be happy for her and get out of my face."

Shelby looked taken aback for a moment, then her brows narrowed again. "You're lying. Rachel would have told me. She's not _gay_, Santana. She was _married_, for God's sake! She loves _Jesse_. _You_ are just taking advantage of my daughter when she's vulnerable!" She shook her head, looking disgusted, "I always knew you were cruel, but I had never believed you would actually sink so low as to debase a grieving widow."

"We waited over a year, Shelby. During that time I got brutalized by my husband. So don't talk to me about victimization." Santana spat. "she loves me and we're together, so unless you want to drive a further wedge between you both, I'd back off and don't go telling her what she is and isn't."

"You _waited_. So you don't deny that you were chasing after a _married_ woman." Shelby sneered, shoving off the desk and crossing her arms over her chest. "You truly are depraved. He was _dying_. As for your husband, I'm fully aware of the delightful spin your publicists managed to put on that situation. But don't forget, I know _all_ about spinning things to put yourself in the best possible light."

"Are. You. Kidding. Me?" she exclaimed, "My husband is in _prison_ for the rest of his life because if what he did to me." Santana stood up, "I didn't chase her. She didn't chase me. We fell for each other. We love each other so leave it alone."

Shelby shook her head, taking a step back toward the door as she heard the sound of Rachel's voice coming down the hall. "You disgust me. I thought some of what I did was bad, but I never took advantage of a widowed single mother. My daughter is not gay, Santana. I can only imagine what Jesse must think seeing this happen from beyond the grave."

She turned to head out, pausing in the doorway for a final shot. "I won't let you hurt her _or_ my grandchildren. You have my word on that."

"Those kids have four grandparents, Shelby." Santana said slowly. "Four grandparents who remember their birthdays, ask for videos of the kids' gymnastics recital or call on skype to hear a new song they learned. _Those_ are grandparents..." She crossed her arms, "We live in the same city as you and Beth. Do the little ones even know their aunt?" Santana asked, "Does Rachel know her sister? Do you even know Rachel? Or Jesse for that matter."

That stopped her in her tracks. Shelby turned back around to face her again, eyes narrowed with disdain, "You simply prove how little you know, Santana. Rachel and I _repaired_ our differences. I see the kids at least a few hours every _week_. Beth has been a playmate of Kayla's since that little girl was able to walk and Rachel has been her main babysitter since we began speaking again. I'm so surprised that you don't know since you _claim_ you've been together for three _years_. And Jesse?"

She stalked back across the room and leaned on the desk to get in Santana's face, "Jesse was like a _son_ to me. You do _not_ get to talk to me about him."

"You don't get to talk to me about my girlfriend and step-children then." Santana's eyes narrowed. "Maybe you see Rachel, but you know nothing about her. Jesse's real family knows about Rachel and I. We just spend two weeks at their cabin with the kids... Jesse told them to accept me before he died. Why don't you just back the hell out if my office and go be judgmental to someone who gives a shit?"

Shelby sneered, straightening, "Don't you think for one second that this is over, Santana. I will protect my family from your," she looked her over, her lip curling, "degradation. No matter what it takes."

With that she spun on her heel and stalked out of the room as if she was leaving the stage after bringing the house down after a performance, closing the door behind her almost hard enough to be considered a slam. Santana could see her walking across the hall to hug her girlfriend and the way Rachel smiled as if she was happy to see her through the glass walls. She could also see the bright smile the older woman was giving her daughter as they talked, as if there was nothing at all wrong.

Santana quickly texted Rachel, **I love you**, before picking up the tabloid and flipping through it. Outside her office, by glancing over the top edge of the paper, she could see Rachel open her phone and glance at the message, a warm smile forming on her lips as she quickly typed out a reply, completely ignoring her mother while she did. Shortly after, Santana's phone buzzed.

_**Aww, so sweet. You're perfect, love. I love you too. :) Going out to lunch with Shelby but I'll be back soon. :)**_

**I need a private meeting with you when you come back.;)**

* * *

><p>Rachel was in the elevator with Shelby when she received Santana's reply text. Chuckling softly, her fingers flashed over the keypad as she sent a reply.<p>

_**How daring, Ms Lopez. Do you think your girlfriend would mind? ;)**_

It wasn't something she normally would send, but she was still happy about being able to spend Sunday in the company of her _entire_ family. And, frankly, over the last couple of years, she had found that she quite enjoyed the playfully sexual side of her girlfriend. It wasn't something she was very well practiced at, but occasionally, she would try teasing back.

"You look happy." Shelby smiled down at her, walking along side as they exited the elevator.

"I am," Rachel didn't bother to elaborate as she slid her phone into her pocket, "How's Beth?"

It was the whole of their relationship - their children. Rachel hadn't been certain how she would feel about the child who had replaced her in her mother's affections, but she couldn't help but love the sweet little blonde girl that she often watched. And her children quite adored the idea of having an aunt nearly their age. But she and Shelby weren't even as close as she was with Maria. It was sad sometimes, but Rachel had grown accustomed to the fact that she'd never _really_ have a mother and was just grateful for the relationship she _did_ have with the older woman.

* * *

><p><strong>She knows that I like my time with you.<strong>

Santana put her phone down, hating that she had to watch Shelby go off with her girlfriend. She began flipping through the paper, it was typical rag gossip. 'Santana Spencer is lady loving her assistant.' 'Ms Spencer hooks up with a woman!'

Santana sighed, putting the paper down and rolling her eyes.

* * *

><p>Rachel giggled quietly to herself as she read Santana's response, trying desperately not to blush as she quickly typed out another message before putting her phone away and going back to talking to her mother about their children.<p>

_**But does she know what we do in our private meetings? I wonder what she would have said about the meeting where you had me on your desk for lunch two weeks ago? ;)**_

* * *

><p><strong>Mmm but I love going home knowing my lips still taste like you. She likes kissing me after you cum on me.<strong>

_**Mmm, does she? It is quite exciting seeing your lips and chin glistening with my essence. But not nearly as good as when I can get you on that desk and spread your legs so I can see every inch of you, just dripping for me. Can your girlfriend make you that aroused, Ms Lopez?**_

**No one can. Like this morning I was so fucking wet, but no one was there to help. I'm still fucking soaked.**

Santana smirked and typed some more. **But you decided to go out for lunch**

* * *

><p>Rachel almost bit her tongue trying to hide her reaction to the last text. She quickly typed out a response and hit send.<p>

_**I'll be back as soon as I can. Do you think you can last without my services for a little longer?**_

"Is everything okay, sweetheart?" Shelby asked, pausing in eating her salad to smile concernedly over at her daughter.

Rachel just smiled, "Everything is okay. I just need to be getting back to the office soon. Lots of things that need my special touch to ensure they go as planned after all."

* * *

><p>Santana laughed softly and typed out a simple <strong>yes<strong>, before heading back to work.

* * *

><p>A half hour later, Rachel knocked softly on the door to Santana's office, pulling it open and peeking inside with a smile to make sure she wasn't interrupting a meeting since the curtains were closed before coming in and closing it softly behind her. "Hello, Ms Lopez. I believe you wanted to see me?"<p>

"Yes, Ms St James." she smiled, "I want you to come here and look at what you did to me." She stated as she swiveled her chair and slid her legs apart.

"What I di-" Her words trailed off as she came around the desk, jaw working as she tried to swallow at the sight that was presented to her. "Santana," she breathed as she licked her lips and tried to resist dropping to her knees in front of her.

Santana smiled, her thighs apart as she looked up at Rachel. Her own fingers worked slowly in her tight channel as she watched Rachel intently. "Because of you, I'm fucking myself," she moaned, twisting her fingers.

At that, Rachel stopped trying to resist, falling to her knees, hands sliding up her lover's bare thighs and pushing them further apart as she watched Santana's fingers sliding in and out of her body, her folds dripping with arousal and soaking her fingers. "Oh, God," she whispered, fingertips lightly brushing over tanned inner thighs, her mouth suddenly dry and her heart beginning to pound in her chest in time with the pulsing sensation building between her own legs.

She licked her lips again, sliding one hand along Santana's wrist and the back of her hand until one of her own fingers was sliding into her lover's innermost place with the two of her lover's own. "Do you think I can be of assistance, ma'am?" She whispered, finally dragging her eyes up from the intensely erotic sight of her lover fucking herself to meet Santana's gaze, her brown eyes nearly black with desire.

"Yes." she whispered, sliding her fingers out to present them to Rachel. "Do you want these?" she rubbed the soaked digits against pouty lips. She slid her body lower so she could open herself to Rachel.

"Definitely," Rachel whispered softly, the tip of her tongue slipping out to catch a drop of her lover's essence before it could drip off of her fingers. "I wouldn't want you to make a mess after all."

Her eyes locked with Santana's, she wrapped her lips around the soaked digits and sucked, swirling her tongue around them to get every bit off. She moaned softly at the taste, but her eyes never left Santana's. As she did so, she twisted her wrist and pushed inside her lover with three of her slim fingers, sliding them along her walls and flicking over the slightly rough patch that marked her g-spot, her thumb brushing over her clit.

"Fuck." Santana groaned as she threw her head back and slid down further. "Rae..." She moaned her hips rocking into Rachel's hand at the sounds of fingers thrusting into her wet core. She grabbed a handful of Rachel's hair and guided her girlfriend's head to her sopping core.

"I want your mouth," She husked, "I want your lips around my clit."

Rachel didn't argue, twisting her wrist to make it easier to continue pumping into Santana as she slid her tongue between her folds to flick her clit. She rolled her eyes up to watch Santana as she carefully drew the sensitive nub between her lips and sucked hard, lashing it with the tip of her tongue. She squeezed her thighs together before reaching down and sliding her skirt up with her free hand, her eyes never leaving Santana's as she pushed her soaked panties to the side and ran her fingers through her own dripping core.

She groaned into Santana, her lips vibrating against her clit as she pushed inside of herself with two fingers of her free hand as she fucked her girlfriend. It was too much to just touch the other woman. She needed the relief.

Rachel didn't argue, twisting her wrist to make it easier to continue pumping into Santana as she slid her tongue between her folds to flick her clit. She rolled her eyes up to watch Santana as she carefully drew the sensitive nub between her lips and sucked hard, lashing it with the tip of her tongue. She squeezed her thighs together before reaching down and sliding her skirt up with her free hand, her eyes never leaving Santana's as she pushed her soaked panties to the side and ran her fingers through her own dripping core.

She groaned into Santana, her lips vibrating against her clit as she awkwardly pushed inside of herself with her free hand as she fucked her girlfriend. It was too much. She needed the relief.

Santana watched as Rachel's hand slipped into herself. "Shit," she groaned, her body shivering as Rachel's lips wrapped around her nerve. "You're sexy as fuck, baby." She tightened her grip on her hair, "Fuck. Do you like fucking me at work? Licking me and making me cum so hard I drip onto the floor?" She whispered, trying to keep a strong voice but failing. "Does that turn you on, you little slut?" Santana stated. She was always hesitant about calling Rachel anything but loving terms, but every once in awhile Rachel got off on it.

"Mmhmm," she mumbled against Santana's body, nodding her head slightly as she began to tremble with an incipient climax building in the put of her stomach. She released Santana's clit with a wet pop, her fingers still driving in and out of her lover as she rested her head against her lover's thigh. Her lips and chin glistened in the office's lights as she rolled her head to look up at Santana as she fucked both herself and her lover.

"You always turn me on," she gasped, "and I love _fucking_ you anywhere you let me. I'd," her words broke for a moment with a strangled cry as her body arched slightly, fingers hitting a sensitive spot inside, "I'd take you in the car driving home if it wouldn't distress Ajay. Or," she panted for breath, "in a bathroom somewhere. I love that I can," she shuddered, "can _taste_ you... That you're _mine_..."

Santana gasped and arched her hips up as she shuddered with the start of her orgasm. She panted. tugging Rachel's hair as she thrust into the girl's hand. "Fuck... shit... god." Santana moaned, her words becoming less than understandable as she trembled around Rachel's fingers. She bit her lip and shook hard, her body exploded around Rachel's fingers.

"Rae!" She called out with a cry of pleasure.

Rachel shuddered, arching her back as she found her g-spot and twitched her fingers, rubbing it as she managed to twist her wrist to thumb at her clit. When she felt Santana's hand tightening in her hair and the way her hot walls clenched around her fingers still thrusting in and out, she lost her own hold on control. With a shuddering cry and a spasm of her abdominals, she leaned forward against her lover, her own orgasm rushing over her.

"Oh... Oh, _God_," she gasped out, barely able to form words past the force of her climax, "San... tana..."

They stayed like that for several minutes, just basking in the embrace of each other. Santana carefully pulled Rachel out of her before pulling her into a hug. "I love you." She whispered, her arms holding around her tightly. "I love you so much." Her voice cracked with emotion as she spoke. She was upset about Shelby and the tabloid but didn't want to ruin the moment.

Rachel carefully eased out of herself, wiping her fingers on her thigh before hugging Santana back since she didn't want to make it _completely_ obvious they'd engaged in a bit of "afternoon delight". "I love you too," she whispered, turning her head to place a soft kiss against her lover's head. "You mean the world to me, Santana. You saved my life."

She ran her hands gently up and down Santana's back for a moment, her mind trying to come back from where it had gone a moment ago. "What's wrong, sweet...heart," her words trailed off as she saw the crumpled paper in the trash by Santana's desk.

"Yeah..." She whispered, sitting the other girl in her lap and wrapping her arms around the girl's waist. "The tabloids figured us out..." She hid her face in the girls shoulder as she felt like she let her family down. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you and the kids involved with this. We can.. we can go back to hiding if you want. I can stay home when you guys go out again." She sniffled.

Leaning forward, Rachel plucked the mangled paper from the trash a smoothed it out so she could see the pictures. "I don't know," she mused, leaning into her girlfriend's embrace, "I rather like this photo. Perhaps we should find the photographer and see if we can buy a copy to frame for our wall."

She turned her head to kiss her lover's hair, "Why go back to hiding? At least this is true and they were going to find out anyway. You're part of this family, Santana. I'm not ashamed of you and neither are the children."

"Are you sure?" Santana whispered, "Your mom pretty much accused me of coercing you to be with me and brainwashing you." She said sadly, "I don't understand why she hates me. Even Jesse's parents don't hate me. She kept calling us disgusting and whatever... she also thinks i lied about being raped..." She nuzzled Rachel's neck. "I don't understand, why now?"

Rachel took a careful breath and set the paper down before wiggling around in Santana's arms so she could look at her, her knees sliding to either side of her lover's waist. "Santana, I don't _have_ a _mom_. I have a _mother_ due to biological necessity, but I really have next to nothing in common with her - even less now than I did in high school where, may I add, she abandoned me for the _second_ time - and barely a level of relationship that would be considered acceptable in friends. What misconceptions she chooses to have about me and my family are hers alone."

She glanced over at the paper on the desk with a wry grimace. "I hadn't told her about us because I didn't feel it was any of her business. I suppose she was surprised by the tabloid coverage and overreacted. A decided tendency towards being overly dramatic is one of the areas we seem to have in common still, after all."

Santana shrugged, "I know. I might have egged her on with the comment about her not being a real grandparent like your dad's and Jesse's parents. They both live over ten hours away and the kids talk to them sometimes daily through skype and they see them all the time. Hell, Shelby lives in Queens and she's never even offered to babysit or take them anywhere." She took a breath, obviously upset. "Fuck, even my dad comes twice a year now!" She grumbled resting her head against Rachel's shoulder.

"I just want to love you and the kids and have everyone shut the fuck up." She grumbled with a sigh, "I just want to be with you, and have the baby and be with you forever." After a few moments, "Maybe we should have Shelby over? Let her see how normal we are?"

Rachel considered it, "We can if you want. But I believe you should know that the reason Shelby doesn't babysit or offer to take the children places is because I won't allow it." She shook her head with a little shrug, turning back around so she could lean back against her lover, resting her hands over Santana's where they were clasped on her stomach, "I may have forgiven her for her past behavior regarding me, but I most certainly have not forgotten and neither had Jesse. I simply do not trust her enough to not put my children into an emotionally stressful situation like she did with me in high school."

"I understand, baby." Santana whispered as she placed a kiss to Rachel's neck. "I don't want them to go with her ether, I justﾅ I don't want her to go around talking shit about usﾅ I don't doubt our relationship. I love you, we've been together for like three years and I'm happier than I've ever been." she smiled bashfully, "I just want to control this one thing. I can confront her, I can't confront themﾅ" she nodded her head to the paper on the desk.

Rachel turned her head to kiss her softly, "I understand and you can have her over if you wish. But," she winced slightly as she thought about it, "please, _try_ to keep the fighting in front of the children to a minimum? I don't want to scare them because you're fighting with their grandmother Shelby."

Santana sighed and pressed a kiss to Rachel's temple, changing the subject to something happier, "I'm excited for Kayla's show tomorrow night." She smiled proudly, "She's really good. She and I were doing yoga last night and she was talking about how nervous she is."

"Was she now?" She snuggled back against Santana with a smile, happy for the change of topic. She knew she should be getting back to work - that they _both_ should - but she wanted just a couple more minutes in her lover's arms before the hectic day took back over.

"Yep," Santana smiled, loving that she and Kayla did yoga together three days a week. "She was scared of the crowd, but I told her that you and her daddy were never scared and that being a showstopper was part of her blood."

Rachel laughed softly before whispering with a smile, "You lied to our daughter, you bad, bad woman." She kissed her cheek, "Jesse and I were scared on stage plenty of times. The trick is to learn to use the fear to drive you to be even better than what you thought was your best."

"I know, but she needed to hear that her daddy wasn't scared." She smiled at her girlfriend, sighing as she looked over to the clock. "We should probably get back to work, I have to finish this budget." Santana pouted as she helped Rachel get up and re-adjust her clothing.

Rachel sighed, but got to her feet. "I know," she murmured, glancing over her shoulder with a sly grin, "but I rather hope you plan on making it up to me tonight." She leaned down and kissed Santana with a soft moan at the lingering taste of her lover's arousal on her lips before whispering in her ear, "You did make me _fuck_ myself while _fucking_ you, love."

Santana shivered, "You're going face down in the bed when we get home because I'm gonna make you scream." She whispered as she pushed a piece of Rachel's hair back.

"That sounds like an absolutely delightful plan, beautiful." Rachel said with a soft laugh, leaning in to kiss Santana.

Santana kissed her softly back before she pulled away and swatted Rachel's ass as she headed out of the room. She sat back down in her chair, after fixing her skirt and replacing her panties and used an antibacterial wipe to wash her hands and workspace. She sighed as she looked at the tabloid and headed onto the internet to see the rest of the damage.


	32. Chapter 32: Gymnastics

**Chapter 32**

The sun was surprisingly bright and warm on the early summer day of Kayla's gymnastics meet. Looking out the darkened window of the towncar as the family rode to the facility the meet was being held in, Rachel sighed softly and rested her head against the dark window. "It's almost a shame we'll be inside all day. It's quite beautiful out. But," she turned her head to smile at Kayla, running her hand lightly over the neatly pulled back brown hair of the little girl, "it is completely worth it for all of us to get to see you compete, little star."

Kayla smiled and leaned against her mom, "I like when everyone comes. You too, Bethie."

The blonde teenager grinned brightly, "It's so cool I get to come too. Thank you so much, Rachel. My mom wouldn't have let me go if you hadn't asked her. _And_ I'm getting paid to play with Cale while Kay performs. You guys are _great_!"

Santana smiled at her. The morning had been stressful trying to dodge the press and get everyone into the car, but they'd managed and apparently lost their photo-happy tails before picking up the young girl.

"We're happy to have you, Beth." Santana offered warmly. It was strange hanging out with her former boyfriend and best friend's biological child. She acted like them without even knowing it.

"I like playing with Bethie," Cale grinned, showing off the black gap where his missing incisor used to be. "She's nice, Mama."

"I know she is, sweetie." Rachel reached over and ruffled the boy's hair where he sat next to Beth, Alex's car seat on the other side of the girl. "So you had better be good and don't make things hard for her or we might not be able to do this like this again, okay?"

He nodded, "Okay, Mama."

"Play, Mommy?" Alex asked, waving his arms at Santana who was sitting across from him.

"You're gonna sit with Mama and I for awhile," she smiled, knowing Alex was going to be tired soon. "Then we can play after we watch Kayla kick butt." She smiled at her kids, they were amazing and she was almost sad that she had to share them with the rest of the world via the media.

"No play, Mommy?" He looked sad as he stopped bouncing in his seat, "Sit with you? Want play, Mommy."

"I don't know, baby." Santana looked at Rachel. She leaned over and whispered to Rachel. "Can Beth handle both boys?"

"She can at home, but this isn't home." Rachel leaned over at took Alex's hand, "Hey, little man. If you're good and sit with us, I'll ask Shelby if Beth can join us for dinner. You don't mind, do you?" She glanced over at the teen who grinned cheekily.

"Do I get overtime?" She laughed, a delighted trill of laughter that sounded much like Quinn's, "You know I like joining you for dinner. Don't tell my mom, but you cook a lot better than her. We eat a lot of takeout, so it's always nice to get a real dinner."

"Alex, so you'll sit with me?" Santana asked as she tangled her hand with Rachel's behind Kayla who was sitting between them.

He thought about it for a moment, his little face screwing up before he finally nodded, "Okies. Bethie eat with me?"

"Sure, you little rascal," Beth giggled, ruffling his hair. "I'll even help cut your food up, how's that?"

"Yay!" He cheered, clapping as the car rolled to a stop.

Ajay rolled the partition down and glanced back over his shoulder with a fond smile for his employer/friend, "We're here, everyone. And Santana, yes, you said to spend the day with the family, but I was outvoted. Instead of the ball game, we'll be coming back here to cheer on our favorite girl." He added, reaching back to bump fists with a brightly grinning Kayla.

"Everyone's coming, Santi," She looked up at Santana, her eyes sparkling, "All my friends!"

"You are one special little girl." she smiled, she picked Alex up and helped everyone out of the car.

"Very special," Rachel added, giving Santana a quick kiss as she let her help her out of the car, "And very talented in gymnastics, just like Santana was as a child. I'm quite impressed."

"I work hard, Mama! Santana helps, but I work hard too," the little girl pouted, "And Daddy was good at gymnastics too when he was little. Grandpa and Grandma showed me movies of him competing like me."

"You work your butt off." Santana smiled and hoisted Alex up on her hip.

"I do gym too!" Cale piped up, swinging from Santana's arm instead of climbing out normally like everyone else, "See?"

"Caleb, you're awesome but don't jump around like that, you'll get hurt," she stated as they headed into the building.

"Will not," he pouted, but took the hand Beth held out, walking quietly at her side.

"Don't be a brat, Cale," Beth scolded softly, messing up his hair, "No one likes brats and you want people to like you, right?"

"Uh-huh," He nodded, looking up at her, "You're smart, Bethie."

"That's right, and don't you forget it either!" She grinned down at him with a confident smile that could only have come from Noah.

It was strange sometimes - looking at her sister and seeing her rival and the young man she'd often turned to for help. Rachel still hadn't entirely forgiven her mother for abandoning her in favor of Quinn and Noah's daughter, but she couldn't deny that somewhere in the last ten years, she'd grown to love the product of that union. She reached over and wrapped an arm around her sister's shoulders and squeezed.

"You are quite possibly the best sister anyone could ask for, Beth Corcoran, and I'm so proud that I get to call you that." Rachel whispered into her ear, pressing a kiss to her temple. "You just keep being amazing and you'll always have our support, okay?"

"And if I'm less than amazing?" The teen asked with a soft smile, used to her elder sister's spontaneous outburst of affection.

"Impossible, you're related to me," Rachel laughed, letting go of her with a wink, "Isn't that right, Santana?" She grinned at her girlfriend cheekily, teasing evident in her tone.

Santana looked up from her conversation with the registration desk and Alex trying to pull attention. "What, baby?" she asked her face scrunching up in confusion.

"Nothing, sweetheart. We're just joking around. So," she came over to sign her name to the permission slip for the meet - Santana may effectively be the children's second parent, but legally Rachel still had to sign off on things. She made a mental note to discuss that with the Latina at a later date as she straighten and smiled at her, "where does our girl need to go?"

She smiled at Rachel and Beth who had grown taller than Rachel in the last year or so. "I think that she's going over there?" Santana read the poster as she did. "Alright, Star. You go kick butt and we'll be here rooting you on, okay?" She pressed a kiss to her daughter's head, hugging her.

"Okay! I'm gonna be the best, Santi." Kayla beamed up at the taller woman, "I'll make you proud of me, just you wait!"

Rachel came over and kissed her girlfriend's cheek, taking a fussing Alex from her as they watched their eldest child scurry off to the locker room to finish getting ready. "You call immediately or come find us if there's _any_ problem, Kayla!"

The little girl spun around, jogging backwards for a moment, "Okay! Got it! Cheer for me!" She jostled against someone, spinning around and apologizing before disappearing into the locker room.

Santana shook her head and smiled at Alex reaching for her and looking unhappy in his mother's arms, taking him back and hoisting him on her hip. She turned to her girlfriend's sister, "So, Beth, you're gonna play with Cale in the playscape?" her head nodded to the jungle gym across the hall.

She nodded, "That's right, but don't you _dare_ forget to call me when it's Kay's turn to perform! We gotta be there to cheer her on, right, Cale?"

"Uh-huh! Go, Kay!" He bounced up and down, waving his hands over his head.

"Alright, crazy boy, be good." Santana kissed Cale and handed Beth a bag with toys and snacks. "Rach will call when Kayla's ready to go."

She watched them walk away and took Rachel's hand and moved to the bleachers. Alex snuggled into her chest sucking his thump and drifting off.

"Babe, I found... I was looking..." she blushed, "what kinda Jewish are you?"

"What kind of...?" Rachel pulled her attention from the six year old boy working on a routine on the floor to look at Santana with curious confusion, "What kind of _Jewish_ am I?" She smiled slightly disbelievingly, "I'm sorry, love, but that question seems entirely non sequitur for the setting, don't you think? I'm Ashkenazi, as was Jesse, but why do you ask?"

"I didn't know." Santana shrugged, "I was looking at the sperm donor website and I didn't know the difference between like Israeli, or that or whatever." she said quickly, "like Puck's straight outta Israeli and you don't look like him... I didn't wanna be looking in the wrong place."

"You mean Sephardic? Yes, Ashkenazim are genetically distinct from the Sephardim as well as being culturally different, for example, speaking Yiddish secularly instead of Hebrew like most Jews. But, wait," Rachel shook her head, trying to get away from the information spurt she'd fallen back on in confusion, before looking at her girlfriend with a soft yet slightly shocked expression, "you... you were looking at a sperm donor website for," she bit her lip, afraid to be hopeful, "for donors that are like... me?"

"Of course!" Santana said, she was confused. Of course she'd look for donors like Rachel. "I want the... why wouldn't I?" She asked as she watched Rachel's face. "I want the baby to be like both of us... like genetically or whatever. I know biologically or whatever but if the baby could kinda look like you or have your culture. I want that." She explained.

Rachel looked like she was about to cry for a moment before she threw her arms around Santana and hugged her tight, "I didn't think. I just... I never thought... oh God, I love you _so_ much, Santana Lopez. So so much..."

She hadn't thought things through. Hadn't realized that the other woman would have to _choose_ a donor, that she would _want_ a child similar to Rachel and the other three. She hadn't realized any of it, but her chest almost seemed like it wanted to burst with how much she loved her girlfriend in that moment for not even thinking of anything but having a child that was like _them_. She buried her face in her lover's shoulder, grinning like a fool and laughing softly through the tears streaking her face.

"You are perfect, Santana. Simply perfect." She raised her face to pull Santana to her and kiss her softly, not caring who might see - or take a photo.

Santana smiled and held Rachel, with Alex smooshed in between them. "I love you too, I guess I didn't really explain how much is involved with me getting pregnant." She shrugged and rested her head against shoulder. "But a little baby that looks kinda like us? Mixed together? But is culturally related to the other three and you? And is also Hispanic like my family... It's the best of all worlds and just thinking about it makes me so happy." She smiled and tangled their fingers together.

"I want this... for us. I want it."

"So do I," Rachel whispered, gently brushing her son's hair as she squeezed her lover's hand, "I want it more than I thought I could. I just... I never thought it was possible. I mean... I don't have brothers that could provide the necessary material. I never thought..." She shook her head, chuckling softly and resting her head on her lover's, "You're amazing, Santana."

Santana smiled as she watched the small children tumbled on the mat. "Baby, if you had a brother I don't think I'd use his stuff. If I can't have you, I don't want anyone's junk... but I want the baby to be with us and we can feel more like... i don't even know." She smiled as she cuddled the baby in her lap.

"I want us to be a even stronger family. So having the little one be a mixture of everyone makes me really happy. Plus, Jesse was the same kinda Jew right? So they kinds are all mixed with the three of us..."

"Santana Lopez, are you _trying_ to turn me into an emotional wreck at our daughter's gymnastics meet?" She smiled waterily at Santana at the thought that the Latina wanted Jesse involved, "Because you are succeeding with flying colors if you are. I just... I love you." She leaned forward and kissed her softly, trying to show how much she loved her and ignoring the snide comments around her.

Santana smiled and wrapped her arm around Rachel's shoulders and turned them back to face the floor. "I think we're freaking people out around us." She whispered, as she ran her up and down Alex's back. "I doubt the fine families in this establishment are loving us being all gross and couply." she winked as she looked around the room.

"Let them be freaked out then," Rachel murmured with a smile, letting her head rest against Santana's shoulder, "I love you and they can all go jump in a lake if they have a problem with it."

A little later as the younger class began clearing off the mats, she sent a quick text to Beth's cellphone to let her know to bring Cale in because Kayla's age group was starting. Glancing down at the stands, she caught a quick glimpse of what seemed to be an oddly familiar blonde head, but she shook her head with a laugh. Who she thought it was was nearly likely nor possible.

Santana cheered when Kayla came onto the floor. Cale was watching her intently as she did her routine then the balance beam. Alex even woke up to watch his big sister. "Mommy, Kay dancing!" Alex beamed as he watched the girl closely.

They watched her intently as she tumbled and did her routine and did a very good job at that. "Babe?" Santana whispered, "She's really good!"

"Of course, she is," Rachel smiled up at the other woman, "she's _our_ daughter after all, right?" She winked at Santana and leaned over to whisper in Beth's ear, pointing at a specific area while the teen ran the video camera she'd been entrusted with.

They laughed, watching Beth fight with the parents trying to get to the best shot of the little kids. Santana watched intently as Kayla performed with her little troupe. She was so proud, so happy that the little girl was getting over her stage fright and looking like she was actually having fun. "She's perfect." Santana whispered as she watched the girl. "She's you." She smiled as she spoke.

Rachel shook her head, watching her little girl, "She's better than me. She's _us_. You, me... Jesse. She's the best of us. They all are."

As she finished her routine and stepped off the mat, Kayla looked up at the family in the stands and waved with her biggest smile. Rachel smiled and waved back, the smile turning slightly odd as she again noticed that seemingly familiar blonde head, this time twisted as if looking up in the stands. "Who _is_ that?" she murmured quietly before shrugging it off.

* * *

><p>When the competition was over - Kayla had come in second and bounced off to get changed after getting lots of kisses from her large family in the stands. Santana was holding onto Cale as he walked on the balance beam when her eye caught the sight of an awkwardly familiar blonde talking to Kayla.<p>

"Rach? Who is Kayla talking to?" She asked, her head trying to recall why the woman was seeming so familiar.

Rachel turned from where she'd been talking to Beth and frowned to see the unhappy look on her little girl's face. "I don't know, but I intend to find out." Striding over, she put her hand on the track suited shoulder of the tall woman talking to her daughter and yanked. "_Excuse_ me, but that is _my_ daughter you're accosting, Ms..." Her jaw dropped as the reason the short blonde haired head was so familiar finally clicked, "_Sue_?"

Sue finished turning and looked the younger woman up and down with her trademark sneer, "Streisand. I see you reproduced. Smashing. She actually has some usable talent. How ever did you manage that?"

When Santana saw her former coach she clutched tighter onto Cale. "Santa!" He cried out loudly, she looked up quickly with a soft _sorry_ before handing him over to Beth to watch and picked up Alex and headed over to Rachel.

"Rachel?" Santana hesitated, her arms tightening around the baby. "Dear god." She claimed as she looked up into the face of her old coach. It had been over ten years and Sue looked exactly the same as she did years back. "Sue Sylvester. Still keeping the track suit companies in business?"

"I own stock," Sue responded with a smirk, "and if it isn't Tits McGee herself. Keeping company with Streisand now I see. Did you also manage to spawn an offspring or do you two just share? To be honest, I'm rather astonished any of your little club of mouth-breathers are still reproductively viable. I would have thought that much time spent in enclosed spaces with the fumes from your miserable excuse for an instructor's hair products would have sterilized the lot of you."

Santana froze a bit, when Sue mentioned her infertility she started her daily worry about whether or not she'd really be able to carry a child to term. She held onto Alex tighter, her hand supporting his legs as they wrapped around her waist.

"You would, and I'm surprised you haven't been arrested on paedophilia yet, Sue." Santana tried to come back, "Your devotion to children strikes fear in the hearts of parents everywhere."

"I'm only devoted to winners, Sandbags. And if that means finding the rare talented - like Streisand Junior here - and molding them into the form of perfection - like I did with you, I might add - then the court and I have an understanding." Sue raised a brow with her traditional "I'm better than everyone around me" disinterested smirk on her face. "Not that you'd understand after surrendering perfection for the utter stench of mediocrity."

"And quitting Cheerios made me mediocre?" Santana laughed, "Best thing I ever did. I'm now richer than you, still beautiful and unlike you, I'm happy."

Sue crossed her arms over her chest and laughed, "You call this happy? You could actually have meant something, S. Made it to the Olympics even. But instead you chose the Mouth-breather Legion led by General Von Hairgel. Your precious little Glee club didn't give you your wealth, physical appearance or this strange thing you call happiness. That was all about the drive you nurtured as one of _my_ Cheerios."

She reached out and tapped Santana's shoulder, stepping forward to close the space between them, "Look at you. The way you stand. The ruthless manner in which you go after what you want in your business. Don't think I don't know all about you still, S. You still bear the Sue Sylvester Stamp on you and I keep track of my girls."

Rachel had had enough. She stepped between Sue and Santana and pushed the older woman back. "Look, Sue, you and I have never exactly gotten along or seen eye to eye -"

"This should not be a surprise, Streisand," Sue interrupted, "your head barely reached my breasts before I judged them too inefficient and had them removed, but do carry on with your mindless babbling."

"But that gives you _no_ right to come into my life again and start _haranguing_ my family! Kayla is _our_ daughter," Rachel carried on as if Sue had never spoken, "and you have _no_ stake to her _or_ my girlfriend!"

"_Girlfriend_?" Sue looked incredulous, bursting out laughing, "You and Streisand, S? Oh, thank you, I needed that laugh. I haven't heard something so ridiculous since Schuester thought he could compete against me in the ancient sport of ping pong and actually win."

Santana held onto Alex, a bit creeped out that Sue was following her. "So then you know?" Santana asked, "About everything..." she hesitated, "yet your still here hassling us."

"I am _here_," Sue stated, straightening up and looking down her nose at the two smaller women, "to offer this girl a chance to be amazing as a member of the William McKinley High School Cheerios. I _could_ have done it on the grounds of her being a legacy member due to her connections to a former head cheerleader. Instead, I am offering on the grounds of sheer untapped talent, _despite_ her coming from the womb of the loud-mouthed diva."

"Shut up, Sue." Santana snapped. "No way in hell am I letting her go through what I had to. How you made us do hourly weigh ins, drink the master cleanse, work for hours on end to never satisfy you," Santana was angry, "to turn someone sweet and pure into a vicious harpy, who hates everyone who's not a cheerleader." She shook her head, "Not happening."

Sue raised a brow, "Well now, I suppose that's one opinion. Streisand?"

Rachel barked out a laugh. "Allow any of _my_ children to enter that vile den of gossip mongering and slander? Under _your_ control? Honestly, Sue, I had always believed you were a bit crazy, but this certainly exceeds expectations." She held her hand out for Kayla, "Come on, Kayla, let's go talk to your coach, okay?"

Santana watched as Rachel walked away with her child. "Don't ever come near Kayla again. You shouldn't be allowed to take something fun and turn it into something that she will hate."

The blonde coach watched the young mother walk away with her eldest child before turning to Santana, "Sandbags, let me make something perfectly clear to you. You may _think_ you're some sort of twisted second mother to those children, but you're not. Legally, you're nothing to them. Don't think I didn't notice that your handwriting filled out the registration form for Streisand Junior but it was Berry that signed off. Don't threaten me, Lopez. I will make you regret it."

"Don't come near my family, Sue. We've been through hell and I won't let you continue to make it so." Santana rubbed Alex's back.

"Mommy?" he whispered, clutching onto Santana's shirt. "Wanna go."

Santana glared once more at Sue before turning to walk away.


	33. Chapter 33: thunder

**Chapter 33**

It was a lazy fall weekend, outside it was storming and the wind was blowing in strong gusts causing the windows to rattle. All three kids had gone down for a nap, which almost never happened now that Kayla was 9. Santana stretched out on the bed in the master bedroom reading through a book about IVF and it's effects to a woman's body.

To say Santana was nervous about a lot of things was an understatement. She had decided on two donors, they were both Jewish and performers and genetically perfect for her to use. She wanted to do this soon, she had just turned 33 and she wanted to have the baby and not have a huge gap between the other kids. But, she was nervous. Between the lingering fear of having a failed pregnancy again and the fact that she was having a child with a woman who already had three. She wasn't sure. She knew Rachel wanted the baby, but she was nervous that Rachel hadn't even though that they'd try to make it hers too... and for that matter that the other three didn't have any ties to Santana other than that she paid for everything. Santana sighed, rolling over onto her back and covering her face with her arm as she listened to the rain beat down on the windows to try to ignore her head.

Rachel came in a little later having finished getting everything prepped and put in the crockpot for dinner later. Seeing her girlfriend in bed, she smiled and crossed to the bed, crawling in and wrapping her arm around Santana. Dropping a kiss to her shoulder, she propped her head up with her free hand and smiled down at her lover. "What deep thoughts have you hiding in here, beautiful?"

"Just over thinking." Santana sighed, uncovering her eyes and smiling at her girlfriend. "I was reading about the IVF and the like rate of it taking and miscarriages and whatever." She slid the book onto the table. "I know I want this, i'm just nervous. I mean it's a big change for everyone. What if the kids don't want another sibling? Will they even think it's their brother or sister if they don't look alike or are related?" Santana asked softly.

"But they are related, sweetheart, in the most important way," she leaned down and kissed her lover softly, "in here." Her hand rested gently over Santana's heart. "Don't worry about the children. They're young and they'll adapt. You're going to get pregnant and you are going to give birth to a beautiful and healthy baby and I'm going to be right beside you the entire time, okay? You can't get rid of me now, you know."

Santana sighed and just jumped off the cliff she had been living on since Sue decided to point out that she had no ties to the children other than loving them. "Rachel... I... on the forms for IVF there is a spot for a second parent signature. I want you to be the baby's parent legally." She burst out and closed her eyes after she did.

For a second, Rachel felt like her heart must have stopped beating in her chest. She couldn't help the slow, almost bewilderedly happy smile growing on her face as she regarded the amazingly wonderful woman she loved. "You... You do?" Her voice trembled slightly with the sheer strength of the emotions she was feeling.

She hadn't thought - hadn't allowed herself to even _dream_ - of being a legal parent to Santana's child. When Santana hadn't said anything, Rachel had just assumed that the woman liked the arrangement with regards to their children and didn't want to do anything differently with regards to her own. She'd resigned herself to having no bond the courts would recognize with the child and had despaired of ever bringing up the legal status of Santana regarding her children.

Santana's head bounced up and down with a nod, "I know that the other three have two parents and I understand my place in that..." she swallowed tightly, "I... I want my child to have two parents too. I want him or her to know what that love feels like." She whispered and played with a string on the bedspread. "Like I understand if you don't want to... I'll understand."

"Don't...?" Rachel shook her head, "No! No, that's not it at all! I want that!" She grasped one of Santana's hands and held it to her heart, "I want that more than you could know, Santana. And as for the other three... you're right. They do have two parents... and one deceased father." She brought the hand she was holding up to her lips, pressing her lips against the knuckles.

"My love for them knows that. I love them even more everyday..." Santana swallowed, "but as Sue pointed out at Kayla's meet... I can't do anything for them, I cant even take them to get a freaking library card or pick them up from school without permission from you and my ID..."

Rachel swallowed and licked her lips. She'd been wondering how to bring this up for months, but for as long as Santana didn't seem interested in bringing it up, she'd started to believe that the question would be unwelcome. "But..." she paused to collect her thoughts, licking her lips again before continuing softer than before, "But I want you to be able to do all that. I want you to be their parent, Santana, the same as I am. I just," she glanced away, biting her lip and looking troubled, "I didn't think you wanted that..."

"It's all I want." Santana said quietly as she rolled over to face Rachel. "I want that. Ever since Alex called me _ma_. But, I don't know if Cale and Kayla want that." she stated her fingers running over Rachel's face. "I don't want to keep shaking up their lives."

"We can talk to them, Santana," Rachel whispered, cupping Santana's hand against her face and turning her head to kiss the palm, "But the only way you can shake up their lives is by walking out on us. You _are_ their parent. This would just be a legal formality. I just," she looked at Santana as if she were the most amazing thing she'd ever seen, tears sparkling in her eyes as she whispered, "I'm so _happy_ right now... I didn't think you wanted... I had no idea how to _ask_... God, you're amazing."

Santana leaned over and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. "I didn't know how to ask ether. I was scared it's too soon. I know you're still in love with Jesse and he's the kids' father and I'd never want to try to even take his place... But I love you with everything I am. You stayed - you _stayed_ - when I was at my lowest. When I was scared to be touched or loved by you. I want you to mother my child. I want you to pick the final sperm donor. I want to have this baby with you and continue raising the children together as a family..." She blurted out, having held it in for so long she didn't know how to hold those words back any longer.

"Of course I still love Jesse, Santana." Rachel finally spoke as Santana trailed off, "He was my husband, the father of my children, and he was stolen from us far too soon. But," she rolled them so she was laying on top of the taller woman, her hands brushing through her hair, "I love you too. With the same intense passion that I loved him. Sometimes I'm afraid I might grow to love you more, other times I'm afraid I already do. You're it for me, Santana. Do you understand that? I don't want anyone else," she shook her head, "if anything ever happened to you - if you were taken from us like he was - I don't want anyone else. I'll wait until my time comes and I can be with the other halves of my heart again."

Rachel leaned down and kissed her slowly, lovingly, "I want to share the rest of my life with you. I want my family to be yours. I want to raise the children with you. Don't you understand that I want what you want? That I want to be the first to hold your child after you. That I want to be there as they grow up and hear them call me Ma or Mommy the way Alex does with you. I want to be there every step of the way, from their first breath until their wedding day and their children - _our grandchildren_ - are born, grow up and marry the ones they love. Because that is how important to me you are, how much I love you, and what I want with you, Santana Lopez. I want to grow old beside you..."

Santana was crying, she knew she was and she didn't try to hide it. She rested her hands on Rachel's hips and pressed their foreheads together. "I love you." She whispered, her lips moving minuscule amounts to rest upon Rachel's. She kissed her softly, little butterfly kisses of dry lips pressing together. After a moment Santana pulled away, "I love you more than anything." She smiled and rolled them to face each other side, by side. She ran her fingers through Rachel's hair, her eyes memorizing every inch of her lover's face.

"I will never leave you." Santana stated, "No matter what. You are stuck with me and if you're lucky we can die together in some seriously romantic nature. But I want you in my life forever and always."

"Well, if it's alright with you," Rachel smirked teasingly, "I'd rather not die at all. But if I must, I think that the only way I'd consider romantic would be in your arms in our bed when we're at least one hundred. Preferably older. I want every moment I can have with you. I've learned none of us are permitted forever or guaranteed a full life together, so I have no intention of squandering what I have with you. Now, since I have been entirely cowardly about asking up until this point, Santana, would you consider petitioning for a second-parent adoption of my children? Make them, legally, as much yours as mine and Jesse's?"

"We should do that." Santana said, "I made you my emergency contact for medical stuff and I would like to be able to make you my legal power of attorney if something ever happened to me or our baby... I want to be the second parent to the kids. I would love that more than anything." She smiled and kissed rachel again softly. "Do you think we should ask them first? Tell them were thinking about having a baby and that I want to adopt them?" she cocked her head to the side. "Or do you think we should just do it and tell them when they're older? Not like it changed anything or whatever."

Rachel snuggled close, "I want you to be my contact and power of attorney and all that as well. But, I believe we should talk to them and explain what's happening. They may be young, but I believe if we explain it right, then they can understand. Especially about you having a baby to add to our family and give them another little brother or sister."

"I agree. I'm worried about Kayla." Santana said as she rested her head on Rachel's. "She had day's where she hates me and wants Jesse... then there are day's where she acts like she's okay with us." She sighed as she wrapped her arms around the girl. "I'm just saying what if she doesn't want this?"

"Santana, you may believe it or not, but my daughter loves you. Even when she says she hates you." Rachel gently kissed her neck, "She even says she hates _me_ sometimes. And of course she misses and wants her father. No little girl should have to lose her daddy like she did. But she'll be okay. We can explain you're not trying to take his place, that she doesn't have to call you anything she doesn't want to. It'll be okay, love."

"I know." she sighed, "I just know I would have hated whomever my father married after my mom died," she tangled their fingers together. "I just want her to be happy and to love the baby as much as she loves Alex. I know the boys will be okay and be hoping for a brother, but I just wonder what she's thinking sometimes." Santana sighed and nuzzled Rachel's neck with soft kisses.

Rachel let a soft moan escape her lips at the gentle kisses, "Sweetheart, you're not replacing her father. You're not some strange man coming," her breath caught in her throat as Santana nuzzled a particularly sensitive spot, "into her life wanting her to call you Daddy and take his place. You're her Santi and she loves you even when she's angry or having a terrible day and tells you she doesn't. You," she bit her lip, "you saw how upset and scared she was when you were in the hospital, beautiful. And, Santana, unless the rest of you intends on following through with the promises your lips are making, I would advise you to restrain your kisses or at least to restrict them to less sensitive areas of my person. You know what happens to me when you kiss my neck like that."

Santana pulled back and kissed her lips. "Raincheck?" she smiled cuddling into her girlfriends side. "The babies are gonna get up soon," she wrapped her arms around the girl and smiled. "so I'll call Marcus in the morning."

Rachel shivered, cuddling close, "There had better be a raincheck, Ms Lopez, and don't you think for a moment that I won't be redeeming it. I love it when you touch me after all." She pressed a kiss to the corner of Santana's jaw. "When you call Marcus, be sure to ask him about petitioning for a second-parent adoption of our children and," she bit her lip and glanced up shyly, "could you perhaps ask him if he would assist me with constructing a durable and medical power of attorney for you regarding me? You're the only one I want making decisions for me if anything ever happens."

Santana nodded. "I can do that." she smiled and kissed her softly. "I will also let my dad know what were doing, but I'm not tellin' him about the idea of a baby until I get knocked up and then not until at least 12 weeks."

"Don't say knocked up, it sounds so crude. But... Your dad?" Rachel sounded a bit hesitant, "Will he be okay with that? With you having a child with me? I know he cares for the children and he seems accepting of my being your girlfriend, but...are you sure?"

"Yes," she stated, "I've told him I'm interested in looking into it. That I kind of want to have one with you, he was excited. Then again he was excited about Alejandra. He's just wanting me to reproduce," she smiled and snuggled into Rachel. "He knows I want this and he wants it for me... For us."

"If you're certain," Rachel murmured, tightening her hold around Santana, "I just want your family to approve of us being together."

From outside their room came the soft rustling of little feet and Rachel smiled at her lover with a wink as their door creaked open to reveal three little heads peeking around the door. They knew better than to open the door without knocking, but in that moment, Rachel didn't want to scold them. She just nodded at them and they came tumbling into the room, Kayla helping her little brothers up onto the bed before carefully clambering up herself. With some minor bickering and wrestling, they managed to get situated into a rather ungainly but very warm cuddle pile.

"So many little people!" Santana said as she rolled on her back and Alex nestled on her chest. Cale laid in the space between the two women and Kayla snuggled with her mom. "Did you have a good nap?"

"Uh-huh," Kayla muttered, still not entirely awake, Cale and Alex having woke her up after a big thunder crash. "Still sleepy, though."

"Wanna sleep with you and Mama, Santa," Cale yawned, cuddling closer to Santana. "Lex and me don't like the thunder. Too loud."

Alex grabbed hold of a handful of Santana's shirt and did his best to bury his face against her. "Bad boom, Mommy," he whimpered.

"Mama and I will protect you with our bubble of love." she said making a bubble with her arms over the 5 of them. "See, babies? All better?" she smiles and wrapped an arm around him.

Kayla scoffed, "That's not a bubble and I'm not a baby." But she snuggled in closer to Rachel's side as a loud crack of thunder pealed, making Cale jump and Alex squeal, cuddling closer to Santana out of fear.

Rachel just held her close with a soft chuckle, "Of course, you aren't, little star. But, since we're all here, Santana and I would like to ask you guys something important." She leaned down to kiss the top of Kayla's head. "How would the three of you feel if Santana adopted you and became your parent legally just as much as I or Daddy is?"

Santana bit her lip and waited for the answer.

"Have two mommys?" Cale asked as he tilted his head and looked at his mom.

"Only if you want her to be, sweetheart. She's still your Santa, okay?" Rachel smiled softly at her middle child, reaching up to tousle his hair, "You don't have to call her anything different if you don't want to."

"She's not my Daddy," Kayla groused, "Kids are only supposed to have _two_ parents. I have two. You and Daddy."

Rachel sighed, "Yes, Kayla. And Santana isn't looking to take Daddy's place. This is just so other people know that she takes care of you the same as I do and if anything happens and I can't be there, you can call her and she can take care of you. And," she glanced over their heads to smile softly at her girlfriend, "when Santana has a little boy or girl, they'll be your brother or sister, the same as Alex and Cale."

Alex lifted his head up, "Baby?" he asked, he thought for a second before wiggling down to poke Santana's bellybutton. "Baby inside, Mommy?"

"No, _mijo_, not yet." she laughed and tugged him back up. "I'm thinking about having a baby... Would that be okay with you guys?"

Kayla chewed her lip, hugging Rachel tight, "I guess."

"A baby?" Cale sat up looking excitedly at Santana, "Like Alex was? All little and bitty?"

Santana was feeling awkward about Kayla's reaction, she just sighed and closed her eyes. "Yeah buddy. All little and baby-like. I don't know yet though so... It might not happen." She whispered, trying to not think about how much it hurt to think about Kayla hating the baby or not even being able to get pregnant.

Rachel nudged her daughter, pointing her chin at Santana to point out how sad she looked after Kayla's less than enthusiastic response. The little girl sighed and hugged her mom tight. She didn't want to be forgotten again like she was when her mom was pregnant with Cale and Alex. She just wanted to know she still had a place in the family with her Daddy gone and Santana coming in and wanting to have a baby - one more brother probably too. She loved her brothers, but they were frustrating sometimes. She just wanted someone like _her_ to look up to her like Alex did Cale.

But she didn't want Santana feeling bad either. "You'll be a good mom," she whispered, barely audible over the rain, "Like you are with us. Your baby is gonna be real lucky and special, Santi."

Santana smiled softly and reached over and cupped the little girl's chin. "I'm gonna need your help, because you are a big girl and most of all you are my friend, Kayla." She stated as she looked at her girlfriend and her _daughter_.

"Really?" Kayla looked as if she didn't quite believe her, "Mama never needed my help..."

"Of course I did, sweetheart!" Rachel responded, slightly shocked that her daughter felt that way, "And you helped me in the most important ways. You helped set the table and with cooking for everyone. Helped me with the laundry and cleaning the house. And, if it wasn't for you calling 911," she kissed the top of her daughter's head, "we might not have gotten to meet Alex. He could have died if it wasn't for you helping, little star."

"This is why I know you're gonna be awesome with the youngest of our not so little family." Santana smiled and snuggled them into a closer little ball, Alex had fallen asleep on her chest again and Cale was on his way to sleep. "I want you to wanna be a big sister again, but I'll understand if you don't want to." she said honestly as she looked at the two women in her life.

Kayla chewed on her lower lip as she thought - an unconscious echo of her mom. Finally she let out a long breath - not quite a sigh - and nodded, her lip still caught between her teeth. "Okay. But is it bad if I don't want another little brother?" She looked worriedly between her mom and Santana, afraid she may have just said something awful.

Santana laughed, "No sweetie. I kinda wanna give you a sister, but you and I both know only god can decide that." she leaned over and kissed the girls head. "So, if it's a boy or a girl we'll be happy okay? But, we still need to see if I can get pregnant so it's not happening right this second." She smiled and pushed the little girl's brown hair off her face. "But no matter what? Your mom and I love you and your daddy loves you. You're our girl okay?" She reminded the girl.

Kayla nodded. "Uh-huh. I know. Okay. But," she smiled slowly and more than a bit cheekily, "I really don't want another smelly brother. I'll love him like the bratty brothers I already have if that's what God gives you, but I'd really, really like a little sister. Okay?" She wiggled over her mom to hug Santana tight, whispering in her ear, "Love you, Santi. Thank you for being here for us."

"Thank you for letting me." Santana whispered back, "I love you and I love your mom. Nothing will ever be more important than that... I'll work on the sister thing for you, K." She winked as she pulled away and smiled before resting her head on the pillow and letting her eyes fall closed. "Family nap time?" She mumbled, as she snuggled into the boys.

"I think that sounds wonderful," Rachel murmured as Kayla curled back into her side, reaching over to switch off the light. "I love you, Santana. And our family," she muttered drowsily, snuggling with everyone as she started drifting off.


	34. Chapter 34: Visit

**Chapter 34**

It hadn't been easy - a fact that was _almost_ annoying, but she chose to be impressed instead - Lopez's handling of security set up for her offices was a reflection on the training she'd received as one of Sue's Elite after all. Head Cheerios needed exceptional levels of training after all and if they couldn't at least match the basic level of training for a Navy SEAL... Well, then she'd just feel like a failure and that simply wasn't acceptable. So the almost annoying level of difficulty in bypassing Santana's security measures had been a pleasant reflection on herself.

She smiled as the familiar form of her former head cheerleader appeared in the glass of the office door, leaning back in the chair and propping her sneakered feet up on the desk, crossing her hands behind her head. "Well, hello there, S. About time you showed your face."

"You're like a giant, how the hell did you get through my security?" Santana asked as she closed the door behind herself and crossed the room to put her iPad and ledgers on the desk. "What are you doing here, _Sue?_" The Latina rolled her neck and stood back up to her full height and crossed her arms over her Armani covered chest.

Sue just smirked, "It was simple for someone of my skills, S. I merely scaled the outer wall under the cover of darkness and came in through the window," she hooked a thumb over her shoulder at the window behind her, still standing open, curtains fluttering in the breeze. "I'm surprised at you, leaving such a breach in your defenses. I would have electrified the frame, of course." She straightened, folding her hands on the desk and glancing around, "You seem to have done well for yourself, I see. I'll admit to some small measure of pride in your success."

"Thank you for that veiled compliment," Santana rolled her eyes and walked over to her desk, "Can you please get the hell off my desk?" She asked as she looked down at the gigantic woman in her chair. "You're gonna screw up my chair..." Santana made a face, she finally got that chair at a perfect amount of support.

Sue laughed, but stood, "Of course. This is _your_ office." She paced about the office, hands neatly folded behind her track suited back as she inspected the framed magazine covers. "I never would have expected you to be behind the scenes, Lopez." She glanced over her shoulder with pursed lips, "You always were more of a in your face sort of girl. Rather reminded me of myself with how you'd go after what you wanted. Which is why," she turned to face the younger woman, her eyes roving over her, one brow raising curiously, "I must admit to being puzzled as to why you would deny that child a chance to be part of the best."

"You've obviously never seen any of my deals or the way I do business, Sue. I've always been ruthless, and I will continue to be..." Santana explained as she sat down and crossed her legs. "Which is why I will not let that girl become another of your pawns, she's special. She's smart, she honest to god loves science and stuff I don't even understand. She doesn't want to be a cheerleader, she doesn't want it. That's why I wont let her even think about doing something that she doesn't want..."

"You're making a mistake there, Santana." It wasn't often that Sue used others' full names. She liked to reserve it for dramatic effect. "I can make her a _real_ star. Give her the opportunities to achieve her," she gestured randomly with one hand, "nerdy endeavours without being mocked by her classmates. No one mocks a cheerleader, or did you forget that?" She placed both hands on the edge of the desk and leaned close, "I can give her the opportunity to go to top schools in this country, or, let's be honest, _any_ other. Can you say the same? Can your little _girlfriend_?"

"Yes." Santana said simply, "I can assure her that she can go to any school she wants if _she_ wants to. She's brilliant, and she will be able to go anywhere she wants." She was assured that she would be able to insure her children's future. "I have an obscene amount of money and if you taught me anything, it was that if you have enough power and money you can do anything." Santana smiled at Sue. "Trust me on the fact that i can do anything at this point."

Sue's eyes narrowed, "Even take care of miserable excuse for a former husband? Yes, I know about that. And I know of Streisand's part in the affair as well. It's one of the few times I've felt a strange sort of kinship with the hobbit. She clearly understood the need to physically defend what she regarded as hers in any manner possible. I applaud her. But do _you_ possess the faculty to ensure he is destroyed to the point that he will not be a threat?"

Santana froze and tried very hard to keep her face stoic. "He's in jail." she said her voice wavering a bit, "He will continue to stay in jail and that is good enough for me. Now tell me, _Coach_, what do you want? Other than my child and my family moving back to Ohio... what can i do for you?"

Sue took a seat on the couch, crossing her legs and stretching her arms along the back as she regarded Santana. "Actually, I don't want that at all. If you haven't noticed, alumni who leave do not return to Lima. I know Streisand's fathers still live there though, so if the girl _elects_ to join my prestigious team, then there is no need for you to return for the four years of her Cheerios' career. What I want is to know why you didn't come to me when you lost the little girl. You married scum. Which is understandable and why I never tied myself to anyone but myself via matrimony. I truly have no use for such patriarchal nonsense and was rather surprised to learn that you, of all of the Cheerios, had subsumed. I'd always had such hopes for you to rise above such things as I myself had."

"I have done well for myself, I've done better than you even with my _stumbles_." Santana replied, "Despite all the shit that happened to me in the last ten years, I've found love. I've found someone who loves me and was willing to protect me from my ex-husband." She cracked her neck and looked at the woman. "Why the hell would I come to you with the death of my child, Sue? Have you ever shown me compassion in the entire time you knew me? So please, tell me why I would tell you that my child died?"

"I haven't shown you compassion?" Sue raised a brow and snorted, "I saved your little glee club on more than one occasion. I _protected_ you, S. Do you honestly believe you would have kept from being expelled for half of the stunts you pulled without my running interference behind the scenes? You weren't as impervious as you liked to believe. Believe whatever you'd like, Sandbags, but you were like a daughter to me. The three of you were the children I never had. All I wanted to do was help you succeed." She nodded, "Now, perhaps my techniques were not as accepted by the mainstream as I would have hoped - children are positively _coddled_ these days - but that doesn't mean I didn't do my best to be like a mother to you."

Santana's jaw clenched down, "Like a mother to me?" She laughed cynically as she looked at the blonde, "Sue, you would rather eat your young than nurture them. You were not a mother figure to me. I hated you in high school. I hated how you taunted me, how you picked on Brittany, how you kicked Quinn off the team and banished her from being able to engage with us when she got knocked up. I hated how you kept me down for years, how the minute I finally gained enough weight to actually develop breasts you decided that you'd tell the world I got a boob job instead of letting it be known your master cleanse didn't work. I never looked at you like a mother, Sue. Mothers love their children no matter what, not use their secrets and insecurities to make them bend to your will." Santana stood up and leaned over her desk and growled, "If you even try to convince my child to join Cheerios, or fuck even go near my family I'll sue you for harassment and for being a sexual predator towards children. I'm sure the cops would still be able to find the cameras in the locker rooms... am I wrong?" She stated with a raised eyebrow.

Sue laughed, "Cameras in the locker room? Lopez, I believe you're mistaking me for Jewfro. I have no need for such things when I have cameras situated strategically around the school and spies infiltrated into the Cheerios every year who would never fail to report the slightest violation. While I may have a certain level of arousal at catfighting, I have no desire to watch the prepubescent-like bodies of my charges. But if you think I never loved you or Q or B, then you are severely mistaken."

"I pushed you because I wanted you to be strong enough to survive in this world," she added, pushing up to stand in front of the desk again, "I gave you the strength you needed to survive that miserable wretch of an ex-husband - who, I might add, will not be seeing the light of day until the very end of his extensive sentence, if then."

Santana sighed, "I would prefer that you not mention him..." She cleared her throat trying to find her strength to not fall into the emotional pit that normally came with any thought of her former husband or her life before Rachel. "He is none of your concern. I... I would prefer if he was never mentioned again. It's just too much for me, for Rachel and for the kids... just respect that okay?" Santana cleared her throat and looked away trying to not show weakness in front of the one woman who could tear her down.

Sue sighed, straightening and crossing her arms over her chest, "You have no concept of just _how_ much I respect that fact, Lopez, or the things I have set in motion to ensure that little preference of yours will be carried out as thoroughly as possible. Now, your _daughter_ - though why you insist on calling her that when you have no legal ties to her is beyond me - has a great deal of potential and you are restricting her by completely eliminating an avenue of success without even considering it."

"First of all, she is legally my child now. Rachel and I signed the papers over the weekend with my lawyer." Santana pointed out with a small smile, she was honestly happy with the turn of events, that the children could now depend on her for more than just finances; that she was a parent. "Secondly, Kayla likes doing gymnastics, but she does not like competing. She, out of all the children, does not want the spotlight. She does not want all eyes on her, so I doubt the Cheerios are right for her. She just wants to be a kid, believe me when I tell you that and leave her alone."

"She is?" Sue actually looked surprised for a moment, "Well, congratulations are in order then, I suppose." She regarded Santana apprasingly for a long moment, "You've changed, significantly, since high school, Santana. I never would have expected you to join forces with Streisand and I most certainly never would have expected to see you looking something that I would almost consider to be disgustingly _happy_ at the concept of becoming the parent of three children who aren't biologically yours. You surprise me."

"Yeah well, me and Rachel have been together for like three years... We're planning on having a child together, so making everyone legally bound to each other only made sense." Santana explained, "Sue, understand that Kayla will never be a Cheerio and you are more than welcome to stay in my life..." She said softly, looking up at the older woman.

For a moment, Sue's eyes seemed to soften as she regarded the woman. "I suppose that is your final decision, then? Leave the girl be or be pushed out of your life just as much as I was pushed out of Q and B's lives?" Her lips twitched slightly in a frown of almost sadness before narrowing back to her familiar scowl, "I suppose if I'm not needed or welcome, then it would be best for me to remove myself from the situation, wouldn't it. Well, all I wanted to do was offer the kid a chance to follow in your footsteps, but I see now that you regret ever walking with me." She nodded - and if there was a trace of suspicious dampness in her blue eyes, she failed to acknowledge the weakness that would cause it, "Very well."

Santana rolled her eyes and walked over to Sue. "Dear god, you're worse than Rachel." She laughed slightly, "Just because Quinn and Brittany are idiots, doesn't mean I am. All I said was Kayla doesn't wanna be a Cheerio." Santana moved her head to the side, "I never said I didn't want you to be around, just back off the kids."

Sue narrowed her eyes, cocking her head slightly to the side, "Very well. I won't _directly_ attempt to interest them in cheerleading, but I _refuse_ to not discuss it if they come to _me_!" Her lips twitched slightly in something like a smile, "I'll even go so far as to promise to not attempt to subvert my promise in the same manner Streisand's mother did her similar promise to the hobbit's fathers."

Santana looked confused for a moment. "Um... okay?" she said, not really sure what the older woman was saying. "I think that would be okay."

"Good." There was an actual smile hinting about the cheerleading coach's lips, "I would hug you, but I don't want to muss my clothing." She straightened her track suit's top, "This is Armani after all."

"Right. I must have missed their fashion week showing of ﾑGym Teacher' chic." Santana rolled her eyes and she shook her head. "It's been nice seeing you, please feel free to use the door to leave unless you really wanna scale the wall again."

"Again?" Sue scoffed, "I never use the same route twice. It's too predictable. Well, I have more future Cheerios to recruit, so I'll be leaving. Oh, and Santana?" She paused in the door, glancing back with a smirk, "I would recommend investing in a better air freshener in here if you're going to insist on doing nasty things with Streisand. It smells like debauchery and lust in here."

Santana just laughed softly and shook her head as she sat back down and logged back into her computer.

* * *

><p>Rachel hadn't much wanted to stay home that day, but with Mina getting everything ready for her and Ajay's youngest son's tenth birthday party, she couldn't really expect her to watch her children as well as her own when they got home from school. Especially not when all three - and Alex had been especially excited to get his own invitation - of them had been invited to join in the festivities, leaving her time alone with her girlfriend - a rare commodity but one she cherished. But Ajay had already collected the three rascals - with a promise to bring them home safely the next morning - and that left her to curl up in an old college t-shirt of Santana's in their bed with her iPad to wait for her lover to come home.<p>

She pondered the screen, carefully typing in information on a third page as she flipped between the two previous. Santana had shown her the two potential donors she'd narrowed it down to the day after admitting she'd been looking and she'd been spending much of her free time carefully compiling pro and con lists for both of the two men ever since. This was going to be _their_ baby and she desperately wanted everything to be okay.

Nibbling on the back of her stylus, she flipped between the pages again. Donor A seemed almost perfect... except he was approaching seven foot tall. Exceedingly tall for the pair of them. The other was only 5'10", but she still fretted. She wanted to know if they'd been scanned for the various diseases prominent in the Ashkenazi population - she didn't know how Santana could bear it if the child developed something as awful as Tay-Sachs or Canavan. She knew she was likely being irrational - they _were_ genetic diseases after all and she was fairly certain Santana wasn't a carrier for any of them - but she couldn't help but worry. She was nearly at the point of wondering if possibly Santana should pick someone who wasn't of her ethnic heritage at all for the child when she heard the front door opening.

"Santana?" She called out, reasonably certain it was the other woman, "I'm in the bedroom."

Santana came into the bedroom and quickly stripped out of her work clothing. She didn't bother to put anything over her panties and bra as she crawled into the bed. "Hey, baby," She kissed Rachel's head, "Did the munchkins head to the party already?" She asked as she flopped down next to her girlfriend and stretched.

Rachel laughed, setting aside her iPad and snuggling close to get a proper kiss from her girlfriend, "Ajay picked them up with a promise to keep them all night long about an hour ago. It's just you and me tonight."

The darker girl smirked, "Awesome." She smiled, "Cuz, having kids around really makes our sexing a lot quieter than I'd like." She winked and slipped her arms around Rachel's waist. She moved over to kiss Rachel more when her knee hit Rachel's iPad. "Baby, if you want electronics in bed all you gotta do is ask." She nipped slightly at Rachel's lip.

"Actually," Rachel spoke softly, her eyes falling closed with a soft whimper at the tug on her lip, "I was comparing the two donors you'd narrowed your choices down to." She let her hands slip over her girlfriend's sides, loving the feel of the soft, warm skin and how the smooth muscles moved under her hands, the slight roughness as her fingers encountered Santana's bra, "I want to make the best choice when it comes to the donor for our baby, Santana."

"Mmm." Santana said as she let her lips move to Rachel's neck, "I think that I like that idea. But you know that you are the final choice and your pro and con lists are gonna make you take forever to make a choice."

"Not for," Rachel gasped as Santana hit her favorite place on her neck, "forever. I just want to maximize," she whimpered softly, "the chances for a healthy child that's as much like - _ah!_ - both of us as possible!" Her hands slid along the edge of smooth skin and slightly rough cloth to the clasp on her back, fingers fumbling it loose. "My lists are a perfectly ac-" she couldn't help a low moan as Santana nipped at her pulse point, "acceptable to discover that."

Santana pulled her bra off and tossed it onto the floor before returning to her spot on the other woman's neck. "Your lists are very good." She smiled, sucking gently on Rachel's neck. "Have you come up with a decision yet?" She asked as she rolled over onto the smaller girl's hips and straddled her.

Rachel's hands slid over Santana's stomach to cup her breasts, squeezing gently as she smiled up at her girlfriend. "Almost," she murmured, "I'm leaning towards Donor B. He's small like us, unlike the nearly Finn-like giant of Donor A." She rolled Santana's nipples between her thumb and forefingers, loving the feel of them hardening under her touch, the slight pebbling of her aureoles. She licked her lips, watching her hands, "Have I mentioned lately that I am completely and utterly in love with you lately? Because I am."

Santana's head rolled back slightly, her long hair reaching down her back as she rocked her hips unconsciously as Rachel manipulated her breasts. "Donor B is good, but Donor A plays piano, drums, clarinet and sax..." She whimpered, her lip moving to rest between her teeth. "And Donor B only dances."

"I don't mind a child who only dances as long as I'm not reminded of Finn by their sheer height every time I look at them," Rachel chuckled, sitting up as best she could to take one of the nipples that had been tempting her into her mouth and sucking, rolling her tongue around the tip as she looked up at Santana with a smile. Pulling away after a moment with a soft pop, she licked her lips with a smile, "Besides, Donor B is also a small but attractive athlete... like you, love." She let her lips close around the thus far neglected nipple, her hand rolling the breast she'd just left, nipple delightfully hard against her palm.

"S-sounds," she whimpered, looking down at her girlfriend as she lathed her nipples with her tongue, "like you made, _fuck_, your decision." She licked her lips and moved to run her fingers through Rachel's hair. "You want donor B."

Rachel let up on Santana's breasts so she could speak, continuing to massage them with her hands the way she knew her lover liked best, "Donor B does have all the criteria for an optimal donor." She nipped at Santana's collarbone, "As well as offering a full genetic screening to ensure our baby's safe from the more unfortunate parts of my heritage." She pinched at the nipples under her hands, biting hard enough to mark the top of Santana's left breast. "I admit, I was decidedly worried about that until I noticed the note on his profile offering it. Donor A doesn't."

Santana moaned and nodded, "Sounds perfect." she leaned down and kissed Rachel with fervor as she pushed her girlfriend back. "I want you to be happy with the sperm donor." She smiled and nipped her lip. "I just want you to be happy."

Rachel was more than willing to let Santana push her back down to the bed, smiling up at her. "I _am_ happy," she whispered, leaning up slightly to capture her lips again. "You're here, I love you, and you want to have a baby with me. I don't know how I can possibly be happier right now."

Santana slid down the bed and rested between the other woman's legs. She smiled and ran her hands up the smaller girl's thighs as she pressed kisses where the old shirt exposed smooth skin. "I like when you wear my shirt." She smirked, tugging it up a few centimeters and pressing more kisses to Rachel's thighs.

"I," Rachel moaned softly, her legs spreading almost unconsciously for her lover, "I like wearing your shirt. It," she whimpered, her back arching slightly, hips canting up towards Santana, "it makes me feel close to you when you're gone."

Santana ran her tongue against the hem of the shirt, she looked up and smiled as she moved up and found the smaller woman's panties and dragged the fabric down her thighs with her teeth. Rachel whimpered and arched her hips up to facilitate Santana's removal of her underwear. Her hands slid down her own thighs to tangle in her lover's hair, nails scraping gently against her scalp.

"Oh god," she groaned, one hand leaving Santana's hair to run up her body, drawing her shirt up so she could cup one of her breasts in her hand, lightly pinching and rolling her nipple, "Santana, please don't tease. You don't know how badly I've wanted you since you kissed me awake and left me wanting _all day_. Please just _touch me_..."

Santana licked her lips slowly, watching her girlfriend as she toyed with her own breasts. "Of course, baby." She smiled, as she parted her girlfriend's thighs and leaned in and dragged her tongue slowly up the cleft of Rachel's slit. She moaned as she encountered the profuse wetness pooling between the other woman's lips and she moved to swipe her tongue again, and again as she ran her fingers up and down the woman's legs.

Rachel whined and rolled her hips. "Santana, _please_! I _need_ you, love." Her skin was starting to feel like it was on fire wherever Santana touched and she could barely think past the pounding of blood in her ears and the pulsing heat pooling in the pit of her belly.

Without any warning, she slid her tongue into the woman's channel as she moaned at the taste of her lips and tongue covered with Rachel's essence. She rolled her tongue and slid her fingers up to gently tease her clit as she fucked her slowly. Rachel moaned and arched her hips, both hands having slid up to massage her breasts as her hips rolled with Santana's tongue sliding in and out of her body, Santana's shirt a band pressing against the tops of her breasts.

"Oh..." she moaned, the inhibition that kept her relatively quiet when the children were home gone, "Oh _God_, Santana! Fu-" Her eyes clinched as a particularly strong wave hit her, "_Fuck_! Yes! Santana, yes, _please_!"

Santana quickly replaced her tongue with two fingers as she moved her lips up to the quivering nub and took it between her lips as she began to suck softly. Her fingers moved slowly, on every third thrust curling to hit the rough spot deeply hidden inside her girlfriend's core. She sucked slowly and let her tongue write out words on her girlfriend's clit as she did so.

Rachel groaned and writhed, barely able to cling to the edge as her girlfriend played her body. Her legs wrapped around Santana's shoulders, heels pressing against her back as her hands became rougher with her breasts, pinching and rolling her nipples, tugging them. She was beyond words, nearly beyond consciousness. She teetered on the edge of orgasm, every brush sending her closer to falling over the precipice, but she held on, wanting desperately for the moment to last as long as possible. Her muscles were quivering with the effort she was putting into holding off her orgasm.

Santana pulled away, licking her lips as she sped up her fingers. "Fuck, baby." She whimpered as she continued to push her fingers deep into her girlfriend. "You're so sexy," She bit Rachel's thigh as she continued fucking her, "Tell me what you want, Rae." She growled as she doubled her speed.

She barely managed to pry her eyes open and gasp out an answer, "T-tell me you love me and... and," her hands cupped her breasts, pushing them up, "suck my tits..."

Santana groaned as she moved herself off Rachel to take off her panties and slid herself back in between Rachel's thighs. She manoeuvred them so Rachel's core was pressed against hers and she began to rub back and forth against her with soft grunts. She leaned up and kissed Rachel, making sure that she could taste the abundant essence spread across her lips. "I love you," Santana whispered, her lips brushing Rachel's as she spoke. She kissed down Rachel's neck until she hit the bunched up top. She moved below it and roughly took a nipple into her mouth and sucked _hard_.

Rachel couldn't stop the wordless cry that burst from her lips as she fell over the edge or the way it descended into breathless gasps of her lover's name. The orgasm exploding through her, leaving her muscles quaking and almost weak as she continued to move as best she could against Santana. She could feel the warm moisture of her climax flooding between them, combining with Santana's essence and slicking their skin as she moaned into her girlfriend's mouth, somehow catching her lower lip between her teeth and tugging.

Santana smiled as she held onto her and held her as she shook. "You're so hot." She whispered against the sweating woman's neck and kissed gently as she continued to shake. "I love you so much." She whimpered, running her fingers through Rachel's sweat matted hair as the woman came down from her high.

Rachel panted against Santana, clutching to her as the lingering vestiges of her climax shuddered through her. "I love you too," she murmured against tanned skin, "and, if you'll allow me," her fingers slipped down from her shoulders to trace patterns over the sides of Santana's breasts, "I would like to show you a little of just how much I do." One hand slid down the smooth plane of her lover's abdomen to tease the top of her mound as she nibbled and sucked gently over Santana's pulse point.

"Y-yeah." Santana stumbled, her hips rocking slowly against Rachel's core again. She hated feeling like a guy, only getting her girl off to come herself, so she tried to not give into her pleasure when Rachel was recovering... but when Rachel offered, her resolve collapsed. She moaned softly as she looped her arm around Rachel's neck and continued to rock slowly.

"I love being able to do this," Rachel whispered against her neck, fingers slipping between them to rub at Santana's clit, "being able to bring you to climax after you've ignited me. Being able to," she caught her lip between her teeth as she carefully wiggled her hand between them until she could slide two fingers into her lover, carefully sliding in and out while trying not to put too much pressure against her own exceedingly sensitive core, "make love to you while my body still trembles from what you've done to me..."

"Oh. Fuck." Santana whimpered softly as she rocked her hips into Rachel's hand. She slowly rode Rachel's fingers as she rested her head against Rachel's. She fought to catch her breath as she kept her eyes locked with her girlfriend's as she started to clench around her fingers. "N-not gonna last long." She said softly as she tried to hold on to lucidity and not give into her orgasm.

"That's okay," Rachel whispered, smiling against her neck before nibbling on her earlobe, "I love how you look when you come for me. So beautiful." She pressed a kiss to the corner of her jaw, almost gasping as their breasts rubbed against each other as she pumped carefully in and out of her lover, curling her fingers to drag over her g-spot with each stroke. "Come for me, Santana," she breathed in her ear, twisting her wrist awkwardly to be able to stroke her clit with her thumb as she slid a third finger carefully into her and picked up the speed of her thrusts a little.

Santana squeaked as her body went into overload with pleasure. She clutched onto Rachel as she shook violently in her lover's arms. "Fuck..." she whimpered as she nuzzled into Rachel's neck and clenched around the woman's fingers. Santana was almost always silent in bed, but her actions weren't dejecting since her orgasms almost always left marks on her lover's body. Santana's hands clutched into Rachel's skin, leaving a trail of red marks down her back as she came hard. "Rae!" She breathed out softly.

Rachel moaned into her neck, doing her best to continue moving her hand through Santana's orgasm. She knew she was going to have bruises - faint, but definitely there - in the morning from Santana's grip on her, but the fact just made her smile. It wasn't that she liked being hurt but being aware of just what the cause of the tiny aches was made each little twinge as they healed another reminder of how much she loved her fiery lover. "I love you so much," she whispered into her neck, wrapping her free arm around her back to hold her close as she eased them back down to the bed.


	35. Chapter 35: Doctor

**Chapter 35**

It was never _easy_ leaving the children behind with someone else while Santana and her left for somewhere - she much preferred to have them along whenever possible - but it was easier when they were with family like Beth. And then there was the _reason_ they had to leave them that day. Rachel reached over and took Santana's hand, holding it between the two chairs in the nicely appointed office and giving it a gentle squeeze as she offered the pale woman a soft smile.

"Hey, girlfriend," she whispered, stroking her thumb over the back of her lover's hand, "are you okay?"

Santana was nervous. Honest to god nervous. "What if it doesn't work?" she asked softly. "If it doesn't take? Or I miscarry? I can't... I can't do that again, Rachel."

"If it doesn't take this time, then we try again," Rachel brought Santana's hand up to her lips and kissed it softly, "Just like we would if we were a straight couple trying for a child, though admittedly, this method is less fun, but we can always try the traditional method as often as you'd like." She winked at Santana, "And if the worst happens... I'm here. I won't leave you alone, sweetheart. I promise you, no matter what, I'm going to be right here beside you."

Santana exhaled sharply, "I know..." she whispered, "I don't know how to deal with the thought of loosing another child. Am I being selfish wanting this? We have three kids, that should be enough!" she looked shaken and very much fighting demons in her head about wanting a baby.

"Santana," Rachel's voice was soothing as she tried to calm her girlfriend, "you're right that we have three children - three _wonderful_ children, I like to think - but we share them with Jesse. This baby though..." she kissed her hand again, smiling warmly at the nervous woman, "This baby is going to be _ours_, Santana. Just you and me. You still want that, right? You want to have a baby with me still, right?"

"Yes, you know I do..." she whispered back, as she looked to the floor her hair falling in front of her eyes. "I just... I feel... I'm scared," she admitted. "I can't deal with losing a baby, not after everything... Not after I know what happened with Alejandra."

"And that's not going to happen here." Rachel stated firmly, squeezing Santana's hand and reaching over to lift her chin so she'd meet her eyes, "I am not Tobias. I am your girlfriend, the person who is going to be the second parent to your child and who loves you more than anyone with the possible exception of _our_ children. And I am going to make _certain_ that you are treated with all the love and respect that an expectant mother deserves." She smiled softly, her thumb tracing over Santana's cheek, "I'm going to take care of you, beautiful, and you are going to have a _beautiful_ child."

"_We_ are going to have a beautiful child," she reminded the diva. She took her hand and smiled. "I'm just nervous." she sighed as she looked to her girlfriend and took a breath when she heard her name get called.

Rachel chuckled, "No, I believe I had it right. You are going to _have_ our child, I'm just the cheerleader this time around." She leaned over and quickly kissed her lover's cheek before they stood to head in, "I love you, Santana. You're going to be an amazing mother and I am so glad I get to be the one beside you."

She nodded and tugged Rachel's hand as she headed into the room. She took the gown when offered it and quickly changed into the thin paper-like gown. "I'm almost relieved that the bite marks you left on my thighs are faded... don't want the doctor to think I'm a slut..." she smiled trying to make light of the situation.

Rachel laughed, a blush coloring her cheeks as she helped her up on the table, "Don't worry. If they hadn't - or if the doctor is foolish enough to ask - I am fully prepared to take full ownership of making you a - hopefully - completely satisfied woman." She leaned up and kissed Santana, smiling against her lips, hands resting lightly on her lover's thighs.

The sound of someone clearing their throat behind her made her pull away with a blush and a little jump. The doctor - an older woman with a wry grin and greying hair and a name-tag that said "Dr Winters" - chuckled, coming fully into the examination room and closing the door behind her, "Let's not jump the gun, ladies. While you are taking the first step on bringing a new life into the world, there's no need to be quite so literal." She stepped to the counter, setting her clipboard down and washing her hands before pulling on a pair of gloves, "So, Santana, ready to become a mother-to-be?"

"Y-yes?" she replied, tilting her head to the side as she did so. "I mean I wouldn't be here If I didn't..." she looked at Rachel nervously.

Rachel just smiled and held her hand having become use to Dr. Winters' humor during the various phone calls she'd made to the specialist to relieve her own worries regarding Santana's upcoming pregnancy. The doctor laughed and walked over to the table, patting Santana's knee and pulling the stirrups up on the table. "Don't worry, dear. There's no need to be so nervous, I assure you. This is a fairly simple procedure and I'm feeling very good about this being a viable pregnancy. I also," she winked at Rachel, "have the feeling you have a very attentive partner who will do just about anything for you. So just lay back and let's get you knocked up, shall we?"

Rachel blushed, ducking her head as she squeezed Santana's hand. "I'm right here, Santana. I'm not going anywhere."

"I just... I'm worried about the scarring... Like I have some damage and my daughter died and I don't think I can handle that... I couldn't..." she bit her lip as she held Rachel's hand. She hated feeling weak but she was honestly more scared then ever before.

Dr. Winters pulled the stool over and sat on it looking up at Santana, "Well, first of all, let me reassure you that what happened with your daughter wasn't your fault, Santana. We ran every possible test and I can see nothing on any of the results that would indicate that you should have trouble carrying a child to full term. From what I understand from the circumstances involved, you were being abused and your mind and body were under far more stress than a person should have to undergo. Now, Rachel here has reassured me - quite vehemently I might add," Rachel blushed darkly, turning to bury her face in Santana's shoulder, "that she is going to do her best to eliminate as much stress as she possibly can from your life."

"We're going to have you in here every few weeks checking on your progress, Santana." The doctor squeezed Santana's knee reassuringly, "I can assure you that while I may crack wise to try and relax my patients, I am highly qualified in my field and I am going to doing my best to make certain your child is safe and comes into this world noisy and healthy in nine months. Okay?"

"Okay." Santana nodded, laying back as she watched as the doctor began to wash up and get the tools together. She pressed a kiss to Rachel's head and closed her eyes, trying to relax as she breathed in the soft smell of Rachel mixed with the laundry soap that reminded her of the children. She felt the now masked doctor return between her legs and begin the process of implantation.

"I love you so much," Rachel whispered in her ear, squeezing her hand, "I am so proud of you for taking this chance with me. Every day, you somehow manage to make me even more amazed and grateful that I have you in my life."

"I love you too." she blinked away tears that were falling out her of her brown eyes. "Tell me everything will be okay? That in 9 months we will have a little baby and it will be okay?"

"It will be _better_ than okay, Santana." Rachel smiled softly at her, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips, "It will be _perfect_. And in nine months, we're going to say hello to our baby and get to hold them for the first time." She brushed Santana's hair back with a soft smile, trying to ignore what was happening between her lover's legs, "And you're going to have Alex climbing in your lap to hold them just thrilled to be a big brother like Cale is. Cale and Kayla are big now, so they'll have to wait for their turns to greet their new baby brother or sister, of course."

"They'll be okay? Kayla won't resent me? And Cale will be okay with everything. I love them so much and I don't want them to be upset."

"Of course, they will. You're part of this family, Santana. And it's only right and proper that the newest member of our family comes from you." Rachel combed her fingers through her hair.

"There we are!" Dr Winters grinned up at them and patted Santana's knee, "You just lie still for a few minutes to give everything a chance to settle in and you'll be good to go." She rolled over to the counter, peeling off her gloves and tossing them into the disposal bin before jotting a few things down on her clipboard. "We'll just make an appointment for you to come back in in a couple of weeks to do the test to insure it took this time, but other than that, you are well on your way to being pregnant, Santana." She smiled at Santana. "How does it feel?"

"Awkward..." she said looking at the doctor, "like you just jammed some sperm into my vag..." she shook her head with a laugh. "This is so strange," she laid back and waited to hear the door close.

"Please tell me the baby making you partook in was a lot more romantic and pleasurable than this?" she asked with a pout.

"Mmm," Rachel murmured, "It was, but I believe we could make up for that after my fathers come to take the children for the weekend if you'd like." She traced her fingers over Santana's arm with a suggestive smile, "If you feel up to it, anyway. I feel particularly attracted to you knowing you could be carrying our future child inside of you and would most sincerely like to make slow, romantic love to the mother of our child."

Santana smirked and leaned over and kissed Rachel soundly. "I think that sounds perfect," she whispered, her lips nipped at Rachel's gently. "I want to fuck you so bad... I wish that you could have been the one to impregnate me," she said shyly, "but having you here, and knowing how much you want this... It makes everything worth it."

"Also, you need to ask the doctor when we can have sex. I don't wanna like detach the baby or whatever it is that the egg is doing up there." she motioned awkwardly to her pelvic region as she spoke.

"Well, as I understand it the traditional waiting period is two weeks," Rachel shrugged with a thoughtful expression, "I suppose we could wait that long until I can touch you if you'd like, though I admit I may have some difficulty maintaining my determination towards giving you the slow, romantic sex I wish to after such a drought. You're rather addicting after all, love."

Santana looked like someone had slapped her. "Two...two _weeks_!" she gasped, "I don't think I can manage that. Maybe you can just like lick my clit and not put anything inside me or whatever... cuz for fuck stakes... two weeks?"

Rachel did her best to not laugh at the outrage on her lover's face, "I did say that's _traditional_, Santana. Some doctors recommend waiting as long as _three_ weeks before engaging in sexual relations, after all. From what I've read on the subject - and I assure you, I have been reading as much as I could find on the subject once you revealed to me that you would be interested in having a child with me - there is a theory that the uterine contractions associated with orgasm could interfere with the early stages of implantation."

"B-but. Normal ways of getting knocked up involve orgasms!" Santana was astounded, "Please, please tell me you're kidding? Because I don't know if I can wait three weeks, Rachel. It's ether that or your pussy is gonna be really sore because I'm gonna take out some serious sexual frustration on you." Santana crossed her arms and looked sternly at her lover.

"Exciting as that sounds," Rachel couldn't resist the smile curling her lips, though she did - just barely - manage to restrain the entirely inappropriate giggle that was threatening to break free, "perhaps you'd be interested in the school of thought that says there's no reason to wait more than a couple of days." She let her fingers trail lightly down the front of Santana's thin hospital gown, "Do you think you might prefer following their recommendation? Do you think you could wait until the weekend?"

"I hate you sometimes." Santana pouted as she snatched the woman's hand from her body. "You're mean and like to toy with my emotions." She kissed Rachel's palm and nodded before laying back. "I can wait... but you're getting fucked tonight one way or another I'm all angsty and nervous now." She pouted and threaded their fingers together as she looked at the other woman.

Rachel stopped trying to hold back her laughter, bursting out in joyous noise as she wiped away the happy tears sneaking out of her eyes, "Oh, love, you can use my body to take out any frustrations you may feel." She smiled lovingly down at her, "I do love the things you do to me, after all. And once my fathers steal the children away, I'm going to do my best to make you feel just as loved and beautiful and amazing and sexy as the mother of our child should feel." She let the backs of her fingers drift over Santana's cheek.

"You better, plus you gotta love me up while i'm still skinny." She smirked and leaned up to kiss rachel softly. "You should be warned that we will never be alone ever again with four kids under 12." She teased and rested back and looked at the wall with pictures of smiling babies. "Our baby will be up there," Santana smiled, and looked back to the woman holding her hand. "Our beautiful little baby."

"They will," Rachel smiled up at the wall, "the most beautiful of all of them. Though, just so you know, _I_," she glanced back down at her lover with a smirk, "have every intention of _loving up_ on you when you're big with our baby as I am more than aware you will definitely want. God, I thought I was trapped in a near _constant_ state of arousal when I started getting big. It was _terribly_ frustrating and," she blushed, "I may have tried to rationalize my initial sexual attraction towards you as being directly related to the hormonal state I was in carrying Alex at the time."

Santana looked at her and blinked several times. "You mean," She said lifting her head off the parchment paper mat. "We could have been having sex during the year I was trying to court you and be your friend and not be a creeper lesbian preying on you?" She just shook her head and groaned, "Communication is a fail in this situation. We could have been having a lot more sex, Rachel."

"Well, no, not then," Rachel smiled sadly, her voice soft, "I may have been almost painfully aware of how attracted I was to you even as early as the day you stole me away to go to the spa - in my defense, you _are_ exceedingly attractive and it was the first time I'd seen you wearing quite so little - but... Jesse was dying. I couldn't, Santana... I had to let him go and learn to live without him before I could let you into my life in that fashion. I'm sorry..."

"Baby." Santana said softly, "I know. I know you weren't ready. We waited for a long time because we _both_ needed to figure out what we wanted. I love you. And I love that I could be there for you when you were going through hell. I did it because I loved you not because I wanted to get into your pants..." she smiled slyly, "Although I did enjoy it very much when I finally could get into your pants."

"Santana," Rachel scolded softly slapping her shoulder, but smiling as she did it. "You can be so terribly crude. But I'm still grateful you were there. I wouldn't have made it through everything if you hadn't been. And, though I wish very very much it had never happened," she leaned down to kiss her softly, "I'm so very glad I was able to be there for you when you needed me. I love you more than I love my life, Santana Lopez. Sometimes I feel like I always have. And this life we're creating right now?" She shook her head with a slow smile as if she was unable to believe it was really happening, "They're going to be amazing and I can't wait to stand beside you in that delivery room the way you did for me when Alex was born."

"I'm very scared to push a baby out my junk..." she said kinda nervously, "but yeah I've never been happier than how I am with you. I'm really blessed."

"I'm the one who's blessed," Rachel responded with a cheeky grin, "I get to make sweet love to the mother of our child who just happens to be my beautiful guardian angel. I do believe I win." She winked at Santana as Dr. Winters knocked on the door and poked her head back in.

"Okay, lovebirds, you've waited long enough. Time for Mama to be here to get dressed so you can head home and revel in your impending familial expansion. And remember, Santana, nothing strenuous for at _least_ twenty four hours and I'd recommend holding off on the sex until we get a positive read on the pregnancy test so we're sure it took."

"How long till we know?" Santana asked as she sat up and grabbed her clothing. "LIke how long... til I'm pregnant?" She asked as she worried her lip. Nervous about the result, but more worried about when the next time she could have sex. She got up and went behind the partition and quickly got dressed before coming out and fixing her hair.

Dr. Winters smirked, having a fair idea of why Santana was asking, "Well, the earliest we should be able to detect whether or not this session worked is about two weeks..."

"Rachel read on the internet that it was okay!" she gaped, her eyes comically wide as she looked between the two other people in the room. "What the... she did lots of reading on the subject! It's not like she's a dude... with dude parts! If she was damn we wouldn't need you!"

Dr Winters laughed, "Santana, it's a recommendation, not an order. If you feel comfortable with the activity, then you can decide on your own whether or not it's right for you. But I _am_ giving you an order to _rest_ for at least a day, preferably two. And just because you're in bed doesn't make sex resting. Just take it easy and avoid too much stress and everything will likely be fine. This isn't the 2010s any more, girls. IVF is fairly successful these days. It's possible that you should be more concerned with the possibility of a multiple birth than a non-viable one after all."

"Cause going for a fourth when there are already three kids in the house isn't crazy enough." Santana joked, "Baby, if we have twins, we're gonna have to move to the suburbs and you know how that scares me." She smiled and put on her scarf, "Also, Dr. Winters. Never joke about sex with me. I take it very, _very_ seriously."

The doctor merely raised an amused eyebrow. "I see that. I'm certain Rachel will see to setting up your appointment, so I'll see you in two weeks, Santana. Rachel, you had best take good care of your girl, alright?"

Rachel wrapped an arm around Santana's waist ducking under her arm and smiling up at her fondly, "The very best, Dr Winters."

"Good to hear. I know you'll call me with any questions so enjoy the rest of your day, take it easy for the next couple of days, and I'll see you both in two weeks. And Santana, if it didn't take this time, don't worry, we can just try again. You will become pregnant. I promise."

"I'll hold you to that, doc." Santana smiled walking out with Rachel, she smiled And called a taxi for them when they got outside. Santana pressed a soft kiss to Rachel's lips when she got off the phone. "Thank you for being here."

Rachel chuckled softly, snuggling into her lover's side as they waited for the cab. "Where else do you think I'd be but right by your side as you are impregnated with _our_ child? It would be simply wrong to allow you to do that on your own just because I can't physically do the task myself. Though," she leaned up to kiss Santana's cheek; whispering in her ear, "I certainly don't mind _trying_. They say practice makes perfect after all." She dropped back down on her heels, waggling her eyebrows with a playful smirk.

"Give it two days and we can attempt all you want." she smiled as she looked at her girlfriend. The yellow taxi came and she held the door open and slid in after Rachel. "So... We might need to move. We don't have enough bedrooms unless we refurbish the 3rd floor for Kayla and Cale?"

"Third floor? The storage area?" Rachel thought about it, "That... could work. I," she blushed, glancing up shyly, "I don't really want to move. There are a lot of exceptionally fond memories in that house after all."

"Good. Because I really love that house." she smiled and quickly tapped an email out on her iPhone. "I'll find a contractor tomorrow." she wrapped her arm around Rachel and looked out the window. "I wonder if the boys conned Beth into letting them watch more TV then allowed?"

Rachel laughed softly, resting her head on Santana's shoulder, "I really wouldn't be surprised. Likely those dreadful Batman shows you love so much. I'm sure between her and Kayla though they haven't been too much trouble."

"Don't hate on the Batman, woman." Santana laughed softly, "I know you watch it when they do. I see you laughing." She moved to grab her wallet and pay the driver when they rolled up to their street. "Let's go check on the brood." She paid and got out of the car and headed to the door, she pushed it open. "CHILDREN! Make yourselves present!" Santana hollered as she unlocked it and kicked off her shoes.

"In the living room, Aunt San!"

They heard Beth calling out from further in the house. Heading in they found the lot of them sprawled on or around Beth on the couch, the boys apparently asleep while Kayla and her poured over what looked like a photo album open on Cale's back where he laid with his head in Beth's lap. The two girls looked up with a smile as the women walked in.

"Hi, Rachel, Aunt San," Beth had taken to calling Santana her aunt a few weeks ago - claiming she didn't really have one and it was weird enough having one sister that was old enough to be her mom, "I'm sorry we didn't come to the door but the guys are, like, passed out and Kay and I were totally checking out this photo album from when you and Jesse were in college, Rachel. I hope you don't mind..."

Rachel smiled, coming over to drop a kiss to the top of the teenager's head, "That's quite alright, Beth. The albums are there to look at after all."

Santana smiled as she looked over the children to the album in Beth's lap. "They look cute together don't they." She said and poked the tip of Kayla's nose. "Kayla looks so much like her dad, don't you think Beth?" the woman's head tilted to the side and she admired her daughter. "I think Cale looks more like Rachel and Alexander... well.. I'm not really sure _who_ he looks like, but he's kinda cute too i guess." Santana teased and kissed Kayla's head before moving away from the couch.

"I don't look like a _boy_ like Daddy, Santi!" Kayla yelped, little face twisted with outrage, "Take it back!"

Santana wrapped her arms around the girl and smiled, "You are a gorgeous girl." She said as she rocked them back and forth. "You are beautiful and much like your daddy, you have a beautiful soul and that's what I love about you." Santana kissed Kayla's temple before pulling away with a smile. "Beth, I do believe your _mother_ is coming over for dinner in like an hour so you might want to wash that eyeliner off before she sees it."

Beth yelped and scrambled off the couch as quickly as she could without disrupting the boys using her lap as a pillow. "Oh my gosh, we were playing dress up earlier and I totally forgot! Thanks for reminding me, Aunt San!"

"Mmhm. I was your age once!" She called after the girl and headed into the bedroom to lay down. She carefully laid on the bed as she heard Rachel starting dinner. She put her hands on her stomach and prayed softly, "Please god, _please_, do this for me and Rachel." She whispered to herself as she looked up to the ceiling. She didn't hear Kayla come into the room and gently climb onto the bed and next to her step-mother. Santana noticed her and and smiled. "Hey pretty girl. What's going on? Did you have fun with Beth today?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded, watching Santana rub her stomach, "Santi, did you and Mama go to the doctor to make a baby like you said?" She looked worried, nibbling her lower lip in unconscious imitation of her mother, "I don't have to go away, right? I still fit and... and you and Mama are still gonna love me, right?"

Santana sat up and pulled the little girl into her body and snuggled her. "We did and we're not sure it's gonna work... but it might then i'm gonna need you right here," she kissed her head and smiled, "I'm gonna need you because you are amazing and I love you so much. I'm gonna need my friend to help me see my toes when I get really fat, and I'm gonna need my amazing _daughter_ which you are, no matter what biology says, to help her little sister or bother grow up. I think you are the best big sister ever. I will always love you more than anything in the world. Your mom and I? We love you, we love Cale, we love Alex and we will love the littlest baby. We love you all because you are part of our hearts." She smiled and cuddled the little girl as she spoke.

Kayla smiled and whispered a soft okay as she snuggled in against Santana with a little yawn, "Can I stay with you until Mama's done with dinner, Santi?"

"Totally." she leaned down and pulled the blanket over then. She wrapped it around them and she rested her head against Kayla's. "We can take a nap." She yawned, looking down and smiling when she saw that Kayla was already asleep. She watched her for a few moments before falling into slumber a few moments later.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

It had been years now and Shelby _still_ didn't understand why her daughter had opted to move in with that Latina hussy and abandon the home she'd shared with Jesse. She looked up at the brownstone in front of her with a disgusted huff and shake of her head, climbing the cement stairs to ring the buzzer. There had been nothing wrong with the little house in West Orange and it had been the home she'd shared with her _husband_. Not for the first time, Shelby wondered what she'd done to make Rachel so eager to turn her back on the memory of the man who loved her.

Rachel looked up from the dish she was putting the final touches on when she heard the buzzer. "Alex, sweetie," she glanced down at the little boy perched on a kitchen chair coloring, "Go and wake your mommy and sister up for dinner while I see who's at the door, okay?"

"Okay, Mama," the little boy chirped, sliding off the chair and scurrying back to his parents' bedroom as Rachel dried her hands and headed out to the door, brushing her hand over her oldest son's head as he read on the sofa.

Opening the door, she smiled at her estranged mother, stepping aside. "Shelby, how good of you to come. Please, come in and make yourself at home."

"Why thank you, Rachel." Shelby smiled warmly at her as she came in, taking off her coat and handing it to the young mother who opened the closet to hang it up.

* * *

><p>Alex tumbled into the bedroom and hopped and scrambled at the side of the bed until he was able to get up on the bed, waking his sister in the process. He was about to pounce on his mommy when Kayla grabbed him around the waist. "No, 'Lex! Santi's gonna have a baby and you can't jump on her!"<p>

He turned at her with wide eyes, "Really, Kay? Mommy's having baby?"

"Uh-huh. That's why her and Mama went to the doctor and Bethie watched us today. To make a baby." Kayla informed him seriously, "So we gotta be careful with Santi now."

"Okay," he nodded cheerfully with a happy grin, crawling up to carefully shake Santana's shoulder, "Wake up, Mommy. Mama says dinner time."

Santana blinked her eyes open, and smiled up at her son. "Hi, buddy." She said tiredly before kissing his little lips. "Thank you for waking us up, we would have slept right through dinner." She sat up slowly and cracked her back, she could hear the faint voices of adults taking in the hallway. _Shelby_. Santana had forgotten that Rachel and Beth's mother was coming for dinner. She groaned inwardly at he situation she knew she faced for the next few hours. "Come on, little ones," she said, trying to sound chipper. "Let's stop being lazy."

Alex nodded, "Wash hands and _eat_!" He clapped his hands for a second then stopped and leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially at Santana, "You really havin' baby, Mommy? I gonna be big brother like Caley?"

Santana laughed, "I'm trying, baby boy." She said leaning really close so their noses touched. "You're gonna be a big brother and Kayla is gonna be the biggest of sisters someday. I'll let you know when I have the baby in my tummy. Okay?" She smiled and got of bed and helped him down and reached out to take Kayla's hand. "Let's go say hi to Grandma Shelby." She stated as she headed into the hall followed by the kids, Alex running forward and hugging his grandma's leg.

"Gran'ma!" He exclaimed with a squeak, "Hi!" He was excited, physically bouncing on his heels as he greeted Shelby.

"Hello, Shelby." Santana said politely as squeezed Kayla's hand. "Thanks for letting Beth babysit, the kids have a great time with her."

"Hey, baby!" Shelby grinned, picking up the little boy and spinning him around, "Wow, you've gotten so big!" She completely ignored Santana as she focused on her youngest grandchild.

"I _five_ now, Gran'ma!" He held out his hand fully outstretched, grinning widely. "I get to go to school like Cale and Kay!"

"That's amazing, sweetheart!" The older woman bounced him slightly on her hip as she made her way into the dining room, leaning down to give Kayla a kiss on the cheek but brushed past Santana as if she wasn't even there. "Rachel, sweetie, what's for dinner?"

Kayla frowned, chewing on her lip and tugging Santana's hand. "Santi, why was Gramma Shelby mean to you? Mama says it's really rude to ignore people when they talk to you..."

Santana turned to face her daughter. "I'm honestly not sure, Mija. She doesn't like that your mom loves me and... well sometimes people just don't like other people. Don't let it both you, Kayla." She smiled, not comfortable that it had gotten to the point where the _children_ had realized that Shelby hated her.

Kayla nodded and tugged Santana along with her into the kitchen to get the plates and start setting the table for dinner. Rachel glanced over at Santana with a warm - and slightly frustrated at her mother's behavior, which she'd definitely noticed - smile. Crossing the kitchen, she rose up on her tip toes to kiss her lover, her fingers lightly brushing over her stomach. "Thank you for not reacting to her, sweetheart," she murmured, "she's just trying to get a rise out of you but I know you're the better woman."

Shelby acted as if the other two women weren't talking as she listened to Alex babble at her until something he said caught her attention. "What was that, sweetheart?"

"I'm gonna be a big brother!" He cheered, more than happy to repeat the wonderful news, "Mommy's gonna have a baby and I get to be a big brother like Caley!"

"Oh, baby," Shelby murmured, brushing his hair back with a sad smile, "that's just not possible. Your daddy's dead and your mommy isn't married any more so she can't have any more babies."

Alex looked confused, screwing up his face, "No, Gran'ma. Not Mama. _Mommy_! _Mommy_ is gonna have a baby and I'm gonna be a big brother!"

"Who?" Shelby looked puzzled, "Alex, you only have one Mommy." She pointed at Rachel, "That's your Mommy. And your Daddy's dead and gone, little one."

"No! That's _Mama_!" Alex pouted, pointing emphatically at Santana, "That's Mommy!"

Shelby's lips thinned, "She's not your mommy, Alex. She's just a bad woman who's making your mommy live with her."

Alex's face scrunched up and he started crying. "No! Mommy's not bad! Mommy!" He wriggled in Shelby's arms, reaching for Santana.

Santana froze. She didn't know what to say or do the minute she heard Shelby start talking. She pulled away from her girlfriend and quickly went and grabbed her _son_ out of his grandmother's arms.

"Shelby," Santana said in a low, curt tone. "Back. the. hell up. I am so tired of you coming into my home and treating me like I don't even exist. I love Rachel, I love her and Jesse's children... but guess what. We've been together for a long time. I love these kids like my own." She glared at the older brunette. "And yes, I am in the process of giving them another sibling."

Shelby snorted, "Women like you don't know anything about love. You just _use_ people and discard them when you get what you want. You've twisted Rachel, got your claws in my little girl after her _husband_ died while she was still weak and grieving and now you're after my _grandchildren_? I don't think so."

Rachel had enough. "Shelby! How _dare_ you?" She stepped between her family and the woman, hands on her hips and glaring angrily at her. "What makes you think you have _any_ right to come into _our_ home and _insulting_ my _lover_ in front of _our_ children?"

"You're my daughter, Rachel." Shelby didn't even break her glare at Santana for a moment to glance at the furious woman standing between them. "That gives me all the right in the world to protect you from predators like _her_."

Rachel's jaw dropped and she slowly shook her head. "Your daughter? Your _daughter_?" She laughed almost hysterically, "I'm not your daughter! You _gave me up_! Not once but _twice_! And the second time you had the audacity of doing it after you _made_ me seek you out! And then you adopted Quinn's _baby_ right after you rejected me! How am I your _daughter_?"

"By the fact that I carried you for nine months and I gave birth to you." Shelby's gaze finally dropped to Rachel, startled to see that the smaller woman was nearly trembling she was so furious with her mother.

Santana walked away, she moved and handed Alex to Beth in the other room and quietly asked her to occupy the children for a few minutes. She returned and crossed her arms. "Look, I don't know what your damage is. Or what you're fucking grudge is with me but, seriously. Back the fuck down." Santana said as calmly as she could manage. "I've been fine with you ignoring me and hating on me for 5 years. But, that's over now."

She narrowed her eyes and she glared at the older woman. "You are fast approaching a life where you won't see your grandchildren anymore. Rachel doesn't want you around them alone and I'm really close to banning you from _our_ home... Be a flaming bitch if you want, but realize that your actions have consequences."

"And I have tolerated you _manipulating_ my daughter and grandchildren _against_ me for long enough, Santana." Shelby crossed her arms over her chest, her entire posture radiating belligerence. "Don't think I didn't hear all the terrible and vile things you did to Rachel. You expect me to believe that she just _forgave_ you of all that and just _let_ you back in? You expect me to believe that you've _changed_ that much? A tiger doesn't change her stripes, Santana, and neither do _bullies_!"

"Holy fucking god." Santana was blown away. "I was 16 years old! That was over a decade ago! Jesus! Woman, don't you think I know what you did to your _daughter_? Remember, if were playing the who hurt Rachel more game... You will always win. You abandoned her. You got her _late husband_ to trick her into being friends. You're fucking lucky she gave you a second chance."

"Don't _talk_ to me about things you know _nothing_ about, Santana Lopez," Shelby hissed, taking a step towards her. "You think that just because you've tricked my daughter into being some sort of lesbian _freak_ like you -"

"Get out," Rachel's voice was soft as she interrupted, her head down as she trembled.

"What?" Shelby stopped, confused.

"Get out of my home, Shelby. I don't want you here." Rachel slowly raised her head to look directly into her birth mother's eyes, her face pale with rage. "I don't want you around my children. That disgusting sort of behaviour is not _allowed_ in this home. You want to spout hate speech, then you can do it on a box in Central Park if you want but you can not do it in my home!"

"Rachel, baby, you don't mean -"

"Don't tell me what I do or don't mean! You are not my mother! I have two wonderful, loving fathers who were there for me when I needed them! I have a wonderful girlfriend who never left me! Unlike you! You have no right to judge me or my family! So GET OUT OF MY HOME!" Rachel's voice was shrill, tears streaking her face as she pointed imperiously towards the front door.

Santana looked at the floor. Then back up to the woman fuming across from her. Santana sighed as she ran her hand up and down Rachel back trying to comfort her slightly. "Shelby, I'm sorry you hate me. I'm sorry you think I tricked Rachel into falling in love with me." she swallowed and tried to not show up hurt she was. "I love her more than anything in the world. I need you to respect her, and our family." She looked pointedly, "Beth is more than welcome here, we love her and so do the kids... but you have to check with Rachel before you contact our kids again or you come to this house."

"No," Shelby shook her head, smiling disbelievingly as she looked between the two younger woman, "I'm your mother, Rachel. They're my grandchildren. You... you can't seriously be thinking of keeping them away from their grandmother..."

"I can and I am," Rachel's voice was cold, her anger only barely kept in check by the soothing touch of her lover's hand on her back, "You are of no relation to me or my family, Shelby. I want you out of this house and I don't want to hear from you again until you learn to accept that I am in love with this woman. That she is the second mother to my children and that I am having a child with her who will be a younger sibling to the children I was blessed to have by Jesse."

"Rachel..."

"No, Shelby. I'm sick and tired of how you are only around when it's convenient for you. You've done it all my life. Manipulating me into looking for or starting to depend on you and then dropping me or... pulling vile things like this. You will not do it to my children." She pointed at the door again. "Now get out before I call the police and have you arrested for trespassing. Beth is welcome here. She is part of my family. You are not."

She looked at her girlfriend and kept rubbing her back. "Calm down please, Rae," Santana whispered, hating that this was all happening. "It's not worth it," She reminded her. "Shelby, please. For one in her life, please consider Rachel's feelings and do as she wishes."

"I came here to spend time with my family," Shelby whispered, "but I see I was mistaken." She stepped out into the hall and took her coat out of the closet. "I have to go, children. I'm sorry. Beth? Are you coming?"

The teenager looked up from trying to distract Cale and Alex with coloring books. She looked torn. "Mom..." She started, her voice quivering slightly after hearing the hateful things her mother had just said to her sister and her sister's girlfriend. "I want to stay for dinner with Aunt San and Rachel." She said softly, looking over at Kayla who was nervously biting her fingernails. "I told Kayla I'd braid her hair..."

Shelby just looked at her for a long moment then blinked and nodded her head. "Okay," she murmured pulling her coat on, "I'll see you later at home. Make sure your sister insures you get home safely, sweetheart." She opened the door, glancing back at Santana with a final unpleasant glare, "I hope you're happy, Santana."

As the door closed, Rachel finally moved from the trembling statue she'd become trying to hold her anger in check, spinning to wrap her arms around her girlfriend and squeeze her tight, burying her face in the crook of her neck. "I'm sorry..." she sobbed against tanned skin, over and over.

"I'm so sorry. I never meant for that to happen. This is all my fault, Rachel." Santana said, "I knew she hated me and I kept pushing her and I didn't... I should have just backed off. Kayla told Alex about the baby and he was just excited." Santana was almost breathless trying to apologize to Rachel, "I don't know how to make this better."

Rachel shook her head, kissing Santana's neck the skin salty with her tears. "No, sweetheart. This isn't your fault. It's hers. I hate that she harbored such disgusting thoughts for so long, but to bring them out in front of the children... Oh my gosh, the children!" Rachel looked up at Santana with horror at how she'd behaved where they could hear, "They're going to be so scared..."

She took Santana's hand, pulling her with her as she headed out to the living room. As soon as the two women came into the room and were spotted by the kids, they were swarmed with three anxious children, Beth left sitting awkwardly on the sofa and watching nervously. She didn't like or agree with anything her mother had said, nor did she known where it had come from - the woman having raised her to be open-minded and tolerant. But she didn't know if she'd be welcome in the little group hugging across the room for her, so she stayed where she was, quietly fretting and trying to hide it - very much like her birth mother used to do when she was a teen.

Santana quickly picked up Cale and gave him a strong hug. She watched as Rachel comforted the other two children and she headed over to sit with Beth on the couch. She knew that look. She had been friends with one Quinn Fabray for years and she knew what that face was.

"Sweetie." Santana said softly wrapping an arm around Beth's shoulder. "Everything will be okay. Rachel and your mom fought, but Rae never stays mad." She smiled weakly, "No matter what? Rae loves you, I love you and the children love you so even if things are awkward and messy for awhile... you and Rae are fine. You and me are fine and you will always be welcome here."

Beth leaned over, resting her head on Santana's shoulder, "My mom was really mean to you, Aunt San. That wasn't fair what she said," she murmured, smiling softly at Cale and ruffling his hair, "I know you love Rachel. I might only be a kid, but I can see that. Why can't she?"

"Because she really cared about Jesse. He was more of a child to your mom then Rachel was for a long time." Santana shrugged, "Sometimes people can't move on after losing someone." Santana sighed and looked over at her girlfriend and smiled when she saw her coloring with the kids. "She didn't like that I'm gonna have a baby with Rachel."

Beth straighten a bit with a smile, "You're gonna have a baby? Really? Aw, that is so cool!" She grinned at Santana, "I get to be an aunt again, right? Being an aunt is the best thing ever."

Santana smiled and watched the girl for a moment, she missed her friends when she looked at Beth. "Of course you'll be an aunt!" Santana smiled and pushed the girl's bangs back out of her eyes. "I just got the egg implanted today so we have to wait a bit until Rachel and I find out if it worked.. but yeah. Hopefully we'll have a baby."

Rachel overheard, glancing up with a smile before looking at the picture of Batman and Robin scaling a wall that Alex was showing her. "I know everyone got noisy and it wasn't happy," she began, running her fingers through Kayla's hair where the little girl sat on her lap, "but dinner's ready if anyone is hungry."

"I'm hungry, Mama!" Cale nodded as he jumped off Santana's lap and started to try and pull his other parent and aunt off the couch. "Come on, let's go eat!" he exclaimed once they were up.

"Alright, alright, calm yourself." Santana smiled and headed over to Rachel and kissed her softly before heading to the kitchen.

Rachel stood and dusted off the seat of her pants before herding the children in the direction of the bathroom to go wash up under Beth's watch before following Santana into the kitchen and wrapping her arms around her lover's waist. "I love you, Santana," she murmured, leaning up to kiss her softly, "and I don't care what my birth mother or anyone else says. I belong right here in your arms and by your side until the day I draw my last breath. And anyone who says otherwise can go jump off a pier."

"You are so so dramatic," Santana smiled before kissing her softly. "But I love you. I love our children and no matter what you and I? We're together." She rested her forehead on Rachel's and smiled softly. "We're a team." She heard the giggling voices of the children and wrapped her arms around her lover's neck and just smiled despite the hatred in her heart for Shelby, she had everything she ever wanted.

Rachel giggled softly, hugging Santana, "Absolutely, Santana. And a winning team at that." She leaned up at kissed Santana again not pulling away until she heard the chorus of "ew!" coming from behind her. "Hey, none of that! I love this woman and I'll kiss her if I like!" she laughed, trying to ignore the ache around her heart at losing her birth mother again as she spun around and hoisted Alex up, blowing a raspberry on his cheek.

He laughed, hugging her. "You're silly, Mama." He looked at Santana over Rachel's shoulder, "No more fighting, Mommy? Eat now?"

"Yeah, baby," she smiled and kissed his head before heading to the stove and start getting dinner onto plates. "Everyone sit down. Kayla, can you pour everyone some water and Alex's gets milk?" Santana asked as she started serving up food onto plates.

Once everyone was settled, she got Alex seated in his booster and she looked to Rachel to lead the family in the silent prayer they had begun taking a little over two years ago. She prayed softly like she had earlier in the day for her body to take the pregnancy like it was suppose to, adding a soft prayer for Shelby to come around and accept their family as it was.


	37. Chapter 37: guess what?

**Chapter 37**

It wasn't easy. It took a second round of ivf for Santana to get those faithful lines on the home pregnancy test. She had silently celebrated but kept it to herself. The doctor has suggested she stay quiet until the 12 week. Santana hadn't even told Rachel yet. They waited in the waiting room, Rachel assumed they were trying again, but Santana knew different. Once in and on the table Santana smiled at Rachel and looked at her mysteriously.

Rachel sighed softly, but did her best to smile and squeeze her girlfriend's hand supportively. She couldn't help but feel more and more worried with each round of treatment they went through without getting pregnant. She knew how hard it had to be for Santana - having to realize that the embryo had failed - but she hadn't expected how hard it would be on her too.

Now they were back in the same exam room as the previous two times waiting to try yet _again_. Even Rachel's usual optimism had been eroded by this point and she was starting to wonder if perhaps this was God's way of saying they should be content with the children they already had - especially after Santana had not only refused to tell her the results of the last attempt but also refused to try again for nearly three months. She squeezed her lover's hand to try and reassure _herself_ and get back to that confidently hopeful place she'd been in the first time. But it was hard and she wasn't certain how.

"It will be okay." Santana stated, her fingers laced in Rachel's. "I know your worried too.."

Santana had hated keeping the last few weeks a secret. She had spent the time trying to focus on work and get things in place to let some of her responsibilities go and have other people take them. She knew that this was a risky pregnancy. She knew that it wasn't guaranteed that a healthy child would come from it, but now that they were at the first ultrasound, she felt hopeful.

When the doctor came in without the supplies for invetro Santana squeezed Rachel's hand.

"How is everyone?" Dr. Winters asked, Santana shifted on the table and smiled.

"Tired, but good." Santana replied, "Everything okay with my labs and blood work?" Santana was waiting for the medical okay to tell Rachel.

"Yep," she said, "you call tell her."

Santana turned and smiled at her girlfriend. "Baby?" she whispered, "It worked."

"It worked?" Rachel was confused. She didn't understand anything that was going on and it showed in her voice, "What worked?"

"I'm pregnant." Santana smiled, "I had to wait to tell you..."

Dr. Winters set up the ultrasound machine as Rachel spoke. "I advised Santana to wait to tell anyone since we lost the first embryo and the fact we didn't know how her body would react to the treatment." the doctor moved closer And got Santana ready. She put the cool jelly on the woman's stomach and positioned the wand.

"Ready to see your baby?" the doctor asked.

"You're pregnant?" Rachel's voice trembled slightly with disbelief. "Y-you let me think it failed for the last twelve _weeks_?"

She understood - from a logical standpoint - that Santana had been advised not to tell anyone, but emotionally all she could think was that she wasn't just _anyone_. She was her _girlfriend_, the second mother of their children. It felt unpleasantly like being lied to.

"Is there..." she bit her lip as she looked at Dr Winters pressing the wand against her lover's abdomen, "is there really a baby? It really worked?"

"I'm so sorry." Santana said, her voice full of guilt. "I thought.. I didn't wanna.." her voice stopped when the gentle thud of a heartbeat sounded through the room.

"Oh my god." Santana whispered, her tears now falling freely.

"yes. A healthy baby, good size and weight, strong heartbeat there mommys." she smiled

"Oh my God," Rachel gasped, squeezing Santana's hand, hurt at not being told forgotten as the soft thumping of their child's heart filled the room. "Santana, do you hear that?" She looked at her lover with a teary smile, "That's our baby, sweetheart..."

Santana's eyes were glued to the screen, the little blob that she wanted more than anything in the world was on the screen safely nestled in its safe, warm home.

"It's... it's there." She smiled, "We did it." Santana looked at Rachel and beamed before pulling her in for a gently kiss. Santana whispered _thank you_ against her lovers mouth as she tried to hold back her tears.

"The fetus looks good and healthy, Santana." Dr. Winters explained, "But as you well know that this is the beginning you still have a long road ahead of you. Fortunately, Rachel has done this a few times and know's whats going on.. but you need to pay attention to your body. If you're tired, sleep. Hungry, eat and try to not stress too much because you are a high risk pregnancy because of the damage to your body so please any time you think something might be wrong, call me."

Between the tiny image of their child growing in her lover on the screen and Santana's tearfully happy expression, Rachel didn't have time to look at the doctor as she gently stroked the backs of her fingers over Santana's cheek. "Everything will be okay. I'm going to take the best possible care of her and our baby. She won't have to worry about a thing because I'll be right there."

It was strange, seeing the image on the screen and knowing it was _theirs_ but not being the one on the table. Again she wondered if this was how Jesse felt each time he stood beside her, his hand tight and sweaty with anxiety in hers as they waited for that first fuzzy image to appear on the screen. This breathless exhilaration knowing the woman holding her hand was carrying their child.

She squeezed Santana's hand as she looked at the monitor again with an amazed smile, "We're having a baby..."

The doctor smiled and wiped off Santana's stomach and printed out the picture. "For your scrapbook." She handed it to Rachel with a smile. "I will schedule you for another check up in a few weeks. I'm gonna get your medication, Santana and I'll be right back." the doctor left the two women in the room together.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I was so scared it wouldn't take and we'd have to start all over anyway." Santana whispered, clutching onto Rachel's hand.

Rachel leaned down and kissed her softly. "I know," she murmured, "just... I want to be there for you, Santana. No matter what. If it takes or if it doesn't. I can't do that if you don't tell me." She brushed her fingers over tanned skin and smiled softly, "But none of that matters now. It worked and you're going to have a _baby_, Santana. _Our_ baby."

She swallowed back tears, smiling warmly and holding tight to Santana's hand, "I don't know if I have ever loved you as much as I do right now. My heart feels as if it could burst from how much I love you. Thank you so much for allowing me to be in your life."

"I love you so much, baby." Santana smiled, as she sat up and moved to get her clothing. She pulled her jeans closed and brought Rachel's hand her the lower part of her own abs. "Feel it," Santana stated, "It's all hard and like a little bump." She held Rachel's hand against her warm skin and beamed. "It's crazy, just like over night it popped up and I'm like woah. Baby belly."

Rachel laughed softly, fingertips tracing over the smooth swell, "I can't believe I missed all the signs. You would think that I would recognize the signs of you being pregnant, but I missed them all!" She smiled wryly up at Santana, leaning up to kiss her, hand still gently pressed to the bump hiding their growing child, "I haven't been very observant, but I'll be better. I am going to take the best care of you possible, Santana Lopez."

"I didn't really have any of them, to be honest." Santana offered up as she wrapped her arms around Rachel's neck. "The only time I ever felt morning sickness was at like 10:30 am and I'm at work by then and you have your meetings..." She shrugged, "Though I'm always so tired, I feel like I haven't played with the kids in weeks..." She rested her head on Rachel's and closed her eyes. "So, are we gonna do the Jewish thing and wait till it's born to get stuff?"

Rachel smiled softly, her arms going around Santana to hold her tight, "Whatever you want to do, sweetheart. This child is both of us. Jewish and Catholic. Jewish couples," she bit her lip, not wanting to scare the other women, "our pregnancies are risky. There's too much of a chance of loss and it hurts too much to have all of these things for a child you'll not see, but... this isn't same. And, we should let the children know both sides of our family, don't you?"

She smiled softly, brushing her fingers over Santana's cheek, "Jewish _and_ Catholic. While I admit to a preference toward Judaism, our children should have the opportunity to be exposed to the religious beliefs of both of their parents."

"It is the same." Santana said, "I don't know if the baby will be healthy or will even make it to the world... So... I think i want to do it you're way... I want to love the baby, but I don't think we should buy anything new until it's born... Though we still have all of Alex's baby stuff in storage..." She exhaled a shaky breath and held her girlfriend tighter. "I'm really scared Rachel. What... What if I loose this one like Alejandra? What is something is wrong with it?"

Rachel rubbed her back, "I don't want to lie to you and say it's not possible, but I will be here no matter what happens. And if, God forbid, there is something wrong. If, for example, this little one is like Becky or if they can't walk like Artie, we will _love_ our child. We will do everything we can for our child to let them live as happily and well as possible."

"It doesn't matter if this child is not like all other children. They will be _perfect_ because they are _ours_. Because they will be born because we love each other and love them." She brushed her lips over Santana's softly, "And that is all that matters."

The mother to-be nodded and pulled away, "I know... I know." she pulled on her shirt and fixed her hair. "Want to go home? We need to paint Caleb and Alex's room now that the upstairs is finished... Oh by the way baby... has Cale mentioned that he would like his walls to be purple to you?" She asked with a sly grin.

Rachel laughed, helping Santana on with her jacket, "Purple? Really? Well, whatever makes him happy." She looked momentarily concerned as she pulled on her own coat, "Is it safe for you to be painting? The fumes may be unhealthy for the little one..."

"He's a special boy." Santana smiled and picked up her medication from the receptionist on the way out. "Baby? Have you ever thought that Cale... resembles a young Blaine and Kurt?" She was nervous to ask because she knew it wasn't a parents dream to have a gay child, but then again they were a gay couple. "I've kinda started wondering over the last few weeks..."

Santana hailed a cab and slid in and leaned against her girlfriend as the driver drove them home.

Rachel raised a brow, "Santana, he's seven. Besides, does it even matter?" She shrugged, "If he is, I will be worried for him, but it won't change how I feel. Gay, straight, bisexual, pan, even trans... he'll still be my baby and that's what's important. Not who he falls in love with."

"I know. I just get worried about him if kids make fun of him or whatever" She rested her head on Rachel's shoulder, "He can be whatever he wants, I'm still gonna be worried about himﾅ I'll be worried about all of them."

"Of course we worry, Santana," Rachel leaned over and kissed her cheek before getting out and paying the driver, "we're parents. It's our job to worry about our children."

* * *

><p>The taxi driver pulled up to the house after awhile and the women got out. When they got inside, Santana held Rachel's hand as they followed the giggling voices of the children in the living room playing a board game. Santana leaned against the wall, watching the kids as they played. She wrapped her arms around Rachel and smiled enjoying being able to watch them before they were noticed.<p>

Rachel rested her head on Santana's shoulder as she watched their little ones play under Beth's guidance with a soft smile. It was times like these, with her family all together and happy, that she was happiest. She wrapped her arms around Santana's waist and hugged her, leaning up to whisper in her ear as one hand caressed the bump of their baby, "I love you so much..."

Santana opened her mouth to speak but was soon cut off by Alex screaming. "MOMMY!" He exclaimed, "Cale cheated!" He got up and bounded to Santana's arms. Santana squatted down and looked in Alex's eyes.

"Did he really cheat or did he just win and you didn't like that?" Santana asked as she pushed his hair back off his forehead. Alex scowled as he look at his mom. "Alejandro," She said sternly.

"He won... but I wanted to win, mommy!" He said with a burst of breath.

"You can try and win next time, now," She turned him around and pushed him forward a bit and smacked his butt lightly, "Go tell Cale good game and shake his hand or give him a hug."Alex begrudgingly padded over to his brother and stuck his little hand out for Cale's.

"Good game." He pouted and Cale jumped on him and gave him a big bear hug which caused the younger boy to giggle.

Rachel laughed at her sons antics, looking over to Beth with a smile as she smoothed her daughter's hair, the little girl having ran over to hug her. "So how were the little monsters, Beth? Not too much trouble I hope?"

Beth shook her head, "Nah, we get along great. I've got the best niece and nephews. Right, guys?"

"Right!" Alex crowed as he and his brother tackled the teen, both boys kissing her cheeks.

"Speaking of niece and nephews..." Rachel trailed off, smiling at Santana and giving her the opening to let the family know it would be expanding if she wanted to.

Santana looked over wide eyed and bit her lip, suddenly shy. "Um... We went to the doctor todayﾅ" She said, her voice a little bit weaker than normal. "I.. I'm pregnant. I'm gonna have a baby in like 6 months." She looked up trying to veil her excitement as she spoke, but not doing a very good job with it.

"You're gonna have a little brother or sister and a new niece or nephew Beth." She smiled up at the teenager with her son's climbing onto of her.

"Really?" Kayla's voice was hushed, but her eyes were big and there was a hint of a smile playing around her lips as she looked over at Santana, her mom's hand still brushing through her hair. "I mean, for real really this time?"

"Rach, show her the picture." Santana smiled as she looked to her lover to show their daughter the picture from the ultrasound. Santana watched as Kayla's fingers traced the outline of the baby.

"Wow, Mom, Santi," Kayla was stunned as she looked at the photo. Cale and Alex came over with beth and struggled to see it.

"I wanna see! Mommy where's the baby? Looks like a jellybean!" He exclaimed, his face scrunched up in confusion as he tried to find the baby. "Is it like where's Waldo? It's not fun if it is." he complained.

Rachel chuckled, lowering herself to sit on the floor so the children could crowd around - and in Alex's case _on_ - her and everyone could see. "No, sweetheart, it's not like Where's Waldo. The baby is still very very tiny," She pointed the tiny figure on the printout, glancing over to Santana with a smile, "but as it grows it'll get bigger. Just like you do." She kissed the top of Alex's head, "Until eventually they're too big to sit inside your mommy's tummy any more and they want to come out and say hi to all of us."

As Rachel explained, Beth made her way over to Santana and gave her a big hug. "This is so cool, Aunt San. I totally want exclusive babysitting rights. And," she smiled shyly - so like her father when he was being the sweetest, "I'm real glad I get to be their aunt. You're kinda awesome and I totally love you. Not like Rachel!" Her face screwed up for a moment as she tried to back pedal and make it sound less awkward, "Or well, _like_ Rachel but not _like_ like Rachel... You understand, right?"

"I have no idea what you are saying, kiddo." Santana laughed and hugged her niece. "Plus, I need some free labour to watch our brood and you're the only one we trust." She smiled and kept her arm wrapped around the girl who was the doppleganger of her former friend.

Cale smiled and looked at the picture, "Like Alex did? He was all squishy and gross looking when he came out. I saw pictures when momma showed them to granddad." He nodded as he told Alex, "You were covered with gunk and it was totally gross," He looked up to his big sister, "Remember Kayla? He was really gross."

"You both were gross," Kayla rolled her eyes and rested against her mom as she looked at the picture. "All babies are gross when they are born. The new baby will be gross too, but then they clean it off and it's all little and cute." She smiled, "Right mom?"

Beth pouted, "Aw, Aunt San, that's mean! I totally get giving you a family discount but I'm so not babysitting for free!"

Rachel smiled up at her daughter, "That's right, little star. And we're going to love them, right?"

Santana laughed and squeezed the girl's arm. "Maybe.. or we can just feed you and let you run away here when your mom get's crazy." She wiggled her eyebrows and smiled at the blonde.

"Yes," Kayla smiled at her mom, finally looking up from the picture. "Lots of love and I'll make sure the boys aren't too rough with the baby when it comes." She smiled and looked over to Santana.

"You're such a good sister, K." Santana stated.

Beth stuck out her tongue with a teasing smile, "No way! I get my eight bucks an hour or the deal's off! And you know no one else will sit for you for that cheap in New York."

"Yeah.. Yeah. Yeah." Santana smiled as she pulled away and walked over to get the picuture and put it on the fridge. "Don't remind me. " she teased and laughed when Beth rolled her eyes.

Rachel just chuckled, "Alright, everyone. I'm feeling the urge to be decadent and order pizza in celebration. Who's interested?"

Both Cale and Alex's hands shot up and they clamoured with excitment. "Me momma! I want cheese and mushrooms!" Alex exclaimed as he bounced on his feet.

"Cheese and tomatoes!" Cale called as he wandered back over to the game and started putting it away.

"Just cheese." Kayla smiled and Beth nodded as they went back to the living room and plopped down on the couch. Santana went back to Rachel and handed her the pizza menu.

"I think that pesto and cheese pizza for you and me sounds about right?" She smiled and kissed her girlfriend as she walked away and went to sit on the couch with the rest of the family as Rachel shook her head and ordered dinner.


	38. Chapter 38: Old Friends

**Chapter 38**

Rachel rested back against the wall with her eyes closed listening to the soft musick playing over the sound of the rising elevator as she prepared herself mentally for her work day. She'd just finished dropping Alex off at pre-school and was looking forward to a proper "welcome to work" kiss from her girlfriend to start her day right before settling into things. So when the soft ding announced her arrival at their floor, she stepped out with a smile on her face, her mouth opening to give her usual cheery good morning to Trisha, their receptionist, only to stop as she noticed a well built man in military camouflage leaning on the desk chatting with her.

For a second, she considered stepping in in defense of their employee, until she spotted the flattered smile on the young woman's face. Then she took a second look at the man leaning on the desk and the way he held himself with a cool confidence. She let herself hear the smoothly familiar baritone of his speaking voice.

"Oh my gosh," she gasped, everything finally clicking together, "_Noah_? You're back? Why didn't you tell me!"

Puck looked up with a grin, he winked at Trisha before sauntering over to his friend and capturing her in a strong hug. His well built arms lifted the girl off the ground and spun her around. "Hey, my Jewish princess." He smiled as he set her down and look a second to let his eyes fall over her form. "Looking good, Berry. Even after the kids your body is still tight as hell." He ran his hand over his shaved head with as he spoke.

"Why would I tell you? I didn't wanna miss the look on your face when you saw my ass here." He moved his arms around to emphasize his point.

Rachel laughed at being spun around, letting her hands rest on his arms after he let her down. It had always been easy to be physical with the tall man, though their relationship had developed more along familial lines - much to his mother's disappointment - as they'd grown older. "But your niece and nephews would have liked to know their favorite uncle was home safe and sound. And you haven't even met Alex yet!"

"So it's gonna be a great surprise when they find out," He grinned cheekily, still the over confident boy he'd always been around her in many ways, "Nice digs you got here, seems like you're doing well for yourself, though I'm surprised you haven't snagged a recording deal being here."

Rachel chuckled, "You know I don't have time for something like that with my little ones. I work behind the scenes and that is more than enough for me. What are you doing here anyway?" She smiled up at him, smoothing a hand over his BDU jacket, "Are you finally out?"

"For the moment." He smiled, his arms settled onto his sides and leaned against the wall. "After more tours of duty than I can remember and a stint in the hospital in Germany... you know they decided to give Puckasuras a little break." he smiled, "Plus I'm not as young as I used to be."

He smiled at the thought of the kids, "I missed your brats too. Those photos do not do their personalities justice!" He pulled out his wallet and showed Rachel that he still carried their photos, next to a crumpled one of Beth from when she was five. "I can't believe I couldn't get to come home to visit when Jesse died or when Alex was born. I'm so sorry, Rachel... I should have been here for you."

"It's okay, I know you wanted to." She hugged him, pulling back to smile up at him, "Would you like to get a coffee from downstairs or is this less of a personal visit and more of a business one, Noah?"

"He was asking to see Ms. Lopez, Ms. St James," Trisha volunteered.

Rachel chuckled, "Ah, I _see_. So it _is_ business! And what exactly did you want my partner for?"

"I thought you were still her assistant? Lopez made you a partner?" he asked, wondering how that career jump was made. "I'm looking to record an album..."

Rachel's lips twitched, "Not... _that_ kind of partner, Noah. Though why don't you come back to my office and we can see if you have something she might be interested in working with?" She thanked Trisha and led Puck back through the door to her office, assuming her lover was busy when she noticed that Santana's curtains were drawn over the glass walls of her office. "I don't want her under too much stress right now, so I've been handling initial vetting when they manage to get this far. Please, have a seat." She gestured towards the comfortable chairs around the small table, "Would you like anything to drink?"

Puck followed, "I'm confused." he sat down and looked at the photos on the table of the kids. Of Santana and the kids. "The kids really like her? I know I haven't seen her in awhile, but Lopez never seemed really... you know, _maternal_. Like I tried contacting her when I saw her in the papers a few years back with her husband... But yeah." he shrugged as he looked back to Rachel. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks. What do you do here now if not handling Lopez's moods?"

"Well, I still handle her moods - I believe no one in this company wants me to stop - and schedule as well as functioning as her liaison when necessary," she smiled as she settled in her chair after picking up a particular frame off her desk, "but I mainly work with artist relations and assisting production with enhancing the vocal quality of a number of our artists. But," she handed him the framed photo - which she actually had contacted the tabloid photographer for - with a smile, "the children definitely like her. In fact, I believe they rather love her." She bit her lip with a shy smile, watching him carefully for a reaction as he looked at the photo, "As do I."

"Fuck," he exclaimed looking at the photo of his ex-girlfriends kissing. "Damn, Berry, you really went down a different avenue after Jesse!" he put the picture down and looked up with a dopey grin. "She's still fine as hell. I can't believe you both are gay! Well, I knew she was kinda gay, but damn, Berry!"

"She _is_ exceedingly attractive, but she's also _mine_, so hands off, mister!" Rachel grinned, belying the tone of her words with her smile. Outside of Sue and Shelby, Puck was the first person from their old life that had really found out about her relationship with the fiery producer, and she was thrilled that he was taking it so well. "And, for the record, I've always been bisexual, though I'm not surprised you didn't notice. It wasn't exactly something I advertised in high school, but I did have some experimentations in college before Jesse and I got engaged."

"I knew you always leered at Brittany and Quinn... But I just thought it was hot." he shrugged, "Plus the only girls I talked to and not just slept with were all big lesbos so, you know, warped world." he smiled and pulled a CD out of his bag. "Look, I wouldn't do this unless I thought it was good... I know Avalon does mostly hip hop and soul... But think she'll consider?"

"You didn't sleep with me because I didn't let you get that far... though there was that one time you stopped me when I was trying to use you to hurt Finn. Very admirable of you, by the way. It made me truly start to respect you as a man when you did that." Rachel took the CD from him and looked at it, "I don't know, Noah. If you want, I'll listen to it and try and get her to listen to it, but she does seem to have a particular vision for the sound of Avalon Records. But," she tapped the case lightly on the table, "I also know she's considering a smaller off-shoot label for things less like the Avalon sound and maybe - _if_ this is good - maybe this could tip her into going for it. But I can't promise you anything but that I'll listen to it."

She considered the man that her old friend had become, leaning back in her chair and tapping the CD case against her lips, "I know you're an excellent performer, Noah, and a talented musician, but I don't want to get your hopes up only to have them dashed if she rejects this demo."

"What's good in having an ex with a record company?" he half joked, "Come on a Marine with a great voice? Imagine what the ladies will do for that." he smirked and looked at his friend, "Alright... listen to it and lemme know. You always knew music best anyway..."

"For the record, you have _two_ exes with a record company, but," Rachel smiled, "I will definitely listen to it, Noah. And I'll do so critically because you deserve an _honest_ shot, not riding on the favors of friends. You've always had the vocal chops to be a performer, but you've not always had the dedication. Though, hopefully the Marines managed to work some of that into you. I'll do what I can, because you're one of my best and dearest friends and my children's uncle, but the only way I'm going to sell Santana on this if it's too far away from the sound we produce here at Avalon is if it's _amazing_."

"But if it is," she set the CD on the table gently before looking up at him again, "and she still doesn't want it for Avalon, I have a few connections of my own and I'll try and get your demo into the hands of people who are looking for your sound. That's all I can promise without listening, Noah. I'm sorry."

"It's cool," He shrugged, his face looked kinda dejected but he tried to hide it, "When to I get to see these kids you speak of? I have presents from overseas for them... Also it would be nice to see Santana again since y'all are so close and whatever."

Rachel laughed, "Don't look so down, Noah! I've worked around Santana enough to know that most unsolicited demos go straight into the trash. I just promised you not only a listen, but to get it into the hands of people who could sign you. And you definitely need to join us for dinner one night. Santana and the children and I have been living together for... nearly four years now," She reached over and touched his wrist, smiling conspiratorially, "And don't you _dare_ tell Santana I told you this because she's nervous and wants to wait to tell all but immediate family, but... we're having a baby."

"You're what?" he exclaimed, being together was one thing but a baby? "What about your kids? What about Jesse? Can you even do that?" he sputtered his questions. He had been close to Jesse after he and Rachel got together and he was kinda sad that it seemed like Rachel had forgotten about him.

Rachel frowned, worried and a little upset by his reaction to what she'd felt was good and exciting news, "What about the children? They're excited by the idea. And perhaps Shelby and apparently a few other people believe I should grieve my deceased husband forever, but I'm not dead, Noah. I love her and she wants to have a child and I want to be there for her and her little one. What's wrong with that?"

"It's just kinda confusing, you know?" he sighed, "All I know is that Santana was in your life when Jesse died, then you move in together and then she gets crazy tabloid press and they say crazy things and now y'all are having babies?" he scrunched his face and looked at the woman. "She just never seemed like a mother though."

"You haven't seen her with my children," Rachel smiled softly when she spoke of Santana, "She's so good with them. Alex calls her his Mommy and she's Cale's best friend. Even Kayla goes to her for help when I can't understand her homework. She's gentle and loving and so _patient_, Noah. She saved my life when I was drowning in my grief from losing Jesse. And it was over a year before we were together. And then everything with that _wicked_ man..." she shook her head, "We've held each other together. I honestly don't know if I'd still be here today if it wasn't for her _forcing_ me to take care of myself and caring for the children when I didn't know how to go on following Jesse's death, Noah..."

"Yeah," he said still not totally convinced. "I guess, I'm just protective of you. Jesse was my bro and you're my Jew... I guess I'll have to see her again, I haven't seen her since she was 17 or so, except I tried to send her my demos mad amounts of times through the years and she never got back to me on them." He sighed and looked at Rachel, "I'll come to dinner but she better not be a bitch to me."

"Well, did you send it to her asking for _advice_ or did you send it asking for her to find a way to sign you to a label that doesn't sign your sound?" Rachel asked with a knowing smirk, "Believe it or not, Noah, but my girlfriend tends to react better to someone approaching her as a friend instead of someone who wants something from her. To be honest," she looked thoughtful for a moment, "I believe she may have always been that way and we were just all too wrapped up in ourselves to realize it."

She shrugged, "That's in the past though, I will do what I can to advance your cause if you have something here," she tapped a finger on the case, "worth advancing. I know you have promise, Noah. I could see that promise every time I heard you sing. So, I am on your side, alright? But I can't do anything unless your potential is so evident on this CD that it screams for everyone to sit up and take notice. If your absolute _best_ isn't on here, Noah, I'm going to have trouble getting anyone to listen. But, as your friend, if I feel this isn't your best, I'll be honest with you about it."

"And Santana will be Santana," Rachel grinned, a twinkle in her eyes, "It's why we love her after all, but she has grown up quite a bit since high school, just as we all have. She's a good woman, Noah. Even if she wasn't my lover, I would still be beyond honored to call her my friend."

"Yeah yeah..." He rolled his eyes and looked at his watch. "Ugh. I have go Rach. Do you wanna have dinner tonight? Or another day?"

"Tonight is good for _me_, but I do have four other people's schedules to check," Rachel smiled, standing and smoothing down her skirt, "If you leave me a number to call you at, I'll check to make sure everyone will be home and not at, say, gymnastics practice or a dinner meeting. I should be able to get back to you within the hour, if that is acceptable to you, Noah?"

"Sure, babe." He smiled, standing up and and scrawlling his number out on a Post-it he found on Rachel's desk. "Give me a call and make sure Santana doesn't find out I questioned her parenting or she'll damage my junk." He smiled and leaned down to kiss Rachel's cheek. "I'm not doing anything much after I go look for some jobs."

He headed to the door and he looked behind him as he did, "Can... Can you give something to Beth for me?"

"I certainly can," Rachel nodded, "I may not be on speaking terms with her mom, but she's my sister - weird and awkward as it is to call her that right now - and she watches the children after school sometimes for pocket money."

He nodded, "Okay. I'll bring it with me tonight, if I see you." He smiled once more before heading out the door and out to the elevator. He winked at the receptionist before getting onto the elevator.

* * *

><p>Santana had come home and more or less passed out. She was exhusted all the time now that she had hit the sixth month of her pregnancy and on top of that she had had a marathon day of meetings and she didn't even get to see her girlfriend or have lunch with her at all that day. She had gotten a ride home from Ajay after her evening meeting across town. She had said 'hi' and kissed each child quickly before heading into the bedroom, changing into less restrictive clothing and fell asleep promptly on the bed.<p>

Alex had followed his mommy as she headed to her room scrambling up into the bed with her to snuggle with her with his head resting on her stomach so he could "listen to the baby grow". Ever since the little one had first started kicking the little boy had been fascinated. Now he softly stroked Santana's belly with his little hand, pressing his lips up against her as he whispered softly.

"I'm gonna be your big brother, Baby." He mumbled into his mommy's skin after pushing her shirt up, "I'm gonna give you hugs and teach you to play baseball and lots of fun stuff. You gotta get big okay? So we can play."

Rachel paused in the doorway, watching her youngest son and her lover with an amused smile, "What are you doing, sweetheart?"

"'Nuffin'." he whispered, his head still resting on his sleeping mommy's stomach. He looked up to his mom with a smile on his face and motioned for her to come over to him. "Momma, Baby is kicking at me again." He beamed and ran his little fingers over the little push against his hand.

Rachel smiled softly and came inside, drying her hands on the towel tucked into her apron and sitting beside her son and exhausted lover. "Are they?" She murmured softly, not wanting to wake Santana as she stroked Alex's head, "Were you talking to the baby again, little man? You know that excites them."

He nodded, "Momma?" He asked quietly, "Is Baby a brother or a sister?" He continued to draw little hearts and stars on Santana's skin with his finger as he spoke. "Can I hold Baby and sing them to sleep? Someone has to sing babies to sleep, right? You singed me to sleep, right?"

"We don't know yet," Rachel responded, touched as always by how much interest the little boy put into the new baby, "We're going to find out when it's time for them to come out and say hi. And that's right, both your mommy and I sang you to sleep when you were a baby, but you can help us sing to this little one if you'd like. They might have to get a little bigger than newborn before you can hold them alone though..."

The boy pouted and looked up at his mom. "Momma? Why you never talk to Baby in Mommy's tummy?" He asked tilting his head to the side. "I talk to Baby _all_ the time! And Cale sings and Kayla read in 'panish to the baby last night. Do you not love Baby?"

"What?" Rachel was flustered - it wasn't exactly the thing to do to tell your child that you usually talked to the baby after making love to his mommy - but she soldiered on, "That's silly, little man. I love the baby as much as I love any of you. I just talk to them after you go to bed..."

"Oh!" He smiled and nodded pressing a soft kiss to the woman's stomach when she started to wiggle and wake up. "Bye!" He bounded out of the room and he didn't like waking his mom up when she was sleeping so he always ran away when she started to wake.

"Why are you touching me?" Santana whined as she wiggled trying to get comfortable again.

Rachel chuckled, leaning down to brush her lips against Santana's, "I'm not but someone was." She nodded towards the door and the swiftly disappearing patter of their youngest son's feet down the hall. "I missed you today, beautiful, but I _did_ run into an old friend."

"Why does he like to poke at me? I'm not a zoo animal." Santana pouted, keeping her eyes closed as she leaned into Rachel. "I missed you too, I was so tired... I didn't get to take a nap at all today." Santana had become accoustomed to taking a 30 minute nap mid-day, but on days she was busy it ruined her whole atittude. "Who'd you run into?" She asked sleepily as she exhaled trying to will herself to open her eyes.

"He's not poking, he's talking to his baby brother or sister," Rachel smoothed her hand over Santana's baby bump, covering it with her shirt again, unable to hide a bright smile at the feeling of a tiny foot against her hand, "The little one seems to love him already for it too."

She raised her attention back from Santana's belly to her eyes, "But I ran into Noah Puckerman. He's home and out of service. And, if you feel up to it, joining us for dinner. I can certainly make excuses for you and bring you a plate later if you're too tired, but the children - Kayla especially - are looking forward to seeing their Uncle Noah."

"Puck?" Santana opened her eyes and looked tiredly at her girlfriend. "I think that that's okay... I don't know how much I'm up for becasue I'm really tired as hell and not up for him trying to slip me his CD every time I turn around."

She sat up and stretched, pulling her tank top that Alex had pushed up back down over her belly. "He spent like 5 years sending me some pretty awful demoes... Plus he'll call me fat."

"If he even _thinks_ about calling the absolutely gorgeous mother of _our_ child fat, I will slap him myself," she leaned in to kiss Santana with a soft smile, "And I have no doubt he did, though I have assurances that will not be happening tonight. He won't be here for a couple hours, so you can nap if you like. I'll try to keep little Mr I Love Baby away, though I can't promise that Cale won't sneak in to cuddle with his Santa. If you feel up to it when he arrives you can come say hi, if not, it's okay."

"It's okay." Santana smiled adoringly as she laid back against the bed and pulled Rachel down to kiss her lips once more. "I like that he's excited, it's adorable." She pulled Rachel's pillow into her arms and she cuddled into it as she let her eyes fall closed.

"Let me know like 20 minutes before he gets here? I wanna look okay and whatever it takes me longer to get ready these days." She quickly remembered to show Rachel what she noticed that morning. "Baby look." She said as she tugged her shirt up and pointed to her bellybutton. It had pushed up and out, her tiny form had stretched, pulling her skin tightly across her belly.

"You," Rachel smiled softly, moving to press a kiss to her lover's swollen belly, "are so very beautiful." Her lips brushed softly over warm skin, "I love both of you so very much already."

She smiled and ran her fingers through Rachel's hair as she did so. "Mmm. Baby, keep kissing me like that I'm gonna need something other than sleep." She winked and pushed her girlfriends head away, "Now go get ready for your friend to come and I will sleep."

Rachel laughed but sat up, giving Santana's hand a squeeze as she stood. "Maybe I'll continue later when you're more awake and the children are asleep, love. Rest now and I'll send in your boy to cuddle and keep Alex from poking at the little one while Kayla and I get dinner ready."

The mother to be was already more or less asleep when Rachel left, curled into her pillow. As she slept, she rested her hand where the baby had decided to kick and make its presence known.


	39. Chapter 39: eye doctor & panic

**Chapter 39**

Santana sat in the optometrist's office, Kayla sat next to her nervously. Santana and Rachel had been called a few weeks before by Kayla's teacher letting them know that the girl was having a hard time in school. She had been getting headache's and had been unable to see the board and she thought they should get her eyes checked. So, while Rachel stayed home with the boys and she and Puck worked on his musical stylings, Santana took the little girl to the eye doctor.

"Santi?" Kayla said quietly as they waited to get the results of the doctor's exam, "What if I have to get glasses? People will make fun of me! They'll call me four-eyes and try to flush them down the toilet!" She was horrified at looking like a geek, which secretly amused Santana to no end knowing how Rachel was in school.

"Hey," Santana turned to look at the girl and put down the magazine that she had resting against her stomach. "You're not a geek, you're brilliant and you will look wicked cool if you need glasses. Not everyone who wears glasses get picked on, little lady."

"Nuh-uh, they do!" Kayla crossed her arms defiantly and jutted out her lip.

Santana reached in her bag and popped open her case and slid her rectangular ray-ban glasses onto her face. "Do I look like a geek or a four eyes?" She asked raising her eyebrow at the child.

Kayla pouted but looked up at Santana. Finally with a big sigh, she wiggled the toe of her shoe against the floor and rocked forward on the chair. "No," she murmured softly, "but you're big and pretty. Not like me. I'm little and my nose is too big. Glasses'll just make it worse, Santi..."

"You will look adorable." Santana reassured her, "You are a beautiful girl, Kayla. You have a nose that is perfect for your face, you my dear, are amazing and I think you will look amazing in glasses." She smiled and pushed the girl's hair out of her face. "And you're not little. You'll be taller than me soon! You're already as tall as your mom... but that's not hard - _she's_ tiny."

Kayla rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out. "I know Mama's tiny. But I'm the smallest in my gymnastics class. And I'm not skinny or pretty as Jenny."

"Wellﾅ Jenny is also built differently than you. She's taller by like four inches than you are, but you are a petite little girl and you are very beautiful."

She looked shyly up at Santana, "You really think I'm pretty, Santi? I'm gonna look like a _nerd_ in glasses though..."

"Well, I think you are especially pretty. That kinda pretty that people don't understand at first but then once you see it you can't see anything else." She smiled, "That's how I think of your mom and that's how I feel about you. You are a beautiful girl, and glasses will just enhance that."

When the doctor came out he explained that Kayla would need glasses for reading, that she could wear them all the time or just when she's reading the board at school. He brought her over to the display case and explained that she could pick a pair of glasses and they'd put the lenses inside.

"What ones do you want, K?" Santana asked as she looked over the couple dozen choices.

Kayla looked overwhelmed by all the options available. She reached out and took Santana's hand, nervously looking at the various frames with her lip caught between her teeth. "There's so many, Santi... I... How do I pick?"

Santana tangled their fingers together. "Well. I think something classic, so like navy blue or black." She said taking about 12 out of the mix that were coloured. "Do you wanna try on come oval ones or rectangle?" she picked up two kinds and helped put the oval ones on the girls face. Kayla scrunched her face, not liking how they looked.

"No me gusta." Kayla said as she quickly took them off, causing Santana to giggle and put them back. She handed her the other pair and Kayla slipped them on and smiled. They were more or less just a smaller version of Santana's and she looked up and smiled. "I like these. I look smart."

"You are smart, darling." Santana smiled and fixed them on her daughter face. "You look so grown up."

"Not yet though, right?" Kayla smiled shyly up at the older woman, squeezing her hand, "I'm still you and Mama's little girl, right?"

Santana smiled and brushed the girl's hair back. "You will always be our little girl. Forever okay?" she pressed a kiss to her daughter's forehead and pulled away to look at the glasses. "Do you like any others?"

Kayla smiled softly at her adoptive mom and squeezed her hand. "I think I like these best. Is that okay?"

"Totally, baby girl." she smiled, she raised her arm and flagged down the doctor and they went about working to fit the glasses to the girl's face and then sending them off to get lenses. It would only take about an hour, so Santana lead the girl out to the mall and headed for the ice cream shop. "I think you deserve ice cream... and the baby really wants it too."

Kayla laughed, "You just want ice cream cause Mama won't let you have the real stuff at home." She stuck her tongue out at the pregnant woman as they walked through the mall. "Daddy was like that too, I think. I kinda remember him taking me out for my birthday and getting something Mama wouldn't let us have at home, but I don't remember what it was any more." She sighed sadly, not usually willing to talk about her deceased father with the older woman, "Why does it get so hard to remember things like that? I want to remember everything, Santi."

"I know you do darling." Santana sighed and took her to sit down. "that's why we have photo albums and videos... I think it was fish he took you out for, baby-girl." She handed the girl a menu and smiled at the waiter.

"Can I please have a coffee and a bowl of strawberry ice-cream?" she smiled and looked at Kayla. "What do you want?"

"Strawberry too, please, but can I have a cone, Santi?" Kayla kicked her feet against the floor, "I know we have pictures and stuff, but it's not the same. I can't remember what he smelled like anymore, or what hugs felt like." She sighed and looked worriedly across the table at Santana, "You and Mama won't go away like he did, will you?"

"I know we will try really hard not too." Santana smiled at the waiter before he left. "I will promise that I will try my best to stay here for as long as I can."

When the coffee and Ice cream came, Santana took a long sip. "Would you like if your mom and I talked about your dad more?"

"Would you?" Kayla looked excited for a moment, then faltered, " Oh, but... it makes Mama sad to talk about Daddy."

"I think she will be okay... It's been a few years it might help her not be sad if we talk about it with Caleb and Alex. They weren't old enough to remember him like you do."

Kayla licked at her dripping cone for a bit thinking about it, "Do you really think so? I'd like to talk about Daddy more."

"I think it would be good for everyone." she smiled taking a spoonful and swallowing it. " I want Alex and Cale to know about their dad... And I know biologically the baby isn't his... But I'd like them to know him too..."

Kayla nodded, licking some ice cream from her lips and nibbling on her cone. "Santi, do you think maybe," she occupied herself eating her ice cream for a moment before continuing, "Do you think we could go see Daddy sometime? Mama gets sad when we go, but I just wanna talk to him sometimes, you know?"

"Yes," Santana said, "I think we can do that, even if it's just us... We can go." Santana drank her coffee and rubbed her stomach gently. "I want you to feel like he's with us always, okay?"

Kayla nodded, "Thank you, Santi. It, um, it means a lot to me that you came today." She ate her ice cream for a little while in silence, just thinking as she nibbled on her cone, "Um, Santi? Mama and Daddy don't wear glasses, but you do... so," she nibbled on her lip, "does that mean I'm like you too now?"

"If that's what you want," Santana beamed slightly at the fact Kayla wanted to look like her. "I think you will look like a good mixture of all of us. Just like Cale has curly hair and blue eyes like your dad and but is smaller like your mom and Alex has light brown hair and he's tall like you and your dad, and the baby... They will have dark skin like me and be Jewish like you."

"Just like me?" Kayla smiled at that idea and kicked her feet as she crunched her cone, "Maybe a baby _sister_?" She grinned mischievously, having been told by her mama that they didn't know if the little one would be a brother or sister and just teasing.

"Maybe a baby sister, but your mama and I don't know yet. There are few things in the works that can surprise us, the baby is one of them." She didn't want to tell her that it was because she lost a baby girl at the same time in her pregnancy years back, she didn't want to let Kayla know that she knew what size her child was and she couldn't get the image if her deceased daughter out if her mind for the last few weeks.

"Well, I'm gonna hope for a sister," Kayla nodded, finishing off her cone and reaching for a napkin, "Cause I think that would be really cool." She glanced over at Santana conspiratorially as she cleaned off most of the traces of ice cream on her fingers and face, "Did you know Alex totally stole my baby doll and carries it around talking to it when you're not home? He's so silly."

Santana giggled and finished her ice-cream. "That boy is so excited." she watched Kayla and smiled, "He sneaks into my bed and talks to the baby when I'm sleeping. He's a crazy little boy."

"I know! I tried to stop him from bothering you when you were napping the other day, but he started screaming and I didn't want him to wake you up," Kayla frowned, "He's such a brat sometimes."

"He's just loving, I bet you did the same thing with cale in your mama's tummy." she smiled, having heard stories about Kayla talking to Rachel's stomach.

"Nuh-uh. I was good and let Mama sleep." Kayla folded her arms and pouted having come in the room in time to hear Rachel telling Santana stories about the little girl plastering her face against her mama's stomach to "give the baby kisses".

"It's still cute." She smiled, "Yep, so about three more months and we'll see the little one and you and Alex can stop attacking me in my sleep." She paid for the treat and offered her hand to Kayla. "Come on let's get you some glasses and then we can go home."

"Hey, I don't attack you in your sleep!" Kayla pouted as Santana paid, but she took her hand and headed out of the shop with her. They walked in silence for a bit before she piped up again, "Santi, I'm glad you're here. I really miss Daddy, but I'm glad you make Mama happy."

"Thank you, Kayla. That means so much," she felt her heart swell and she blinked away tears. "I love her so much. She will always love your daddy, but I'm glad I can be here for you all. I love you and your brothers so much.. I just... Thank you for being okay with everything."

Kayla nodded, nibbling on her lower lip, "I didn't wanna be. I wanted to hate you cause you aren't Daddy. But you're really nice to me and my brothers and you make Mama smile and laugh. And that's good. So I thought about it a lot. Like a whole lot. And... you're not that bad. You're not Daddy," She glanced up at Santana shyly, "but you're pretty cool."

"I never want to replace your daddy, but I will always love you." she said as they walked into the store again.

* * *

><p>It was almost a week after Kayla got her glasses - and a great deal of compliments from Beth, her grandparents, Ajay and Mina and of course, her mama - and Rachel was in their home office, typing up her and Santana's schedules during the moment of quiet that Saturday afternoon. The children were out with Ajay and his family for an outing at the park, Santana having been too tired to go and Rachel not wanting to leave her alone. She'd just turned the page in her notebook to begin transcribing her scribbled entries onto their Lotus Notes calendars when she heard the panicked calling for her name.<p>

Scared and more than a little alarmed by the shrill note in her lover's voice, she'd thrown herself down the stairs towards their second floor bedroom where Santana had been napping, nearly falling and only catching herself at the last second. She'd ran down the hall, slipping on the carpet in stockinged feet and flung open the door. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Santana looked up, her face frozen in a panicked expression. "I can't feel the baby." Her voice was breathy and she was holding her hand against her stomach. "I can't feel it. It's been like 30 minutes, and it hasn't moved." She finally let the tears spill out of her eyes as she spoke. "What... what if it's like Alejandra. What if it's dead and I don't know it. What if..." She broke down into body shaking sobs as she spoke, her words dissolving into the tears.

Rachel breathed a sigh of relief that that was all it was and padded into the room, climbing on the bed with her lover and wrapping her arms around her. "That's normal, sweetheart," she whispered, pressing a kiss to Santana's head and rocking her gently, "The baby's just sleeping. If they don't move in another couple of hours, we'll call Dr Winters and go in to the office to make sure, okay? But I'm sure they're just sleeping, beautiful."

"But..." Santana whimpered, she remembered vividly that Alejandra just stopped moving one day. That she just stopped and Tobias kept telling her it was fine. "He said that too, and it wasn't fine Rachel! You got to deliver three healthy _full term_ babies! I had to have mine when she wasn't much older than ours! What if she's not okay?" Santana exclaimed her body shaking in fear.

"Santana," Rachel whispered against her head, doing her best to stay calm while Santana was panicked, "I am not Tobias and I do understand your fears. I promise you, love, we will go see Dr Winters immediately if she's not moving in another couple of hours. But babies sleep sometimes even while we're carrying them," she gently brushed her fingers over the swell of her lover's stomach. "Just give it a little while to make certain she's not just sleeping so we don't waste the good doctor's time. All you have to do is relax and let her sleep for a little while. You know it's not good to stress, beautiful."

Santana whimpered, her hand glued to where she last felt the press of the baby's foot. "I'm so scared she's gonna die again." Santana whispered, not realizing that she assigned a sex to the unborn baby. She was living in the past and she didn't know how to get past it.

"They're not going to die," Rachel spoke firmly, with no trace of doubt, "because we are going to take care of them and in another couple months you are going to give birth to a _beautiful_ child who is going to be perfect, Santana. I _assure_ you, our little one is just sleeping and if you give her a little while she will move again. There is no one who wants her to be safe more than me after you, beautiful." She stroked her fingers through Santana's hair, trying to calm her down. "Just relax, love. I'm here. I promise I won't let anything happen."

"I...I can't do this again." Santana was almost hyperventilating, her body breaking out in panicked breaths as she looked at her girlfriend. "Please, make her wake up. Please I need to feel her move!"

Rachel didn't know how to help Santana, but she did know how Jesse had calmed her when she'd panicked while carrying Kayla. She took a breath and licked her lips, "I know something that may help you, sweetheart, but you have to relax and let me take care of you and our little one." She let her fingers brush over the mound of Santana's belly before gently helping her out of her shirt, "This always both calmed me down and woke my little one up while I was pregnant but you have to relax, beautiful."

Santana was desperate, anything, she would do anything at that point to feel the annoying rolling around and kicking of her child. "Please." She whispered, her eyes damp with tears. She pulled her shirt off her head, not bothering to have put on a bra that day because her breasts had swelled so much that none of them fit. "Please just help."

Rachel nodded, leaning down to gently press kisses across the swell of their baby in her lover's stomach. "Just relax and let me take care of you. If she's not awake after this, we'll go to Dr Winters immediately. I promise you." She kissed Santana's swollen breasts, sucking softly on sensitive nipples as her hands gently caressed and stroked her belly. "I love you and this baby so, so much, Santana. I would never let anything happen to either of you."

The mother to be whimpered slightly, still trying to calm her tears as she raised a shaky hand up to her lover's shoulders. She needed the connection, her body was so tense and scared that she couldn't distinguish reality from the past and Rachel's lips on her skin started bringing her back to the ground.

The smaller woman kept her touch gentle, relaxing, even as she worked Santana up to arousal. She slid her hand carefully over the swell of her stomach and down under the waistband of her panties. Gently, she slipped between Santana's folds and slowly began to stroke light circles over her clit. "Relax, Santana, I have you. This always worked for me, I promise. It'll work for you too. I love you, sweetheart."

Santana was uncomfortable, she rolled onto her side a bit more so she could give Rachel better access. The entire time her hand stayed locked to her stomach where the baby last kicked. She looked up and watched Rachel, she was trying so hard to feel interested in what was going on and try to come back from her panic, but it wasn't working yet. She whimpered and reached for Rachel's other hand so she could try to focus on anything else.

It wasn't about sex. It was about the connection and Rachel was willing to take however long it took, do whatever Santana needed, to give that to her. She tangled her fingers with Santana's and squeezed. "It's okay, Santana," she whispered against her stomach, remembering how long it had taken her to calm down when she was panicking and Jesse was the one slowly loving her to try and calm her down. "I promise they're just sleeping." She kissed over the protruding belly button, "That they're just tired from all the swimming they've been doing in there."

"Alejandra just stopped..." She gasped out in a upset breath. "She just stopped, Rachel... she just stopped and they wouldn't... I... they took her out... she was so little, Rachel!" Santana sobbed into her pillow. She had never dealt with her daughter's death, not like she should have. After everything, after all the trauma and pain with Tobias, she never faced it. She was now faced with a situation that felt so familiar to her, that felt so real because she had felt like she lived it before.

Rachel pulled her hands from Santana's body, wiping her damp fingers off on her shirt - making a mental note to change before the children arrived home - and reached up to cup her cheeks and make her meet her eyes. "Santana, listen to me." She spoke clearly and calmly, "This is not the same. This is you and me. Tobias is not a part of this. What happened with Alejandra was terribly sad and I wish nothing more than that I could take that pain from you, that I could have at least _been there_ for you. But this is _our_ baby. _Our_ little one. And you are going to be an _amazing_ mother."

She kissed her softly, "You already are. You're doing everything right, love. _Everything_. No one is going to poison our child. No one is going to hurt them. And that is the _only_ reason little Alejandra isn't with us now. Because that horrible man hurt you until she couldn't take any more. You did _everything_ to protect her. I swear to you, I won't let that happen to our little one." She pressed another kiss to her lover's lips, her own cheeks dampening with tears as she pulled back. "I swear to you, Santana. I would die before I allowed anything to happen to any of our children."

Santana listened and nodded. She clutched onto Rachel as she tried to shake the image of holding her deceased daughter in her arms. She sobbed into Rachel's neck, holding her close and griping her tightly, scared that she might disappear if she let go. Her body wore out after a long period of crying, her mind and soul exhausted. She finally calmed down enough to speak and breathe normally. "Please make it not hurt anymore?"

Rachel nodded and kissed away the tears from her lover's face. "Just let me take care of you," she whispered, gently tracing the lines of Santana's body with just the tips of her fingers. She stroked and caressed, easing her finger over every inch of her lover's body in a gentle, soothing massage. "It'll be okay. They'll wake up and you'll be frustrated and unable to get comfortable all over again. Now, I'm going to touch you in all the ways you like. It'll boost your heart rate and get more blood flowing as well as release endorphins to make you feel better, and all of that combined with," she smiled up at Santana, "the uterine contractions of your orgasm will wake our little one up and make them start beating you up from the inside again."

"Okay." Santana whimpered, her head still confused but she was willing to try anything to get the child inside her to move again. She reached up and kissed Rachel softly, her lips not really moving against her lovers but she wanted to try and she wanted her lover's touch.

"Please." She whispered, "I love you. Please help me wake them up. Please make all the pain and hurt go away."

Rachel wanted to cry at the hurt in Santana's voice, but she pushed it down and focused on making slow love to her partner. She cupped her breasts, squeezing gently at the tender mounds, brushing over the tips with her thumbs. "I will. I'll do anything for you and our little one, Santana. Anything at all."

Santana sighed, her body starting to react this time now that she had calmed down a bit. She watched carefully as Rachel teased breasts that had gone up a cup size with the newly developing milk ducts. She watched as her girlfriend carefully stroked her stomach and whispered words of love.

Tobias never touched her like this. He never caressed her skin or told her he loved her. Even when she remembered being with him, he was never considerate. Rachel loved her, Rachel trusted her to carry their child...

Almost as if she heard the thoughts running through her lover's head, Rachel looked up from where she'd been pressing kisses to the tight skin over Santana's belly and smiled at her, delicately tracing patterns on the smooth skin. "I love you, Santana. And in few months, we're going to hardly sleep because this little one is going to be keeping us running all the time taking care of them. And that's how it's supposed to be."

She slid her hand carefully into Santana's underwear again, cupping her, but not pressing between her folds. "I want to touch you, but I don't want to do anything you don't want me to."

"Please," Santana reached for Rachel, "stay up here." She whimpered needing reassurance through kisses and the woman's love. "Please just kiss me?"

Rachel smiled softly, brushing her lips against Santana's as she just let her hand rest against her lover's core, cupping gently. "Always, Santana." She kissed her again, "Forever." Another kiss, "I'll kiss you every moment of every day if you ask me to." Again their lips brushed, "I don't care who sees or what they may say so long as I'm allowed to kiss you with all the love I possess in my heart for you." And she finally allowed their lips to connect for longer than a brush, deepening the kiss slowly, trying to show Santana through the soft movement just how much she was loved.

Santana whimpered and moved her lips to press against Rachel's for a long moment. She kissed her back, keeping the connection as she let her eyes fall closed. "I love you." She whispered and rested her head in Rachel's neck as she felt her lover's fingers start gently stroking her.

"I love you too," Rachel whispered into her ear, finally allowing her fingers to slip between Santana's soft folds and gently caress her clit, "You and our children are my entire world, Santana. I will do whatever it takes, up to and including breaking my vow of non-violence to keep you safe. _No one_ will harm you or them while I draw breath," her voice was fierce for a moment, "because it kills me to see any of you scared or hurt. Rest, love, let me show you my love for you as I wake up our little one to reassure you. It'll be okay. I promise you."

She nodded and let her eyes close as Rachel's hands and lips moved over Santana's body. She whimpered at the feelings that started taking over her body when Rachel touched her.

"I'll be beside you for the rest of your life, Santana Lopez," Rachel whispered against her pulse, "No one and nothing can take me from you." She cupped a breast in her free hand, gently stroking a thumb around her aureole, "I love you and our family loves you. You're safe. Our baby is safe." She slid down enough to press a kiss to the swell of her stomach before moving back up to return her lips to the tanned column of her lover's neck. "And nothing will happen to them."

She stroked carefully over Santana's clit, occasionally dipping down to moisten her fingers in the arousal seeping from her entrance. She took her time, slowly building the feelings in her lover until her fingers were drenched in wetness sliding over the stiff gland.

Santana arched, her breath quickening as she let the feelings of Rachel touching her flow through her body. She brought one of her hands up and let it glide over her breast, her palm resting flat against her nipple before gently squeezing it. She grasped when she felt one of Rachel's fingers slide into her core.

"R-rach." She moaned as she pressed her hips down into Rachel's hand.

"I'm right here, love. Always," she whispered, slowly stroking in and out of her lover's body. "I love you so much." She carefully added a second finger, but didn't stop the careful and deliberate pace she'd set, curling her fingers to just brush against Santana's g-spot with each stroke, her thumb gently tracing circles around her lover's clit as she did.

The darker woman's jaw dropped open with a silent gasp, her body arching to seek out her lover's. She looked up into Rachel's eyes and moaned softly as she writhed under her touch. "C-close." Santana whispered, her breath coming out in shallow pants as she got closer and closer to the edge.

Rachel caught her lips in a softly passionate kiss, gently stroking her tongue over her lower lip. "Come for me, beautiful, wake our child..." She stilled her pumping, choosing to focus her attention on the clit and g-spot, carefully but firmly rubbing against each as her lips moved against her lover's.

After a few more moments, Santana arched up and shuddered silently. She whimpered and clenched around Rachel's fingers and she get out a soft gasp. "Rachel!" she called softly as she arched off the bed. She breathed through her high, her body twitched with exhaustion and relief as she came down.

Rachel carefully stroked through her climax, pulling out as Santana came down, wiping her hand on her clothing and wrapping her arms around her lover. "Now," she kissed the side if Santana's head, "let's just stay still for a moment and wait for our little one to let you know they're okay."

Santana looked smaller than her size as she curled up into Rachel, her stomach pressing into Rachel's stomach as she rested her head on Rachel's chest. She listened to her girlfriend's heart, trying to listen to the words said earlier. She wanted to believe that their child was okay, but she was too traumatized to believe anything but the worst.

It took long enough that even Rachel was feeling a little anxious, but eventually there was a smack against her stomach from Santana's belly. She laughed delightedly, running her hand over her lover's bare belly, encouraging the little one to tap against the walls holding them again and again. "See, beautiful? I told you they'd be okay."

She pressed a kiss to Santana's hair with a relieved smile. "Tomorrow, we'll go in and see Dr Winters and get a full workup and make absolutely certain they're okay. Does that sound good?"

Santana's hand quickly moved to her stomach when she felt a kick and she sighed relieved that she could feel the light pressure. "I still want to. I need to make sure... I'm sorry. I'm so scared that she will be gone again." Santana whispered, her hands tangling with Rachel's as the baby moved around in the woman's stomach.

"It's okay to be scared, Santana. I was with all of mine and I never faced what you did." Rachel gently stroked her hair, "You have nothing to be sorry for. It's my job as your partner, your lover, and the other mother of your child to reassure you when you're scared and take away that fear." She kissed her head softly, "Okay?"

"Okay." Santana whispered, "I.. I just keep picturing Alejandra..." She heard her voice crack as she spoke. "I... I felt her kick a couple times, I had laid down to sleep and I was talking to her while I was still alone, playing some kick ass Lauren hill to her and reading the baby book..." She took a breath as she continued the story. "I read that she should be more active, that I should feel her kick and move around." she squeezed Rachel's hand and closed her eyes.

"So, when Tobias came to bed I asked him to touch my stomach and try to make his daughter move." She swallowed, "He... he wouldn't. He said that she wasn't really a baby until she was out and that he didn't want to talk to my stomach. So I stayed up... all night and tried to feel her... I tried to will her to move and I couldn't. I waited... I waited two day's Rachel." She looked down, ashamed that she didn't go get herself checked out when she knew something was wrong. "I waited until I started feeling sick, till I got a really bad fever and I passed out and had to taken to the hospital. When I got there... They did an ultra sound and the nurses looked sad, they looked at me with such sadness and they asked me where my husband was." She looked up Rachel, "I couldn't find him and they told me they had to take the baby out... I just keep sitting here, knowing what the baby looks like at 6 months. I've held a child at 6 months, she wasn't warm. Not like Alex was when he was born. She looked like a doll and I couldn't believe she was _gone_. Tobias never came until the next day, when they had taken the baby and sent her to get cremated. He never asked me if I was okay. He never once asked if I needed help or someone to talk to... I just thought I shouldn't deal with it. But... She was my _daughter_ and I lost her."

Rachel just listened quietly, softly stroking Santana's hair as she worked her way through the heartbreaking story. She couldn't help the tears trickling down her face as she pressed her lips to the top of her lover's head. "Tobias was a horrible, _horrible_ person, Santana. A monster to you and the little one he murdered. I am so sorry, so _so_ sorry you had to experience that, love. I would do anything if I could just go back and keep that from happening to you. You were young and you didn't know what was happening. It's not your fault, Santana. It's not. I promise."

She held Santana closely to her, pressing her cheek against her hair, "We're going to do everything to make sure you don't go through that again. But it's okay to grieve, sweetheart. It's okay to cry because you lost your little girl. I'm right here and I promise I won't go anywhere. If you need to, we'll find someone to help you through this, but I promise that I may not be a professional, but I will always be here to hold you and listen..."

"I know.." Santana whispered, her body curling even more into Rachel's. They stayed like that for awhile before Santana started to shiver. "I should get dressed before the kids get home..." she sat up, needing some time alone to think, "I'm going to take a bath, I'll be out soon, okay?"

Rachel smiled at her, biting her lip and looking at her with a mixture of sadness and love as she let her hand trail down over her back as she stood. "Alright, Santana, but please let me know if you need me at any time. I'm going to make an appointment for us to see Dr Winters tomorrow to check on our little one, but I won't be far, I promise."

She got up with some effort and slowly walked into the bathroom and started drawing a bath. She laid in the water, her hand stroking her stomach as she did so. "I love you, I love you so much... Just stop scaring me okay?" she whispered.


	40. Chapter 40: Distraction

**Chapter 40**

Two weeks after Santana's freak out about the baby not moving, everything was better. She had calmed down some and stopped worrying as much, relying on the doctor and her girlfriend to tell her the that the baby was okay. She was seven months pregnant and her body was on fire half the time with want and exhausted the other half the time. She got up from her desk after nearly a half an hour of wiggling in her chair trying to get comfortable. She had just finished a meeting with the executive team and, her schedule now clear until later, she quickly headed to her girlfriend's office down the hall. Santana pushed through the door, closed and locked it after herself.

"Rachel?" She murmured as she moved closer to the woman's desk, her face breaking out into a grin when she realized that Rachel was wearing a skirt that day.

Rachel, for her part, was getting frustrated. She didn't know how Santana managed to keep on top of things for so long and make it look so easy on top of everything else. And with the director of Artist Relations out for two weeks to help with his new baby - leaving her to take care of his department _alone_ - she was about ready to tear her hair out and scream in frustration.

When Santana came in, her collar was undone and her normally neatly kept hair was tied back in a rumpled ponytail, strands of hair going everywhere from how often she'd been scratching at her head or running her fingers over her hair as she tried to puzzle through Director Peterson's notes. Her cheaters - she refused to get regular glasses - slid down her nose as her head jerked up at the unexpected entrance.

"Santana?" She looked confused and frazzled, "Is everything okay? Oh my gosh, it's not time to leave already is it? I've hardly even _started_ on figuring out what Greg left in my lap..."

The pregnant woman just looked at her moved and moved closer, she pulled the woman's chair out and quickly dropped to her knees in front of her. "Keep working." Santana explained as she began running her hands up Rachel's legs. "Keep working, I'll make you feel better."

Rachel started, confused, at the first touch of gentle hands on her thighs. "W-what... Santana! My curtains are open! What are you doing... Anyone could see!"

She was feeling anxious and self-conscious, knowing she hardly looked her best at that moment, but it was Santana. The beautiful mother of their child. And she couldn't help the way her nipples hardened under her shirt just looking down at the pregnant woman kneeling before her and slowly stroking her thighs.

The kneeling woman looked up and smiled softly as she slid her hands up the woman's thighs. "I want you. I want you now and I don't care who sees." Santana pulled Rachel's panties down and shoved them in the pocket of her cardigan before moving the skirt up Rachel's waist before slipping her head under and letting the fabric fall over her head as she placed kisses to her girlfriend's thighs.

"S-santana..." Rachel's voice trembled as she tried to let her breath out in a controlled sigh instead of the gasp that threatened to leap from her throat at the first brush of warm lips over her sensitive inner thighs.

She dragged her eyes open in time to catch a confused looking Mary from HR trying to open the - thankfully - locked door. She shook her head with a weak smile, holding up a sheaf of papers from her desk and trying desperately not to tremble at her lover's touch. Rachel sighed with relief as Mary smiled sympathetically and walked away.

"Y-you could have c-closed the cur- o-_oh_... curtains," she choked out, her legs spreading for her girlfriend as she tried desperately to look like she was working as the hall outside seemed to become Grand Central Station.

Santana just nipped at Rachel's thighs and kissed her way up to the diva's core. She pressed light kisses to Rachel's bare mound, sliding her tongue up the woman's cleft and flicked it over Rachel's clit. She kept stroking her over and over again with her tongue as she slowly worked her girlfriend to dripping wet.

"Oh God," Rachel gasped, her legs spreading as wide as they could in the confines of her skirt and chair. She hooked a leg over Santana's shoulder and barely managed to choke off a moan. The pencil in her hand was creaking ominously with the force of her grip, as she tried to contain her reactions.

She wanted to writhe. To gasp, moan and scream how amazing Santana could make her feel. But she was on display in her glass walled office where anyone could look in. She didn't know what Santana was thinking, but she was terribly nervous and it was hard to get as into what was happening as her lover clearly wanted her to as quickly as she usually did. She kept her back hunched slightly, trying to minimize how obvious her painfully tight nipples were to the people outside.

Santana kept bringing Rachel to a frenzy of want. She captured the woman's clit between her lips and started gently sucking on it, her fingers gently sliding up and down Rachel's thighs as she did so. After a few minutes Santana slid two fingers into Rachel's tight core as she kept sucking.

"S-santana," she finally gasped, unable to relax enough to find release while people could see. "Santana, s-stop! I... I can't! I'm sorry! I just can't while I'm being _watched_..."

When Santana heard _stop_ she pulled away. Her lips and chin were wet with Rachel's want, she looked up from under thick eyelashes and sucked the silky liquid off her fingers as she watched her. Santana said nothing, she just sat back on her heels and looked up into hooded eyes.

"I," Rachel swallowed hard, trying to get her trembling legs under control, "I j-just... just need to close the curtains..."

She stood on legs she wasn't sure could support her weight in that moment and smoothed her skirt down. Crossing the floor as quickly as she could, she smiled brightly at the passersby and pulled the cord to let the curtains swing shut. As soon as the room was private again, she turned to where her lover was standing from behind the desk, her heart beating fast in her chest.

"You, love, are an _evil_ woman," she shook her head with a smirk, pacing forward and unbuttoning her blouse as she did. "Now... I find myself intensely aroused and, as it is _entirely_ your fault, what do you plan to do about it?" The blouse dangled from her fingertips for a moment before she let it fall leaving her in nothing but a black lace bra, her skirt, and her thigh high stockings and heels.

Santana licked her lips, and pulled off her shirt and pushed down her skirt so she could match her girlfriend's nudity. She wore a red matching panty and bra set that barely held in her breasts and rested under her belly. She walked closer and pulled Rachel into a hard kiss as she gently stroked her hands across the lace. "Fucking sexy." She moaned as she tweaked the woman's nipples.

Rachel's hands slid over the sides of Santana's breasts to brush lightly over her stomach, "So are you." Her voice trembled with want as she dipped her lips to her lover's neck, biting gently over the pulse throbbing just under her skin. "I want you to take me, Santana," she whispered in her lover's ear, "push me down and make me forget work and just know _you_ for a little while..."

"I can do that." Santana whispered, her lips wrapping around Rachel's earlobe before pulling away and pushing her closer to the couch. She bent Rachel so her arms were bracing her on the back of the couch and her back and ass were exposed to the room. Santana pressed her lips to the woman's lower back, knowing that she couldn't slide their bodies together anymore with the extra inches in her front so she wanted to try taking her from behind. She slid her hands down creamy skin and down to Rachel's ass and she slid her hand in between Rachel's legs and pressed two fingers into the other girl.

"So fucking wet." She grunted and started thrusting hard into her girlfriend's pussy as she reached her other hand around and twisted Rachel's nipples between her fingers.

Rachel gasped and pressed back into Santana. It felt like she was being touched so much deeper than usual and she couldn't help but ride the woman's digits. "Oh!" she gasped at the pinched nipple, rolling her hips, "M-more, Santana... T-three... I don't want to think of anything but you loving me right now..."

With a grunt and a flick of her wrist, Santana slid another finger into Rachel's core. She heard the woman's breath hitch at the feeling of being stretched, which made her moan in appreciation. Santana braced her larger body against her with her hand roughly squeezing Rachel's breast as she continued to fuck her _hard_, their bodies swaying with the force of the encounter.

Rachel's hands clenched on the back of the couch so hard the material groaned under her fingers. With each hard thrust into her body she let out a short, sharp cry, her head dropping to hang between her arms and mouth gaping open to drag in as much breath as she could as her lover took her. She moved with her, pushing back into each thrust, the force scooting the heavy couch slightly forward.

"Y-yes," she panted, at first, "Yes, Santana, yes... Oh my _God_, Santana..." Then the sensations swept her away and it was all she could do to gasp for air and let out soft grunts and moans. Everything was building to a fever pitch in her body on top of the workup the pregnant woman had already given her. She teetered on the edge of an explosion waiting to occur.

Santana heard the tone change in her lover, she knew she was on edge. Santana pressed her lips to the small of Rachel's back as she twisted her fingers and hit against the spot nestled deep inside her. Rachel's body clenched around her fingers, holding them in a nearly vise-like grip as she stiffened, her muscles clenching so hard she couldn't even breathe for a moment.

For the moment of her climax, it seemed like everything froze. She couldn't hear anything. Couldn't _see_ anything. Then she was sweeping along on rush of endorphins, like a kayaker caught in the current of the river being dragged inexorably over the cliff of the Palouse Falls, plunging down without any way to stop or slow down. She didn't have the breath to cry out or even gasp, the air remaining trapped in her lungs instead of coming out of her gaping lips. She panted for breath as she began to calm down, her entire body trembling in the aftermath of her orgasm at her lover's hands.

Santana whimpered and pulled out and licked her fingers. "I love you." she curled around her lover.

Rachel rolled over, dropping down onto the couch and wrapping her arms around her pregnant partner. "I love you too," she whispered, still breathing heavily. "I just... you make me feel amazing, Santana." She kissed her, trailing her lips over her jaw and nipping at her ear. "Can I touch you?" she asked, knowing how the hormones always made her crave intimate contact during her later months and wondering if it was the same for her lover.

Santana groaned and nodded. "Please. Please, baby. I woke up thinking about you. I woke up wanting your mouth on my breasts." she emphasised her words with stroking her own chest and biting her lips.

Rachel chuckled softly, remembering days like that. She shifted so that Santana was resting on the couch, reaching up to undo the front clasp of her bra. "I can do that," she whispered, kissing her lover's pregnant belly, her hands drifting over soft skin to cup and gently knead full breasts.

She tried to avoid putting weight on her lover, opting to crouch over her, knees on the sofa on either side of slim hips as she kissed up her body. She caressed with lips and tongue and tiny nips, showering the pregnant woman with soft affection as she made her way up to the soft mounds of her breasts. Her tongue lathed pebbled skin with moisture before pulling back and blowing softly over them until they stood up in stiff peaks. Smiling at her accomplishment, she leaned down and carefully took one of the buds into her mouth, sucking and gently squeezing with her teeth.

"Careful," Santana warned, she had started noticing that her body had decided it was ready to nourish her unborn child so with the even more swollen breasts came a new realization she was to give birth soon. Her words dropped off as she felt Rachel sucking gently.

Rachel just smiled around the nipple in her mouth. After three pregnancies of her own, she was well aware of what Santana was warning her about. Especially after the tiny bit of fluid coated her tongue. It didn't taste like much, a little salty maybe, but nothing to freak out about. She swallowed it and released the nipple, kissing her way over to the other breast. "It's nothing to worry about, love. Just a little pre-milk." She lightly kissed the stiff peak, flicking it with just the tip of her tongue. "If it bothers you, I'll stop though..."

Santana shook her head. "Feels so good." she whispered tangling her fingers in Rachel's hair. "They just feel full.." she remarked watching her lover.

"Well, they are," Rachel pointed out, her hands cupping and stroking Santana's breasts. "It's hardly anything to be ashamed of or worried about, Santana." As the last word left her lips, she took the thus far neglected nipple between her lips and began sucking gently, lightly scraping the pebbled flesh with her teeth.

"Fuck." Santana groaned, her body on fire from the feelings coming through her. Santana's short nails raked through dark hair and pulled Rachel closer.

Rachel moaned against Santana's skin at the feeling of the nails scraping against her scalp, her lips vibrating against tender flesh. She released the stiff peak with a soft pop, raising her head to look at Santana as she slid a hand between them to brush over the swell of her stomach leading down to the barrier of her panties. "Can I taste you?" she whispered.

"Please," Santana panted, her fingers falling from her hair. "How do you want me?" she whispered, knowing they couldn't really be adventurous with her belly.

"You're perfect just the way you are, love," Rachel murmured, beginning to kiss her way down her lover's gravid body, fingers sliding under the waistband of her panties and starting to ease them down past her hips.

Reaching over, she picked up one of the small pillows from the end of the sofa and slid it under Santana's hips, raising her up. She nudged her legs, easing one down off the sofa and the other up over her shoulder. Pressing a kiss to the top of her mound, she looked up over the swell of her belly. "I love you, Santana," she spoke softly, her eyes dark as each breath brought more of the heady scent of her lover's arousal into her nose, "If I do anything to make you uncomfortable, just tell me to stop. You're in control, beautiful."

"I love you." she whispered and rested her back against the fabric as felt the hot breath against her skin. "Baby, please don't tease."

"Never, Santana." Rachel whimpered, sliding her tongue between her lover's folds and gathering her juices on her tongue before holding them apart and taking the stiff bud of her clit between her lips, flicking the tip of her tongue over it.

Santana grunted wantonly, her hips arching up and one hand moving to her stomach. She wiggled around her body more sensitive then ever before. She was panting and trying to focus on staying quiet.

"Thank God for soundproofing," Rachel murmured, sliding down to press her tongue into Santana's core, stroking around her walls just inside her entrance. She moaned softly at the taste - different from what she was used to with the changes in chemistry from the pregnancy, but still delightful to her - and started carefully sliding her fingers through the wetness still slicked through her lover's folds.

Santana whimpered and she arched up, her nipples stood at attention against the feelings firming through her body. She was so close to the edge she could taste it, but her body was not willing to let get go over. Getting the feeling she was teasing the other woman too much, Rachel changed tactics.

Crawling up the woman's body, she licked and nibbled at soft skin, her fingers sliding around and around Santana's clit. When she reached her breasts, she caught one between her lips, latching teeth around the nub and tugging gently as she slid two fingers into the other woman and started pumping, curling to rub against her g-spot. She twisted her wrist so that her palm ground against Santana's clit with each thrust, slowly picking up speed.

"Shit! Fuck!" Santana gasped at the sensations, her body spasmmed and released a strong jolt as she fell into her orgasm. Her mouth dropped open and she moaned as she shook and gaped with pleasure. Rachel groaned against the nipple caught in her mouth at the feeling of Santana clinching around her. She did her best to stroke through the orgasm before sliding back down her body and carefully cleaning off the traces of their lovemaking with gentle swipes of her tongue as she carefully eased out of her. Looking up at Santana with a smile, she swirled her tongue over her fingers before sliding them into her mouth, sucking off her lover's juices.

"Delicious," she murmured, letting her eyes fall closed so she could properly appreciate her lover's taste.

Santana leaned down awkwardly and kissed Rachel, savoring the taste on her lips. "Te amo."

Rachel curled her fingers behind Santana's neck, enjoying the kiss for a moment before pulling away just enough that her lips brushed the other woman's as she spoke. "I love you too, beautiful." She gently stroked Santana's cheek with her free hand, smiling knowingly. "Hormones get the better of you?"

"Mmhum." she rested against her love. "Sleepy now." she pouted, her body frazzled by the strain and expression of lust. "Did I help your day suck less?"

"You always make my day suck less, love." Rachel replied with a soft laugh. "Let's get you redressed and you can nap here on the couch if you'd like." She brushed her fingers through Santana's hair, "I rather like the idea of being able to look up and see you sleeping. It's a very soothing visual after all and may help me maintain my equilibrium while forging through the mess that is Greg's handwriting."

Santana struggled to get dressed, giving up trying to put her panties back on as she carefully curled up on the faux leather couch. "Sing to me?" she whispered, her eyes already falling closed, allowing herself to be needy for a little while longer.

"Of course," Rachel smiled softly, walking over to her file cabinet and pulling a soft fleece blanket from the bottom drawer, returning to drape it over her lover. "Do you have any requests?" she asked, sitting on the edge of the couch and brushing her fingers through dark hair.

Santana shook her head no, too tired to become annoyed with herself for being so needy. "Anything," she mumbled and reached for her lover's hand.

Rachel tangled her fingers with Santana, happy to be able to offer comfort to the woman who meant so much to her. Thinking a moment, she took a breath and softly began singing. "For you, we steer a house of smoke and brick and I keep it all. For you, bedecked with bicycles to pick and I keep it all. For you, it wouldn't do wandering all adrift so I keep it all. For you, there's fire in the belly of our ship, I keep it all."

She continued stroking her fingers through dark hair as she sang, her voice mellowed with age and lack of dedicated practice from the crisp sharpness of her youth, but she still played it like the finely tuned instrument it was. It dipped and flowed through the song, softening it from the quick cadence of the original into a languid ballad as she adjusted it to fit her voice on the fly. She loved singing - it had been her life for so long - but she contented herself with saving her performances for those she loved best. With three little children and one on the way, there was no way she would ever take a stage and abandon them.

Santana drifted off to sleep listening to her sing to her. She smiled softly and let herself drift away. Once she was sure that the other woman had fallen asleep, Rachel let go of her hand and settled it against her chest, tucking the blanket around her so she wouldn't catch a chill. Humming softly to herself, she unlocked her office door and made her way back over to her desk, sighing softly as she took up her pencil and began working through the mess again, glancing up every now and then to smile softly at her sleeping partner as she did.


	41. Chapter 41: Hospital

**Chapter 41**

It started off innocently, as these things do. Two boys playing in bed, laughing and pushing and enjoying being brothers. Perhaps they werenﾒt supposed to be playing like that in their bunkbeds, but their Mama was off at work and Santana had laid down for a nap and they were having _fun_.

Alex hadnﾒt meant to push Cale so hard. He was just a little boy. He hadnﾒt realized how close his big brother was to the edge.

So when Cale yelped and tumbled over the edge to smack into the ground with an awful crack, Alex could only clutch on the edge of the bed and look over in horror. He was scared heﾒd see his brother not moving like happened with bad guys in their comic books sometimes, but Cale was moving when he finally got up the courage to open his eyes. Scrambling down the ladder so fast he almost slipped twice, he scurried to the older boyﾒs side.

ﾓDonﾒt cry, Caley!ﾔ He whimpered, his hands reaching out to tug on his big brotherﾒs shirt. ﾓPlease donﾒt cry! Iﾒm sorry!ﾔ

Cale just sobbed, holding his left arm tight against his chest and rocking back and forth. ﾓHurts! It hurts, Lex!ﾔ

ﾓIﾒm gonna get Mommy!ﾔ Alex scrambled to his feet, bursting out of their room and sprinting down the hall, all but throwing himself down the stairs to get help for his brother. He smashed into the door to his parentsﾒ bedroom, scrabbling at the door knob. ﾓMommy!ﾔ he cried, tears streaming down his face, ﾓMommy, _help_! Caleyﾒs hurt! Iﾒm sorry, Mommy! I didnﾒt mean to!ﾔ

Santana opened her eyes when she heard a child slam into the door, she struggled to sit up when he clamoured into the room. She had gone to lay down after lunch, the kids had the day off school and with her advanced stage of pregnancy it had been suggested that she take it easy - which more or less meant working from home for the final weeks of her term. She had just started falling asleep when Alex busted into the room sobbing.

ﾓWhat?ﾔ Santana asked, slightly alarmed as she tried to understand his words. ﾓCale? Whats wrong sweetie?ﾔ She pushed for him to speak more clearly so she could understand.

Alex ran in and buried his face in Santanaﾒs side, sobbing brokenly, ﾓI hurt Caley, Mommy! Iﾒm sorry! I didnﾒt mean to! Come help! Make Caley better, Mommy!ﾔ

When the words _Cale_ and _hurt_ came out of Alexﾒs mouth, she was up. ﾓOkay, come on.ﾔ She got up as quick as she could and waddled to the flight of stairs. She could hear Caleb crying above them. She was shaking with fear, but she couldnﾒt move much faster than she was. She hoisted herself up the eight steps to the top floor. Alex was trying to pull her and she had to grab her hand away when he almost pulled her over. ﾓStop, Alex.ﾔ She said, her voice wavering in fear.

She quickly went into the boyﾒs room and saw her son, clutching his arm on the floor. Kayla had come in from her room and was trying to calm him down, but she was crying as she talked to him. Santana moved close to him and lowered herself to the ground. She ran her fingers through his hair, ﾓTell me what hurts, baby.ﾔ She whispered, her own tears getting ready to fall down her cheeks.

Cale was still crying, but calming a little from the hysterical tears that had followed his plummet as first his big sister and then Santana came. ﾓM-my arm,ﾔ he whimpered, ﾓmy arm hurts a lot, Santa...ﾔ

Kayle bit her lip, looking up at Santana worriedly through her glasses, ﾓItﾒs really, really tender in the middle, Santi. He cries harder whenever I touch it. I think it might be broken...ﾔ

ﾓYeah.ﾔ Santana whispered as she checked over the little boyﾒs arm. ﾓKayla, can you call Ajay? He... He should be around and we need to take Cale to the hospital.ﾔ She leaned down and picked her small son up and carefully held him. ﾓItﾒs okay _hijo_,ﾔ she whispered, ﾓIt will be okay. Youﾒre being so brave.ﾔ She rocked him back and forth as he cried.

Cale sobbed and snuggled into Santanaﾒs embrace, carefully holding his arm protectively against his chest. Kayla nodded and took off out of the room to call the driver as Alex sat on the bed and looked worried and upset. The youngest of the children wrung his hands together and looked terrified about his big brother hurting.

ﾓMake him better, Mommy,ﾔ he whispered, rocking on the bed and hugging his stomach as if it hurt, hazel eyes never leaving his brother.

Cale sniffled, ﾓHurts, Mom...ﾔ

ﾓI know it does baby.ﾔ She cooed, kissing his head before looking over to Alex. ﾓCale will be okay, Alex. It was an accident. Come here, baby,ﾔ She reached her hand out to Alex and hugged him too while she waited for Kayla to tell her that Ajay was on his way. She was trying to figure out how to get her son downstairs without hurting him. ﾓAlex? Can you get your shoes on and grab yours and Caleﾒs coats so we can go when Ajay comes?ﾔ She sniffled, her heart breaking seeing how scared both her boys were.

Alex nodded, jumping up and running to the closet to kick his shoes on and tug their coats down. He came back over and carefully laid Caleﾒs jacket over him. ﾓIﾒm sorry, Caley. I didnﾒ mean to...ﾔ

ﾓI know,ﾔ Cale sniffled, looking up and trying to give his little brother a brave smile. ﾓMy fault too, kay, ﾑLex?ﾔ

Alex nodded again and carefully hugged Cale, giving him a kiss on the cheek. ﾓIﾒm gonna wait for Ajay with Kayla, Mommy.ﾔ

Cale bit his lip almost to bleeding his arm hurt so bad and tried to sit up. ﾓI can walk downstairs, Mom,ﾔ he whispered with a painful wince and whimper as he accidentally jarred his arm while moving. ﾓYou gotta take care of the baby...ﾔ

Santana shook her head. ﾓI am,ﾔ She whispered, pushing his shaggy hair back. She carefully put the zipper -front sweatshirt over his bad arm and slid his good arm in it. ﾓYouﾒre my baby,ﾔ She rested her forehead against his. ﾓYou can cry. It hurts, you can cry. But, Iﾒm gonna take you to the doctor and get you fixed up okay?ﾔ

He nodded jerkily, ﾓOkay.ﾔ His voice was soft. ﾓI donﾒt havﾒta go to the hospital do I, Mom? I donﾒt wanna go to the hospital like Daddy did...ﾔ

Santana smiled hearing him call her mom again, ﾓItﾒs a fast hospital. Not like how your daddy was, I promise, okay?ﾔ She whispered and heard footsteps coming up the stairs. She looked over at Ajay. ﾓHe broke his arm.ﾔ She said.

ﾓMy boys do that at least once a year,ﾔ He smiled reassuringly as he came over and knelt down next to the mother-to-be and the injured boy.

ﾓTheyﾒre okay though, right?ﾔ She asked quietly, getting up with a struggle as Ajay helped Cale stand.

ﾓAbsolutely,ﾔ he grinned at her, ﾓYou saw them just last week, so Iﾒd call that evidence, donﾒt you think? Weﾒre gonna take you to the doctor and get you a little cast, alright, little man?ﾔ

Cale smiled through his tears at the genial older man, ﾓAlright, Ajay. Can I ride up front?ﾔ

ﾓMaybe on the way home, but for now,ﾔ Ajay nodded at Santana as he helped her down the stairs, ﾓI think maybe itﾒd be better for you to ride in back with Santana and your brother and sister.ﾔ

Cale nodded, carefully making his way down the stairs cradling his injured arm. ﾓOkay.ﾔ He sniffed, biting back a whimper as the jarring motion of walking down the stairs transmitted up through his arm with each step.

Santana watched sadly, she wanted to pick him up and carry him but she knew she couldnﾒt. When she got downstairs, she shoved her feet into her shoes and held Alexﾒs hand as they got into the car. Tucking one arm around Cale and holding him close, she pulled out her phone and quickly called Rachel on the way to the hospital.

* * *

><p>ﾓI donﾒt fucking care about your wait time!ﾔ Santana exclaimed at the receptionist at the emergency room. ﾓMy child has a broken arm, heﾒs in pain and I pay a lot of money to have health care for my children and I want him seen now!ﾔ<p>

ﾓI understand that, maﾒam,ﾔ the nurse patiently explained, again, ﾓbut this emergency room operates on a triage policy. And your son is not as severely injured as others. I assure you that he will be seen as soon as possible and -ﾔ

ﾓWhere is he? Whereﾒs my son?ﾔ Rachelﾒs familiar voice cut through the noise of the ER waiting area, the mother looking harried and dishevelled as she made her way through the doors. ﾓSantana! Where is he? Is he okay?ﾔ She gripped her loverﾒs arms as soon as she was close enough, ﾓPlease tell me heﾒs okay!ﾔ

The pregnant woman pulled her girlfriend into a hug. ﾓHeﾒs okay. Heﾒs okay he just fell off his bed and hurt his arm.ﾔ She whispered and pointed over to where Kayla was sitting holding Alex on her lap and holding Caleﾒs good hand. She pushed Rachel over to the children and turned to the woman. She threw down the forms and looked sternly at the woman.

ﾓCaleb Ezekiel St. James.ﾔ She glared, ﾓI hope to hear him called soon.ﾔ With that she went back to her family and kissed Alex and Kaylaﾒs heads as Rachel doted over Cale.

* * *

><p>It took nearly two hours before Caleﾒs name was called to admit him into the ER. Almost another hour after that before the x-ray opened up. But they were finally standing in the small treatment room with a terribly young looking doctor slipping the black and white films into the lightbox on the wall.<p>

ﾓIf youﾒll look here,ﾔ he pointed to a thin black line moving through the white of Caleﾒs ulna, ﾓdo you see this line? Thatﾒs the break. Now, it looks like nothing more than a simple green stick fracture.ﾔ He smiled reassuringly at the mothers, ﾓTheyﾒre extremely common, especially in active little boys. All we need to do is put a cast on it to make sure it doesnﾒt aggravate into something worse as it heals and in a couple months heﾒll be good as new.ﾔ

Santana breath came out in a relieved puff as she looked at the x-ray from her chair - which she was more than ordered to sit in by her worried girlfriend - ﾓSee, Cale? Youﾒll get a cast and be good as new.ﾔ She smiled sadly, not able to think anything but that this was her fault. Her son was in the hospital because _she_ had to lay down and rest because _she_ was too weak to be able to handle the day.

Rachel nodded at the doctor as he flipped the lights back on and headed out to let a nurse know to bring in the materials to cast the little boy's arm. Now that her initial panic about her childﾒs well-being had died down though, a more immediate concern came to mind. She turned to face her sons, her lips thinned.

ﾓ_This_, boys, is _why_ you were both told _explicitly_ to _not_ play on your beds.ﾔ She was exceedingly unhappy that they had both ignored her in order to do what they want leading to her oldest son having his arm broken. ﾓYou both _promised_ me that under no circumstances would you play on those beds if I allowed you to keep them. So _why_ did you decide to not only break your promise to me and Santana but make both of us worry terribly? Cale, youﾒre the big brother. I expected so much better from you... and now youﾒre hurt.ﾔ

She sighed and rested her hand on Santanaﾒs shoulder to try and calm her racing heart, squeezing gently, ﾓThatﾒs it. The beds are coming apart. Youﾒve proven to me that youﾒre not mature enough to have bunk beds.ﾔ

Santana sighed, and nodded trying to look like she supported Rachelﾒs decision. ﾓYour momﾒs right. Weﾒll take them apart tomorrow.ﾔ She looked at Alexﾒs guilty face and Caleﾒs tired and in pain one. ﾓIf you both prove that you are mature enough we can put them up in the future.ﾔ She sighed and looked down then back up. ﾓThe real issue now... the most important thing, Caleb...ﾔ She said with a stern look on her face, ﾓIs what colour do you want your cast?ﾔ

Cale looked shocked for a second then smiled shyly. ﾓCan I have a purple one, Santa? I like purple.ﾔ

Alex nudged his brother. ﾓCan I draw on it? Eddie had a cast in pre-school but he wouldnﾒt let me draw on it.ﾔ The younger boy pouted.

Santana just chuckled at her son wanting a purple cast. ﾓSure buddy, if they have purple itﾒs yours.ﾔ She rested her head on Rachelﾒs shoulder as she watched the boys talk about casts and what can be drawn on it.

ﾓSanta? Can I put Batman stickers on it?ﾔ Cale looked up with a bright grin when he thought of the idea.

ﾓOf course,ﾔ She smiled and linked her fingers with Rachelﾒs. ﾓWe can get some tomorrow. We need to get your medication and get you to bed tonight.ﾔ

A nurse came in with the tray and started casting the little boyﾒs arm as he chatted at her about getting to put Batman stickers on his cast and how his little brother was going to draw on it for him. Rachel stroked her loverﾒs hair as she watched quietly, Alex kneeling on the examination table beside Cale so he could watch how the cast was assembled on his brotherﾒs arm. Kayla just sat on the floor beside Santana leaning so her head was resting against her leg as she read her book.

* * *

><p>Santana laid back in bathtub, hating how her body was so sore all the time. She ran her fingers over her distended stomach, feeling so guilty that Cale got hurt while she was supposed to be watching them. What if having four kids was too much? What if she and Rachel couldnﾒt watch all of them or share their love around with them. She worried her lip as she thought about the events of the day, not even noticing that Rachel had come into the room.<p>

Rachel knelt beside the tub and picked up the washcloth, pouring a little soap on it and beginning to gently wash and massage her pregnant lover. ﾓWhat has you looking so ominous, love?ﾔ She smiled softly, reaching up to tap on the darker womanﾒs nose. ﾓCaleﾒs fine. Everyoneﾒs okay.ﾔ

ﾓI left them alone.ﾔ She admitted, ﾓI left them playing alone upstairs when I went to lay down. I wasnﾒt there to stop it and I wasnﾒt there when he got hurt.ﾔ She looked at her girlfriend, ﾓI was too tired and I couldnﾒt play with them... Itﾒs my fault he got hurt.ﾔ

ﾓNonsense,ﾔ Rachel scoffed, urging Santana to move forward so she could work the soreness out of the muscles on her back, ﾓYou had no reason to believe they would break their promise to us to not play on the bed. Theyﾒre children, Santana, and as much as it may distress you or me as their mothers, they will get hurt.ﾔ She leaned in and kissed Santanaﾒs cheek, ﾓCale breaking his arm is no more your fault for being tired and worn out by pregnancy than Kaylaﾒs breaking her nose was my fault.ﾔ She smiled wryly at the womanﾒs startled expression, ﾓI didnﾒt tell you about that?ﾔ

Santana shook her head, ﾓNo! How did you not tell me Kayla broke her nose!ﾔ

ﾓBecause Iﾒd mostly forgotten about it,ﾔ Rachel laughed softly, ﾓShe was only three and I was carrying Cale at the time. Iﾒd left her to watch a special on leopard cubs on Nature while I took a nap, but she didnﾒt stay as fascinated with the program as Iﾒd hoped. Instead she headed into the kitchen to help herself to a cookie - which sheﾒd been expressly denied earlier as we were going to be having dinner soon when Jesse came home. Well, long story short, I was woken from my nap by a terrible scream. By the time I managed to get up and into the kitchen, sheﾒd sat up.ﾔ

She shook her head with a wry smile, abandoning the washcloth to simply knead the tight muscles of Santanaﾒs shoulders and upper back. ﾓThere was blood _everywhere_. It looked far more terrible than when Finn managed to break my nose in high school. I rushed her to the emergency room, convinced it was my fault and that Jesse would hate me forever. But do you know what happened when he arrived?ﾔ

Santana shook her head as she listened, resting into her loverﾒs touch. ﾓWhat did he do?ﾔ She cocked her head and looked up surprised, ﾓBut youﾒre like the best mom in the world.ﾔ

ﾓThank you for the vote of confidence,ﾔ Rachel chuckled, ﾓbut Iﾒm hardly the best mom in the world. When Jesse arrived at the emergency room, the first thing he did was ask if Kayla was okay - which she was, barring of course the broken nose - and the very next thing he did was ask if _I_ was okay. Once heﾒd determined everyone was okay, he did this,ﾔ she leaned in and kissed Santana softly, ﾓand told me it wasnﾒt my fault. That no one can be everywhere or stop every accident from happening.ﾔ

She ran her fingers along Santanaﾒs jaw and turned her to face her, giving her a soft smile, ﾓAnd the same is true for you, Santana. You didnﾒt throw him off the bed or tell him to go roughhousing where they both knew they shouldnﾒt. Itﾒs not your fault. Okay, love? Itﾒs not. I promise.ﾔ

ﾓOkay.ﾔ She whispered, ﾓWhat if four kids is too much?ﾔ She blinked up as she tried to hide how scared she was to give birth in a few weeks. ﾓWe canﾒt keep up with the kids we have now! How the hell are we gonna go after all four of them!ﾔ

ﾓSantana,ﾔ Rachel shook her head with a fond smile, leaning in to kiss her, ﾓDonﾒt worry so much. Weﾒll be fine. Maybe things will get a bit hectic, but both Kayla and Cale are getting to the ages where they can help us with the baby and Alex.ﾔ She stroked her fingers along Santanaﾒs face, ﾓWeﾒll be fine, beautiful. This might be your first real run with a baby as a mom, but Iﾒve been down this road a few times now and may I just remind you of how amazing you were with Alex?ﾔ

She shrugged and looked up at her adoring girlfriend. ﾓI know... Iﾒm just scared.ﾔ Santana took Rachelﾒs hand and pressed it to the side of her stomach where an outline of a tiny foot was pressing against tanned skin. ﾓThe doctor said the baby was gonna get big, but damn...ﾔ she remarked as she looked at her stomach. ﾓItﾒs so big my skin feels like itﾒs so just tight and is gonna snap soon.ﾔ Santanaﾒs body hadnﾒt changed much besides the large belly that was housing her child and her breasts that swelled over the months. ﾓI kinda hoped my ass would get bigger,ﾔ Santana pouted, ﾓI got all the pains of pregnancy but none of the perks of getting weight in the fun places.ﾔ

Rachel couldnﾒt help but laugh. ﾓSantana Lopez, you are absolutely perfect just the way you are. I happen to love that shapely little ass of yours just the way it is.ﾔ She smiled at her, standing and grabbing a towel, ﾓCome on, lets get you to bed. I happen to have this incredible urge to cuddle with my amazingly sexy girlfriend right now.ﾔ

ﾓYouﾒre not allowed to laugh at my impression of a killer whale at Sea World...ﾔ She scowled as she worked to get out of the bathtub, she arched up belly first and finally got to her feet. She held her arms out while Rachel dried her off and helped Santana into a robe. ﾓIﾒm gonna be so happy when my clothing fits again.ﾔ Santana pointed out as she followed Rachel over to the bed and allowed herself to get tugged down. The pregnant woman wiggled around to get comfortable on her side as she felt Rachel combing through her long black hair. ﾓYouﾒre an amazing woman, Rachel. Thank you so much for everything... just... thank you.ﾔ

ﾓYouﾒre amazing, Santana,ﾔ Rachel murmured, cuddling up behind her girlfriend and stroking her fingers through her hair. ﾓYouﾒre successful, talented, driven, an amazing mother, and,ﾔ she kissed the corner of her jaw, ﾓyou taught me that I could love again after Jesse died. I donﾒt think I could have survived even half of what you not only survived but _conquered_. You keep taking bad situations and making them good, even if it takes a long time. Every morning I get to wake up to see you, every night when I get to come home to you and the children,ﾔ she smiled even though Santana couldnﾒt see it, ﾓit just reminds me of how much I love you and how exceedingly lucky I am that you chose me to be the one beside you.ﾔ

The other woman smiled and sighed contently, ﾓYouﾒre my soulmate.ﾔ She whispered, ﾓI found you and you found me when we were mean to.ﾔ She leaned back slightly, ﾓYou realize we have Kayla to thank for all of this right? If she never ran into me I would have never seen you again.ﾔ

ﾓShe can have an extra brownie for dessert tomorrow night,ﾔ Rachel chuckled, kissing along her loverﾒs neck, ﾓBut I like to think I had _something_ to do with this. You obviously did. Being entirely too sexy and beautiful for my grieving little heart to handle.ﾔ She kissed her ear, snuggling into her back, ﾓI had no choice but to fall in love with this amazing woman who had already stolen my childrenﾒs hearts.ﾔ

ﾓMy plan worked,ﾔ She replied tiredly, ﾓMy charms worked on the children and I knew you wouldnﾒt be far behind.ﾔ She smirked as she spoke a tone of joking running through her words. ﾓI didnﾒt even realize I was falling for you, it just happened.ﾔ She pulled Rachelﾒs arms to wrap around her body and rest on her stomach. ﾓI never thought Iﾒd be happy... I never thought Iﾒd have a _family_ after everything... But here you are. Despite how much shit you went through and how much your children went through in a small amount of time... Weﾒre okay. Everyoneﾒs happy.ﾔ She smiled, ﾓI like to think Jesse was looking out for us the entire time.ﾔ

ﾓOf course heﾒs looking out for us, Santana,ﾔ Rachel hugged her close, resting her chin on her shoulder, ﾓWeﾒre his family. You included. Maybe he was immature and selfish in high school, but he grew up into a fine man.ﾔ She sighed softly, ﾓI wish you could have known him when he was healthy. Seen him with Kayla and Cale. He loved them so much. I wish he could have held Alex once before the end...ﾔ

ﾓRachel... when Kayla and I went to get her glasses a couple months ago...ﾔ She was wary of bringing the conversation with Kayla up, but she knew she had to. ﾓShe remarked that she doesnﾒt really remember Jesse anymore and Cale told me today that he was scared of the hospital because of _Daddy_. I know it hurts you to think about him... but maybe if we looked at photos with the kids or watched the videos from school that has him being live and active...ﾔ She said quietly not wanting to hurt Rachel. ﾓI just donﾒt want him to fade away from their memory or miss out of Alex and the new baby knowing him, you know?ﾔ

Rachel sighed softly, holding Santana close. ﾓI... I understand what youﾒre saying, and youﾒre right. I shouldnﾒt be so afraid to talk about the childrenﾒs father with them. It just hurt so badly for so long that _not_ talking about it became a habit. You know, I have,ﾔ she smiled wistfully, ﾓI have DVDs that Jesse and I made when he realized how bad the cancer got. Messages to the children. Even little Alex. Some of them he edited himself before things got too bad, but most of them I put together for him. We could,ﾔ she nibbled on her lower lip, ﾓwe could watch them with them?ﾔ

ﾓI donﾒt want you to be upset though. I can watch them with Kayla if you donﾒt want to... I just think... I just donﾒt want her, or any of them, to grow up thinking that they were to just forget about him. Thatﾒs how my dad treated it when my mom died and it just never made sense. I want all the kids, even ours, to remember their father.ﾔ

ﾓItﾒs not upsetting, Santana,ﾔ She stopped, thinking over her words for a moment, ﾓOr, well, it is, but not as badly as it once was. I donﾒt want to forget him either. I,ﾔ she nuzzled against Santanaﾒs neck, ﾓI may cry, because I still miss him, but as long as youﾒre next to me,ﾔ she laced their fingers together and squeezed gently, ﾓholding my hand, Iﾒll be okay.ﾔ

ﾓOkay.ﾔ Santana replied, ﾓMaybe we can do that tomorrow? I know Kayla will thank you for it and the boys too.ﾔ She kissed one of Rachelﾒs hands and smiled. ﾓI love your strength, and how much you love our children. I canﾒt wait for the little one to come out and get held by you.ﾔ She smiled and brought their hands back to her waist. ﾓI canﾒt wait for the children to hold the baby and for us to continue being this beautiful family we have with just one more little baby.ﾔ

ﾓI canﾒt wait either,ﾔ Rachel whispered against her neck, kissing softly as she drew little patterns on her loverﾒs stomach, laughing at the little taps and kicks pressing against her drifting palms. ﾓA little fighter. Just like their mother.ﾔ

ﾓHopefully not too much of a fighter.ﾔ She smiled, ﾓWe wonﾒt have any energy ever, between Alex who managed to push his brother who is three years older off a bed, to Cale who God knows is gonna be a challenge in a few years and Kayla doesnﾒt talk about her problems or things that are wrong. Hopefully the baby will be like a just happy simple child.ﾔ She smiled as she let her eyes fall closed at the soothing feeling of Rachelﾒs hands on her stomach.

ﾓHappy and simple, yes.ﾔ She kissed Santanaﾒs cheek, ﾓBut a fighter like the rest of our children. No one is going to keep them down or stand in their way. Just like no one could keep _us_ down or stand in _our_ way. Their lives may be hard as the children of a lesbian couple, but they have each other and they have us. So I want them to know how to fight for what they want and not be afraid to stand up for each other. But no matter how they are - fighter or pacifist - theyﾒre going to be perfect because theyﾒre ours, love.ﾔ

She rubbed soothing circles into Santanaﾒs skin, ﾓSleep, sweetheart. Iﾒll hold you all night.ﾔ

Santana nodded and curled into her lover and listened her soft breaths. She closed her eyes and let the comfort and warmth of her lover sweep over her as they lay in a tangled mess of blankets and limbs, drifting off to sleep.


	42. Chapter 42: Libel

**Chapter 42**

"Noah, listen to me. You've got to _tighten_ this area. It can't be sloppy."

Puck rolled his eyes, setting his guitar down. "Rach, we've been at this for hours, don't you think it's time to take a break?"

Rachel scowled, tossing her clipboard to the table with a clatter. "Noah Puckerman, I am doing you a _favor_. I am taking time not only from _Avalon Records_ to help you with your music, but also my _family_ for this, Noah. I am _trying_ to help you produce a usable demo that will actually get you _signed_ because I happen to believe you have the talent to do so. However, if you want to _take a break_ and create another half-assed demo like the one you handed me, then go right ahead!"

"Whoa!" He held up his hands with a shocked expression, "Rachel, I get that you're helping me when you'd rather be with San and your kids. I appreciate it, I really do. But we've been here since seven and it's almost five in the afternoon and a man's gotta _eat_ some time! My fingers are killing me and I'm starving here. All I'm asking is for a little break to get some food, let you call home and check on your baby momma, and rest for a little before going back at it."

Rachel rubbed her forehead, suddenly aware that she'd taken out her stress on her friend and that he hadn't deserved it. "You're right," she muttered, slumping down into her chair, "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about Santana and the baby and... I'm sorry."

He came over and crouched beside the chair, pulling her into a hug. "Hey, Princess, don't worry about it none. I understand." He rubbed her back as she relaxed into his embrace, "I felt the same when Quinn was carrying little Beth. You're stuck on the outside looking in and you can't do nothing to make things easier for her and it just drives you nuts. I know, okay?"

She sighed, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in the crook of his neck. "I just want things to go right. She's been so scared after what happened with Alejandra and this pregnancy is just taking such a toll on her. I know what she's going through, but I don't know how to help..."

"I know," he pulled her out of the chair into his lap, settling on the floor. "Well, now you know how Jesse felt with your kids," he teased, ruffling her hair, "I swear that man looked like he was gonna chew his fingers off he was so worried about you half the time." His voice softened and he kissed the top of her head, "He loved you and those kids so much, Rach. I'm sorry you lost him. You don't even know how much. But San's good for you and you're good for her. She'll take care of you and the kids and the two of you are gonna be awesome moms."

Rachel laughed softly, sitting up and kissing his cheek. "When did you get so smart, Noah?"

"Always have been, babe." He grinned at her, giving her a hug and letting her up only to accept her hand as he scrambled to his own feet. "Now, how about we get some grub?" He slung an arm over her shoulder as they headed out of his motel room into the bright sunlight, "I'm so hungry I'll even eat that rabbit food you call a meal!"

"It's not rabbit food, Noah. It's perfectly healthy, organic vegetarian fare." Rachel huffed, sticking her tongue out at him and grinning. "It's good for you!"

He reached over and tapped her nose. "It's rabbit food. But you're my Jewish American princess, so I'll eat it anyway."

* * *

><p>In the grey sedan across the street from the motel, a young man lowered his camera and frowned. He hated cases where women stepped out on their partners. Tossing the digital camera to the passenger seat, he watched the pair wait on the street for a cab.<p>

As the cab finally arrived and they climbed in and rode off, he debated following for a moment before deciding he had enough evidence for one day and started the car, pulling away from the curb to head back to his office. He'd get the photos printed up for his client and she could decide how she wanted to handle things from there. It was a damn shame, he thought, glancing at the photo of the woman and her clearly pregnant partner laughing together in their backyard.

He just hated finding out a client's suspicions seemed right. He wanted some way of excusing what he'd just saw, but a lady coming out of a - rather dingy - motel with a guy like that? All disheveled and looking worn out? And how close they were when he'd snuck over to shoot a couple pictures through the crack in the blinds? There was no way it wasn't cheating.

* * *

><p>The young man was wearing a business suit and had shaved when he arrived at his client's address to deliver the results of his investigation. He handed over the manila envelope of photos, accepting the thick envelope with his pay in return. "It's a real shame about your daughter, ma'am. I would never have thought her to be stepping out on her partner like that."<p>

Shelby smiled sadly, "I know. I couldn't believe it myself when I heard. But now I have proof, there really isn't any denying it, is there?" She shook her head, the very picture of a distraught mother, "I love Santana like she was my own. I can't believe Rachel is doing this to her. Thank you, Peter. I'll be sure to recommend your services in my social circles."

"I appreciate it, ma'am." He smiled and nodded, turning to head back down the stairs of the small brownstone. He didn't much like working with the older woman. She gave him a bad vibe. But after seeing what her daughter got up to, he supposed the apple really didn't fall far from the tree.

* * *

><p>"It's shocking. Simply <em>shocking<em>!" Shelby looked like she was sharing the world's biggest secret with the woman sitting beside her. "My own daughter! _Cheating_ on her _pregnant_ girlfriend?" She shook her head in disbelief, "I can hardly believe it. Perhaps you've heard of her girlfriend? Santana Lopez? Of Avalon Records?"

The woman could barely hide her smile at the scoop she was getting from the distraught mother. She adjusted her satchel with her recorder to get a clearer feed. "Oh, I think I know who you're talking about. Wasn't she involved in that scandal with her husband?"

"Ex-husband, my dear. She was with my Rachel at the time. And," Shelby brushed at the tear trickling down her cheek, "I just can't believe Rachel did something like this, but I can't... I just _can't_ deny the evidence of my own eyes."

"Evidence? You caught her cheating?"

"No... nothing like that. These - oh god, it hurts just thinking about them - these horrible _photos_ I was sent." She rifled through her bag, pulling out the manila envelope and opening it. "You see? Oh god, it's awful."

Shelby sniffled as she handed the photos of Rachel and Puck hanging out, holding hands and displaying casual affection for each other. The woman had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from jumping up and cheering. This was the sort of scoop _Star_ had been looking for. "This... oh wow. This is pretty damning."

Shelby glanced slyly at her for just a moment as the woman flipped through the photos before bringing the grieving parent back to the fore, "I can't even bear to look at them. You seem nice... do you think you could get rid of them for me?"

"Oh, definitely. I could do that, no problem." The woman was cheering internally as she slid the photos back into the envelope. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all this."

"It's not me who's hurt though. It's Santana and the children. I feel just awful." Shelby wiped away a tear.

"I understand. Oh. My bus is here. I'll get rid of these for you, don't worry." The woman smiled reassuringly, giving Shelby's shoulder a pat as she stood and gathered her things to get on the bus.

Shelby watched with a tiny smile. "Oh, I'm not worried at all," she whispered, waiting until the bus left to get up and walk down to her car.

* * *

><p>The email that dinged up in Santana's inbox a couple weeks later was concise and to the point, as were all emails to the fiery woman. Just a note from Jake in PR saying "I think you want to take a look at this" and a link to the Star Magazine website. Following the link led to a page with a headline in big black letters "<em>Avalon Records<em> owner and producer Santana Lopez's Girlfriend Caught Cheating!" and a series of photos of Rachel and Puck laughing and holding hands as they walked through downtown New York.

Santana looked at the screen, her iPad resting against her stomach. She let her eyes roam over the photos of her girlfriend and _Puck_ walking down the road together. Her rational brain knew that it was a trumped up story, that Rachel wasn't cheating... but she also didn't remember Rachel and Puck _ever_ being that close and she hadn't heard anything about her going to see him recently.

Sliding her fingers across the screen she got to her email and quickly typed out a response to Jake simply saying, _handle it_. Once replied to him she pulled up her email and sent one to Rachel.

_We need to talk_

* * *

><p>Rachel pushed away from the computer analyzing the latest artist she was working with, rolling across the floor to her regular terminal to pull up her mail client when she heard the familiar chirp. Seeing an email from her girlfriend, she smiled, pulling it up, expecting something cheerful and friendly. When she read the contents though, she frowned in confusion.<p>

_Of course, love. Is something wrong? Do you need me to come home?_

* * *

><p><em>No. I don't want you here until you tell me what's really going on with Puck.<em>

Santana was trying to not cry at the thought of her girlfriend, the woman she loved, possibly leaving her for a guy. For _Puck_.

* * *

><p>Rachel stared at the screen in confused shock. After a moment, the keys rattled under her fingers as she typed out a reply.<p>

_You don't want me there? What do you mean what's going on with Noah? I've been helping him with his demo, you know that._

_Santana, what's going on?_

Hitting send, she pushed back from the computer, staring at the screen with her hand over her mouth. Something happening with _Noah_? Santana not wanting her to come home? She didn't know what was going on, but it was starting to scare her.

* * *

><p><em>Why are there photos of you prancing around town with him holding hands? Coming out of a motel? Is that where you were when Cale got hurt? Were you with him? <em>

* * *

><p>When Rachel read the last email, she felt like her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach.<p>

_Santana, what are you talking about? What photos? Noah's staying at a motel while he's in town. I told you I've been helping him with his demo._

_What are you suggesting is going on, Santana? He's my friend. I don't understand. Please just tell me what's going on!_

She hit send then picked up the phone, speed dialing her girlfriend. She needed to talk to Santana. Needed her to explain to her what was going on so her heart could start beating again.

* * *

><p>Santana hesitated before answering. "I'm mad. I don't know at who, but once a-fucking-gain our names are in the tabloids. I don't know if he's trying to make a quick buck, you... you decided to sleep with him or something else is happening..." Santana was holding back tears by sounding as business like as she could.<p>

* * *

><p>"Sleep with... Santana! You," Rachel couldn't hide the hurt and shock in her voice, "you don't think I'm... I'm <em>cheating<em> on you, do you? With _Noah_?"

Her eyes burned with tears she was struggling to hold back, both hands clutching at her phone as she tried to speak past the thickness in her throat. "Santana, doesn't... Doesn't everything we've been through mean anything? How could even think I would cheat on you? And with _Noah_?"

* * *

><p>"I know! But I'm looking at pictures Rachel! You've been with him.. And he likes you... I don't know. I'm so confused. This story knows too much about us. It's like someone knows us wrote it." she sniffled.<p>

* * *

><p>"Of course he likes me, Santana." Rachel wiped at her tears, trying to keep her voice even, "He's my <em>friend<em>. He's the children's _uncle_. Santana, he stood up for me at my wedding as my best man. He's the closest thing I have to a brother. I swear to you I am not cheating on you. Especially not with Noah. I love you and I would no more cheat on you than I would have on Jesse."

* * *

><p>"W-why..." She sniffled, her facade cracked as she spoke. "Why are there <em>pictures<em> Rachel?" She pleaded, her body was shaking with tears that she couldn't hide anymore. "On the cover of magazines. Kayla could see them, Rachel. She could see them on her way home from school! I... I can't... She can't see them. I don't care about my feelings, if you're doing anything with him I don't care I just don't wanna hurt the kids." She had rolled to her side and curled around her protruding stomach. "Please... just don't... I don't know what's going on, everything is out of control."

* * *

><p>"Let me come home," Rachel's voice cracked, afraid she wasn't welcome anymore because of photos she hadn't even seen. Afraid Santana believed whatever story she was reading over her, "please, love. I don't even know what photos or magazines you're talking about. I don't know anything about these photos. Please, Santana..."<p>

* * *

><p>"Please come home." She whispered, her voice barely audible over her sniffles. "Just.. come." She hung up the phone and curled around Rachel's pillow.<p>

* * *

><p>As soon as the dial tone hit her ear, Rachel dropped the phone and shot out of her chair. Grabbing her jacket and purse, she called to Tandy to let her know she'd be out of the office for the rest of the day and hit the elevator call button. As soon as the doors open, she was inside, slapping the button for the ground floor and waiting impatiently for the car to carry her down to the street to catch a cab and hurry home.<p>

* * *

><p>As soon as she got home, she tossed her keys into the bowl on the hall table and her jacket and purse beside it. "Santana? Where are you?"<p>

Santana was curled up on the bed, her iPad next to her open to the webpage where the photos were displayed. She was shaking slightly, her body was feeling so many things; Anger, betrayal, annoyance, guilt and _pain_. She couldn't tell the origin of the dull ache running through her lower body, but it seemed to be coming and going over the last few hours. She heard Rachel come in and she called out softly.

"Bedroom," she said weakly.

Rachel made her way into the bedroom chewing her lip anxiously, afraid of being rejected by the one person who'd made her feel whole again after losing Jesse. "Is it okay for me to come in?" She sounded as scared and hurt as she felt.

"It's your room too." Santana said, hugging the pillow tighter. "I'm not mad at you." Santana said quickly. "I'm not mad, I just don't understand... I don't understand what's going on."

Rachel came in as soon as she had permission, moving to sit on the bed behind her girlfriend, tentatively reaching out to brush a hand over her hip. "I don't even know what's going on. Why do you think I'm cheating? What pictures? I just don't understand where all this is coming from. Have I done something to make you think I'd cheat on you? Have I not been attentive enough...?"

With a soft laboured groan, Santana moved a bit so she could slide the iPad over to the woman. "Look." She said simply, knowing the picture of Puck kissing Rachel's cheek and holding her hands was bad enough but the story... the story was what did it. Only Puck would know some of the details in the text. Like how Santana used to torture Rachel in high school, the tabloids using a picture of Cale's cast and a bruise Rachel sustained chasing after Alex as monikers of abuse. The story hit way to close too home to not be from Puck.

Rachel read the article - if it could even be called that - with growing upset and anger. "W-what is this? This is nothing but a pack of outright fabrication, Santana. Look at these pictures. This has to be from two weekends ago. You remember when I went to work with Noah on his demo for the day at his motel so you could sleep while the children were out with Beth and Mina?"

She shook her head looking at the picture of her in Puck's lap, him kissing her head. "This... I can't believe someone took a picture of us." She twisted the iPad so San could see the picture she was referring to. "Noah was reminding me of how stressed Jesse was during my pregnancies because I was worried about you. We went to get dinner after and then I came home to you. Cheating? Abuse?" She looked disgusted, "I wish I could get my hands on whoever spouted this blatant pack of libel."

"I don't know." Santana mumbled, her face still hidden in the pillow. "I... What happened? Why are you in his lap? Why is... why is he touching you like that?" She could hear how desperate her voice sounded as she spoke, but she just didn't know what to do. "What's going on?" She turned her head and looked at the love of her life.

Rachel sighed softly. "I was worried about you," she whispered, "about how scared you've been about the baby and how tired you've been. He was calming me down. Telling me stories about how Jesse would come to him panicking about me when I was carrying Kayla and Cale." She traced little patterns on the curve of her lover's hip, watching her fingers move. "He was reassuring me that you and I were good together and that we're going to be good mothers."

She raised her eyes to look sadly at Santana. "I only have my fathers and Jesse's parents, Santana. Noah... he's the big brother I never got to have. He's looked out for me for years. I love him dearly, but I'm _in_ love with you and I'd never cheat on you, Santana. _Never_."

Santana nodded, "Who gave the paper the story?" She whispered, "It's bad enough that we had to deal with this once... but not again. I can't do it again, Rachel." She sounded weak and broken, her eyes never looking up from the place on the wall that they were fixed too. "I can't."

"I don't know." Rachel's lips tightened as she glared down at the webpage displayed on the iPad, "But I assure you that one way or another I _will_ find out. And I will guarantee that they will _not_ be happy when I do. No one gets to attempt to destroy our family, Santana. Absolutely _no one_."

"Okay." She replied simply, her eyes closing as another soft pain spread through her body and settled in the lower back. She just buried her face more into the pillow when the wave of pain hit her. "I just want everyone to leave us alone. Just everyone to go away and stop caring about what we do."

Rachel nodded, "I want that too, beautiful." She brushed her fingers through Santana's hair, frowning at the wincing her lover was doing. "Is this all that's bothering you? This... this load of hooey?"

""My back hurts." She mumbled, her voice slightly above a whisper. She hated feeling useless, her body was beyond tired all the time now and on top of it in actual pain.

She rubbed her girlfriend's back, worried about something beside the photos. "Is that all? Dr Winters did tell us to be careful around now..."

The pregnant women nodded. She knew she was close to four weeks from her due date, but she assumed labor would be more painful then the dull ache and slight sharp pains that were coming a few times an hour. "I'm fine." Santana replied, "Just really sore."

"Are you certain?" Rachel asked worriedly, continuing to rub Santana's back. "I understand you're in pain, but how do you feel?"

Santana looked over her shoulder. Her face was pale and clammy. "Tired." She said softly, "My back really hurts and I can't fall asleep with the throbbing every time I drift off."

"Throbbing?" Rachel was trying very hard to stay calm - and suddenly understood why Jesse had always looked so harried when she was close with Kayla and Cale - as she reached up to gently stroke Santana's cheek. "Santana, what do you mean by throbbing? Is it a constant ache or is there space in between?"

"Space in between."She replied, "But its just my back. It's just like a sharp pain throbbing on top of the throbbing." She explained, her body going through great effort to roll onto her back and try to sit up. "It's not a big deal."

Rachel bit her lip as she helped Santana sit up. She recognized the description as how she'd felt when her children decided it was time to arrive. "Don't be alarmed, sweetheart, but I think it might be a big deal. I believe we should call Dr Winters and go see her, ok?"

Santana just shook her head no. "I don't wanna go anywhere. I don't want camera's following us around. I don't wanna get photographed. I just wanna sleep, okay? Just let me sleep."

"Santana," she did her best to keep her voice calm and even but she couldn't help the tremor of worry under it, "I think... it sounds like you might be going into labor. It's early and I'd feel very much better if Dr. Winters could examine you, love..."

"No. It's too early," Santana remarked, her teeth worrying her bottom lip through another bout of pain, that was only a few minutes after the previous one. She looked up at Rachel. She was scared. "Rae..."

"Remember that Alex was anxious to join us too, beautiful," Rachel smiled as reassuringly as she could, stroking Santana's hair back with a hand barely restrained from trembling in her anxiety about her girlfriend and their child. "Let's get you to Dr. Winters. Just in case. And if I'm just being an overly anxious second parent to be, we can all have a laugh over it later, okay?"

"Okay." She replied, knowing that Rachel was right and that the baby might be coming. "The kids are at school still... we need to get a sitter for them..." Santana said as she allowed Rachel to help her off the bed. "We need to... Rachel, I'm not ready. I don't want to have the baby today. I'm not ready."

"We're never really ready, love," Rachel murmured, helping her up and fumbling with her phone to send a text to Ajay to come pick them up and bring Mina to watch the children when they get out of school. "It's part of the surprise of being a parent. Our little ones like to catch us off guard," she kissed Santana's cheek, "but we love them all the more for it. Ajay's on his way and Mina's coming to watch the children. I'll take care of things, Santana. You don't have to worry about anything but you and our little one."

* * *

><p>After a grueling 30 minute wait in the waiting room, Santana had finally been escorted into a room. She had changed into the flimsy paper gown and hoisted herself up onto the bed. Rachel had been given a stack of forms to fill out so they could treat Santana while they were working on getting her admitted.<p>

Nearly two hours later, a resident finally showed up and flipped through her chart. "Alright Ms. Lopez," The young doctor exclaimed, "seems like you're in labor."

"No shit," Santana spat, her hands bunching up in the thin blanket covering her body. "Because, I thought I was here for a fucking dental appointment."

"Santana," Rachel chided softly, reaching up to grip her hand reassuringly, "he's only doing his job. Calm down."

"Right." The resident looked a little nervous from being snapped at, but continued on, "I see you haven't quite reached your estimated due date, but that shouldn't be too much of a problem. I don't see anything here about whether or not you wanted to attempt a natural birth or a Cesarean or if you wanted to be administered anything to help with the pain though..."

"I don't want painkillers." She said quickly. Ever since she found out about the drugs Tobias used on her for years she hesitated to the point of refusing to take _anything_ that might knock her out. "I can do it with out painkillers." She was trying to convince herself even though she was scared. "I don't want the baby to be drugged when it comes out." She looked over to Rachel to make sure what she was doing was correct.

Rachel nodded that it was okay, but rubbed the back of Santana's hand with her thumb. "It can be exceedingly painful, love. If you need something, I promise you, I will be right beside you. No one will hurt you or our baby. They know how to administer painkillers in a manner that won't greatly affect our child or cause you to become unconscious."

The nervous mother to be just shook her head. "No." She looked down at her stomach, "I don't want it to come out with medications. I just wanna do it, okay?" She looked at Rachel for permission to do so. "I'll be okay. I just... No medications."

Rachel smiled softly, giving Santana's hand a reassuring squeeze. "No medications. Our baby will come out perfect and I will be right beside you the entire time, Santana."

The resident looked like he doubted the decision but shrugged, noting it down in the notes. "Alright then. No painkillers it is. I understand your obstetrician, Dr Winters, has been notified and is en route. She should be here soon."

Santana was trying to breathe through an intense contraction as the doctor spoke. Her eyes shut tightly as she struggled to not cry out at the feeling. She blindly reached around for Rachel's hand and grasped it with a slight sob.

The contractions were coming ever five minutes now. Her body wracking with pain. "It hurts, Rachel," she sobbed softly, "It hurts really bad."

"I know," Rachel whispered, standing so she could brush the hair back from her lover's face, hating seeing her in pain, "but it'll be worth it when you hold our little one for the first time. Breathe through it, sweetheart. In and out. This is nothing compared to one of Sue's workouts in high school, right?" She teased, trying to distract Santana.

Santana let out a strangled laugh as the pain subsided for the moment. "Yeah..." She puffed out. She rested her head in Rachel's palm when she felt her cheek get stroked by her lover's fingers. "Can't believe you did this three times." She remarked as she felt the nurse putting an IV into her arm.

"That's because you never realized how secretly badass I am," Rachel grinned, leaning over to kiss the side of Santana's head. "But then, I did somehow manage to win you, so maybe you did realize it. High school helped me to develop an exceedingly high tolerance to sudden, shocking pain. Compared to receiving slushies to the face on a near regular basis - and before you start, I am fully aware you were only involved in that by being part of the Cheerios so don't even think of apologizing - birth seemed almost mild." She kept her tone light and teasing, the bright smile and eyes untinged by anything but worry for Santana and their child reassuring the other woman that she didn't retain any hard feelings for things that happened in high school.

"You though, have always been badass," she stroked Santana's slightly damp hair back, smoothing it with her fingers and lightly scratching her lover's scalp, "and you've survived things far more painful than this. And just think. When it's all over, you're going to be holding a beautiful baby who will be warm and squirmy and just perfect."

Santana smiled when she thought about the baby they would be meeting soon. "I hope so." She whispered her hand running over her stomach in time with the wave of contraction that hit. "F-fuck!" she called out under her breath. She whimpered into Rachel's arm as Dr. Winters came in and smiled at Rachel.

"Today's the big day?" She smiled, reading through Santana's chart before she carefully aided the woman's legs up. "Let me just take a look and see how far along we are." She snapped on a pair of gloves and moved about checking Santana's cervix and dilation. "Santana?" She looked with with a raised eyebrow. "How long were you feeling pain today? Because you're ten centimeters dilated already... Did your water break this morning?"

"She's been in pain for at least three hours," Rachel supplied, "we arrived here nearly two and a half hours ago." She squeezed Santana's hand, smiling at her without even looking at Dr Winters.

""It started hurting at midnight." Santana admitted, "But it wasn't bad! So I just took a bath hoping it would go away..." She looked down at her hands thinking that she did something wrong.

Dr Winters smiled up at her and patted her knee, "Don't worry, mom. That's perfectly fine. I'm glad you didn't stress out or panic. It's much better to stay calm and just let these things happen."

Rachel chewed her lip and listened, grateful she'd insisted on them coming in to the hospital. "Everything's okay, right?"

"Everything's fine." Dr Winter smiled. "I'm going to go make sure everything is ready for your baby to come out and greet the world, but I'll be back soon."

Santana looked over to her girlfriend and looked guilty. "I'm sorry. I didn't think anything was wrong. Everything has hurt for days... I didn't want to wake you." She blinked her eyes and grasped onto Rachel's hand. "I'm sorry we fought. I know you wouldn't cheat. I know you wouldn't. I'm sorry..."

"It's okay," Rachel smiled softly, leaning down and brushing her lips against Santana's, "I'm just happy everything is working out. I love you so much, Santana. You don't have to be sorry. You were worried and... that horrible story," she shook her head, "I'm certain I would have felt much the same as you did if our situations were reversed. Don't worry about it. Just focus on our little one and how happy we're going to be to get to hold them for the first time."

Santana nodded and watched as Dr. Winters came back in with a couple of orderlies. "Alright, Santana. We're gonna get you prepped for the delivery room." She patted the woman's leg and motioned for them to roll the bed down the hall.

"And for you, Rachel. You need to come with me and we'll get you changed and washed up to help your lovely partner bring your child into the world." She watched Rachel nodding wide-eyed and laughed slightly before escorting her down the hall.

* * *

><p>Santana screamed, her entire body arching in pain as she attempted to push. "I can't <em>fucking<em> do it!" She hollered, her hands white from the force of her grip on the rails.

Rachel pried one of her hands from the railing and wrapped it with her own, helping Santana sit up with her free hand, "You _can_, Santana." Her voice was firm, confident, "I did this three times, beautiful. And anything I can do, you can do. Just breathe. Listen to my voice and _breathe_. You _can_ do this. I believe in you and I _know_ you can bring our baby into this world."

Santana focused and without too much more screaming managed to nearly break Rachel's hand with the force she was clenching it with and pushed three more times.

"You're doing so good, Santana. Just one more push okay? Just one more." Dr. Winters exclaimed, her head peeking over the sheet that draped Santana's lower body. Santana nodded and when the next contraction hit she pushed, she pushed hard until she felt the intense pressure give and the shrill cry of an infant ring through the room. The new mother fell back with an heaving breath, her body limp with exhaustion.

Rachel ignored the pain in her hand to squeeze Santana's, smiling down towards the end of the bed. "You did it, love. You did it. That's our baby, Santana. Our baby..."

Dr Winters laughed, "It looks like you have a beautiful baby girl, mom. Rachel, come see."

She let go of her girlfriend's hand long enough to come down and look at the wriggling baby in the doctor's arms. "Oh my gosh. Santana, she's beautiful..."

"A girl?" Santana whispered, her eyes struggling to open as she felt the doctors still working on her to make some excess bleeding stop. "We have another daughter." she said, a smile creeping across. "Is... is she okay?"

Rachel reached out with trembling fingers to brush across their little girl's face. "She... she's perfect."

"Ten fingers and ten toes, two eyes, one nose and one mouth," Dr Winters held the little girl still attached to her mother via the umbilical cord up so Santana could see her. "She seems exceedingly healthy for four weeks early. You made a beautiful baby, Santana." A nurse came over to wipe the baby clean and remove the drape so that the doctor could bring the baby up to be held by her mother while the cord continued pumping blood into the child. "Here's your little girl, Santana."

Santana ran her fingers over the girl's face. "Hi, baby," she pressed a gentle kiss to the mess of wet black hair. "You're so beautiful." The baby continued to make content noises. "Rachel," Santana looked up, tears streaming down her face.

Rachel came up to lean against her exhausted lover, smiling down at the baby and gently brushing her fingers through her soft hair. "She's so tiny," she whispered, almost as if she couldn't believe it, "our little girl, Santana..." She leaned down and kissed her mother softly, "So beautiful. Just like her mother."

Santana smiled into the kiss. "Thank you," she pulled and looked back down to the baby. "We need a name for her." She ran her fingers over the baby's feet and hands.

"_Ani ohevet otakh_," Rachel whispered as she pulled away from the kiss, wrapping an arm around Santana's shoulders and hugging her. She didn't often use Hebrew to tell the other woman she loved her, but it felt right in that moment. "You're right. You should give her the first name, but," she smiled shyly, playing with the little girl's hair as she pawed at her mother's chest, "what about Lior for a middle name? It means 'my light' in Hebrew."

"It's perfect," Santana smiled, her eyes closing as she breathed in her daughter before the nurses took her.

"Alright, mama, want to cut the cord?" Dr. Winters asked with a smile. "I think she needs to let mommy get cleaned up and baby here needs to get weighed and measured."

Rachel nodded, biting her lip as she watched the doctor carefully clamp the cord. Taking the scissors in a hand almost visibly trembling, she took a deep breath carefully closed the scissors where Dr Winters indicated. The cord fell away and the doctor handed their little girl to the nurse for her primary checkup and measuring as she moved to deliver the placenta and stitch up the slight tearing that had occurred during the birth. Feeling a little squeamish about seeing the things she had, Rachel moved back up to lean against the bed beside Santana's head and brush her fingers through sweaty black hair.

"You did so good, love," she whispered, "You gave us a beautiful little girl. Just think how excited Kayla and the boys will be to meet their baby sister."

Santana winced a bit as the doctor worked, her eyes glued to the baby leaving with the nurse. "Kayla wanted a sister." she smiled happy that she would make the older child happy. "We have another daughter."

"We do. And it's all because of you, Santana." Rachel smiled at her, carefully stroking her hair, "I love you so much. So much. Once the doctor's finished, I'll help you get cleaned up, okay? And then we'll call Mina and Ajay so they can bring the children to meet their new little sister in the morning."

The tired mother nodded and closed her eyes as they finished and wheeled her into the maternity ward. She had her own room and the nurse helped Santana into her fresh bed once finally clean. Santana rested against Rachel in the bed as they rested.

"We need to give her a first name..." Santana whispered, "Do.. You wanna do your Jewish thing and name her after someone who passed away?"

Rachel ran her hands lightly over her girlfriend's much flatter stomach, holding her in bed despite the nurse's disapproving glare, "We can if you want. Do you have someone in mind?"

Santana looked down. "My mom," she linked their fingers together. "Her given name was Arianna... She went by Maria when she became catholic but I want to name our child Arianna."

Rachel smiled softly and leaned in to kiss the corner of Santana's jaw. "I think that sounds perfect. Arianna Lior Lopez? A beautiful name for a beautiful girl."

Santana smiled and rested her head on Rachel's shoulder. "Thank you so much. Thank you for having a baby with me," she whispered smiling when her daughter was brought back in and rested in her arms. "Arianna Lior St James-Lopez." she corrected, as the nurse handed her the bundle of baby.

"You make it sound like we're married," Rachel chuckled softly, reaching around to brush her fingers over the little one's cheek. "Hi, Arianna. I'm Rachel, sweetie, and I'm going to do my best to make sure you're as happy as the rest of our children."

"She's your daughter too." Santana explained, "She should have the same last name as you and the children." she watched as the little carmel colored bundle wrapped in a pink blanket with a hat, her black hair poking out of it. "You got yourself a hat, mija." she smiled, "Can you say hi mommy? Thank you for singing to me all the time?" Arianna peaked open her eyes, "Her eyes are hazel."

Rachel rested her chin on Santana's shoulder, smiling at the baby, "So they are. I dare say they'll be the gorgeous brown of her mother's by the time the final color comes in. Such a pretty little baby, aren't you." She tickled the baby's chin. "I should move so you can feed her. I'm sure she's hungry and there really is nothing like it to feed your child for the first time, love."

"Stay," she whispered, "show me how." she looked at her girlfriend pleadingly. "Don't want the nurse. Want you to show me."

She felt a surge of affection for her girlfriend as she settled back into place. "Okay. She's early like Alex was so she may have a little trouble, but we'll help her." Rachel helped Santana unfasten her gown. "Lean back against me, okay? It'll be easier." Helping Santana get their daughter situated, she encouraged her to help the little girl realize the breast was there and assist her in latching on.

Santana watched as the baby rested against her breast, she reached down and tickled under Arianna's chin and she opened her mouth. Santana carefully brought her nipple to get her to latch on. Once she did she sucked tentatively, her eyes closing and her little fist scrunching up against her mom's skin.

"Wow," Santana exhaled, "That's so weird feeling, Rachel..."

"Definitely," Rachel chuckled softly, kissing Santana's shoulder as she held her girlfriend and watched her feed their child, "But in the best way. I loved being able to feed my three. I never felt closer to them than when I was breastfeeding."

Santana leaned against Rachel tiredly, her fingers stroking the infant's head as she ate. "So beautiful," she whispered, "You should call home. The kids will be worried..."

"They'll be okay waiting a couple minutes longer," Rachel murmured, reaching up to brush Santana's hair back from her head, just wanting to spend a few more moments alone with the newest member of their family and her mother. "Unless you want me to go and call now?"

She shook her head no. "Stay with us," she said tiredly. When the baby pulled away, Santana patted her back and rocked her. She pulled Rachel's arms around them and melted back into her lover.

"Always," Rachel murmured against Santana's hair, gently rocking her lover and their child. "Forever, love."


	43. Chapter 43: Meet Ari

**Chapter 43**

It was nearly six in the morning when a soft knock on the door woke a sleepy Rachel who had taken up residence in the chair beside Santana's bed at some point during the night. She rubbed at her eyes and smiled at the nurse slipping into the room with the little pink bundle of their baby daughter.

"Hi there, mama." The nurse smiled at Rachel as she whispered, coming over to settle the baby into the woman's arms, "Your little girl was fussing and I thought you might like to hold her while I check on her mom."

"Thank you," Rachel murmured, settling back into the chair and settling Arianna against her chest with her ear set to listening to her heart. "Hello, pretty girl," she carefully stroked her fingers over the cap of soft black hair, "I hope you slept well."

The nurse glanced over at Rachel as she tucked the blanket back around Santana. "Mom should wake up and feed her little girl, but I think we're okay to let her sleep a little more as long as the little boss isn't fussing too much."

Rachel nodded, "We've got three of my own at home who'll be coming by later to meet their little sister. Don't worry, I know the signs of hungry baby."

"Okay," the nurse straightened her uniform, "just hit the button if you need any help, then."

"I will, thank you." Rachel smiled at her as she headed out the door. Settling back into the chair, she stroked their daughter's back as she watched her girlfriend sleep. "I love your mom so much, Arianna. She's the other half of my heart since your brothers and sisterﾒs father died and I will do anything to make her and you and your siblings happy."

She nuzzled the top of the infant's head softly, "I'd marry her if she'd have me, but I'm happy just having her and now you in my life. You're our little miracle, Arianna."

Santana woke slightly when she got jarred by the nurse checking on her, but struggled to remain asleep. She wanted to wake up and see her beautiful girlfriend and baby but the birth took a lot out if her and she wanted to try to gather some strength. She whimpered slightly when she tried to roll over but found herself unable to move too much in her hazy sleep.

Rachel looked up from where she was gently brushing her fingers across their daughter's back with a tiny smile at the whimper. "I think someone might be resisting waking up to see you, baby girl."

Standing a little awkwardly to avoid jarring the baby too much, she made her way over to the bed, carefully lowering a rail with one hand as best she could and sitting on the edge. "Mom, someone wants to see you," she whispered, reaching out with her free hand to brush back her lover's hair.

Santana blinked open her eyes and looked at her girlfriend holding the baby. "It wasn't a dream?" She whispered leaning over slightly and pressing their lips together. "I missed you sleeping with me. Did you get some rest?" Santana ran her hand through her long tangled hair before she leaned over and pressed a kiss to the baby's head. "She smells so good," the new mother smiled.

"Definitely not a dream and I did," Rachel nodded toward the chair, "The nurses wanted me to leave and go home, but I promised to stay by your side." She smiled down at her girlfriend, handing off Arianna as the little girl began pawing at her chest and fussing. "I think our baby girl is hungry, Mom."

The woman smirked and tugged on her gown, resting the infant in her arms. She carefully urged the baby to latch on by rubbing her nipple against the baby's mouth until she began to suckle. Santana looked up at her lover and smiled tiredly, "Now you know how I felt when Alex was nursing." She smiled and put Rachel's hand on the baby's back as she happily ate. "Are the kids coming after school?"

Rachel rested her head on Santana's shoulder and watched their daughter eat with a soft smile. "They're coming as soon as visiting hours begin actually. I called their schools so they could have the day off." She glanced shyly up at Santana with a little smile, "It's not every day they get to meet their brand new baby sister after all."

"Spoiled little munchkins." She smiled fondly, resting her head on Rachel's. "I love you so much, Rachel. I never... never thought I'd be able to have this." She said sadly, "I thought... after everything that I'd never be able to do _this_ or have this experience. I love the kids, but when I found out I could have a baby... I was was so scared and so excited and you did this... You help us get our baby." She looked at her, her eyes filling with tears. "I love you so much."

Rachel leaned over and kissed Santana softly. "That's my job, Santana. I'm your girlfriend and I love you so much it hurts sometimes. It's my job to do my best to make your dreams come true. And this one?" She brushed her fingers over the sleepily suckling infant's back, "I couldn't be happier to be a part of this, love. And just so you are perfectly aware," she grinned impishly, "I am going to have so much fun calling you mom around her."

Santana chucked softly, "I'm sure you are." She smiled as she shifted her focus to looking to the baby. "Alex is going to be in love with you. We're never going to hold her again when he comes into her life." She pointed out.

Rachel laughed softly, "I think he was in love with her as soon as he was certain he had a baby sibling growing in your belly. He is entirely enamored of the idea of being a big brother." She kissed Santana's shoulder, squeezing her gently, "But I'm certain you'll still get your special mom and baby alone time with this precious little girl."

The darker woman smiled and snuggled closer to her girlfriend. "So will you." After several moments when the soft grunting and sighing of the baby could be heard, Santana detached her and carefully rubbed the baby's back. "You need to sign the birth certificate today before we go home... and we need to get some new baby stuff since you wouldn't let me buy anything till she was born."

"Of course, love," Rachel responded, holding her lover close, "but consider that now we know what size of clothing to get her. She is such a tiny little thing after all, though I think some of Alex's old things may fit in a pinch."

"I mean she's a baby, we don't need a lot. We still have Alex's stuff for the most part but we should take Kayla to help us... I don't want her to feel left out."

"I think that sounds perfect. Kayla is so excited to have a little sister after the boys." Rachel kissed Santana's cheek, "The two of you can have some one on one time if you think you can trust me with our girl and the boys for a couple hours."

"Of course. You're her mom." Santana replied, her hands rubbing the baby's back slowly as she spoke. "It's almost visitation, you might wanna go sign the kids in."

"I'm just mama, you're her mom." Rachel kissed Santana's cheek before wiggling out from behind her. "I'll go get our little rascals."

The darker woman's eyes where glued on the tiny bundle in her arms. "Okay," she smiled. "Did you call Beth? She wanted to know..." she said distractedly.

ﾓOf course I called Beth.ﾔ Rachel rolled her eyes with an amused smirk, ﾓAnd she _will_ be visiting after school.ﾔ Leaning over she kissed Santana over their baby girl, ﾓI even called your father and the childrenﾒs other grandparents _and_ emailed a first photo of our beautiful girl to the interested parties who, unlike your father - who, as I understand it, is likely boarding a plane now - cannot make the trip up.ﾔ

"My dadﾒs coming?" Santana smiled looking up from the baby. "Really?" she beamed as she looked at her lover. "Thank you... Now go get the kids before Ari starts screaming."

ﾓOf course your father is coming, Santana.ﾔ Rachel smirked, ﾓYou honestly believe he would stay away after his little girl gives birth for the first time? Iﾒm going to go get our other children but Iﾒll be back.ﾔ She kissed Santana one more time, dropping a gentle kiss to the top of Ariannaﾒs head before smiling and heading out the door.

Santana slid up the bed a bit so she could better see the kids when they came in. She adjusted the infant in her arms and smiled, "Ready to meet your big sister and brothers? Kayla is so smart and sweet, Caleb is genuine and sensitive and Alex... Alex is already your best friend, baby. They're really good kids. They'll love you so much."

* * *

><p>It was almost twenty minutes later before a soft knock announced the arrival of three cautious heads peeking around the door frame while their amused mother watched. Alex, the most adventurous of the trio, was the first to come in, clambering carefully up onto the chair his mother had slept in and onto the bed beside Santana. He leaned over her lap, carefully inspecting his new baby sister before looking up at Santana with a hopeful expression as his siblings came in.<p>

ﾓI hold, Mommy? I be careful...ﾔ

Santana kissed his cheeks and nodded, situating the boy on her legs facing her and holding out his arms. "Like this, baby," she smiled placing the content infant in his arms. "This is Arianna Lior St James-Lopez. Your baby sister."

ﾓHi, Ari,ﾔ he murmured, ﾓI'm Alex, your big brother.ﾔ He looked down at her in amazement, cuddling her close to his chest. ﾓShe itty, Mommy. Itty and _warm_. Not like baby doll.ﾔ

ﾓSheﾒs really tiny, Santi.ﾔ Kayla said, coming up beside the bed and reaching out to poke at one of the babyﾒs tiny hands, laughing when it curled around her finger. ﾓShe got me!ﾔ

Cale stood nervously by the door, looking worriedly between Santana and the baby before tugging on his motherﾒs shirt. ﾓMama, Santaﾒs not gonna forget me, right?ﾔ

Rachel smiled and crouched beside him and gave him a hug, ﾓThereﾒs no way she could forget you, little man.ﾔ Scooping him up, she stood with a soft grunt - even as the smallest boy, he was getting a bit heavy for her to carry around, ﾓHow could she possibly forget her Batman buddy?ﾔ

"She is little. She was so excited to meet you all that she came a few weeks early!" she smiled, her eyes trying to read Kayla's face for distress. "She knows youﾒre her big sister and brothers. Cale? Come see the baby?"

Cale nodded, letting Rachel carry him over and set him on the bed beside Santana. He leaned into her, sucking on his finger and watching the baby for a moment before looking up at Santana. ﾓIﾒm still your boy, right? You still love me?ﾔ He looked worried and unsure where his place was.

Kayla was wiggling the little girlﾒs hand around, watching the tiny hand gripped onto her finger with an amazed little smile when she heard her brother. ﾓDonﾒt be silly, Caley. Of course she does. Sheﾒs like Mama. Mama didnﾒt stop loving us because she had Lex.ﾔ

"I will love you forever. We just have Arianna to join our family. You and Alex are her big brothers and Kaylaﾒs her big sister. I still love you all and so does your mom." Arianna opened her eyes as Santana was talking and focused vaguely on Cale with a small yawn.

Cale waved at her shyly. ﾓHi, Arianna,ﾔ he whispered, leaning on Santana. ﾓShe has pretty eyes.ﾔ

Alex had been sitting quiet, just watching his baby sister and holding her protectively. When she opened her eyes, he nodded and looked up at Santana with a determined face. ﾓI protect Ari,ﾔ he wasnﾒt as articulate as his older siblings, but his little voice was firm and certain, ﾓI protect her _always_, Mommy.ﾔ

ﾓWeﾒre all gonna protect her, silly.ﾔ Kayla stuck her tongue out at her littlest brother. ﾓSheﾒs the tiniest of us.ﾔ

Alex shook his head, looking as fierce and determined as a three year old could. ﾓNo. _I_ protect! _My_ job!ﾔ

Santana chucked and kissed him. "You are all of our protector, Alex." she ruffled his hair with a smile. "we protect each other, okay? No matter what."

ﾓOkay,ﾔ he looked uncertain, but nodded, hugging Ari until she gurgled a protest, ﾓbut I protect Ari most.ﾔ

Kayla just rolled her eyes and climbed up on the bed to sit on the other side of Santana from Cale. ﾓSilly boy.ﾔ She hugged Santana, letting her head rest on the womanﾒs shoulder for a moment, watching Ari who still had a grip on her finger. ﾓThank you for letting me have a baby sister, Santi.ﾔ

"Gentle, Alex." Santana warned, looking over to check if she was okay before resting tiredly back with Kayla. "My pleasure, K." she smiled, "Want to hold her?"

ﾓCan I?ﾔ She looked shyly excited at the idea.

ﾓLet your sister have a turn with Ari, Alex.ﾔ Rachel murmured, from the chair sheﾒd taken once sheﾒd settled Cale beside Santana. The little boy looked like he was about to protest until his mama raised a brow at his near defiance. He pouted, but he let the baby be taken from his arms, hazel eyes watching intently every move she made away from him.

Santana settled the baby into Kayla's arms. "Youﾒre a pro at holding babies after these two." Santana smiled. "There you go." She pulled Alex to sit closer to her, a bit sad that Cale seemed disinterested.

Kayla smiled down at the baby girl, ﾓHi there, Arianna. Iﾒm Kayla and weﾒre gonna have lots of fun together when you get bigger, okay?ﾔ She leaned down and kissed the babyﾒs forehead. ﾓYouﾒre the best little sister ever already.ﾔ

Cale watched everything that was going on with nervous eyes, sucking on his finger and leaning into Santana. He wasnﾒt sure how things would change now that the baby was born, but he was scared that heﾒd lose the affection and attention heﾒd been getting from Santana for the last few years. His mama was busy all the time with Kayla and Alex stuff, but heﾒd had his Santa to hang out with and play with so it had been okay. Now there was another baby and it was _Santana__ﾒ__s_ and he was worried all of that would go away as the woman became more and more involved with her child and had less and less time for the middle boy.

Santana snuggled into Cale and dropped a kiss to his head. "We got ourselves a Batgirl," she whispered to him. "You and Robin ready to take on a new ward?" she reached down to hold his hand.

Cale looked up at Santana worriedly, but squeezed her hand and snuggled closer with a little nod. ﾓUh-huh. I guess so. Youﾒll still play with me, right? Wonﾒt forget me?ﾔ

"Cale? You're Like my BFF... I need you around to play with me! So you still want to play with me still?"

He nodded slowly with a shy smile, ﾓUh-huh. I donﾒt wanna stop playing with you, Santa.ﾔ Hesitant, he reached out to brush his fingers over the babyﾒs hair while his sister was cooing over her. ﾓSheﾒs soft, Santa. I think sheﾒs littler than Alex was. Maybe we... maybe we can all play when sheﾒs bigger?ﾔ He worried at his lower lip, ﾓSheﾒll get bigger, right?ﾔ

"I think she'll always be small like your mom, but yeah we can play with her." Santana smiled, "Te amo, Cale."

ﾓTe amo, Santa,ﾔ he murmured, petting his baby sisterﾒs hair with a soft smile while leaning up against Santana. ﾓI think Mamaﾒs sleeping.ﾔ

Rachel had scooted the chair around so she could fold her arms on the bedﾒs railing and watch her family interact with the newest member. At some point though, the weariness of waking up periodically though the night and sleeping in the chair crept up on her. Her head rested on her folded arms, a little smile on her lips, as she slept.

"Mmhum. She's tired, baby." she smiled, cuddling with all four children making her amazingly happy.

Rachel murmured something that could have been Santanaﾒs name in her sleep, shifting slightly in the awkward position sheﾒd managed to fall asleep in. Alex forwent admiring his baby sister for a moment to look up at Santana. ﾓYou come home soon? You and Ari and Mama? I miss you and Mama, Mommy.ﾔ

"Mama is coming home tonight." she said running her fingers through his hair. "I have to stay here with Arianna so that she can eat when she's in the hospital. Because she was early she needs to be watched over."

Kayla looked up from Ari like she wasnﾒt so sure about Santanaﾒs assurance their mother would be coming home tonight. ﾓSanti, are you sure? Mama doesnﾒt like when youﾒre not home. Are you sure sheﾒs coming home tonight?ﾔ

ﾓYeah,ﾔ Cale looked up at Santana, nodding, ﾓshe gets sad when youﾒre not home, Santa. It makes me sad. And I miss you too.ﾔ

"I know but I'm insisting that she goes home," Santana nodded, "I get sad too, but she also needs to go shopping so I need you guys to help her." she looked at Kayla, "I need you to help her get ready for our baby girl to come home."

Ari started fussing and Santana took her back and draped a cloth over her breast so she could nurse the infant.

Alex wiggled until he was laying on his belly, looking up at Santana and Ari. ﾓI hold Ari when you home, Mommy? Love Ari lots and lots.ﾔ He reached out and tickled one of her tiny feet.

ﾓYou gotta be supervised, Lex.ﾔ Kayla replied, reaching over and messing his hair up, making him scowl. ﾓYouﾒre too little to hold her alone. If your arms get tired and you drop her cause youﾒre alone, youﾒll feel awful. Thatﾒs what Mama told me when I was little with Caley and you.ﾔ Glancing up at Santana through her black rimmed glasses, she grinned, ﾓI like shopping, Santi. Can we go find something for Ari when you come home? You and me?ﾔ

"That's right, baby girl. We can go get her lots of stuff and Alex and Cale can babysit with your mom." she smiled before adjusting to cover her breast. "Cale, will you help me decorate Ariﾒs room?"

ﾓIﾒm not your baby girl any more,ﾔ Kayla pointed out wistfully, reaching over to gently stroke Ariﾒs back. ﾓShe is.ﾔ

"You always will be." Santana pouted as she looked at Kayla. "Age does not get you out of that!"

Cale nodded after thinking about it for a moment. ﾓUh-huh. Can we put Batman in her room?ﾔ He sucked on his finger for a moment before offering shyly, ﾓShe can have my Batman blankie. Do you think sheﾒd like that?ﾔ

ﾓI think sheﾒll love it, baby.ﾔ Santana whispered, hugging Cale with one arm and kissing the top of his head.

ﾓWhy are you crying, Santa?ﾔ He asked, reaching up a wiping away the tears.

ﾓYeah,ﾔ Alex added, looking worried, ﾓdonﾒt cry, Mommy. Ariﾒs okay!ﾔ

"Baby hormones." she sniffled before removing the infant from her breast. "I'm just really happy, okay?"

ﾓOkay.ﾔ Cale and Alex both wiggled up until they could plant kisses on either of her cheeks. ﾓI like when youﾒre happy, Santa,ﾔ the older boy smiled, sitting back down. ﾓIf Ariﾒs done eating, can I hold her?ﾔ

Kayla was clambering off the bed and padding over to Rachelﾒs side as her brothers spent time with Santana and the baby. Tugging on her momﾒs shirt, she tried to pull her back away from the bed. ﾓMama, wake up.ﾔ She shook her slightly, ﾓYouﾒre gonna get all stiff sleeping like that.ﾔ

Rachel stirred, blinking sleepily at Kayla before sitting up with a yawn and wiping at her eyes. ﾓI fell asleep?ﾔ

Santana settled the baby between the boys with a smile. "Wanna take a nap with her?"

Caleﾒs brow furrowed, ﾓDonﾒt wanna take a nap, Santa. Itﾒs early and Iﾒm not tired. Maybe Lex does though?ﾔ

ﾓI nap with Ari.ﾔ Alex nodded, snuggling beside the baby girl.

Cale sighed and worked his way over to the edge of the bed to try and slide off. He wanted to get to hold the baby like his brother and sister got to, but he understood nap time. ﾓMama, can I sit in your lap?ﾔ

Rachel blinked in confusion, reaching for her oldest son. ﾓOf course, sweetheart.ﾔ

Once Alex fell asleep she moved to take the infant and carefully took the baby to Cale. "Here you go." she knelt down with some effort and settled the infant in his arms. "Don't let him hog her, okay? She's your baby sister too."

Cale shifted his arms to better cradle the tiny girl, snuggling into his momﾒs lap and smiling down at the little girl. ﾓHi, Ari,ﾔ he whispered. ﾓIﾒm your biggest brother even if Iﾒm little like you. Iﾒm gonna take good care of you, okay?ﾔ He hugged her, pressing his cheek against the black fuzz of her hair.

Rachel wrapped her arms around the both of them, leaning back into the chair as Kayla leaned over her shoulder to hold the babyﾒs hand with two fingers. ﾓI told you theyﾒd love her, beautiful.ﾔ She smiled at her lover. ﾓAnd that sheﾒd be perfect. But you should get back into bed. Itﾒll already take almost two months to heal from bringing your little girl into the world, no need to tear something and make it last even longer.ﾔ

Santana's eyes flicked up. "What?" she carefully got up and looked at her girlfriend. "Two.. months for... Oh." she dejectedly. She got onto the bed and pouted.

The smaller woman chuckled softly, resting her chin on Caleﾒs head. ﾓDonﾒt feel so bad, Santana. Iﾒll give you extra cuddles while youﾒre healing _and_ youﾒll get to cuddle with your precious girl _and_ these other three too. Besides, I know that I certainly didnﾒt feel interested in any rigorous activity until I healed properly. Entirely too sensitive and painful to even imagine.ﾔ

Santana continued to pout on the bed as ale played with her IV. "I guess..." she sighed dramatically, "but I'm gross and fat right now and that's fine.." she fixed her gown and tried to run her fingers through her hair and tried to clear out the mats.

Rachel rolled her eyes and stood, turning to settle Cale in the chair with Kayla and an admonishment to keep the baby safe, before turning back to Santana with a smile and climbing onto the bed. ﾓYouﾒre not fat,ﾔ she kissed her softly, ﾓor gross. Youﾒre a beautiful brand new mother and I love you more than my own life. Let me take our three oldest home and Iﾒll bring back your brush and shampoo so we can wash your hair and brush it out so youﾒre comfortable, okay?ﾔ

She rested her forehead against Santanaﾒs smiling softly, ﾓYouﾒre so beautiful, Santana Lopez.ﾔ She combed her fingers through her loverﾒs hair, doing her best to miss the worst tangles. ﾓAnd before you argue about my coming back, I need to see you before I sleep. I donﾒt sleep well without you, but Iﾒll do my best as long as I can at least spend some time with you before then.ﾔ

"Okay." Santana whispered, she kissed Rachel softly much to the distress of the children making gagging sounds to the left. "Come back soon." she whispered, mildly frightened to be all alone with the newborn.

Rachel climbed off the bed, scooping up the sleeping boy on her way. "I'll always come back to you as quickly as I can, Santana. Come on, guys. Let Santana have some one on one mother-daughter time with Arianna, okay?"

Cale nodded, handing the sleeping baby gingerly to his sister who walked her over and handed her to Santana after kissing her forehead. "We're making paintings for her nursery. Lex is getting help from Bethie, but we're all doing our best, Santi. Come home soon, ok?"

"It will be perfect, baby," she whispered as cupped Kayla's face. "Be good alright? I'll be home soon." She waved to Cale and smiled, "Goodnight, I'll call before you go to bed okay?" She blew them a kiss and watched them leave. She cuddled her daughter and sang softly to the little carmel bundle in her arms.


	44. Chapter 44: Poke

**Chapter 44**

Arianna was finally home. After nearly a week of being in he hospital, Doctor Winters gave the women the go ahead to take their newest child home. Santana wrapped the tiny infant in several blankets - including Cale's donated Batman blanket- and fastened a little hat to her head and slid her into the babyseat and watched as Rachel carried her out to the car.

When they finally reached the house Kayla came and took Santana's hand and followed her mother and baby sister into the house.

"Santi?" She said with a shy smile, "Uncle Noah let me help him paint Arianna's bedroom."

"Did he now? Did you have a good time?" Santana asked, a distinct hint of exhaustion tingling her voice. Kayla nodded and watched as Rachel set Arianna's carseat down on the floor and Cale and Alex surrounded it. "Boys! Arianna is sleeping please try and not wake her up." Santana said sternly, the baby had been restless the night before at the hospital and it had taken a long time to get her to sleep before they left.

"Do you wanna see the room?" Kayla asked, when Santana nodded the older girl escorted her down the hall to the nursery. Rachel and Kayla had decided on a soft red color for the walls - knowing that Santana wouldn't want pink - the crib was black, so was the changing table and shelves. They had found black and white silhouettes of birds and placed them on the walls. On the wall where the crib was placed calligraphy with Arianna's first and middle names were carefully painted.

Santana covered her mouth with her hand as she gaped at the room. "It's so beautiful, Kayla." Santana whispered, "Thank you."

"Do you think Ari will like it?" She asked as she wrapped her arms around Santana's waist, "I wanted to make it special for her. Mommy wanted this wall paper, Santi, it was so gross, Uncle Noah made fun of her."

"What did it look like?" Santana asked, as they headed back out to the living room to find Rachel.

"It was like, blue and grey and it had diamonds like my grandpa's socks." Kayla said a offended grin upon her face.

"Oh god, was it argyle?" Santana started laughing softly, "Thank you so much for not putting that in Ari's room!"

Rachel looked up just in time to hear her lover laughing at her choice of wallpaper and crossed her arms with a huff. "I'll have you know that argyle is a perfectly lovely pattern. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it."

"Yes there is," Kayla responded seriously, pushing her glasses up her nose, "it looks like Granpa Leroy's socks."

Santana laughed and kissed her older daughter's head. "This is why you rock," She smiled and her head turned quickly when she heard the baby let out a screech. Santana quickly moved over to see Alex looking up wide eyed.

"Didn't do nothing!" He exclaimed and ran to hide behind Rachel as Santana leaned down and took her baby out of the carrier and bounced her softly. "Why she cry?"

"She just woke up, Alex. It's okay." Santana replied, running her hand up and down the baby's back trying to soothe her crying. "It's okay, _mija_. Don't be scared, you're okay." Santana whispered in the girl's ear as she tried to calm her down.

"Is she okay?" Rachel asked, patting Alex's hair and coming down the last couple of steps to run her hand gently over the crying baby's back. "Easy now, sweetheart," she cooed, "your mom has you, you're ok."

"She's okay, right, Mama?" Kayla asked worriedly, tugging on Rachel's shirt.

The smaller woman smiled down at her daughter and brushed her hand through her hair, "She's fine, baby girl. Just unhappy at waking up, the same as you and your brothers get some times."

Cale chewed on his lip, looking downcast. "I didn't mean to wake her," he whispered, "I just wanted to give her a kiss..."

"It's okay, Cale." Santana assured him, "She's just cranky, she didn't sleep much last night." She leaned down and kissed Cale's cheek. "Want to come see if she need to get changed and we can show her the paintings you, Alex and Kayla made?" When Cale nodded Santana carried the baby and followed Cale back in the nursery.

She closed the door behind him, wanting some time with Cale so he didn't feel completely left out. She sat down in the rocker when Arianna stopped screaming and she patted her knee for Cale to come sit on.

Cale climbed awkwardly into her lap, leaning against her and reaching his hand to out to Ari so she could grip his finger. "I'm sorry I woke her up, Santa. I didn't know she hadn't slept much." He rested his head on Santana's shoulder, watching Ari as she gripped his finger in her tiny fist.

"Remember how much Alex cried when he was a baby?" She whispered resting her cheek on the boy's head. "She's gonna do that too. She can't talk so when she wants our attention or is upset she's gonna cry. It's not your fault."

He nodded, his eyes staying on Ari as she watched him. "Okay. But I don't like it when she cries. She's smaller than Alex was. And she's a girl. She's not supposed to cry when I'm around." He sounded frustrated, a bit tired himself from not getting much sleep from all the questions from his excited baby brother.

Arianna cooed at him, making him smile. "See? She loves her biggest brother," she smiled and kissed his head. "Is Alejandro being annoying? He's really excited but he needs to calm down if he's bothering you..." she asked him, running her fingers through his hair.

Cale shrugged, snuggling into Santana and waving his hand so Ari moved her arm with him. "It's okay. He's real happy to be a big brother and not the littlest no more." He yawned, his eyes drooping a little closed. "Santa, do you think I could take a nap with you later? Like we used to?"

"Yes, please." She wrapped her arm around him and slid down a bit so she could snuggle with her boy and still hold Arianna. "I'd love that." she whispered, her own eyes falling closed as she listened to Cale breathe and Arianna coo.

The door creaked slightly as Rachel eased it open, peeking around to smile softly at the sight of the trio in the chair. Easing the door the rest of the way open, she slipped inside, crossing the floor to brush a gentle kiss against Santana's forehead. "If you're tired, love, why don't you go lay down for a while. Don't worry, I can take care of our little ones and let you rest for a bit."

Santana nodded, handing the infant to her girlfriend. "Come get me in a bit, she's going to need to eat soon," she mumbled before standing up with Cale in her arms and going to lay down in her bed. The minute they hit the bed, Santana was asleep cuddling the little boy.

* * *

><p>Alex woke up to the familiar almost complete silence of the house a little after midnight. He felt wide awake. Glancing over at his brother's bed, he carefully pushed back his blankets, shivering a bit at the chill in the air as he swung his legs over the edge and wiggled out of bed.<p>

His footy pajamas scritched softly against the floor as he padded across the room and eased the door open, giving one last glance back at his sleeping brother before slipping out into the hall. Gripping his teddy bear tighter, he padded down the hall, carefully making his way down the stairs and down to the nursery. He pushed open the door slowly, hesitating when it squeaked and looking down towards his parents' room before poking his tongue out in concentration and slipping into the room.

Spying Arianna's cradle, he scurried across the room and clambered up on the toybox nearby to peer inside. Seeing his sleeping baby sister, he grinned. "Hi, Ari. Wanna play with me?" he asked in a slightly too loud whisper, reaching in to touch her.

The baby stirred at the poke, her tiny face scrunching up unhappily. She kicked and flailed her tiny fists before letting out a piercing wail that had Alex scrambling back wide-eyed. "No, Ari! No cry! Shh!"

But the baby kept sobbing no matter what he did. Finally, he gave up, afraid of getting caught if he stayed too long. He scrambled off the toybox, hurrying out of the room and darting up the stairs, dropping his teddy bear at the foot of the stairs in his haste to flee before his moms caught him out of bed past his bedtime.

* * *

><p>Every night - <em>every<em> night - she woke up a the same time. She woke up a lot - she was an infant after all - but it was midnight, she had already been fed at 11:30 and she would wake up to be changed at close to two... but every night at midnight of the first week she was brought home she would wake up and scream. Santana opened her eyes and begrudgingly got up and slid into the nursery. She knew it was too soon to put the baby in the room by herself, but Rachel said it would be okay. Santana picked up her daughter and rocked her back and forth.

"Baby, what's wrong. Why are you crying?" She asked, as she checked all the things that might be making her cry. "Please stop crying." Santana sobbed after five minutes she had been trying to get the girl to stop screaming. "Please, Ari. Please."

Rachel groggily made her way out of bed and down the hall to the nursery when the baby wouldn't stop crying. "What's wrong, Santana?" she murmured, rubbing her eyes.

"I don't fucking know, Rachel. Every night, she's not wet, she's not hungry... I don't know what the fuck's wrong!" She exclaimed, tears streaming down her face. She was patting the girl's back and she paced in the room. "I can't do this. She's exhusted! She's going to get sick if she doesn't sleep. She _never_ sleeps!"

"First," Rachel began with a yawn, coming in the room and reaching for Arianna, "calm down. She's reacting to your agitation and it's distressing both of you. Second, there's probably a reason she's waking up and if we look at things, I'm sure we'll discover the reason."

She cooed softly at the baby, rocking her gently as she began walking. "Just sit down and breathe. She'll be fine."

Santana crumpled in the rocking chair, pulling her knees up to her chest. She had been sleeping less than two hours a night between feedings and the midnight screaming. The other three children woke up early and they had been off school for most of the past week for winter break so while Rachel went to the office Santana was at home with the four kids. She was loosing her focus and she was quickly losing her ability to function without crying.

Arianna kept crying, which unfortunatly triggered a hormonal reaction in Santana's body which caused her to began leaking milk through her shirt. "Fuck." Santana grumbled, covering her chest with her arms as she tried to keep from crying even more.

"Santana, I think you need a break." Rachel smiled reassuringly down at her girlfriend, "I was the same way when I had Kayla. It's very stressful having a baby and you've been handling the rest of the children as well." She bounced Ari lightly as she spoke, the infant gradually calming down, "How about I stay home today and take care of things so you can sleep in? We have enough breast milk in the fridge that I can take care of her morning feeding."

She crouched in front of Santana, reaching up with her free hand to stroke her cheek, wiping tears away. "You need to rest, love. It's okay. We'll figure out why she's waking up and everything will settle down. I promise." She leaned in and gently kissed Santana's cheek.

"She's only two weeks old. She won't take the bottle." Santana whispered, looking down at the woman she loved. "I just... everything is so hard, Rachel." She rested her head back, "I'm so scared she's gonna get sick from not sleeping. She's so little... It's too hard to try to make sure I give everyone enough attention. Trying to make sure Cale gets enough love. Trying to make sure Alex doesn't hurt the baby by hugging her too hard or drop her when he decides to try to pick her up!" She shook her head and her eyes caught the sight of a scraggly teddy bear. "Son of a bitch." Santana cursed under her breath.

"Santana, please don't swear around the children. I know it's hard." Rachel got up to start walking again when Ari started fussing once more, unaware of what Santana had noticed. "But that's why I'm here with you. We're raising the children _together_, Santana. And yes, she's still young, but you can go back to bed after morning feeding and let me handle everything until she needs you again."

"It's Alex." Santana curtly exclaimed, she stood up forgetting about covering her chest with her arms. "I told him to leave her alone!" She picked up the teddy bear and held it up to Rachel. "He's bothering her! He's waking her up!"

Rachel's lips thinned in irritation when she saw the teddy bear in Santana's hand. "Lower your voice, she's finally calming down. We'll talk to him and if necessary, we can move her cradle in our room to ensure he doesn't. I'm not happy with this discovery, Santana, but frankly it happened with Cale and Kayla when they became big siblings for the first time as well."

Santana just shook her head and threw the bear back on the floor and walked out of the room. She flopped down face first into the bed and silently sobbed out all of her agression, anger and worry. She curled into the pillow and tried to calm her breathing as she listened to the faint singing coming from the other room.

Rachel finally got Arianna calmed enough to sleep and put her back to bed. Picking up the bear with an unhappy sigh, she headed out of the room, closing the door completely behind her instead of leaving it open a crack as they usually did, knowing that Alex still had trouble reaching the higher doorknobs on the lower floor rooms to turn it. Heading back to the room she shared with Santana, she set the bear on the dresser, coming in and sitting on the bed beside her lover, reaching out to stroke her back. "I know you're angry and tired and very frustrated right now, but we'll get through this. Soon enough she'll be old enough to take a bottle and you'll be able to escape back to work a couple days a week while I stay here to manage things. We'll handle things with Alex." She bit her lip, swallowing down her own tired anxiety, "Please don't be mad at me or the children. He's just a little boy who's overly excited about being a big brother and hasn't yet learned how to handle it..."

"Not mad." She sniffled, her eyes bloodshot from exhustion and crying. "I'm... it's just too hard." Santana admitted, as she rolled onto her back. "Why is this so hard." she looked up pleadingly, "I understand hes excited but he knows what happens when you wake her up."

Rachel sighed, laying down beside Santana and wrapping an arm about her waist. "It's not that he doesn't realize, it's that," she paused considering her words in her sleep fogged mind for a moment. "Santana, all he's ever known is people older than him, _bigger_ than him. He's never really interacted with a baby. He probably doesn't understand that she's crying _because_ he's waking her up yet."

"Okay," she sighed and cuddled into Rachel. "I respect you and Jesse so much now." She laid her head on Rachel's chest and sighed. "I just need Ari to sleep more... I'm worried about her and she's not gaining enough weight..."

"She's two weeks and she was early. Give her some time, sweetheart. She's a fighter." Rachel nuzzled Santana's hair, stroking her back. "You're a wonderful mom and you're doing everything right. We'll talk to Alex and get him to understand that he can't wake her up anymore."

Santana nodded and sighed, her eyes drooping closed with exhustion. "Okay..." She sighed as she fell asleep clutching onto her girlfriend.

* * *

><p>Morning came quickly after their wake up, but having an idea about what was causing the wake up made it a little easier for Rachel to drag herself away from her exhausted girlfriend and into the kitchen to brew coffee and make a quick batch of pancakes for everyone. She even managed to get a call into the office to let them know she'd be working from home - though she doubted there'd be any problems as there were no meetings scheduled - before she heard the sounds of the children waking up. Pouring coffee into a travel mug so she wouldn't spill it, she headed into the nursery and picked up the starting to fuss baby.<p>

"Good morning, pretty girl," she murmured, moving to the changing table to change her diaper before carrying her out of the room, "I bet you're hungry aren't you? Want your mom, sweetie?"

She bounced her as she walked down the hall and slipped into the bedroom. Sitting on the bed, she gently stroked Santana's hair. "Santana, I have coffee and a beautiful little girl who wants you to feed her..."

Santana's eyes blinked open at the touch, she sat up a bit and pulled off her tshirt, she smiled softly as she took the infant out of her girlfriend's arms and rested her in the crook of her own arm. "Morning," she croaked, her voice raspy with sleep. She situated Arianna and got her to latch on to suckle as she ran her fingers through soft baby hair. "Did you sleep okay?" She whispered as she watched the baby drink.

"I was with you," Rachel replied with a soft smile as if that explained everything. "How about you? I made pancakes if you want to eat or you can go back to bed. Either way, I believe I'll be talking with Alex as soon as possible after breakfast to resolve the issue of him," she gave the bear she'd grabbed on the way in a little shake, "bothering our baby girl."

"I get that he's excited..." She whispered, wrapping the blanket around her to cover her exposed upper body when she heard the sound of little feet. She closed the blanket around the baby and herself so when Kayla came in with a her ponytail a mess and in her gymnastics sweatshirt and flannel pants she would be covered.

"Mom? It's snowing outside." Kayla pointed out as she came over to the bed and sat down.

"Is it, little star?" Rachel asked, giving the little girl a hug as she nodded. "Well, maybe we can go to the park later if you and your brothers are good, okay?"

Kayla brightened, "You're staying home, Mama?"

Rachel laughed, ruffling the girl's hair, "Yes, I'm staying home. Santana needs a day to relax now and then. You four are a bit of a handful after all."

"I'm sorry, Santi," Kayla looked worried, "We don't mean to upset you."

"You're not upsetting me, darling," Santana responded with a tired smile. "I'm just tired because your sister hasn't been sleeping well. You're perfect and so helpful, Kayla. Thank you so much."

Kayla hugged Rachel then kissed Ari's cheek and leaned up to do the same to Santana. "Okay. I'm gonna go make sure Caley and Alex don't make a mess eating breakfast, kay?"

"Hey, what about my kiss?" Rachel pouted, causing the little girl to laugh and kiss her cheek, "Okay, sweetie, but don't get too loud and tell Alex to come in here when you're done eating. We'd like to talk to him."

"Okay, Mama," Kayla nodded, hopping off the bed and heading down the hall to the kitchen.

Santana removed Arianna from under the blanket and laid her on the bed between the two. "My three favorite girls." Santana smiled as she ran her fingers over the baby's stomach.

Rachel stroked her hand through Santana's hair, leaning back against the headboard and watching Ari coo and wave her arms and legs. "We'll be honest and direct. We need to explain that he's hurting her by waking her up all the time and that she could get sick. Obviously just telling him not to wake her isn't working, so we need to give him a reason not to."

Santana closed her eyes and nodded. "I just don't understand _why_ he's waking her up. He gets to hold her whenever he wants when she's awake and I have to like pry her away when Cale wants to see her or I need to feed her. I love that he's protective and excited but I'm scared he's gonna smother her."

"She's still new. Think about how he is after the holidays when he gets a toy he's been wanting for a while." Rachel gently scratched Santana's scalp, "Don't you remember last year when we found him asleep under the tree with that silly, stuffed, robot puppy because he got up in the middle of the night to play with it?"

Santana nodded, "Where Cale and Kayla like that? Or is he just strange?" She asked as she closed her eyes at the feeling of getting a head massage. "I don't want him to be awkwardly smothering to things as he grows up... He'll scare off all of his little friends."

"They were, in their own ways," Rachel murmured, continuing to work her fingers against Santana's scalp. "It's something of a stage I think. They both grew out of it and I expect he will as well in time."

"okay." Santana sighed, as she picked up Arianna and rested the baby on her chest. She watched as the little girl settled down when the soft thumping of Santana's heartbeat hit her ear.

Rachel let her eyes close for a few minutes with a soft smile as she continued to comb her fingers through Santana's hair, just enjoying being with her lover and their youngest child. She dozed there for nearly twenty minutes before a tiny knock and the sound of the door squeaking open roused her. She raised a brow at the look of guilty trepidation on the face of the little boy creeping into the room.

"Kay sayed want see me," he murmured, climbing awkwardly onto the bed.

Santana's eyes opened and she instinctively wrapped a protective arm around her daughter when the door opened. She watched as Alex climbed onto the bed in his superman pyjamas that he wore to annoy his brother. "How did you sleep, Alejandro?" She asked the little boy.

"Um, okay?" He sounded nervous and uncertain, not liking being called special to talk to his parents.

Rachel's lips twisted unhappily, "Without your teddy bear? Alex, what were you doing last night after you were supposed to be in bed?"

Arianna yawned as she started trying to suck on Santana's shirt. "Babe, can you grab me the pacifier?" Santana asked, reaching for the plastic soother from the bedside table. "Thanks," she mumbled when Rachel handed it to her. She sucked on it for a second - knowing that Arianna hated it dry - and popped it into the girl's mouth. "Tell the truth, Alex."

Alex squirmed, knowing he was in trouble. "I just wanna play," he whispered with a pout, "she always cries. I don' wan' her cry..."

Santana sighed, "What have I told you every day this week when you sneak in there when I put her down for a nap?" She watched the boy look down, "I ask you to leave her alone because she needs to sleep. You can play with Cale and Kayla..."

"But they don' wanna play wit' me, Mommy." He frowned, picking at the blanket he was sitting on, "And they's sleep when I up. Ari's little like me and wakes lots anyway."

"Arianna doesn't want to play at midnight either, Alex." Santana sighed, frustrated. She looked up to Rachel for help.

Rachel sighed, pulling her youngest son over. "Alex, you can't wake Arianna up just because you want to play with her. She's far too small to play with you yet and," she tilted his chin up to meet her eyes, "if you keep waking her up and not letting her sleep, she could get sick. And your mommy and I could get sick too because we have to take care of her and get her back to sleep after you wake her up. Do you want that?"

Alex shook his head, his eyes wide. "No, Mama. Don' wan' that. Don' wan' Ari sick or Mommy sick or you sick."

"She knows you love her..." Santana added, "But she's little and can't do much until she gets bigger." she explained as she rubbed the girl's back. "But when she's big? Shes gonna be wanting to play all the time."

"You sure?" Alex sighed, "No touch Ari when sleep?"

"That's right, Alex." Rachel murmured, brushing a hand through his hair, "You're her big brother and have to protect her, so no more waking her up, okay?"

His little face screwed up and he looked sad, "Can't go see Ari when sleeping?"

"You should be sleeping at those times too, little man." Santana pointed out as she ran her hand through this hair. "Maybe you and Ari can take your afternoon nap together? But no more waking her up okay? She needs to sleep a lot because she's new."

"I can nap wit' Ari?" He looked hopeful. "Can make sure Ari sleeps good?"

Santana caved and nodded. "You can sleep in her room when you both take your nap after lunch." She sat up and rocked Arianna back and forth gently. "She will get bigger faster if we let her sleep as much as she wants okay?"

Alex nodded. "Okay. Won't let no one wake Ari." He looked so fierce and determined that Rachel had trouble restraining her laughter as she hugged him.

"That's right, Alex. You're a good big brother."

"You are both mildly insane." Santana smiled as she got off the bed and went to change the baby's diaper. "But thank you, Alex, you're a good big brother and you'll protect the baby." She leaned down and pressed kisses on Arianna's stomach and tickled her softly before getting her changed and dressed. "Breakfast time?"

"Definitely, I'll go fix a couple of plates for us," Rachel smiled, leaning up to kiss Santana before getting up and heading out with Alex cradled in her arms, the little boy waving over her shoulder.

Santana smiled and dressed her daughter in a purple onesie and popped a beanie on her head. "Got to keep you warm, baby." she picked her back up and carried her out to the living room. Cale and Kayla were watching the Discovery Channel when Kayla looked up and reached out for the sister.

"Can I hold her?" she asked and Santana smiled and placed the baby in Kayla's arms before dropping a kiss on their heads. "Morning, Caleb." she kissed him and headed into the kitchen.

* * *

><p>It was nearly two hours later when Cale tugged on his mother's shirt where she sat on the sofa next to Santana and Ari. "Can we go play outside, Mama? It stopped snowing..."<p>

Santana looked over at her girlfriend and smiled, "I'll get them dressed for the snow if you watch the baby?" Santana offered, standing up and reaching out for Cale's hand. "Kayla, wanna go play outside?" Santana called over to the girl.

"Yeah, Santi!" She exclaimed as she clambered over to the stairs, "I'll get 'Lex changed too." She said as she helped the boy upstairs to their bedrooms.

"Come on, Caleb. Let's get you warm." She took him to the bedrooms and helped the boys get into their snow suits.

Rachel laughed softly watching them all tumble off. "Let's get you bundled up so you can be outside with us too, okay?" she murmured to the baby in her arms who cooed and gummed at a fistful of her hair.

A half hour - and one call to Ajay informing them that the roads were in far too bad a condition to drive when it wasn't an emergency - later, the not so little family was tumbling out the backdoor into the yard. Alex cheered as he managed to knock Cale over into a snow drift only to yell as his big sister returned the favor, upsetting him into the bank as well. Rachel called out for them to be careful as she dusted off a chair and settled Santana with the well-swaddled baby into it.

"There we are. If you think she's getting cold, or if you are, just go inside, love." Rachel leaned in to kiss Santana only to be whacked upside the head with a powdery snowball launched by her eldest daughter. "Why, you little...!"

Santana giggled and wiped the snow out of her lover's hair. "Go get her, payback's a bitch." She smiled and kissed her already frosty girlfriend. She brought Arianna up to her shoulder and shielded her from the cold with the blanket around her shoulders as she watched the children playing.

"Don't swear around the children," Rachel chided, sneaking another kiss before laughing and darting off the tiny porch to tackle her daughter into the snow.

The woman laughed and rolled in the snow with their older children, tossing Alex in the air and throwing snowballs. As the children grew too tired to run and throw snow any longer, Rachel coaxed them in to rolling snow into balls to make a snowman. Kayla, the biggest, rolled the bottom ball, Alex making a lopsided torso with Rachel's help and Cale rolling the head.

They assembled the snowman with much huffing and struggle, Rachel and Kayla setting the head on it and making it taller than any member of the household. The mother helped her boys push branches fallen from the yard's lone tree in for arms. Holding Alex, she turned to Santana.

"I think you and Arianna should create the face of our creation," she smiled at the bundled pair, "and make it truly a family effort."

Santana laughed softly and stood up. She carefully brought herself and the baby down in the snow drift to where the family was. She readjusted the baby and held her hand out for Kayla to put the carrot in it. "Ready, Arianna?" She asked and stuck the carrot in for its nose and the old buttons that Cale had found as the snowman's eyes. "Thanks, guys," Santana smiled and finished the sculpture. "Looks amazing." She smiled, "How about I go make some hot cocoa for when you guys come in?" She was worried about keeping the infant outside for any longer. Even though she was very bundled up and no air was hitting skin, she was still tiny.

Rachel tugged her close and kissed her, ignoring the laughing yells from their children. "Go ahead, love. We'll be in shortly."

Santana blushed softly and headed back into the house. She laid Arianna down and took off some of her layers and peppered her face with kisses. "Mommy loves you so much." Santana whispered as she pulled away and began making a large pot of hot cocoa for the family.


	45. Chapter 45: Truth

**Chapter 45**

If they'd thought that Arianna being born would help reduce some of the stress in their household, they'd forgotten about the tabloids. Barely even two weeks after she came home, a photo spread hit the TMZ website depicting not only Santana but the baby in what was obviously their backyard. Star put out an exclusive about the "Lopez Love Child" with a shot that couldn't have been taken by a paparazzi.

Beth had been at the corner market picking up some bread and a fresh bottle of milk when she saw the glossy magazine and felt the blood drain out of her face. She'd grabbed the top copy - paying distractedly for it along with the groceries - and stared in shock, only taking her things and change when the clerk prompted her. She stumbled slightly over the lip of the door as she made her way outside to walk the short block to her home.

She knew the photo. She was certain she did. Unlocking the door when she reached her building, she rushed up the stairs to the small apartment she shared with her mom. Hurrying into her room, she opened up her laptop and clicked into her photos folder.

There it was.

She shook her head in disbelief, looking between the cover and the photo she'd just opened up. There was no getting past it. Somehow the photo she'd taken when she'd gone to see her new niece the week before had gotten published in a tabloid.

She felt nauseous thinking about it, but there was only one possibility to how they would have gotten it since she hadn't emailed the photo or even connected her laptop to the internet since uploading it from her camera to the laptop and showing her mom. She didn't want to admit it even as she stood on trembling legs and started shoving clothes and school books into her duffel bag. Tears blurred her vision and spattered her laptop as she shut it and pushed it into her bag.

Zipping it shut, she scrawled a note on a piece of scrap paper and left it sitting on her desk under her keys as she headed out the door.

**Shelby,**

**I can't believe you did that to them. How could you? Rachel's your daughter and Santana loves her. I can't believe it but I can't stay with someone who would do something like that. What will you do if I date someone you don't like? Revile me? Try to tear my happiness away like you are hers?**

**You're not my mother. My mother would never do something so horrible.**

**Goodbye.  
>Beth<strong>

* * *

><p>It took longer than usual to reach the St James-Lopez household since she missed her stop the first time because she was crying on the subway. She still couldn't believe her mom could do it, but every time she looked at the magazine clutched in her fist the facts glared back at her and she couldn't deny it. She knew how badly the tabloids hurt her sister and her girlfriend and she just didn't want to believe her mom would go so far to hurt Rachel.<p>

She trudged up the front steps of the brownstone and rang the bell, her feet and shoulder aching from walking nearly a mile carrying a duffel packed with everything she cared about. She just prayed Santana would believe her when she told her she didn't sell the photo she'd been allowed to take of her niece.

Santana had just put the baby down for a nap when she heard the door. She went to the door. "Hey, _chica_." Santana smiled as she brought the girl in out of the cold. "What's up? Why are you crying?" She pushed the blonde's hair out of her eyes, "Talk to me, Beth. Are you okay?"

Beth sniffled, barely able to meet Santana's eyes through her tears. "I didn't do it, Aunt San. I swear I didn't. I'd never do that to you and Rachel. I just I wouldn't!"

Santana brought her into the house and sat her on the sofa. "What?" Santana was confused, "Don't cry, Beth. I have no idea what your talking about."

"I," Beth wiped at her eyes with the heel of her palm in a manner that was strongly reminiscent of her birth mother before handing Santana the crumpled magazine, "I saw it on the stand at the corner market near where I lived. I... I think Shelby did it. Why would she do that, Aunt San? Why?"

The older woman's eyes bore into the magazine cover. It was her and her daughter, the only images of the baby resided inside the family. "How... What? Love child? I can't even get pregnant naturally... Beth what's? Shelby? " Then it all clicked with the tabloids from before.

"Your mother is a fucking bitch," Santana swore. "Jesse was like a child to her and when Rachel cut her off from the kids... None of this is on you. You are family, you are. Wait...lived?"

"I can't stay there," the teen twisted the hem of her shirt in her hands, her breath shaky, "she's not my mom. My mom wouldn't do something like this. She wouldn't. I don't know her. I," she finally looked up at Santana, worried and distressed, "What if she does this to me? If she'd do this to Rachel..."

"She is your mom legally," Santana countered. "She and Rachel have always had issues, sweetheart. I don't think she'd do this to you, she's doing this to _me_ but hurting everyone else."

Beth's brow furrowed and she shook her head. "I saw the tabloids that said Rachel was cheating with Noah. That wasn't about you. She made my sister look like a... a _slut_ and a _cheater_ because she doesn't like her being with you! It's not all about you, San." She sniffled again and wiped her eyes, "She's doing this to the kids and they don't deserve it. Neither does Rachel or you. I don't want to live with her anymore."

Santana pulled the girl into a hug. "Okay. Okay, sweetheart." Santana rubbed her back as her maternal instincts to protect her friend's biological child. "We'll figure all of this out and get it to be okay," she stayed silent for a few minutes and rocked the teen back and forth. " You'll stay here tonight, we'll figure this all out."

Beth sniffled and snuggled into the embrace. "Why does she have to be so mean, San? It's not right. Why can't she leave you and Rachel alone? Why can't she just be happy for you?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "We can figure this out, I promise and until then you can stay with us and the kids."

"Thank you," Beth whispered, snuggling into the older woman's side, "I'm so sorry this is happening."

"Me too," Santana sighed, "We can't choose family, but I love your sister and the kids love you and so do I. So it will be okay, I promise. We'll make it okay." she sighed, hearing Arianna crying as she spoke. "Let me go get the baby," she smiled as she went and got the infant.

As Santana walked away, Beth drew her feet up on the sofa, holding her knees close to her chest and burying her face in her duffel. She sighed softly with a quiet whimper. Everything was messed up. She didn't know how she could even look at her mom the same after what she did.

She looked up with a sad smile and little wave as Santana came back with Arianna. "Hi, Ari."

Santana sat back down cradling the baby. "Hi, Aunty Beth." She smiled and held the baby up to her. "Wanna snuggle with her? She's warm and smells like vanilla and lavender and she makes everything better." She smiled and kissed her daughter's hair.

"Can I?" Beth looked up at Santana from the baby hopefully, straightening up and sliding her duffel off her lap to the floor. "I didn't get to hold Alex or the others much cause I was too young and my mom was always around and stuff."

She smiled, as she slid the the baby into the blonde's arms. "Here you go." She put the bag off to the side and she sat back against the couch. "She likes you." Arianna's little arm lifted up and tangled in Beth's hair as she smiled and cooed.

Beth sniffed and laughed, bouncing the infant gently, "She's so warm, San! It's so awesome that you could have a baby with my sister." She leaned in and rubbed noses with Ari, giggling softly. "San? Why aren't you and Rachel married? You love each other enough, right?"

"Rachel's still married to Jesse." Santana shrugged as she ran her fingers over her daughter's feet. "I never thought I would have gotten divorced, I never believed in divorce and I don't really know." She sighed and offered the girl a soft smile. "I grew up when women couldn't get married when they loved each other. My religion still doesn't allow it, so I don't know what I think. I have your sister, I have my amazing children who I'm the legal parent of and I have Arianna who was made out of love."

"But," Beth looked up at Santana confusedly, "but Jesse died like... almost four years ago. And it's totally cool for two women to get married to each other. Tommy at school's moms are married." She frowned looking mildly distressed, hugging Ari to her chest, "Don't you wanna marry my sister?"

"I will be with her until I die," Santana assured her as she looked up from her child. "I love her more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. I would marry her if that's what she wanted, hell I'd do anything for her because she'd do anything for me. She was so amazing when I went through everything a few years back. She went through hell with me and she let me get strong enough to have this little amazing thing." She smiled again when she spoke about her daughter. "I never though I'd be able to have a child... so yeah, I'd do anything for Rachel."

Beth let out a little sigh, relieved, "Okay. As long as you like would and stuff." She smiled, "Ari's kinda awesome already."

"Yeah, she is." she stated proudly, taking her back and settling her in to eat as they talked. "You, my dear," she cocked her head to Beth, "Were the first baby I ever held."

Beth's eyes went wide. "Really? I knew you when I was just a baby?" Then her brow furrowed, confused, "But I didn't know Rachel until I was like Cale's age..."

"I knew your birth parents." she stated, as she readjusted her breast and the baby covering it. "I was really close friends with them back in the day," Santana smiled softly, "so I saw you when you were first born."

"Oh wow," Beth wiggled so she was leaning back against the arm of the couch, watching Santana with her knees drawn up to her chest. "What were they like? I mean, I kinda know Noah but like not really and stuff. I don't know my real mom at all..."

"Quinn was something else." Santana smiled fondly, "Pretty and blonde like you, and very smart. She was the head cheerleader and the town heartthrob, but she would never really date anyone because she was too good for that. She and I were friends forever..."

Beth nodded, resting her chin on her knees. "Quinn..." she breathed. "That's a pretty name. But if she didn't date anyone, where did I come from?" She looked worried, her mind - influenced by a certain brunette they both cared for - going to the worst possibilities.

"You, my dear, came from Quinn never having fun in life and not being allowed to do anything. Her dad was one of those dickhead people who control everything. Quinn liked Puck and they slept together one night and then he bounced - well, he tried to be with her but she was really, really scared." Santana sighed, "She was your age."

Beth looked nervous, fiddling with the sleeves of her shirt. "My age? That's really, really young. Shelby and Rachel both say I shouldn't sleep with a guy just cause I like him and he says he likes me. They say if he really likes me he'll wait until I'm ready and it's special." She turned her head so her cheek was resting against her knees, "Rachel told me Jesse waited for her and so did you and that's how she knew you were the ones for her."

"I know, sometimes that doesn't always happen." Santana admitted, "I agree with your mom and sister, it's your choice but at least you're educated. Your mom wasn't and you came along. She loves you so much, that's why she decided to give you up to Shelby. Q wanted you to have a better life than she did and prior to this recent craziness you have."

She sighed, a bit more dramatically than necessary. "I know. But I still wish I coulda known her." She scratched a little pattern on the knee of her jeans, "Rachel says I look like her, but I don't know, you know? She's my _real_ mom and stuff, but I don't know like anything about her. Does she like the stuff I like? Is she anything like me? I don't know any of it..."

"I have some photos somewhere..." She looked around until she saw a dusty photo album on the bottom shelf of the bookcase. "There. Go grab it?" she asked as she pointed it out. "It has childhood pictures and some from high school."

"Really?" Beth beamed at Santana, scrambling off the sofa to go and retrieve the photo album. Cracking it open noisily as she returned to the sofa, she giggled. "Have you shared this album with Rachel?"

"Why?" She looked sideways trying to see the photo the girl was looking at.

Beth settled back on the sofa and turned the book to show three diaper clad toddlers - one with dark hair and the other two blondes - screaming and running in the mud under a sprinkler. "Cause I think she'd just love to see this one if she hasn't," she teased with a smirk.

"Aww, snap. The one holding my hand is Quinn, the one eating the mud? That was our friend Brittany." Santana smiled looking at the photo. "Good times." She removed her daughter and covered up before snuggling with the now sleepy infant.

"You all looked so happy," Beth brushed a finger over the photo with a wistful smile - Shelby moving around a lot and living in apartments had kept her from get a chance to form friends like in the photo. She turned the pages slowly, smiling to see her sister's girlfriend growing up in the pictures. Then she got to high school.

"You look so angry in most of these," Beth commented with a frown, "not like you are now..."

"I was angry." She shrugged, "Like Quinn, I wasn't who I wanted to be. I stifled myself to fit an image and I was very unhappy for many years. When I got to college, I married the first boy who told me he loved me." she sighed watching her baby as she slept.

"The first?" Beth looked up sadly, "Didn't anyone tell you they loved you before then? And," she frowned thinking for a moment, "and what about Rachel? She said you were friends in high school. Friends love each other, right?"

"I was hot and mean in high school. No one really liked being around me for more than physical reasons." She laid the baby down on her thighs so she could rub her stomach. "Except Quinn, Brit and even Rachel put up with my crap even though I was mean to her."

Santana shrugged, "And I thought that I was in love with him." She shrugged again, "It's all okay now." Looking down, she saw a picture of her and Quinn at graduation. "Ironically this was your second birthday."

"I think that maybe if you had given Rachel a chance in high school," Beth smiled shyly up at her from the page with a graduation shot of the seniors of Glee, "she would have been your friend. She's really loyal and from the way she talks about you back then and stuff, I think she liked you." She shrugged, "She thinks you were her friend in high school no matter how mean you say you were."

"I know. I had issues, but we're okay. We're amazing now so don't worry." she continued to rub her daughter's belly causing her to coo and smile. "So Quinn lives in Boston now as far as I'm aware."

"Boston?" Beth narrowed her eyes thoughtfully, "That's like not far, right? There's like trains to there and stuff."

"Yep, I can contact her if you want. Find out what she's doing. No pressure, sweetheart."

Beth nodded slowly, "I... think I'd like that. Meeting my mom - my _real_ mom - and stuff, you know?" She looked uncertain in a way that reminded Santana of another blonde years earlier, "Do you think she'd want to meet me? Like do you think she'd want to like say hi and stuff? She never tried to contact me, San. Not like Noah does."

"She wanted to respect you by staying away." Santana stated. "I can't promise, but I'll email her as well. She's your birth parent, she's not your mom Beth, please don't think that she is. It's not something she wanted and you have to respect that okay?"

"Yeah." Beth shrugged, setting the photo album aside and hugging her knees again. "I never thought I'd be that much like my sister," she whispered softly, "not having a real mom and stuff. It's kinda sad."

"No matter what she's doing to us, Shelby loves you. We can contact Quinn, but I want you to be okay if she's not willing to give you what you want, okay?" Santana sighed, "She's amazing. She is someone who loves completely and it was really hard to give you up, but she did it for you."

"Okay, yeah. Sure." Beth murmured, shrugging again, resting her cheek on her knees so she wouldn't have to look at Santana and show how upset she was. After everything she'd discovered Shelby had done to Rachel - someone else she claimed to love - she wasn't willing to believe that the woman loved _anyone_ but herself. And maybe Jesse. Quinn didn't want her either. Right then, she didn't feel like anyone really wanted her and it was hard to keep from crying.

Santana rested the baby on the chair before coming over and hugging the blonde. "We love you so much, Beth. We will always want you and love you no matter what, okay?"

"Uh-huh." She just nodded into her knees with a little sniffle, letting Santana hug her wishing that the people who were _supposed_ to love and want her would. The woman she'd always called her mom was behaving irrationally vindictive towards her birth daughter - leaving her no choice but to believe she would do the same or worse to her no matter what Santana said. The woman who'd given birth to her didn't want her. She just didn't know where she belonged any longer.

Santana kissed her head. "You can stay with me and Rachel, okay?" she murmured, rubbing the girl's back.

Beth shrugged again, but let herself lean into Santana as she sniffled softly, trying not to cry. "Okay. I guess."

"You can cry, sweets." Santana whispered, rubbing Beth's back. "You're okay. We'll figure everything out and it'll get better."

Beth whimpered softly before throwing her arms around Santana and crying into her shoulder. "Why is so hard?" she sobbed brokenly, her words muffled by Santana's shoulder, "I just want to fit somewhere!"

"I know," she whispered comforting the teenager. "I know everything sucks right now, but we love you so much and we will try to make everything okay." she rocked her back and forth silently wishing for Rachel to come home.

* * *

><p>It was a few hours later before Rachel managed to make it home from a long day in the office. She'd been caught up in meetings all day and barely had an opportunity to eat lunch, let along call home. She was tired, aching and all she really wanted to do was take a hot bath and curl up in her girlfriend's arms.<p>

She dropped her things at the table by the door, tossing her keys into the little bowl and relocking the door behind her as she toed out of her shoes with a soft sigh of relief. Padding into the kitchen following the delightful aroma of brewing tea, she smiled tiredly to see Santana standing by the stove fixing two mugs. "Have I mentioned lately that you are amazing and it is entirely possible that you were sent from God himself?"

"You think that now." She smiled and turned around and kissed her girlfriend softly. "We missed you today." she whispered her arms wrapping around Rachel's waist. "The kids are all asleep." She smiled and pulled away to continue fixing the tea. "How was your day?"

"I think that always. And my day was long," she pressed a light kiss to her lover's cheek as she worked, "and tiring. Could I possibly talk you into a hot bath and extended cuddle session?" She pouted hopefully.

"I think that would be amazing." She smiled and carried the two mugs into the bathroom, putting them on the counter and leaning down to start the water in the claw-footed bath tub. "Just leave the door open a crack so we can listen for the baby." She asked quietly as she went behind Rachel and started helping her disrobe.

"Of course," Rachel murmured with a quiet smile, unfastening her skirt and shimmying out of it, working to get the rest of her clothes off before helping Santana finish with hers, pressing a light kiss to a tanned shoulder. "When did I get so lucky to fall in love with such an amazing woman?" she whispered against warm skin with a smile, "How was your day, love?"

Santana sighed and pulled away to finish pulling off her clothing and moving to sit in the tub before helping Rachel climb in and settle between her legs. She pulled Rachel back and held her silently for a few moment before speaking. "Beth's asleep in Kayla's room. Expect an angry call from Shelby in the morning."

"What?" Rachel looked back over her shoulder worriedly, "Why? What's going on?"

"A very long story short?" Santana rested her chin on Rachel's shoulder, "Beth ran away."

"What?" She sat up straight with a splash, looking at Santana in shock, "Why? Is she okay? Did something happen?"

"She was at the corner store and she looked at those trashy magazines... and one of them had a photo she recognized on it. It was me and Arianna from last weekend." She sighed, "Beth realized that Shelby got the photo off her computer and sold it to the tabloids. Rachel, she's got to be the one who was triggering the stories from a few months ago..."

Rachel slumped back against Santana with an unhappy sigh. "I should have guessed, I suppose." She shook her head, "I didn't want to think my own mother could do something so horrible." Her shoulders dropped and she seemed to almost melt against Santana, "And to involve Beth?" She sighed again, "She's not my mother, Santana, not after this. She never has been and she now never will be. I just wish I could have realized it sooner before she managed to hurt all of us so much. Is Beth okay?"

"No," Santana sighed, "I was sure for about five minutes that she was gonna bounce and go try to find Quinn." She picked up the washcloth and started rubbing it over Rachel's arms. "I calmed her down a bit. She wants to meet Quinn, I'm going to see if I can make that happen... but she doesn't know what to do now she feels like she's been thrown away twice now."

Rachel sighed wearily, "Unfortunately, I know exactly how that feels. Damn Shelby for being such a stupid, selfish _bitch_." She reached up and rubbed tiredly at her face. "Do you believe Quinn will be up to meeting Beth? In a positive fashion? She really does not need to be rejected by her birth mother at sixteen like I was. Better that she not meet her at all than to have that happen."

"I'm gonna email Quinn tomorrow." Santana said, "I'm gonna talk to her and figure out if that's something she she can handle. If she can't, I warned Beth that it might not happen. I don't want her to get hurt like you were." She kissed Rachel's shoulder and sighed, "I want to let her stay here if that's okay with you. Until we figure all this out."

"Of course she can stay." She didn't even hesitate, "Though we may have to take steps to protect ourselves from legal repercussions from Shelby while she does so. Speaking of legal repercussions," her brows furrowed as her expression darkened, "_Shelby_ had best be watching for some of her own. I have every intention of speaking to a lawyer regarding her engaging in both slander and libel about us."

"I'm really tired of being in the tabloids, Rachel. Our kids can read now, it's not as easy to hide it. Our daughter's face was plastered all over the papers, our three week old..." She looked at Rachel, "I can't live like we did last time. I can't handle it."

"I know," she nodded with a sigh, letting her head rest against Santana's shoulder and tangling the fingers of one of her hands with one of Santana's, "I don't want to go back there either. We're not public figures. There's no reason we should be being plastered all over those nasty papers. I'm certain we can get a court order or _something_ to make them stop."

"I'll call my lawyer in the morning." Santana said softly as she hugged her girlfriend. "Your daughter missed you today."

Rachel turned, the water lapping almost over the edge of the tub as she did, so she could straddle Santana's lap and kiss her lover, wanting the distraction, "Mmhmm? Which one?" She teased, leaning her forehead against Santana's as her arms wrapped loosely around her neck. "It's such a fascinating thing to be able to ask that question about my _girls_."

The darker woman rolled her eyes and leaned up to kiss the woman softly, her hands resting on Rachel's thighs then sliding around to her ass. "The little one that lives half the day on my boob," she replied with a smirk.

"Oh? Just her?" Rachel rubbed her nose against Santana's with a smirk, "Her mommy didn't miss me any?"

"Maybe," She whispered, her lips descending onto Rachel's neck to suck gently as she stroked the soft skin of Rachel's thighs.

"Aw, only maybe?" Rachel pouted, caressing Santana's sides with a soft shiver as the other woman sucked on her neck.

"Mmhm," Santana mumbled against the woman's skin, she brought one of her hands up so she could cup Rachel's breast and roll her hardening nipple between her fingers as she continued nipping and sucking on the woman's neck.

She took in a shuddery breath, leaning back slightly to make it easier for Santana to touch her. "Mmm," she breathed, trying to keep her voice as even as possible, "you always know how to relax me when I'm tense..."

"Oh do I?" Santana smiled as she moved her left hand and down to slide through Rachel's folds and gently and slowly stroke the woman's clit. "Is that making anything better?" Santana asked, one of her other fingers moving down to press against the woman's entrance. She pressed against it slightly as she continued to run her thumb over Rachel's nerve.

Rachel trembled in her arms. "Yes," she gasped, her voice trembling and soft. Her arms tightened around Santana's neck and her lips parted to let her pant for breath as she tried to focus on keeping control. "Please don't tease," she whispered, listening to the water lap against the sides of the tub as she rolled her hips trying to bring Santana's questing finger into her body.

"Maybe I want to hear you beg." Santana whispered into her ear as she continued to slip the tip of her finger inside Rachel.

She barely managed to open her eyes as she rolled her hips with a soft whimper. "Please, Santana. Please. Just touch me. I need you inside. Please..."

"Mmm," Santana whimpered and pulled back and pushed two fingers into Rachel. She pulled back again and curled them on the second thrust. She leaned in and captured Rachel's nipple between her lips as she quickly fucked her girlfriend.

Rachel whined softly, burying her face against Santana's shoulder, her teeth sinking into the crook of her neck to try and muffle her cries as her body spasmed under her lover's ministrations. She bucked her hips, water sloshing over the sides of the tub as her nails dug into Santana's back, dragging over the skin. Her muscles tensed and clenched around her fingers, her core slick with arousal even with the water of the tub sluicing it away.

"Fuck," Santana gasped at the feeling of sharp teeth against her neck. "You feel so good." She tripled the effort on her wrist, her fingers moving hard and fast within her lover. "God, your pussy is crushing my fingers." She whimpered as she curled her digits and pressed against the harder patch buried deep within Rachel.

Rachel came hard, barely managing to choke back her vocalizations with a fast and almost rough kiss, pulling Santana into her with insistent hands on the back of her neck. Her walls closed on Santana's fingers, clenching them tightly as she shuddered. Her breath came fast, her heart pounding so hard against her chest that it was almost certain Santana could feel throbbing where their chests pressed tightly together.

Slowly coming down from her high she kissed the bite mark she'd left on the other woman's neck with a bashful smile. "Maybe we need a night or just a few hours alone to... reacquaint ourselves with this aspect of our relationship?" Her hands were still trembling with the force of her orgasm as she brought them up to cup Santana's breasts, squeezing gently even as her core continued to spasm around her lover's fingers.

Santana held her closely, "I think that sounds perfect." the darker woman panted out as she let out a soft shudder. She wasn't sure if it was arousal or the fact the water in the had gotten cold. "We should get out of this cold water." Santana kissed Rachel's pout away when she removed her fingers from her lover and she quickly washed herself and Rachel. Rachel climbed out with shaking legs and wrapped herself in a towel and handed Santana her robe.

She was watching Santana as the water slid off of her body - maybe a little out of shape still from the pregnancy, but still amazingly beautiful - barely able to snap out of it enough to help Santana into her robe. As her arms wrapped the terry cloth around her lover, she rose up as best she could on shaky legs to whisper in her ear. "I know it's only been three weeks and we're supposed to wait at least six, but I would dearly like to touch you if I'm permitted..."

"I... don't know." Santana whispered, her body reacting as she wrapped her arms around Rachel. She wasn't comfortable with her body since her pregnancy. She had been too tired to be able to work out as much as she wanted to because of the firs week and a half of Alex waking Arianna all the time, and the second week of trying to adjust into some schedule and working a bit from home. She was nervous, her body was awkward and didn't feel like her own. Santana also didn't know if it was medically safe for her to have sex yet. "Did you and J-jesse... this soon after?"

Rachel kissed her softly. "In certain ways, yes. Not... _entirely_, but there was pleasure involved. A little pain sometimes because things are sore, but if you want it, I know what's allowed." She reached up and brushed back damp hair with a loving smile, not pushing for anything Santana wasn't ready for. "But I only want to if you want it and feel ready. If you have any hesitation, I would be sufficiently happy to be allowed to hold you tonight instead."

Santana swallowed a bit as she thought, "I don't... I don't think I'm ready." She whispered, "I'm sorry." she looked down to the ground trying to hide how she was feeling. She pulled away and picked up the tea mugs, "I'll.. I'll go heat these up and bring it to you in our room." She stated before quickly scurrying away into the kitchen and putting the mugs into the microwave.

Rachel frowned at how quickly Santana ran away, setting herself to cleaning up the mess they made and going to change into her pajamas before heading to the kitchen after her absent lover. She found her standing near the microwave, watching the mugs inside heat. Coming up behind her, she wrapped her arms around her waist and leaned against her back.

"It's okay to not be ready yet, Santana," she whispered softly. "When I had Kayla it was almost two _months_ before I was ready to make love with Jesse again. I understand, sweetheart." She hugged her gently.

"I just wanna look better before we're like that again." Santana admitted, "I don't like how I look right now and I don't feel like I'm myself yet." She leaned back against Rachel's body with a sigh. "I just don't feel very sexy or anything. I spend like 90% of my day in yoga pants and a old shirt covered in breast milk and baby puke." She sighed and turned her head against Rachel's shoulder.

"You mean you look rather like I did during much of the beginning of our entirely unusual courtship? And I was grieving as well so I likely appeared even worse," Rachel teased gently, kissing Santana's cheek as she held her. "Was I entirely unsexy during that time? Because I certainly felt that way."

"No. You were beautiful. You always have been beautiful." Santana sighed and turned around to wrap her arms around Rachel's shoulders. "I fell in love with you when you were looking like that, just so you know."

Rachel smiled softly up at her lover. "I may have fallen in love with you before this, but, Santana, every time I look at you now, I'm reminded that you brought our beautiful little girl into the world. And you're taking such good care of her." She shook her head, "And every time I think of that, I love you more than I did the moment before. You are beautiful to me."

She kissed her softly - no demands in the press of lips, just love. "Even at your most exhausted and frazzled, you're still utterly breathtaking to me. I've never known anyone sexier. Even covered in breast milk and baby puke," she teased.

"Thanks." She said softly, "Can we go lay down?" Santana forgot about the tea and followed Rachel into their room. Arianna was laying in her bassinet next to the bed. She was too exhausted after dinner and working on homework with the three other kids and Beth to move her bed back into the nursery.

"Sorry. She took a nap in her when Beth went to bed on the pullout couch in her room." Santana explained. They had bought a pull out couch for the nursery so they could have another quiet place in the room and so they could have a place for Beth to sleep when she came over and when Alex wanted to be close to his baby sister.

"It's okay," Rachel smiled, climbing into bed and holding the blankets back for Santana, "It's nice to have her close sometimes. I'll even get up for her nightly diaper change so you can rest. Now please change into your preferred sleep garb so I may indulge in my urge to have you in my arms."

Santana rolled her eyes at her verbose girlfriend and quickly changed into sleep pants and a tank top. She moved over to their sleeping daughter and looked at her tiny body that was covered in a dark purple sleep-suit and slipped the Batman blanket over her little legs, tucking it in securely so she couldn't wiggle it over her face. She pressed a soft kiss to her tanned skin and smiled, "See you soon baby girl." She straightened up and slid into bed with Rachel.

"She'll wake up in a few hours for a feeding. I hope she gets bigger soon. She can't eat a lot right now and just eats more often." Santana pouted as she cuddled into her girlfriend's side and slipped under the blankets.

Rachel tucked the blankets around them and wrapped her arms around Santana. "She's a baby and you remember how often Alex fed. But in another week or so, we can start doing bottle training so I can help with that and let you sleep, okay?" She kissed her girlfriend softly, snuggling close.

The new mother all but pouted, "You didn't bottle feed Alex until he was older... She was premature I want to breastfeed so she can get her immune system stronger. You didn't train Alex till like three months." Santana pouted and rested her head on Rachel's chest.

Rachel laughed softly, running her fingers through Santana's hair. "I didn't wean him to bottle _only_ until after three months, but I did do some bottle training early so that David and Maria, my fathers and _you_ could help, if you recall. And I still was feeding him with breast milk. I never used formula."

"I did see your boobs a whole lot before we got together." She smiled, "Can we wait a bit longer to bottle train her?" Santana pouted, she loved the connection she had with her daughter. She loved the quiet moments in the wee hours of the morning between she and the baby while everyone else as sleeping. "She's just so little... She gets so cold easily and I can make sure she's warm when I feed her."

"Yes, of course we can," Rachel couldn't bear to deny Santana that special feeling of closeness with her child - even if she longed to share it in some way - so she smiled and kissed her lover's hair. "We can wait as long as you want."

"I know it's selfish," Santana whispered, looking away from her partner. She knew that Rachel deserved to have that connection with their daughter and she never wanted to deny that, but a part of Santana knew that this was the only time she would _ever_ be able to have this. She wouldn't be able to have another child, it was hard enough getting pregnant with Arianna and she was going to be 33 soon and the risks were starting to greater and the change of success lower with each year.

"It's not selfish," Rachel sighed as Santana looked away and reached up to turn her chin gently back towards her. "Look at me, Santana. It's not selfish to want to give your baby girl the best chance she has. Why would you think it's selfish?"

"Because you're her mom too." Santana whispered, her hormones still slightly out of whack. "I feel bad that you're at work and I'm here all day and she wants you sometimes, I know she does. You can get her to stop crying better than I can. You're the only one she doesn't scream for when you give her a bath. She wants you and I can't be you and the other kids want you too and I _need you_ but you're at work because my stupid ass company loves you and I just really needed you today with Beth." She gasped out as she started to cry, her eyes wet with tears as she tried to calm herself down.

Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana and held her close. "Whenever you need me, call me and I'll come. I don't care where I am or what I'm doing. My family comes first. _You_ come first. I promise you. That's all you have to do."

She rocked her gently. "I told you once that I don't care about the company. I work there because you need me to and it makes you happy. That's still true. There is _nothing_ I do there that can't be postponed or rescheduled if my family needs me. So the next time you need me to be here, you pick up the phone and you call me and I will be home as soon as I possibly can. Okay?"

Santana curled into Rachel's arms, her body still wracked with silent sobs as she clung to her lover. It took a little while but the darker woman finally started to calm down. She remained silent and snuggled up with Rachel until Arianna started to fuss. She slid over and picked her up and pulled her top off and settled the baby to her breast. As Arianna sleepily sucked Santana reached over and intertwined her fingers with Rachel's.

"I love you," she whispered, her voice scratchy from crying so hard. "You have given me everything I have ever wanted and I love you for that." She let Arianna finish before she settled the infant onto Rachel's chest over her heart, smiling as the baby cooed and nuzzled into her other parent's chest. "Arianna says _I love you mama_." Santana whispered as she laid back down and watched them.

"I love her too," Rachel whispered, gently brushing her fingers through the infant's fine hair and watching her with a soft smile. "And I love her mother," she looked over at Santana, squeezing their intertwined fingers, "so very much. More than I ever thought I would again."

Between her long day, the warmth of the baby on her chest, and the proximity of the woman she loved, she couldn't resist the heaviness in her eyes. She slowly drifted off, free arm curled protectively over Arianna as she slept listening the the steady rhythm of her second mother's heart.


	46. Chapter 46: She's my sister right?

**Chapter 46**

Cale didn't like the magazines put pictures of his baby sister out for everyone to see, but he was happy that he was finally getting to show her off to his classmates. His mama had helped him print up a big picture of Arianna and he had it tucked away in his favorite Batman folder. He sat anxiously at his desk waiting for show and tell, unable to keep from grinning happily the entire morning.

When show and tell finally came, he bounced in his seat, excited to be able to show off his baby sister. As soon as Mrs. Kasey called his name, he hopped up and practically scurried to the front of the room. Spinning around to face his classmates, his folder clutched to his chest, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath the way his mama always told him to do before speaking to an audience, letting it out slowly.

"I have a new baby sister!" He announced with a big grin, opening his folder and handing the precious photo to Pete in the first row. "Her name is Arianna and she's _really_ tiny! Like smaller'en Alex was even."

Mrs Kasey smiled at him. "That's lovely, Caleb. I didn't know your mom was pregnant though. Did she remarry?"

He shook his head, "Nuh-uh. Ari is Santa's baby, but she's my little sister cause Santa and Mama say so." He grinned, though not as brightly at the uncertain smile his teacher was wearing. "Mama says she's my little sister just like Alex is my little brother."

"Nuh-uh!" Conor called from the back row with a sneer, "She ain't your sister! She's _brown_! My daddy says brown people and white people ain't ever brothers or sisters!"

"Conor Hall!" Mrs Kasey scolded, frowning at him, "That sort of language is not tolerated."

"But my daddy says brown people ain't even real people," The white boy argued, sitting back and crossing his arms with a frown, "So ain't no way Caleb's sister is brown."

Mrs Kasey stood up angrily, heading off the upset Cale who was opening his mouth to defend his Santa and baby sister, "Conor, you can go to the principal's office now and we'll be having a talk with your father about what is and is not appropriate to teach members of my class later tonight." She glared at the recalcitrant boy, pointing past Cale to the door. As Conor stomped angrily out the door and down the hall, she looked around. "Contrary to what Conor's father may say, people are people no matter what color they may be and we do not treat people differently because of what they look like. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Mrs Kasey," the class chorused back.

"Good," she smiled down at Cale, "Go ahead and tell us about your sister. You said she's... Santa's baby?"

"Uh-huh," he nodded, a bit subdued after his classmate's unpleasant outburst, "She came early cause she really wanted to see us and she's _so_ little, Mrs Kasey." He held his hands about a foot apart, looking up at his teacher, "We gots to hold her real careful."

"I'm sure you do, Caleb. Babies are very fragile and you have to be careful with them." She brushed a hand over his hair and returned to her seat. "Does anyone have any questions for Caleb about his new baby sister?"

Brianna in the back corner waved her hand excitedly above her head, leaning up out of her seat to make sure she was noticed. "How comes she's your sister if her mom and your mom aren't married, Cale?"

Cale frowned, "Cause Mama says she is."

"But how comes really?" Brianna looked confused, "My mommy and daddy said I can only have more brothers and sisters if mommy and daddy have another baby. But your daddy died and your mom didn't have another baby. So how comes?"

"I know he did." Cale pouted, "But Ari's still my baby sister."

"Not if her mom ain't married to your mom!" John yelled from across the room, starting everyone up arguing about it.

"Children! Children, be quiet!" Mrs Kasey stood up and tried to regain control over the room, stepping in front of Cale who was just staring in shocked confusion as tears trickled down his cheeks.

* * *

><p>Later that day, Cale slipped into the living room where Rachel was sitting on the couch reading. When he clambered up into her lap, sniffling, she set her book aside and wrapped her arms around her oldest son. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"<p>

"Is Ari really my sister?" He sniffed, looking up uncertainly.

Rachel blinked, frowning in confusion. "Of course she is, Cale. Why would you think otherwise?"

"The kids at school say she's not cause you and Santa aren't married, Mama." He rubbed at his eyes, resting his head over her heart.

"Well the kids at school are wrong." She kissed the top of his head and hugged him, "Arianna is definitely your baby sister."

"But you and Santa aren't married..."

She sighed softly, "No, we're not."

"Why not, Mama?" He moved to look up at her with a pout, "If you were married nobody'd say Ari wasn't my sister."

"Cale," there was a softly chiding note to her voice as she licked her lips, "Santana was married before and she was terribly sad while she was married. I don't want to ever make her sad."

Santana was in the middle of trying to wake up Alex and Arianna from their combined nap time - okay and a bit of mommy nap time as well- when she heard Cale's question. She quickly wondered why all of the sudden everyone was asking them about getting married. She leaned against the door frame and listed to her girlfriend and son talk.

"I don't want Santa sad either, Mama. But I want Ari for really sure as my baby sister." He pouted, a finger slipping into the corner of his lips.

"She is your baby sister, Cale. For really sure." She brushed her fingers through his hair, unaware that Santana had come into the room. "I love Santana very much, little man. Very very much. And if she ever wanted to marry me, I would agree in a heartbeat." She nuzzled his hair, "But I won't push her and I'll always respect her. In every way that counts, we're a family, Cale. We don't need a piece of paper or rings to make us more of a family."

Santana leaned her head against the door. "Fuck," she whispered as she continued to listen to Rachel's reasons why they weren't married. She looked at the baby and her three year old on the bed, Alex with a careful arm around her and his nose nuzzling into her cheek.

"I don't want Santa to ever go away, Mama," Cale whispered, half awake, "I want her to stay forever. Her and Ari. Stay with us."

Rachel closed her eyes, resting her cheek against her little boy's head with a soft smile. "I want her to stay forever too, Cale, and I'm going to do my best to ensure we're always a family and always together. That's what family is, Cale. Not a ring, not a piece of paper, but people who love each other very much and promise to always stay together."

"I wish you'd marry Santa anyway," his voice was soft, drifting, "so you can be happy like you are with Daddy in the movies."

"I am happy, Cale." She kissed his head, "Happier than I've been in a long time. As long as she's with us, I'm happy. I promise."

After a few minutes Santana snuck out of the room and walked over to the couch, she leaned over and kissed the woman thoroughly. "I love you."

She carefully picked Cale up and nodded her head toward the bedroom, heading in and laying the older boy on the other side of Arianna who was propped up in a nursing pillow. She smiled when she felt Rachel come into the room and wrap her arms around her. She didn't say anything, but she just held her.

Rachel gently kissed the back of Santana's neck under her ponytail and rested her chin on her shoulder to watch their three youngest sleeping together. "I think we should just let them be for now, don't you? They can nap a little longer."

She nodded and pulled Rachel over to the loveseat against the wall in their room. "They're amazing. Alex helped me changed her diaper and he sang her to sleep before falling asleep with her," she whispered as she rested her head on her lover's shoulder.

Rachel chuckled softly, "He's a sweet big brother once he grasped that he couldn't wake her up. Did I tell you that he assayed an attempt at keeping me from changing her diaper the other day because she was sleeping and he didn't want me to wake her?"

She smiled and laughed softly, "So cute." She whispered and reached over her held Rachel's hand, she let her fingers run over Rachel's left hand where her husband's wedding band still sat. She stroked it softly as she watched the three youngest kids nap as they waited for Kayla and Beth's arrival home from school.

Looking down at their hands - and Santana's fingers idly playing with the gold band that signified her marriage with Jesse - Rachel wondered yet again if perhaps it was time to take the rings off. She'd considered putting them on a necklace instead of wearing them - Jesse had been buried with his at her insistence - but she just couldn't decide and she wasn't certain how Santana would respond if she asked her. She was thinking about it when the soft chime of the doorbell rang through the house.

She glanced up puzzledly, "I'm not expecting anyone. Are you, Santana?"

The other woman shook her head no, "I can go check, maybe it's Beth or Puck..." She got up and walked out of the master bedroom and down the hall towards the door. She moved to it, she opened it slightly nearly gasping when she saw who was on the other side. "S-Shelby?"

The woman was irate, shoving the door open. "Out of my way, homewrecker. I know she's here. Beth! Beth, where are you?"

"_Shelby_?" Rachel was frowning thunderously as she stepped out of the bedroom. "I told you you're not permitted here. Leave now."

"Like hell I'm leaving without my daughter! Beth!" Shelby shoved open the nursery door with a bang, spotting her daughter's laptop, "Ah-hah! I _knew_ it! Where is she? BETH!"

In the bedroom, Arianna woke up and started crying, scaring the boys awake. Alex pulled her into his arms and tried shushing her like he'd seen his moms doing, but it wasn't working, upsetting him. "Why yelling, Caley?" He asked his big brother with teary eyes. Cale just shook his head looking scared and holding his younger siblings.

"That's it." Rachel glared at her birth mother as she heard her children's distress, "I am _done_ playing. Santana, call the police and inform them we have an violent intruder and need immediate assistance."

"You can't threaten me, Rachel!" Shelby glared, reaching out to push the smaller woman out of her way as she headed towards the stairs. "I want my daughter. Beth!"

Santana roughly grabbed Shelby's arm and pushed her back down into the entrance way of the hall. "Stay the hell back, Shelby. She's not here." Santana explained, "And she's not going home with you until _she_ wants to. How the hell could you do this to your daughters? Using one to hurt the other like that? Your issue is with me, and no one else."

"Get your hand _off_ me," she sneered at Santana, shaking her arm to get her to release it and trying not to show that the grip hurt. "You have no right to keep her from me. I am her _mother_ and she is going home with _me_."

She didn't see Rachel slip back into the bedroom to kiss the children. "Don't worry, sweethearts. We'll take care of this." Picking up the phone on the nightstand, she quickly dialled 911. "Hello? I'd like to report a violent intruder in my home. Please send the police as soon as possible. We have children here including a tiny infant and I am very afraid for their safety if this woman remains here."

"Shelby, you aren't a mother! You're not _anyone's_ mother. No mother would do what you've done to their children. Rachel hates you, Beth hates you, so why don't you go crawl back in the hole you crawled out of." Santana spat. "And _my_ daughter, by the way, is beautiful, amazing and 100% Rachel's so your little lies to the tabloids are fucking dumb."

"What are you even talking about? Lies? _Tabloids_?" She shook her head with a scowl, "I don't have anything to do with those filthy rags. But go ahead, do your best to corrupt my daughters away from me with your trash even more, Santana."

"Bitch, Beth is the only one outside of this house with that photo. You've been feeding them photos and lies about Rachel and Noah Puckerman as well as the photos. So don't even trip." She crossed her arms, "Own your crazy, Shelby."

Shelby just laughed mockingly. "You have _no_ proof of _any_ of that. You're just spouting off your twisted view of reality to get what you want. The same as you always have. Now," she stepped close, reaching out to grip one of Santana's arms tightly, hissing, "I _want_ my _daughter_ and I am not leaving here until I _have_ her!"

Santana winced as Shelby's nails drive into her skin. "It's early in the day, you crazy idiot. She's at school and there's no way she's going with you," she spat. "Get your hands off of me."

"Don't you tell me that crap!" Shelby raised her free hand and lashed out, slapping Santana across the face, "You took my daughter from me! You don't get to take Beth too!"

At that moment there was a sharp knocking on the front door. "This is the NYPD. We got a call about a disturbance?" Came through the door, muffled by the thick wood.

Rachel slipped around the women in the hall with a horrified expression on her face as she opened the door. "Yes, officers, I called you. Please, _please_ take her away from here." She pointed back at Santana and Shelby.

Santana raised her hand to her nose and tried to sop up the blood that was dripping down her face. "She assaulted me," she told the cops. She felt the sting of the hand print on her face as she looked down to see Cale holding Arianna and Alex cowering behind him. "Boys, go back to the room."

"Go on, sweethearts. It'll be okay, I promise." Rachel reassured them urging them back into the room, "Go cuddle Ari and keep her safe, okay, Alex?"

He nodded. "Okay, Mama. Mommy okay?"

"She'll be fine." Rachel smiled reassuringly and kissed his head, closing the door behind them after seeing them settle onto the loveseat with their sister and turning to the officers. "Officer," she glanced at the older man's name tag as his partner struggled to restrain Shelby, "Reyes, I wish to inform you that I have every intention of pressing charges against this woman as soon as possible."

As he nodded, Shelby froze in the female officer's arms. "Rachel, you can't be serious!"

She turned to glare at her birth mother. "Oh, I am _deadly_ serious. You burst into my home where you are entirely unwelcome, _scared_ my _children_ and assaulted the woman I love!"

"She is trying to kidnap my daughter!" Shelby screamed, fighting with the officer again though with far less effectiveness once restraints had been fastened around her wrists, "She's _kidnapping her_!"

"Shut _up_, Shelby! You're embarrassing yourself and everyone else!" Rachel stomped her foot, crossing her arms over her chest. "No one is kidnapping anyone. Beth came here after she discovered you were behind the vile libel being spread about my family and I in the tabloids. She is my sister and is more than welcome in my home for as long as she cares to live here!"

Santana looked down and sighed, she didn't want this to be happening. She sniffled back the blood and watched the interacting with the officers.

"Please," Rachel looked at the officers pleadingly, "just take her away. She isn't welcome here and her daughter is 16 and more than welcome in our home, unlike her." She nodded her head at Shelby. "I am in the process of filing suite against her for defamation of character and libel due to things discovered by Beth, her adopted daughter, which is why she is staying with us for now."

"We understand, ma'am. We'll get her out of your hair now, ladies." The female officer smiled sympathetically, jerking Shelby towards the doors. "Come on, you. You're being placed under arrest at this time. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot provide one, one will be provided for you." The officer's voice trailed off as she left the house, her partner tipping his hat to the women and closing his notebook as he followed her.

As soon as they'd left, Rachel seemed to slump into herself, pushing the door closed and coming over to check on Santana. "I'm so sorry that happened. It's all my fault you have to deal with her at all," she sighed regretfully, reaching up to gently feel her lover's damaged nose. "Does it hurt terribly?"

"I'm more worried about the kids..." She whispered as she pulled Rachel into the bedroom and kneeled down in front of Cale who was trying to handle a sobbing Alex and Arianna who was screaming. "Thank you baby." She kissed his head and took the infant in her arms and cuddled her until she stopped crying. The second she did she pulled Cale into her arms.

Cale collapsed into her arms with a worried sob as his mother scooped up his brother and started talking to him softly to calm him down. "I was so scared, Santa!"

"I know baby." She whispered into his neck, "Everything's okay now. Mommy and I are okay, I promise. Everything is okay." She cooed, her body rocking them back and forth slightly whispering this over and over again.

"I don't like it when you fight," he sobbed into her neck, holding her tight, "please don't anymore. Don't get hurt like before. I don't like it, Santa..."

"I will try to never do it again. But, if someone ever tries to hurt you, your mom, your brother or sisters?" She said in a serious tone, "I'll move heaven and earth to make sure they never hurt anyone ever again." She kissed his temple and sighed as she held him and Arianna close to her heart.

"Me too," he whispered, calming down and leaning back to look at her. "Won't let no one hurt you or Mama or Alex or nobody. Alex'll help when he's bigger. We won't let no one hurt you or Mama or Ari or Kay."

"You wont have to, baby, I promise nothing will happen to us. I promise, okay? Mommys are here to protect you." She sighed and cuddled them.

"Yeah, but boys are 'post to protect girls." He looked determined, "So when Alex and I get big, we get to protect mommies."

"Girls can protect boys. Boys can protect boys... It's love and we all love you and we will all keep each other safe." She smiled and kissed his head, "But thanks, baby, for looking out for us."

He nodded, "I'm oldest but Kay, Santa. I protect everyone. My job. Don't want no one hurt Alex or Ari or Kay." He scowled fiercely - reminding Santana of his Simba impersonation, "If they do, I _get_ 'em and make 'em 'pologize."

"Sounds like a plan, beautiful boy," she smiled and kissed his cheeks, "as long as they apologize." she looked over at Rachel who had managed to calm down Alex. "Everyone's okay." She stated, "Who wants to help mommy and I make a snack for when Beth and Kayla get home?"

"I do!" Cale crowed, squirming down to the ground, excited to get to help cook.

"Cans I help too, Mommy?" Alex asked softly, peering over at Santana, his head resting on Rachel's shoulder as she stroked his back, calming him. "Can Ari? She don't want be alone..."

Santana leaned over and kissed her son pouty mouth. "Yes she can come too, but Mama will have to hold her if that's okay with her." She smiled as she looked up to her girlfriend. "Wanna hold your daughter while the boys and I cook?"

"I think I can handle that," Rachel tried to hide the little smile that said she'd probably be supervising more than just watching, though Santana's cooking had improved quite a bit over the last few years.

The darker women got up and handed the baby over so Rachel could cradle her daughter. She followed the boys into the kitchen where Cale was looking through the fridge for something they could make for the girls. "Find anything good?" She asked as she came in and pulled out six cups and went into the freezer and grabbed the strawberry ice cream and put it on the counter near the blender. "I'm gonna make everyone a little milkshake." She smiled indulgently.

"Celery," he held up the leafy green bunch in one hand and awkwardly held up the jar of peanut butter, "and nut butter sticks?"

"Mmm sounds tasty." She hoisted Alex up and sat him on the counter and got him to scoop ice cream into the blender as she set Cale and his step stool near the counter so he could work. She got him a little spatula and a platter down after she cut the washed celery into smaller sticks. "Want fresh cut strawberry's in the shake?"

"Yes, please," Alex chirped, licking the ice cream scoop after finishing scooping ice cream into the blender. Cale just nodded, his tongue poking out the corner of his lips as he carefully filled each stick of celery with peanut butter.

Santana nodded and popped a few strawberries from the fridge into the mixer before adding a bit of soy milk in and a hand full of ice and blending it. She smiled looking over at her girlfriend singing softly to their daughter. She watched for a few minutes before she was noticed causing her to turn away with a blush.

After a few more pulses of the blender, Santana poured it into the boys cups and turned to see the boys finished and licking nut butter from their fingers. "You two ready? Wanna go sit at the table get ready for the ladies to come home?" She smiled and helped Cale down and carrying the plate to the table. Santana handed Alex a few plastic plates and lifted him off the counter. Arianna started fussing and Santana came over to her girlfriend.

"How about I feed her?"

"That depends," Rachel smiled up at her, leaning up for a kiss, "does it mean that I can feed _you_?"

Santana was ready with a quick remark when she heard the door slam open and Kayla's voice call out into the townhouse.

"Mom! Santi!" She yelled as they heard two sets of shoes being kicked off and the door slam behind them. Kayla bounced in with her backpack and pigtails followed by Beth.

"Hey." Beth said as she came in the room.

"Mom! Guess what! Guess what! We get to go to the zoo next month!" She smiled as she came over and kissed her baby sister head. "Hi Ari." She whispered before going back to her bright excitement.

Santana just chuckled as she poured the shakes and put them on the table with the boys and the places for the two girls and one for herself and Rachel.

"That's cool, Kay." Santana stated as she nudged the moody blonde towards the table. "Did you have a good day, Beth?"

"Yeah, it was okay," she smiled, though she seemed a bit subdued from her usual brightness. "Hey, Ari," she whispered, brushing fingers over soft dark hair before dropping her bag by the wall and taking a seat at the table. "AP Spanish is killer."

"You should ask Santana for help," Rachel pointed out, taking a sip of her shake and glancing at her lover over the rim, "she's fluent after all."

"Oh really?" Beth looked at Santana with an expression that could only be defined as relief, "Can you really help me, San?"

"Si," she nodded as she smiled as she took Arianna and settled her in to nurse, her dark hair covered head hooded by a kitchen towel so she wouldn't expose herself. "Yeah we can work on it this afternoon if you want. I also took AP English and History if you need help too, Rachel had the math thing covered." she smiled as she looked at her partner, before taking a sip of her shake.

Beth breathed a sigh of relief, "You're the best, San. I may survive this year yet!" She collapsed back against the chair dramatically, sipping at her shake. "Oh wow, this is good. And peanut butter and celery sticks! Who knew my favorite snack?"

She glanced around the table, not missing Cale's bashful glance down at his plate or the shy blush on his cheeks. He'd thought she'd be upset that her mom was mad and yelling at his mom, so he picked the snack she once told him she liked the most. If they also happened to be his snack of choice, so much the better in his opinion.

"Look at you two sharing a fave snack," Santana smiled and drank her shake as she watched Kayla tell Alex about school and the trip to the zoo she gets to take. "And it's my pleasure, Beth. Kayla speaks Spanish pretty good too and so do the boys if you wanna practice when i'm not around."

"Sounds good." Beth smiled as she sucked up some shake through her straw. The combined family let the rest of the afternoon fall away, the stress of Shelby getting arrested, the tabloid reporters that still managed to creep outside the townhouse snapping photo's through the drapes. Rachel and Santana decided to wait to tell Beth that Shelby had showed up looking for her, and that she had gotten violent and attacked Santana. They let the teenager have one last night of calm before they threw everyone's life into chaos again.


	47. Chapter 47: It's been awhile

**Chapter 47**

"Beth, can I talk to you for a moment?" Rachel asked as she glanced up to see her sister walking past the office in their home.

The teen paused and turned back to poke her head in the room. "Sure, Rachel. What do you need?"

"Beth, it's about Shelby," Rachel paused, considering her words for a moment before carefully setting the pen she had been using down on the desk. "There really isn't an easy way for me to tell you this, so I'm going to be very direct, okay?"

Beth sat down slowly in the chair across the desk, looking entirely worried, "She's okay, right?"

"Yes, she's okay," Rachel paused with a slight wince, "Well, relatively speaking. She's healthy at least."

"Then what is it? What's wrong?"

"You're," She took a breath, licking her lips, "you're going to have to stay with us for a couple more days. I'm afraid she was arrested yesterday after forcing her way in here screaming for you. She scared the boys and Ari and actually struck Santana and I'm very sorry, Beth, but I simply cannot tolerate that sort of behavior. Please understand that I wasn't trying to hurt you..."

Beth sat in silence for a long moment, taking in the fact that her mother was in jail because of her sister. Finally she let out a shaky sigh. "It... it's not your fault, Rachel. She did this to herself. Thank," she closed her eyes and stood, standing still for a second before looking at Rachel with a tiny smile, "thank you for telling me and letting me stay."

"You're my sister, Beth. No matter what, you're always welcome here."

The teen nodded, turning towards the door. "Still, thank you, Rachel."

* * *

><p>Beth knocked on the door to the older women's bedroom. "Santana?" she whispered, easing it open, not wanting to wake her sister's girlfriend if she was sleeping.<p>

Santana was laying on the bed curled around the pillow, her cheeks slightly stained with tears. The new mom was still struggling with her hormones and keeping up with the rigor of work and homelife after Arianna's birth, but when she heard Beth's voice she quickly wiped her eyes and tried to snap back into herself. "Hey Beth," She said softly, not to wake Arianna. "What's up?"

"I," she bit her lip, not wanting to be a bother, "Rachel just told me about my mo...about Shelby a-and I was wondering if maybe," she shrugged, looking uncertain, "if maybe you could contact Quinn? I mean, I just... I want to meet her. Just once at least." She slumped slightly, "I want to know who I came from... I want to know that I came from someone better than my mom." Her words trailed off into a soft whisper and sniffle.

Santana sat up and nodded, "I'll email her now." She said, her voice raspy with exhaustion. "We love you, Beth, don't ever forget you belong with us no matter what happens because we're family. Okay?"

Beth nodded, smiling weakly at Santana. "You... you don't have to do it now. I've waited sixteen years already, I can wait a little longer," she whispered. "Can I just," one shoulder cocked up in a half-hearted shrug, "can I just stay with you for a little bit? Rachel's busy working and," she sighed, looking like everything was beating down on her sixteen year old shoulders, "I could really use a hug..."

Santana nodded and slid back down onto the bed and lifted up the quilt that covered her body. "Come here." she stated, smiling when the teenager slid into the bed next to her. Santana hugged her tightly, "We'll figure everything out, Beth. I promise." She whispered and placed the blanket back around them.

Everything was going wrong, life should be getting better not worse for the family. But things kept getting thrown at them in a way that was making the very act of getting out of bed harder and harder every day.

* * *

><p>It was three am and Santana woke up with Arianna, but then couldn't fall asleep after her daughter nodded off. After making the lap around the house to check on everyone, Santana slumped onto the couch with her iPad and brought up her personal e-mail account. She browsed for a moment and finally found the e-mail address she was looking for. <em>Quinn Fabray<em>. Santana started typing out a short message to her former friend.

_Dear Q._

_Hey... I know it's been like a fuck long time but I wanted to see how you were. I've actually been thinking a lot about you recently and thought I'd just email you to see what's been going on. I hadn't heard much more then that you moved to Boston after college to go to grad school or something. I'd understand if you just wanna tell me to fuck off and leave you alone, but hopefully you'll e-mail back..._

_San _

* * *

><p>A few hours later, Quinn nearly spat her morning coffee on her monitor when she clicked on the blinking "new mail" icon and saw a message from one of her oldest friends. Opening, she quickly skimmed through it before hitting the reply button. Leaving the window open, she got up to get dressed for the day and give herself time to think of a suitable reply.<p>

Finally, dressed in a neat grey business suit, she sat back down and placed her fingers on the keys, still thinking. Eventually she shook her head with a fond smile at her reminiscing and started rattling at the old fashioned keyboard.

_Dear San,_

_While I'm mildly amazed that you still remember me after all these years, I'm not exactly what you would call the sort to tell one of my oldest friends to fuck off. Or at least I'm not any more. You're right. I did move to Boston for my graduate degree. I received my Masters and decided that I liked it here amongst the native Bostonians._

_What about you? How are you doing? I saw news coverage of the scandal involving you and your ex-husband. Sorry to hear about that. I hope things are better now._

_Q_

Sitting back from her computer, she logged off and collected her briefcase to head downtown to her job in the administrative offices of The Home For Little Wanderers.

* * *

><p>The house was quiet - which was a rarity as of late - when Santana sat at her laptop trying to go over budgets for the next new months when her inbox chimed. She smiled when she saw Quinn wrote her back.<p>

_Hey,_

_Yeah. It's okay now. Just other shit's going down. If you saw those from a few years back you might have seen the newer ones. I just had a baby; I know... I know no one ever thought I'd be maternal enough for that... but she's beautiful. Arianna (see attached picture of her with Rachel's kids)_

_I'm here in NYC now, well have been for awhile. Was in England for undergrad then a few years of marriage before NYC. What are you up to in Boston? Husband (wife? I don't judge :P), kids? A dog?_

_Talk to you soon,  
>S<em>

* * *

><p>That afternoon once things finally wound down a bit, Quinn had another chance to check her personal e-mail and was pleased to see a response from Santana. Cuing it up she read it with a soft laugh before typing up a response.<p>

_Hey back,_

_I'm glad to hear that mess cleared up for you. I thought about contacting you during it, but most of the numbers I had for you were no longer valid and well, frankly I wasn't certain you'd wish to hear from me. But your baby girl is truly beautiful, San. I'm sure you're proud. And Rachel's kids? Are you friends now after all this time? Now that I never would have expected!_

_I'm a social worker now, with The Home for Little Wanderers. Though I did have a fairly disastrous attempt at something with Finn after graduation, I haven't yet succeeded in finding someone who can handle the occasionally odd hours of my profession. No children, no pets, unless you count Mr Wriggles. He was a gift from one of the kids I work with when she was adopted, but he died last week, so I don't count him. How about you? Married? Dating? Has anyone managed to tame the savage Lopez spirit? ;)_

_Q_

* * *

><p>It was late at night before Santana could check her email again. After dinner was made and bathtimes, storytimes and bedtimes finished, she curled up with Arianna in bed as Rachel slept. She was nursing her daughter as she wrote back to her old friend.<p>

_Social worker, huh? That's pretty awesome, I'm sorry to hear about your pet... but you were never really good with animals. I'm sure you'll find someone or someone already found you and is waiting for you to pop that blonde head up and look around, you were never really good at realizing what was happening around you._

_After being married for 8 years and divorced for close to 5 now, the topic of marriage has come up. I ran into Rachel a few years back before her husband died. She married Jesse St. James from high school if you didn't know and had those beautiful kids with him. Kayla is close to 10, Cale is 6, Alex is almost 4. They actually live with me and have for about three years. Jesse died before Alex was born and they have kinda become my family... and I've been with Rachel for almost three years._

_I don't know if the Lopez spirit is tamed, but more so tired as fuck with four kids. _

* * *

><p>If just getting an email from Santana had almost drenched her monitor, the contents of the last one covered it. As she scrambled for a towel to clean up the mess, she tried to get her mind around the series of facts the other woman had just casually tossed her lap. Cleaning things up, she quickly shot off another email.<p>

_You're with **Rachel**? Seriously? Like... for real? Rachel Berry? I mean, I'd heard about Jesse, but... you're together? Oh my gosh, I can't hardly believe it._

She hit send, feeling an odd hollowness in her chest. She didn't know if it was sadness, loneliness, or perhaps even jealousy. Santana found someone. Found _Rachel_.

All she had was a dead goldfish's empty bowl.

* * *

><p>Sleep was something Santana didn't do anymore. She just laid there and rolled around until Rachel mumbled at her to stop. She got up and checked her email quickly, smiling when she saw the blonde emailed her back.<p>

_Yeah. I'm surprised too... it just kinda happened now we're here with the three older kids and Arianna... and now Beth is living with us because Shelby got arrested... it's kinda a cluster of crap. I'm surprised you missed out on all the fun tabloids that have been going around about me, my daughter, your biological daughter, Shelby and Rachel... it's been a treat.._

_Anyway. yeah. I kinda miss you. I'd like to see you sometime. Crap the baby's awake... write back soon._

_S_

* * *

><p>It felt strange, being in contact with Santana again after all these years. Especially since she was apparently in a fairly committed relationship - with <em>kids<em>, that still kind of blew Quinn's mind - with _Rachel Berry_ of all people. She found herself hurrying to check her inbox each morning and sneaking on to check it during the day and it just made her feel pathetic. She was a grown woman. She should have friends, a boyfriend, girlfriend, _something_.

But she didn't, so she clung to the emails from Santana and occasionally during slow moments at work let herself imagine how things could have been if she'd just been a little braver in high school. So when she woke up to a fresh email, she found herself smiling. Right up until she saw the mention of Beth.

_Beth? Shelby's **arrested**? Santana, what is going on with my little girl? Is she okay? She's not hurt is she?_

As she calmed down, she typed another line at the bottom of the email before hitting send.

_What's she like?_

* * *

><p><em>Yeah. She wants to meet you. Maybe just something about knowing who she comes from. She doesn't want to meet Puck, he's been around for the last year or so trying to make Rachel convince me to sign him to my label... but Beth doesn't want anything to do with him. Beth just wants to know. She doesn't want you to be her mom, but I think she wants to know you.<em>

_Think about it okay? If you can't, she'll understand. _

* * *

><p><em>I want to know her too. I wish I could have kept her. It's not very likely I'll have a child of my own at this point, so I just want to know that I did something right. That I gave her the best chance for happiness. I tried to find her, you know. I never thought to ask Rachel or Puck.<em>

_I'm just not sure if I can meet her and not want to be in her life. Not want her in my life. I never thought I'd have the chance to know what happened to her, if she is happy or okay. I'll think about it, San. I will._

Quinn allowed herself a moment of weakness before signing off.

_And, San, do you think maybe we could keep talking like this? Or maybe meet up if you're in Boston or I get to NYC? I've missed you._

_Q_

* * *

><p><em>She's a good kid. Quinn she's really good. She's very loving, very secure and compassionate... I just think she wants to know what you're like. She's 16 you know... she was surpised when I was telling her about you, that you had her when you were her age. I think she understands why you didn't keep her.<em>

_I want you to stay in my life. I don't have anyone other than Rachel. I haven't had a friend since I left for college... I want you to meet my baby and I want to see you. _

* * *

><p><em>You don't have to play her up, San. She spent nine months inside of me, so she's got to have picked up some of my amazingness right? ;) And she's had Rachel in her life without any stupid high school crap to fuck it up. Maybe we picked on her in high school, but we both know it's because she already had that innate self confidence we wanted. But you probably know that since you let her win you.<em>

_I don't want to lose you again. Outside of work, right now you and these emails are all I have approaching a social life. And I want to meet the offspring of the infamous Santana Lopez! Rachel doesn't have her in plaid and argyle does she? ;)_

* * *

><p><em>Brown skin and plaid and argyle DO NOT MIX! Poor baby... Baby only wears solid colors and when Cale dresses her sometimes batman onsies. Yeah, Rachel's self confidence was pretty annoying. She got less annoying. I think the babies and Jesse's death took it down a few notches. And you're right, Beth had no chance to not be amazing...<em>

* * *

><p><em>Haha! I'm glad the old Santana is still in that little paragon of domesticity. I'd hate it if you lost your old spark. Don't let the hobbit and the mini-hobbits keep you down! :)<em>

_Rachel's son likes Batman too? Wow, did you find a custom-made family or what? ;) But I want to see you some time, San. Let me know if you're ever on your way to Boston and I'll meet you at the station. I'll even buy the first couple rounds. ;)_

_Give me a couple of days to get things straight in my head about Beth though. Right now, I really want to meet her, but I'm not sure my knee-jerk reaction is the right one._

* * *

><p><em>Mmm. We might needs to hold off on the drinking for the first few visits, I'm breastfeeding and I don't really wanna give my kid brain-damage. Yeah, Batman with one and Alex likes to wake up his little sister to kiss her and tell her he loves her. Then Kayla almost got recruited by Sue for gymnastics... my life is crazy... But totally take your time and think about it and I'll see if I can slip away to come visit boston? <em>

* * *

><p><em>Oh, right. I never had the chance to breastfeed, so I forgot. Raincheck then, but I definitely want to go drinking with my oldest friend someday. And it'll even be legal this time! ;)<em>

_Please come. It'll be nice to get away from work for a while. It's kind of my life these days._

* * *

><p><em>Can we please, please, please eat some meat when I come see you? I haven't had it in like three years save the burger I snuck when I was four months pregnant, and I'm craving it!<em>

_Yeah we gotta get you out on the town. Get you laid. You sound wound tight from two states away!_

* * *

><p><em>Oh my god, you let her take meat away from you too? You need a burger stat! But as for me getting laid, I'm a lot pickier since Beth. Unless you're offering? :p<em>

* * *

><p>Santana rolled her eyes when she read Quinn's email and quickly replied.<p>

_I believe I offered once and you said you weren't that into that... :P Plus... just had a baby not so sexy right now. I'm sure you can find yourself a nice drunk college grad to bang. _

* * *

><p><em>Ew, never. I was a drunk college grad, I don't want to be on the other end of that too. Oh well. My loss. And I highly doubt having a baby is enough to make Santana Lopez anything less than smoking hot as always. :)<em>

* * *

><p><em>You never know... could have gotten reallllly fat in the last few years. Or like got bad plastic surgery. <em>

* * *

><p><em>Oh, I know. I wasn't Sue Sylvester's head cheerio so young for nothing, San. Trust me, you're still as sexy as always. ;)<em>

* * *

><p><em>Hot damn, Fabray. Did you google me or something? Did you find anything fun? I pay people to do that for me now to make sure nothing too bad comes out, but I'm sure something shook free? Anything scandelous? <em>

* * *

><p><em>I could say swimsuits, but that was pre-baby. Post-baby, I've seen video of you working out. Damn, Lopez, that's enough to get any girl hot under the collar, but then you go and take your shirt off and keep going with just that sports bra? Are you trying to give me a complex? I didn't look near that good after Beth!<em>

* * *

><p><em>I mean you looked pretty hot with pink hair :P Yeah, I'm just like freaked that I'm no longer attractive after having my daughter. Plus, I've more or less been told I can't return to work until she's at least 6 months... I mean damn it's my fucking company :(. I'm just bored out of my mind and in a funk... working out helps me not think about it.<em>

_Plus, you're a fucking creeper. _

* * *

><p><em>Come visit. We could both use the vacation from real life.<em>

* * *

><p><em>Okay. <em>


	48. Chapter 48: Hey Quinn

**(A/N: Hi loyal readers! We love you all and thank you so much. I wanted to let you know that the fic is coming to a close. We have hopes of making a sequel sometime because we love our characters and story. There are three chapters left and we hope you continue to follow our other fic's I know you want me and the new one that will be coming out soon. Please put me on author alert for the most recent fic's!. )**

**Chapter 48**

It had been two weeks since the first email to Quinn Fabray. Santana was in the nursery packing a small suitcase with Arianna's things, preparing to take her baby for her first big trip with mommy when they left to head to Boston to visit her old friend. Alex and Cale were visiting their grandparents and Rachel was going to have a girl's weekend with Beth and Kayla. After seeing the boys off on Friday afternoon, Santana was nervously packing in the room while Rachel gave Arianna a bath.

She was nervous. She hadn't seen Quinn since graduation day, she didn't really know how to act and with her nerves already on edge and her mood still off she was close to calling her trip off. Santana fitfully wiped away tears as she sat down on the couch and tried to calm her anxiety.

Rachel came in with a towel wrapped baby. "Hey, there's your mommy, sweetie. Look, Ari, it's your mommy!" She sat down next to Santana looking almost as tired as Santana was feeling, "Hi, beautiful. What's the matter?"

The darker girl blinked tears off of her long lashes. "I.. I don't wanna go. I don't feel good," she whispered as she looked down at her hands. Santana Lopez was scared to see Quinn, was scared to see someone who wasn't her family. She was scared she wasn't the same person she always pretend to be. "I don't wanna go."

"Why?" Rachel smiled softly, reaching over to gently rub her back. "You've been looking forward to this trip all week. It's not like you to want to back out. And it's just Quinn. Don't you want her to meet your little girl?"

"I haven't had a friend other than you since high school." She sniffled, "What if it's different? What if it doesn't work and I don't wanna stay till Sunday?" She was trembling she was so nervous. It had been two years since she went off her medications for anxiety and depression, pregnancy had kick-started her body's hormones again and she was having a hard time handling them with the sleep deprivation and stress that came with having an infant in the home.

"Then you come home to me," Rachel whispered, leaning over to gently kiss her lover's head. "Call me and I will meet you at the station with the biggest hug and kiss I can manage. I don't care when, I'll be there. But I think maybe she wants her friend back as much as you do." She let her head rest against Santana's shoulder with a soft sigh, "I'm going to miss you and our baby girl so much while you're gone, but you need this."

Santana sniffled and nuzzled Rachel's neck. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I'm being like this," she whispered as she tangled her fingers into Rachel's. "I don't understand why I'm not feeling normal yet." She ran her fingers over Arianna's head and sighed, "I packed her Batman pajamas and her green blanket and the pillow that smells like you." She nodded her head to the suitcase. "I also stole your sweatshirt so I can sleep in it."

"It's okay, Santana. It took me a long time to get over having given birth too. It hits some women harder than others, but it's okay." She smiled as reassuringly as she could and combed her fingers through Santana's hair, "Maybe when you come home we can arrange for you to talk to someone. I know I had to after Kayla. But until then, I'm surprised you didn't steal my body spray again and I hope you took the zipper sweater instead of my pullover. Your endowments are even greater than usual and the pullover may be a little too tight."

"Yeah. I took the zipper after I sprayed it with the spray." She admitted, sighing as she started feeling calmer. "I just don't feel like myself... I'm sorry I've been so _off_... you deserve better than that, you deserve the best and I'm barely hanging on."

"You are the best," Rachel leaned over to kiss her softly, Ari cooing and lightly patting her mom's face as she did. "The best for me and for our children. Right now is rough for all of us, but we'll make it through. You were there for me after Alex was born and Jesse died, and I'll be here for you now and whenever you need me in the future." She smiled teasingly, "A little bad mood isn't going to get rid of me now, Santana."

Santana nodded and took a deep breath before kissing Rachel softly. "I love you." She sighed and got up, continuing to finish putting the baby's stuff into the bag. "Can you change her and make sure she has extra cream in the diaper bag while I got get dressed?"

"I love you too and of course I can," Rachel smiled, standing, "she's my daughter too, right?" She headed over to the changing table to diaper the little girl and slip a special treat of her lover's favorite imported chocolate into the diaper bag where she was sure to find it.

Santana pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans and knee high boots, before pulling on a black fitted button down shirt and running her fingers through her long hair. She put on a light coating of concealer over the dark circles under her eyes and put on some eyeliner before grabbing the bag and wheeling it out to the living room. Picking up the baby sling, she held it as she walked over to Rachel and the girl.

"Hey, babes." Santana said softly, "I'm gonna head out..." She looked down at Beth with a knowing smile. Beth knew who she was going to see and the teenager also knew that if this went well she'd be meeting her birth mother soon. "I'll call in the morning okay?"

"Call when you arrive?" Rachel countered, tugging her down to kiss her softly, "I won't be able to sleep until I know you're safe."

Santana nodded and kissed her lover softly before pulling away. She kissed Kayla's head and then Beth's before coming back to Rachel and kissing her again. She took Arianna after she watched as Rachel kissed her and told her she loved her. "See you Sunday night." Santana settled the infant into the sling and waved as she headed out to the car and got settled for the five minute drive to the Amtrak.

* * *

><p>Santana ended her call with Rachel as she got off the train. One hand was protectively on Arianna's body as she slept in the sling. She squinted through her RayBan's as she looked through the crowd at the station. She didn't see Quinn so she headed over to the wall and leaned against it. Arianna had been restless for most of the three hour ride to Boston. It was a little after seven when she got in and she assumed the other woman was running late. She looked down at her baby and smiled at her slumbering face and allowed it to calm her nerves.<p>

"Santana?" The voice was a little more worn than she remembered, still soft and a little sharp though the edges seemed ground down with time. "San, is that you?" Quinn waved as she made her way across the crowded station with a smile. "I'm so sorry I'm late. An interview for adoption ran longer than expected, but the good news is little Jamie may have found a permanent home!"

Santana's eyes flickered up and she smiled when she saw Quinn. She looked just like she did the last time Santana saw her, maybe a bit tired and worn, but she still looked just the same. "Wow." Santana breathed out, "Um. Hey." She caught herself as she moved closer to her former friend, "It's cool we just got off the train." Santana motioned to her daughter who had woken up a bit and was now looking around from the cloth sling that she was nestled in.

"Wow, those pictures really didn't do you justice," Quinn smiled, shaking her head in amazement, "you look...amazing, S. Just...just amazing. Is this your little girl?" Her voice perked up as she stepped closer to coo softly at the baby who giggled and waved at her, "Oh, aren't you just the most adorable little thing!"

Santana bushed and focused on her daughter, "This is Arianna Lior ." Santana slid the tiny girl out of the sling and turned her around so she could see Quinn. "Ari, this is your Auntie Quinn." She took Arianna's hand and made the girl wave. "Yep, she's my little girl," Santana stated as she watched Quinn smiling at the girl. "This is her first trip pretty much anywhere outside of like the house and her well baby appointments."

"Well, then, I'm not one for separating a mom and her baby on their first trip abroad, but when we get to my place, I definitely want to hold that little girl." Quinn grinned, a much warmer smile than the smirk from high school. "Come on, let's go. What would you like for dinner by the way? I have steak in the fridge or we could pick up some burgers on the way... What ever you'd like. My treat."

"Burgers, I think." Santana smiled as she followed behind Quinn out of the station, watching as the woman hailed a cab. Once settled in the taxi, Santana cradled her daughter, "We don't drive much in the city and She's still too little for a car seat to fit her safely," she tried to explain about why she didn't have a carseat for the baby to make her not seem like a bad mom. "Do you live far?" Santana asked nervously.

"A little ways, but it's okay, Boston isn't nearly as big as NYC," Q smiled reassuringly before leaning up to give the cabbie the address.

* * *

><p>A little while later, they were getting out in front of a small apartment building. Quinn pulled Santana and Ari's bags out of the trunk and paid the cabbie before heading up the door with the greasy white sack held tenuously between her teeth. Nodding at Santana to follow, she juggled the bags for a moment before getting her keys out and the door unlocked, guiding them up the stairs to another juggle before she opened the door into her small apartment. Walking in and dropping the bags by the couch, she retrieved the bag from between her teeth and gestured around.<p>

"Welcome to Casa Fabray," she smirked wryly, "I know it's no where near as big as the Fabray house in Lima, but I've found that you really don't need a lot of space when you live alone."

Santana smiled when she saw the familiar decorations that followed Quinn's personality. "It's lovely, Q." She stated. Santana put down her large purse/diaper bag on the couch with her bags and unhooked the sling for the baby. She looked around the small one bedroom apartment with a smile, "It's very you," She noted, as she picked up a lamb stuffed animal off the couch. "can't believe you still have this thing." Santana remarked as she brought it to Ari's head and made a kissing sound when it touched her skin. Arianna giggled and squirmed in her mom's arms.

"You gave it to me," Quinn shrugged, not willing to admit it was one of her favorite items, and she always packed it deliberately when she moved, "it just tends to follow me. I'm surprised it's survived this long, to be honest. Now," she stated firmly, setting the burger bag in the kitchen and coming back out with her arms open and a bright smile, "I believe I was promised a proper introduction to the littlest Lopez."

"Sap," Santana rolled her eyes but she popped the little beenie that looked like a tiger off her head and smoothed out her hair. "Go see auntie Quinn," She whispered to the girl as she handed her daughter to the first non-relative stranger to ever hold her. She watched for signs of angst or impending tears but none came. So Santana just leaned against the couch and watched.

Quinn sank down onto the couch, her eyes wide with wonder as she gently stroked a finger over the cheek of the tiny infant in her arms. "Hi, Arianna. I'm sorry I didn't come meet you sooner. You're such a sweet little girl, not like your fireball of a mother." Quinn glanced up at Santana with a teasing smirk, "I'm sure you'll be every bit as pretty though and I know she'll never let anyone hurt you. She's really good at that."

The mother watched as she moved to sit down next to her friend. "She's five weeks today," Santana said softly. "She was nearly a month early so she's working on getting bigger, isn't that right, _mija_?" she cooed as she watched her baby. "She's so easy going. Maybe it's being the youngest out of four, but she's so good."

"Look at you, practically married." If there was bitterness in her friend's voice, she masked it well, hiding it behind a soft smile for the little girl in her arms. "She's a sweet little girl, San, but knowing you, I think she'll stay tiny." She handed her back after a moment, "Rachel's really lucky to have won your loyalty."

"Not married," Santana said quickly, "despite Beth and Caleb's best efforts as of late. But not married." She watched Quinn for a moment after taking Arianna back. "It took a long time to get her, but now that she's here, I can't imagine life without her," Santana said in reference to her daughter. "Rachel... she... she and I went thought some shit... her husband dying, me getting attacked and the trial and media fall out... she stuck it out with me like I stuck it out with her." Santana just shrugged like it all made sense somewhere but she didn't know where.

"But, right now? My world is this little girl and the three still at home who depend on me now," Santana said as she leaned forward to kiss her daughter's head. "I'm just thankful that God gave me this little girl."

Quinn shifted to look at Santana curiously. "If your world is the children, where does Rachel fit in?" She sounded confused. "Are you just with her because of the children? Not that being so devoted to kids isn't amazing, but...aren't you happy, San? Because you should be happy..."

"It's been a really long, _really_ hard few months... fuck, few _years_... I'm just a bit overwhelmed." She shrugged, her eyes focused on her daughter. She was about to speak again when Arianna started to wail. "Sorry..." She whispered as she rocked her child, speaking in soft spanish to her as she quickly moved to unbutton the top of her shirt and work to get the child sustanace. After a moment of trying to be modest and trying to keep herself totally covered Santana finally gave up and shrugged her shoulder out of the fabric so Arianna could properly latch on to her breast.

"Sorry... She's fussy and the creeper dude next to me on the train kept leering at me when I tried to feed her." Santana sighed and turned her head to look at a wide eyed Quinn. "Fuck. Sorry. If this weirds you out, I can go into the bathroom for a bit if you want me too..."

Quinn shook her head quickly, standing up with a smile. "No. No, that's okay. I'll just go reheat our dinner so we can eat when she's done?" She swallowed past her bright smile, trying to avoid staring at her friend's breasts, "Does sound that good?"

The darker woman nodded and worked on trying to grab a burping cloth out of the bag. Her hand hit a piece of paper and she pulled it out. It was a note from Rachel. She read it over and smiled before sliding it back in the bag and getting a cloth to drape over her breast. "I'm covered up now, you're safe." Santana called over her shoulder as she ran her fingers through the baby's hair. "I forget that most people don't need to see that. Social causality of no having any friends."

"It really isn't a big deal, Santana." Quinn called out, coming out of the kitchen area with the burgers and fries divided onto to plates. "It's not like I haven't seen nursing mothers before." She set the plates on the coffee table, "It's just...you're my friend and well, you're," she blushed slightly, ducking her head, "you're you. I'm sorry, by the way. For lying to Sue about your," she nodded at Santana's chest, trying not to look for fear she'd end up staring, "you know. I shouldn't have done that."

"We all did stupid shit. I had the chance to deny it but I didn't." Santana shrugged, "It's fine though, not a big deal. And for the record? I never told Sue about your _situation_. That wasn't me." She rolled her eyes when Arianna pulled the cloth off her head so she could look at her mom. "Hi, pretty, did you think I left?" She teased her baby, "I can't leave you've got my boob." she smiled and looked over to Quinn. "That smells so good. I haven't had a burger in forever, which one doesn't have cheese?"

"That one," Quinn pointed at the plate closest to Santana and picked up her own gooey bacon cheeseburger, biting into it with a low hum of pleasure. "Oh god, this is delicious. I don't indulge very often, so you are my perfect excuse today. And, for the record, I knew you didn't tell. It wasn't that hard to get who did from Jewfro though I was mildly astonished to learn that Rachel really did give up a pair of her panties to him to try and keep it quiet." She shook her head, "I didn't deserve someone like that as my friend back then." She offered Santana a wistful smile, a blob of cheese and mayo on the corner of her lips before her tongue darted out to lick it away. "You're really lucky to have someone with that kind of loyalty in your corner."

Once Arianna stopped eating and Santana was fully clothed again she laid the baby on a blanket on the floor as she picked up her burger. She looked at it with a little guilt but took a small bite. "She's kinda amazing." Santana said as she swallowed, she took a few more bites in silence before pushing the other half aside so she could drink some water. "I haven't had meat regularly in a long time. Even before Rachel, my ex-husband didn't like me eating meat because of calories and now Rachel and the kids are vegetarian and kosher so it's easier to just be that way."

"Your ex-husband was a douche, San." Quinn rolled her eyes, "I wish you would have called me before you married him and all those horrible things happened. I didn't think we were that far from friends when we graduated..."

"I just needed a clean break you know... after everything that went down senior year. You were going to stay in Lima for university and I needed to get out. I went to London, I met him and he dominated my whole life. I couldn't keep in contact if I wanted to, but I didn't have much contact with anyone. Evidently that's normal in abuse... I don't really know. But, yeah. I wish you had stopped me..."

"Rachel doesn't do any of that, does she?" Quinn asked softly, "I know you said you don't have any friends beside her and her kids..."

"No. God, no!" Santana said quickly, "That's of my own choosing. I worked too damn hard and I don't trust anyone. I have Rachel. I have the kids and I have Beth. And now I hope I have you... It's not like Rachel has friends other than Puck so it's not like that this time. I promise."

Quinn breathed a soft sigh of relief, "Oh, that's good. And of course you have me." She ate silently for a moment before curling her lips with a wry chuckle, "For being the popular girl in school, I don't have any friends to speak of besides you."

"Is this falling into _those were the good old days or the best years of our life_ conversation is it? Cause that's pretty sad and we're not nearly drunk enough to get that going." She chucked as she ate a couple fries.

Quinn laughed. "Oh God, it would be depressing if _high school_ was the best days of our lives, wouldn't it? I was so miserable back then."

"Yeah, me too." Santana replied. "But its done and we get over it, right?" Santana asked hopefully as she looked at the blonde.

"Definitely," Quinn replied, raising one of the glasses of tea she brought out earlier with a smile, "I for one am far happier now than I ever was in high school. Even if I am practically aromantic by this point, I have my work and there is little more rewarding for me."

Santana took the tea with a smile. "Thanks, I'm glad to hear you're happy," she ran her fingers through her hair. "Tell me what's been going on in the last few years?"

Quinn pushed her plate back and sat for a moment, staring off into space as she swirled her ice around her glass. "Not a great deal, to be honest. I went to college in Lima then came here to get my Masters at Simmons." She glanced at Santana out of the corner of her eye with a tiny smile, "I'd always thought I'd stay in Lima, become a real estate agent and marry Finn. But he was so _obsessed_ with Berry that there was no chance that could work, even after she got married to Jesse, and I did a lot of thinking senior year."

She took a sip of her tea, "About Beth. I even tried talking to Rachel about it a couple of times, figuring she'd have some crazy insight on how it felt to be given up by your mom." She laughed, shaking her head. "Would you believe she got her father to take me to visit where he works in Columbus? Did you know her father's a social worker? Don't ever tell her this, but that visit made me realize that maybe I couldn't be the mom Beth needed, but I could make sure that other kids like her got to be with the moms _they_ needed." She nodded, "Maybe there were a few flings with guys - and girls," she added with a knowing smirk, "but nothing serious. How about you? How did you manage to get into Rachel Berry's argyle chastity belt?"

The new mother rolled her eyes and smiled, "I always knew you had a little bit of queer in you." She smirked as she knelt next to her baby and began changing her diaper and putting her into her Batman pajamas. "I mean that's really amazing what you do, Quinn. I don't think I could do it." She looked over her shoulder with a smile.

"But Rachel and I happened when her oldest child ran into my legs at a coffee shop across from work. They were visiting Jesse and then we started hanging out." she shrugged, "I needed a friend and so did she. Prior to her coming back into my life I was mostly just focused on work. I got married really young - like _really_ young - and stayed in that until I couldn't anymore. I mean it was fine what I remember of it. I just remember being really lonely... England was amazing and I miss my house there, but it was really lonely because Tobias would work and then I'd work and come home and go to sleep."

"Now I know that it wasn't that simple - that other shit was going down without me knowing - but you know, I thought I was in love so... yeah." Santana licked her lips and kept talking softly once she got the baby dressed and put little gloves on her hands so she couldn't scratch herself. "Then I moved to NYC and got to be COO and that's cool. I love my job, and I miss it right now..."

"If you miss it so much," Quinn shrugged, sipping her tea, "why not go back to it? Yes, I know you have little Arianna there to take care of, but surely if Rachel's all lovey-dovey with you like she got with her boyfriends, she'd be happy to step up and help take care of her during meetings and the like so you can work..."

"I know." She sighed, "But like... I'm working from home and trying to get everything done, but I'm so tired, like so fucking tired, Quinn." She whispered, "I just don't have the energy to get up in the morning." she looked down at the baby and sighed, "I love my daughter. I love the rest of my kids too... but I think that I just... I think that something is wrong. It's just harder then before."

"Maybe you should see someone." Quinn suggested, "Lord knows I had to after Beth. You remember how I was in high school. I just," she fumbled for a phrase to sum up the last two years of school together, "didn't _care_ after she was gone. I didn't care about me, about anyone I dated, about _school_ or cheerleading... I started desperately fumbling for something to fill that hole she left in my life when Shelby took her away. Prom Queen," her lips twitched in a wry smirk, "_Skank_..."

"You were sexy as hell as a Skank," Santana smiled, "I don't know.. when I lost my first baby..." she swallowed looking down at her daughter as she slept, "I never dealt with it. I just moved on, I went through some stuff and got through it and it still feels like I'm missing something." She sighed, "I love Arianna... I love her more than anything in this world and I love the older kids but I just don't feel like myself. I stopped taking medications a few years ago when Rachel asked me too and I thought I had gotten better."

"San, you also just had a _baby_," Quinn let out a soft, almost disbelieving laugh, "Hormonally and emotionally, you're all over the place. You could have gotten better, but right now, you have to readjust. Maybe you need a prescription to help or maybe you just need someone to help you work through it via verbal therapy. There's nothing wrong with needing help sometimes, San. I bet Rachel tells you that too. Lord knows she told _me_ often enough." She rolled her eyes at the memories.

"Yeah, she told me that before I left, but I can't take any medications while I'm nursing." Santana sighed. "I missed you," the woman whispered, her head tilting to look at Quinn. "I missed my best friend. Like, I love Rachel and she's amazing and positive and a great mom... but you _know_ me..." She looked down ashamed and guilty that she was sharing more about her feelings with a woman she hadn't seen in years then she had with her girlfriend.

"I missed my slutty second in command too," Quinn teased, trying to break the tension in the room, "Just wasn't any fun trying to cheer in college without you and B around. And San, maybe I haven't seen you in over ten years, but some things never change, like your "I just did something wrong and feel totally guilty" face. It's quite similar to some of the kids I work with, come to think of it."

Santana's eyes flickered up and glared at her, "I just... It's hard to talk to Rachel about some stuff like I don't want her to hate me or like be grossed out by me or God... I'm their provider! If _I'm_ broken, they lose someone else they relied on," she sighed and looked down. "But, my life isn't really that important. Tell me more about you, i'm tired of bitching."

"Santana," Quinn's voice was soft, "you're my best friend. Your life is important. If you're serious about Rachel, then you need to tell her how you feel at some point and trust that she won't hate you or be grossed out or whatever it is you're afraid of. And from what I remember of her, it is _really_ hard to make her hate you and I _tried_, so..." she shrugged. "But, until you _can_ talk to her, well, what's a best friend for it you can't rant and rave at her?" She smiled warmly, "You can talk to me about anything, S. I promise this isn't high school anymore. I won't go telling your secrets to anyone you don't want me too."

Santana nodded and fixated her gaze on the baby in her lap. "I don't even know what's wrong. When I lost my first baby, I was okay. When I was getting hit, I was okay. When I was fucking around in high school because I was sad, it was okay. When I found out I had been getting raped for years... I was fucking okay. But like, now? When I have a beautiful healthy baby, a girlfriend who honestly cares about me, three amazing kids, and a successful recording company..." She rested her head back and sighed, "I feel like I'm sabotaging it."

Quinn sighed softly and scooted over until she could rest a hand on Santana's shoulder. "San, I'm not a therapist, I'm just your friend but... honestly? Were you _really_ okay with all of that or were you just putting on the Lopez mask and moving on like one of Sue's good little soldiers?"

She snorted slightly, "Please, I thought they were the same thing." she looked up not really having noticed when Quinn moved closer. her breath caught slightly and she quickly looked back down.

Quinn laughed, "So they are, but really, San, from the things you've been saying, I think you weren't _really_ okay with any of that, but you didn't really _deal_ with any of it either." She gently rubbed her shoulder, unaware of her friend's reaction of their physical closeness, "So now everything's jumping on you now that it's safe for it to come out. Trust me, I get it."

"yeah..." she whispered and ran her hand over her daughter's stomach as she slept. "I... I should put her to bed." Santana swallowed, not really sure how she was getting to the hotel she had gotten for the night. She was feeling nervous about her reaction to Quinn and focusing on her baby was the easy way to disregard it.

"I suppose," Quinn murmured, her hand slipping from Santana's shoulder as she moved to start cleaning up. She was a bit sad that Santana had opted for a hotel instead of staying with her - she'd had some lingering dream of a sleepover like atmosphere, but it was patently ridiculous. They were both adults, Santana had her baby girl with her and there simply wasn't room in her small apartment. "Do you want me to call you a taxi to your hotel?"

Santana tried to move her daughter to only be met with a loud scream, "I think someone likes it here." Santana stated as she tried to calm down her daughter by standing up and bouncing her. "Come on, baby girl, you don't wanna impose on Auntie Q... we can see her tomorrow."

Quinn brightened slightly, "It's no imposition if you want to stay, San. You're both more than welcome in my home. I know I don't have a lot of room, but the couch is a futon..." She couldn't quite hide the hopeful tint to her voice, not looking forward to spending the night alone in her apartment after having someone she could honestly call her friend visit for the first time in years.

"Is that okay?" Santana asked, "I don't like hotels really and Arianna is screaming." She tried to soothe the baby down, but she wasn't having it. "Please, baby girl, stop crying. I know you miss your mama, please just calm down." She whispered rubbing her back.

She winced slightly at the sheer volume of Ari's cries, but smiled anyway. "Of course it's okay. I offered, didn't I? Is she okay?"

"She's fussy at night." Santana sighed and tried to calm her daughter down, "Please, baby," she whispered against the girl's head and tried to soothe her. "Please stop crying, you're okay. Just scared, you're okay."

Quinn bit her lip for a moment afraid to offer, then reached out, "Can I try? I'm pretty good with the little ones at the orphanage..."

Santana nodded and handed the baby over to Quinn. Once her arms were free she quickly went into the bag and searched for the sweater she borrowed from Rachel. However, once Ari realized that her mom wasn't holding her anymore, she started flailing and screaming even louder than before. Quinn recoiled in startled shock as a little fist smacked her right in the nose, making her eyes water.

"Oh god, if I ever thought she wasn't your daughter..." she sniffed, tipping her head back at the first trickle of warmth coming out at the second wallop to avoid bleeding on the baby.

Santana looked up and gasped, "Ari! _Baste_!" She called as she took the little girl and leaned her against her chest, zipping the zipper of the hoodie up as she held the girl. After a few moments of crying, she stopped and Santana silently thanked God. When Arianna started pawing at her sweatshirt she realized it - she missed Rachel. She bit her lip to stop the tears that threatened and went over to Quinn. She carefully wiped the blood off the blonde's nose.

"I'm _so_ sorry." she whispered, "She's not normally that bad."

Quinn chuckled ruefully, grabbing a tissue from the end table and pinching her nose. "Trust me, I've received far worse than a bloody nose. She's just a baby, San. She doesn't know any better. Though I think I like the idea of your baby girl being just as much of a fireball as her mom." She smiled despite her watery eyes, "What's so special about that sweatshirt anyway?"

"Smells like Rachel." Santana replied softly as she comforted her daughter, "Rachel normally gets up with her while I'm dealing with the other guys when she's like this..." She rubbed the back of her baby who was doing her best to imitate a baby koala perfectly against her chest. "Sorry... she flails a little when she's upset. I think she gets like nightmares or something... I don't really know."

"Wow," Quinn daubed at her nose a couple of times then tossed the bloody tissue away when it seemed like the bleeding had stopped, "you might not be married, but you certainly act like you are." She smiled a bit enviously. "I doubt it's nightmares, though I'm certainly not an expert. If it is or isn't, you'll have to wait until she starts talking to find out. Though, with Rachel influencing her," she smirked, "there's a good chance she'll never shut up after she does start talking."

"Right? She never really cries, but when she does it's good." Santana smiled and sat down hugging her.

"I'm sure she'll take after her mom then," Quinn smirked, standing up, "both of them. Would you like some coffee or something? I can brew a pot if you're interested..."

"I'm fine with tea, thanks." Santana smiled, "I'll call the hotel and tell them we're not coming." She said quietly as she pulled out her phone and quickly dialed the number. She talked for a few moments before hanging up and calling Rachel. She spoke in a hushed tone and then held the phone up to the baby's ear. A soft lullaby was lulling around the room as Rachel sung to the baby.

Quinn came back in with fresh tea, but paused to lean against wall and listen for a moment. "That certainly takes me back," she murmured, shaking her head with a quiet smile. "Annoying as she was, even I have to admit that she could sing. Say hi to her for me?"

Santana looked up and blushed and took the phone away when Rachel had finished. "Hey baby?" She whispered, "Quinn says hi... I'm gonna stay with her tonight instead of going to the hotel... Yeah, I canceled it, don't worry... Yeah... I'll call the kids in the morning okay... you too.." She blushed looking away from Quinn for a moment. "Alex is awake? Lemme talk to him... Hey, baby boy, why are you still awake?... Oh I know, _mijo_, but I'll be home tomorrow night... I love you so much too, okay... What? Arianna's asleep, you can tell her about school play-group tomorrow okay? Alright, mommy loves you and go to sleep okay?" When Alex finally gave up and went to bed Santana said goodbye once more and hung up and put her phone down.

"Sorry." Santana whispered, as she carefully took off the sweater and wrapped Arianna up in it and laid her on the futon. "Duty calls sometimes..."

"It's alright. I wish I had people who I could talk to like that when I'm out of town. Here," Quinn walked over and gave her the mug of tea, "something to calm down before bed. Chamomile and peppermint. It tends to help me relax after a long day. I've been drinking it since high school, believe it or not." She took a sip from her own mug. "San, can I ask you something?"

Santana took the mug and brought her knees to her chest, "I mean... If you're a cranky three year old I can make that happen." Santana teased before taking a sip of her tea. "Shoot."

"Oh, haha, very funny." She rolled her eyes, "Whatever. I'm just curious, San. Are you happy now? I mean beyond how you feel right now. Are you happy with Rachel and her kids?"

Santana looked down at her hands and thought for a few minutes. "First, Alex is my son. he always has been. I was there when he was born and I cared for him every day of his life. Caleb and Kayla are amazing and I love them as much as Ari and Alex. I do love Rachel. I do. I just... sometimes wonder if we, like, rushed it. She was in a relationship forever and then he _died_ and I needed someone safe maybe..."

Quinn nodded, looking down into her mug as she swirled her tea around. "So you're... not happy?" She sounded uncertain of her question, "Do you ever wish things had turned out different and you weren't together?"

"Quinn..." Santana sighed, "I... I don't think I can answer that. I'm happy. Okay? I'm happy."

"Oh," she nodded, smiling briefly, "Okay. Um, I guess I'll let you get to sleep." She stood, taking another sip from her mug to hide her flusteredness, "I'll see you in the morning, okay? If you need me, I'm just in the other room."

Santana sighed and watched Quinn walk into the bedroom. She silently got her shorts and a button-down shirt to sleep in and headed into the bathroom to change. She came out and settled her clothing back into her bag and sat down on the futon with her iPad to work a little bit. After a few hours she was still awake and Arianna woke up hungry. So not even thinking about it she unbuttoned her shirt and let her daughter rest against her bare skin as she softly sung to her.

* * *

><p>In her room, Quinn lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. She hadn't thought it'd be so hard seeing Santana again. Hadn't thought seeing that beautiful baby girl of hers would dredge up how much she missed her own baby girl. When the soft sound of Santana singing trickled into her room, she had to blink back a tear.<p>

It wasn't fair. Rachel got _everything_ Quinn had ever wanted, even now. A family. Children. A successful, albeit unexpected for her, career.

Santana.

She rolled over and buried her face into the pillow, years of growing up Fabray teaching her how to cry all but silently and muffle the sounds that did escape to avoid disturbing anyone else. She could get past it - she always did - but in that moment, it just hurt having everything she'd ever wanted seem just within reach only to be swept away by Hurricane Berry sweeping through her life again. She would be fine come morning - it was only the latent pangs of a high school crush that had never truly died - but she promised herself that if Rachel _ever_ hurt the woman spending the night on her couch, she would be there to help pick up the pieces. She swore to herself that no matter what, she would be there for her best friend in whatever manner Santana wanted her.

She was her best friend. And if Rachel freaking Berry was what it took to make her happy, then Quinn Fabray would support them. It wasn't time for high school oneupsmanship any longer.

She just wanted her best friend to be happy again.


	49. Chapter 49: Mom?

**Chapter 49**

It had been sixteen years, six months, two weeks and four days since the last time they'd seen each other. Three months since Santana had gone to feel Quinn out about meeting Beth. Not that Beth was counting. Because she wasn't. Just like she wasn't so nervous about finally meeting her birth mother that Rachel's good china was rattling every time she touched it.

She kept glancing at the clock on the wall. It was quiet in the house with the kids gone out with Leroy and Hiram on a rare visit from the two busy men and the steady ticking seemed to almost echo in the silence. She could hear the quiet noises of her sister and her girlfriend upstairs in their office working. They'd promised to stay out of the way, but it calmed her down to know they were there. That if anything happened, she had two women ready and willing to remind her that she was wanted and loved just upstairs.

Her cup rattled slightly against its saucer as she set it down for the sixth time in the last fifteen minutes. When the bell for the front door rang, she nearly upset everything, barely keeping from spilling the service as she bounced to her feet. Taking a deep breath and centering herself like Rachel had told her, she smoothed her skirt down and put on the smile that Santana told her was her best just a couple of hours ago. Heading carefully to the door, she reached out and placed a trembling hand on the handle, taking one more deep breath before turning it and opening the door.

There, just on the other side, was the one person she'd wanted to meet more than anyone. She looked like her. The hair was a softer shade of blonde and her eyes were hazel instead of Beth's brown, but she had the same smile and, as Quinn shyly pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear, Beth was thrilled to note some of the same mannerisms.

"Um, hi," Quinn murmured with a tiny smile, holding out her hand, "I'm Quinn. I, um... I'm your birth mother."

Beth looked up and memorized the woman in front of her, "Hi..." She whispered, her voice not able to find a higher volume. "I'm.. I'm Beth." She said as she pushed the door back so the woman could come into the house.

Quinn's smile grew a little, "Really? Your father and I named you that before Shelby adopted you. I'm," she took a breath, calming herself, "I'm glad she kept it. Well," she looked around as she stepped inside, seeing too many traces of Santana and Rachel for the house to be Shelby's, but she didn't comment, "I'm sure you have lots of questions. You can ask me if you do. Anything you want."

"Shelby wasn't really creative." Beth's nose wrinkled up when she spoke of her mother. She brought Quinn inside and bounced towards the couch excitedly. "Um. Rachel made tea and banana bread." She pointed to the platter on the table, "They're upstairs working... Well Rachel's working and Santana's being moody." She rolled her eyes obviously repeating Rachel's words. Beth sat down on the couch and watched her birth mother for a second. "Um... Anything?" She pursed her lips as she thought, "Why... um, why didn't you want me?"

Her breath caught in her throat. She'd known she'd have to face that question eventually, but she didn't think it'd be so soon. She smiled wryly, looking down at the tea service and pouring herself a cup. "Wow, you really must be my daughter. You don't pull any punches at all do you." Quinn sighed softly, trying to think of a way to explain.

"It's not that I didn't want you, Beth." She finally murmured, looking up at the teen, "I wanted you. I wanted you so much. But I was only 16. I was just a kid." She shook her head, "I couldn't raise a baby or give you the life you deserved. I didn't have a job. I didn't even have a _home_ when I had you. I _couldn't_ keep you, but it was never because I didn't want you. I promise."

"I guess I understand." Beth sighed, "Arianna drives me crazy and she's just my niece. I couldn't imagine being a mom right now..." She looked at her hands, "I just kinda wished, I mean... I just wanted to meet you and stuff. Santana tells me I look like you and Rachel tells me I act like Noah..." She shrugged, "But, I never wanted to meet him."

Beth looked at her hands and then back to Quinn. "I just wanted to know where I came from."

"Beth," Quinn began only to stop and think about how the kids she worked with every day about this very question. "You came from two kids who weren't in love but were very good friends. When your father and I got together, we didn't think about the consequences of what could happen. Then I found out I was pregnant with you and I was terrified, but I had to do what was best for my baby. For you. And it was hard. I lost my family, my home. I didn't have anything, but people I never expected to stand up for me did and when I got to see you for the first time?"

She finally looked up at met Beth's eyes with a fond smile, "For the first time in my life, I'd felt like I did something right. And I couldn't mess that up by keeping you with me. Because it didn't matter how much I loved you, Beth - and I did, so much. I couldn't give you a home. I couldn't even feed myself, let alone you. You were my one perfect thing and you always will be."

"I'm not perfect, nothing can ever be perfect," she said sadly. "I wish I stayed with you." Beth whispered, "Maybe everything would be okay now. I get that it sucks not having a home, Quinn. I had to leave mine and that really sucks. Maybe... Maybe if you came for me earlier it would have been okay, Shelby wouldn't have hurt my sister and Santana... she wouldn't have hurt me." Beth tried to wipe away the tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks.

"I just want a mom." She whispered softly. "Someone who loves me."

"You _are_ perfect," Quinn reached over and touched Beth for the first time in years, her hand covering the girl's, "just because Shelby messed up doesn't keep you from being perfect to me. I looked for you, Beth. I wanted to know you, but Shelby insisted on a closed adoption. Legally, I'm not allowed to be anything to you but a friend. But," she bit her lip wondering if it was even something she could offer, "but you're still the little girl I gave birth to when I was a scared teenager and I have loved you from the first moment I saw you. Maybe I can't be your _mom_, Beth, but I can be your friend and I'd like very much to be a part of your life. If you'd like me to be."

Beth was suddenly nervous. "I... I don't know." she whispered softly, "I just want someone who is suppose to love me and want to keep me to do so." She pulled her hand away and wrapped her arms around her own body. "Shelby fucked up and hurt the only two people who actually care about me." Beth sniffled and tried to force back the tears, "My sister took me in because I refuse to go back to someone that hateful... and after wanting to meet _you_ for 16 years... all I can have is a _friend_?"

Quinn sat back feeling as if she'd been stabbed. "Beth, you don't understand. I'm not _allowed_ to be your mom. That's how Shelby set it up. I had to sign papers giving you up _completely_ before she would adopt you and give you the life I _couldn't_. It doesn't matter what I _want_, Beth!" She hugged herself, sitting back in the sofa and blinking, unable to look at Beth. "You're my little girl," she whispered, her arms tightening about herself, "but I never got to be your mom."

"It's fine. Rachel and Santana can be my moms now," she whispered angrily as she looked to the floor. "Doesn't matter..." She sighed, knowing that she shouldn't be getting upset but she couldn't help it. She was angry and let down by the one person she thought might be able to make things better. "Excuse me." Beth sniffled as she looked at the blonde. She got up and sighed as she stomped up the stairs and shut her door.

* * *

><p>When Santana heard the door slam she looked up, "Baby? I think the conversation just ended..." She said as she stood up and carried Arianna downstairs to see Quinn trying to hold back tears. "Oh, Quinn..." Santana whispered as she moved to sit next to her friend on the couch.<p>

Quinn sniffled, shaking her head and not looking at Santana. "What?" She rubbed at her eyes with the palm of her hand, "I thought this might happen. Children often feel disappointment and upset when they learn their birth parents can't be their real parents and take them away. Beth's no different just because she was my baby girl."

"It just sucks more because she _is_ your child," Santana said softly. She placed Arianna in her playpen and moved so she could hug the blonde. She ran her hand up and down Quinn's back. "She'll be okay. She's just had a really bad couple of weeks, Quinn. She won't go back to Shelby's and that woman has been sending a barrage of shit at us and it's just hurting Beth more. She's just let down by the world... she's also 16 and a bucket of angst and hormones."

Quinn laughed wryly, "Isn't that what got us into this mess in the first place? Being sixteen and a bucket of angst and hormones? She doesn't know anyone who thinks a nickname based on either a slab of plastic or a fairy from Shakespeare is sexy does she?" She tried joking, scrambling to put her mask back into place. It'd hurt when Beth had ran off, far more than she wanted to admit.

"Thank god, no." Santana smiled and held her friend, "She has a little boyfriend but they're both too innocent to even think about doing anything like that. He's a good Jewish boy actually, Zachary." the darker woman smiled and kissed Quinn's temple. "She's just acting out, I remember a little blonde of my own being a little crazy and rash when she got upset or do I have to get the pictures of the pink hair out of storage?"

"Oh god, _Jewish_? She's doomed," Quinn laughed, rubbing at her eyes, "Don't you know Jewish men are the downfall of good Fabray girls? And don't remind me," she rolled her eyes, "Do you have any idea how long it took to get all the pink out of my hair?"

"He's a good boy, trust me I'm like the beacon for bad men. He's cute, not at all Puck like... and hey mother like daughter huh?" She smiled and ran her fingers through Quinn hair, "And yeah, bitch, I had to buy peroxide and bleach your head like five times i think we both got brain damage from it." She ribbed as she got up when Arianna started fussing. Santana came back to sit with the girl and plopped the four month old in the blonde's lap. "Baby girl, say hi to Auntie Quinn." She smiled and watched as Arianna pressed her hands into Quinn's face.

Rachel turned the corner into the living room after checking on Beth only to see Santana smiling easily at Quinn. To see her sitting so close and comfortable next to her. To see her placing their youngest child in the blonde's lap. It felt like a knife digging into her chest at the sight of the woman she loved being more open and comfortable with Quinn than she had been with her in _months_.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself against the pang, putting on her warmest smile. "Hello, Quinn." She glanced at Santana curiously before looking back at Quinn, "Beth's fine, just upset at the moment. Naturally, my sympathy and concern is mainly for my sister during a situation like this - unusual as it may be to refer to your natural child as my sister - but are you okay?"

Santana looked up and her smile faded when she saw the fake look the woman she loved was giving her. "I'm... gonna heat up the tea again," she said awkwardly. "Arianna, be good for Mommy and Auntie Quinn," she whispered, kissing her daughter's head and picking up the pot before headed into the kitchen.

Rachel watched Santana go with a forlorn expression that wasn't missed by Quinn even as she was distracted by the baby in her lap. Her shoulders slumped for a second only to straighten again and the same overly warm smile plastered on as she came over to sit by Quinn. "I'm sorry. She's up... moody. Baby hormones."

"Don't apologize for Santana, Rachel," Quinn drolled, shaking her head and waving at the baby cooing in her lap, "you'll spend all day on it and she'll just do something else. And Beth just wants far more than I can give her."

"Beth wants you in her life, Quinn." Rachel's voice was soft as she played with the tiny socks on Arianna's feet. "That's the one thing adopted kids really want. They want the people who brought them into this world to want them."

"But I _do_ want her, Rachel," Quinn sounded frustrated, "I _do_ want her! I've always wanted her!"

Rachel raised a brow at the vehemence in Quinn's voice. "Like Shelby wanted me?"

That stopped her. "Rachel, I..."

"No, Quinn," Rachel held up a hand, cutting her off, "Just let me talk. What is happening between you and Beth is different, yes, but it's also the same in a very important way. Beth wants to know who her _mother_ is. She wants to know who the woman who brought her into the world is. She wants that woman to love and want her enough to be in her life even when it's not convenient. She wants someone she can turn to when she's scared. She _wants_, Quinn, and this is very important," she waited until Quinn was looking at her to state quietly but firmly. "She wants to know that she _belongs_ somewhere."

"She belongs here," Quinn's voice cracked slightly, "I'm not her mom, Rachel. I can't be."

Rachel nodded at the stairs, "Yes, she does belong here and she will always have a place in my home no matter what. She's my sister in an entirely awkward and convoluted fashion, but I love her dearly and she will always, _always_ be a part of my family." She shrugged, "We all know you're not her _mom_. So does she, even if she says otherwise right now. But you _are_ her mother and you're the only one who can _ever_ be that for her."

"She wants to know you'll be there, Quinn. That's all. She wants to know that when something amazing happens to her, she'll be able to point into the crowd at you and say 'That's my mother. She's why I'm here.' She just wants to know the person who looks like her. To find out how you're the same."

"When did you get so insightful?" Quinn asked with a sniff, wiping at her eyes. "Does she tell you this stuff?"

"No and I'm not any more insightful than I used to be," Rachel shrugged with a lopsided smile, "but I've been here, Quinn. I've been just where Beth is and I know how it feels to be told 'No, I don't want to be in your life' by my mother. That hurt more than anything you or Santana or anyone else could ever do to me in high school and I don't ever want to see Beth go through that."

Santana had been listening over by the kitchen and cleared her throat as she came back into the room. "Tea," she said softly as she moved to take her daughter back from Quinn. Santana went and settled down in the chair on the other side of the room and nursed quietly as the room fell into a silence.

With a brave breath, Beth traversed the staircase and came back down into the living room holding a photo album she had stolen from her house. "Here," She said as she handed it to Quinn and moved to sit down on the floor near Santana so she could play with Arianna's feet. "I thought you might wanna see those." She nodded to the book that held photos from her childhood up until a few years ago.

Quinn opened it slowly, glancing at a couple of pages until she realized what it was. "O-oh," she gasped softly, closing it. "Maybe," she glanced at Rachel who nodded reassuringly, before smiling at Beth hopefully, "maybe we could look at it together and you could tell me about the pictures?" She stroked the cover of the album absentmindedly, "Maybe we could get coffee or... or ice cream. I have the worst sweet tooth for vanilla ice cream, how about you?"

Rachel looked longingly across the room at Santana as the two blondes talked, wishing she could sit with her, but not sure how to ask. She wanted to be with her lover again. Wanted her to be okay with _her_ and tell her she had no reason to be jealous or scared of Quinn.

Santana ran her fingers through Beth's ponytail trying to calm the girl's nerves like she used to Quinn's. "O-okay..." Beth agreed tentatively as she looked to her sister, "I.. I'm not allowed to drink coffee but I like ice cream." Beth smiled and looked down at her hands. Santana looked up and winked at Rachel before refocusing her gaze on the baby in her arms.

The wink settled Rachel's nerves a bit and she smiled at her girlfriend before giving Beth a reassuring glance. "That sounds like an excellent plan, doesn't it, Santana?"

"Not allowed to have _coffee_?" Quinn looked between Rachel and Santana in shock, "That's _awful_! And you're staying here?" She glanced at Santana with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, "Please don't tell me they're withholding bacon too? I don't know if I'd want to live without a daily dose of bacon."

"Poor girl got you and Puck's genes..." Santana smiled, "She is already perky as hell and she does not need coffee stunting her growth." She teased as she handed the baby over to Beth when she made grabby hands at the baby. "Yes, you can have her. Damn, child," She teased as she fixed her top. "Yeah, anyway, caffeine if not needed in this home. Trust."

Quinn laughed, "Is _that_ what happened to you, Rachel? Too much coffee?"

Rachel just huffed and folded her arms. "I will not dignify that with an answer." But the corner of her lips twitched just enough that Santana and Beth could see she was happy with the turn of events.

"Okay, so no coffee, but bacon? You are not depriving my baby girl of _bacon_ are you?" Quinn asked with wide eyes.

Santana blinked, "Um, we're vegetarian... and Beth was raised in a kosher house." She cracked a smile knowing that would annoy Quinn. "When Beth moved in, we got her some like chicken and stuff and you had turkey bacon when we went to brunch the other day right?" She asked Beth who just nodded.

"I never had real bacon before, Mom - I mean, Shelby, told me why we don't eat it and I'm okay with that. Plus it's like super fatty." Beth pointed out as she looked up from Arianna.

Quinn's jaw dropped. "Never had... but you like the turkey stuff, right? At least you like _some_ kind of bacon even if it isn't the pork kind. Right?" As the comment about it being fatty sank in, she blushed, "I know it's fatty and bad for me, but I can't help how delicious it is..."

"Beth, when Quinn was pregnant with you... she broke into my house to make bacon because Puck's mom wouldn't let her," Santana teased as she made a face at Quinn, "And, let me tell you that that is not a food you can sneak make. So I came down and she's sitting at my kitchen eating a plate of bacon." She smirked and stuck her tongue out at the woman.

"Honestly, Quinn? Breaking into Santana's home for _bacon_?" Rachel raised a slightly judging eye, but her tone was teasing, "When you know Brittany would have just given it to you if you asked."

"Hey, don't judge me! You would not _believe_ the cravings I had when I was pregnant with Beth!" Quinn blushed darkly, "It's not my fault Puck's mom hated me and cut me off whenever she could. That's why I had to leave there. I couldn't bear the idea of that woman taking my little girl and raising her into some twisted person who hated me." She looked over at Beth with a little shrug, "At least, I hope you don't hate me Beth."

"Don't hate you," Beth shook her head with a tiny hint of a smile, "and we can go have bacon if that's what you want." She wanted to fit in with her mother so bad she was nearly willing to give up her religious beliefs to make her want to hang out still.

"Babe, you don't have to eat bacon for Q to love you," Santana said, reading between the lines. "You and her can go bond over your odd love of Harry Potter and other nerdy stuff." She winked at the teen before looking up and moving over to Rachel. She picked up the baby as she did so and sat down with her and slid the infant into her arms. Rachel cradled the baby, smiling down at her before beaming up at Santana for moving over to join her and leaning against her girlfriend with a contented smile.

Quinn rolled her eyes at the two of them. "You two make me gag sometimes. Seriously. And Beth, you totally don't have to eat anything just because I like it. Though," she gave a little shrug and a shy smile, "if you'd like to go out for burgers and ice cream sometime, I'm sure we can find some kosher burger place that will suit both of us. I mean, if you want to. You totally don't have to. And if you don't like burgers we can just go somewhere you like. If that'd be okay?"

"I like burgers." Beth said as she sat up in the chair. "I like them with avocado like Rachel makes sometimes... but they're turkey." She stated as she looked up, "But yeah, burgers would be cool."

Quinn smiled, leaning forward hopefully, "If Rachel and Santana don't mind - and you, of course - maybe we could have dinner together? If it goes well, maybe I could try to come up to New York more often so we could hang out?" She tried not to sound too hopeful, but it was hard when being allowed a chance to be in her baby's life after so many years. Giving the little girl up had been her biggest regret, but she knew she wasn't suited to be a parent and Beth was still better off with Santana and Rachel or even Shelby as her main parent.

"If that's what Beth wants. She's almost grown, so she can make her own decisions," Santana said looking up from the baby. She looked between Beth and Quinn, "Just let your sister and I know what you wanna do and we can work something out, okay?" She smiled softly at her friend, "We're not really doing much for dinner either so if you guys wanna go out please feel free."

"Certainly," Rachel offered Beth a smile even though she shot Quinn a warning look to not hurt the girl, "Beth is more than welcome to go out with you if she wants to, Quinn. Just please don't bring her home too late as we have service to attend in the morning."

"Service? But it's only Saturday tomorrow." Quinn looked confused.

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Jewish services are held on Saturday, Quinn. You may want to look into Beth's religion if you want to avoid offending it by accident."

"I...I knew that," Quinn stammered, embarrassed at the slip up. "Well, what do you say, Beth?" She offered the teen a lopsided smile, "What do you think about having dinner with me tonight?"

"Okay," Beth smiled, "I'm gonna go change and stuff, but I'll be back down in a bit!" she called back excitedly as she bound up the stairs. Santana chuckled softly.

"Crazy kid." Santana smiled and looked up, "Q, you can hang here with me and Arianna while Beth and Rachel Jew it up if you want. I mean if you want that way you can meet the rest of the brood and then have lunch before you grab the train back to boston." She offered, before getting up and stretching slightly.

"You still don't want to come, Santana?" Rachel's question was soft. She didn't think Santana would answer in the positive, so she sighed softly and handed Santana their baby with a tiny smile. "I'm going to go make sure Beth doesn't need anything, okay?" She stood, leaning over to kiss Santana softly, her fingers lightly trailing over the woman's wrist as she pulled away. "You two keep Quinn company for a bit while _us Jews_ do our thing."

Santana looked away as Rachel walked up the stairs. She leaned back and sighed for a second before looking back to Quinn. "See? Everything will be okay with you and little blonde," she smiled, trying to not let Quinn see that she was unhappy.

"Yeah, but will everything be okay with you and the hobbit?" Quinn asked softly, worried about her friend.

"Yeah, everything's fine, I just don't wanna go to temple... I just need like a couple hours alone once a week..." she lied. She was scared of the reporters, the cameras taking pictures of her kids. She was paranoid and anxious all the time. "I'm cool, Quinn."

Quinn looked at Santana for a long moment before shaking her head with a sigh. "Yeah, you know you weren't the best liar when it came to me in high school and you really haven't improved with age. The hobbit's practically freaking in that creepy silent way she used to do sometimes. What's going on?"

"I just don't wanna leave... or take Arianna outside," Santana snapped curtly. "I just don't want people taking pictures of her or looking at her," the silent _or me_ hung in the air. "She's just being bitchy and I can't do anything about it."

Quinn raised a brow. "She's being _bitchy_. Did you just say your girlfriend is being bitchy? Because I may not be the biggest fan of the hobbit but those sure as hell didn't look like bitchy expressions to me." She threw up her hands, "Look, do whatever you want, San, but I had this crazy idea that you _liked_ her and she's obviously worried about you."

"I'm just... I'm over all of this right now, I'm fucking exhausted and on edge all the _time_. All she wants to do is _talk_," Santana groaned as she cracked her neck and sighed. "I'm just... tired."

"Have you tried," Quinn made a vague hand gesture with an awkward blushing smirk, "something to distract her from talking? It used to be your thing after all."

Santana shrugged, "I just give her the baby and it shuts her up for awhile... but no. I'm not gonna just sleep with her to make her stop talking." Santana crossed her arms and she sighed. "We haven't in awhile..."

Quinn paled slightly, but swallowed down her discomfort at the topic and subjects of the topic. "Do you even want to...anymore?"

Santana shrugged slightly, her eyes looking at her daughter with guilt. "I just don't feel like myself still... I don't know, Q... I just have no idea what to do about anything."

"So, you don't want your girlfriend anymore," Quinn murmured, regarding Santana with an interested expression, "and you're not happy here...why stay?"

"Because I have four kids and Beth!" She spat at the woman, "I have four kids and I'm not gonna bail on them because I'm fucked up."

"So you have four kids and Beth," Quinn shrugged, "that's no reason to share a room with their mom or date her if you aren't into her. You can have separate rooms if that's what you need. There's nothing wrong with not continuing a relationship if it stops working, San. You can still be here for the kids without being their mom's girlfriend."

"Don't.. just don't Quinn. When the fuck was the last time you _had_ relationship. You don't know what it takes to make one work, you don't know how hard it is to keep a family together after everything... _everything_ we've been through. I'm fucking sorry I'm not the happiest person in the world right now, but back the fuck off you have no idea what I'm dealing with, what _Rachel_ is dealing with!"

"And I _know_ that, San! Jesus, don't you think something's wrong if even _I_ am noticing?" Quinn was getting frustrated, "If anyone knows about messed up and failing relationships it's me, but did you ever think that _maybe_ I just want to see one _work_ for once? Maybe I want my best friend to be _happy_ again?"

Arianna started screaming when Santana yelled and Quinn's voice raised too. The mother got up and glared at the floor as she tried to settle her daughter down. When she realized that it wasn't going to work Santana just left the room and headed down the hall into her bedroom to try to soothe her daughter.

* * *

><p>Rachel heard the baby screaming and excused herself from braiding Beth's hair and headed downstairs. "Where is Ari?" she asked as she looked around the room for her baby.<p>

The blonde looked up and shrugged, "Santana got mad a me and startled her and they're cooling off down the hall." Quinn pointed out as she stood up. "What is going on with you two?"

"We... We're fine, Quinn," Rachel began only to be cut off.

"Oh no, don't you feed me the same line of bull as Santana was." Quinn glared, folding her arms over her chest. "She is my best friend and something is clearly wrong so just fess up."

Rachel sighed, never having been very successful at standing up to Quinn. "We... She's depressed." It hurt admitting it to someone else, but now that she was it all came out. "Ever since Ari was born she hasn't been interested in anything but her and the children." Rachel tried smiling but it was a sad imitation as she shrugged, "I just...don't interest her any longer I suppose. It's terribly sad but I don't know what to do." She slumped down into a seat, cradling her head in her hands and whispering miserably, "I'm losing her and I can't seem to stop it."

"She gets depressed and she doesn't deal with it, she never has." Quinn sighed, "You're not losing her, Rachel, she's _lost_. Inside that pretty little head, she's lost. Maybe it's her inability to handle interpersonal stress, her need to be perfect or any of her other issues... but she's not gonna leave you Rachel. If you wanna leave, you're gonna have to leave her. But it's never gonna happen."

Rachel shook her head. "I can't. She's it for me. I don't want anyone else, Quinn. I just want to _find_ her again! I want my Santana back. I want the woman I fell in love with. The one who would hold me at night and read those awful Batman comics to Cale and Alex. I want the woman who would laugh and play with the children in the backyard but would always come in to give me a kiss while I was cooking. The woman who took Kayla to get her first pair of glasses and told her it was cool to wear glasses. Was all of that a lie? I love her. I will _always_ love her, but I miss her, Quinn..."

Quinn smiled as she heard about how good of a parent Santana was. "She'll be back." Quinn assured her and gave Rachel a tentative hug. "Look, I don't know how to get her back but maybe just take out our for a bit? Remove her _mommy_ crutch that she's leaning so heavily on. I'll pay for a babysitter, hell _I'll_ babysit if you want. I just need you guys to be happy again. I need to see Santana smile again so I know everything's okay. That there is hope for everyone finding love..."

Rachel looked up, uncertain but hopeful. "Do you think that would work? We've," she smiled sheepishly as she realized it was true, "we've never really _dated_ actually. There's never been time. Usually when we get time alone we just want to sleep for the last couple of years."

"That's what happens when you breed a small soccer team." Quinn joked, "But seriously, let her get some sleep. Maybe even give her an Ambian or something and then you take her out... because she's gonna go crazy if she keeps going like this." The blonde warned, "Let her get some sleep tonight when I take Beth out and then tell her you're going on a date and don't give her a choice tomorrow. I'll talk to Beth about babysitting with me."

Rachel laughed exhaustedly, "I think perhaps we both need the rest, but I'll do it." She nodded determinedly then jumped up and hugged Quinn impulsively, "Thank you for this, Quinn. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Please, it's no fun picking on you when you're sad and your baby momma won't play with me," Quinn joked. Beth came bounding down the stairs and smiled as she tugged on her leather jacket - a birthday gift from Santana - "Ready kiddo?" Quinn asked and Beth smiled.

"Yeah," She stated, "Bye, Rach. Tell Santana bye too!" she called as they headed out the door.

"Bye and remember, not too late!" Rachel called before closing and locking the door behind them. That done, she headed to the bedroom after a quick stop in the bathroom for one of her own rarely used sleeping aids. "Santana?" she called softly, not wanting to alarm the soothed baby. "I was wondering if you'd like to take a nap now that it's just us and Ari? I can take care of her if she gets distressed."

"Okay," Santana said softly, one of her hands testing on her daughter's stomach. Santana rolled onto her side leaving a space on the bed for Rachel if she wanted it.

"First, take this?" She held out the sleep aid, knowing Santana would recognize it and never wanting to put the woman she loved into the unknowing situation that she was in with Tobias with her. "You haven't been sleeping and it scares me. You can trust me to take care of our daughter and ensure nothing happens to you while you're sleeping, Santana. I'd die before I let anything happen to either of you."

Santana hesitated. "I don't want to not wake up," she whispered looking up at Rachel. "What if I don't wake up... or the pill hurts her from my milk?" She whimpered, scared of anything bad happening to her child.

"Santana," Rachel soothed, sitting beside her and gently stroking her hair with her free hand, "do you think I'd let you not wake up? You know I'd be lost without you. I promise you, the moment something happens with Ari that isn't absolutely routine, I will wake you. And this is one Ambien. I took it when I had to when I was nursing all three of the others and they're fine. It's approved by pediatricians so long as you don't take it often. You know that I would never have taken it unless I was certain it wouldn't hurt my children."

"I know," she looked up and sighed. "I'll take it," she whispered, taking the pill and popping it into her mouth then laying down. She didn't feel like she was a good mother, unable to handle the stress of the kids. "You deserve someone better, Jesse would have been able to handle all of this... I just fall apart."

"_Jesse_ would have been able to handle this?" Rachel looked first astonished then amused, "Santana, you never knew him the way I did. And he was an absolute _mess_ with Kayla and Cale when they were born. He wanted so much to do everything perfectly for his children, that he stressed _both_ of us out." She laid down behind Santana and pressed a kiss to her shoulder, gently stroking her hair as she waited for the medication to kick in before letting herself rest for a bit too. "Once, I came home from a doctor's appointment only to find that he'd somehow tangled himself in a jumper swing for Kayla while trying to install it and was practically mummified on the kitchen floor.

"

"I can't even leave the house. My doctor says I don't want to but I'm so scared something bad will happen to everyone if I do... I just couldn't.. I can't handle this." she whispered, trying to not wake their daughter.

Rachel held her close, "You've got reason to be afraid. Bad things _have_ happened to you outside of this house. This is your safe place and you don't want to leave. I understand that. But," she kissed Santana's shoulder again, hugging her, "can you understand also that I'll do anything it takes to protect you? To protect our children? I'll be your safe place outside if you'll let me, Santana."

Santana sleepily nodded and let her eyes flutter closed as she curled into herself. "'kay." she murmured as she drifted into a medicated slumber.

Reaching over and flicking off the bedside lamp and pulling the covers over them, Rachel curled around her girlfriend, snuggling as close as she could. They didn't often sleep together - at least not through the night - since Arianna was born, but she still wanted to be close to her. And more importantly, she wanted Santana to know she was safe so she could get as much rest as she could. She wasn't sure when exactly she drifted off, but before too long, the little trio of brunettes was sound asleep.


	50. Chapter 50: First date

**Chapter 50**

It was nearly nine hours later when Rachel sat down on the edge of the bed holding a clean and hungry baby. She'd gotten up a couple of times when Ari started fussing with a dirty diaper and Beth had come home. The blonde teen was in better spirits than she'd seen in a while after dinner with her biological mom and the promise of even more time with her tomorrow as Quinn had promised to help her babysit while Rachel and Santana went out.

Now their three oldest had come home from their night with Rachel's dads and were settled in their beds sleeping. Rachel gently stroked her fingers through black hair, smiling softly down at how gentle and peaceful her lover looked in sleep. "Hey, love," she whispered, "ready to wake up?"

Santana groaned and fought the urge to wake up. She mumbled and buried her head further in the pillow, causing her dark hair to splay across the white sheets. "No. Sleep." She whispered her hands fisting into the sheets in reluctance to wake up and move.

Rachel chuckled softly, having missed the sleep-loving side of her girlfriend. "Okay, but our little one is hungry and would like to eat. At least help me a little. She wants it straight from the source and who better than her mommy?"

Santana flopped herself over and covered her head with her pillow. She didn't wanna wake up but she didn't want to deprive her daughter either so she just gave Rachel access to the opening of her button down shirt and tried to drift back to sleep.

Rachel shook her head with a fond smile, reaching over to flip open Santana's buttons with one hand as Arianna watched with her fingers in her mouth. "Your mommy's really sleepy, baby girl, but she still wants to feed you. She feels the best when she's feeding her little girl," she whispered to the baby, kissing her before easing one of her lover's full breasts out of the nursing bra she'd fallen asleep in and settling Arianna in place.

The sleeping mother squeaked when their daughter latched on. After a few seconds of trying to fight off being awake, Santana pulled off the pillow and moved to a sitting position with the baby in her arms. "Morning." She whispered as she tried to fight off the sleep daze.

"Not quite," Rachel replied with a soft smile, leaning over to kiss Santana over their daughter's head. "We can go back to sleep once she's settled, if you like."

"Crazy baby," she mumbled, fighting to keep her eyes open as she ran her fingers through the thick hair on her daughter's head, "why do you gotta wake up all the time?" She smiled as Arianna reached her chubby arm up and tangled it in her hair. "Ow. Baby stop pulling my hair, that's your mommy's job." Santana joked softly.

Rachel carefully untangled Arianna's hand from Santana's hair. "I thought it was _your_ job to pull _my_ hair, love," she teased, settling in beside them. "How are you feeling?"

"This is true as well." Santana sighed, "I feel like i got hit by a truck. I hate those pills." She looked up and rubbed her eyes. "They make my head hurt when I wake up. But, I guess sleeping is okay. Did Beth and the kids get home, okay?" she asked as she slid down the bed and cradled the infant to her breast.

"They did and they're all in bed. I know the pills make you groggy, but you really needed the sleep _and_," she smiled softly, keeping her voice low, "it's still entirely early and we still have hours to sleep off the after effects once I settle your beautiful girl back into bed."

Santana smiled tiredly and switched Arianna to her other breast. "She's hungry this morning." She noted as she looked at her daughter.

"She also slept almost six hours without a peep," Rachel noted with a smiled, reaching over to brush a hand over their daughter's head. "I think she knew her mom needed to get some real sleep, so she waited for you."

"She's a good baby," Santana whispered as she looked fondly at her child. "She's so beautiful.. thank you so much for giving me her." She said, her voice wavering with tears as she tried to hold back her emotions.

"I'd give you anything, Santana," Rachel murmured, brushing her lips across Santana's head, "because I love you and you and our children mean _everything_ to me. You are the most important things in my universe. Thank you for giving me two more reasons to wake up every morning. You," she gently stroked Arianna's head as she suckled, "and our little girl. Helping you to have her was the easiest choice I've ever made."

Santana smiled tiredly as their daughter tore her mouth away and reached for Rachel. "She wants you," Santana said as she let Rachel take the baby and she snuggled back into the bed. She pulled the blankets back up over her and burrowed her head in the pillows. "Night, baby." She whispered before dozing off again.

* * *

><p>Several hours later, Rachel was nervously wiping her hands on her black dress and looking into the mirror in the bathroom trying to calm down. It was <em>Santana<em>, her _girlfriend_. They loved each other. They had four children together for Barbra's sake!

But it was still their first _real_ date.

And she wanted nothing so much as she did for everything to go perfectly. She wanted Santana to be _happy_ again. She wanted them to be _together_ again.

Taking a deep breath, she smiled at herself. "You can do this, Rachel," she whispered, reaching up to run her fingers over the cool surface, "It's Santana and she loves you. Just go out and have fun and remind her that we have a life outside of the children."

Closing her eyes, she centered herself and pretended she was about to walk out on stage, letting the fear and anxiety flow away. Relaxing, she opened her eyes and stepped out of the bathroom to find Santana.

Santana was in the bedroom nursing Arianna one more time before they headed out. She was nervous when she heard that Rachel wanted to take her out and had almost refused but then she got an angry text from Quinn more or less stating that she would kick her ass if she didn't let Rachel take her out tonight. Santana gave in. She was nervous about leaving Arianna and the other kids but she knew Quinn and Beth could handle them. She was mostly just nervous to be alone with her girlfriend.

She had slipped into a sleeveless purple dress and a pair of heels after she finished nursing and laid the baby on the bed and changed her into pajamas. "Be good for Beth and Quinn tonight okay?" She whispered as she picked her back up and headed out into the hallway.

Alex and Cale were playing with Legos on the floor and Kayla was finishing her homework at the table when Santana walked in.

"Mommy, you look pretty." Alex smiled and looked up adoringly at his parent.

"Thanks, buddy, are you gonna be good tonight?" she asked looking down at her little trouble makers.

Alex nodded, poking Cale until he looked up at Santana and gave her a big smile showing off his missing front tooth. "We'll be good, Santa. Promise."

"Santi, will you check my homework when you get home?" Kayla asked curiously, coming over to give the woman a hug.

Santana leaned down and hugged the girl and kissed her head. "Sure, baby, we can check over your homework tonight or tomorrow after church okay?" She asked not sure when Rachel's night was going to be over. "You'll help Beth with the boys at bathtime?" Kayla nodded, 'That's my girl."

Rachel came into the room but ended up just leaning against the door frame and watching her beautiful girlfriend interacting with their children with a tiny smile. "So beautiful," she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief.

Quinn came out of the kitchen and gave her a light shove, raising a brow when she shot her a look over her shoulder. "Don't you have a date to get to, Hobbit? Go on before the coach changes back into a pumpkin."

Rachel rolled her eyes, but smiled and pushed off the wall, walking towards Santana. "You look... amazing, sweetheart." She knelt down to hug the boys, "You boys be good for Aunt Quinn and Beth or there will be consequences."

"Yes, Mama," their voices were muffled into her shoulders but she still heard them, turning to kiss their heads.

"Okay. If you're good maybe we can all have a special treat for dessert tomorrow, but you have to be good." She admonished, leaning back and ruffling tousled hair. "Kayla will tell me if you're not. Right, Kay?"

Kayla grinned impishly and nodded, hugging her mother, "Uh-huh. You and Santi have fun, Mama. We'll be good."

Rachel stood after getting her hug and turned to Santana, holding out her hand hopefully. "Ready to go, beautiful?"

Santana nodded nervously as she handed the infant to Quinn. "Okay. Yeah. We, um... should go." She whispered as she waved to the children and headed out to the car.

"Santana?" Rachel had to move quickly to catch up to her. She started to reach out for her hand but thought better of it after Santana had refused it moment earlier. "It's just me. I just... I miss you. I wanted to spend some time just us, being a couple again. We never really had a chance too. But," she looked down, her shoulders slumping and her voice softening, "if you don't want to go out with me, we don't have to."

"It's..." Santana bit her lip and jumped when she heard a photographer call her name. "It's them.. It's always them." She whispered as she ducked into the car. Once inside, she caught her breath again and struggled to be not nervous. "I want.. I want to go out. I just get overwhelmed."

Rachel got in the car and offered Santana a shy, uncertain smile. "You're sure it's not that you don't want to be with me? I don't care if they take my picture. I don't care who sees me with you. I just want to _be_ with you, but I promise I won't make you if you don't," her voice caught in her throat for a moment, "want to be with me anymore."

"I'm... I just don't want the papers to write about out family anymore, okay?" she said softly and looked at Rachel. "I know I've sucked lately and you don't have to believe me but I do love you and it's just been really hard these last few months to feel anything..."

Rachel looked up at Santana with a tiny smile and held out her hand again, hoping that this time she'd take it. "That's what tonight's for. Hopefully to help you feel something again. I may be taking you out tonight, but you're in charge, Santana. If you don't want to do something, we won't. I just want to see you smile again..."

"Okay." She said softly as she took Rachel's hand and sighed as Ajay drove them to wherever Rachel had told him. "Where are we going, Rae?" She asked as she smoothed her thumb over Rachel's wrist as she held her hand.

"Dinner first," Rachel smiled at Santana, trying to reassure her, "I know you're not completely happy on a strict vegetarian diet," she smirked, tapping Santana's shoulder, "don't give me that look. I know you sneak burgers and other exceedingly unhealthy and morally questionable items into your diet."

Ajay pulled up out front of a small restaurant without a single photographer in sight and she moved to open the door. "And I prefer you happy, so I thought we'd come here," she gestured at the restaurant as she got out and turned to offer her hand to help her date out. "They offer plenty of meat dishes as well as an extensive vegetarian selection for me. They also have excellent reviews, but don't yet have enough of a following to garner the paparazzi crowd around most of the other appropriate establishments." She smiled shyly, referring back to their first meal together all those years ago, "I hope you won't consider me racist if I admit it's also a Mexican American establishment."

"You would." Santana chuckled softly, "You have a Latina fetish." She said softly as she followed Rachel into the restaurant and let them get seated. Santana watched Rachel remove her jacket and she smiled softly, "You look really beautiful, Rachel." She spoke as she took off her own and sat down.

"Thank you," Rachel blushed, picking up a menu, "but I rather think I have a _Santana_ fetish. Just any Latina clearly won't do for me. And _you_ are stunning, Santana. You always are, but tonight," she smiled shyly over the top of the menu, "tonight you're positively breath-taking."

"Not really. My body is still wicked gross, and my dress barely fits." She said softly, not really realizing that she was back to her normal size despite her breasts. "But I guess thanks if you believe it," She shrugged and looked at the menu when it was handed to her. "I don't want to eat meat if it makes you uncomfortable. My doctor... she said that I'm looking a lot of like whatever with breastfeeding and that my body might need the extra nutrients or whatever."

"Your _body_, Santana," Rachel gave her a pointed look, "is _amazing_. You look even better now than you did in high school and you were incredible then." She blushed lightly, glancing at her chest, "Now you're beyond that and I'm so amazed I get to be the one who takes you home. But if you eating meat was going to make me uncomfortable, then I wouldn't have brought you to a place that serves it and suggested you get it." She reached across the table, her palm up. "Order what looks the best to you. I don't care what it is as long as you're happy. You're not making me eat it and I'm not as fussy as I was in high school."

"Okay," she said as she rested her fingers in Rachel's palm. "If you're okay with it," she shrugged as she looked through the menu trying to find the least fattening item on the list. "What.. What are you going to get?" She asked, feeling awkward about being alone together since it was the first time in years.

Rachel perused her menu, humming softly as she gently stroked her thumb over Santana's hand. "Perhaps the vegetarian fajita platter. It sounds delightful. You can get a steak if you'd like, Santana. Get whatever sounds good and don't worry about calories or whatever else you might be fretting over." She set down her menu, looking across the table at Santana. "I love you and if you're that worried, we can go for a walk later, but you are absolutely beautiful, Santana Lopez."

"I think... um maybe arroz con pollo?" She said as she looked up, "Can we get guacamole? I've like been thinking about it for a few days now..." She said brightly as she looked up with a smile. "Plus it's vegan."

"Definitely," Rachel responded, squeezing Santana's hand and smiling brightly at her as the waiter came up. Handing him the menus and giving him their order, she turned back to her girlfriend. They smiled and chatted with each other, slowly growing more comfortable as their food was served and the empty plates carried away. Finally, Rachel asked the question that hat been hanging heavily over both of them, "Am I the only one feeling really weird about us having our first real date after living together for nearly five years now and having a child together?"

"Thank Christ, I thought that was just me!" Santana exclaimed, "Have we ever actually be alone together?" She asked with a slight chuckle as she ran her fingers over the smaller woman's palm as they talked, not realizing how much she craved the contact after nearly four months.

Rachel laughed, finally relaxing. "Oh, we've been _alone_," she began with a teasing smirk, "just not _out_ and alone. It's kind of exciting. Should I leave you at the door with a kiss and a thank you for the wonderful night when we get home? Or will you invite me inside?"

"Um... well, we might not make it inside... It has been quite awhile and you know... the kids and everything. We could play this how I used to in high school and go to the movies... or the backseat of a car." She winked as she took her straw in between her lips.

"Really?" Rachel struggled not to sound to hopeful, "You... would want to?" Her shy smile slowly brightened, "If it weren't for the dratted photographers, I'd suggest the front door, but they don't deserve a show." She brushed her fingers lightly against the inside of Santana's wrist, "I like the idea of the car though..."

Santana shivered and licked her lips. She wasn't confident as she normally was, but she did know what her body wanted. She looked at her girlfriend and nodded, "Yeah. I think we could stand a little bit of getting reacquainted." She smiled bashfully.

"We can let Ajay go find something to do for a while maybe?" Rachel nibbled on her lower lip, her fingers continuing to smooth over the soft skin, "Because I would truly like the opportunity to get to get to know you again. I've missed you, Santana."

"I missed you, too." Santana admitted softly. When the waiter came over and looked at them Santana's head snapped up. "Check, please," She demanded curtly, holding her hand out for him to handed it over. She quickly slipped her credit card in the bill case and handed it back to him. "Why don't you call Ajay and have him leave the car and we'll head over?" she asked as the waiter headed off to settle the check.

"That sounds like a wonderful plan," Rachel grinned at Santana, blushing with anticipation as she pulled her phone out of her purse and sent Ajay a text. She received one in return a couple of moments later. "He's left it in a parking lot a couple blocks over and is going to see a movie." She laughed, "I think he knows us too well."

Santana slipped her wallet back into her bag after she signing the check and stood up sliding her coat on then helping Rachel on with hers. She tangled her fingers with the smaller woman's and headed to the door. She was quiet on the way to the new SUV that they had bought to haul all the kids around in, nervous about being with Rachel again, her body, her emotions. Everything.

"Santana?" Rachel murmured quietly, leaning into the taller woman slightly as they walked and looking up at her with a reassuring smile, "Remember that it's just me and that I love you and you are completely beautiful. Let's just be a couple of teenagers in Daddy's borrowed SUV tonight for a little while." She squeezed their fingers together, "I bet you could have given Jesse a challenge for me if you'd tried in high school." She dragged her thumb over Santana's knuckles, her voice low and slightly husky as she leaned up to whisper in her lover's ear, "Wonder if you could have convinced me to let you have me before he did..."

Santana smirked and pressed Rachel up against the black car as soon as she found it. She leaned in and pressed her lips to the spot under Rachel's ear that made the smaller woman squirm and smirked, "That's not even in question," She said with an air of confidence, "I could have - and I _would_ have - had you if I tried." She flicked her tongue over the shell of Rachel's ear as she spoke.

"Are you sure?" Rachel's voice wavered slightly as Santana kissed her neck, becoming slightly breathless, "I think I would have made you," she swallowed, "work for it. Maybe you would have gotten bored?"

"Are you gonna make me work for it now?" She mumbled as she kept working on the woman's neck. "I don't like to have to work for things, I'm much more used to them coming to me and wanting me."

"I've been wanting you for," Rachel's breath hitched, her heart hammering in her chest as she brought her hands up to grip Santana's shoulders and pull her closer, "_years_, Santana. The only work you have to do now is get this door open. My dress is feeling restrictive, but I don't want to give anyone a free show."

Santana pulled away from the car and unlocked the door using the keypad. She turned the girl around and she tugged the zipper on Rachel's dress down. "Get inside the car." She growled as she looked at Rachel like she hadn't eaten in years.

Rachel laughed breathlessly, excited by the look Santana was giving her. Clambering into the backseat, she triggered the button to lay the seat flat. "What do you have in mind, Santana?" She tried sounding coy, but she looked a bit too eager to pull it off.

Santana didn't say anything, she just crawled into the car, pulling the door closed behind her and sliding her hand up Rachel's thighs. She pushed up the black fabric to expose the other woman's silk panties. Santana didn't bother with any preamble as she ducked her head down and pressed a kiss to the woman's silk covered core. "Mine," She said horsely as she looked up over the woman's hips.

Rachel swallowed harshly and wiggled her dress up and over her head, tossing it to the floor and leaving her in nothing but a black silk bra and panty set. "All yours," she whispered, watching Santana with dark eyes, "always, Santana..."

Santana licked her lips as she slid up the smaller woman's body and hovered over her. She leaned down and kissed her possessively, tracing her tongue over her lips as she moaned. "I missed you," she whispered against her lips as she slipped her leg between Rachel's and arched up.

Rachel's nails scraped lightly over Santana's neck as she kissed back, tangling her tongue with Santana's and moaning into her mouth. She arched her back, pressing her wet core into Santana's thigh and grinding against her. "I've missed you so much," she whimpered, sliding her own leg up between Santana's legs and tugging at her zipper. "Please let me see you...?"

Santana pulled away and tentatively pushed the zipper of her dress down. She pulled it over her head and threw it on the driver's seat. She looked down at Rachel, her tanned skin contrasted by the light pink lace that covered her core. She hadn't worn a bra since none of hers fit yet and her nursing one's did not look good with a dress. She rested her hands on Rachel's stomach, as she bit her lip.

Rachel could only stare for a long moment, looking just as awed as she did the first time they made love. "You're beautiful," she whispered, her hands coming up to gently stroke and trace over tanned skin. "I thank God every day that I'm allowed to be with someone as amazing as you, Santana." Her hands traced up her sides to cup full breasts, squeezing gently, her thumbs moving to lightly stroke over dusky nipples remembering how sensitive her own breasts were while she was nursing. "You're perfect..."

"F-fuck." Santana whispered as she head fell forward. Her fingers traced patterns into Rachel's stomach as she started rocking slightly with the pulse that ran through her. "That feels.. really good."

Rachel licked her lips, watching her hands massaging Santana's breasts as they rocked against each other. "Santana," she swallowed, working her jaw, "can I...?" Her eyes darted from Santana's breasts to her face before falling back. She missed the taste of her lover's skin, but she didn't know if Santana wanted it.

"I-if you want," she whispered as she licked her lips, her chest arching towards Rachel. She was nervous but she couldn't deny Rachel anything at that point. "Please... just touch me."

Rachel's lips gently brushed over Santana's skin as she arched up. She moved carefully, softly caressing her breasts with lips and tongue as she moved closer to her nipples. Finally, she tentatively brushed the stiff peaks with her tongue before carefully wrapping her lips around one and sucking softly, careful not to put too much pressure on them. Her fingers traced patterns over Santana's skin as they slid around to cup her ass and pull her down harder against her thigh.

Santana moaned and ran her fingers through Rachel's hair. Her hips rolled and she clutched Rachel's hair. She rocked back and forth against the girl's thigh before moving to slip hers further in between Rachel's. "T-together." She whimpered as she leaned back slightly and writhed and pressed up against Rachel's core.

Rachel whimpered, pressing her back against the seat so she could arch her hips up into Santana, rolling against her. "P-please," she panted, nails digging into Santana's ass as she ground into her. She was close, so close. She looked up at Santana with eyes nearly black with desire, "Kiss me. Please, just...kiss me."

The darker woman leaned down and captured Rachel's lips, the kiss bruising in force as she rolled her hips quicker in a panic to get them both off. She groaned as she groaned as she rocked her wet core into Rachel's thigh, "Need... fuck." Santana whimpered as she brought one of her hands up to her breast and tweaked her nipple then moved to do the same to Rachel.

Rachel reached up with one hand and kneaded one of Santana's breasts almost roughly. Taking a quick breath, she surged up and wrapped her lips around a nipple, gently biting and tugging as she pressed her thigh harder into San's core. As she grew closer and closer to falling over the edge, she forgot to be gentle, sucking hard, her eyes widening in startled surprise as a burst of slightly sweet liquid filled her mouth as she froze and pressed hard against Santana, trembling with release.

Santana clutched the car seat and cried out as she thrust quickly, shaking with pleasure. She gasped and moaned out Rachel's name as she rode out her orgasm. She panted as she fell down against Rachel's shoulder and snuggled into her shoulder, "Wow." She whispered and reached for the woman's hand to tangle their fingers together.

Rachel quickly swallowed down her lover's breast milk and licked her lips as she wrapped her arms around Santana and held her close. "I missed this with you," she whispered, gently rubbing Santana's back, "I've missed you so much, love."

"I missed you too," She whispered as she kissed Rachel lightly and cringed slightly when she tasted her milk. "Did... you get a mouth full?" she asked with a arched eyebrow.

Rachel blushed darkly, "I'm sorry, but I think I did. I didn't mean to do that but you tend to make me forget my own name when you touch me, let alone how to control myself. I'm sorry..."

"I just don't want you to do that if you think it's gross." She sighed and nuzzled Rachel's neck and peppered it with kisses. "I just don't think it's really that sexy."

"Gross?" Rachel arched a brow in surprise, "How could I think it was gross. It's natural, Santana, and you're still nursing our baby girl. If I forget myself and suck too hard, I'll get a mouthful. It's not like it tastes bad, love," she teased, "I don't know if anything that comes from you could taste bad."

Santana shrugged, "I guess... I don't know." She said softly as she pressed a kiss to Rachel's breastbone. She snuggled for a little bit before standing up. "I think Ajay will be back soon... we should put clothing back on so he doesn't get an eyeful."

"You're right, of course. But I'd like to hope we could continue the cuddling at least at home?" Rachel looked at her hopefully as she reached for her dress and wiggled back into it. She didn't want their renewed connection to end just because they were back at home with the children. "I mean, I hope more than cuddles could occur but just...something?"

"Yeah," Santana smiled as she pulled her own dress over her head and reached forward to roll down the windows to air out the smell of sex. She came back and rested against the seat to try to catch her breath. "I haven't felt like that in a long time." She smiled lazily.

Rachel leaned over against her with a shy smile, one hand lazily drawing patterns over her stomach. "I suppose I've been neglectful of my girlfriendly duties. With your permission, I would like the opportunity to resume them at the soonest convenience." She rested her head on Santana's shoulder, "I mean, I love you and I've missed being able to make love with you the last few months. It felt like I'd lost something. I wasn't sure if you wanted me anymore after a while. Thank you for not giving up on me, Santana," she whispered.

"I'd never be able to give up on you... I know Arianna is four months, but I just didn't feel like myself, you know?" she said as she picked up Rachel's hand. "I didn't give up to you. I gave up on myself and that's the problem." she whispered, "My doctor said I'd be better if she put me on medication, but I wouldn't let her because I didn't want to stop nursing. I just feel like I let everyone down. I shut everyone out... you the kids, I just don't know how to get everything back to normal."

Rachel used the grip Santana had on her hand to raise it to her lips and brush a kiss across the back. "I think this is a good start, don't you?" She smiled shyly, "Maybe we could do this more often? Go out together for dinner, just us? We could make it a once a month thing. I'm sure Beth could handle the children for a couple hours and Mina could help if we want to take a little longer."

"We could try that." Santana smiled and rested her head on Rachel's shoulder as Ajay got in the car and gave them a knowing smile. The new mother blushed and turned her head into Rachel's neck s he drove them home.

"Next time," Rachel whispered into Santana's ear, trying to control her own blush, "hot as this was, I'm renting us a hotel room."

"I agree with this idea." She smiled and kissed Rachel softly and settled into their ride home.


	51. Chapter 51: It all comes together

**Chapter 51**

Rachel looked up from the glass to smile at the man in the neat grey suit behind the counter. "It's perfect. I'll take it, but do you think you could engrave it with "forever"? It's an important gift after all."

"Certainly, miss. Our engraver's actually here at the moment, so if you'll come back in an hour, we can have it ready for you." The man smiled, taking the item back and slipping it into a box.

"Wonderful. I'll be back then." Rachel gave him another winning smile and picked up her purse, heading out of the store.

* * *

><p>An hour later, she came back and collected the package, finalizing payment and slipping it into her pocket.<p>

"Good luck, ma'am." The man in the suit nodded to her as she headed out.

She took a deep breath and gave him her brightest smile, "Thank you, but hopefully I won't need it."

* * *

><p>A week later, Santana was sitting on the living room floor on a large sheet. The youngest three children all laying in their diapers and respective underoos watching a Disney movie as Santana worked on slathering their bodies with calamine lotion.<p>

"Mama!" Arianna exclaimed as struggled to get away from the cool pink liquid. "No!"

"Come on, little one, just a little bit more." Santana cooed softly as she slathered the little girl.

Arianna had celebrated her first birthday just a few day's before Alex got sent home with a fever and chicken pox soon after Cale and Arianna contracted it. Beth and Kayla had been helpful, but they quickly grew annoyed at the sick kids and Beth suggested they go and see a movie. Santana quickly got up and grabbed three sets of mittens and slipped them on each of the children's hands before going and collapsing on the couch.

Rachel came in with a tray full of bowls of vegetable soup and fresh fruit, setting it carefully on the coffee table before turning and kissing Santana softly. "You're amazing," she whispered before turning back to pick up a bowl free of the two ice cubes floating in the other two to hand to her. "Want to try and eat while I help the children get a bit down?"

"Sure." She nodded as she moved to sit up and pick up the spoon. "Ari's not hungry, I think the itching is driving her crazy so she's super crabby with now." Santana sighed as she watched their baby wiggle around on the sheet.

"That's very likely. Boys, are you hungry?" She asked. Both boys shook their heads and looked generally unhappy and miserable. "Well, how about I set this fruit down here and you can nibble on it if you want it?" She set the plate of fruit closer so they could reach it and set small plates over the tops of the two bowls still on the tray. "And there's soup here for you if you want it okay?"

Cale nodded picking up a piece of watermelon carefully and sucking on it with a sad face. Alex squirmed and tried to scratch with the mittens. "Itchy, mama," he cried miserably.

"I know, baby boy." Rachel soothed, crouching down beside him and gently brushing his hair, "but if you scratch you'll hurt even more. I'll give you an oatmeal bath in a little while if the lotion doesn't help, okay?"

"Okay," he muttered, but kept rubbing at his arms and stomach.

Arianna whimpered and crawled over to Santana and raised her arms. Santana leaned down and picked up her baby and cuddled her into her chest. "You're okay, Arianna," she whispered as she rocked her back and forth.

"Baby, should we give them baby Benadryl so they can nap?" she asked, hating to see her children in pain.

Rachel resisted, not liking relying on medications to handle a common illness, but looking at the how miserable her youngest were, she relented. "Okay," she finally sighed, getting up to retrieve the bottle of cherry flavored liquid. Carefully measuring out the amounts for each child, she coaxed them into taking it, gently kissing each forehead after it was was swallowed.

Once the bottle was returned to its place in the top of the medicine cabinet, she sat beside her girlfriend and rested her head on her shoulder. "This was supposed to be our date night this month. I'm sorry it got messed up." She shook her head with a tired smile, "I still don't know how Quinn has managed to go this long without contracting the virus."

"She's genetically gifted," Santana smirked, "Or so she used to say. I think she had it when she was Arianna's age and just forgot." She said as she rubbed her daughter's back. "It breaks my heart seeing them feel this bad."

"I certainly hope she has," Rachel murmured worriedly as she snuggled close, "the virus is far more severe and can be fatal when contracted as an adult. I would hate for anything to happen to her now that she and Beth have started reconnecting." She stole a strawberry from the children's plate and held it up to Santana, "I still wish I could have taken you out tonight. I had a special night planned and everything."

"Would have been nice, but three kids under 10 with chicken pox win over romance." She smiled and watched as Arianna reached out her hand and clutched onto Rachel's shirt. "Aww, Ari wants her mommy." She stated as she slid the baby onto Rachel's lap.

"Hey, pretty girl," Rachel whispered, cuddling the baby close and brushing her lips over her head, gently rubbing at her back. "It'll be okay, Santana." She smiled softly over the baby's head, trying to reassure her girlfriend. "They're all healthy beyond this, all we have to do is manage the symptoms until they can beat it and they will."

"Ma." Arianna whimpered as she clung to Rachel and sucked her thumb.

As she sighed deeply and just snuggled in, Santana watching with a sad smile. "Is it bad I love when she's this cuddly even though she's sick?" she whispered as she looked down at Alex who had already fallen asleep and Cale who was struggling to stay awake too.

"No," Rachel murmured, gently stroking the baby's hair, "you don't love that she's sick after all." She leaned over and kissed her softly as Cale crawled over and laid his head in Santana's lap. "I love you, you know. I'm glad you're here to help me with this."

Santana ran her fingers through Cale's hair. "Feeling bad, buddy?" She asked as he nodded, "Go to sleep. Mommy and I will put you in your bed okay? Just sleep."

"Love you, Santa," he whispered, drifting off cuddled up next to her with his head in her lap.

Rachel chuckled softly, leaning over to rest her head on Santana's shoulder as Ari fell asleep in her arms. "I think you stole my boys' hearts," she whispered, nodding at Alex's little hand wrapped around one of Santana's ankles. She reached out and twined her fingers with Santana's with a yawn, teasing, "Just like you stole mine, thief."

"Damn right." She smiled and kissed Rachel's head. "Shall we put these hellions to bed and then we can order take out?" She asked as she tried to figure out how to get out from under the boys without bothering them too much.

"Sure," Rachel murmured, getting up with Ari, "Just stay there while I lay our girl down and I'll come back for Alex if you can handle Cale. In the mood for Thai? Did Beth and Kayla say they were going to get dinner while they were out?"

"I think there was talk of sushi." She smiled at Kayla's desire to try new things. "Kayla loves hanging out with Beth." She said as she scooted Cale into her lap more and hugged him.

"She's her aunt and they're close in age. It's good that she has someone like her to look up to." Rachel headed off with Ari to put her down in her bed in the nursery before coming back and carefully lifting the limp weight of her youngest son. "Sometimes I think a major earthquake could happen around these boys and they'd sleep through it. Do you need help with the little man?"

"Nah. I got him," Santana reassured her as she scooped the boy up and cradled him in her arms as she carried him to the boys' bedroom. She shuffled him onto his bed and tucked him in with a kiss to the head. "Sweet dreams, buddy." She smiled then moved to kiss Alex.

She checked on Arianna in her nursery one last time before coming out and cleaning up the living room. Rachel glanced in from where she was looking through the folder of menus in the kitchen and smiled, shaking her head to see how casually domestic the once arrogant and aggressive woman was. She patted her pocket with the small box from the jewelers, sighing once again that they'd had to cancel their dinner plans when they found out Quinn had never contracted the illness and couldn't help Beth watch the children.

"What would you like me to order for you, Santana?" she called, coming out and leaning on the door frame to watch as her girlfriend rolled up the sheet to set it aside for the next dosing of lotion. She held up the menu to the family's favorite Thai delivery place and smiled. "And I'm paying, no arguments."

"Sure, yeah. Can you get something crazy spicy? My sinus are like wicked annoying today." she groused from the other room as she cleaned up and brought the bowls of soup back into the kitchen. She made quick work of putting them into containers for late, slipping them into the fridge before then throwing the rest of the dishes in the dishwasher and working on making a pot of tea.

"Spicy I can do." Rachel looked through the menu before glancing up, "How about the chicken pad woonsen? I can request it extra-spicy if you'd like," she teased, knowing that the restaurant tended to make things spicier than the children could handle unless specifically requested to make it _very_ mild. As she spoke, she tried to remember where the candles and nice place settings were. Maybe she could still salvage this date night.

"Get it veggie and we have a deal." She smiled as she moved to get the coloring books off the table. "We need to get cale a new notebook for school he's almost out of paper." She stated as she kept doing the domestic things she had become used too.

"Are you sure?" Rachel chuckled softly, watching her clean up, "You know I don't mind you having meat on our date nights. But of course, if you don't actually desire meat, I won't complain."

"Not in the mood tonight." She shrugged, "Plus it's better for my weight," she said as she moved to go put stuff in the laundry room. "I'm gonna change okay?"

"Okay, but just for the record, you're absolutely gorgeous the way you are and don't need to lose any weight at all." Rachel smirked, looking her girlfriend over and trying to be as flirtatious as possible given how tired they both were taking care of their sick children, "In fact, you look entirely edible as far as I'm concerned."

"Why don't you come into the bedroom and tell me that." She called down the hallway as she walked into the room and started to strip off her calamine covered clothing.

Rachel set the phone and menu down without ordering, smiling to herself at the playful tone in her lover's voice as she made her way down the hall. Once she reached the bedroom, she leaned against the frame, her eyes roving over partially unclothed body as she licked her lips. "Mmm, I was obviously correct in my assessment." She crossed the bedroom to trail her fingers across bare skin, her voice lowering as her lips brushed Santana's shoulder, "I could positively _devour_ you. In fact, you really should give me a reason why I shouldn't."

Santana bit her lip in thought as she looked at her girlfriend. "I mean, I could think of one." She smirked, "How about that I shouldn't sleep with people on my payroll?" she said as she undressed totally.

"I could quit," Rachel suggested, trailing the tips of her fingers down Santana's skin feather light, "I'm not entirely sure how happy that would make Marketing or Artist Relations, but I have always said you and the children are my first priority. If you want I can tender my resignation immediately, but that does mean no more special office visits. Anything else?"

"Mmm I do like those visits," she smiled, shivering at her lover's touch. "Maybe I should keep you around," She suggested as she reached out to tug on the hem of Rachel's top.

"Maybe," Rachel breathed, her fingers reaching up to pop open the top few buttons on her top. "Can you think of any other reasons why I shouldn't push you down on the bed and feast upon your body, love?"

"I think you should take me," Santana replied with a husk to her voice. "I think you should take me right now."

"Do you?" Rachel teased, letting her fingers lightly brush all over her lover's body, refamiliarizing herself with the touch of the beautiful woman's skin. "And just how would you like me to do that?" she asked curiously, gently pushing Santana back towards the bed as she finished unfastening her top and let it slide off her arms to pool on the ground.

"However you'd like," she groaned as her body hit the bed and she sat back against it. "I just want you to touch me."

Rachel laughed softly, unfastening her skirt and letting it slide down her hips before she moved to straddle her lover in just her underwear and knee socks. "You're perfect, you know," she whispered, her hands gently stroking Santana's arms and shoulders, "I love you so much." She leaned down to brush her lips over Santana's, kissing soft and caressingly.

"I love you too," Santana whispered as she brought her hands up to rest on the woman's slim hips. "I love you more every day I think."

Rachel let her hands trail to Santana's hips then dragged them slowly up her body until her full breasts rested in the palms of her hands. Squeezing gently, she leaned down and kissed the upper swell of first one then the other, letting her thumbs brush over the tightening peaks. "You never have to worry about your weight or diet," she whispered, "because you are _always_ amazingly beautiful to me."

She kissed her again, leaning into her and encouraging her to lie back on the bed. "I want to make love to you, Santana. I want to show you how much you mean to me through the touch of my lips," she brushed soft kisses along the corner of her jaw and down her neck, "my teeth," she gently bit at the delicate skin covering the woman's collarbone, "my _tongue_," her tongue swirled around a nipple before she sucked it into her mouth of a moment, "and my hands." Her hands swept down along the taller woman's sides, delicately caressing the crease of her hips.

"F-fuck," Santana whispered as she arched up and sought out Rachel's mouth and hands. "I want.. fuck... I want us together, Rachel." She sat up and pulled Rachel's lips to hers and kissed her demandingly as she worked on pushing Rachel's panties down and to her ankles, "I want you to come with me and for me."

"Always," Rachel whispered, reaching back and undoing her bra as she kicked off her panties. She always responded to Santana when she pushed for more and now wasn't any exception. "You're the only one who can bring me to climax, Santana." She laced her fingers in Santana's hair and kissed her hard, nipping at her lower lip and tracing her lips with her tongue.

Santana smiled and wrapped her arm around her lover's thighs then moved to cup one of her breasts. She teased the woman's nipple slightly and tugged at the tight peak before pulling away with a smile. She slid her hand down and ran her thumb over Rachel's stomach and down to her clit and brushed over it slightly. "I want to do something we haven't done before," she whispered.

Rachel's breath caught in her throat with a soft gasp. "Anything," she murmured, her heartbeat picking up, "I trust you completely."

Santana flipped them so Rachel's back was against their bed. Santana kissed down the woman's body for a moment, placing teasing licks to her most intimate place. When Rachel started to writhe, she pulled away and and smirked before sliding up her body and hooking one of her legs under one of Rachel's and wrapping her other around her own hips. Their cores met directly and she moaned softly.

Rachel caught her lip between her teeth, rolling her hips experimentally and groaning softly at the feeling of her lover's core grinding into hers. "O-oh," she breathed, her back arching at the sensation, pushing her chest closer to Santana almost by accident, "why have we never done this?"

"Fu-fuck if I know." She moaned as she leaned back slightly so their clits were pulsating against each other. "Oh my god," She moaned deeply as she rolled her hips slightly feeling the wet essence from both of them coating each other and helping them glide.

She reached up, wrapping her hands around Santana's hips and pulling her closer as she rocked into her. She was panting, her heart racing as the feelings built in the pit of her stomach. One hand slid up from Santana's hips, nails scratching along her side as she moved her hand to grasp on of the woman's breasts, kneading almost painfully hard as she fought to keep control, fingers pinching and tugging at the nipple.

Santana's lips quickly found the crook of Rachel's neck as they moved, her body thrusting and stroking her lover. She kissed up to the other woman's earlobe and sucked it between her lips and sucked softly as she thrust herself against Rachel.

"C-close," Rachel hissed, rocking faster, her nails digging into Santana's hip as she drew her closer. She rolled her head out of the way, letting Santana have more access as her free hand slid around to her lover's back and pushed their chests together, moaning softly at the feeling of their breasts sliding against each other as they moved.

"M-me too," she groaned, "I love you." She whispered as she moved with her lover, "God, I love you so much." She gasped as she moved quicker her orgasm hitting her hard and causing her to shake and convulse.

"F-_fuck_," Rachel hissed as she felt her muscles clenching as she surged into her climax. For a moment it felt like she couldn't breath, couldn't even think. Everything just felt like she was being completely overwhelmed and her nails bit into Santana's skin as she clung to her out of sheer reflex. "L-love," she gasped when she could finally breathe again, "love you too."

They clutched together for awhile, just catching their breaths when Santana mumbled softly into Rachel's neck, "You should marry me."

Rachel felt like her heart stopped for a moment with those words. "You're kidding me," she mumbled barely resisting bursting into almost hysterical laughter, feeling like the world was conspiring against her attempt at a romantic proposal of her girlfriend. "Is it impossible for _one_ thing to go as planned in our lives?"

"Well, that's what every girl wants to hear." Santana pouted and rolled over away from Rachel, thinking that she was getting turned down.

"No. No, wait. I'm frustrated... just," she struggled with explaining, "just wait." Rolling over and leaning off the edge of the the edge of the bed she dug around in their clothes until she found the small black box she'd been carrying around in her skirt pocket for the last week. Smiling at it for a second, she closed her fist around it and rolled back over to face Santana's back.

Reaching out she gently tugged on her lover's shoulder, "I was hoping to take you out to a nice dinner before I did this. I wanted to do this right, Santana. Candles and... and music and just _romance_ the way you deserve. But," she smirked wryly, "things never go as planned with us, do they?" The box creaked slightly as she opened it, "So, Santana Lopez, since everything in our life is crazy and I doubt I'll get to carry out my grand scheme to lead up to this question properly... will you please do me the great honor of agreeing to be my wife?"

Santana beamed and looked up, "Really? You were gonna ask me?" She smiled and leaned over to the night side able and pulled out a small jade colored box. "I was gonna ask you too, I've had this... well since my daddy mailed it to me before Arianna was born." She opened up the box to show the antique diamond encrusted wedding set. "It was my _abuela's_," she admitted softly as she leaned forward to kiss Rachel. "And yes, by the way."

Rachel slumped slightly, "You always get the better of me. I don't have anything like this to give you. I didn't even have a mom, let alone a _grand_mother to pass on her rings." She looked down at the box in her hand and the simple rose gold and diamond band inside and smiled weakly, "This doesn't seem to compare at all..."

"God, no... Baby, I love it!" she exclaimed as she took it out of the box. "Put it on me?" she smiled as she extended her hand. "I love it because it's from you. You picked it out. You asked me to marry you."

"I know," Rachel whispered sliding it on Santana's finger then raising her hand to kiss it, "I just wish I had something as important to give you. I wish I had a family with enough history to even _have_ something like your grandmother's wedding set." She smiled wanly, "I feel like I don't have any real heritage sometimes, but I'm glad you love me and want to marry me anyway."

"Always." Santana whispered and slipped the ring on the other woman's hand.

"Santana?" Rachel asked, snuggling in close and looking at the ring on her finger in mild awe, "If you've had the ring this long, why not just ask me? I would have said yes."

"I was nervous... then Arianna was born, then the shit with Shelby happened..." she sighed and kissed the crook of her neck, "Plus I didn't know if you wanted to be married again. Like I overheard you and Cale talking forever ago... But, like, you still wore Jesse's ring so I thought maybe you didn't want to be married..."

Rachel shrugged, "I wore Jesse's ring because I didn't enjoy the attention I received when I didn't wear it and because I miss him and it made me remember how things were before he was sick when I had it close. You could have asked me why i still wore it, I didn't know it bothered you."

"It doesn't _bother_ me, Rae." Santana tried to explain, "He's your husband and he'd still be here if God hadn't decided it was his time." She ran her fingers over Rachel's left ring finger. "I think you should wear it, I think you're still married to him no matter if he died or not. So maybe you still wear it."

"I will," Rachel watched Santana playing with her hand, "on a chain around my neck," she leaned up and kissed her fiancé?, "when you replace it with yours. Because then I won't need to rely on Jesse's protection to ward off unwanted suitors. I'll have yours."

"This is true." She smiled, her lips sliding against Rachel's softly. "We should get decent because that medication wont keep those itchy kids asleep forever." She whispered before offering Rachel her hand and leading her to the bathroom.

Rachel laughed but followed along. "I'm not entirely sure how showering with you would make me _decent_, Santana." Once they were in the bathroom though, she moved to pull out a set of towels for them. "Do you think Kayla and Beth will forgive us for not involving them in the proposal if we allow them to help plan the ceremony?"

Santana just rolled her eyes and started the water. "I think they'll be more than excited. I kinda don't want a big thing though... if you're okay with that." She asked as she slipped into the water and stood in the stream. "I had a big wedding the first time around and I really don't want to do that again."

"That's fine," Rachel agreed with a smile as she joined Santana in the shower, sliding along her body with a smirk, "as long as the children and our parents are involved, I'm happy. Believe it or not, but I've never had a big wedding and small ceremonies just seem more," she ran a finger up along Santana's inner thigh with a wicked smirk, "_intimate_. Don't you think?"

Santana shuddered, "Baby..." she whimpered, "We don't have time to do that again." she said as she turned around to kiss Rachel then start running shampoo through the girl's hair. "But yeah, small with our dads and maybe Quinn and Puck if you want."

"Noah's my friend," Rachel began, reaching around to pick up the scrubber and soap, soaping up the nylon and beginning to wash her fiancée's body, "but I think he'd make both Quinn and Beth uncomfortable by being there and I don't want that. We can schedule it for after he heads to LA and that recording session I managed to set up for him."

"I can't believe you actually got him an agreement with a studio. He's not that good so I'm honestly not sure why someone actually is letting him record." Santana sighed as she rested into Rachel's body. "But yeah. I want Beth and Quinn to be happy and I know she doesn't want to meet him."

"He's not good enough for Avalon, no, but he's not terrible in the singer-songwriter genre and as a niche artist, he could do well, besides," she smirked, "I'm just that good at what I do. Isn't that why I stopped being just your assistant and started being more active in the company?"

"Sadly I'm aware of this, now I have Jayden..." She sighed as she helped Rachel rinse her hair. "But I'm really proud of my hot ass wife to be." She washed her hair quickly and got out and wrapped a towel around herself and held one open for Rachel. "Ugh. I hear Ari crying." She whispered, "Kid has some serious lungs."

Rachel quickly dried off and pulled on her robe. "I'll take care of her and you see about dinner since I'm not allowed to eat _you_ apparently." She kissed her fiancée with a teasing smile, "And I trained Jayden myself, but I will cheerfully override him if something's off, so just let me know."

"Alright. Go get the little princess and I'll order dinner." She said as she pulled on sweatpants and a T-shirt. She winked at Rachel before she left the room and headed into the kitchen. She quickly picked up the forgotten menu and looked through the contents and called the Thai restaurant. She hopped up on the counter and spoke on the phone.

Rachel moved to the nursery and picked up the crying baby. "Alright, pretty girl, what's wrong?" She cradled her against her chest and bounced slightly as she paced around, calming her down. "You're alright, Ari. I've got you. Mommy's here. I'm sorry it itches, baby girl. Shh, now."

Once the little girl soothed to a restless sleep against her, she headed into the kitchen. "She's quiet now, but she'll probably wake up again if I put her down again right now."

"I love seeing you hold her." Santana whispered as she looked at her fiancee and smiled. "You are so beautiful baby. Holding our daughter. I can't wait to marry you."

It wasn't perfect or romantic and like always, nothing had gone as planned, but it was _them_ and in that moment, smiling at her fiancee while holding their daughter, Rachel St. James wouldn't have wanted it any other way. "I love you too, Santana," she whispered, leaning in and kissing the taller woman over their daughter's head.

**The End (for real)**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you all for reading and reviewing this fic. It was Sio and I's first story together, and it wont be our last. Thank you all for the support and love and we hope you enjoy the end to this fic!**

**Love- Maura and Sio**


End file.
